All language subtitles for Sexy.Evil.Genius.2013.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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( coin clinks in slot )

( jukebox clicks )

( jazz music playing )

♪ INTRIGUING, INSIGHTFUL

♪ THE VIEW
FROM YOUR EYES ♪

♪ INTREPID, DELIGHTFUL

♪ A CLEVER SURPRISE

♪ SOME WIN,
SOME LOSE ♪

♪ ALL IS FAIR IN THE GAME

♪ A CHANCE TO TAKE

♪ ROLL THE DICE

♪ FAN THE FLAME

♪ IN WHAT WORLD
DO YOU THINK ♪

♪ FOR THE PRICE
OF A DRINK ♪

♪ THAT I'D CARE?

♪ THERE'S MUCH MORE
TO THIS SCENE ♪

♪ THAN JUST LIVING THE DREAM
IF YOU DARE... ♪

( sirens blaring )

( police radio chatter )

( helicopter hovering )

- THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.
- YOU'RE GOOD.

MAKE SURE YOU TELL
THE DETECTIVES

THAT I'M WILLING
TO TESTIFY

AND I DEFINITELY
WANNA PRESS CHARGES.

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED.

IT WENT REALLY FAST.

ARE THEY GONNA LIVE?

( rock music playing )

( song ends )

( coin clinks in slot )

( jukebox clicks )

( samba music playing )

♪ Time

♪ Is on my side...

HEY, LONELY GUY.

UH... SORRY.
I'M MEETING SOMEONE.

YEAH, ME, TOO.
NIKKI FRANKLYN.

YOU, TOO?
REALLY?

IS THAT SURPRISING?

UH, YEAH, KIND OF.

- UM, I'M ZACHARY.
- OF COURSE.

ZACHARY NEWMAN.
FIGURED.

YOU'RE THE HIGH SCHOOL GUY,
HER FIRST TRUE LOVE.

I'VE HEARD A LOT
ABOUT YOU.

UH, YEAH.

I GUESS--
THAT WAS US.

SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU
AT THE WAFFLE SHACK
AFTER PROM.

CRIED SO HARD YOU PUKED
ALL OVER HER SHOES.

- BLUEBERRY PANCAKES.
- HMM.

YEAH.
NOT MY FINEST HOUR.

I'M MIRANDA.

- MAY I?
- YEAH.

HAVE A SEAT.

IT'S TYPICAL NIKKI-- LATE.
SHE SAID 8:00.

I GOT A CALL FROM NIKKI.

IT'S THE FIRST TIME
I HAD HEARD FROM HER
IN A DECADE.

SHE SAID SHE'S IN TOWN
AND WANTS TO MEET UP.

I GUESS I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE
SHE WANTED TO CATCH UP WITH.

WE STAYED IN TOUCH, YOU KNOW,
AFTER THE PANCAKE INCIDENT.

SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO GO
ON A TREK TO FIND HERSELF.

( laughs )
UH, TIMBUKTU, I THINK.

- KATHMANDU.
- YEAH, THAT'S IT. YEAH.

THAT'S THE LAST TIME
WE SPOKE.

WHERE DID YOU TWO MEET?

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS.

OH. UH...

WHAT, YOU AND NIKKI, LIKE,
SMOKED A TON OF POT TOGETHER?

- COCAINE?
- HEROIN.

WOW.
NIKKI AND HEROIN.

YEAH.

- WITH NEEDLES?
- YEP.

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE
HER DOING THAT.

I MEAN, MAYBE SMOKING IT,
I GUESS, BUT...

SHE ALWAYS WAS
SO ADVENTUROUS.

WHEN WE MET
SHE WAS A MESS--

CLOSE TO DEATH
AND SO WAS I.

WE SAVED EACH OTHER.

WE WERE LOVERS.

DOES THAT SHOCK YOU?

( laughs )
NO, YOU'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL.

I JUST-- I'M STILL REELING
OVER THE WHOLE HEROIN THING.

- SHOULD WE GET A TABLE?
- SURE.

( rock music playing )

HI, GUYS. I'M ABBY.
I'M GONNA BE YOUR SERVER.

SO JUST LET ME KNOW
IF YOU NEED ANY OTHER
DRINKS OR ANYTHING.

ABSINTHE.

OKAY.

ISN'T THAT
HIGHLY ALCOHOLIC?

I'M A JUNKIE,
NOT A DRUNK.

CAN I HAVE ANOTHER MARTINI,
FIVE BLEU CHEESE OLIVES?

OKAY.

- IS THAT A DRINK
OR A SALAD?
- ( laughs )

MM, IT'S BOTH.

I RACED OVER HERE FROM WORK.
I FORGOT TO EAT ALL DAY.

YOU KNOW IT'S NOT HEALTHY
TO WORK THAT HARD.

I KNOW.

I KNOW.

- WHAT DO YOU DO?
- SALES.

- DO YOU LIKE IT?
- I HATE IT, REALLY.

- DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
- NO.

- MARRIED?
- NOPE.

SO WHY THE FUCK
DON'T YOU QUIT?

- AND DO WHAT?
- WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT.

I'M NOT SURE
WHAT THAT IS.

WELL, CLEARLY THERE'S
YOUR PROBLEM RIGHT THERE.

GOSH, TALKING TO YOU
REALLY REMINDS ME OF
TALKING TO NIKKI--

JUST RIGHT TO THE BIG,
HEAVY STUFF,

NO KIDDING AROUND.

( laughs )

- WHAT?
- NO, NOTHING.

YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE
EATING YOUR SALAD.

SEE, THIS IS WHY
I NEVER GO TO BARS.

THE ONLY GIRLS WHO THINK
I'M CUTE ARE LESBIAN.

OR LESBIANS?

I DON'T KNOW--
WHAT'S THE PLURAL
OF THAT WORD?

I'M BI.

GREAT.
I FEEL HALF BETTER.

SO WHEN DID YOU
LAST SEE NIKKI?

- I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!
- ( screams )

SIX YEARS AGO.

- IS THAT WHEN YOU BROKE UP?
- YEAH.

BUT THEN AFTER A WHILE,
WE STARTED TALKING AGAIN.

JUST A PHONE CALL OR TWO
EVERY FEW MONTHS.

AND THEN ONE DAY,
I GET A COLLECT CALL
FROM NIKKI FROM JAIL.

- JAIL?
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY.

IT WAS A MENTAL HOSPITAL
FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE.

Zachary:
WHAT WAS SHE DOING THERE?

MURDER?

Zachary:
NIKKI KILLED SOMEBODY?

IT WAS HER BOYFRIEND.

SHE POISONED HIM
WITH ARSENIC.

SAID SHE GOT OFF
BY REASON OF INSANITY.

( scoffs )

ARSENIC?

LOOK, NIKKI'S A LOT
OF CRAZY THINGS,

BUT SHE'S NOT
LITERALLY CRAZY.

AT LEAST NOT
HOW I REMEMBER HER.

BUT DON'T YOU THINK
SHE'D BE GREAT AT ACTING CRAZY?

YEAH. YES.

I USED TO CALL HER
MY SEXY EVIL GENIUS,

BECAUSE SHE WAS--
A GENIUS.

TEST SCORES
OFF THE CHARTS.

OH, THANKS.

THANKS.

NIKKI SAID SHE'D CALL ME
WHEN SHE GOT RELEASED
FROM THE HOSPITAL.

I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WOULD
ONLY BE THREE YEARS LATER.

THIS IS BIZARRE.

I MEAN, NOT JUST HEARING
HER POST-ME LIFE STORY,

BUT YOU AND ME HERE NOW
AND HER SO LATE?

- IT'S DELIBERATE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

NIKKI'S NEVER ON TIME
FOR ANYTHING.

NO, I MEAN I THINK THAT
SHE WANTED US TO MEET

BEFORE SHE GOT HERE
TO GET ACQUAINTED.

- YOU AND ME?
- MM-HMM.

- WHY?
- SO YOU CAN BLOW MY MIND

WITH THE RIPPING YARN
OF HER LIFE STORY?

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

IS THIS THE FRANKLYN PARTY?

- YEAH.
- SO THERE ARE MORE OF US.

MIRANDA.

MARVIN COOLIDGE.
A PLEASURE.

- ZACH.
- WHAT'S UP, DUDE?

NIKKI TOLD ME TO LOOK
FOR A GOTH BABE

WITH AN UPTIGHT
SUIT-AND-TIE GUY.

- ( laughs )
SHE ON THE MONEY.
- SHE CALLED ME UPTIGHT?

HEY, DON'T SWEAT IT,
ZACH, MAN.

I'M SURE YOU'RE
A COOL FUCKIN' DUDE
ON THE INSIDE, RIGHT?

I DON'T THINK I AM.

HEY, BABY, COULD I--
COULD I GET A CHIVAS, ROCKS?

LISTEN, I HAVEN'T
TALKED TO NIKKI IN, LIKE,
FIVE YEARS AND CHANGE AND...

- ( cell phone ringing )
- OUT OF THE BLUE...

WHAT'S UP?
NIKKI.

OH, SHIT.

WHAT'S THIS GATHERING
ALL ABOUT?

- WE DON'T KNOW.
- NIKKI'S LATE.

NO, SHE'S NOT LATE.
SHE SAID 8:30.

SHE GOT, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
THREE MINUTES.

SHE SAID 8:00, RIGHT?

I GUESS SHE DID
WANT US TO MEET.

Marvin:
WAIT A SECOND.

I KNOW WHAT THIS
IS ALL ABOUT.

- WHAT?
- A NEW BAND.

- A BAND?
- WHAT DO YOU GUYS PLAY?

DON'T TELL ME,
YOU ARE AN AXE MAN, RIGHT?

BASS?

- KEYS?
- Miranda: OH, I GET IT.

YOU WERE IN THE JAZZ BAND
NIKKI TOLD ME ABOUT.

YEAH, THE REBOPS.

- WHAT INSTRUMENT
DO YOU PLAY?
- VIBES.

- WHAT'S VIBES?
- XYLOPHONE, MAN.

ME AND NIKKI HAD THIS
SWEET MUSICAL GROOVE
GOING FOR A WHILE.

YOU KNOW THAT GIRL
IS LIKE BRUCE LEE
ON THE BONGOS, RIGHT?

YEP, THAT'S HOW WE MET--
A DRUM CIRCLE ON VENICE BEACH.

BLEW ME AWAY, MAN.

- REALLY?
- WE HOOKED UP.

SHE PUT OUR BAND TOGETHER.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT
A NEW BAND?

ALL I PLAY IS THE RADIO.

I-- I MEAN, I CAN
BARELY WORK MY iPOD.

OKAY.

IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

- HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW NIKKI?
- AS WELL AS ANYBODY.

YOU KNOW,
WE LIVED TOGETHER
FOR FIVE MONTHS.

OH, WERE YOU,
LIKE, ROOMMATES?

NO, MAN. WE WERE--
WE WERE DEEP IN IT.

WHAT'S D-- UH...

Miranda:
THEY WERE FUCKING.

OH.
( laughs )

YEAH. I MEAN,
I GET IT.

SO HOLD UP, YOU--
YOU'RE AN EX, TOO.

- EX NUMERO UNO.
- Marvin: HOLY SHIT.

YOU'RE THE GUY
WHO THREW UP ON HER SHOES
AT THE WAFFLE SHACK.

( whimpering )

- DON'T GO! NO, NO, PLEASE.
- ( Marvin laughing )
HOLY SHIT.

- SHE TELL
EVERYONE THAT STORY?
- I THINK SO.

( both laughing )

WOW. WELL, WE ALL HAVE
ONE THING IN COMMON.

WHAT'S THAT?

NO-- YOU AND NIKKI?

DEEP IN IT.

OOH.

- DAMN, GIRL.
- Zachary: AND DID YOU KNOW

THAT NIKKI WAS
RECENTLY RELEASED
FROM AN INSANE ASYLUM

BECAUSE SHE KILLED A GUY?

- WHAT?
- Miranda: YEAH.

HER BOYFRIEND
AT THE TIME.

- BULLSHIT.
- NOT.

( sighs )

NIKKI TOLD ME HERSELF.
I JUST TOLD ZACH.

WAIT, SHE KILLED A GUY?

DAMN, NOW I NEED THIS.

WAIT, HOW IS SHE EVEN OUT?

NOT GUILTY BY REASON
OF INSANITY.

WHY DOES THAT
HARDLY SURPRISE ME?

EVERYTHING
THE GIRL DOES, MAN--

THE SECRETS, THE GAMES,
THIS TONIGHT,

ANONYMOUS GATHERING
OF EX-LOVERS.

- WHO DOES THIS?
- Miranda: I MEAN, SHE CALLS

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS
AND WHAT DO EACH OF US DO?

DROP EVERYTHING,
ABSOLUTELY NO QUESTIONS ASKED,
TO SHOW UP AT THIS BAR.

