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1
00:00:05,508 --> 00:00:06,908
Knock, knock.
2
00:00:06,914 --> 00:00:08,507
Hey, brought ya breakfast in bed.
3
00:00:08,513 --> 00:00:10,216
- Oh, thank you.
- [door closes]
4
00:00:10,222 --> 00:00:12,717
You know I didn't get much sleep
last night, so I'm feeling a little...
5
00:00:12,722 --> 00:00:13,961
punchy.
6
00:00:15,184 --> 00:00:19,107
Interesting, I'm feeling
a little punchy myself.
7
00:00:19,247 --> 00:00:20,462
Are ya?
8
00:00:20,468 --> 00:00:22,477
Yeah, I are.
9
00:00:22,972 --> 00:00:27,164
So, uh, what would one do
if they're feelin' punchy?
10
00:00:27,566 --> 00:00:31,937
Well, I would imagine if
he or she had a punch card,
11
00:00:31,943 --> 00:00:34,342
one might use it. Shwah!
12
00:00:34,849 --> 00:00:36,269
"Shwah," indeed.
13
00:00:36,842 --> 00:00:38,468
To be honest, I didn't want breakfast.
14
00:00:38,474 --> 00:00:40,471
Oh, to be honest, I didn't make any.
15
00:00:43,742 --> 00:00:46,742
[theme music playing]
16
00:00:49,037 --> 00:00:51,229
She's in the spotlight
17
00:00:51,235 --> 00:00:52,892
And she turned my head
18
00:00:52,898 --> 00:00:54,922
She'd run a red light
19
00:00:54,928 --> 00:00:56,703
'Cause she's bad like that
20
00:00:56,709 --> 00:01:00,455
I like that ooh, baby,
ooh, baby, baby
21
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:03,842
-
I like that ooh, baby ooh, baby
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com
22
00:01:03,848 --> 00:01:05,055
[door opens]
23
00:01:05,344 --> 00:01:07,167
Did Josh come down yet?
24
00:01:07,173 --> 00:01:10,057
I hate being late.
Gives me panic sweats.
25
00:01:10,063 --> 00:01:12,256
How's that different
from your on-time sweats?
26
00:01:15,230 --> 00:01:17,903
What are you doing? Those
are Josh's underpants!
27
00:01:18,006 --> 00:01:19,206
I know.
28
00:01:20,402 --> 00:01:22,115
Give me those, fool.
29
00:01:22,910 --> 00:01:25,048
And where the hell is the coffee?
30
00:01:25,147 --> 00:01:27,636
You bitches don't do
anything around here.
31
00:01:27,642 --> 00:01:30,730
That's not true. Gabi's
doing Josh right now.
32
00:01:31,409 --> 00:01:34,114
Ugh, that stupid punch card.
33
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:38,711
It's so gross that Gabi has that
disgusting sexual arrangement with Josh.
34
00:01:38,717 --> 00:01:40,537
You're just jealous.
35
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:43,324
No! It's not like...
36
00:01:43,330 --> 00:01:45,827
everything I've ever wanted.
37
00:01:47,443 --> 00:01:49,686
How many punches do they have anyway?
38
00:01:49,754 --> 00:01:51,959
- Ten.
- [crash]
39
00:01:53,149 --> 00:01:54,693
Make that nine.
40
00:01:56,044 --> 00:01:57,436
That was great!
41
00:01:58,213 --> 00:01:59,821
So great.
42
00:02:00,928 --> 00:02:03,422
I mean, this punch
card thing is the best.
43
00:02:03,428 --> 00:02:05,354
Yeah, it's amazing.
44
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:07,143
We're having sex without feelings.
45
00:02:07,149 --> 00:02:10,557
I mean, I had feelings
in my parts, but...
46
00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:12,548
not in my hearts.
47
00:02:13,446 --> 00:02:14,953
I gotta be honest with you, Gabi.
48
00:02:14,959 --> 00:02:18,512
I did not think you could handle
an all sex non-emotional liaison.
49
00:02:18,628 --> 00:02:21,301
That's funny, because I thought
the same thing about you.
50
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,817
Without the big word at the end.
51
00:02:24,214 --> 00:02:25,426
Ooh.
52
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,942
We almost forgot somethin'.
53
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:29,848
Oh, no, no. I don't do that.
54
00:02:31,033 --> 00:02:34,048
N... no. Gabi, I'm talking about this.
55
00:02:37,119 --> 00:02:39,326
I don't know what that is,
but I don't do that either.
56
00:02:40,736 --> 00:02:43,316
Gabi, it's a hole-puncher
for our punch cards.
