Original subtitles

WHAT'S COOKING IN PARIS

- Good evening, sir. - Good evening, madam.

All is well?

- Very well, thank you. - Very well.

What a good idea, coming here.

- It's not at all expensive. - How much?

- 20,000 a head. - Without wine?

- Of course. - A gift.

If they ask for a liqueur, it's on the house.

- And if they don't? - Nothing.

- What's that? - Eggs mimosa, Mr Septime.

- You call that eggs mimosa? - Yes.

To simulate eggs mimosa foliage, I want tarragon!

Come on.

Be careful.

- Who did that? - He did.

Him?

- You did this? - So what?

Watch your tone.

I've already said that to simulate eggs mimosa foliage,

I want tarragon, not parsley.

- Tell the chef. - I don't care about the chef.

What's the matter?

- OK, Marcel? - What's up?

A trifle.

Mr Septime wants to use tarragon.

In the mimosa? Parsley and onions.

No tarragon. That's not good.

- That's what I said. - No.

You're not happy with my godson?

Oh, he's your godson?

- Louise's boy. - Oh! He looks just like her.

- Is Louise well? - Very well.

- And you, Marcel? - Very, very well.

Too many cooks in this kitchen, don't you think?

I have to be going.

Only he can give me a complex.

Shame! Aren't you ashamed?

Coward!

No. That's quite enough.

What can you do!

- Tie. - Oh, sorry.

My Lady called?

No. I was calling Poupette.

You're not called Poupette!

Are you called Poupette? Disappear.

Sorry.

- Very good, Septime. - Thank you, my Lord. The bag.

After you.

- Where is he? - Here, Mr Septime.

Cloakroom.

It was very good. We'll be back.

I'll see you out.

What's that?

Thursday, my Lord.

President Novales off to the Elysée.

More traffic jams.

When you've dropped me at the Elysée,

book me a table for dinner at Septime's.

But, your Excellency...

I said at Septime's.

Mr Septime...

- Sorry? - Look.

Where?

Over there.

- Wait... - There. Write.

- Oh, no? - Yes.

Thank you, Roger.

A little cachou?

No, thank you, Roger. How kind.

Please!

Monsieur?

What's wrong?

I've stained my tie.

No. Don't touch. Wait.

Don't move. Hands like this.

No. There. It's there.

Oh, Minister!

Minister?

The secretary of state.

The undersecretary of state.

The...?

No matter.

My dear Septime, here's one you haven't heard.

You're going to make me laugh again.

One day, my principal private secretary...

He's a scream!

Come now, wait!

My principal private secretary asks me to bring him...

It was his sister!

Very sharp. Very witty. He's a charming chap.

- My friend! - Commissioner.

Two colleagues from abroad.

- Commendatore Riganti. - How do you do?

And his German colleague, Dr Muller.

Pleased to meet you.

I promised him you'd give him the recipe for your souffle.

Please.

- It's a professional secret. - Just between us...

For you, Commissioner...

Right. You take one kilo of potatoes.

For how many people?

It depends whether they're normal or abnormal, a fat person.

One kilo of potatoes,

one litre of milk, three eggs,

90 grams of butter, salt and nutmeg.

Nutmeg.

I repeat, Herr Muller.

Signor Riganti, Commissioner...

Understood, Herr Muller?

Goodbye, Herr Muller.

- Your coat. - You're leaving during lunch?

Yes. I have to go to...

You're a dark horse. I'll have to look into that.

Oh, no. I'm going to see my poor old mother.

- She's 90 and this tall. - She won't grow now.

See you soon.

Gentlemen, here's the souffle.

Monsieur.

Wait...

Look! Did you see that? Look up there.

Up where?

That's rather exaggerated.

They'll think that's weird.

I'm curious to know what they think of me

and how they treat customers when I'm not there.

Well, my lads...

I think I've had an idea.

Good day, sir.

- Isn't the boss here? - No. Mr Septime has gone out.

- You must be pleased. - Why should I be pleased?

- Is it too late for lunch? - Not at all.

Monsieur shall have what Monsieur wishes.

- See to Monsieur. - Good day, monsieur. This way.

My God!