- WE'RE DEVOTEES.
- NO, SUCKERS, MAN.

I REMEMBER ONE TIME,
WE WERE 16

AND THIS PUNK BAND FROM JAPAN
THAT NIKKI WORSHIPS,

THE GO GO ZOMBIES,
ARE PLAYING AT THE ROXY.

BUT IT'S 21 AND OVER
TO GET IN, SO WE NEED
FAKE I.D.s.

FIRST WE GO TO MacARTHUR PARK
AND WE FIND THESE GANGBANGERS

WHO SAY THAT
THEY COULD HOOK US UP.

BUT, LIKE IDIOTS, AS SOON
AS WE SHOWED THEM OUR MONEY...

( gasps )

Zachary:
SO NOW WE'VE GOT NO I.D.s

AND NO MONEY
TO EVEN BUY TICKETS,
BUT NIKKI WON'T GIVE UP.

- NO, SHE NEVER GIVES UP.
- NEVER EVER.

SHE MAKES ME DRIVE
TO THE ROXY WAY EARLY

AND WAIT UNTIL
THE BAND SHOWS UP.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE HERE,
BUT I'M TELLING YOU,

THEY'RE NEVER GONNA
LET US IN WITHOUT I.D.s.

TRUST ME,
THIS IS GONNA WORK.
TAKE THIS.

- Zachary: AND THEN
SHE ATTACKS THEM...
- COMRADES.

...PRETENDING TO BE
THIS RUSSIAN JOURNALIST.

( Russian accent )
WE COME ALL THE WAY
FROM MOSCOW TO SEE

GO GO ZOMBIES
PERFORM IN U.S.A.

- MAGAZINE?
- IT'S LIKE OUR RUSSIAN
"ROLLING STONE."

Man:
RUSSIAN "ROLLING STONE"?

( Russian accent )
"DAH, COMRADE.

YOU BIG GO GO
ROXY ZOMBIES BIG.

TELL US AMERICAN
RUSSKIE COMRADES."

NUMBER ONE RECORD.

- All: YEAH!
- ( camera clicks )

SO GIVE, UM, SAMURAI!

- YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.
- ( camera clicks )

- GREAT.
- YOU TAKE A PICTURE WITH US.

DA, DA.

GOOD.
OKAY, GET IN CLOSE.

YEAH, EVERYONE
CLOSE TOGETHER.

UM, MAYBE NOT AS CLOSE.
YOU COME...

Zachary:
SO THEY INVITE US BACKSTAGE.

WE GET TO SEE
THE SHOW FOR FREE.

( band playing )

Zachary:
BUT THEN AFTERWARDS,
I CAN'T FIND NIKKI ANYWHERE.

SHE'S GONE.

I KNOW WHERE THIS
IS GOING, MAN.

THEN THE NEXT DAY,
I SEE HER AT SCHOOL.

- HI.
- HI.

WHERE'D YOU GET
ALL THOSE HICKEYS?

Zachary:
I CONFRONT HER, BUT NIKKI
CLAIMS THAT SHE CAN'T REMEMBER

HOW SHE GOT
THE HICKEY NECKLACE...
( laughs )

BECAUSE OF THIS
DRINKING GAME THEY PLAYED
ON THE BUS RIDE HOME.

I'M SORRY THAT
I MADE YOU WORRY.

I LOVE YOU,
ZACHARY NEWMAN.

I CHOSE TO BELIEVE IT

BECAUSE JUST BEING
WITH NIKKI WAS--

IS THE MOST FUN
I'VE EVER HAD.

I GOT A STORY
JUST LIKE THAT ONE.

SO WHEN THE REBOPS
GOT TOGETHER,

WE COULDN'T GET ARRESTED.

THERE'S MAYBE FIVE,
SIX DECENT JOINTS IN THIS TOWN

THAT'LL EVEN BOOK
A TRADITIONAL JAZZ BAND, RIGHT?

NIKKI DISAPPEARS
FOR A FEW DAYS.

- DISAPPEARS.
- NIKKI?

Marvin:
NOW, I KNOW ABOUT
HER BAD HABITS

AND I'M WORRIED,
YOU KNOW, SICK THAT SHE MIGHT
BE BACK ON THE SPIKE.

NO. SHE RETURNS.
"HEY, BABY."

AND, OH, BY THE WAY, THE REBOPS
HAVE A SATURDAY NIGHT GIG

AT THE GRILL,
THE HOTTEST SPOT IN TOWN,
THE HOTTEST.

WE GO,
WE DO THE DAMN THING.
KILL IT.

THE PLACE IS PACKED
AND THEY ARE FEELING US STRONG.

IT'S THE MOST INTENSE
EXPERIENCE.

BUT THE WHOLE NIGHT,

THIS MANAGER DUDE
WHO BOOKS THE BANDS

IS JUST STARING
AT NIKKI, DROOLING.

AFTER THE SHOW WAS OVER,
THIS GUY COMES UP

AND HE'S GOT HIS HANDS
ALL OVER HER.

I GET IT.

SHE CUT OUT ON ME TO HANG OUT
WITH THIS BAND MANAGER GUY

AND THAT'S HOW WE GET THE GIG
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

♪ WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

♪ WHO DO YOU SEE THERE
IN THE END? ♪

LET ME GUESS--
YOU FORGAVE HER.

I DID.

THANKS TO HER,
THE REBOP WORD GOT OUT.

YES, I DID. YOU KNOW,
WE WERE HAPPENING, MAN.

THREE GIGS A WEEK, REAL MONEY,
LIVING THE DREAM.

YOU KNOW,
I JUST PUT THAT PROBLEM
TO THE BACK OF MY MIND,

WROTE IT OFF AS,
YOU KNOW, LIKE A SACRIFICE
THAT SHE MADE FOR US.

SUCKER ME.

SHE CUTS OUT.

THIS...

Zachary:
GOD, I KNOW THAT FEELING.

Marvin: YEAH.

OKAY, I HAVE A STORY
THAT BEATS YOU BOTH.

WHEN WE FIRST MET,
NIKKI AND I WERE
BOTH RECOVERING.

- I'M NIKKI.
- MIRANDA.

Miranda:
NIKKI DIDN'T WANT ME
TO KNOW THAT SHE WAS

THIS PRIVILEGED GIRL
WHO GOT STUCK ON SMACK

THE FIRST TIME SHE ESCAPED
HER SUBURBAN LIFE,

SO SHE CREATED
AN ENTIRE BACKSTORY.

SHE WAS A FASHION MODEL
IN AMSTERDAM,

STUDIED YOGA IN INDIA.

SHE WAS LIVING ON SOME
FUCKING BILLIONAIRE'S YACHT

PLAYING THE CONGAS
IN A SALSA BAND,

EXCEPT SHE HAD TO QUIT THAT
BECAUSE OF THE STALKER.

- OH, THAT ONE I HEARD.
- BULLSHIT.

NO-- LOOK, SHE WAS
STILL BEING STALKED
WHEN WE WERE DATING.

REALLY? DID YOU EVER
ACTUALLY SEE THE GUY?

I-- NO. UH,
JUST PICTURES, BUT--

IT WAS ALL A LIE.

AND THESE LIES
START PILING UP

AND I START
ASKING QUESTIONS.

SHE INVITES ME TO THIS
DINNER PARTY, RIGHT,

TO FINALLY MEET ALL THE FRIENDS
THAT SHE TALKS ABOUT

THAT I HAVEN'T MET.

THERE'S A GUY
FROM HER ASHRAM IN INDIA.

THERE'S THE DUTCH COUPLE
THAT KNEW HER IN AMSTERDAM
WHEN SHE WAS ON THE RUNWAY

AND THIS FUNKY DUDE
THAT PLAYED IN HER SALSA BAND

AND THIS WEATHER-BEATEN DUDE
THAT JUST SAILED INTO TOWN,

THE SKIPPER
ON THE BILLIONAIRE'S YACHT.

I LEFT THAT DINNER PARTY
BELIEVING EVERY INCH

OF THAT INTRICATE
WEB OF LIES NIKKI WEAVED.

A FEW WEEKS LATER,
I WAS BUMMING AROUND MELROSE

AND I DECIDED TO POP
INTO THAT IMPROV THEATER.

( shouting )

( laughter )

Miranda:
FIVE OF THE PEOPLE
AT NIKKI'S DINNER PARTY

ON THE STAGE.

AND THOSE PEOPLE?

YOU'RE ALL FUCKING ACTORS.

I LOOKED AT PICTURES
OF YOUR CHILDREN
FOR 20 MINUTES.

DO YOU THINK
THAT WAS FUN FOR ME?
IT WASN'T.

NIKKI HIRED AND DIRECTED
A FUCKING IMPROV TROUPE?

- ( laughs )
- SHE DID.

- GET OUT.
- PURE EVIL GENIUS.

- I FELL FOR IT HARD.
- Marvin: LET ME GUESS--

YOU DIDN'T BREAK UP WITH HER
THAT NIGHT, DID YOU?

WORSE.

WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU'RE LUCKY MY LANDLORD
DIDN'T SHOOT YOU.

RELAX.
THERE'S NOBODY HOME.

I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

AND I WANTED TO BE HONEST
WITH YOU,

TELL YOU THE TRUTH
ABOUT ME,

SOMETHING THAT
I ACTUALLY REALLY DO.

REALLY?
THAT WOULD BE NICE.

I'M SORRY
THAT I LIED TO YOU.

I REALIZED

THAT I DON'T
WANNA LOSE YOU.

WHAT DO YOU WANT
FROM ME?

YOU.

DO YOU KNOW
WHAT ELSE I WANT?

NO?

COMPANY.

GET IN THE POOL.
PLEASE.

Miranda:
THAT NIGHT I LET
NIKKI SEDUCE ME

FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.

THE LIES BEGAN
YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

- YEP.
- Marvin: GET OUT.

I GUESS IT WAS JUST, UM,
SO ROMANTIC, YOU KNOW,

THAT SHE WOULD WANNA
GO THROUGH ALL THESE LENGTHS

TO KEEP UP
THIS FANTASY WORLD
THAT WE BUILT.

- HOW LONG DID IT LAST?
- 100 DAYS.

THEN I HAD
TO PULL THE PLUG.
( laughs )

I MEAN, UM, I HAD TO-- I HAD
TO GET BACK TO REAL LIFE.

I SWEAR, KICKING NIKKI
WAS EVEN FUCKING HARDER
THAN KICKING HEROIN.

Zachary:
WELL, YOU'RE STRONGER
THAN ME AND MARVIN.

- WE BOTH GOT DUMPED.
- LOOK, KNOWING THIS, RIGHT,

THAT SHE'S GOT THESE
MAD LYING SKILLS,

DOESN'T THAT PUT
A LITTLE DOUBT

IN THIS WHOLE
INSANE ASYLUM SCENARIO?

Miranda:
YEAH, I GUESS, BUT,
I MEAN, I GOOGLED IT.

THERE WERE CASE NUMBERS
AND LEGAL BRIEFS.

I GUESS YOU COULD FAKE
THAT SHIT, BUT WHY?

WHO KNOWS? I MEAN, WITH NIKKI
THE TRUTH WAS ALWAYS RELATIVE.

I DO KNOW ONE THING--
SHE GOT US TOGETHER

KNOWING FULL WELL
WE'D BE SITTING HERE,

WAITING FOR HER,
TALKING ABOUT HER...

- RIGHT.
- ...AND MURDER.

- ( both scoff )
- ( cell phone chimes )

WHOOP, I GOT A TEXT
FROM NIKKI.

- ( cell phones chirping )
- OH, SO DO I.

YEAH, ME, THREE.

"SORRY I'M LATE.
O.M.G., TRAFFIC.

BRING YOU MY NEXT VICTIM.
YOU GUYS GET COZY.

TALK ABOUT MY LIFE
WITH THE THRILL KILL KULT.

- SEE YOU SOON."
- THAT'S WHAT MINE SAYS, TOO.

SAME.

NEXT VICTIM?
THAT SOUNDS OMINOUS.

AND SHE CLAIMS
SHE'S IN A CULT.

( scoffs )
MAN, THIS IS BIZARRE.

- NO WAY.
- MARVIN DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT
NIKKI AND THE THRILL KILLS,

THE NAME OF NIKKI'S
ALL-TIME FAVORITE BAND.

- MY LIFE WITH
THE THRILL KILL KULT.
- WHO ARE THEY?

WHY MENTION THEM
IN A TEXT?

IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T TALKED
ABOUT MY RECENT ROLE

AS A PSYCHO KILLER,
PLEASE, DO TELL.

PSSH.
OH, HOLD ON A SECOND.

HA, FIGURES THEY'D HAVE
THE THRILL KILLS ON THE JUKEBOX

IN THE PLACE THAT
NIKKI PICKED TO MEET.

