Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,248 --> 00:00:04,100
(sing-songy) Good morning.
2
00:00:04,155 --> 00:00:06,203
No, great morning.
3
00:00:06,387 --> 00:00:09,558
Ooh! Look at you all cheery!
4
00:00:09,650 --> 00:00:11,302
Did you have whiskey in your coffee too?
5
00:00:11,664 --> 00:00:13,805
Uh, so do you remember
when Josh told me that
6
00:00:13,868 --> 00:00:16,044
I should start dating
again and I was really sad?
7
00:00:16,108 --> 00:00:18,481
Well, I'm not anymore.
You wanna know why?
8
00:00:18,550 --> 00:00:19,804
One moment.
9
00:00:21,596 --> 00:00:23,705
Ah. Okay, lay it on me.
10
00:00:23,767 --> 00:00:26,047
Well, because I'm back
on the market, Yolanda.
11
00:00:26,114 --> 00:00:27,565
I signed up for this new dating app
12
00:00:27,608 --> 00:00:29,810
called "What's Cookin'?"
for single foodies like me,
13
00:00:29,875 --> 00:00:31,956
and 48 guys already
sent me a hot pepper.
14
00:00:32,017 --> 00:00:33,306
Ooh!
15
00:00:33,683 --> 00:00:35,051
Show me the biggest one.
16
00:00:37,372 --> 00:00:40,778
No. Yolanda, a hot pepper is like
a wink, and I got tons of 'em.
17
00:00:40,877 --> 00:00:46,064
Oh, I get it. That's how you know
they wanna get jalape?o business.
18
00:00:47,575 --> 00:00:50,235
Exactly, and that's when I
realized enough about Josh.
19
00:00:50,313 --> 00:00:52,455
There are a million Joshes in the sea!
20
00:00:52,679 --> 00:00:53,879
See?
21
00:00:53,916 --> 00:00:55,800
Ooh, he's cute.
22
00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:59,162
His name's Conrad. He's six-one, he
has a successful clothing business,
23
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:01,651
and he's taking me to
a new tapas bar tonight.
24
00:01:01,721 --> 00:01:04,795
(gasps) A topless bar
on the first date?!
25
00:01:06,475 --> 00:01:08,582
No. Tapas.
26
00:01:08,645 --> 00:01:12,215
Conrad is looking for commitment, unlike
other people who live in this penthouse.
27
00:01:12,318 --> 00:01:14,029
(knocking, door opening)
28
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:18,645
Ladies, by midnight tonight,
we are all gonna be filthy rich!
29
00:01:19,962 --> 00:01:21,521
Uh-oh. What'd you do?
30
00:01:22,059 --> 00:01:23,671
Everyone at Soul Spin was talking about
31
00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,025
the Mega Ball Jackpot,
and the drawing's tonight,
32
00:01:26,093 --> 00:01:27,802
so I thought should
all go in on a ticket.
33
00:01:28,279 --> 00:01:29,740
Oh, I'm sorry, but according
34
00:01:29,784 --> 00:01:33,258
to my gamblers anonymous rules,
I'm not allowed to participate.
35
00:01:34,646 --> 00:01:36,608
Well, it's up to $500 million.
36
00:01:36,666 --> 00:01:38,470
Well, good thing it's anonymous!
37
00:01:39,688 --> 00:01:42,524
Are you doing the Mega Ball? I'm in.
38
00:01:43,117 --> 00:01:44,699
I'll take number three.
39
00:01:44,746 --> 00:01:47,441
That's how many months
before Alan and I go broke.
40
00:01:49,207 --> 00:01:52,741
They raised the rent on the
karaoke bar and he lost the lease.
41
00:01:52,843 --> 00:01:54,274
Oh, my God! What is he gonna do?
42
00:01:54,317 --> 00:01:56,950
- That's what I asked.
- Does he have any other skills?
43
00:01:57,027 --> 00:01:58,294
That??�s what I asked.
44
00:01:59,628 --> 00:02:01,714
Poor Alan. Is he okay?
45
00:02:02,666 --> 00:02:04,359
That's what I didn't ask.
46
00:02:05,836 --> 00:02:07,915
No wonder he's mad at me!
47
00:02:08,566 --> 00:02:10,457
Oh, my God, I am so loving today.
48
00:02:10,513 --> 00:02:12,859
I am so over Josh, I have
a really hot date tonight,
49
00:02:12,927 --> 00:02:14,643
and we're gonna win the lottery.
50
00:02:14,694 --> 00:02:17,066
It's blue skies and
sunshine from here on out.