57
00:02:43,322 --> 00:02:46,643
Aw. It's our first punch out of ten.
58
00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:48,846
Man, I can't believe
we already used one up.
59
00:02:48,852 --> 00:02:50,057
Yeah.
60
00:02:50,346 --> 00:02:51,574
We only got nine left.
61
00:02:51,580 --> 00:02:54,630
Yeah. I've got five and you've got four.
62
00:02:55,952 --> 00:02:58,034
Why do I have to use the first punch?
63
00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,640
You know what? I'm cool with it.
64
00:03:01,343 --> 00:03:03,142
Age before beauty.
65
00:03:04,244 --> 00:03:07,345
Well, and to be fair, I
will use the next punch.
66
00:03:07,351 --> 00:03:08,635
How's now?
67
00:03:08,641 --> 00:03:11,244
Maybe this time, beauty can come first.
68
00:03:21,196 --> 00:03:22,687
Oh, my God! Stop!
69
00:03:22,693 --> 00:03:24,916
No, I can't. I'm starving.
70
00:03:26,348 --> 00:03:28,536
I'm having lots of sex now.
71
00:03:29,153 --> 00:03:33,053
No, no. I, uh... I need your leftovers
to bring into work for Kendrick.
72
00:03:33,059 --> 00:03:34,830
Ugh! Oh, my God, are
you still after him?
73
00:03:34,836 --> 00:03:38,129
Yes. And your food is the reason
we have lunch together every day.
74
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:39,412
He loves your cooking.
75
00:03:39,541 --> 00:03:41,346
Which he actually thinks is my cooking,
76
00:03:41,352 --> 00:03:44,221
so in a way, he loves me.
77
00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:48,894
Mm, yeah. You know, ah, what
else he loves? His girlfriend.
78
00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:50,868
Yeah, now.
79
00:03:51,393 --> 00:03:53,760
But I have a plan to
be his new girlfriend.
80
00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:55,760
Okay, look, it all
centers around our lunches.
81
00:03:55,766 --> 00:03:59,078
First, I establish
myself as a confidant.
82
00:03:59,133 --> 00:04:02,743
Then, I subliminally
undermine his relationship.
83
00:04:02,979 --> 00:04:04,626
And then finally,
84
00:04:04,632 --> 00:04:06,901
when my abuelita's hex starts working...
85
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,275
his relationship will
burn to the ground.
86
00:04:10,296 --> 00:04:14,810
And I will be there to rise
like a phoenix from the ashes.
87
00:04:16,373 --> 00:04:18,593
As his new girlfriend.
88
00:04:20,989 --> 00:04:24,430
Wow, not having sex for a long
time makes you a little crazy.
89
00:04:25,394 --> 00:04:28,306
Yeah, well, having sex for a
day makes you a little judgy.
90
00:04:28,312 --> 00:04:31,616
[scoffs] All I'm saying is
what Josh and I have is working.
91
00:04:31,622 --> 00:04:33,009
Okay? We're getting along great.
92
00:04:33,015 --> 00:04:35,921
We're having sex without all
the neediness and the drama.
93
00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:38,712
And the caring and the
trust and the intimacy.
94
00:04:38,718 --> 00:04:41,766
Yeah, exactly. All that crap that
made us a really horrible couple.
95
00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:44,579
Gabi, I know you better than anyone,
96
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:47,376
and you can not handle a
purely sexual relationship.
97
00:04:47,382 --> 00:04:49,338
It's just a matter of time
before things get weird.
98
00:04:49,343 --> 00:04:51,960
It's not gonna get weird,
okay? Get with the times, Sofia.
99
00:04:51,966 --> 00:04:54,070
Boyfriends are out, punch cards are in.
100
00:04:56,178 --> 00:04:58,962
That is the stupidest
thing I have ever heard.
101
00:04:58,968 --> 00:05:00,862
Now cook me something
that I can pretend is mine
102
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,261
so Kendrick falls in love with me.
103
00:05:10,013 --> 00:05:11,224
What are you doin'?
104
00:05:11,537 --> 00:05:14,207
All the scratching in the world
won't get rid of that second chin.
105
00:05:16,111 --> 00:05:19,414
I'm on WebMD trying to figure
out what's wrong with my face.
106
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,915
Oh, well, maybe you
just allergic to ugly.
107
00:05:23,813 --> 00:05:25,714
It says the itch could be anything.
108
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,307
From using a new shaving cream to...
109
00:05:28,313 --> 00:05:30,424
Wait, what's this?
110
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:33,447
Oh, that's the new
detergent I'm using. Tude.