- Isn't the boss here? - Mr Septime has gone out.

You must be pleased.

- You must be pleased. - My word!

- Are you happy, then? - Yes.

- Sorry. - It's nothing, monsieur.

There's a draught here. Draughts everywhere.

- I'll take this table. - Certainly, monsieur.

Septime's unfair, don't you think?

- He's unfair. - My word!

Unfair, is he? You said it.

Sorry. Here. I'll be fine here.

- Oh, my goodness! - It's nothing, monsieur.

Between the piano and the cold, I'll take flu.

Let's go over here.

- This one's reserved. - No matter.

Is this all right?

There. Thank you.

Excuse me. Wait.

Let's see, let's see...

Come now...

Wait, a poetic idea comes to me.

- Monsieur writes? - I dabble. A rhyme or two.

May I recommend the duck à la rouennaise?

"Duck à la rouennaise,

roast boar au vélours"...

- Au vélours? - Au velours.

"Roast boar au velours."

"Rabbit à la cabriole." Oh! "La cabriole"!

- I don't recommend that. - You don't?

Wait. Another poetic idea.

- Give me a radish. - Sorry?

- Give me a radish. - Very well, monsieur. And?

And if I'm still peckish, a yoghurt.

A yoghurt.

- Quick. I'm in a rush. - It shall be swift.

No. Leave it with me.

What do you advise with a radish?

Monsieur could have a Muscadet.

Is that dry or sweet?

- Rather dry. - I'd prefer something sweet.

A Sauternes, then.

- Is that sweet? - Very sweet.

- Too sweet? - A demi-sec, perhaps?

No. I'd rather a demi-sweet.

Give it here, since you don't know...

How is your Evian water?

It's very cold.

- And your Perrier water? - That's good too.

A Perrier water, lukewarm only slightly sparkling.

Don't snatch it off me. Gently. Calmly.

No. I asked for a radish. A radish. There, that's all.

I have no knife.

I don't need it. Thanks.

Ah! Very good. Thank you. And 10 makes 50.

Thank you.

A pleasant lunch?

Would Monsieur care for a dessert?

A small carrot for Monsieur, sprinkled with...

- Mr Septime! - Hush!

Swine.

Conscientiousness, catering, French tradition...

Have you forgotten everything?

Grandeur, nobility... You are a swine.

Are you making fun of me?

I don't know what time Mr Septime will be back.

I'm here. Go away.

He's gone.

He arrived in a wig, dressed up...

He asked for this table, then that...

He takes the menu... A radish!

A carrot?

He ripped off his wig... "Swine! Swine!"

My God, my God, my God...

I shall be worthy of his choice. A prestigious head of state...

Please, Mr Septime. We want to choose the table.

I'm in charge of security. I'd like to inspect the premises.

Nothing could be simpler.

Mademoiselle.

Many crowned heads have sat here.

This way, mademoiselle.

Number 15, perhaps? No? Fine.

- Number eight. Over there. - No. Definitely not eight.

His Excellency the president is very superstitious.

- Here, the eight... - At home too.

- Oh? What about 13? - 13. Yes.

The Queen of England was sitting there.

There she was, very slim...

The prince was there...

The royal children here.

- No special menu? - The president trusts you.

- He loves surprises. - I'll try to please.

There is something.

He insists on tasting your speciality dessert.

The Septime pyramid.

Tell him that, for his Excellency, Septime will exceed expectations.

- Everything all right? - You're sure of your staff?

Absolutely. There are three gendarmes' sons...

There's no bad blood? You understand me?

The only policy here is customer satisfaction.

Thank you.

- See you tonight, Mr Septime. - I'll see you out.

My God!

You embody the decadence of French catering!

For the fourth brigade, yours, 4:30 in the rehearsal room,

drama classes applied to catering.

- Again? - And again!

My God!

You come too. It won't do you any harm.

Smile, damn it!

Smile! Not bad. You, go on. Quick!

Not bad. Go on.

No! Damn it! Come back here.

I've told you 100 times to stand like this.

Natural. Normal.

Catch. If you break it, you'll pay. Go on.

That's not bad. Your turn.

Your turn, quick!

Enough!