( coin clinks,
button clicks )

- ♪ I live for drugs...
- ( rock music playing )

♪ It's great...

COME ON, NIKKI COULDN'T STAND
THIS BUBBLE-GUM STUFF, MAN.

SHE COULD HARDLY
TOLERATE CLASSIC ROCK.

MARVIN, DUDE,
THE BUBBLE GUMMIER,
THE BETTER.

- Miranda: MM.
- SHE DIDN'T JUST
LIKE CLASSIC ROCK;

SHE LOVED STYX
AND MEAT LOAF, KISS.

OH, YEAH, ANY BAND
THAT WEARS LEATHER SPANDEX
OR SPIKED WRIST BANDS.

OR PERFORMS
IN THEIR UNDERWEAR,

FURRY ANIMAL COSTUMES.

SHE LIKED TITO,
THE CUBANS,

BANDS THAT CAME OUT
OF HARLEM IN THE '40s.

- BUT THIS--
- MM-MM.

- MARVIN, YOU GOT PLAYED.
- LIKE A PING PONG BALL.

YO, LOOK, NIKKI
LOVES JAZZ, MAN.

I'M TELLING
YOU PEOPLE FACTS.

YOU JUST DON'T
KNOW HER LIKE I DO.

NIKKI USED TO SAY THAT JAZZ
WAS FUN, CAMP, KITSCH.

KITSCH? OH, HELL NO.
SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT.

- SHE NEVER SAID THAT.
- Miranda: YEAH, SHE DID.

- YOU'RE TELLING ME
MY WHOLE RELATIONSHIP--
- PREDICATED ON A LIE.

JUST LIKE HER FUCKING TALE
ABOUT THE STALKER.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
MUSICAL TASTE, ONE THING.

BUT THE WHOLE STALKER THING--
I GOT YOU BOTH ON THAT ONE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN PROVE IT.

SHE SHOWED ME HIS MUG SHOT
ON THE NATIONAL STALKER REGISTRY

RIGHT NEXT TO HER OFFICIAL
POLICE RESTRAINING ORDER.

HIS NAME IS MARK SOMETHING.

- YOU KNOW, I BET YOU
IT'S STILL POSTED.
- DRINKS?

- YES.
- Zachary: SURE.

- YEAH, ALL AROUND.
- Zachary: IT'S ALMOST 9:00.

I'M ON MY THIRD MARTINI
WITH NO DINNER.

- AMATEUR.
- AND YOU'RE WHAT, A PRO?

I'M AN ALL-STAR, JUNIOR.

GOT HIM.
CREEPY DUDE.

HIS NAME IS MARK VON DUTCH.

NIKKI TOLD ME IF I EVER
SAW THIS CAT TO CALL
THE COPS, EMERGENCY.

HE LOOKS LIKE
A MOVIE STAR,
BUT DEMENTED.

- Miranda: OH, MY GOD.
- WHAT?

- THAT'S THE GUY SHE KILLED.
- WHAT? WAIT, HOW YOU KNOW THAT?

Miranda:
SHE SENT ME A PHOTO OF THEM
TOGETHER AFTER WE BROKE UP--

HER NEW HANDSOME LOVE.
SHE PROBABLY FUCKIN' TRIED
TO MAKE ME JEALOUS.

( exhales )
ANYONE ELSE HERE A LITTLE
FREAKED OUT RIGHT NOW?

I'M INTRIGUED.

OKAY, YOU KNEW ABOUT
THIS WHOLE HOMICIDE THING
BEFOREHAND.

SHE EVEN SENT YOU
A DAMN PHOTO.

AND YOU SHOWED UP ANYWAY
BECAUSE YOU'RE INTRIGUED?

I AM.

TO SEE YOUR FRIEND
WHO KILLS DUDES.

WHAT KIND OF GHOUL
DOES THAT MAKE YOU?

Nikki:
A SEXY ONE.

- NIKKI.
- Nikki: DRINKS ANYONE?

I MUGGED THE WAITRESS
ON THE WAY OVER.

( both laugh )

- YOU LOOK AWESOME.
- THANKS, STUD.

WOW.

LET'S SEE.
( clears throat )

ROTGUT, ROCKS.

MUST BE MARVIN
"JAZZ MAN" COOLIDGE.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT,
BONGO GIRL.

ABSINTHE...

FOR THE SEXY GHOUL.

THANK YOU.

AND A MARTINI WITH
A BILLION ZILLION OLIVES--

THAT HAS GOT TO BE YOU,
ZACHARY NEWMAN.

I SKIPPED DINNER.

- AND THAT LEAVES
SPRITE FOR ME.
- Marvin: SPRITE?

- WHAT ABOUT YOUR
SIGNATURE VODKA GIMLET?
- NOT TONIGHT.

I WANNA KEEP
MY WITS ABOUT ME

IN CASE SOMETHING HORRIFYING
AND CRAZY HAPPENS.

LIKE WHAT?

I'M SURPRISED YOU HAVEN'T
FIGURED IT OUT YET, MIRANDA.

YOU COULD ALWAYS SEE
THROUGH ME WITH THOSE
GORGEOUS X-RAY EYES.

- IT'S A COMPLIMENT.
- HOW ABOUT JUST AN ANSWER?

( laughs )
COME ON, WHERE'S
THE FUN IN THAT?

I'VE GATHERED YOU ALL
HERE FOR A REASON,

WHICH WILL BECOME
OBVIOUS IN A MOMENT.

THERE'S NO USE
RUSHING ME.

DID YOU TELL MARVIN
THAT I'M UPTIGHT?

YES, I DID,
BECAUSE YOU ARE.

BUT IT WORKS
FOR YOU, ZACH.

IT'S PART OF YOUR EXTREME
CUTE LOVABILITY.

AM I RIGHT?

I'VE ALREADY TOLD HIM
HE'S CUTE.

MIRANDA LIKES NERDS.
SHE'S INTO GEEK CHIC.

I'M NOT A NERD
OR A GEEK OR WHATEVER.

HEY, ZACH, MAN, CHILL.
JUST OWN IT.

WHO'S THE BEER
AND THE SIDECAR FOR?

- BERT.
- BERT?

- HE'S PARKING.
- WHO'S BERT?

MY LAWYER... AND LOVER.

AND NEXT VICTIM.

GOTCHA.

I KNEW YOU GUYS WOULD
GET HUNG UP ON THAT.

DRUMROLL, PLEASE.

NOBODY?

OKAY.

( clears throat )
HE'S MY FIANCE.

( laughs )

- YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?
- TO YOUR CRIMINAL LAWYER?

HONEY, I ONLY HAVE
ONE LAWYER.

ISN'T THAT A CONFLICT
OF INTEREST OR A MAJOR
ETHICAL BREACH?

MY LIFE WAS IN HIS HANDS.

HE SAVED IT.

THERE'S NO FEELING
MORE INTENSE.

WE'RE MAD FOR EACH OTHER.

HE'S MY EVERYTHING.

WELL, WOE BE HE...
OR SHE

WHO FALLS IN LOVE
WITH NIKKI FRANKLYN.

( laughs )
I'LL DRINK TO THAT.

IT IS SO AMAZING

TO SEE YOU GUYS.

I'VE MISSED YOU.

SO THIS WHOLE NIGHT
IS ABOUT BRINGING

YOUR PRESENT LOVER
TO YOUR PAST.

BERT'S CURIOUS
ABOUT YOU GUYS.

I THINK HE THINKS
YOU'RE ALL JUST FIGMENTS
OF MY IMAGINATION.

NIKKI, THERE'S THIS
HOMICIDE RUMOR THING

THAT WE'VE BEEN
HEARING ABOUT.

( snickers )

UH, WHAT'S FUNNY?
THAT'S SERIOUS.

ZACH IS SO SQUEAMISH
BRINGING UP THE SUBJECT.

I'M SORRY.

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT,
CLEAR THE AIR.

OKAY, IS THAT HIM,
THE STALKER?

YEAH, THAT'S HIM.
THAT'S MARK.

NIKKI, WHY WERE YOU
WITH THIS GUY?

I WAS INSANE.

IS THAT TRUE?

I WAS CERTIFIED.

IF EITHER OF YOU LAME-BRAINS
BOTHERED TO GOOGLE ME,

- YOU WOULD'VE READ
ALL ABOUT IT.
- Man: NIK!

NIK? HE CALLS YOU NIK?

IN HIGH SCHOOL SHE KEYED
OUR TEACHER'S CAR FOR
CALLING HER NIK.

SHE POURED A POT
OF BURNING HOT COFFEE

IN A GUY'S FACE IN REHAB
FOR CALLING HER NIK.

THAT LAST FOOL I HEARD
CALL YOU NIK GOT A BROKEN NOSE.

PEOPLE CHANGE.

THERE YOU ARE.

SO, HEY, THESE ARE
YOUR FRIENDS.

BERT, ZACH, MARVIN
AND MIRANDA.

A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

NIK JUST KEPT INSISTING
THAT WE ALL GET TOGETHER.

I'M SURE.

YEAH. UH, HI.

HEY, A SIDECAR.

GOOD GIRL.

A TOAST TO OLD FRIENDS
AND NEW,

AND TO THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
I'VE EVER KNOWN.

BOTTOM'S UP.

HEY, LET ME GUESS--

LET ME GUESS--

I BET YOU YOU'RE THE GUY
THAT PUKED ON HER PROM SHOES.

( sobbing )
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

THAT WOULD BE ME.
OR UPTIGHT GUYS WORKS,
TOO, I GUESS.

AND YOU'RE THE JAZZ GUY
WHO WEARS THE KITSCHY CLOTHES.

I'M NOT KITSCHY
OR KITSCH ANYTHING.

I'M VINTAGE, BERT.

IT WAS A COMPLIMENT.
AND YOU--

YOU'RE THE ATTORNEY
WHO FUCKS HIS DESPERATE,
INSANE, CRIMINAL CLIENTS.

GUILTY AS CHARGED.

YOU'RE RIGHT, BABY,
SHE DOES HAVE FANGS.

Nikki:
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS CONTROL

WHO YOU FALL
IN LOVE WITH, MIRANDA.

MATURE PEOPLE DO.

SHE HAD PLENTY OF CONTROL,
BELIEVE ME.

I'M THE ONE WHO LOST IT.

IN 20 YEARS OF PRACTICE,

NIK IS THE ONLY CLIENT
WHO EVER STOLE MY HEART.

Miranda:
NIKKI DOESN'T STEAL HEARTS,
SHE EATS THEM.

HOW DO WE EVEN
KNOW YOU'RE--

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT
ANOTHER ACTOR,

YOU KNOW, PART OF NIKKI'S
NEXT ELABORATE SCHEME?

- IT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
- YEAH.

IT'S TRUE, I AM A NOTORIOUS,
HABITUAL, ELABORATE SCHEMER.

- WHO ELSE WOULD I BE?
- Miranda: ANYBODY.

WE DON'T KNOW NIKKI'S
REAL REASON FOR BRINGING US
ALL HERE TONIGHT.

I DOUBT IT'S JUST TO MAKE
YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

Marvin:
MAYBE YOU'RE JUST HERE
TO BACK UP HER NEXT TALL TALE.

YEAH. HOW DO WE KNOW
THAT YOU'RE YOU?

( laughs )
JESUS, WHAT THE HELL

HAVE YOU DONE
TO THESE PEOPLE?

MAGIC.

( stammers )
OKAY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS.

HERE'S MY DRIVER'S LICENSE,

MY CALIFORNIA BAR CARD

AND MY BLACK BELT
CERTIFICATION IN KARATE.

DON'T YOU MESS WITH ME.

I GUESS YOU'RE LEGIT.

OR AT LEAST HAVE HIGH-QUALITY
FORGED IDENTIFICATION.

YOU'RE SCREWING
YOUR LAWYER.

YOU MAKE IT SOUND
SO GLAMOROUS.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?

I MEAN, NOT WITH YOU AND BERT,
BUT WITH THE MURDER.

YEAH, AND THE INSANITY THING.

- WELL,
YOU SHOULD KNOW, MARVIN.
- I SHOULD KNOW?

I TOLD YOU THAT MY STALKER
SHOWED UP AT OUR LAST GIG.

( jazz music playing )

- WHERE?
- HE'S RIGHT THERE.

- I--
- Marvin: YOU THOUGHT YOU SAW
THAT DUDE DOZENS OF TIMES.

I NEVER DID.

IT'S A COMMON SYMPTOM
OF HER PSYCHOSIS-- PARANOIA.

OKAY, SO HOW DO YOU KNOW
THE LAST TIME WAS REAL,

NOT JUST PARANOIA BARKING?

BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T
GO AWAY.

HE KEPT SHOWING UP--
AT THE LOCAL COFFEE SHOP,

OUR REHEARSAL SPACE,
WHEN I WAS OUT FOR A RUN.

