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1
00:00:01,082 --> 00:00:02,083
(Computer chimes)
2
00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:03,117
Oh!
3
00:00:03,117 --> 00:00:05,787
Breaking Bad Season Five downloaded.
4
00:00:05,787 --> 00:00:07,955
Walter White is on tonight.
5
00:00:07,955 --> 00:00:10,448
Sofia, it's Friday night!
6
00:00:10,449 --> 00:00:11,617
Yeah, it is!
7
00:00:11,618 --> 00:00:13,653
We're not gonna sleep
till the sun comes up!
8
00:00:13,654 --> 00:00:15,389
You're damn right we're not!
9
00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:19,052
Both: Aren't you gonna
change? Why would I change?
10
00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:20,587
We're going out clubbing tonight.
11
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,706
No, we're not. We're
finishing Breaking Bad tonight.
12
00:00:22,707 --> 00:00:25,237
You know what's breaking
bad? Your dating life.
13
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,129
What are you talking about?
14
00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:29,172
I date.
15
00:00:29,173 --> 00:00:31,954
You've been on three dates in the past year
and you found a reason to hate all of them.
16
00:00:32,093 --> 00:00:33,228
That's not true!
17
00:00:34,309 --> 00:00:35,871
You remember Mr. Brilliant?
18
00:00:35,872 --> 00:00:37,174
How could I forget?
19
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,160
(Snooty accent) "The traffic is brilliant.
20
00:00:39,161 --> 00:00:41,062
"The lighting was brilliant.
21
00:00:41,797 --> 00:00:43,953
"These ice cubes are brilliant."
22
00:00:44,955 --> 00:00:46,507
Okay, well, then you didn't like Rick
23
00:00:46,507 --> 00:00:48,699
because he dotted his I's with a bubble.
24
00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:50,955
And he had a flip phone.
25
00:00:50,956 --> 00:00:52,199
What are we, cavemen?
26
00:00:52,906 --> 00:00:54,441
Okay, listen...
27
00:00:54,442 --> 00:00:57,113
Sweetie, did you ever think maybe
you're just a little too picky?
28
00:00:57,456 --> 00:00:58,399
No!
29
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,086
Look, you just don't get it,
30
00:01:00,086 --> 00:01:02,455
because you have a super Cooper bear.
31
00:01:02,455 --> 00:01:03,924
Yeah, and that's why
I'm pushing you so hard.
32
00:01:03,924 --> 00:01:07,394
I want you to have a super
significant other bear.
33
00:01:08,282 --> 00:01:09,929
Well, it ain't gonna happen,
34
00:01:09,930 --> 00:01:11,831
because all the perfect guys are taken.
35
00:01:11,831 --> 00:01:13,340
I met the perfect guy!
36
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,335
- (Gasps)
- (Laughs)
37
00:01:15,335 --> 00:01:16,372
Marco!
38
00:01:16,441 --> 00:01:17,372
Polo!
39
00:01:17,373 --> 00:01:19,191
Where'd you meet him? The pool?
40
00:01:21,179 --> 00:01:23,515
In the pool of hotties on "HeyCupid."
41
00:01:23,515 --> 00:01:25,050
It's a dating app
42
00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:26,284
where you hold your phone up
43
00:01:26,284 --> 00:01:28,887
and if a guy nearby likes your profile,
44
00:01:28,887 --> 00:01:29,921
bam!
45
00:01:29,921 --> 00:01:31,156
(Giggles)
46
00:01:31,156 --> 00:01:32,524
Now I have Marco.
47
00:01:32,524 --> 00:01:36,524
He's cool, sexy, and owns
a gourmet butcher shop.
48
00:01:36,711 --> 00:01:38,296
Oh, wow!
49
00:01:38,296 --> 00:01:40,098
Sofia hasn't had a good
piece of meat in a while.
50
00:01:43,443 --> 00:01:44,511
So, uh,
51
00:01:44,512 --> 00:01:45,873
we're going on our second date tonight,
52
00:01:45,874 --> 00:01:48,116
so I just came to pick up some mo' wine.
53
00:01:48,911 --> 00:01:50,051
- (Timer dings)
- Oh!
54
00:01:50,052 --> 00:01:51,721
And whatever might be in your oven.
55
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:53,980
Whoo!
56
00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:58,051
Girl, I am so glad I moved next door.
57
00:02:01,587 --> 00:02:02,524
Sofia...
58
00:02:02,525 --> 00:02:03,659
don't even say it.
59
00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:04,928
I'm not using that app.
60
00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:07,526
Men of the world, you've had your chance.
61
00:02:07,526 --> 00:02:10,296
My ass might not quit, but I do.
62
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:14,634
Yeah, well, luckily I don't.
63
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:18,237
"HeyCupid," meet Sofia Maria
Consuelo Rafeala Rodriguez.
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00:02:19,524 --> 00:02:21,302
That's gonna be an autocorrect nightmare.