51
00:02:17,136 --> 00:02:18,734
(thunder crashing)
52
00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:23,746
Oh. You hear that, people? That's
the winds of change a'blowin'.
53
00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:27,226
(theme music playing)
54
00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:33,149
She in the spotlight
55
00:02:33,215 --> 00:02:34,816
And she turned my head
56
00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:36,875
She'd run a red light
57
00:02:36,934 --> 00:02:38,752
'Cause she's bad like that
58
00:02:38,806 --> 00:02:42,618
I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby, baby
59
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:45,853
-
I like that ooh, baby ooh, baby
- Sync/corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com
60
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:50,887
What are you doing?
61
00:02:50,925 --> 00:02:52,933
I am de-Kaminski-ing our apartment.
62
00:02:52,992 --> 00:02:55,710
Anything Josh has given
me, I am throwing away.
63
00:02:55,797 --> 00:02:59,582
Oh, like this electric fork that
automatically twirls your spaghetti up.
64
00:02:59,691 --> 00:03:01,463
(whirring)
65
00:03:01,516 --> 00:03:02,793
I love that fork.
66
00:03:02,831 --> 00:03:04,871
- Well, get over it! It's gone!
- (clank)
67
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:08,625
So do I look cute for my
date? Like hot pepper cute?
68
00:03:09,512 --> 00:03:12,952
You look amazing, but, uh...
didn't Josh buy you that jacket?
69
00:03:13,465 --> 00:03:14,733
Oh, good catch!
70
00:03:15,201 --> 00:03:17,413
And, uh, what about
the car he bought ya?
71
00:03:18,236 --> 00:03:19,576
Let's not go crazy.
72
00:03:20,816 --> 00:03:22,283
Hey, what's all that for?
73
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,930
Well, Elliot and Yolanda
are coming over tonight
74
00:03:25,006 --> 00:03:27,535
to watch the Mega Ball
Lottery numbers being drawn,
75
00:03:27,609 --> 00:03:29,946
and I just bought our winning ticket.
76
00:03:30,015 --> 00:03:32,689
Oh, that's right! Hey, what time
are we becoming millionaires?
77
00:03:32,767 --> 00:03:35,090
I, uh, might invite Conrad
back with me to watch.
78
00:03:35,158 --> 00:03:37,365
Uh, no, no. What if you win?
79
00:03:37,430 --> 00:03:39,626
Then you'll never know if he
likes you for you of your money.
80
00:03:39,691 --> 00:03:42,369
- (knocking)
- Oh, my God, it's him.
81
00:03:42,447 --> 00:03:44,798
All right, have fun. I'm
gonna go put on a sports bra
82
00:03:44,867 --> 00:03:48,158
so when we win and I jump up and
down, my boobs don't go flyin'!
83
00:03:51,387 --> 00:03:54,046
- Hi.
- Hi, I'm Conrad.
84
00:03:54,124 --> 00:03:56,373
And wow, do you look
better than your picture.
85
00:03:56,439 --> 00:03:57,765
Oh, thank you.
86
00:03:57,805 --> 00:04:00,444
I'm really excited to go to that
tapas bar you were talking about.
87
00:04:00,521 --> 00:04:03,810
Oh, it just started to rain.
You better put on a jacket.
88
00:04:03,905 --> 00:04:05,387
Oh. Okay. Thanks.
89
00:04:06,691 --> 00:04:07,891
Trust me...
90
00:04:07,927 --> 00:04:11,654
it's the only time I'll be
asking you to put on clothes.
91
00:04:21,146 --> 00:04:22,944
So, Josh, in our last appointment,
92
00:04:22,997 --> 00:04:25,880
we talked about you
letting Gabi start dating.
93
00:04:25,964 --> 00:04:27,200
How'd that go?
94
00:04:28,634 --> 00:04:31,416
I guess it went fine. I
don't feel great about it.
95
00:04:31,926 --> 00:04:35,488
I mean, I want her to be happy,
but I want her to be happy with me.
96
00:04:37,588 --> 00:04:38,811
Is it hot in here?
97
00:04:39,093 --> 00:04:41,492
That's your follow-up
question at 300 bucks an hour?
98
00:04:45,532 --> 00:04:47,099
- Josh?
- Hm?
99
00:04:47,232 --> 00:04:48,704
Are you staring at me?
100
00:04:49,202 --> 00:04:50,402
No.
101
00:04:51,444 --> 00:04:54,093
- Mm-mm.
- It's not a crime to look at my body.
102
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:58,576
Is it a crime to touch it? (chuckles)
I'm kidding! I am so kidding.
103
00:04:58,894 --> 00:05:01,509
- Which part would you like to touch?
- Can I pick two?