I COULDN'T SHAKE HIM.

HE WOULDN'T EVEN
SAY ANYTHING.

HE JUST STOOD THERE,
STARING AT ME,

WAITING FOR ME
TO BREAK THE ICE.

AND YOU DID?

WHY DIDN'T YOU
JUST CALL THE COPS?

BECAUSE I WAS
FEELING LONELY.

- LONELY?
- I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE.

FOR-- FOR YOUR
FREAKING STALKER?

IT'S NOT AS NUTTY
AS IT SOUNDS.

IT'S QUITE COMMON,
ACTUALLY.

ALTHOUGH, NOW I KNOW
THAT I WAS COMPLETELY INSANE.

I MEAN, MARK DIDN'T
APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE.

WE DATED FOR
ALMOST TWO YEARS.

IF I WAS GONNA ASK
ANOTHER PERSON TO BE
AT THIS TABLE TONIGHT,

THIS TABLE
OF PEOPLE I LOVE,

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN HIM.

SO WHAT, YOU WERE...
OVER ME?

I WAS.

AND JAZZ
AND THE REBOPS.

I-- MY INSTINCT
WAS TO BOLT,

JUST TAKE OFF,
START FRESH SOMEWHERE.

SO I SNUCK
IN YOUR CLOSET

BECAUSE I KNEW
YOU KEPT CASH IN THERE,

AND I WAS GONNA
BANKROLL MY GETAWAY.

AND GUESS WHAT ELSE
I FOUND.

WHAT, MY NEHRU JACKET?

A THICK BINDLE
OF FINE GOLD DUST.

- NO, YOU DIDN'T.
- Nikki: I DID.

AND I SHOT IT
AND I DIDN'T STOP
UNTIL I GOT ARRESTED.

HOW ROMANTIC.

YOU DIDN'T FIND
ANY HEROIN IN MY CLOSET.

YOU WANTED TO GO, SO YOU WENT
AND SCORED SOME SMACK.

DON'T PUT THAT SHIT ON ME.

- WHAT ABOUT ALL THE HINTS?
- WHAT HINTS?

YOU WERE GOING
ON AND ON

ABOUT ALL THOSE JAZZ MASTERS
THAT WERE HYPES,

ABOUT HOW HEROIN
HELPED CREATIVITY.

- WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
- TO KILL MY WILL.

YOU WERE AFRAID
I WAS GONNA LEAVE YOU.

WOW, NIKKI.

I DIDN'T DROP ANY HINTS

OR OTHERWISE RECOMMEND
YOU TAKE HEROIN.

AND I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
GONNA LEAVE ME... AT ALL.

HALLUCINATIONS
AND DELUSIONS WERE ALL
PART OF HER PSYCHOSIS.

YEAH, WELL,
MAYBE THAT EXPLAINS IT.

YEAH.
I WAS JUST BONKERS.

Bert:
SHE TOLD ME
THAT STORY YEARS AGO.

I THOUGHT SHE MIGHT HAVE
IMAGINED IT, TOO.

SHE WAS IN THE HEIGHT
OF HER MANIA.

SO WHAT?

ONE DAY YOU JUST DECIDED
TO POISON THIS GUY?

YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT IT WAS LIKE.

I MEAN, MARK AND I
WERE JUNKIES.

WE ONLY LEFT THE HOUSE
TO STEAL, SCAM AND BUY
MORE DRUGS.

I MEAN, MARK WAS
EVEN MORE PARANOID
THAN I WAS DERANGED.

IS THIS THE SHRIMP FLAVOR?

CHICKEN.

I LIKE THE SHRIMP FLAVOR.

HE WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME
OUT OF HIS SIGHT FOR
FIVE MINUTES.

HE WAS YOUR STALKER.

I WAS LOSING DAYS, TIME,

HOPPING IN AND OUT
OF PLACES,

BLACKING OUT SOMEWHERE,
WAKING UP SOMEWHERE ELSE.

IT WAS CRAZY.

THIS WOULD HAPPEN WHILE
I WAS AWAKE, DREAMING--

I COULDN'T TELL
THE DIFFERENCE.

ONE MINUTE I'M IN A GARAGE
STEALING GARDEN TOOLS,

THE NEXT SECOND
I'M ON THE COUCH
WATCHING TV.

I WAS SKIPPING AROUND
IN TIME.

KIND OF LIKE
IN "SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE."

YOUR-- YOUR FAVORITE BOOK?

IT'S SIMILAR, I GUESS.

I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT
OF IT LIKE THAT.

OKAY, BUT HOW DID
THE DEED GET DONE?

- I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
- GET OUT.

Nikki: I POP IN
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,

THE COPS SWARM IN
WHILE I MET THIS DRUG DEALER.

I THINK IT'S A SET-UP,
BUT I'M BUSTED.

BUT IT'S JUST LUCK
THAT THEY FOUND ME THEN.

- TURN AROUND!
- DON'T MOVE!

Nikki:
I MEAN, THERE ARE SQUAD CARS,

DETECTIVES, A HELICOPTER.

THEY'VE GOT AN ARREST WARRANT
ON ME FOR FIRST-DEGREE MURDER.

BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA
HOW YOU KILLED HIM?

I DON'T REMEMBER
ANY OF IT.

HER CLINICAL
MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS
WAS HOMICIDAL MANIA.

THE BLACK-OUTS,
HALLUCINATIONS,

DELUSIONS, PARANOIA--
IT'S ALL PART OF IT.

THEN HER VIOLENT
PRIMITIVE INSTINCT

FOR SELF-PRESERVATION
KICKS IN.

THE VICTIM
LOSES CONTROL, KILLS.

OFTENTIMES THEY DON'T
REMEMBER ANYTHING.

AND YOU COULD SLEEP
IN THE SAME BED WITH
A HOMICIDAL MANIAC?

AREN'T YOU WORRIED
ABOUT NOT WAKING UP?

NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO.
NOT AT ALL.

HER PSYCHIATRIST
IS A PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE.

AND SHE'S BACK,
100% NORMAL.

HOMICIDAL MANIA
ISN'T A MIND-FRACTURED-
FOREVER-TYPE DEAL?

NO, NO, NO.
THE ILLNESS IS GONE ONCE
THE THREAT'S REMOVED.

IN SOME CASES
LIKE SCHIZOPHRENICS,

YOU KNOW, THERE'S ALWAYS
A PERCEIVED THREAT,

SO OFTENTIMES
THEY CAN'T BE CURED.

BUT WITH NIK,
MARK'S GONE.

NO MORE THREAT,
NO MORE MANIA.

THE DIAGNOSIS FROM
YOUR PERSONAL FRIEND

WAS THAT NIKKI SERVES
ONLY THREE YEARS IN JAIL
FOR MURDER.

- IT SOUNDS FISHY.
- NIK BEING FIT FOR RELEASE

WAS NOT JUST
MY FRIEND'S OPINION.

THERE WERE
TWO OTHER DOCTORS

AND I THINK
SEVEN MEMBERS

ON THE HOSPITAL
RELEASE BOARD.

THEY WERE UNANIMOUS.

I'M WITH YOU
ON THE INSANE NIKKI--

OUT OF HER MIND ON HEROIN,

DOING DAILY CRIMES
WITH PSYCHOPATH MARK
TO KEEP UP THEIR HABIT,

BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW
YOU'RE CURED?

BELIEVE ME, COOLIDGE,
IF I WASN'T CURED,
YOU'D BE DEAD.

I WAS SO MAD AT YOU
FOR PLANTING THAT BADNESS.

- I WANTED TO KILL YOU.
- I'M GONNA SAY THIS
ONE MORE TIME--

I DIDN'T.

I'M UNDERSTANDING THAT NOW,

THAT I WAS DELUSIONAL,
BUT IT'S MOOT, REALLY.

- MOOT HOW?
- BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY DECIDED
TO OVERLOOK THE WHOLE THING.

I REALLY DO LOVE YOU.
WE HAD SO MANY GREAT TIMES.

AND I KNEW THAT
SEEING YOU AGAIN,

HAVING A LAUGH, WOULD BE
A TRIUMPH OVER MY ILLNESS,

THAT MY MANIA
WAS BEHIND ME.

THAT SOUNDS NOT INSANE.

- STILL DON'T BELIEVE IT.
- NEITHER DO I.

WHY NOT? ASIDE FROM
MY NOTORIOUS SCHEMING.

IT'S LIKE CLAIMING BLACK-OUT
AS YOUR FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE.

AND THE REST OF IT
PLAYS OUT LIKE THE PLOT
OF YOUR FAVORITE BOOK.

I TOLD YOU
THEY WOULDN'T
BELIEVE ME.

YOU KNOW, YOU TWO
BELONG TOGETHER.

- YOU'RE BOTH
WAY TOO SKEPTICAL.
- Miranda: WE KNOW YOU.

YEAH. I MEAN,
YOU'RE CRAZY,
BUT LIKE A FOX.

AS THEY SAY.

IT-- IT DOESN'T MATTER.

THEY'RE JUST YOUR FRIENDS,
NOT JUDGE AND JURY, THANK GOD.

YOU KNOW
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.

BUT I DON'T.

REALLY?
TOTAL AMNESIA?

Miranda:
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

IT'S NOT LIKE ANY
OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS WERE
BASED ON TRUTH ANYWAY.

- NEVER.
- YEAH, I GUESS.

WHAT ARE YOU
GETTING AT, MIRANDA?

I'M SAYING THAT
OUR RELATIONSHIPS

WERE BASED ON BEING PARTY
TO YOUR CRAZY ADVENTURES.

- THEY STILL ARE.
- Zachary: YEAH.

I MEAN,
MOST NIGHTS THIS LATE

I'M STILL AT THE OFFICE
OR HOME ALONE,

SITTING ON THE COUCH,
WATCHING TV,

EATING A $6 BURGER,

CERTAINLY NOT TIPSY
IN A BAR,

HAVING MY MIND BLOWN BY
THE GIRL WHO DEVIRGINIZED ME.

I'M WITH ZACH.

LET'S FORGET ABOUT THE PAST
AND FOCUS ON YOUR GOOD NEWS.

OH, YEAH, YOU GOT AWAY
WITH MURDER.

- Miranda: OH, NO, NOT THAT.
- Zachary: NO?

- YOU'RE OVER YOUR INSANITY.
- THANK YOU.

THAT'S SWEET, BUT THAT'S NOT
WHAT I WAS THINKING.

WHAT ARE YOU
DRIVING AT, MIRANDA?

- YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED.
- RIGHT.

( laughs )

THAT IS WHY WE'RE HERE.

SO WHEN'S THE BIG DAY?

DING DING DING DING DING!
THAT IS THE QUESTION
OF THE HOUR.

I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT
TO MAKE, A HUMUNGOUS ONE.

YOU DO?

CAN WE GET A BOTTLE
OF CHAMPAGNE WITH FIVE
GLASSES, PLEASE?

OH, CHAMPAGNE?
I'M GONNA TAKE A CAB HOME.

I THOUGHT
YOU'RE NOT DRINKING.

OH, ONLY ONE.
THIS CALLS FOR IT.

LET'S GET
TO THE HUMUNGOUS NEWS.

YOU-- YOU DON'T
KNOW THE NEWS?

- NO CLUE.
- WELL, THIS SHOULD BE GOOD.

Nikki:
HERE IT IS.

JUNE THE 18th.

WHAT ABOUT IT?

- OUR WEDDING DAY.
- IT IS?

( laughs )
SURPRISE.

SO TOTALLY AWESOME.

I-- I LISTED OUR ENGAGEMENT
WITH "L.A." MAGAZINE

AND THEY WANTED A DATE,

SO I PICKED ONE
NINE MONTHS AWAY.

IT'S PLENTY OF TIME
TO GET OUR ASSES IN GEAR
AND MAKE IT HAPPEN.

- THAT'S GREAT.
- Marvin: RIGHTEOUS.

YOU KNOW, I'LL GO
IF I'M INVITED.

NIK, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
WHAT-- WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

I PICKED A DATE.

I MEAN, YOU CAN PICK
THE LOCATION.

I KNOW THAT YOU WANTED
TO ELOPE AND WE CAN
STILL DO THAT.

- I JUST FIGURED
THAT WE WOULD SAVE--
- THAT IS NOT THE POINT.

THIS IS A PUBLIC
ANNOUNCEMENT.

HONEY, SO IS THIS.

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN
CONSULTED.

- WHY? DOES THE DATE NOT WORK?
- IT'S NOT ABOUT THE DATE.

- WELL, THEN WHAT IS IT?
- SHOULD I OPEN THIS

OR DO YOU GUYS WANNA
DO THE HONORS YOURSELF?

DO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE IT?

IF THE PARTNERS IN MY FIRM
SEE THIS, I'M DONE.

