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1
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2
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Elliot, stop giving me your "you're
totally gonna mess this up" stare.
3
00:00:07,548 --> 00:00:11,142
Then You stop making your "I'm
totally gonna mess this up" face.
4
00:00:11,143 --> 00:00:13,058
(Laughs)
5
00:00:13,059 --> 00:00:17,166
Do you know how important this is?
Logan Rawlings is coming to dinner.
6
00:00:17,167 --> 00:00:18,935
We are talking about the editor of...
7
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,352
- San Francisco Monthly...
- San Francisco Monthly,
8
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:22,892
she decides who gets on
the "Thirty Under Thirty" list.
9
00:00:22,893 --> 00:00:23,892
(Laughs)
10
00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:25,734
We know, Elliot.
You talk about that list
11
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:28,179
more than you talk about
your dream date with Anderson Cooper.
12
00:00:29,718 --> 00:00:32,852
And if Josh doesn't get on
the list, he'll be devastated!
13
00:00:32,984 --> 00:00:35,202
He's twenty-nine, this is his last shot.
14
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,138
Imagine the pressure he's under.
15
00:00:37,189 --> 00:00:40,141
Elliot, why don't you be a
little less crouching tiger,
16
00:00:40,192 --> 00:00:42,193
and a little more hidden dragon?
17
00:00:44,313 --> 00:00:46,397
What's going on?
18
00:00:46,399 --> 00:00:49,150
Hey, Josh, everything's under control.
19
00:00:49,201 --> 00:00:51,202
Okay, good. Because do you
know how important this is?
20
00:00:51,277 --> 00:00:54,054
- Logan rawlings...
- (Laughs) We know! We know!
21
00:00:55,459 --> 00:00:58,619
Do you also know how devastated Elliot
will be if I don't get on this list?
22
00:00:59,454 --> 00:01:02,088
I'm twenty-nine, he's my
publicist. This is his last shot.
23
00:01:02,902 --> 00:01:04,257
Can you imagine the pressure he's under?
24
00:01:04,596 --> 00:01:06,696
Yeah, I live paycheck to paycheck.
25
00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:08,598
I know a thing or two about pressure.
26
00:01:09,766 --> 00:01:11,651
Will you let her finish cooking?
27
00:01:11,685 --> 00:01:12,685
- (Doorbell rings)
- She's here!
28
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Hi, I'm Logan. And I'm not in
the mood to explain my tattoos.
29
00:01:22,112 --> 00:01:25,481
I'm Yolanda. And I'm not in
the mood to show you mine.
30
00:01:28,118 --> 00:01:33,323
Elliot Park. An honor to meet San
Francisco's legendary taste-maker.
31
00:01:33,325 --> 00:01:35,325
Aw, I hate kiss-asses.
32
00:01:36,493 --> 00:01:39,495
Almost as much as I love them. Two times.
33
00:01:42,216 --> 00:01:44,467
Wow. Look at this place.
34
00:01:44,501 --> 00:01:49,255
Painting, love. View, love.
35
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Pillow, hate.
36
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That's why they call it a throw pillow.
37
00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:02,435
Can I interest you in
a Cinnamon Toast-Tini
38
00:02:02,519 --> 00:02:04,354
with actual crushed-up Cinnamon Toast?
39
00:02:04,356 --> 00:02:07,190
Doubtful.
40
00:02:07,192 --> 00:02:10,426
Mmmm. I want a recipe, a photo and another.
41
00:02:11,445 --> 00:02:13,196
And here's the man of the hour!
42
00:02:13,247 --> 00:02:16,366
Good evening, Logan.
Welcome to Casa Kaminski.
43
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Cheers.
44
00:02:19,253 --> 00:02:20,253
(Laughs)
45
00:02:20,287 --> 00:02:22,205
Wow. Impressive.
46
00:02:22,256 --> 00:02:23,506
Yep. That coulda gone either way.
47
00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:25,291
Glad it went the good way.
48
00:02:25,342 --> 00:02:28,094
You know, I have to say, you're
the most handsome tech guy
49
00:02:28,128 --> 00:02:29,178
I've interviewed for my list.
50
00:02:29,213 --> 00:02:31,264
Oh, well, I have to say,
51
00:02:31,298 --> 00:02:34,183
can you repeat that into my phone
so I can use it as a ringtone?
52
00:02:34,218 --> 00:02:36,185
(Laughs loudly)
53
00:02:38,389 --> 00:02:40,273
May I escort you to the terrace?