104
00:05:02,762 --> 00:05:04,080
What's happening?
105
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:05,680
What is happening?
106
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:08,202
This is so happening.
107
00:05:08,451 --> 00:05:09,699
Oh, God.
108
00:05:10,866 --> 00:05:12,066
Josh!
109
00:05:12,102 --> 00:05:14,070
(both scream)
110
00:05:14,128 --> 00:05:16,471
Oh... Oh, my God.
111
00:05:16,918 --> 00:05:18,174
Oh, it was a dream.
112
00:05:18,727 --> 00:05:22,414
Well, speaking of dreams,
you made mine come true.
113
00:05:22,521 --> 00:05:25,359
Thank you so much for
letting me redo your office.
114
00:05:25,866 --> 00:05:27,066
What?
115
00:05:27,185 --> 00:05:29,271
Wait, you mean Elliot didn't tell you
116
00:05:29,333 --> 00:05:31,865
about how they raised the
rent on my karaoke bar,
117
00:05:31,939 --> 00:05:33,962
"Me Sing? I Could Never. Okay."
118
00:05:34,475 --> 00:05:37,007
And now I'm pursuing my
passion for interior design,
119
00:05:37,081 --> 00:05:39,228
which my first project
is to redo your office
120
00:05:39,292 --> 00:05:40,901
for a reasonable, yet generous fee?
121
00:05:42,183 --> 00:05:44,447
Uh... no.
122
00:05:44,513 --> 00:05:46,655
Oy, I can't believe that man.
123
00:05:46,718 --> 00:05:49,094
This is so embarrassing.
I'm horrified...
124
00:05:49,164 --> 00:05:52,277
like you must be every time you
walk into this hellhole of an office.
125
00:05:52,974 --> 00:05:54,174
You okay?
126
00:05:54,844 --> 00:05:57,595
Alan... have you ever been in therapy?
127
00:05:57,676 --> 00:06:01,468
Please. I'm Jewish, gay,
and I witnessed a murder.
128
00:06:02,276 --> 00:06:05,017
Better question is have I
ever been out of therapy.
129
00:06:05,097 --> 00:06:06,930
Okay. I want to talk
to you about something,
130
00:06:06,985 --> 00:06:10,186
but you have to promise not
to say anything to anyone.
131
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:11,575
Nothing leaves this room...
132
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,396
other than those hideous leather
football helmets, God willing.
133
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:17,092
Okay, so...
134
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:22,572
The dream I was having,
was a sex dream...
135
00:06:23,723 --> 00:06:25,160
about my therapist.
136
00:06:25,203 --> 00:06:28,093
Seriously? That's
nothing to worry about.
137
00:06:28,177 --> 00:06:31,011
I've had sex dreams about
my mother, my rabbi, you,
138
00:06:31,094 --> 00:06:32,836
and that was all in one dream.
139
00:06:32,888 --> 00:06:35,236
Yeah, but the whole point of me
going to therapy was to fix my
140
00:06:35,305 --> 00:06:36,517
commitment issues with Gabi.
141
00:06:36,790 --> 00:06:39,394
Gabi's the one I want. I don't want
to start falling for Dr. Rounds.
142
00:06:39,470 --> 00:06:41,096
Oh, bubala please.
143
00:06:41,144 --> 00:06:43,808
You're not falling for her.
It's called transference.
144
00:06:43,886 --> 00:06:46,090
Your feelings for Gabi are
being projected onto your doctor.
145
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,673
It's all part of the process.
146
00:06:47,718 --> 00:06:48,918
- It is?
- Yes.
147
00:06:48,955 --> 00:06:50,844
It's totally natural.
148
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:54,293
Unlike this laminate flooring,
which, hello, you're a millionaire.
149
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:57,086
So what do I do about it?
150
00:06:57,131 --> 00:06:59,209
This is the whole reason
you're paying a therapist.
151
00:06:59,270 --> 00:07:00,728
You have to tell her about your dream.
152
00:07:00,772 --> 00:07:03,512
- Oh, it's so embarrassing.
- Joshua.
153
00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:05,623
Fine, I'll tell her.
154
00:07:06,222 --> 00:07:08,489
And anything you want to tell me?
155
00:07:09,119 --> 00:07:10,319
You're hired.
156
00:07:10,355 --> 00:07:13,585
What? Me design? I could never. Okay.
157
00:07:19,567 --> 00:07:21,276
Gabi, tonight was amazing.
158
00:07:21,327 --> 00:07:23,698
You're amazing. I'm amazing.
159
00:07:24,131 --> 00:07:25,921
Yes, so many things are amazing.
160
00:07:25,974 --> 00:07:27,801
- Well, good night.