Shut it!

Shut it! There!

Not good. Take my place.

I'll explain.

Here, you're in the kitchen. Beyond the door is the restaurant.

We must serve and smile.

The smile is our tip. There!

I'll show you.

Here, I have problems. Everybody has.

But we must serve and we shall.

Go on, open it.

And I smile.

Now, my dear Roger will show you what to do.

You have problems.

We must serve!

Smile and go.

I don't know, Mr Septime.

Maybe it's the pulley.

Stand aside. You, work that.

- That's better. - Very good, even.

You stand there. Wait. Take that.

We'll go again. You have problems.

You have just had some problems.

And we start again.

You serve, you smile and you leave.

That was you.

That was you.

That was you. Come here, Roger.

Come here.

It wasn't me, Mr Septime.

- Note down his punishment. - May I?

Go ahead.

Copy out 20 menus at home for tonight.

And I'll add 10 for tomorrow...

- In Gothic! - Gothic?

My God, my God...

You're starting to annoy me with your my Gods.

- You disapprove of me. - Oh, at this stage...

Get used to these modern methods.

My God, my God!

Mr Septime! I was looking for you.

Here I am.

I tidied up the cellar. There's no more...

Come again.

I tidied up the cellar. There's no more...

Nuits-Saint-Georges 1949. Correct?

- I'll get some in. - How nice of you.

Tell me, how's your Gothic script?

- Yes. It's very difficult. - We'll come back to that.

Let's see if everyone's learnt their lesson.

Pick up your props. Places.

You two who do nothing, stick that over there.

You two, pushing brooms. Hop to it!

"My God, my God!" Yes, I know, it's degrading.

Now, all together.

Come along!

Go on.

No. One second. I'll count us in.

And three, four...

Get out.

Come here.

- Was I all right? - Not bad, my dear Roger.

Two-faced sod!

You, watch yourself.

Three, four...

Plié, stretch your leg and hop!

Stop! What's got into you?

What is this collective madness?

That's right. It was him, Mr Septime.

Why did you speed up?

If I hadn't stopped it, where would it have led?

- Agitator! - You're right.

Right. Line up.

You'll pay for that. You'll see.

Line up. Come on!

Down there, my dear Roger. You'll pay for that.

Someone tripped you up.

Who did that?

- Bravo! Is this mutiny? - Mutiny! My God!

- You'll pay tomorrow. - Why tomorrow, Mr Septime?

Tonight, a prestigious guest of France,

President Novales, honours us with his presence.

Our restaurant is the embassy of French gastronomy.

In serving tonight, you will serve France.

You, agitator, listen a second.

And listen well.

Listen.

Do me an arrangement for tonight.

- Tonight? - You have two hours. It's enough.

- There must be 30 musicians. - It'll be easier for three instruments.

A quick shortcut.

- Does your violinist play flute? - Flute?

That'll be fine. Julien, come here.

Tell me... Open your eyes! Wake up.

- Did your father play cello? - Yes. Papa played cello.

You'll hold the cello tonight.

When the president arrives

I'll give you a discreet signal to start the anthem, like this.

For instance, let's suppose...

And I'll do...

Don't make fun of me. You'd better watch yourself.

Mr President, mademoiselle, monsieur...

What pleasure, what...

Please, Mr Septime. I'm starving.

Excuse me. Where has he gone?

Go and open it!

Here. Sorry. There.

After you. You, the door!

This way.

This way, please.

Your Excellency.

These gentlemen will look after you, Mr President.

I'll be right back.

You're a swine. You'll pay clearly for that.

It's shameful. You know it's shameful.

Don't touch that! No manners.

What's that? Don't touch that.

I give the orders here!

- Where's your hat? - I don't have one.

Look... Come, now.

Yes. Maybe.

Not you. My godson will drive.

I like him.

Remember. In the dining room, pay no attention.

- Is that caramel? - Don't bother about it. Go.

Yes, I know. I'm a coward. So what?

Get on, godson!

It's lovely.

Bravo.

That's alcohol.

My God!

What is it?

Don't panic. It was a surprise.

Don't panic. It was a surprise.

The president!

The president has disappeared.