111
00:05:34,927 --> 00:05:37,451
"The burning is how
you know it's working."
112
00:05:38,021 --> 00:05:40,741
What the hell kind of detergent is this?
113
00:05:40,747 --> 00:05:41,981
Cheap.
114
00:05:42,192 --> 00:05:44,293
I got it in the discount aisle.
115
00:05:46,059 --> 00:05:49,067
Wait. Did you wash
Josh's underwear in that?
116
00:05:49,372 --> 00:05:52,655
Yep. I followed the instructions.
117
00:05:52,661 --> 00:05:54,873
I added a scoop to the water...
118
00:05:54,879 --> 00:05:56,567
waited till the smoke cleared...
119
00:05:57,185 --> 00:05:58,842
and then I added the laundry.
120
00:05:58,848 --> 00:06:02,467
I wiped my face with his
boxers. That's why I have a rash.
121
00:06:02,473 --> 00:06:05,237
What the hell are you doing
shopping in the discount aisle?
122
00:06:05,243 --> 00:06:06,829
Josh is loaded.
123
00:06:07,125 --> 00:06:08,953
What's your angle?
124
00:06:10,125 --> 00:06:12,133
No angle.
125
00:06:12,524 --> 00:06:15,438
Every month, Josh gives
me a cleaning budget.
126
00:06:15,444 --> 00:06:17,850
Which I manage properly.
127
00:06:18,940 --> 00:06:21,323
So you buy cheap products
and then pocket the rest?
128
00:06:21,329 --> 00:06:22,529
Damn it!
129
00:06:22,624 --> 00:06:23,824
[chuckles]
130
00:06:23,830 --> 00:06:25,922
Don't worry. I won't tell him.
131
00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:27,754
If you cut me in for half.
132
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,177
Damn it!
133
00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:33,568
I can't believe I'm being blackmailed
by somebody who's not black!
134
00:06:34,486 --> 00:06:35,998
And barely a male.
135
00:06:38,036 --> 00:06:40,326
Okay, you're in.
136
00:06:40,332 --> 00:06:41,743
Yay!
137
00:06:42,230 --> 00:06:45,835
Now I can buy that Japanese
toilet I've had my eye on.
138
00:06:45,841 --> 00:06:48,213
I've heard it has three bidet settings:
139
00:06:48,219 --> 00:06:50,899
gentle, strong, and Fire Island.
140
00:06:53,041 --> 00:06:55,048
Uh... hey, guys...
141
00:06:55,205 --> 00:06:57,705
anyone else feel a little itchy?
142
00:06:57,711 --> 00:06:59,304
- Oh, no.
- No.
143
00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:02,914
Why would we feel itchy? I
buy top-of-the-line detergent.
144
00:07:03,906 --> 00:07:06,619
I'm gonna go call my concierge
doctor and see what he thinks it is.
145
00:07:06,625 --> 00:07:08,463
Great idea, boss!
146
00:07:09,201 --> 00:07:12,118
What if the doctor tells him his
itch is from a cheap detergent?
147
00:07:12,124 --> 00:07:14,398
Crap! If we're gonna
keep this scam goin',
148
00:07:14,404 --> 00:07:17,228
we've got to rewash
all of Josh's things.
149
00:07:17,234 --> 00:07:19,725
Quick! Go upstairs and
get all of his underwear!
150
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:23,141
Best day ever!
151
00:07:25,313 --> 00:07:29,617
Mm-hm. And the itching just
presented itself this afternoon?
152
00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:31,020
Yep.
153
00:07:31,531 --> 00:07:32,823
A lot of it.
154
00:07:33,031 --> 00:07:34,400
On...
155
00:07:34,406 --> 00:07:35,923
[whispers] my junk.
156
00:07:37,211 --> 00:07:39,814
Well, it could be many things.
157
00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:42,220
Dermatitis, an allergy...
158
00:07:42,609 --> 00:07:45,284
Do you have any new sexual partners?
159
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,291
[laughs]
160
00:07:47,297 --> 00:07:49,887
Actually, doc, um...
161
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:52,289
I have a little thing going on with a...
162
00:07:52,295 --> 00:07:54,263
Wait. Why?
163
00:07:55,270 --> 00:07:57,172
Before we jump to any conclusions,
164
00:07:57,179 --> 00:08:00,555
why don't you take a few pictures of
the affected area and email them to me.
165
00:08:00,561 --> 00:08:04,221
Hopefully they won't
end up in my junk box.
166
00:08:04,503 --> 00:08:05,819
[laughs]
167
00:08:10,230 --> 00:08:13,906
(Sofia) Hey, do you remember how
stupid you thought my stupid plan was?