54
00:02:42,226 --> 00:02:44,227
Oh, what's this?
55
00:02:44,278 --> 00:02:47,313
Oh. Well, you know how at Costco
they have all those free samples?
56
00:02:47,364 --> 00:02:52,285
- I don't.
- Well, they do. (Laughs)
57
00:02:52,319 --> 00:02:54,237
And I call 'em "Stor'd'Oeuvres."
58
00:02:54,288 --> 00:02:57,206
If you take enough of
them, they make a full meal.
59
00:02:57,241 --> 00:02:59,325
And yet when I take
'em, they call security.
60
00:03:01,412 --> 00:03:04,047
Well, I thought in honor of
your "Thirty Under Thirty" list,
61
00:03:04,081 --> 00:03:07,166
I made thirty different perfect
samples of San Francisco cuisine.
62
00:03:07,217 --> 00:03:08,418
(Laughs) Get it?
63
00:03:08,469 --> 00:03:11,254
(Laughs) Yeah, I went to Harvard.
64
00:03:11,256 --> 00:03:14,090
I have a sweatshirt from there.
65
00:03:14,124 --> 00:03:17,260
Your parents must be so proud.
66
00:03:17,262 --> 00:03:18,261
Get out!
67
00:03:18,312 --> 00:03:21,147
So, tell me,
68
00:03:21,181 --> 00:03:25,268
how does a tall, handsome Internet
mogul with great hair get his start?
69
00:03:25,270 --> 00:03:27,270
Oh, the way we all do.
70
00:03:27,321 --> 00:03:30,106
You get shoved into a
locker by a football player.
71
00:03:30,157 --> 00:03:33,142
(Laughing loudly)
72
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,848
Sync and corrected by thatjulio
www.addic7ed.com
73
00:03:44,383 --> 00:03:46,422
Oh! Dinner was superb.
74
00:03:46,457 --> 00:03:49,396
That last spoon of Salted
Caramel Creme Brulee
75
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,280
was so rich it should have a Trophy Wife.
76
00:03:53,263 --> 00:03:55,098
Well, I'm sorry you have to skedaddle.
77
00:03:55,132 --> 00:03:56,466
And that I said, "skedaddle".
78
00:03:57,551 --> 00:03:59,469
Why don't I walk you out?
79
00:03:59,471 --> 00:04:01,354
- Nice meeting you.
- Nice to meet you.
80
00:04:04,058 --> 00:04:06,142
So, what do you think of my boy?
81
00:04:06,193 --> 00:04:08,444
(Laughs) Look, I don't
post my list until Friday,
82
00:04:08,479 --> 00:04:10,313
but I wouldn't worry
about it if I were you.
83
00:04:10,364 --> 00:04:12,482
- You wouldn't?
- No. He's not on it.
84
00:04:12,484 --> 00:04:17,320
But... what... you... but... why?!
85
00:04:17,322 --> 00:04:19,372
There's a lot of great candidates.
86
00:04:19,406 --> 00:04:21,157
This is San Francisco.
87
00:04:21,191 --> 00:04:23,159
You're not the only stuck-up
publicist I'm dealing with.
88
00:04:23,161 --> 00:04:28,047
No, no! There's got to
be something I can do.
89
00:04:28,082 --> 00:04:29,499
- Anything!
- Uh, nothing.
90
00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:31,250
I mean, unless you could get me a date.
91
00:04:31,301 --> 00:04:37,206
Oh, believe me, no one knows the pain
of not having Josh more than I do.
92
00:04:37,241 --> 00:04:39,342
But, unfortunately, he's engaged.
93
00:04:39,393 --> 00:04:43,262
- Not Josh.
- (Laughs) Well, I'm flattered, Logan,
94
00:04:43,313 --> 00:04:44,514
- but I'm not really...
- Not you.
95
00:04:46,233 --> 00:04:47,483
That cute little blonde.
96
00:04:47,518 --> 00:04:50,353
Oh.
97
00:04:51,355 --> 00:04:55,358
Gabi? With the pots and pans?
98
00:04:55,409 --> 00:04:58,161
And the cute dimples and great legs.
99
00:04:59,246 --> 00:05:01,330
Any chance she's single and gay?
100
00:05:01,365 --> 00:05:04,250
Uh, she's definitely single.
101
00:05:06,036 --> 00:05:09,422
And now that I think about it,
she doesn't have a girlfriend.