- Where's the president? - Here. No.

- The president. - He's here. Well, he was.

The president has disappeared!

The president has been kidnapped!

The surprise scared him. He went for a stroll.

He's not here. He's playing a joke on us.

- I'll call the police. - Quick.

Where is he?

Where is he?

President! He's not here.

What's the matter?

President! Where's the president?

Have you never seen me before?

Mr President? He's not here.

Let me through.

- What's that on your face? - Shut up!

Have you seen a very big chap,

a leader of men?

I only know one big chap here. That's me.

Listen, Marcel...

No. It's not nice.

It's not nice. You're not nice.

Septime's. Yes, the restaurant.

Thank you.

I've called the police. They'll be here in a few minutes.

- Mr Septime, did you find him? - Sit down.

I've just seen him. He's coming. It was nothing. Sit down.

Music!

Clear off!

- Did you really see him? - He's here, he's coming!

He isn't here? He'll be here in two minutes.

What's happened?

What's that on your face?

Nothing. We'll find him.

Everything's OK.

Don't tell the police, or my restaurant has had it.

But we'll find him. Everything's fine.

Who? I don't know. Everything's fine.

Everything's fine.

Yes. "Everything's fine."

HEAD OF STATE KIDNAPPED

It just keeps getting better.

A head of state kidnapped from your restaurant.

The honour of France at stake.

Diplomatic complications in the pipeline.

All we're missing is a declaration of war.

No need to tell the police!

- I lost my head. - Did you get it back?

- Your head! - Yes. It's here.

Well, get this into it.

A president has disappeared from your restaurant.

He must be found.

Did he disappear from your restaurant or not?

- You're the prime suspect. - What would I do with a president?

A chef would be more useful.

- You think that's funny? - No, Commissioner.

Me neither.

An abduction like that wasn't improvised.

The terrorists had people on the inside.

- Where? - In your hole!

I won't have you saying...

- You're sure of your staff? - As of myself.

Yes. Let's talk about you.

You're a bachelor, aren't you?

At your age?

Built like you are? Oh, yes!

Is that normal?

Tell me about your relationships. You see what I mean?

My relationships are with the Parisian elite...

Do you take me for a fool?

Tell me. It won't leave here. Nor will you, if you lie.

My entire life is my restaurant...

Don't tell me your recipe for happiness is limited

to gooseberry charlotte and goose canapé!

Look, Commissioner, I'll come clean.

- At 16, entering the kitchen... - Was like taking the cloth.

That's right.

But I warn you, Father,

if you don't want us to close your monastery...

Oh, yes I can!

- Show me your good faith. - How?

By collaborating closely with my department.

My God!

Certain compatriots of President Novales,

soldiers opposed to his regime,

left the country when he came to power.

We have the description of some of the terrorists hiding in France

in secret organisations.

The foreign desk gave us this.

Come and see.

Do any of these faces look like your customers?

No, Commissioner. We don't serve that kind.

What got into you? Did you get the wrong date?

You were meant to kidnap him at the weekend at the airport.

Where have you put him?

Well?

- We've kidnapped nobody. - Nobody.

What? Nobody?

- We were awaiting orders. - We read about it in the press.

Then who has kidnapped him?

Who?

Another secret organisation.

Who, then? Ah, the traitors! They'll pay for this.

We have to catch them first.

There's only one way. Go back to the source.

The restaurant.

Indeed.

Meanwhile, watch Septime all day.

We'll meet there this evening.

Don't lose him. He's being questioned now.

Leave immediately. Go, General.

Yes, sir, Captain.

I'll give you these photos.

If one of these terrorists shows up, call me immediately.

But if I'm being watched and I can't talk freely...

- My telephone... - Yes. I understand.

- We're here and... - Yes!

You sneeze.

Sneeze three times. I'll understand and I'll come.

I hope I won't have to show you my speciality.

What speciality?

Take a plump suspect.

Surround him with four fat inspectors.

Marinate for 48 hours in a steamer.

That'll loosen even the most reluctant of tongues.

- Understand? - Yes, Commissioner.

Go to it.

There he is!

Leave me alone. I've nothing to say.

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone!

Let's go.