168
00:08:13,912 --> 00:08:16,508
Talk louder, Sofia. You're
over by the grilled cheese.
169
00:08:17,092 --> 00:08:19,267
Well, my stupid plan worked. Okay?
170
00:08:19,273 --> 00:08:21,514
Because Kendrick got into a
huge fight with his girlfriend,
171
00:08:21,519 --> 00:08:24,689
so I invited him over for dinner
to be his shoulder to cry on.
172
00:08:24,695 --> 00:08:27,548
And he said yes. So, uh, if I'm lucky,
173
00:08:27,649 --> 00:08:30,046
maybe he'll cry on other
parts of my body, too.
174
00:08:30,972 --> 00:08:33,454
Ha! The power of my cooking.
175
00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:35,663
Now she's the leftovers.
176
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:39,059
So, ah, what famous
specialty of yours am I making
177
00:08:39,065 --> 00:08:41,690
for you and your maybe
future boyfriend tonight?
178
00:08:41,861 --> 00:08:45,003
Well, he says he likes
a good baba ghanoush.
179
00:08:45,714 --> 00:08:47,700
Can you make a baba ghanoush?
180
00:08:48,401 --> 00:08:51,291
Oh, I can make a baba
do anything. Ask Josh.
181
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,684
Um, I'm guessing you said, "Ask Josh"
because you want to tell me how great
182
00:08:55,690 --> 00:08:57,947
your sex punch card thing's going?
183
00:08:57,953 --> 00:09:00,750
Oh, well, since you asked, amazing.
184
00:09:00,756 --> 00:09:04,352
You were so wrong. It's not weird at
all, and it's never gonna get weird.
185
00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:19,819
Okay, it just got weird.
186
00:09:24,504 --> 00:09:26,222
So, he was just...
187
00:09:26,228 --> 00:09:28,707
rocking out with his... out?
188
00:09:29,753 --> 00:09:30,964
Yeah!
189
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:33,052
I mean, he was taking
pictures from every angle.
190
00:09:33,058 --> 00:09:35,364
I mean, from the front
and then from the back.
191
00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:38,659
And then through the legs and then
over the shoulder. And then... And then
192
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:42,595
he set it on his desk and he separated
things to show a panorama style.
193
00:09:42,898 --> 00:09:44,196
Ew!
194
00:09:44,202 --> 00:09:46,493
- He took a peni-Rama?
- Yeah!
195
00:09:47,094 --> 00:09:48,718
Why would he do that?
196
00:09:48,724 --> 00:09:50,820
Well, why do you think, Gabi?
197
00:09:50,826 --> 00:09:53,017
- To text it to you.
- Pfft, Josh? No!
198
00:09:53,023 --> 00:09:55,212
Yes. What do you expect, flowers?
199
00:09:55,218 --> 00:09:57,712
No, we're not dating.
200
00:09:57,718 --> 00:10:01,514
Exactly. So instead of getting
peonies, you're getting peo-nis.
201
00:10:02,615 --> 00:10:04,033
Oh, my God.
202
00:10:04,039 --> 00:10:05,743
What am I supposed to do
when he sends them to me?
203
00:10:05,748 --> 00:10:07,935
I mean, h... how am
I supposed to respond?
204
00:10:08,161 --> 00:10:10,467
- I miss landlines.
- Okay. Kendrick...
205
00:10:10,654 --> 00:10:13,141
Kendrick's on his way, so can
you just chop while you freak out?
206
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,828
Yeah, but how..,. how am I supposed to
feel? I mean, am I... am I turned on?
207
00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:19,046
Am I... am I turned off? I mean,
is it... is it sick? Is it sexy?
208
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,957
Gabi, if you have to
ask, it's not for you.
209
00:10:22,737 --> 00:10:25,361
Look, Gabi, you used to have
feelings for him so you can't just
210
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:27,863
suddenly start having sex
with him and not have feelings.
211
00:10:27,869 --> 00:10:30,900
I mean, maybe Josh can. Guys can
have sex and be totally cool with it.
212
00:10:30,906 --> 00:10:32,337
But you can't!
213
00:10:32,343 --> 00:10:34,523
- You don't have it in you, Gabi.
- Oh, yeah?
214
00:10:34,749 --> 00:10:38,218
I do, I've got it in me! I can send
penis pictures as good as the next guy.
215
00:10:38,224 --> 00:10:39,780
Oh, my God, Gabi. You have to stop...
216
00:10:39,786 --> 00:10:41,244
- Okay.
- [camera clicks]
217
00:10:42,590 --> 00:10:44,992
- And send to Josh. See?