102
00:05:11,208 --> 00:05:13,459
- You don't say?
- Oh, I say.
103
00:05:13,510 --> 00:05:17,013
I say because it's true.
104
00:05:19,049 --> 00:05:22,051
You put Josh on your
"Thirty Under Thirty" list
105
00:05:22,102 --> 00:05:25,388
and I'll put Gabi on
your "Girl-Under-Girl list.
106
00:05:28,392 --> 00:05:31,227
- Deal.
- (Elevator dings)
107
00:05:31,278 --> 00:05:34,397
Crushed it! List made.
108
00:05:34,399 --> 00:05:36,115
What's the good news, my man?
109
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,368
Logan found someone in
this room very impressive.
110
00:05:39,403 --> 00:05:41,287
Yes!
111
00:05:41,321 --> 00:05:43,406
Thirty Under Thirty!
112
00:05:43,408 --> 00:05:45,158
I'm gonna go call Caroline
and tell her the good news.
113
00:05:45,209 --> 00:05:48,411
You do that! Go you! Whoo-hoo!
114
00:05:48,462 --> 00:05:51,164
- We have a situation.
- We do?
115
00:05:51,215 --> 00:05:55,084
Josh is not the shoo-in he thinks
he is. The competition is very stiff.
116
00:05:55,086 --> 00:05:57,286
Oh! Why does the competition
always have to be stiff?
117
00:05:57,321 --> 00:05:59,055
- Why can't it be limp and...
- Zip it!
118
00:05:59,089 --> 00:06:01,090
- Sorry!
- Here's the deal.
119
00:06:01,141 --> 00:06:05,094
I made arrangements for you to take
Logan out to drinks and talk Josh up.
120
00:06:05,096 --> 00:06:07,096
(Scoffs) Me? Why me?
121
00:06:07,147 --> 00:06:12,443
For reasons I cannot explain,
Logan has taken a liking to you.
122
00:06:12,445 --> 00:06:15,112
Maybe it's your cooking, your style.
123
00:06:15,164 --> 00:06:18,416
Or the fact that you're a
woman and she wants a woman...
124
00:06:18,450 --> 00:06:21,319
...'s point of view.
125
00:06:21,353 --> 00:06:24,222
How cool is that! Okay, I'm in.
126
00:06:24,256 --> 00:06:26,174
For free drinks, I'd even talk you up.
127
00:06:28,460 --> 00:06:30,461
Just don't forget to flatter her.
128
00:06:30,463 --> 00:06:32,296
Oh, you got it.
129
00:06:32,347 --> 00:06:35,132
For Josh, I will charm the pants off her.
130
00:06:35,134 --> 00:06:37,134
That is what I'm hoping.
131
00:06:37,757 --> 00:06:41,334
132
00:06:42,510 --> 00:06:44,627
God, you smell good. What is it?
133
00:06:44,629 --> 00:06:46,679
Oh, it's the September Issue of Vogue.
134
00:06:46,714 --> 00:06:48,598
I just put it on the floor and rollroun it.
135
00:06:50,384 --> 00:06:52,435
A natural blonde and a sense of humor?
136
00:06:52,469 --> 00:06:53,803
- You're a dream.
- (Chuckles)
137
00:06:53,837 --> 00:06:55,388
I'm so glad you wanted to go out.
138
00:06:55,439 --> 00:06:56,806
Are you kidding? I'm so flattered.
139
00:06:56,857 --> 00:06:59,342
You're the most successful
woman I've ever been out with.
140
00:06:59,376 --> 00:07:01,394
Look, I hope you're not intimidated by me.
141
00:07:01,445 --> 00:07:03,396
I just want you to be
able to tell me anything.
142
00:07:03,447 --> 00:07:06,316
Let me just start off by
saying Josh is amazing.
143
00:07:06,367 --> 00:07:10,486
I mean, for somebody who's famous for
creating award-winning apps and software,
144
00:07:10,488 --> 00:07:11,738
- he's totally down to...
- Enough about Josh.
145
00:07:11,789 --> 00:07:14,374
earth.
146
00:07:14,408 --> 00:07:18,461
- Okay, can I tell you one more... thing?
- Shhh. Shhh. Shhhhhhh!
147
00:07:18,495 --> 00:07:21,631
My mom used to do this to me
when I talked too much. (Laughs)
148
00:07:21,665 --> 00:07:24,500
I just wanted to change the subject.
149
00:07:24,502 --> 00:07:26,636
Mom never did that.