Police, terrorists! What next?

- Hello, Mr Septime. - What's going on?

- You don't seem happy. - Oh, yes. I'm thrilled.

Thrilled. He's thrilled!

When the people's benefactor is among torturers!

- You'll have to make amends. - Amends for what?

Our president was kidnapped in your restaurant, right?

Back home, that's enough to have you shot.

Try your luck. Who needs a ticket?

Look.

Don't try that again. Listen.

You're going to help me lure the wolves out of their lair.

You'll provoke them by telling the papers you saw them.

- It's not true! - The terrorists will think it's true.

- They'll try to kill me. - But they'll show themselves.

We catch them and shoot them.

Before they kill you.

What if they kill me first?

Choose: them later or me right now.

Murderer!

Mind the car!

That takes the biscuit!

Well? What have you decided?

Let's talk somewhere more peaceful.

- Where? - I don't know.

Come for dinner one night.

No. Not one night. Tonight!

Wait.

OK? Everything all right?

- All right? - Fine, thank you.

Mademoiselle, monsieur, this way.

- Have you chosen? - I've chosen a good table.

Have you had time to think about me?

Look... I haven't stopped.

Seriously. Have you thought about my proposal?

We can talk after the rush.

It'd be better for you before the rush.

Mr Septime, there's no more crayfish.

- What do we do? - We must sneeze.

One!

Two!

- Three! Get it? - Bravo. We're on our way.

Be quick!

I'll be right there. Just a second.

There. I sneezed.

The police are coming. They're like rats in a trap.

Look.

Calm down.

I've planned it all. Leave it to me. I'll keep them here.

- I'm all yours. - The chef is so angry!

- Why? - He wants to come here.

Let him stay there. I'll go to him.

Come along! I've things to do here.

What would you like? Oh, sorry...

Sit down here.

Good resemblance.

Good photograph.

- Aficionado! - I don't understand Spanish.

You understand it perfectly.

- Yes. You're right. - Let's chat.

You can invite us to drink your best champagne.

Mr Septime is treating us to his best champagne.

That's not possible! Is it?

I don't understand. What are you saying?

...the police...

Are you taking the mickey?

...whether it's dry or sweet.

His best champagne!

- I'll help him. - Sit down.

- That's the firemen. - No.

It is, it's the firemen.

Firemen go B-A, B-A. The police go D-A, D-A.

- That's B-A, B-A. - That's D-A, D-A.

- That's B-A, B-A, B-A. - No, it's...

The police are coming. We must leave.

Leave? And the champagne?

- At the house. - The bill.

The bill's for you.

Well?

I get it. Well? Where are they?

Behind.

No one's there.

Where are they? I'll rip their eyes out!

- You let them go, you imbecile! - Take the hysterical woman away.

You're addressing the president's secretary.

Forgive me, mademoiselle. My respects.

- Run after them. - Whom?

- Didn't the owner of this dive say? - Please!

The terrorists!

- Where are they? - Far away. I told you 15 times.

I sneezed five times. You didn't get it at all!

I didn't get it?

Insulting a representative of authority while on duty.

You'll spend the night in a cell.

- Take him away! - I won't tolerate it!

I order you to let me go. Let me go, damn it!

In a black maria? How shameful!

I'll complain to the minister tomorrow morning!

Wait for me. I'll be right back.

Leave us.

Well? I hope a night's meditation was profitable.

I'll be magnanimous. You're free.

- Good. - Your car is here.

- Everything's fine? - Everything's fine.

Now the terrorists will be looking to kill you.

- What? - You're under our protection.

Is that understood?

We start the operation again. You've no choice.

It's your last chance.

What do I do?

Goodbye, Commissioner...

There he is!

Hello, Septime.

Don't turn around. Carry straight on.

You're going to obey me.

We're going for a little spin.

I want to talk, but I need somewhere more peaceful.

We'll carry on this chat later. Head for the Saint-Cloud Park.

- Got that? - Saint-Cloud Park.

And be very careful.

Remember your life is at stake.

POLICE HEADQUARTERS

No, no, no!

Keep moving. Look where you are!

Come here.

Come here!

Don't look suspicious. Look into the air.