- [whoosh]
218
00:10:44,998 --> 00:10:46,420
Totally cool with it. Hm.
219
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:48,827
What happened to your bra?
220
00:10:48,833 --> 00:10:50,225
I left it at work.
221
00:10:55,543 --> 00:10:58,255
Well, I got rid of the Tude.
222
00:10:58,738 --> 00:11:01,551
It's about time. What did you
do with the cheap detergent?
223
00:11:03,051 --> 00:11:05,808
Okay, listen. I was thinking about it,
224
00:11:05,814 --> 00:11:08,524
and if Josh mentions his itch again,
225
00:11:08,530 --> 00:11:11,709
- the key is to stay cool.
- Right.
226
00:11:11,715 --> 00:11:14,891
- Deny, deny, deny. Let's practice.
- Okay.
227
00:11:14,897 --> 00:11:17,809
- You sit down. I'll be Josh.
- Mm-hmm. Okay.
228
00:11:19,194 --> 00:11:21,928
- Oh, hey, Yolanda.
- I stole your money!
229
00:11:25,491 --> 00:11:28,997
What the hell was that? What
happened to black don't crack?
230
00:11:30,202 --> 00:11:31,624
I panicked.
231
00:11:31,726 --> 00:11:33,500
And I don't think it means that.
232
00:11:34,288 --> 00:11:35,494
Hey, guys.
233
00:11:35,617 --> 00:11:37,198
I talked to my doctor.
234
00:11:37,204 --> 00:11:41,601
Be cool, Yolanda. Take off that
butter face, put on your poker face.
235
00:11:42,475 --> 00:11:44,360
He told me what the itch could be from.
236
00:11:44,366 --> 00:11:46,164
Could be an allergy,
could be dermatitis,
237
00:11:46,170 --> 00:11:47,600
and there is a slight possibility
238
00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:49,892
but practically impossible
chance that it's an STD.
239
00:11:49,898 --> 00:11:52,193
- I pick STD.
- Yep, that's the one.
240
00:11:53,762 --> 00:11:55,874
But the only person I'm
having sex with is Gabi.
241
00:11:55,880 --> 00:12:00,299
Exactly. She's the only employee
in this house involved in your itch.
242
00:12:01,502 --> 00:12:03,597
Hold up, wait a second, Elliot.
243
00:12:03,603 --> 00:12:05,707
Josh, Gabi didn't give you an STD.
244
00:12:05,713 --> 00:12:06,925
Yes, she did.
245
00:12:06,931 --> 00:12:09,532
No punch card, no STD.
246
00:12:09,704 --> 00:12:13,322
Punch card, STD. Do the math, man.
247
00:12:14,626 --> 00:12:18,011
It's not from Gabi, 'cause she's
not sleeping with anybody else.
248
00:12:18,017 --> 00:12:20,119
And she's not like that.
She's sweet and innocent.
249
00:12:20,125 --> 00:12:22,226
- She's not some girl gone wild.
- [phone chimes]
250
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,374
Oh, my God. She's a girl gone wild.
251
00:12:28,772 --> 00:12:30,585
[gasps] Ew, boobies!
252
00:12:33,366 --> 00:12:36,149
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Josh,
Josh. This has gone far enough.
253
00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:39,836
Now, you need to know that all
of this is because of the Tude.
254
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,136
Oh, you got that right.
255
00:12:41,142 --> 00:12:43,662
She has a serious 'tude and she's
gonna hear about it right now.
256
00:12:44,146 --> 00:12:45,349
[door slams]
257
00:12:45,355 --> 00:12:49,168
All this trouble because of
one little box, ha, ha, ha...
258
00:12:49,984 --> 00:12:51,833
and the detergent.
259
00:13:01,254 --> 00:13:02,454
[Sofia sighs]
260
00:13:04,449 --> 00:13:07,045
[sighs]
261
00:13:07,051 --> 00:13:08,423
It just doesn't make any sense.
262
00:13:08,429 --> 00:13:11,016
You're right. Kendrick and I should
sit on opposite sides of the table
263
00:13:11,021 --> 00:13:13,929
- so that we can...
- I'm talking about Josh.
264
00:13:13,935 --> 00:13:17,444
Why hasn't he responded to my boobs pic?
I mean, you saw them, they look amazing.
265
00:13:17,450 --> 00:13:19,842
Gabi, Kendrick's gonna
be here in 20 minutes.
266
00:13:19,848 --> 00:13:22,139
And, uh, where is my penis picture?
267
00:13:22,145 --> 00:13:24,785
I mean, you told me that Josh
was gonna text me his penis pic.