- (chuckles)
161
00:07:27,855 --> 00:07:29,688
I know what that's code for.
162
00:07:29,742 --> 00:07:31,878
"Break me off a piece of that Conrad."
163
00:07:34,482 --> 00:07:36,886
No. No codes here. Good night.
164
00:07:37,766 --> 00:07:39,172
Hey, hey, hey!
165
00:07:40,608 --> 00:07:41,808
What are you doin'?
166
00:07:41,844 --> 00:07:43,605
Coming in for a "drink."
167
00:07:44,128 --> 00:07:47,745
And just so you know, I'm not one of
those guys who ditches right after.
168
00:07:47,859 --> 00:07:49,394
I'm a primo cuddler.
169
00:07:49,439 --> 00:07:51,558
You'll find that out soon, Little Spoon.
170
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:55,853
Ew. Enough, okay?
171
00:07:55,924 --> 00:07:59,094
I've been trying to be nice, but
you're gross. You need to leave.
172
00:07:59,186 --> 00:08:00,945
Wait, you're rejecting me?
173
00:08:00,997 --> 00:08:04,328
You used the wrong spelling of
"your" twice in your profile,
174
00:08:04,425 --> 00:08:08,368
but I still thought, "Hey, let's
give the cute, dumb girl a chance."
175
00:08:08,483 --> 00:08:10,448
Me dumb? You dumb!
176
00:08:10,506 --> 00:08:13,386
That soup you sent back for
being too cold was gazpacho!
177
00:08:13,470 --> 00:08:14,755
You're not a foodie at all!
178
00:08:14,793 --> 00:08:17,054
I bet you just go on every
dating website there is.
179
00:08:17,121 --> 00:08:20,001
Uh, yeah. It's called
a numbers game, dummy.
180
00:08:21,019 --> 00:08:23,257
- See you never!
- See you never-er!
181
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:27,776
Oh, my God, I could scream!
182
00:08:27,824 --> 00:08:29,855
(all scream)
183
00:08:29,915 --> 00:08:32,338
- What? What? What? What?!
- We just won!
184
00:08:32,409 --> 00:08:34,671
Oh, my God, we won $500 million?
185
00:08:34,738 --> 00:08:37,577
No! We only got five of the numbers!
186
00:08:38,103 --> 00:08:39,470
So why are we jumping?!
187
00:08:39,511 --> 00:08:42,695
Because we still won $500,000!
188
00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:45,333
Oh, my God! I should have
worn a sports bra too.
189
00:08:45,407 --> 00:08:48,407
So where's the ticket?
Get the freaking ticket!
190
00:08:49,448 --> 00:08:52,589
Relax, okay? It's right... here.
191
00:08:52,681 --> 00:08:54,288
(All) Oh, my God, oh, my God...
192
00:08:54,335 --> 00:08:56,613
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God!
193
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,382
- What, what, what?
- I put the ticket in the jean jacket
194
00:08:58,433 --> 00:08:59,634
and now the jacket's not here!
195
00:08:59,670 --> 00:09:01,296
The jacket's not here!
196
00:09:01,344 --> 00:09:02,895
(chuckles)
197
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:05,074
The look on your faces
right now is so great
198
00:09:05,136 --> 00:09:07,158
because what happened was I
was going on my date with Conrad
199
00:09:07,218 --> 00:09:09,318
and I borrowed Sofia's
jean jacket instead,
200
00:09:09,545 --> 00:09:12,567
and that's why I'm wearing
it... a-right... a-now.
201
00:09:15,338 --> 00:09:16,815
I'm not wearing it, am I?
202
00:09:22,624 --> 00:09:25,405
Okay, Conrad's still not picking
up and his voice mail's full.
203
00:09:25,486 --> 00:09:27,931
And he's not answering
because he hates you.
204
00:09:28,003 --> 00:09:31,047
I hate you. Everybody hates
you. This is all your fault.
205
00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:34,191
Okay, yes, I left the jacket in his car.
206
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:38,218
But in my defense, who hides
a lottery ticket in a jacket?
207
00:09:38,693 --> 00:09:41,330
Who wears a jean jacket
on a first date, Reba?
208
00:09:41,407 --> 00:09:43,095
Hey! It was raining!
209
00:09:43,623 --> 00:09:45,865
I just found the u-ugliest
jacket I could find!
210
00:09:45,931 --> 00:09:48,061
Oh, "ugly"? "Ugly"? Let
me tell you something
211
00:09:48,124 --> 00:09:49,505
- about ugly, you jacket thief!
- No, let me tell you something about...
212
00:09:49,546 --> 00:09:52,431
Stop it, you cackling bitches!