65
00:02:22,124 --> 00:02:23,792
(Theme music playing)
66
00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:30,034
She in the spotlight
67
00:02:30,034 --> 00:02:31,665
And she turned my head
68
00:02:31,666 --> 00:02:33,621
She'd run a red light
69
00:02:33,622 --> 00:02:35,445
'Cause she bad like that
70
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:38,375
I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby
71
00:02:38,376 --> 00:02:39,411
Baby
72
00:02:39,411 --> 00:02:41,980
I like that ooh, baby ooh, baby
73
00:02:42,007 --> 00:02:43,297
Sync & corrections by PetaG
- www.addic7ed.com -
74
00:02:43,316 --> 00:02:47,404
I need you to press pause on your pathetic
little life and help me hide Josh's stuff.
75
00:02:48,294 --> 00:02:50,663
Caroline just announced her engagement.
76
00:02:50,907 --> 00:02:51,701
What?
77
00:02:51,702 --> 00:02:53,513
But she and Josh broke
up, like, two months ago.
78
00:02:53,514 --> 00:02:54,293
I thought she'd be too busy
79
00:02:54,293 --> 00:02:56,095
making coats out of dalmatian puppies
80
00:02:56,095 --> 00:02:57,129
to get married again.
81
00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,367
Wait, does Josh know?
82
00:03:00,266 --> 00:03:02,101
Why do you think I'm hiding his laptop
83
00:03:02,101 --> 00:03:03,135
his smartphone...
84
00:03:04,370 --> 00:03:06,038
And whatever this vibrating thing is?
85
00:03:09,609 --> 00:03:11,477
Yolanda just told me Caroline's engaged?
86
00:03:11,477 --> 00:03:12,478
Damn it!
87
00:03:14,008 --> 00:03:15,314
Listen, Josh,
88
00:03:15,314 --> 00:03:17,249
just because Caroline
is engaged doesn't mean
89
00:03:17,249 --> 00:03:18,463
you need to go start feeling
90
00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:20,252
- all bad about yourself.
- I don't.
91
00:03:20,252 --> 00:03:23,022
You know, like, "Am I not charming enough?
92
00:03:23,022 --> 00:03:24,689
"Am I not funny enough? Am I getting fat?"
93
00:03:24,690 --> 00:03:25,625
Gabi.
94
00:03:26,959 --> 00:03:28,227
Just for the record, Josh,
95
00:03:28,228 --> 00:03:30,449
I'd love you even if you did get fat.
96
00:03:32,031 --> 00:03:33,232
Guys,
97
00:03:33,232 --> 00:03:34,567
I'm happy for Caroline.
98
00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:36,522
We weren't meant to be
together. It's all good.
99
00:03:36,523 --> 00:03:39,479
You don't need to be brave for us, big guy.
100
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,141
Bring it in.
101
00:03:44,176 --> 00:03:45,458
I don't need to go in.
102
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,461
I'm good.
103
00:03:50,446 --> 00:03:51,608
Can I tell you a secret?
104
00:03:51,609 --> 00:03:52,385
What?
105
00:03:52,385 --> 00:03:54,882
If he got fat, wouldn't love him.
106
00:04:00,593 --> 00:04:01,627
(Phone chimes)
107
00:04:01,627 --> 00:04:03,491
Oh, Elliot, can you grab my phone?
108
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,336
I'm elbow-deep in dumplings.
109
00:04:06,265 --> 00:04:08,167
I'm elbow-deep in "I don't care."
110
00:04:09,335 --> 00:04:10,652
(Scoffs) Please,
111
00:04:10,653 --> 00:04:12,222
I made Sofia a fake dating profile
112
00:04:12,223 --> 00:04:14,006
and every time it dings,
it means she got a match.
113
00:04:14,006 --> 00:04:15,041
Don't you want to see?
114
00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:16,375
Are the guys shirtless?
115
00:04:18,277 --> 00:04:19,311
No.
116
00:04:19,311 --> 00:04:20,346
Then no.
117
00:04:20,346 --> 00:04:21,180
(Phone chimes)
118
00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:22,692
Shoot. Uh...
119
00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:26,218
Ooh, Ruben.
120
00:04:26,218 --> 00:04:28,020
Let's see, college graduate,
121
00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:29,255
works in marketing,
122
00:04:29,255 --> 00:04:30,898
five foot...
123
00:04:31,290 --> 00:04:33,259
Eleven! (Gasps)
124
00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:36,362
Oh! Elliot, it looks like we have a match.
125
00:04:36,362 --> 00:04:37,630
Did you know, statistically,
126
00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:39,687
cellphones are dirtier than toilet seats?
127
00:04:41,634 --> 00:04:42,668
I did not.
128
00:04:42,668 --> 00:04:44,236
Excuse me, I'll be in the bathroom,
129
00:04:44,236 --> 00:04:45,479
scrubbing my face till I bleed.
130
00:04:47,907 --> 00:04:49,375
What do you think?
131
00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:50,943
Marco's taking me to lunch,
132
00:04:50,943 --> 00:04:52,244
and I'm trying to look young.
133
00:04:53,967 --> 00:04:55,635
Is he picking you up 20 years ago?
134
00:04:56,717 --> 00:04:58,119
I'm gonna go touch-up my makeup.
135
00:04:58,119 --> 00:04:59,754
Josh's paint roller is in the laundry room.
136
00:05:00,755 --> 00:05:01,756
(Doorbell rings)
137
00:05:09,096 --> 00:05:10,932
Hi, I'm here to...