268
00:13:24,791 --> 00:13:28,464
[gasps] Why hasn't he sent me his penis
pic? Why can't I stop saying penis?
269
00:13:29,557 --> 00:13:31,487
Sofia, wait, wait...
270
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:35,549
what if I haven't gotten it yet
because he texted it to another woman?
271
00:13:35,954 --> 00:13:38,992
Gabi, you have to stop and
finish the dinner I'm making.
272
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:40,884
[sighs]
273
00:13:40,890 --> 00:13:44,182
Sofia, how can I cook when Josh
is sleeping with someone else?
274
00:13:44,188 --> 00:13:46,524
[sighs] I told you this was
how it was all gonna go down.
275
00:13:46,530 --> 00:13:49,175
Yeah, which he is probably
doing to another woman right now.
276
00:13:49,181 --> 00:13:51,331
My God, look at you.
You're upset, you're hurt,
277
00:13:51,337 --> 00:13:53,041
you're jealous. What are
those things called again?
278
00:13:53,046 --> 00:13:56,126
- Oh, yeah, feelings.
- [scoffs] I'm not having any feelings.
279
00:13:56,132 --> 00:13:57,417
Okay? Wh-what do I care if
280
00:13:57,423 --> 00:14:01,103
Josh is sending penis pictures to
every girl in America except for me.
281
00:14:01,596 --> 00:14:02,796
Gabi,
282
00:14:02,802 --> 00:14:04,489
- you know how much I care about you.
- [knocking]
283
00:14:04,494 --> 00:14:05,891
Oh, my God. Kendrick's here.
284
00:14:09,906 --> 00:14:11,110
[Gabi and Josh gasp]
285
00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:12,799
(Both) You're sleeping
with someone else!
286
00:14:15,748 --> 00:14:17,944
Okay, this is what we're gonna do.
287
00:14:17,951 --> 00:14:20,132
I'm gonna give you two
minutes to solve this while...
288
00:14:20,138 --> 00:14:22,153
I go do some optimistic shaving.
289
00:14:23,701 --> 00:14:26,602
Where on earth would you get the idea
that I'm sleeping with someone else?
290
00:14:26,607 --> 00:14:29,294
Oh, let's just say a picture
paints a thousand words.
291
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:30,981
What do you mean, picture? What picture?
292
00:14:30,987 --> 00:14:34,088
Uh, I saw you in your
office taking some...
293
00:14:34,094 --> 00:14:35,977
lower selfies.
294
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,165
- Oh, my God, you saw...
- The panorama,
295
00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:41,360
the lift and separate? Oh, yeah, yeah.
296
00:14:41,477 --> 00:14:44,854
I saw 'em all, Josh. But I
didn't see them on my phone.
297
00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:46,697
Wanna know why? Because
you didn't send 'em to me,
298
00:14:46,702 --> 00:14:48,743
you sent 'em to someone
else! Who'd you send 'em to?
299
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,446
For your information,
300
00:14:50,452 --> 00:14:52,794
- I sent them to a doctor.
- [gasps]
301
00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:57,069
You're dating a doctor? What, so now
I'm not smart enough for you anymore?
302
00:14:57,927 --> 00:15:00,762
I'm not dating anybody. You're
the one seeing someone else.
303
00:15:00,768 --> 00:15:03,996
- What are you talking about?
- Aw, don't act so innocent.
304
00:15:04,002 --> 00:15:06,801
- I'm very smart. I know things.
- Oh, really? Yeah, name...
305
00:15:06,807 --> 00:15:08,478
name one thing you know.
306
00:15:08,484 --> 00:15:10,205
I know why my groin's so itchy.
307
00:15:12,594 --> 00:15:13,975
- What?
- Yeah.
308
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:17,377
I sent those photos to a doctor because
of the rash from the STD you gave me.
309
00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:19,182
- What?
- And now you know what?
310
00:15:19,188 --> 00:15:21,219
It serves me right
for having a punch card
311
00:15:21,225 --> 00:15:22,689
with someone young and irresponsible.
312
00:15:22,694 --> 00:15:25,105
You're sleeping with other people
while you're sleeping with me.
313
00:15:25,110 --> 00:15:26,701
You're what my mother
would call a hussy.
314
00:15:26,706 --> 00:15:28,200
[gasps] Oh, yeah?
315
00:15:28,206 --> 00:15:30,994
Well, you're what my father
would call a man-hussy.
316
00:15:31,202 --> 00:15:33,101
- A mussy.