213
00:09:53,553 --> 00:09:55,688
Listen, this is not my fault, okay?
214
00:09:55,751 --> 00:09:59,132
You know whose fault it is? Josh's. If
he didn't have his commitment issues,
215
00:09:59,230 --> 00:10:02,112
which forced me to start dating,
I never would have met Conrad
216
00:10:02,196 --> 00:10:05,795
and I never would have had to wear
Sofia's ugly jacket. Boom! Josh's fault!
217
00:10:06,613 --> 00:10:08,934
It's not my fault! It's
called transference!
218
00:10:10,268 --> 00:10:11,655
Did Alan say some...
219
00:10:12,642 --> 00:10:14,142
thing? What you guys talking about?
220
00:10:15,889 --> 00:10:18,460
Somebody lost a lottery ticket.
What are you talking about?
221
00:10:18,944 --> 00:10:20,144
Breakfast.
222
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,984
I want to have breakfast in my office.
223
00:10:23,036 --> 00:10:25,566
Can you please transference
those scones into my office?
224
00:10:30,146 --> 00:10:31,346
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
225
00:10:31,390 --> 00:10:33,814
Drop the scone and pick up your phone.
226
00:10:35,273 --> 00:10:36,741
Okay, fine. But I don't know why
227
00:10:36,785 --> 00:10:39,339
you think after I called him
a thousand times he's just
228
00:10:39,414 --> 00:10:41,094
- suddenly gonna pick up.
- (Conrad) Hello?
229
00:10:41,255 --> 00:10:42,455
Conrad!
230
00:10:42,491 --> 00:10:45,995
Hey, I got your 40 messages.
What's up, Desperate?
231
00:10:47,927 --> 00:10:51,249
I can't do this. I hate
him. I hate him. Okay, fine.
232
00:10:51,549 --> 00:10:52,993
Hey, Conrad.
233
00:10:53,197 --> 00:10:57,298
It turns out I... I'm down
for that... primo cuddle.
234
00:10:58,954 --> 00:11:02,340
So, why don't you drive here
in your car and do that now?
235
00:11:04,479 --> 00:11:07,589
Sorry, Little Spoon,
I'm still in my PJs.
236
00:11:07,790 --> 00:11:10,441
But I would be willing to let
you make me dinner tonight.
237
00:11:10,518 --> 00:11:12,002
And since we're both foodies,
238
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:14,658
I'll bring you Conrad's famous cannoli.
239
00:11:14,734 --> 00:11:16,709
Oh, okay. You make cannoli?
240
00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:17,967
Nope.
241
00:11:20,289 --> 00:11:21,489
(beep)
242
00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:27,335
(thunder crashes)
243
00:11:27,376 --> 00:11:28,576
Wow.
244
00:11:28,612 --> 00:11:32,049
That is some storm out there, huh?
245
00:11:32,977 --> 00:11:35,440
Josh, that's the third
time you've said that.
246
00:11:35,511 --> 00:11:37,584
In your message, you said
you really needed to talk
247
00:11:37,645 --> 00:11:38,845
and asked me to squeeze you in.
248
00:11:38,882 --> 00:11:42,720
(chuckles) I never said anything
about squeezing anything.
249
00:11:43,832 --> 00:11:45,669
- Josh.
- Fine.
250
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,809
I had... a dream...
251
00:11:51,303 --> 00:11:53,945
that was...
252
00:11:54,766 --> 00:11:57,841
sexual in nature, involving sex.
253
00:11:59,335 --> 00:12:01,687
Huh. Was anyone else in it?
254
00:12:01,756 --> 00:12:03,375
There was, there was, there was a woman.
255
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,439
And the woman who it was was...
256
00:12:08,525 --> 00:12:09,759
(phone rings)
257
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:12,309
I'm sorry. It only rings
through if it's an emergency.
258
00:12:12,382 --> 00:12:14,161
- Just a moment.
- (ringing continues)
259
00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:16,519
Hello?
260
00:12:18,540 --> 00:12:19,740
What?
261
00:12:20,270 --> 00:12:21,895
Oh, my God! I am on my way.
262
00:12:22,191 --> 00:12:24,446
A car skidded in the
rain and hit my dog.
263
00:12:24,512 --> 00:12:26,550
I am sorry. I have to get
to the animal hospital.
264
00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:27,943
- (keys plop)
- Damn it.
265
00:12:27,983 --> 00:12:29,608
- Um, hey, you... you can't drive
- (groans)
266
00:12:29,657 --> 00:12:33,015
like this. Okay? I'll take you.
It's raining cats and dogs out there.