150
00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:30,673
Um, what exactly did
Elliot tell you about me?
151
00:07:30,724 --> 00:07:34,561
Just that you were
single and I had a chance.
152
00:07:34,595 --> 00:07:36,579
(Laughs nervously)
153
00:07:38,349 --> 00:07:39,766
You know what? I could really use a drink.
154
00:07:39,817 --> 00:07:41,734
How about a scotch on the rocks?
155
00:07:41,769 --> 00:07:45,688
Oh! You're just like me.
I love a good hard liquor.
156
00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:54,614
(Phone rings)
157
00:07:56,784 --> 00:07:58,835
Gabi, my favorite Chef, how's it going?
158
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:03,740
Elliot, you set me up
on a date with a woman?
159
00:08:03,757 --> 00:08:08,645
- I am not gay!
- I said that about myself for years.
160
00:08:08,679 --> 00:08:10,597
What were you thinking?
161
00:08:10,631 --> 00:08:14,384
Josh wasn't going to get on the list
unless you went on a date with Logan.
162
00:08:14,386 --> 00:08:15,718
She made that very clear.
163
00:08:15,753 --> 00:08:17,720
Why didn't you just tell
me that from the start?
164
00:08:17,771 --> 00:08:20,773
If I'd asked you to go on a
lesbian date, would you have gone?
165
00:08:20,808 --> 00:08:22,558
No!
166
00:08:22,610 --> 00:08:24,594
You gave me no choice then, did you?
167
00:08:25,646 --> 00:08:28,364
Look, you're Josh's last chance.
168
00:08:28,399 --> 00:08:33,786
So be funny, kiss her ass, or any other
body part you feel comfortable with.
169
00:08:34,221 --> 00:08:38,140
Elliot, I hate you so much right now.
170
00:08:38,191 --> 00:08:39,875
The next time I
see you, I'm gonna...
171
00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:43,863
- Hey! (Laughs)
- God, you're cute.
172
00:08:43,897 --> 00:08:47,817
(Chuckles) No, I'm not! You
should see me without makeup.
173
00:08:47,868 --> 00:08:51,954
- Arf, arf.
- I bet you're fetching. Get it?
174
00:08:51,988 --> 00:08:55,157
Remember that time where you said
that we could take things slow?
175
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:57,993
Oh, you don't? I do. (Chuckles nervously)
176
00:08:58,045 --> 00:09:00,746
Done. You know what? Listen.
Let's just take sex off the table.
177
00:09:00,797 --> 00:09:05,134
(Coughs) Yes, let's take
it off all the surfaces.
178
00:09:05,168 --> 00:09:07,308
I mean, I think on a first date
179
00:09:07,309 --> 00:09:09,843
- all you really need to do is kiss.
- Talk!
180
00:09:09,844 --> 00:09:11,841
I mean, how else do you
get to know each other
181
00:09:11,892 --> 00:09:13,175
- if you don't kiss...
- talk. I think...
182
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:15,177
I think talking is
really the way to go here.
183
00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:17,730
You know, with talking... I
wanna know more about you!
184
00:09:17,764 --> 00:09:19,849
You know, like, what makes
you laugh? What makes you cry?
185
00:09:19,900 --> 00:09:22,068
Do you recycle? Have you
been to Washington, DC?
186
00:09:24,738 --> 00:09:26,856
Logan, I can't do this.
187
00:09:26,907 --> 00:09:28,991
I'm really sorry.
188
00:09:29,025 --> 00:09:31,026
I thought we were having fun.
189
00:09:31,078 --> 00:09:34,864
- Don't you find me attractive?
- Yeah, totally. You're beautiful.
190
00:09:34,915 --> 00:09:38,701
And if I were into girls,
right now we would be planning
191
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:41,036
our fly-fishing honeymoon trip to Montana.
192
00:09:41,088 --> 00:09:42,838
Whoop!
193
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,125
- Wait, you're straight?
- Oh, so straight.
194
00:09:46,176 --> 00:09:49,879
Well, then why did Elliot
tell me that you were...
195
00:09:49,930 --> 00:09:54,183
oh, God, to get Josh on the list.
196
00:09:54,217 --> 00:09:56,886
Yeah. Listen, I didn't
even know this was a date,
197
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:58,971
until your hand was on my thigh.
198
00:10:00,056 --> 00:10:02,057
Though I probably should've
199
00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:06,112
realized that sooner, considering
there's only women here.