138
00:05:12,648 --> 00:05:13,504
Elliot?
139
00:05:13,505 --> 00:05:14,683
Marco?
140
00:05:14,683 --> 00:05:15,918
(Gasps)
141
00:05:15,918 --> 00:05:17,904
You're the Marco that's
going out with Yolanda?
142
00:05:18,954 --> 00:05:20,647
But you used to date men,
143
00:05:20,648 --> 00:05:22,624
and by men, I mean me.
144
00:05:24,785 --> 00:05:26,653
Okay, this just got a little weird.
145
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:29,923
I haven't seen you since
the Madonna concert.
146
00:05:29,923 --> 00:05:32,492
That was a terrible place to dump me.
147
00:05:33,798 --> 00:05:35,996
I haven't been able to
listen to her music since.
148
00:05:37,217 --> 00:05:38,699
Honey, no one has.
149
00:05:40,357 --> 00:05:41,225
Oh, Elliot,
150
00:05:41,226 --> 00:05:43,256
I see you've already met Marco.
151
00:05:43,257 --> 00:05:44,915
Yes, we just met.
152
00:05:44,916 --> 00:05:46,317
Just now.
153
00:05:46,496 --> 00:05:48,531
Not at Brad's Tony Awards party.
154
00:05:50,367 --> 00:05:52,168
Well, let's go, baby.
155
00:05:52,925 --> 00:05:56,239
Marco, are you sure you wouldn't be
more comfortable using the back door?
156
00:05:59,588 --> 00:06:00,623
So...
157
00:06:00,624 --> 00:06:02,110
What are we thinking for lunch, babe?
158
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:03,817
Thai? Italian?
159
00:06:03,818 --> 00:06:04,773
(Both giggle)
160
00:06:04,774 --> 00:06:06,292
Why don't you try Korean?
161
00:06:08,996 --> 00:06:10,164
Oh, wait.
162
00:06:10,165 --> 00:06:11,733
You have.
163
00:06:16,133 --> 00:06:17,968
Ruben, this is not a big deal.
164
00:06:17,968 --> 00:06:19,803
Okay? You've just got to tell Sofia
165
00:06:19,803 --> 00:06:22,038
that you're a friend
of my boyfriend, Cooper.
166
00:06:22,038 --> 00:06:23,607
How tight am I with this Cooper?
167
00:06:23,607 --> 00:06:25,509
I mean, do we have
nicknames for each other?
168
00:06:25,509 --> 00:06:27,010
Would the guy give me a kidney?
169
00:06:27,010 --> 00:06:28,245
Why? Why do you need a kidney?
170
00:06:28,245 --> 00:06:29,495
That was not in your profile.
171
00:06:29,496 --> 00:06:31,813
Look, look, I think your
roommate is really cute,
172
00:06:31,814 --> 00:06:34,520
- but I'm just not comfortable lying.
- (Gasps) Sofia!
173
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:36,515
And suddenly, I'm comfortable.
174
00:06:36,853 --> 00:06:37,412
Wow,
175
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:39,200
you're even prettier than your picture...
176
00:06:39,201 --> 00:06:41,871
That, ah, Coop showed me at work
177
00:06:41,872 --> 00:06:43,406
where I don't need a kidney.
178
00:06:43,407 --> 00:06:45,318
O... kay. So you're in tech.
179
00:06:45,424 --> 00:06:46,905
Tech... nology?
180
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,712
He was, but now he's not.
181
00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:51,781
Yeah, I had a career change.
182
00:06:51,782 --> 00:06:54,162
I work for an establishment
that makes sandwiches.
183
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:55,931
It's called Sammich's.
184
00:06:56,106 --> 00:06:57,119
You heard of it?
185
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,055
Fast food, yes.
186
00:06:59,138 --> 00:07:01,134
Have you ever heard of
someone having to leave
187
00:07:01,135 --> 00:07:03,272
a date early because
she has an appointment?
188
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:04,322
This is that.
189
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,047
Sofia.
190
00:07:05,375 --> 00:07:08,060
I cover five of their franchises
as a marketing associate.
191
00:07:08,378 --> 00:07:09,859
I can reschedule.
192
00:07:10,581 --> 00:07:11,882
Yeah, you can.
193
00:07:12,282 --> 00:07:14,718
You know, Coopster told me you were smart,
194
00:07:14,718 --> 00:07:16,186
funny, and gorgeous.
195
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:17,721
If you ask me,
196
00:07:17,721 --> 00:07:19,590
he under-promised
and over-delivered.
197
00:07:19,590 --> 00:07:21,291
(Giggles)
198
00:07:21,291 --> 00:07:22,726
Marketing speak.
199
00:07:22,726 --> 00:07:24,661
Gabi, I just remembered
that you have to leave early
200
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:25,762
because you have an appointment.
201
00:07:25,762 --> 00:07:26,597
- No, I don't.
- You do!
202
00:07:26,597 --> 00:07:27,598
Okay.
203
00:07:33,937 --> 00:07:36,306
Good morning, my beautiful best friend.
204
00:07:37,049 --> 00:07:39,698
Well, "good morning" before coffee?