AHA!

I'M S-- I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T
HAVE DINNER.

YOU TOLD ME
THAT DIDN'T MATTER.

WHAT I SAID WAS THAT
I NEEDED SOME MORE TIME
FOR THIS TRANSITION.

OKAY, AND NINE MONTHS
ISN'T ENOUGH?

IF MY PARTNERS SEE THIS,
I'LL BE OUT IN A DAY.

SO WHAT?
YOU HATE YOUR PARTNERS.

Bert: NIK,
IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.

DUDE, I'M SORRY.
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW NIKKI?

Zachary:
YEAH, THIS IS NIKKI 101.

SHE WANTS SOMETHING,
YOU DON'T WANT IT,

SHE'LL PULL SOME STUNT
THAT MAKES EVERYTHING
WORK OUT HER WAY ANYWAY.

"BLONDE WITH LOBOTOMY EYES."

A "BLACK MAGIC PANTHER
WHO GETS WHAT SHE'S AFTER!"

( laughs )
I NEED SOME FOOD.

WHAT THE HELL
ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?

"BLONDE WITH LOBOTOMY EYES"
IS A TITLE OF A THRILL
KILL KULT SONG,

BUT THEY'RE RIGHT.

HOW LONG
DO WE HAVE TO WAIT?

CAN WE TALK
ABOUT THIS LATER?

NOW'S GOOD.
WE HAVE CHAMPAGNE.

MY BEST, OLDEST FRIENDS
GATHERED TO CELEBRATE.

- Zachary: THIS IS A SET-UP.
- UH-HUH.

- IT'S JUST--
IT'S NOT FOR US.
- MM-MM.

MAN, DO I FEEL
LIKE AN ASS.

HERE I WAS, THINKING THIS
WAS ABOUT A NEW BAND.

YOU'RE THE SUCKER, BERT.

NIKKI'S INVITED US HERE
TO PRESSURE YOU

INTO COMMITTING TO MARRIAGE.

SHE'S PUT YOU ON THE SPOT.

- YEAH, BERT, WHY WON'T
YOU GIVE HER A DATE?
- YEAH.

THEY'RE ON MY SIDE,
DARLING.

MAYBE THIS HOMICIDAL MANIA

REALLY DOES BOTHER YOU
AFTER ALL.

OR MAYBE YOU'RE
JUST A SCUMMY GUY

WHO TAKES ADVANTAGE
OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN
IN EMOTIONAL DISTRESS.

Marvin:
OH, WHICH ONE IS IT, BERT?

COLD FEET
OR A COLD, COLD HEART.

PERHAPS I DON'T LIKE
DISCUSSING OUR PRIVATE MATTERS

WITH PEOPLE
THAT, QUITE FRANKLY,
I DON'T KNOW VERY WELL.

IS THAT ALL THAT SINISTER?

- BUT THESE PEOPLE KNOW ME.
- YEAH, I'M WITH MIRANDA.

I ACTUALLY THINK
IT'S THE MURDER THING
THAT BUGS YOU,

'CAUSE SHE COULD SNAP.
YOU'D BE NEXT.

- ( snaps fingers )
- WHAT I THINK, TOO.
YEAH.

I THINK
WE'RE REASSURANCE.

THE THREE OF US
ARE HERE TO PROVE

THAT NIKKI DOESN'T MURDER
EVERYONE SHE SLEEPS WITH.

- THAT'S--
- MM-HMM.

YOU DON'T HAVE
THOSE MORTALITY ISSUES,
DO YOU, BERT?

- NO, NO.
- THEN WHAT IS IT?

YOU WANT A DATE,
BABY, HMM?

THAT'S IT.

OR THAT'S IT.

SO WHAT WAS IT?
JUNE 18th, RIGHT?

JUNE THE 18th
OF NEXT YEAR.

WELL, THEN, THAT IS THE DAY
THAT WE SHALL BE MARRIED.

DO YOU MEAN THAT?

YES, BABY, I DO
I MEAN IT.

( laughs )

SO... THAT'S--
THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.

- NO WAY.
- YEAH, THAT'S
BETTER OFF.

- LET'S DO IT! YEAH!
- I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

TILL DEATH DO...

MM, US... PART.

- IT MIGHT NOT BE THAT LONG.
- YEAH. SEE? MANIA.

( laughing )

( song ends )

- HEY, CONGRATS, MAN.
- YEAH.

THAT'S--

( jukebox clicks )

( rock music playing )

( sighs )

I AM SO EXCITED.

- I LOVE YOU, BABY.
- ( pops )

- WHOA!
- ( Nikki laughing )

OH!

SO I WILL ADMIT THAT
I HAD A HIDDEN AGENDA,

BUT GETTING
BERT TO COME AROUND
WASN'T THE ONLY ONE.

ALSO, SINCE THE DAY
I MET MIRANDA...

I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT
THAT SHE WOULD BE

PERFECT WITH ZACH.

- Zachary: WHAT?
- AAH!

( Zach laughs )

SO THIS IS LIKE
A PSYCHOTRONIC EPISODE
OF "BLIND DATE"?

FEELS THAT WAY.

SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS,
THANK YOU FOR COMING.

TO WHAT COULD HAVE
BEEN MY FUNERAL.

WHOA, WHOA.
COME AGAIN?

OH, IF BERT
HAD TURNED ME DOWN

AFTER ALL THE DISGUSTING
THINGS HE MADE ME DO
JUST TO SAVE ME,

I WOULD HAVE FUCKING
KILLED MYSELF.

OH!
( belches, laughs )

EXCUSE ME.

I GOTTA PEE.

SO MUCH DRAMA.

I'LL GO.

I GUESS WE GOT OUR ANSWER.

YOU GOT A COLD,
COLD HEART.

WHAT?

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED,
MARVIN.

YEAH, SURE, YOU ARE.

SOMEONE'S NOT
A HAPPY CAMPER.

Nikki:
SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH,
OR I WILL CUT YOU!

BE CAREFUL.
SHE'S CRAZY.

( Nikki sniffles )

YOU DOING OKAY IN THERE?

- IS SHE GONE?
- YES.

( door opens )

LOOK AT ME--
I'M SUCH A MESS.

- WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
- THESE ARE TEARS OF JOY.

I FINALLY MET A MAN
WHO'S A BETTER LIAR
THAN I AM.

BABY, IT'S NOT
THE END OF THE WORLD.
YOU KICKED HEROIN TWICE.

YOU CAN GET OVER BERT.

I DON'T THINK SO.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE HE'S GONNA PAY.

( crying )

I EVEN LET THAT PRICK
CALL ME NIK

LIKE I'M SOME
GREASE MONKEY MECHANIC
OR DOUCHEBAG FRAT BOY.

I AM NOT NIK.
I AM NIKKI, MOTHERFUCKER!

CAN I BORROW YOUR MAKEUP?

- CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
- SHOOT.

HOW DOES A SMART GUY LIKE YOU,
A LAWYER WITH ENOUGH SAVVY

TO GET A PERSON FREE ON MURDER,
END UP ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED

WITH HIS HOMICIDAL,
HEROIN-ADDICT CLIENT?

- SHE'S AMAZING.
- I'M CALLING BULLSHIT.

( laughs )
YOU HAVE NO INTENTION
OF MARRYING NIKKI.

I SEE THE WAY
SHE HAS YOU DEFENDING HER
AND SHILLING FOR HER,

MAKING SURE THAT WE BELIEVE
HER INSANITY STORY.

NO, I BELIEVE
SHE WAS INSANE.

WELL, YOU'RE IN THE DARK,
MARVIN.

BUT YOU--
YOU'RE HER ACCOMPLICE.

THAT IS AN OUTRAGEOUS
ACCUSATION.

I LOVE HER.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
KILL YOUR FIANCE?

YOU KNOW,
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT--
( laughs )

BUT KILLING THAT
SELF-RIGHTEOUS DINGLEBERRY
IS JUST TOO EASY.

EASY?

KILLING IS EASY?

I WANT HIS BALLS
BURNING IN HELL.

HOW ARE YOU
GONNA DO THAT?

YOU'LL SEE.

I-- UH, OKAY.

CAN I PLEASE HAVE
SOME COCKTAIL CHERRIES?

- WITH THE CHAMPAGNE?
- JUST IT'S-- I'M SICK
OF EATING THE OLIVES.

OKAY.

HONESTLY, MAN TO MAN,

YOU REALLY THINK
NIKKI WAS INSANE?

ENOUGH TO BEAT
A MURDER RAP?

( laughs )
THAT'S IRRELEVANT.

MY JOB IS TO DEFEND PEOPLE
THAT ARE CHARGED WITH A CRIME

AND IT'S THEIR RIGHT TO HAVE
VIGOROUS LEGAL COUNSEL.

WHAT I THINK
DOESN'T MATTER.

WHAT'S YOUR
NON-LEGAL OPINION?

I... LISTEN
TO THE EXPERTS.

IS THIS-- IS THIS PLAN
GONNA GO DOWN TONIGHT?

YOU'RE SO INQUISITIVE.

IT'S ATTRACTIVE.

IT'S LIKE A HOT
SUCCUBUS NANCY DREW.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF ZACH?

- HE THINKS
NIKKI'S FULL OF IT.
- NO, I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

BERT, CONFESS.

YOU WANTED DEEP IN IT.

DEEP IN IT?

"DEEP IN IT"
IS A JAZZ EXPRESSION
I JUST LEARNED.

IT MEANS "FUCKING."

SO YOU WENT ALONG
WITH HER PLOT,

HELPED HER PLEAD INSANITY
AND PROVED IT,

AND IN RETURN
SHE GAVE YOU HER?

WOW.

THAT IS LOW DOWN.

BERT, MAN,
DEFEND YOURSELF.

YOU WANT ME
TO BE HONEST, HMM?

MY ANSWER IS YES, NIKKI IS
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY INSANE.

IS? YOU MEAN LIKE--

AS IN PRESENTLY, REAL-TIME,
IN THE BATHROOM.

- DAMN.
- WELL, THEN, WHY IS
SHE OUT OF PRISON?

WELL, I COULD GIVE YOU
200,000 REASONS WHY.

WHAT, YOU GREASED
THE DOCTORS?

AND A COUPLE OF MEMBERS
OF THE BOARD,

BUT NIK DOESN'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT, SO...

- WHAT, AND YOU ADMIT THAT?
- BUT THAT'S A CRIME.

YEAH, WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

WHAT ARE YOU, COPS?
IT'S UNTRACEABLE.

YOU EVER BRING IT UP AGAIN,
I'LL DENY WE EVER HAD
THIS CONVERSATION.

( jazz music playing )

NOW THAT'S JAZZ.

( chuckles )
$200,000?

WHERE DO YOU GET
THAT KIND OF CASH?

( snapping fingers )

'CAUSE I'M FUCKIN' RICH,
BROTHER.

I MAKE MORE THAN THAT
EVERY MONTH.

WHAT YOU DON'T REALIZE
IS I REPRESENT DRUG DEALERS,

GANGSTERS, EVEN BANKERS.

OKAY, BUT WHY?

AND THEN--
AND WHY TELL US?

AT FIRST, I THOUGHT LIKE YOU,
ZACH, THAT SHE WAS FAKING IT.

SHE EVEN TOLD ME
SHE WAS FAKING IT

TO LURE ME IN
LIKE SOME FEMME FATALE

STRAIGHT OUT OF
"DOUBLE INDEMNITY."

AND THEN I-- YOU KNOW,
I WAS GOING THROUGH
A TOUGH DIVORCE

AND SHE'S JUST--
YOU KNOW, SHE'S SO YUMMY.

SHE'S SO MAGNETIC, RIGHT?

AND I THOUGHT,
"WHY NOT REPRESENT
THIS DAMSEL IN DISTRESS

AFTER SHE JUST KNOCKED OFF
THIS ANIMAL STALKER

SON OF A BITCH, ARM-ROBBING,
FUCKIN' DRUG-DEALING PUNK?

WHICH ARGUABLY
COULD HAVE BEEN A CASE
FOR SELF-DEFENSE.

AND I WAS JUST TRYING
TO LOOK FOR A WAY TO GET HER

AN EASY SENTENCE,
YOU KNOW?

THEN I STARTED
WORKING MY ANGLES
TO GET HER OUT EARLY

AT THE HOSPITAL
BECAUSE...

WELL, SHE JUST MAKES ME
FEEL LIKE I'M 20 AGAIN.

SHE'S WALKING VIAGRA.

( laughing )

OKAY, SO SHE WASN'T
FAKING INSANITY?

NOT IN MY OPINION, NO.

AND SHE'S NOT EVEN CURED,
BUT SHE DOESN'T REALIZE IT YET.