200
00:10:06,146 --> 00:10:08,898
This is one of the most
humiliating moments of my life.
201
00:10:08,949 --> 00:10:13,986
- Oh, man. Logan, I feel terrible.
-It's not your fault. It's my therapist.
202
00:10:14,037 --> 00:10:18,040
My girlfriend just broke up with me
and he told me to get back out there.
203
00:10:18,074 --> 00:10:20,075
(Sobbing) As you can see,
it's going really well.
204
00:10:20,127 --> 00:10:22,211
No, no, don't... don't
cry. It's gonna be okay.
205
00:10:22,245 --> 00:10:25,247
We were together for two years, and
then she dumped me out of nowhere.
206
00:10:25,298 --> 00:10:28,217
And she won't answer my calls or my texts,
207
00:10:28,251 --> 00:10:29,919
and she won't even pick up her stuff.
208
00:10:31,087 --> 00:10:32,171
How much stuff are we talkin'?
209
00:10:32,222 --> 00:10:35,090
A lot. Not to mention her cat.
210
00:10:35,142 --> 00:10:39,895
She left her cat? You wanna know why?
211
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,981
Because it has one eye and wears a diaper?
212
00:10:42,015 --> 00:10:44,934
No. Because she wants
a reason to come back.
213
00:10:44,985 --> 00:10:47,820
- She does?
- Yeah, she left a door open.
214
00:10:47,854 --> 00:10:49,205
A little kitty door.
215
00:10:49,239 --> 00:10:50,990
I'm gonna push her through it.
216
00:10:51,024 --> 00:10:52,942
How are you going to do that?
217
00:10:52,993 --> 00:10:55,161
You're going on a date with a lesbian?
218
00:10:55,195 --> 00:10:57,947
Well, technically, I've already
been on a date with a lesbian.
219
00:10:57,981 --> 00:10:59,949
This would be the second.
220
00:10:59,983 --> 00:11:01,834
We just did drinks, and now
we're moving on to dinner.
221
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,086
Oh, you must really like her.
222
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:08,451
Ha-ha. This time we're just doing it so
we can make Logan's ex-girlfriend jealous
223
00:11:08,452 --> 00:11:10,871
so she can get her back,
in exchange for Josh getting
224
00:11:10,872 --> 00:11:12,143
on her "Thirty Under Thirty" list.
225
00:11:12,178 --> 00:11:15,130
Wow. I went to work today,
made Hazelnut coffee,
226
00:11:15,182 --> 00:11:17,967
a couple phone calls, had
my boss's shoes resoled.
227
00:11:18,018 --> 00:11:21,136
You went to work and had two
lesbian dates with Logan Rawlings,
228
00:11:21,171 --> 00:11:23,138
the editor of San Francisco Monthly.
229
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:24,974
How crazy and glamorous is your life?
230
00:11:25,025 --> 00:11:28,811
(Chuckles) I know. Oh, and make
sure you don't eat anything,
231
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,062
because I know we're gonna
go someplace really fancy
232
00:11:30,113 --> 00:11:31,814
and I'll bring you back a nice entree.
233
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:34,149
- Ooh, and an overpriced dessert?
- Duh.
234
00:11:34,201 --> 00:11:36,235
Okay. Now, do I look hot?
235
00:11:36,286 --> 00:11:40,122
If you were somebody's ex-girlfriend and
you saw her walk in with me wearing this,
236
00:11:40,156 --> 00:11:43,158
- would you wanna get her back?
- Mmm, depends.
237
00:11:43,210 --> 00:11:45,878
Why did we break up? Have we
really worked through our issues?
238
00:11:45,912 --> 00:11:48,214
Has she changed? Because I
don't want to end up with her
239
00:11:48,248 --> 00:11:49,999
in the same place a year from now.
240
00:11:51,968 --> 00:11:56,005
- Tell me I look hot!
- You look hot. I won't wait up.
241
00:12:01,845 --> 00:12:04,847
(Laughs) I can't believe your ex
works at Judy Green's restaurant.
242
00:12:04,931 --> 00:12:06,815
She's like the coolest
Chef in San Francisco.
243
00:12:06,850 --> 00:12:07,900
I've been dying to come here.
244
00:12:07,934 --> 00:12:09,902
My ex is Judy Green.
245
00:12:11,771 --> 00:12:14,023
What?! You got dumped by Judy Green?
246
00:12:14,074 --> 00:12:15,024
That is so cool!