205
00:07:39,699 --> 00:07:42,424
It looks like somebody has a roommate
that found her the perfect guy!
206
00:07:42,425 --> 00:07:44,433
Shh! He's in there right now.
207
00:07:44,434 --> 00:07:45,468
(Gasps) Wow.
208
00:07:45,469 --> 00:07:46,377
Damn, girl.
209
00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:47,995
Way to make up for lost time.
210
00:07:47,996 --> 00:07:49,358
Was it like riding a bicycle
211
00:07:49,359 --> 00:07:52,264
or was it like riding a
bicycle a whole bunch of times?
212
00:07:54,196 --> 00:07:56,231
No, all we did was talk.
213
00:07:56,231 --> 00:07:57,933
Naked?
214
00:07:57,933 --> 00:08:00,235
No, you know I'm old fashioned.
215
00:08:00,235 --> 00:08:02,805
Booty's gotta wait till
at least the seventh date.
216
00:08:02,805 --> 00:08:06,075
Ugh, but he is so amazing
217
00:08:06,075 --> 00:08:08,377
and sweet and ambitious.
218
00:08:08,378 --> 00:08:10,515
Plus, I did a background
check while he was sleeping.
219
00:08:10,603 --> 00:08:11,871
No priors.
220
00:08:12,147 --> 00:08:15,284
Oh, wow. No urine sample? You're slipping.
221
00:08:15,907 --> 00:08:17,242
Well, anyway, I'm gonna shower
222
00:08:17,243 --> 00:08:18,908
because he says he has to leave for work,
223
00:08:18,909 --> 00:08:20,602
where he wears a suit.
224
00:08:20,603 --> 00:08:22,472
I'm finally dating a guy who wears a suit!
225
00:08:24,539 --> 00:08:26,507
Go Gabi, go Gabi.
226
00:08:29,745 --> 00:08:30,746
Hey, Ruben.
227
00:08:30,746 --> 00:08:31,780
Hey!
228
00:08:31,780 --> 00:08:32,815
I thought you left for work.
229
00:08:34,717 --> 00:08:35,784
I did not.
230
00:08:36,919 --> 00:08:38,887
Your turn.
231
00:08:38,887 --> 00:08:40,956
(Chuckles) You mean this?
232
00:08:42,039 --> 00:08:43,140
I wear this for work.
233
00:08:43,359 --> 00:08:44,960
Sofia said you wore a suit to work.
234
00:08:45,641 --> 00:08:46,676
I do.
235
00:08:46,677 --> 00:08:48,412
A ham and cheese sandwich suit.
236
00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:50,804
(Laughs) What?
237
00:08:50,804 --> 00:08:52,706
(Angrily) I mean, what?
238
00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:54,641
You know, for Sammich's.
239
00:08:54,641 --> 00:08:56,928
I'm Sammy the sammich.
240
00:08:56,929 --> 00:08:58,479
My costume's in the car.
241
00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:01,896
Oh my God, I-I set Sofia
up with a sandwich but...
242
00:09:01,896 --> 00:09:03,798
wait, you said you were in marketing.
243
00:09:03,798 --> 00:09:06,200
Well, people see me dance,
and they buy a sandwich...
244
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,389
marketing.
245
00:09:07,433 --> 00:09:08,558
Oh my God.
246
00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:10,908
This is so much worse
than having a flip phone.
247
00:09:11,947 --> 00:09:13,915
That's why I don't tell
girls on the first date.
248
00:09:13,916 --> 00:09:15,258
They can be a little judgy.
249
00:09:15,939 --> 00:09:17,931
Yeah, well, you are a sammich.
250
00:09:19,483 --> 00:09:22,686
And if Sofia finds out, she is
never gonna go out with you again.
251
00:09:22,686 --> 00:09:24,822
(Sighs) I really like her.
252
00:09:24,822 --> 00:09:26,890
I know, and I'm her best friend,
253
00:09:26,890 --> 00:09:28,541
and I want to continue to be,
254
00:09:28,542 --> 00:09:30,504
so you just can't tell her.
255
00:09:30,505 --> 00:09:32,202
Okay? Promise me.
256
00:09:32,203 --> 00:09:34,023
- Okay, yeah.
- All right, shake on it!
257
00:09:38,435 --> 00:09:39,703
Oh God, what have I done?
258
00:09:44,721 --> 00:09:45,789
(Phone chimes)
259
00:09:45,789 --> 00:09:48,358
Oh, man. I've gotta delete this app.
260
00:09:48,358 --> 00:09:50,994
Setting up Sofia was the
worst idea I've ever had.
261
00:09:50,994 --> 00:09:52,195
How would you know?
262
00:09:52,195 --> 00:09:54,197
Don't you need to have a
good idea to compare it to?
263
00:09:54,522 --> 00:09:56,065
You know what? It's fine.
264
00:09:56,066 --> 00:09:58,247
It'll be okay. She'll find
something about him that she hates,
265
00:09:58,248 --> 00:09:59,634
and then she'll dump
him before she finds out
266
00:09:59,635 --> 00:10:01,257
he's a sandwich and dumps me.
267
00:10:02,523 --> 00:10:04,024
Ugh, Gabi!