SHE'S ZIPPED
OUT OF HER MIND,

BUT SHE THINKS SHE'S
BRILLIANT-DIAMOND CLEAR.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T REALIZE
HOW DISTURBED SHE WAS MENTALLY

UNTIL I HAD ALREADY
SPRUNG HER.

AND BY THEN,
IT WAS TOO LATE.

WHAT'S SHE DONE
THAT'S SO CRAZY?

WELL, SHE TRADED IN
MY JAG FOR AN OLD '67 G.T.O.
WITH A SHOT TRANSMISSION

BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANNA DRIVE
AROUND IN AN ELITIST VEHICLE.

Marvin:
THAT'S NOT CRAZY.
IT'S JUST NIK.

Zachary:
YEAH, NIKKI HATES
EVERY CAR BUILT AFTER 1979,

- EXCEPT THE MINI COOPER.
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

HOW ABOUT SHE SLEPT
WITH MY PSYCHIATRIST FRIEND

AND GOD KNOWS
HOW MANY OTHERS

SO SHE CAN GET OUT
OF THE INSTITUTION?

ONE OTHER GUY
COMES TO MIND.

WELL, I AM POSITIVE
SHE MURDERED MY SISTER'S
COCKATOO.

- ( yowls )
- ZORRO!

Bert:
I CAN'T PROVE IT, BUT SHE
ALWAYS HATED THAT BIRD.

WE WEREN'T
AT MY SISTER'S HOUSE
FOR MORE THAN 30 MINUTES

AND THAT BIRD ZORRO WAS
ON THE BOTTOM OF THE CAGE,
FEET UP, DEAD.

DO YOU REALLY THINK
SHE'S A HOMICIDAL MANIAC?

NO, NO, THAT'S JUST SOME LINE
WE CAME UP FOR HER DEFENSE,

BUT I SURE THINK
SHE'S SOMETHING.

AND YOU DIDN'T
REALIZE ANY OF THIS

UNTIL YOU SPRUNG HER
FROM THE INSANE ASYLUM?

- THAT'S--
- THAT'S FUCKED UP.

- Marvin: YEAH.
- Bert: I KNOW.

I FEEL LIKE
DR. FRANKENSTEIN--

MY MONSTER OUT THERE
RUNNING AMOK.

WELL, I HOPE
YOU END UP BETTER
THAN DR. FRANKENSTEIN.

QUITE HONESTLY, I DIDN'T
EVEN WANNA BE HERE.

I KNEW NIKKI WAS UP
TO HER OLD TRICKS,
SCHEMING, RIGHT?

BUT IT WAS YOU, MARVIN--
YOU, YOU KNEW.

I DID?
I-- WHAT?

I WAS CURIOUS TO MEET
WITH THREE PEOPLE

WHO HAD BEEN HER LOVERS
AND SURVIVED.

I FIGURED I MIGHT PICK UP
A POINTER OR TWO.

YOU THINK SHE WANTS
TO KILL YOU?

OH, YEAH.

AFTER WE GET MARRIED
FOR MY MONEY

OR AFTER SHE DECIDES
SHE HATES ME.

MOST DEFINITELY.

( sighs )

LISTEN, FELLAS, I KEEP

HAVING THIS REOCCURRING
NIGHTMARE, YOU KNOW?

AND I'M LIKE THAT BIRD
TRAPPED IN THE CAGE AND...

MY BED'S ON FIRE.

- AAH!
- Bert: BUT I WAKE UP
SCREAMING

AND WHO'S THAT LYING
IN THE BED NEXT TO ME,

STARING AT ME?

NIKKI.

WELL, I MEAN,

SHE DOES HAVE
A WARPED SENSE OF HUMOR.

VERY.

HOW DID YOU GUYS
END IT WITH HER?

I MEAN, THAT'S--
THAT'S WHAT I REALLY
NEED TO KNOW.

WE DIDN'T.
SHE BROKE UP WITH US.

YEAH, I MEAN,
MIRANDA IS THE ONLY ONE

WHO HAD THE GUTS
TO DROP NIKKI.

THEY'VE BEEN GONE
A LONG TIME.

I'M GONNA...

( clears throat )

NIKKI? MIRANDA?

YOU GUYS OKAY IN THERE?

WE'RE FINE.
I'M GOOD.

- YOU'RE NOT
GONNA BELIEVE THIS.
- DID NIKKI TRY TO KILL YOU?

- WHAT?
- WELL, BERT WAS OUT THERE.

HE WAS TELLING US ABOUT
NIKKI COMMITTING HOMICIDE
ON A COCKATOO

AND HAVING THESE
RECURRING DREAMS ABOUT
BEING BURNED ALIVE,

AND I JUST-- WELL,
I REALIZED THAT YOU HAD
BEEN GONE ALONE A WHILE.

( laughs )
I'M WAY OFF BASE,
AREN'T I?

- NOT REALLY, NO.
- I'M NOT?

NO, I WAS ACTUALLY
JUST SURPRISED

BY THE ACCURACY
OF YOUR QUESTION.

UM, SHE GAVE ME THIS.

IS THAT A GUN?
THAT'S A REAL GUN?

SHE PULLED IT OUT
OF HER GARTER BELT.

SHE'S WEARING
GARTER BELTS?

I KNOW. I HAVE TO ADMIT
IT WAS KINDA HOT.

SHE JUST, LIKE,
PULLED THAT OUT,
GAVE IT TO YOU?

YEAH. I ACTUALLY
THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA
SHOOT ME AT FIRST,

BUT THEN SHE HANDED IT TO ME
AND SAID, "AS INSURANCE."

- INSURANCE? WHAT FOR?
- I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE SO SHE WOULDN'T
BE TEMPTED TO USE IT.

- ON WHO?
- BERT, HERSELF--
WHO KNOWS?

I'M GONNA PUT THIS AWAY
BECAUSE...

I'M ACTUALLY BEGINNING
TO REVISE MY THEORY ON
HER MENTAL STATE.

- YEAH, ME, TOO.
SHE'S-- SHE'S INSANE.
- AND ON THE WAR PATH.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
WE SHOULD CALL THE COPS.

- AND TELL THEM WHAT?
- ABOUT THE GUN, HER PLAN?

WE DON'T KNOW HER PLAN
AND THE GUN IS IN
MY POSSESSION.

I CAN'T EXACTLY SLIP IT BACK
INTO HER GARTER BELT.

SO WE'RE STUCK.

WHAT-- WHAT WAS--
WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

UH, US GETTING TOGETHER,

WHICH WAS ALSO PART
OF NIKKI'S PLAN--

I'M JUST GONNA GO WITH IT.

ARE WE OUT OF HERE SOON?

WHY? NERVOUS?

( chuckles )

YEAH, RIGHT.

( groans )
THAT DIED QUICK.

- SURE DID.
- ( chuckles )

IF I DIDN'T KNOW
ANY BETTER, NIKKI,

I'D SAY YOU WERE
UP TO SOMETHING,

SITTING THERE
LIKE A CHESHIRE CAT,

GRINNING AND LAUGHING.

DON'T YOU KNOW THE JOKE?

THE JOKE?

OH, THE ONE YOU HAD ON ME?

THAT YOU WERE INTO JAZZ,
THE REBOPS, OUR WHOLE SCENE,

BUT REALLY I WAS
JUST KITSCHY FUN FOR YOU?

( chuckles )
THAT WORD "KITSCHY"--

IT REALLY GETS
UNDER YOUR SKIN,
NOW DOESN'T IT?

LISTEN, THERE'S NOTHING
KITSCHY ABOUT HAVING SOUL,

LIVING JAZZ,
ROLLING TO YOUR OWN GROOVE.

IT'S AUTHENTIC,
NOT LIKE YOU.

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU GET
ALL I'M-MILES-DAVIS AND
FUCK-THE-WHITE-MAN.

IT'S CUTE.

( laughs )

THAT WASN'T THE JOKE
I WAS THINKING OF,

BUT LIKE THAT ONE
THIS ONE'S ON YOU, TOO.

OH, REALLY?

HOW ABOUT THIS?

- YOUR FIANCE...
- HERE WE GO.

...THINKS YOU'RE
A HOMICIDAL MANIAC
ON THE LOOSE.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
NO, NO, NO, NO.

- NO, I DON'T.
- PLEASE, BERT.

THE WHOLE TIME
SHE WAS IN THE BATHROOM,

YOU WERE TRYING TO CONVINCE
ZACH AND ME THAT SHE BELONGS
BACK IN THE NUT HOUSE.

YOU KNOW, THAT IS
A GROSS MISREPRESENTATION
OF WHAT I SAID.

COME ON, BERT, SHE'S GOT YOU
BY THE SHORT AND CURLIES.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU HAVE
NO CREDIBILITY HERE, OKAY?

YOU'RE THE EX-BOYFRIEND,
RIGHT?

I'M NOT SURE I LIKE
YOUR FRIENDS, SWEETHEART.

AND I AM MOST POSITIVE
THEY DON'T LIKE ME,

SO WE NEED TO SHOVE OFF.

YOU KNOW THE JOKE.

- I DO?
- MM.

WHAT JOKE?

TONIGHT IS NOT ABOUT US
PRESSURING YOUR OLD MAN

INTO GIVING YOU
A WEDDING DATE, IS IT?

NO.

THEN WHAT IS IT ABOUT?

REVENGE.

( laughing )

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
REVENGE, BABY?

I MEAN FUCKERS PAY.

DAMN, I FELT THAT
IN MY SPINE.

HEY, YOU GUYS.
YOU GUYS JUST MISSED NIKKI
INFORMING BERT AND ME

THAT TONIGHT
IS ABOUT REVENGE.

YEAH.

- WE KNEW THAT.
- Marvin: WHAT?

- WHAT, YOU GUESSED?
- UM, NO.

NIKKI TOLD ME
IN THE BATHROOM,
I TOLD ZACH,

AND WE'VE BEEN
TRYING TO FIGURE
OUT HER INTENTIONS.

YOU GOT LIPSTICK
ON YOUR EAR?

WE ALSO MADE OUT A BIT.

SO WHAT'S YOUR HYPOTHESIS?

WELL, FIRST OF ALL,
WE BELIEVE YOU.

YOU'RE INSANE.

I WAS.
I'M CURED.

NO, YOU STILL ARE.

I'M NOT A BOO-SCARY
HOMICIDAL MANIAC.

I'M SORRY,
BUT WE THINK SO.

IT'S SAD. I'M--
I'M SAD ABOUT IT.

BERT, TELL THEM.

WELL, DARLING, UM...

I AGREE WITH THEM.

- YOU DO?
- AFRAID SO.

HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?

SOME UNSPEAKABLE HORROR

HAS BEEN BREWING INSIDE YOU
SINCE YOUR RELEASE.

YEAH.

AND TONIGHT
IT'S COME TO A HEAD.

YOU NEED HELP, DEAR.
YOU'RE-- YOU'RE NOT WELL.

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW.

I WAS SO COMPLIMENTED
WHEN YOU GUYS SAW
RIGHT THROUGH

MY "SLAUGHTER-HOUSE FIVE"
DEFENSE, BUT NOW I'M--

( sighs )
I'M DISAPPOINTED.

YOU BOUGHT MY BULLSHIT.

WAKE UP, PEOPLE.

WE JUST REALIZED THAT
YOUR BULLSHIT WAS REAL.

YOU DON'T MAKE
IDLE THREATS.

WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOU
AND WHAT YOU MIGHT DO.

I'M PERFECTLY SANE.
I HAVE BEEN ALWAYS.

INSANITY WAS JUST
MY BOGUS LEGAL DEFENSE.

YOU KNOW,
I FOOLED EVERYONE,
EVEN YOU GUYS.

YOU'RE FOOLING YOURSELF.

MAYBE YOU ALWAYS WERE INSANE,
EVEN WAY BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL.

MAYBE FAKING IT
FOR COURT WAS EASY.

YOU JUST HAD TO ACT NATURAL.

( laughs )
YOU EVEN HAD ME FOOLED

IN THE BEGINNING,
BUT NOT NOW.

Miranda:
YEAH. ME AND ZACH,

WE UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS
FOR WANTING REVENGE.

- YOU DO?
- Zachary: YEAH.

I MEAN, BERT,

FUCKING YOUR CLIENT
WHO'S FACING LIFE
IN PRISON--

THAT'S JUST A STRAIGHT-UP
ABUSE OF POWER.

I RESENT THAT.
I LOVE NIK.

BACK THE FUCK OFF.

Miranda:
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT--

HE IS A GOOD LIAR.

YEAH, I REALLY KNOW
HOW TO PICK 'EM.

AND THEN YOU GOT
MARVIN HERE,

WHO PLEADS IGNORANCE
ABOUT PLANTING THAT HEROIN

AND PUSHING YOU
OFF THE WAGON.

YO, I THOUGHT
WE QUASHED THAT BEEF.

MAYBE.