- [gasps]
317
00:15:34,095 --> 00:15:38,043
[panting] She didn't sleep with
anyone else! It was the detergent.
318
00:15:38,049 --> 00:15:40,018
Great. So now, there's more people.
319
00:15:40,943 --> 00:15:43,344
Josh, your rash was my fault.
320
00:15:43,350 --> 00:15:46,440
I used a cheap brand of
detergent to wash your underpants.
321
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,469
Ask Elliot, he was itching too.
322
00:15:50,875 --> 00:15:52,766
You were wearing my underpants?
323
00:15:52,961 --> 00:15:56,588
No! I was just wiping my face with them.
324
00:15:57,838 --> 00:15:59,104
(Sofia) Okay.
325
00:16:00,565 --> 00:16:02,861
Don't you see what is happening here?
326
00:16:02,867 --> 00:16:04,559
Nobody was sleeping with anybody.
327
00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:06,755
Except for you two because
of that stupid punch card.
328
00:16:06,761 --> 00:16:08,668
Which as I predicted
didn't solve anything
329
00:16:08,674 --> 00:16:10,966
because you still have the
same issues you had without it.
330
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:12,512
No, we don't.
331
00:16:12,518 --> 00:16:14,568
Oh, okay, really? So,
you weren't jealous
332
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,941
when you thought Josh was
sending pictures to other women?
333
00:16:17,763 --> 00:16:19,083
I do not recall.
334
00:16:20,957 --> 00:16:23,855
And, ah, you weren't jealous
when you came barging in here
335
00:16:23,861 --> 00:16:25,653
accusing Gabi of sleeping around?
336
00:16:26,145 --> 00:16:27,345
I do not recall.
337
00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:30,942
Guys, just admit it. You're
not punch card people.
338
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:34,299
Okay? Now, I have a normal date
who's gonna be here any second,
339
00:16:34,305 --> 00:16:36,502
so if you guys don't leave, you
are not invited to our wedding.
340
00:16:36,507 --> 00:16:39,917
Which, I promise will be
spectacular and in Barcelona!
341
00:16:44,202 --> 00:16:46,514
She does kinda sorta have a point.
342
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,905
Yeah, I guess this is
starting to feel a little...
343
00:16:49,007 --> 00:16:50,609
boyfriendy-girlfriendy.
344
00:16:51,476 --> 00:16:52,681
What? So,
345
00:16:52,687 --> 00:16:55,466
- should we just stop this whole...
- Yeah, I think we should.
346
00:16:56,563 --> 00:16:58,492
- Well, it was fun while it lasted.
- Mmm.
347
00:16:58,498 --> 00:17:00,499
No. No, it wasn't.
348
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,467
Please leave.
349
00:17:03,263 --> 00:17:05,883
Wait... uh, Josh, I-I-I
need to tell you somethin'.
350
00:17:05,889 --> 00:17:07,631
The reason I was buying
cheap detergent...
351
00:17:07,637 --> 00:17:08,870
Yolanda, I know why.
352
00:17:08,876 --> 00:17:10,651
- You do?
- Yes.
353
00:17:10,657 --> 00:17:12,528
I'm obviously not giving you
enough money to shop with,
354
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:14,843
so why don't I just
double what I give you now?
355
00:17:18,053 --> 00:17:20,276
I think that would be for the best.
356
00:17:24,249 --> 00:17:27,244
Great. Now, not to
change the subject but...
357
00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:28,450
how do I look?
358
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,323
Like you have low self-esteem.
359
00:17:33,022 --> 00:17:34,624
Sofia Rodriguez?
360
00:17:34,630 --> 00:17:36,210
- Yes.
- These are for you.
361
00:17:36,216 --> 00:17:38,901
Thank you. Oh! They're from Kendrick.
362
00:17:38,907 --> 00:17:40,316
- Aw.
- [clears throat]
363
00:17:40,904 --> 00:17:43,029
"I got back with my girlfriend
364
00:17:43,035 --> 00:17:44,627
"so I can't make dinner.
365
00:17:44,633 --> 00:17:46,652
"But thanks for being
such a good listener."
366
00:17:46,658 --> 00:17:48,893
Aw.
367
00:17:49,226 --> 00:17:51,772
- Oh, my God.
- I'm sorry, Sofia.
368
00:17:51,778 --> 00:17:54,283
He sent me flowers!
369
00:18:07,724 --> 00:18:09,223
[sighs]
370
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:12,319
- [line trilling]
- [phone ringing]
371
00:18:13,317 --> 00:18:14,560
[phone ringing]
372
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,137
That's funny, I was just gonna call you.
373
00:18:18,143 --> 00:18:20,433
Oh, well, great minds think alike.