268
00:10:04,025 --> 00:10:06,176
Enough with the incessant whining.
269
00:10:08,052 --> 00:10:09,353
(Whining) Josh!
270
00:10:09,354 --> 00:10:10,956
I have a problem.
271
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:12,956
Now is not a good time, Elliot.
272
00:10:13,256 --> 00:10:16,010
Yolanda's dating someone I
used to date. Should I tell her?
273
00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:16,813
Yes.
274
00:10:18,948 --> 00:10:20,871
I was hoping you'd go the other way...
275
00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:23,149
Like Marco used to.
276
00:10:24,987 --> 00:10:28,791
Listen, I may have a little
bit of a situation, too.
277
00:10:28,791 --> 00:10:29,909
Whatever it is,
278
00:10:29,910 --> 00:10:32,760
don't do something in the heat of
the moment that you'll regret forever.
279
00:10:33,156 --> 00:10:34,891
That's all I do. Do you know me?
280
00:10:36,433 --> 00:10:37,383
Are you okay?
281
00:10:37,384 --> 00:10:38,518
I'm fine. No, I'm not.
282
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,382
So I was thinking about
how happy I am for Caroline,
283
00:10:41,382 --> 00:10:43,758
so I went over to her place
and gave her a wedding gift.
284
00:10:43,759 --> 00:10:45,252
Oh, that's sweet. What'd you give her?
285
00:10:45,252 --> 00:10:46,287
An orgasm.
286
00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:47,288
What?
287
00:10:48,422 --> 00:10:49,740
We had sex.
288
00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:51,083
Y...
289
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,953
yes, I know what an orgasm is!
290
00:10:52,954 --> 00:10:54,856
I just didn't know that
you could register for one.
291
00:10:54,857 --> 00:10:56,292
Oh! Ugh!
292
00:10:56,401 --> 00:10:58,929
Oh my God, what is going on with me?
293
00:10:58,930 --> 00:11:00,574
I mean, since I broke up
with Caroline, there's been
294
00:11:00,575 --> 00:11:03,300
Jilly, Lauren, Shauna,
almost Shauna's daughter,
295
00:11:03,471 --> 00:11:04,538
and now back to Caroline.
296
00:11:05,656 --> 00:11:06,958
You lapped yourself.
297
00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:08,728
I know.
298
00:11:08,729 --> 00:11:12,421
High school Josh would have been stoked
to be in this position, but this is not me.
299
00:11:12,879 --> 00:11:14,147
You know what?
300
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:17,418
I am not sleeping with any more women
until I figure out what is going on.
301
00:11:17,906 --> 00:11:19,187
Listen,
302
00:11:19,274 --> 00:11:21,299
you're not the only one who's
been messing up recently.
303
00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:22,749
I, uh, (Clears throat)
304
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,014
I accidentally set
Sofia up with a sandwich.
305
00:11:28,098 --> 00:11:29,627
I see what you're doing, Gabi.
306
00:11:29,628 --> 00:11:31,630
You're making up something
more idiotic than what I did
307
00:11:31,631 --> 00:11:33,590
to help me feel better
about myself. Thank you.
308
00:11:35,812 --> 00:11:37,347
Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
309
00:11:45,134 --> 00:11:46,502
Yolanda!
310
00:11:46,502 --> 00:11:48,071
I have to tell you something!
311
00:11:48,071 --> 00:11:49,514
Well, tell me while I vacuum,
312
00:11:49,515 --> 00:11:52,242
I have to hurry for my date with Marco!
313
00:11:52,242 --> 00:11:53,610
About that,
314
00:11:53,610 --> 00:11:55,245
I used to date him!
315
00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:56,546
(Shouting) What?
316
00:11:56,546 --> 00:11:59,382
I used to date Marco!
317
00:12:02,917 --> 00:12:04,485
What the hell you talkin' about?
318
00:12:06,232 --> 00:12:08,201
Marco likes women.
319
00:12:08,202 --> 00:12:09,369
Now.
320
00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:12,959
I don't believe you.
321
00:12:12,959 --> 00:12:14,846
Shark tattoo right between the...
322
00:12:14,847 --> 00:12:15,848
Oh my damn!
323
00:12:18,415 --> 00:12:19,696
I'm sorry.
324
00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:21,785
Marco must have been experimenting,
325
00:12:21,785 --> 00:12:23,390
and I was his laboratory.
326
00:12:26,231 --> 00:12:27,874
I can't believe I'm saying this,
327
00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:29,901
but I don't want you to get hurt.
328
00:12:29,901 --> 00:12:32,237
'Cause even though Marco went straight,
329
00:12:32,237 --> 00:12:34,172
he still might fluctuate.
330
00:12:34,811 --> 00:12:38,311
Oh, that is so sweet, Elliot.
331
00:12:38,901 --> 00:12:40,269
But let's be real.
332
00:12:40,270 --> 00:12:43,773
He went "gaysian," then
changed his persuasion.
333
00:12:50,908 --> 00:12:53,044
Oh, hey, I had a thought about Ruben.
334
00:12:53,044 --> 00:12:56,661
Oh, you noticed he chews weird,
and you kicked him to the curb?