267
00:12:33,112 --> 00:12:34,761
I am so sorry.
268
00:12:40,628 --> 00:12:44,270
Sexy! Perfect diversion! He won't
be able to keep his eyes off of you.
269
00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:46,779
(groans) Well, as long as he
can keep his hands off of me.
270
00:12:47,794 --> 00:12:50,245
Yeah, well, just keep
picturing $500,000.
271
00:12:50,317 --> 00:12:52,738
- (knocking)
- Oh, my God, he's here.
272
00:12:53,025 --> 00:12:55,258
Just put on that big, giant smile.
273
00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:59,278
Okay, you have exactly
four minutes to get his keys
274
00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:01,575
and get into his car to get
the jacket before I kill...
275
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,012
Conrad!
276
00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,996
Hey, doll. I knew you'd
come crawling back.
277
00:13:06,064 --> 00:13:10,420
Oh, yeah, well, you know me so well.
(chuckles) I'm a little creepy crawler.
278
00:13:11,182 --> 00:13:13,853
- Yes, you are.
- Ha ha, that tickles.
279
00:13:15,666 --> 00:13:19,594
Hello, Conrad. I'm Sofia, the
roommate. Can I take your jacket?
280
00:13:19,707 --> 00:13:21,853
And the clothes are coming off already.
281
00:13:21,917 --> 00:13:23,417
(laughs)
282
00:13:23,461 --> 00:13:25,863
(both laugh)
283
00:13:25,934 --> 00:13:28,182
Okay, well, you two have fun.
284
00:13:28,248 --> 00:13:30,630
All right, we will. You have
fun doing whatever you're doing
285
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:32,203
as fast as you possibly can!
286
00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:34,053
(door closes)
287
00:13:37,330 --> 00:13:40,344
It's not up here! You
guys find anything?
288
00:13:40,432 --> 00:13:42,647
No. There's nothing back here.
289
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:45,391
Yolanda? Aah!
290
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,745
(muffled screams)
291
00:13:48,257 --> 00:13:50,301
Ew, licorice.
292
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:51,767
What the hell?!
293
00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:54,171
I get low blood sugar.
294
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,584
You ever hear of a purse, bitch?
295
00:14:01,135 --> 00:14:02,800
So, Conrad...
296
00:14:05,019 --> 00:14:09,046
can I get you anything?
Um, beer, wine, or...
297
00:14:09,163 --> 00:14:11,141
we could just do shots
till you pass out.
298
00:14:12,057 --> 00:14:14,120
Trying to get me drunk.
299
00:14:14,330 --> 00:14:15,978
I know that game.
300
00:14:16,027 --> 00:14:18,223
You wanna kiss me, don't you?
301
00:14:18,288 --> 00:14:19,488
I don't...
302
00:14:21,046 --> 00:14:22,256
wanna rush it.
303
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,604
No, I'm the kind of girl that
likes to get to know a guy first.
304
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:29,680
I'm 28, I run an online clothing
store, and I love Billy Joel.
305
00:14:29,795 --> 00:14:31,368
Let's do this.
306
00:14:31,682 --> 00:14:32,882
(phone chimes)
307
00:14:33,627 --> 00:14:34,862
Oh, damn it.
308
00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:36,180
Problem, babe?
309
00:14:36,439 --> 00:14:38,338
Uh, no. No problem.
310
00:14:38,394 --> 00:14:40,276
It's just that I borrowed
my roommate's jacket
311
00:14:40,332 --> 00:14:42,328
for our date last night
and now she can't find it.
312
00:14:42,387 --> 00:14:43,941
Oh, you left it in my car.
313
00:14:43,987 --> 00:14:46,543
But it's not in your car. Probably.
314
00:14:48,491 --> 00:14:50,788
That's right. I brought
it up to my place.
315
00:14:50,855 --> 00:14:52,377
But here's a plan.
316
00:14:52,423 --> 00:14:55,015
You can get it on our third date...
317
00:14:55,754 --> 00:14:57,746
so you don't get cold the next morning.
318
00:14:57,805 --> 00:15:00,222
(chuckles) Can't wait for that.
319
00:15:00,979 --> 00:15:02,924
So where do you live exactly?
320
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,645
Okay, this is Conrad's place.
321
00:15:05,709 --> 00:15:08,289
Yolanda, you guard the door,
Elliot, you watch out for neighbors.
322
00:15:08,364 --> 00:15:09,981
- I'll get the jacket.
- Oh, screw that.
323
00:15:10,029 --> 00:15:11,435
We're coming in to help you look.
324
00:15:11,490 --> 00:15:14,287
Yolanda, it's a jean jacket.