There's a terrorist hiding in my back seat.

Underneath... I don't know, but look.

No, no. Discreetly.

Is he there, then?

Lucky I'm in a good mood. Go on, move along!

I tell you, he's hiding there. He wants to kill me.

He's a killer. He wants to kill me.

Look. You can see there's nobody there.

He's gone. Or he's in the trunk.

In the trunk? Let's check the trunk.

- Come on. - Be careful.

Are you armed? He's dangerous.

It'll be fine. Don't worry.

He's gone. Oh, there's nobody there.

- But he talked to me. - He won't talk now.

He can't have gone far. Isn't he underneath?

- He talked to me. - Go home and sleep.

- Is he underneath? - Move along. He won't talk now.

He's not behind? Thank you.

That's right. Go on.

- Septime. - I don't believe it!

That wasn't very sensible. You are most unwise.

You'd better not try again.

Carry on without turning round. Saint-Cloud, I said.

It's a peaceful spot where I can address your conscience.

Now get out, Septime.

Come and sit in the back with me. We can have a little chat.

Sit down!

No. I'm not the invisible man.

Search, Septime.

I'm behind you.

Pick up the paper.

There I am.

And now you can listen to me.

I didn't set up this business

to tell you Aunt Lucie's latest recipe.

You'll be eliminated forthwith

if you don't carry out my orders carefully.

They are simple.

You ask for an audience with the minister.

The commissioner you've just seen will help.

And then

I'll say: Yes, Minister, gentlemen,

we are holding President Novales.

We didn't kidnap him for political ends.

We are an independent group unaffiliated to parties,

which wants to live free of dishonest compromise.

We have decided this:

if the sum of 200 million in treasury bonds

doesn't reach us within three days through Mr Septime,

not only will he be shot dead,

but President Novales will face a firing squad

with all the honours due to his rank.

Imagine the international repercussions for France

if you abandon your guest to such a tragic fate.

Mr Septime, the ransom carrier, will receive our instructions.

An itinerary will be communicated to him as he progresses.

Our next broadcast will be tomorrow morning.

Resume listening at 11 o'clock.

What can we do? We can't get out of it.

Indeed, Minister.

If the president were executed, we'd look silly.

What about me, Minister?

Yes, you, of course. But him!

All I can do is raise the money,

and you must prove yourself worthy of our trust.

Come, my good friend.

Don't worry. It'll all be fine. You'll see.

Yes, I'll see.

Try to think of something else.

I'll call you tomorrow to hand over the money.

Will I have to sneeze?

I don't see why. And sleep.

I want a fighting-fit Septime.

Good night, Commissioner.

It's all going very well. Wonderfully.

Your machinations are Machiavellian.

It's progress in the service of old principles.

Bait. Always bait the hook. Like in fishing.

Imagine the terrorists who kidnapped the president

when they hear that others are trying to pocket 200 million.

They'll show themselves.

They'll follow brave Septime and we'll pick them up.

200 million on the loose! You could have said 50.

It wouldn't have sounded serious, Minister.

Do we start the operation from here?

No, dear chap. From your office.

It's your idea, not mine.

Tomorrow I'll have the treasury bonds. I'll bring them.

Thank you most kindly, Minister.

There, my dear Septime.

You'll drop the ransom where they tell you and then call me.

If I can. I mean, I hope so.

Come on, buck up!

All you have to do is your duty.

We'll do ours.

Don't have me followed! Did you hear?

They won't hesitate to execute me, and the president too.

They'll execute the president. I'll be executed, anyway.

- Septime... - Yes.

Look at me.

Is my word enough or not?

Yes.

The eyes of France are upon you.

And if you accomplish your mission,

it will show its gratitude.

- The same? - I promise.

The same colour?

Yes.

Bon voyage, Septime.

Go on.

Well?

The satellite is in orbit. All we have to do is guide it.

- What if it fails? - No danger.

Septime knows well enough

you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.

A 200-million omelette à la Septime, quite a feast!

- We're watching his every move. - I find that very bold.

- If I may... - Please.

There he is. You'll see.

11 o'clock. Demonstration.

Hello, Septime?