335
00:12:58,282 --> 00:12:59,784
He chews perfectly.
336
00:12:59,784 --> 00:13:00,785
Finally!
337
00:13:01,786 --> 00:13:03,321
Hey, listen, the point is
338
00:13:03,321 --> 00:13:05,123
uh, you got your groove back.
339
00:13:05,123 --> 00:13:08,292
You know, so now you can get out there
and you can date other people, not Ruben.
340
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:10,395
Are you crazy?
341
00:13:10,395 --> 00:13:12,030
I finally meet a guy I like,
342
00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:15,571
that's why I'm breaking the
seven-date rule on having sex tonight.
343
00:13:15,572 --> 00:13:16,834
No! No, no, no. Don't.
344
00:13:17,969 --> 00:13:18,970
Put that away!
345
00:13:20,371 --> 00:13:22,440
The rule is very clear, okay?
346
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,553
Booty's gotta wait until
you find things you hate.
347
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,156
Okay, what is going on?
348
00:13:26,156 --> 00:13:27,257
Because a couple of days ago,
349
00:13:27,257 --> 00:13:28,625
you couldn't wait for me to meet someone.
350
00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:29,793
And now you want me to dump him?
351
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,095
Okay, sit down.
352
00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:34,873
There's something about
Ruben you should know.
353
00:13:34,874 --> 00:13:35,691
Okay, well tell me.
354
00:13:35,692 --> 00:13:37,779
Because I think he's the perfect man.
355
00:13:37,855 --> 00:13:39,311
Not so much of a man...
356
00:13:42,138 --> 00:13:43,640
As a manwich.
357
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,728
What?
358
00:13:47,477 --> 00:13:49,646
(Sighs) Ruben...
359
00:13:49,646 --> 00:13:51,248
Is a sandwich.
360
00:13:53,058 --> 00:13:54,789
Yes, Gabi. Haha!
361
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,664
I'm sure he's never heard that one before.
362
00:13:56,761 --> 00:14:00,064
No, no, no. No! Listen, my point is
363
00:14:00,065 --> 00:14:02,300
Ruben is a sandwich,
364
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,069
a professional sandwich.
365
00:14:05,537 --> 00:14:07,105
Ruben is Sammy the sammich.
366
00:14:09,141 --> 00:14:10,442
Hold on.
367
00:14:10,442 --> 00:14:12,398
You mean, the one that
stands outside the...
368
00:14:12,399 --> 00:14:13,433
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
- With the...
369
00:14:13,434 --> 00:14:14,602
- Who does the...
- Yeah.
370
00:14:14,713 --> 00:14:16,081
- What the...
- Go!
371
00:14:18,767 --> 00:14:20,971
I don't understand. Why can't
you just break up with him
372
00:14:20,972 --> 00:14:22,506
over text like all the other ones?
373
00:14:22,555 --> 00:14:23,923
Because he lied to me.
374
00:14:24,055 --> 00:14:26,291
I almost had a one-night "standwich."
375
00:14:27,014 --> 00:14:28,048
Here he is.
376
00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:29,181
Hey!
377
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:33,890
Why didn't you tell me?
378
00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:35,488
I mean, we-we stayed up all night talking.
379
00:14:35,489 --> 00:14:37,293
We shared intimate details of our lives.
380
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,430
I know your favorite sandwich!
381
00:14:38,431 --> 00:14:41,000
But you forgot to mention that you are one!
382
00:14:41,357 --> 00:14:42,841
- (Gasps) Hey!
- Gabi: Hey, hey!
383
00:14:42,842 --> 00:14:43,947
Don't push me!
384
00:14:43,948 --> 00:14:45,683
Nobody shoves my best friend.
385
00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:47,619
Come here! (Grunting)
386
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,721
(Grunts)
387
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,691
- (Gabi groans)
- (Sofia screams)
388
00:14:50,692 --> 00:14:52,127
You got to apologize!
389
00:14:52,148 --> 00:14:53,883
(Gabi and Sofia gasp)
390
00:14:54,996 --> 00:14:56,231
You're not Ruben.
391
00:14:56,232 --> 00:14:57,500
You're damn right I'm not.
392
00:14:57,501 --> 00:14:58,735
(Gasps)
393
00:14:58,736 --> 00:15:01,239
Uh, five second rule. I'm so sorry!
394
00:15:01,866 --> 00:15:03,167
(Gabi and Sofia grunting)
395
00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:04,103
I'm so sorry.
396
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,273
Sofia? What are you doing here?
397
00:15:06,274 --> 00:15:08,476
Oh my God. The gloves.
398
00:15:09,330 --> 00:15:10,965
You are a sandwich!
399
00:15:10,966 --> 00:15:12,100
I was gonna tell you,
400
00:15:12,101 --> 00:15:13,503
but Gabi made me swear not to.
401
00:15:13,504 --> 00:15:15,105
What?
402
00:15:15,106 --> 00:15:16,708
All right, you can't pin this all on me.
403
00:15:16,709 --> 00:15:19,378
This never would have happened if you
didn't lie to me on your HeyCupid profile.
404
00:15:19,611 --> 00:15:22,214
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back it up, sista.