I MEAN, WE CAN NEVER KNOW
IF THAT CLAIM IS TRUE OR NOT.

BUT IF NIKKI
THINKS IT HAPPENED,
YOU'RE IN JEOPARDY.

- OF WHAT?
- BEING SHOT, FOR ONE.

- NIKKI'S GONNA SHOOT ME?
- WHO KNOWS?

SHE WANTS REVENGE.

DON'T WORRY.

I THOUGHT ABOUT IT,
FANTASIZED, BUT NO.

Miranda:
AND THEN THERE'S ME.

I BROKE UP WITH NIKKI.

IT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO,
BUT SHE CAN HOLD A GRUDGE

LONGER THAN THE HALF-LIFE
OF URANIUM.

10 MILLION YEARS.

THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH
MOTIVATION TO KNOCK ME OFF.

I BETRAYED YOU.
I LEFT YOU.

BUT OUR QUANDARY--
THE QUESTION OF ZACH.

YEAH.

WE COULDN'T FIGURE OUT
WHY YOU'D WANT REVENGE ON ME.

IF YOU WERE TO, SAY,
WHIP OUT A PISTOL

AND SHOOT EVERYONE
AT THIS TABLE, WHY ME?

WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU
THAT WAS SO AWFUL?

I'M SORRY. WHAT'S WITH
ALL THE CHIT-CHAT

ABOUT PEOPLE GETTING SHOT?

- IT'S A HYPOTHETICAL.
- YEAH.

WE THOUGHT IF NIKKI
WAS TO GO HOMICIDAL,
HOW WOULD SHE DO IT?

- WHAT METHOD WOULD SHE USE?
- RIGHT, AND MY THEORY
WAS SHOOTING RAMPAGE.

BUT WE MOVED
OFF THAT BECAUSE

ONCE THE FIRST PERSON
GOT SHOT, EVERYONE WOULD
DIVE FOR COVER.

SHE'D BE LUCKY
TO GET TWO OF US.

AND THEN THERE'S
RELOADING, SO--

I'D NEED A MACHINE GUN.

Miranda:
THEN WE THOUGHT
SHE GATHERED US ALL

BECAUSE SHE WANTED
TO KILL HERSELF.

- SHE'S VERY THEATRICAL.
- WE MOVED OFF THAT.

NIKKI MIGHT JOKE ABOUT SUICIDE,
BUT SHE WOULD NEVER COMMIT IT.

SHE LOVES LIFE TOO MUCH.

HER MANTRA IN REHAB WAS...

KURT COBAIN WAS A PUSSY.

IT'S TRUE,
HE WAS.

DAVE GROHL
MADE NIRVANA.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT--
YOU TWO FROOT LOOPS

WERE MAKING OUT
IN THE BATHROOM

AND JUST DREAMING UP
THESE SCENARIOS?

YEAH.

( laughs )
AND I THOUGHT
NIK WAS PSYCHOTIC.

STOP CALLING ME NIK,
MOTHERFUCKER!

WHAT?

I CAN TAKE PSYCHOTIC
FROM YOU,

BUT NOT NIK,
NOT ANYMORE.

I NEVER KNEW
NIK BOTHERED YOU.

IT MAKES ME WANNA
SCRATCH YOUR FACE OFF
WITH MY FINGERNAILS.

I'M-- I'M SORRY.

YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING.

Miranda:
SO, NIKKI.

- NIKKI?
- YEAH?

HOW ARE YOU GOING
TO TAKE REVENGE?
AND ON WHO?

WELL, I MEAN,
LET'S SEE.

( clears throat )

IF I WANTED TO KILL
ALL OF YOU AT ONCE,

A CURIOUS PROPOSITION,
THE WAY TO GO,

MY METHOD--
LET'S SEE--

( clicks tongue )
WOULD BE A MODIFIED
JIM JONES.

I'D POISON
ALL YOUR COCKTAILS.

- DRINKS?
- SPRITE.

ANYBODY ELSE?

- UM, I'M OKAY.
- NO, NO.

NO. JUST THE CHECK,
PLEASE.

Miranda:
YOU'D POISON
OUR COCKTAILS?

Nikki:
WELL, YEAH.
I MEAN, WHY NOT?

I'M PRACTICALLY AN EXPERT.

I KILLED MARK VON DOUCHEBAG
WITH A QUARTER GRAM

OF SUPER-CONCENTRATED,
TASTELESS, ODORLESS ARSENIC
I BREWED UP MYSELF.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WAIT A SECOND.

I NEVER HEARD YOU
SAY THAT BEFORE.

YOU ALWAYS INSISTED THAT...

YOU COULDN'T REMEMBER.

YOU BREWED IT YOURSELF?

Nikki:
YEAH. IT WAS EASY.

I FOUND THE RECIPE
ON THE INTERNET.

I DISTILLED FOUR BIG BOXES
OF RAT POISON

DOWN TO JUST ONE CUP

OF PURE, POTENT,

TOXIC BLISS.

( laughs )
IT BROUGHT ME BACK TO
A.P. CHEMISTRY, WHICH I ACED.

BUT THAT CLASS WITH MR. PLUNK,
THE GUY WITH THE MUSTACHE--
YOU REMEMBER THAT?

I DO.
SHE GOT AN "A."

OH, ALL THAT HOMEWORK
PAID OFF.

MARK DROPPED DEAD
INSIDE 72 MINUTES.

YOU TIMED IT?

- Nikki: OH, YEAH,
OF COURSE.
- ( ticking )

- I WATCHED...
- OH, FUCK.

...HIM BREATHE
HIS LAST BREATH.

OH, IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

Marvin:
ARE YOU SAYING YOU
SLIPPED US A MICKEY

WHEN YOU BROUGHT
THOSE DRINKS

OR IN THE CHAMPAGNE?

TAKE YOUR PICK.
I COULD'VE DONE IT EITHER WAY

IF I WANTED TO KILL
ALL OF YOU.

THAT WAS THE QUESTION.

- DO YOU?
- NO.

- SOME OF US?
- NO.

- ANY OF US?
- RELAX. IT'S JUST
A PARLOR GAME.

I HOPE SO.

IS IT?

WHAT?

ME? WHY?

RELAX, ZACH.
NO REASON TO POISON YOU.

- YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD.
- I AM?

PRACTICALLY, YES.

YOU HAVE A MEANINGLESS JOB
YOU HATE THAT SUCKS THE JOY
OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

YOU EAT AT HOME ALONE
EVERY NIGHT.

YOU BUY TONS OF TOYS
AND CRAP YOU DON'T NEED

TO MAKE YOU HAPPY,
BUT YOU'RE MISERABLE.

ASIDE FROM 15 MINUTES AGO,
I BET YOU HAVEN'T KISSED
A GIRL IN MONTHS.

YOUR EXISTENCE IS BLAH.

YOU'VE LOST YOUR MOJO.

- ZACH HAD MOJO?
- FUCKLOADS.

I DID... IN HIGH SCHOOL.

WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW
ANY OF THIS STUFF ABOUT ME?

I HAVEN'T EVEN
SEEN YOU IN A DECADE.

- I'VE BEEN SPYING ON YOU.
- YOU HAVE?

HOW LONG?

FOUR MONTHS.

YOU'VE ONLY BEEN OUT
FOR FOUR MONTHS.

( snaps fingers )
BINGO!

I'VE BEEN PLANNING TONIGHT
SINCE BEFORE I GOT OUT.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU GUYS
AN EMBARRASSING

AND REVEALING STORY
ABOUT ME INVOLVING ZACH.

I'VE NEVER TOLD THIS
TO ANYONE EXCEPT ZACH.

WE GOT TOGETHER
WHEN WE WERE 15.

ZACH WAS A VIRGIN,
I WASN'T.

OH, NIKKI, STOP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THERE.

I WAS MOLESTED.

I SUSPECTED
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

AND NOT JUST ONCE EITHER.

THERE WAS AN UNCLE,
MY THIRD GRADE TEACHER,

MY SOCCER COACH,

MY MOM'S BOYFRIEND.

THAT'S ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOU
INSANE RIGHT THERE.

I FELT LIKE I WAS
UP FOR GRABS.

LIKE MY BODY
WASN'T MINE.

MY OWN SKIN...

REPULSED ME.

AND THEN I MET
THIS COOL GUY ZACH.

WE HAVE LOTS
OF CLASSES TOGETHER

BECAUSE WE'RE BOTH
GENIUS FRESHMEN.

WE WORSHIPPED
THE SAME OBSCURE BANDS,

AND SO WE STARTED
GOING ON DATES.

AND ZACH WAS...

A PERFECT GENTLEMAN.

YOU KNOW, I MADE UP
THESE RULES FOR WHAT
I WAS COMFORTABLE WITH

FOR WHEN WE WERE KISSING,
AND HIS HANDS--

THEY NEVER STRAYED.

AND SO I KNEW AT THE END
OF OUR JUNIOR YEAR

THAT I WANTED
TO POP HIS CHERRY

LIKE A BIG, JUICY BUG.

Zachary:
SHE JUST ASKED ME
ONE DAY OUT OF THE BLUE.

BLEW MY MIND.

OKAY.

- OH, YEAH.
- OKAY.

- YEAH, YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT. BYE.

BYE.

( Nikki laughs )
IT WAS A DISASTER.

THE MINUTE WE GET DOWN
TO DOING THE DIRTY DEED,

WHAM, I FEEL THIS,
LIKE, INTENSE, SHARP PAIN
THROUGH MY ENTIRE BODY

AND IT CRIPPLES ME
AND I CAN'T STOP CRYING.

VIRGIN IDIOT ME THINKS
I SCREWED UP THE CONDOM

OR SOMETHING-- HURT YOU.

THAT'S HORRIBLE.

IT TOOK ME A WHOLE MONTH
TO GET THE COURAGE TO ASK
ZACH TO TRY AGAIN.

THE SECOND TIME
WAS EVEN WORSE.

OH, FUCK!

SHE PULLED A MIKE TYSON
RIGHT ON MY NIPPLE.

WE TRIED TWO MORE TIMES,
BUT THE PAIN WAS STILL THERE.

I KEPT FREAKING OUT.

BUT ZACH NEVER LEFT.

HE NEVER RAN AWAY.
HE JUST...

LET ME CHEW HIS EAR OFF
ABOUT THE MOST DEPRAVED,

SICKENING THINGS
YOU CAN IMAGINE.

AND EVENTUALLY,
ON OUR FIFTH ATTEMPT,

WE WORKED.

I WAS OVER MY PHOBIA.

AND THEN IT GOT REALLY...

GOOD, NICE.

Marvin:
AND ZACH MAN
FOUND A GROOVE.

ACTUALLY
KIND OF CHARMING.

YOU STOOD BY HER, ZACH.

YOU'RE THE HERO.

YEAH, WELL, 10 MONTHS LATER,
SHE DUMPED MY ASS.

( sighs )
THAT'S THE POINT
OF THE WHOLE STORY, ZACH.

YOU GOT BORING.

I KNOW.
I KNOW I DID.

IT WOULD KILL ME
TO TALK ON THE PHONE WITH YOU
WHEN YOU WERE AT COLLEGE,

JUST BABBLING ON ABOUT
YOUR BUSINESS CLASSES

AND THE STOCK MARKET
AND DONALD TRUMP

AND YOUR
NEWFOUND APPRECIATION
FOR ADVERTISING.

- IT WAS PATHETIC.
- WELL, YOU JUST MATURED.

YOU KNEW YOU HAD TO
GO OUT AND FIND A JOB.

I DID THE SAME THING
WHEN I WAS THAT AGE.

NO.

NIKKI'S RIGHT.

I USED TO DRAW AND PAINT,
WRITE POETRY.

I LOVED MUSIC, MOVIES,
BOOKS, ART.

I HAVEN'T ENJOYED
ANY OF THAT STUFF IN YEARS.

I HAVEN'T EVEN BOUGHT
A C.D. IN YEARS

AND I USED TO BUY THREE
A WEEK, AND THAT WAS WHEN
I HAD NO JOB AND NO MONEY.

( sighs )

SO, I WAS-- I WAS SITTING
IN MY HOSPITAL CELL

AND I WAS STEWING ABOUT
THE CRUEL UNIVERSE

AND ALL THE PEOPLE
WHO HAD DOUBLE-CROSSED ME

AND CHEATED ME AND LIED
TO AND ABUSED ME.

AND THEN I THOUGHT
OF YOU, ZACH,

THE ONE AUTHENTIC
GOOD GUY IN MY LIFE

WHO LET HIS OWN
LIFE SLIP AWAY.

AND SO I DECIDED

AS SOON AS I GOT OUT,
I WOULD HOST A PARTY
JUST FOR YOU.

TONIGHT'S ABOUT ME?

OH, YEAH.