How hard can it be to find?
325
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:20,121
Oh, my damn.
326
00:15:20,922 --> 00:15:22,186
Oh, my denim.
327
00:15:25,964 --> 00:15:28,986
So, you wanna do it "Lady
and the Tramp" style?
328
00:15:30,850 --> 00:15:33,965
Oh, you mean, like, each taking the
ends of the spaghetti in our mouths?
329
00:15:34,056 --> 00:15:35,256
Nope.
330
00:15:35,292 --> 00:15:36,567
(slurps)
331
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,111
(phone rings)
332
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,597
Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this.
333
00:15:45,664 --> 00:15:48,792
It's my... chael Bolton.
334
00:15:52,558 --> 00:15:54,098
Hey, Michael.
335
00:15:55,669 --> 00:15:58,821
Gabi, I'm looking at literally
a thousand denim jackets.
336
00:15:58,913 --> 00:16:01,258
It's like the clothing store
from Brokeback Mountain.
337
00:16:03,305 --> 00:16:05,255
(Elliot) Oh, my God! Look at this!
338
00:16:05,313 --> 00:16:07,119
Hold on. I think Elliot
might have found it.
339
00:16:11,285 --> 00:16:14,004
Subtly studded with breakaway sleeves.
340
00:16:15,452 --> 00:16:17,684
Viola! It's a vest!
341
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,755
I can't quit it.
342
00:16:20,963 --> 00:16:24,666
Oh, let me see those. Thank you.
343
00:16:24,774 --> 00:16:26,896
Find! The! Jacket! Fool!
344
00:16:28,569 --> 00:16:30,680
Okay, well, hurry. Please hurry.
345
00:16:33,579 --> 00:16:34,991
Is there a problem?
346
00:16:35,033 --> 00:16:38,622
Oh, no. My friend is just
having a little trouble.
347
00:16:38,726 --> 00:16:41,600
Finding this?
348
00:16:41,684 --> 00:16:44,620
- (gasps)
- (thunder crashes)
349
00:16:48,093 --> 00:16:50,831
I can't believe Sigmund's
still in surgery.
350
00:16:51,196 --> 00:16:53,723
Look, I know it's hard, but
you should really try to relax.
351
00:16:54,095 --> 00:16:56,301
Hey! Usually it's you saying that to me.
352
00:16:58,256 --> 00:17:02,294
I know it's clich?,
but he's my best friend.
353
00:17:03,369 --> 00:17:05,427
You know what would help
me get my mind off things?
354
00:17:05,709 --> 00:17:07,544
If we continued with your session.
355
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,152
Right here, right now?
356
00:17:11,213 --> 00:17:13,635
It would help me focus on
something other than Sigmund.
357
00:17:14,069 --> 00:17:16,308
- Please?
- Okay.
358
00:17:16,897 --> 00:17:18,097
(exhales loudly)
359
00:17:18,150 --> 00:17:19,877
So... (sighs)
360
00:17:19,961 --> 00:17:22,423
like I was saying,
I've been having this...
361
00:17:22,495 --> 00:17:24,903
sexual dream about...
362
00:17:24,974 --> 00:17:26,191
I'm sorry!
363
00:17:26,228 --> 00:17:27,743
(sobs)
364
00:17:33,064 --> 00:17:34,406
Thank you.
365
00:17:37,184 --> 00:17:39,572
Oh, my God, you had that
ticket the whole time?!
366
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,047
Why didn't you just go cash
it?! Why would you make me sit
367
00:17:42,118 --> 00:17:43,959
through this whole night
with you with your gross
368
00:17:44,013 --> 00:17:46,074
come-ons and your sleazy innuendos
369
00:17:46,135 --> 00:17:49,355
and your fog of Euro-trash body spray?!
370
00:17:51,935 --> 00:17:54,866
Gabi, Gabi, Gabi. I did it for this.
371
00:17:54,952 --> 00:17:57,619
- For what?!
- To watch you squirm.
372
00:17:57,697 --> 00:18:02,132
I liked you, Gabi. I liked you
a lot and you threw it all away.
373
00:18:02,260 --> 00:18:05,170
Let this be a $500,000 lesson.
374
00:18:05,255 --> 00:18:06,557
Hasta la bye-bye.
375
00:18:06,596 --> 00:18:09,064
No, no, no. Hey, hey! No! You're
not leaving with that ticket.
376
00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:11,884
Oh, you're gonna stop
me? You and what army?
377
00:18:13,413 --> 00:18:15,899
- Where is it?
- Give us our ticket.
378
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:20,221
Let me ask you something, buddy.
379
00:18:20,688 --> 00:18:22,030
Does this come in white?