405
00:15:23,494 --> 00:15:24,929
Profile?
406
00:15:24,930 --> 00:15:26,745
I thought you said he
was a friend of Cooper's.
407
00:15:27,328 --> 00:15:28,729
Uh...
408
00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:31,497
Okay. Listen, I'm-I'm just
gonna come clean. Okay?
409
00:15:32,521 --> 00:15:33,789
Cooper went on HeyCupid...
410
00:15:33,789 --> 00:15:36,258
- Gabi.
- I'm sorry.
411
00:15:36,258 --> 00:15:37,993
I set you up with a fake dating profile,
412
00:15:37,993 --> 00:15:39,962
'cause I wanted you to
find the perfect guy.
413
00:15:39,962 --> 00:15:41,029
Oh my God.
414
00:15:41,029 --> 00:15:43,465
You know, this is too much...
415
00:15:43,465 --> 00:15:44,866
Even for you.
416
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:48,915
You're lucky this doesn't
have a middle finger!
417
00:15:48,916 --> 00:15:49,852
(Gasps)
418
00:15:51,253 --> 00:15:53,077
Everyone's talking about this place.
419
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:53,950
(Both chuckle)
420
00:15:53,951 --> 00:15:55,906
And the food looks good.
421
00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:59,207
Oh, the porterhouse steak sounds awesome.
422
00:15:59,207 --> 00:16:02,577
Oh, but the Chinese
chicken salad looks delish!
423
00:16:04,379 --> 00:16:06,147
So you can go either way, huh?
424
00:16:06,147 --> 00:16:07,148
I sure can.
425
00:16:08,483 --> 00:16:10,318
I think I'll have the salad.
426
00:16:10,318 --> 00:16:12,020
I love an Asian dressing.
427
00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:13,042
(Giggles)
428
00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:14,511
And undressing.
429
00:16:16,211 --> 00:16:17,240
(Forced chuckle)
430
00:16:17,241 --> 00:16:18,809
Bop, bop, bop.
431
00:16:20,642 --> 00:16:22,192
(Marco's voice) Let's hurry and order.
432
00:16:22,193 --> 00:16:23,517
The sooner we eat,
433
00:16:23,518 --> 00:16:25,921
the sooner we can burn off these calories.
434
00:16:26,284 --> 00:16:27,785
Oh, hell no, Elliot!
435
00:16:28,818 --> 00:16:29,817
Elliot?
436
00:16:30,103 --> 00:16:31,241
Oh.
437
00:16:31,586 --> 00:16:33,548
I see what this is about.
438
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,082
He told you we used to date
439
00:16:35,083 --> 00:16:37,152
and it freaks you out
that I've been with men.
440
00:16:37,203 --> 00:16:39,240
Oh, no, no.
441
00:16:39,241 --> 00:16:41,944
I-I'm cool with that. I mean,
whatever floats your boat.
442
00:16:42,484 --> 00:16:44,185
But Elliot?
443
00:16:44,185 --> 00:16:47,255
Let's leave the past in the past.
444
00:16:47,255 --> 00:16:51,307
Tonight is just you and me.
445
00:16:51,308 --> 00:16:53,163
(Giggles) Oh, you're right.
446
00:16:53,164 --> 00:16:54,599
I'm being silly.
447
00:16:55,393 --> 00:16:57,094
Mmm.
448
00:16:57,457 --> 00:16:58,269
Ah!
449
00:16:58,923 --> 00:16:59,924
I can't.
450
00:16:59,924 --> 00:17:01,926
I'm sorry, Elliot... I mean, Marco...
451
00:17:01,926 --> 00:17:04,162
El Marco. Bye!
452
00:17:08,009 --> 00:17:10,678
This whole Caroline thing just
really screwed with my head.
453
00:17:10,678 --> 00:17:12,284
I need to work out some frustration.
454
00:17:12,285 --> 00:17:14,487
Couldn't you just drink, like my dad?
455
00:17:14,506 --> 00:17:16,675
I mean, it was so stupid.
456
00:17:16,676 --> 00:17:18,578
I don't even have feelings for her anymore.
457
00:17:18,748 --> 00:17:20,082
It meant nothing.
458
00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:20,934
Ouch!
459
00:17:20,935 --> 00:17:22,709
Yeah, I know. It sounds
harsh, but it's true.
460
00:17:22,710 --> 00:17:24,647
She was never right for me.
None of these girls were.
461
00:17:24,648 --> 00:17:26,350
Why do I keep hooking
up with all these women?
462
00:17:26,351 --> 00:17:28,353
(Panting) Okay, you need to stop.
463
00:17:28,354 --> 00:17:30,523
I wish I could, Elliot. I wish I could.
464
00:17:30,524 --> 00:17:31,858
(Groans) It hurts!
465
00:17:31,859 --> 00:17:36,010
You're damn right, it does, but maybe
I bury this pain by sleeping around.
466
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,079
Why are you doing this?
467
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:38,949
Maybe because I want that feeling, Elliot.
468
00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:41,085
The feeling you get when
you're excited about somebody,
469
00:17:41,086 --> 00:17:42,221
when you can't get enough of them.
470
00:17:42,222 --> 00:17:43,597
When all you do is think about them...