374
00:18:21,332 --> 00:18:24,447
So, um, here's what
my mind was thinking.
375
00:18:24,453 --> 00:18:26,920
It's not that we can't
handle a punch card,
376
00:18:26,926 --> 00:18:29,524
it's that the punch
card has a little flaw.
377
00:18:29,530 --> 00:18:31,233
We forgot about rules.
378
00:18:31,745 --> 00:18:32,945
Go on.
379
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:36,745
- So, we're obviously two cute people.
- Extremely.
380
00:18:37,356 --> 00:18:40,032
Who will eventually
date other cute people.
381
00:18:40,038 --> 00:18:41,238
I mean, why wouldn't we?
382
00:18:41,608 --> 00:18:43,334
Exactly, I mean, we're not a couple.
383
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:45,210
Not... a couple.
384
00:18:46,435 --> 00:18:48,316
So, we need a rule.
385
00:18:48,322 --> 00:18:49,639
I like rules.
386
00:18:50,224 --> 00:18:53,815
To prevent any jealous feelings, if I
start dating someone, I'll let you know.
387
00:18:53,821 --> 00:18:56,110
And if you start dating
someone, you let me know.
388
00:18:56,116 --> 00:18:58,843
And then we just, uh... we
put the punch card on hold.
389
00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:00,442
The tell and hold.
390
00:19:01,248 --> 00:19:04,068
That is a genius rule. How
did we not think of that?
391
00:19:04,074 --> 00:19:05,576
I don't know, cute people are dumb.
392
00:19:06,953 --> 00:19:08,189
So...
393
00:19:08,933 --> 00:19:10,729
- the punch card is back on?
- Mm-hmm.
394
00:19:10,735 --> 00:19:12,442
Back in business, baby.
395
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,232
As long as...
396
00:19:14,238 --> 00:19:17,041
- as long as there are no feelings.
- Nope. None here. You?
397
00:19:17,047 --> 00:19:19,009
Nope. Not a one.
398
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:22,019
I am so relieved.
399
00:19:22,133 --> 00:19:23,407
Me too.
400
00:19:24,041 --> 00:19:25,516
[chuckles]
401
00:19:26,134 --> 00:19:27,634
What? What's so funny?
402
00:19:28,914 --> 00:19:30,727
Have you seen "Raccoon with a Broom"?
403
00:19:30,733 --> 00:19:32,822
- No.
- All right, well...
404
00:19:33,334 --> 00:19:34,752
- [chimes]
- here it comes.
405
00:19:35,938 --> 00:19:38,223
[gasps] He's sweepin'.
406
00:19:39,453 --> 00:19:40,653
Oh!
407
00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:44,083
Ooh! Have you seen the
video of the baby hedgehog?
408
00:19:44,089 --> 00:19:46,107
No! [gasps] Let's watch it together.
409
00:19:46,113 --> 00:19:47,380
[tablet chimes]
410
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:50,487
You know, not being in a
relationship is awesome.
411
00:19:50,974 --> 00:19:52,764
Yeah, it's the best.
412
00:19:54,495 --> 00:19:57,587
Aw! The little hedgehog's
driving a little car.
413
00:19:57,774 --> 00:20:00,783
Aw, that's so cute. Look, he just
picked up his little mouse friend.
414
00:20:00,789 --> 00:20:02,270
(Josh) Do they remind you of anybody?
415
00:20:02,386 --> 00:20:04,541
- (Gabi) Elliot and Yolanda.
- (Josh) I mean!
416
00:20:14,175 --> 00:20:15,967
Those are boy jeans.
417
00:20:15,973 --> 00:20:17,305
Why do you have boy jeans?
418
00:20:17,589 --> 00:20:19,307
Oh, uh, they're Kendrick's.
419
00:20:19,313 --> 00:20:22,292
I accidentally spilled your leftovers
on them, so I offered to wash 'em.
420
00:20:22,298 --> 00:20:25,624
Oh, no. Uh, don't use that, that's
the stuff that gives you a rash.
421
00:20:25,630 --> 00:20:27,110
Is it? Oh.
422
00:20:27,116 --> 00:20:30,016
God, I would hate for him to think
his girlfriend gave him an STD.
423
00:20:30,022 --> 00:20:31,609
Mm. [gasps]
424
00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:37,206
You spilled those leftovers on purpose.
425
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:39,811
- Did I?
- [gasps]
426
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,711
Phoenix!
427
00:20:42,717 --> 00:20:47,717
Sync & Corrections by PetaG
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428
00:20:47,767 --> 00:20:52,317
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