IT'S ANOTHER OF MY GENIUS
ORCHESTRATIONS,

DESIGNED TO SNAP
YOU BACK, JOLT YOU,

REAWAKEN YOUR SENSE
OF BEING ALIVE.

WELL, I MEAN,
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

SO IS THAT--
IS THAT IT?

ARE WE DONE?

NO, I'M JUST
GETTING STARTED.

I UNDERSTAND THE SAD STORY.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
POISON ZACH, OKAY?

BUT WHAT ABOUT
THE REST OF US?

WHY?
DO YOU FEEL STRANGE?

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS
ANSWER A QUESTION
WITH ANOTHER QUESTION?

IT'S ANNOYING.

BECAUSE IT MAKES THE PUZZLE
EXPAND EXPONENTIALLY.

I LEARNED THAT
FROM SOCRATES.

SHE'S NOT GONNA
POISON ANYBODY--

NOT HERE, NOT NOW
IN A PUBLIC PLACE WITH
ALL THESE WITNESSES.

RIGHT,

BECAUSE I'M AFRAID
OF MAKING A SCENE, BERT.

Miranda:
JUST TELL THEM, NIKKI.

TELL ME.

I WOULD NEVER
HARM YOU, MIRANDA.

YOU GAVE ME THE COURAGE
TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF WHEN
I NEEDED IT THE MOST.

WITHOUT YOUR AMAZING,
BEAUTIFUL LOVE,

I WOULD JUST BE
ANOTHER DEAD JUNKIE.

SO RELAX.

ENJOY THE SHOW.

IT'S US, MAN.

IT'S NOBODY.

SHE'S JUST GETTING
HER ROCKS OFF.

YOU SAID IT YOURSELF--
SHE'S BEEN SMILING

AT US ALL NIGHT LIKE
SOME CHESHIRE CAT.

SOMETHING AIN'T RIGHT.

WHERE IS THAT CHECK?

LOOK AT YOU TWO.

IT'S MASS HYSTERIA
UP IN HERE.

MM!

I GOT A HEADACHE FROM
ALL YOUR SHENANIGANS.

WHAT KIND OF HEADACHE?
LIKE A REALLY SCARY,
BAD MIGRAINE?

NO. I'M ANNOYED.

YOU NEED HELP, NIK.

NIKKI.
COME ON, LET'S GO.

JUMP IN THE G.T.O.
WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS.

WHY ARE YOU SO CONCERNED
WITH HEADACHES?

IT'S A SYMPTOM
OF ARSENIC POISONING.

I'M A NURSE.
I'VE SEEN IT
A COUPLE TIMES.

YOU'RE A NURSE?

YEAH, MIRANDA'S GRACE
UNDER PRESSURE.

SHE THRIVES ON INTENSITY.

SHE SAVED ME TWICE
WHEN I O.D.'D.

( gasps, coughing )

TO HELL WITH
THIS WAITRESS.

THAT'LL TAKE CARE
OF THE CHAMPAGNE.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR
SCHEMING NONSENSE, OKAY?

TRYING TO CONVINCE US ALL
THAT YOU POISONED OUR DRINKS--

THAT'S NO JOKE, OKAY?

THAT'S INSANITY.
YOU NEED HELP,

PROFESSIONAL
PSYCHIATRIC HELP.

I'D GO BACK ANY TIME.

THE SHRINKS AT THAT
LAST HEALTH SPA WERE
OOH LA LA, SO HANDSOME.

Marvin:
OH, SHIT.

AW, SHIT.

I GOT WAY
BEYOND A HEADACHE.

IS HE ACTING?

AM I?

"DO MY KISSES BURN?"

WHAT?

"DO THEY TAKE YOUR BREATH?
YOU GOT A LESSON TO LEARN."

- "I'M THE KISS OF DEATH."
- HOLY SHIT.

DAMN.

I'M FLYING.

( laughs )
"KISS OF DEATH."

COME ON.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

IT'S A SONG FROM
THE THRILL KILL KULT.

- WHAT IS THIS?
- "EYE OF NEWT

AND TOE OF FROG,
WOOL OF BAT AND--"

WELL, I MEAN HOWEVER
THE REST OF THE BREW GOES.

ANOTHER BULLSHIT SONG?

IT'S THE WITCHES
FROM "MACBETH."

OH, ANOTHER BAND
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF.

- SHAKESPEARE.
- RIGHT. I KNEW YOU
WERE ACTING.

THIS REVENGE

FOR YOUR DELUSIONAL
BEEF WITH ME--

I AM PERFECTLY SANE.

NO, YOU'RE NOT--

YOU'RE A POOR GIRL
WHO GOT ABUSED,

SICK AND TWISTED
AND NEVER HEALED.

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S TRUE.
I'LL GIVE YOU THAT ONE, TOO.

THIS GUY IS GOOD,
A REAL PRO.

69 MINUTES,
HOW EROTIC.

REALLY?
YOU POISONED HIM?

COME ON. PLEASE.
HE'S FAKING.

DID YOU CHECK HIS I.D. WHEN
HE CAME IN LIKE YOU DID ME?

COULD'VE BEEN YOU, ZACH.

LOST SOUL.

I ALMOST PUT YOU OUT
OF YOUR MISERY,

BUT I HAD SECOND THOUGHTS.

I SAVED YOU.

DO YOU LOVE ME FOR THAT?

I'M SORRY.

FOR WHAT?

I PLANTED THE BADNESS.

FUCK.

YOU DID, MARVIN?

I DID. I--

Marvin:
I LOVED US.

I REALLY DID.

I FORGIVE YOU.

Miranda:
MARVIN?

MARVIN? MARVIN?

WAKE UP.

MARVIN.
MARVIN, WAKE UP.

- CAN YOU HEAR ME?
- YOU POISONED HIM?

OOPS.

WHAT DO WE TELL THE JUDGE
AND JURY THIS TIME?

DID YOU POISON ME?

( ringing )

Bert:
Thanks for getting
back to me.

- Man: Is she there?
- Bert: No, no, no.
She's out for a run.

Man:
You are a piece of work.
A hot piece of ass like that

and you wanna send her back
to the institution?

Bert:
She's not who
I thought she was.

Look, I'm never
gonna marry this chick.

- I don't love her.
- Man: So break up with her.

Bert:
I can't! Look, just say
she had a relapse,

say you made a mistake.
Just put her back in.

I'll double the money
I paid you.

Man:
Counselor, that was
a one-time deal.

As much as I enjoyed her
company, I suggest you sack
up and dump her ass.

- Don't call me again.
- Bert: No, no, no.
Listen, listen.

Damn it.

WHY? DO YOU THINK
YOU DESERVE IT?

NO MORE OF YOUR RIDDLES.
I WANT ANSWERS NOW!

( Nikki laughs )

NO, I DIDN'T.

NO?

I DIDN'T POISON YOU.

HELLO. EMERGENCY.
WE NEED AN AMBULANCE.

- WE'RE POPULAR.
- I-- I HAVE A PULSE.

- IT'S WEAK, BUT IT'S THERE.
- WHAT NOW?

- OH, I RUN.
- YOU FLEE?

IS THAT YOUR BRILLIANT
MASTER PLAN?

ONLY THERE'S
A DENOUEMENT.

I KEEP TABS ON YOU,
SEE YOU LOSE YOUR JOB,

YOUR LAW LICENSE,
SEE THE DOCTORS AT
THE HOSPITAL SELL YOU OUT,

MAYBE EVEN SEE YOU GO TO
JAIL FOR FRAUD AND BRIBERY.

NEVER PUT INCRIMINATING
SHIT IN A DRAWER WITH
A CRAPPY LOCK, BERT.

OTHERWISE,
YOUR LAW PARTNERS MAY GET
COPIES OF CANCELED CHECKS.

YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT--

EXPOSE YOURSELF.

THEY'D PUT YOU AWAY
IN THAT ASYLUM FOR GOOD.

I'LL BE GONE.

POOF.
I'VE HAD MONTHS TO PLAN.

THEY'LL NEVER FIND ME.

BUT YOU...
( laughs )

( people gasping )

( coughing )

GET OFF HER!

HEY, MAN, STOP, STOP!
GET OFF HER, MAN!

- STOP IT!
- ( coughing )

( people gasping )

AAH!

- ARE YOU OKAY?
- OH, MY GOD.

YEAH, I'M FINE.

WOW, THAT WAS CLOSE.

- BUT THANKS.
- INSURANCE.

AGAINST BERT.

- YEAH.
- OH, NO, NO.

- I AM NOT
GIVING YOU THIS GUN.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

- YOU JUST FREAKING
MURDERED MARVIN!
- MARVIN ISN'T DEAD.

I JUST WHACKED HIM OUT
ON ROHYPNOL AND KETAMINE.

- HE'S IN A K-HOLE?
- DEEP IN IT.

TELL THE E.M.T.s.
THEY'LL KNOW WHAT TO DO.

AND SERIOUSLY, YOU DO NOT
WANT THAT SKANKY GUN

ON YOU WHEN
THE COPS SHOW UP.
I BOUGHT IT OFF A CRACKHEAD.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY BODIES
ARE ON THAT THING.

- YEAH.
- OKAY.

( sirens approaching )

- BYE.
- GOODBYE.

Waitress:
YOU GUYS.

THIS GUY'S DEAD.
( mutters )

♪ DON'T ROLL YOUR EYES
AT DECEPTION ♪

♪ YOUR PASSION PLAYS

♪ OPEN THE DOORS
OF PERCEPTION ♪

♪ STEP THROUGH THE MAZE

♪ HERE'S THE DEAL...

RISE AND SHINE.

HEY, HEY.

I WAS WAITING--

I WAS WAITING TO SEE
IF I COULD BAIL YOU OUT.

CHIVALROUS.
THANK YOU, BUT NO NEED.

THEY LET ME GO.

THEY CALLED IT ASSAULT
IN DEFENSE OF ANOTHER.

- THAT'S A RELIEF.
- YEAH.

DID THE DETECTIVES
SAY ANYTHING ABOUT
MARVIN OR BERT?

( whispers ) YES.
CAN WE GET OUT OF HERE?

- OKAY?
- YES.

- YEAH.
- MARVIN'S GONNA BE FINE.

THE DOCTORS SAID HE'LL BE
HIGH FOR ANOTHER DAY OR TWO.

( laughs )
I GUESS NIKKI TAUGHT HIM.

UH, SHE TAUGHT
BERT WORSE.

HE'LL LIVE, BUT LEGALLY
HE'S A MESS.

THE THREE GUYS FROM THE BAR
ARE PRESSING ASSAULT CHARGES

AND HE ATTACKED THE COPS
THAT ARRESTED HIM.

WOW. SO MUCH
FOR HIS LEGAL CAREER.

NIKKI SAID SHE WANTED
HIS BALLS BURNING.

THEY ARE SIZZLING.

DO YOU THINK THAT
NIKKI'S REALLY CRAZY

OR DO YOU THINK SHE'S
JUST FAKING FOR EFFECT?

HONESTLY, I THINK
NIKKI'S BEYOND SANITY.

I MEAN, SHE PULLED
LAST NIGHT OFF.

THAT TOOK RATIONAL, SANE,
BUT TOTALLY INSANE PLANNING.

YEAH.

THIS IS MY RIDE.

SWEET BUMPER STICKER.

- HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT TACOS?
- FOR BREAKFAST?

YEAH. I KNOW
THIS HOLE IN THE WALL.

NIKKI AND I USED TO GO
THERE AFTER SHOWS.

I FIGURED SINCE WE JUST
WITNESSED ONE OF HER
GENIUS ORCHESTRATIONS...

I LIKE TACOS.

♪ HERE'S THE DEAL

♪ MY EVIL GENIUS WAYS

♪ NO FREE RIDE

♪ NO FREE RIDE

♪ EVERYBODY PAYS

♪ EVERYBODY PAYS

♪ SO HERE'S THE DEAL

♪ MY EVIL GENIUS WAYS

♪ NO FREE RIDE

♪ EVERYBODY PAYS

♪ EVERYBODY PAYS.

( rock music playing )

♪ HEY, HEY

♪ HEY, HEY

♪ HEY, HEY

♪ RAH RAH RAH

♪ HEY, HEY

♪ RAH RAH RAH

♪ HEY, HEY

♪ RAH RAH RAH.

( rock music playing )

♪ SLOW DOWN

♪ INSIDE

♪ SHE'S GOING DOWN

♪ FORGET

♪ I AM ONLY TROUBLE

♪ I CAN ONLY FIND
THE TROUBLED KIND ♪

♪ I SHOULD'VE RUN

♪ WHEN I COULD SEE THE SUN

♪ AND HE'S NOT RIGHT

♪ IF I STICK AROUND,
HOLDING ME DOWN ♪

♪ HE WANTS A FIGHT

♪ BUT I CAN ONLY FIND
THE TROUBLED KIND ♪

♪ TROUBLED...