471
00:17:43,598 --> 00:17:44,784
The way I feel about Gabi.
472
00:17:44,953 --> 00:17:46,096
- Gabi?
- Oof!
473
00:17:48,224 --> 00:17:49,726
Oh my God, that's it.
474
00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:52,158
I still have feelings for Gabi.
475
00:17:53,178 --> 00:17:54,212
(Sighs)
476
00:17:54,387 --> 00:17:55,588
Now what?
477
00:17:56,207 --> 00:17:57,675
Call 911.
478
00:18:03,776 --> 00:18:06,178
Even though I am eating
this sundae you made
479
00:18:06,178 --> 00:18:08,180
to buy back my friendship,
480
00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:10,182
it does not mean that I have forgiven you.
481
00:18:10,182 --> 00:18:12,718
Sofia, I noticed that you are
482
00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:15,721
picking out and not eating the almonds.
483
00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:17,590
(Clears throat) Let me
stop you right there.
484
00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:20,759
I know what you're doing.
485
00:18:20,759 --> 00:18:22,828
You put almonds in my sundae,
486
00:18:22,828 --> 00:18:24,630
knowing that I do not like them,
487
00:18:24,630 --> 00:18:26,732
because even though the
sundae's not perfect,
488
00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:28,100
I'll love it anyway.
489
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,803
Oh, did you pick up on that?
490
00:18:30,803 --> 00:18:33,604
And it's not gonna work
because a sundae isn't a person,
491
00:18:33,605 --> 00:18:36,841
unless you're planning to set me up
with a person who dresses like a sundae.
492
00:18:37,973 --> 00:18:40,541
Let me ask you something.
Who's the biggest disaster
493
00:18:40,542 --> 00:18:41,617
you've ever met in your whole life?
494
00:18:41,618 --> 00:18:42,619
You.
495
00:18:43,529 --> 00:18:45,368
Okay, first off, you
answered that too fast.
496
00:18:45,942 --> 00:18:47,617
And second,
497
00:18:47,848 --> 00:18:49,439
despite what happened today,
498
00:18:49,439 --> 00:18:50,473
do you love me?
499
00:18:51,541 --> 00:18:53,243
(Sighs) Of course I do.
500
00:18:53,243 --> 00:18:55,893
Well, then why is it you
can accept all of my flaws
501
00:18:55,894 --> 00:18:58,625
and still love me, but you can't
do that with the guys that you date?
502
00:18:58,757 --> 00:18:59,775
I don't know.
503
00:18:59,776 --> 00:19:02,332
It's j... it's just different with guys.
504
00:19:02,452 --> 00:19:04,287
Oh, is it?
505
00:19:05,522 --> 00:19:07,858
Yes, I mean, they're...
506
00:19:07,858 --> 00:19:09,526
They're like...
507
00:19:09,526 --> 00:19:11,294
They do... (Sighs)
508
00:19:12,662 --> 00:19:14,397
Wow, that's a really good point.
509
00:19:15,498 --> 00:19:17,601
Well, let me ask you another question.
510
00:19:17,601 --> 00:19:20,303
Would you still love
me if I was a sandwich?
511
00:19:21,671 --> 00:19:23,473
Oh my God.
512
00:19:27,152 --> 00:19:28,645
My plan has worked.
513
00:19:35,552 --> 00:19:36,653
Ruben!
514
00:19:51,268 --> 00:19:52,469
Oh!
515
00:19:52,469 --> 00:19:54,871
I am... I am so, so sorry!
516
00:19:54,871 --> 00:19:56,740
I really like you,
517
00:19:56,740 --> 00:19:59,209
and I don't care if you're a sandwich.
518
00:19:59,209 --> 00:20:01,478
We just won't tell my parents.
519
00:20:01,478 --> 00:20:03,079
Oh, please tell me I have the right one.
520
00:20:05,315 --> 00:20:06,583
Yeah, you do.
521
00:20:06,583 --> 00:20:08,318
Thank God!
522
00:20:14,085 --> 00:20:15,854
Marco, I had a feeling you'd call.
523
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:18,715
I just wanted to make up
for the Madonna concert.
524
00:20:18,715 --> 00:20:21,318
Papa don't mean to preach,
but I have a boyfriend.
525
00:20:21,789 --> 00:20:23,340
I just thought that since you're here,
526
00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:25,975
you and your boyfriend aren't exclusive.
527
00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:27,935
It's just a drink.
528
00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:31,249
Yeah, that's what you
said the night we met.
529
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,017
(Marco's voice) Look me in the eye
530
00:20:34,017 --> 00:20:36,878
and tell me that you're
not attracted to me, baby.
531
00:20:36,879 --> 00:20:39,531
That you don't want a big slice of this.
532
00:20:39,743 --> 00:20:41,143
Ah!
533
00:20:41,187 --> 00:20:42,678
Sorry, I can't do this!
534
00:20:42,678 --> 00:20:44,911
Marco... Yolanda... Malanda.
535
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,118
Bye!
536
00:20:46,118 --> 00:20:47,747
Sync & corrections by PetaG
- www.addic7ed.com -
537
00:20:47,797 --> 00:20:52,347
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36832
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