Go to the newspaper kiosk.

We'll have him go around it.

Stop! Walk around the kiosk.

Faster.

Faster than that!

Stop! Straight ahead now.

Stop!

Go to your car.

Septime! I said go to your car.

Are you getting in your car or not?

Do so, and wait for my instructions.

Rest and recover your strength. You're going on a long trip.

There. Excuse me, Minister.

- Promising. - Just breaking it in.

It'll be fine, you'll see.

I have to call the radio and the press.

"The heroic Frenchman will be the last-chance messenger..."

The scum! Daring to demand a ransom!

Old traditions are dying, sir.

Men don't risk their lives for honour.

But that's the kind of men we are.

We must intercept the ransom for our noble cause.

It won't fall into corrupt hands.

We must be cautious. This Septime will be watched.

First, we'll start by following him.

But the first chance we get...

Septime!

After the tunnel, head towards the pass. Out.

There he is!

Go on.

Go straight on for now.

Don't forget we're still here.

They'll soon be after him, and we'll get to the president.

One has to wait in the shadows to see clearly.

Your idea is excellent. You surprised us. Eh, Henri?

This way, we'll be ahead of him.

To follow well, one must precede.

- And we know where he's going. - So we won't lose him.

Let's hit the road.

Are we going to dawdle around like this for long?

We keep watch and see where he leads us.

Oh, there's snow now. Snow!

We have a nibble.

What do our customers look like?

A convertible.

Followed by an American car.

Heading the procession is our friend Septime...

...closely followed by a ravishing blonde.

Charming!

Followed by the very full limousine. It's working.

Go on.

Hello, Septime?

In three minutes, you'll reach Black Rock Pass.

After the pass, go through the village

and turn right towards Val d'Isère.

I repeat: after the pass, towards Val d'Isère.

Val d'Isère, Hotel de la Poste, two stars,

frogs' legs à la savoyarde, saddle of lamb in pepper sauce.

Let's move on to the next stage.

Good day. Everything's ready. This way.

Perfect.

The garage is at the rear.

Take him in hand, but don't scare our brave Septime.

Hello, Septime, do you read?

Don't forget you're carrying all our hopes.

- Careful, the road is slippery. - Yes. Thank you.

If you skid, don't ever brake.

Accelerate into the skid.

That's right.

Into it?

The stop sign!

Let's go.

Oh, the fools! They'll spoil everything.

Always getting in the way.

That wasn't meant to happen.

If they catch him, we've had it.

Police motorbikes! What do they want?

Call him. Tell him to step on it.

If you're caught, you'll be executed.

Quick, hurry. Don't wait.

Go now!

They've lost ground. It's OK.

This Mr Septime is very good.

I've lost them.

There they are! I've had it.

"If you skid"... What did he tell me?

"If you skid, brake in the opposite direction"...

I don't remember.

Lock the...

They're getting closer.

I've had it.

I've had it!

Well, well. Let's go down for a look.

Here's our first customer.

See, my idea works pretty well!

We'll see if she's after Septime. Get him to speed up.

Faster, Septime. Faster!

"Faster!" It's easy to say over a microphone.

Go!

I can't. I can't!

- Faster, Septime. - I can't.

- Faster, Septime. - I can't.

- Faster, Septime. - I can't!

She doesn't like cops. She must be in on it.

Here are our family friends again.

Like a procession. Better and better.

This is tricky. Accelerate!

Oh, damn!

I lost them this time. Now we're home and dry.

What's that?

A car! Quick! Quick!

I can't. I've had enough...

Come on!

Quick. Hurry! Go on!

There are the others.

Don't let them out of our sight.

I saved your life.

- The police couldn't catch you. - Why?

The others would have executed the president, and you'd be dead.

- So I saved your life. - Thank you.

Put your seat belt on.

Watch out!

Faster!

There they are.

We won't lose them now.

Come on!

- We're being followed! - By whom?

Who cares? Faster!

Come on, faster!

Top speed.

Come on!

They must stop. Shoot the tyres!

Traitors! I'll have them shot!

They're the ones shooting at the moment.

We'll get them in the valley. Go!

I think we've got them.

This is a better road.