380
00:18:23,210 --> 00:18:24,904
Everybody back off!
381
00:18:24,955 --> 00:18:27,221
There's no way any of you
are getting this ticket.
382
00:18:27,287 --> 00:18:29,443
And there is no way
I'd ever choke you out,
383
00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:32,150
wrap you in a shower curtain,
and dump you in the East Bay.
384
00:18:35,329 --> 00:18:37,745
Fine. You want it?
385
00:18:38,463 --> 00:18:39,841
Come and get it.
386
00:18:42,351 --> 00:18:43,672
I'm out.
387
00:18:45,796 --> 00:18:47,402
I'm in. Ladies.
388
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,468
(screams)
389
00:18:53,387 --> 00:18:56,041
Run, Elliot! Work those stubby...
390
00:18:56,424 --> 00:18:58,750
You're never getting
this ticket from my hands!
391
00:18:58,954 --> 00:19:01,412
- Never! (chuckles) Oh!
- Oh, no?
392
00:19:01,484 --> 00:19:03,307
(chuckles) It's mine!
393
00:19:03,361 --> 00:19:05,021
You'll never see this ticket again!
394
00:19:05,070 --> 00:19:07,435
- I'm rich!
- (thunder crashes)
395
00:19:07,505 --> 00:19:11,081
(All) Nooooo!
396
00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:17,919
So this ticket is gone forever,
397
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,960
and yet Conrad came out
relatively unscathed.
398
00:19:21,046 --> 00:19:22,498
That seems fair.
399
00:19:23,269 --> 00:19:24,469
(phone chimes)
400
00:19:24,506 --> 00:19:26,648
Well, looks like Conrad is doing better.
401
00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:29,910
He just sent me a picture of
him high-fouring the nurse.
402
00:19:31,308 --> 00:19:33,305
Okay, can we just, like, take a moment
403
00:19:33,364 --> 00:19:35,044
to reflect on what happened tonight?
404
00:19:35,094 --> 00:19:38,677
I mean, the chances of winning the
lottery are, like, one in a gazillion,
405
00:19:38,781 --> 00:19:41,779
and then the chances of
lightning striking that ticket
406
00:19:41,866 --> 00:19:43,854
are, like, one in a kajillion,
407
00:19:44,060 --> 00:19:46,263
but both of those things
happening at the same time,
408
00:19:46,328 --> 00:19:48,534
that will never happen again.
409
00:19:48,599 --> 00:19:50,186
Exactly.
410
00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:52,465
Do you know what that means?
411
00:19:53,236 --> 00:19:54,891
That I'm not getting a boat.
412
00:19:56,248 --> 00:19:58,841
No, that lighting doesn't strike twice,
413
00:19:58,916 --> 00:20:01,371
and there aren't a
million Joshes in the sea.
414
00:20:02,412 --> 00:20:04,369
Sofia, I'm not dating anymore.
415
00:20:04,701 --> 00:20:06,812
Okay? I'm waiting for Josh.
416
00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:08,691
I don't care how long it takes.
417
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,022
He's my one in a million.
418
00:20:14,561 --> 00:20:15,761
(phone rings)
419
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,977
(footsteps)
420
00:20:19,028 --> 00:20:20,975
- Jessica Rounds?
- That's me.
421
00:20:22,019 --> 00:20:23,746
- How is he?
- He's out of surgery.
422
00:20:23,797 --> 00:20:26,319
A couple of broken bones,
but he's gonna be just fine.
423
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:27,641
Oh, thank God!
424
00:20:28,205 --> 00:20:30,243
- (squeals)
- (both chuckle)
425
00:20:30,304 --> 00:20:32,510
Thank you so much for
being there for me.
426
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:44,722
(thunder rumbling)
427
00:20:52,374 --> 00:20:54,078
(thunder rumbling)
428
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,796
I'm really sorry you didn't
get that lottery ticket.
429
00:20:56,899 --> 00:21:00,000
(sighs) We just could
have really used the money.
430
00:21:00,514 --> 00:21:03,212
Thank God you found your
calling in interior design.
431
00:21:03,325 --> 00:21:06,707
Uh, my little calling...
huh, I should've hung up.
432
00:21:07,065 --> 00:21:08,665
It's a disaster.
433
00:21:08,713 --> 00:21:10,847
What do you think about
me becoming a therapist?
434
00:21:11,419 --> 00:21:14,734
Stop it. I bet it's
gorgeous. Let me be the judge.
435
00:21:16,690 --> 00:21:19,554
You're gonna make an amazing therapist!
436
00:21:19,604 --> 00:21:24,154
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33081
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