- We've given them the slip. - You think?

Don't move.

Ah, Commissioner.

What a nice surprise to see you here!

Is it over? Is it over?

- Is it over? - Yes. If you come with me...

Yes, Commissioner. I've had enough...

If you didn't kidnap him why did you want the ransom?

- So the others wouldn't get it. - Which others?

The ones who kidnapped him.

I don't know where the president is. I didn't kidnap him.

It wasn't me. That's all.

- He's tough! - What can we do?

Take him by the finger and turn like that.

Give him to me! I'll do it.

No! Not her! No!

Do you want to find the president?

In our country certain methods are not permitted by law.

What was the point of having a revolution?

Commissioner...

Can I have a word?

It's getting late.

Are you tired?

I want to go.

Can I take my coat?

Will you see me out?

- You're going at such a time? - I'm rather tired.

You won't see your restaurant tonight... your president.

The people's hero's life is at stake, and you think of your bistro!

It takes all sorts: heroes and bistros.

Greasy-spoon owner!

I definitely prefer Scandinavians.

She called me a greasy-spoon owner!

It didn't go that badly.

- I'm happy to have contributed... - I renew my compliments.

- Thank you, Commissioner. - You first.

Talking of compliments...

You're going to have a word with the minister.

- Oh! The...? - That's right.

I'll bear it in mind. What am I saying? We will.

We'll talk about it over dinner at your place.

To mark the occasion,

I'll do stuffed lamb's trotters à la Septime!

I guarantee he'll talk, and fast!

Gentlemen!

Gentlemen, I salute you.

Gentlemen, I salute you.

Now to Septime's! "Very good, monsieur."

"Here we are, monsieur." "Thank you, Emile."

"Hello, your Ladyship. Hello, Minister."

Hello, Mr Septime.

"Hello, your Ladyship. Hello, Minister."

Hello, Mr Septime.

Who's this?

- We're going to take a little trip. - Not again.

In a plane. Yes, in a plane.

That's enough!

Follow my instructions. Straight ahead.

Turn left at the end of the avenue.

Oh, not again!

- Not again, surely? - Go on!

I've had enough. Enough!

You're wasting your time, believe me.

This case is closed.

Not quite.

What do you mean? I don't understand.

You'll understand... soon.

Don't be afraid. There's no danger.

It'll all be fine, you'll see.

I'll see, I'll see...

Monsieur...

Mr President!

Mr Septime! Glad to see you again.

Me too! You've not been mistreated?

I've never been so happy in my life.

I'm finally free!

I'm free!

But you are a prisoner?

- Only of myself. - I don't understand.

I must confess everything.

- No one kidnapped me. - What?

- I kidnapped myself. - What?

Yes. All on my own.

I organised my escape to my retreat here.

- It started at your restaurant. - I know.

Forgive me. I couldn't bear it. I had to escape.

You can't imagine a statesman's life.

Official chores, protocol, hypocrisy...

I'd had enough.

You didn't think of the trouble you'd cause me?

I needed space, fresh air,

freedom, fishing, bird song.

I've discovered nature.

And France! France is beautiful!

Yes, it's very pretty, but this isn't serious.

You should have thought before taking power.

When you take power, you have to keep it.

- If I'd known! - It's too late now.

I run a restaurant. I can't just desert.

Who said that was my intention?

This man was the pyramid.

He was the pyramid?

He's a real friend.

What about this woman who loves you, your secretary?

- She's yours. - I don't want her.

- Me neither. - What?

You can get sick of everything. Even earthquakes.

It needs sorting out. You can take her...

- Sit down. - Thank you.

My holidays are over.

I owe you the finest days of my life.

- I can't say the same. - That's why you're here.

I decided to right the wrongs I've done you.

- What? - I'll make you a hero.

A hero!

THANKS TO HEROIC MR SEPTIME, MISSING HEAD OF STATE IS FOUND

AND ESCAPES FROM HIS KIDNAPPERS

The president has disappeared!

- What have you done? - I don't know!

Not the pyramid again!

Find him or I'll throw you in jail!

What have you done...

Music, quick!

- I'd like to know... - The anthem!

No, no, no.

No.

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