247
00:12:16,993 --> 00:12:19,111
My usual table.
248
00:12:19,162 --> 00:12:23,782
Um, you're paying, right? I
could never afford to eat here.
249
00:12:23,833 --> 00:12:26,035
I know. I saw your place
when I picked you up.
250
00:12:28,204 --> 00:12:30,956
Oh, this is great. We can see
the kitchen window from here.
251
00:12:31,007 --> 00:12:32,841
(Gasps) And there's Judy.
252
00:12:32,876 --> 00:12:35,210
Stuffing those sausages
without a hint of irony.
253
00:12:36,963 --> 00:12:39,882
- Isn't she pretty?
- Yes, but you're prettier.
254
00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:41,884
Okay, now all we have to
do is get her attention.
255
00:12:41,935 --> 00:12:45,888
Whatever I say, laugh like
I'm hilarious and adorable.
256
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:49,942
I'm ordering two appetizers
and an entree for my friend.
257
00:12:49,976 --> 00:12:52,962
(Forced laughter)
258
00:12:52,996 --> 00:12:55,948
- She's not looking.
- Okay, you're a little impatient.
259
00:12:55,982 --> 00:12:58,984
I can see why Judy might've left.
260
00:12:59,035 --> 00:13:01,203
- Hey!
- I'm sorry.
261
00:13:01,237 --> 00:13:04,156
Okay, let's kick it up a
notch. Take a selfie of us.
262
00:13:04,207 --> 00:13:05,824
Ooh, I like your phone case.
263
00:13:05,875 --> 00:13:07,743
Gwen Stefani gave it to me.
264
00:13:09,879 --> 00:13:11,914
(Camera shutter clicks)
265
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:15,050
Okay. Now tweet it and write
"hashtag best date ever"
266
00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:17,970
with three dancing heart emojis.
267
00:13:18,004 --> 00:13:22,091
In high school, they used
to call me emoji-wan Kenobi.
268
00:13:22,142 --> 00:13:24,193
- (Phone makes whistling sound)
- Logan: She's not looking.
269
00:13:24,227 --> 00:13:26,145
I don't think she has
a phone in the kitchen.
270
00:13:26,179 --> 00:13:28,931
- What are we gonna do now?
- All right, don't worry.
271
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:32,034
I have one more trick up my sleeve. Judy!
272
00:13:34,070 --> 00:13:35,938
See? Works every time.
273
00:13:41,845 --> 00:13:43,962
Bam!
274
00:13:44,014 --> 00:13:47,016
I just pre-ordered five hundred
copies of San Francisco Monthly.
275
00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:49,218
You know that old saying,
276
00:13:49,269 --> 00:13:52,187
"don't buy a bunch of magazines
before you make the list?"
277
00:13:52,222 --> 00:13:55,958
- (Laughs) Yeah, okay.
- (Phone makes whistling sound)
278
00:13:55,992 --> 00:14:00,062
It's a tweet from Logan. Maybe giving
me a little sneak peek of the list.
279
00:14:00,064 --> 00:14:04,133
- What the hell is this?
- It's hot tea. You asked me to get it.
280
00:14:04,167 --> 00:14:06,035
Not that. This!
281
00:14:06,069 --> 00:14:09,788
Oh! (Stammering) That's...
that's called a "selfie".
282
00:14:09,823 --> 00:14:11,073
All the kids are doing it.
283
00:14:11,075 --> 00:14:13,208
Yeah but why are Logan and
Gabi doing it, together?
284
00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:16,995
Do any of us really know
why anyone does anything?
285
00:14:17,047 --> 00:14:20,249
It says, "hashtag best date ever".
286
00:14:20,283 --> 00:14:23,952
Oh, hashtag I did not see that coming.
287
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:28,090
Elliot, what's going on?
288
00:14:28,092 --> 00:14:30,893
That's exactly what I would like to know.
289
00:14:30,927 --> 00:14:34,096
As soon as Gabi gets here tomorrow,
that's my first question for that girl.
290
00:14:35,298 --> 00:14:38,100
- I'm calling her.
- No!
291
00:14:38,151 --> 00:14:41,937
Look, I didn't want to have to tell you
this, but you weren't getting on the list.
292
00:14:41,939 --> 00:14:42,911
What?
293
00:14:42,912 --> 00:14:46,228
Which is why Gabi decided
to go on a date with Logan.
294
00:14:46,876 --> 00:14:49,828
She wanted to do everything
she could to make it happen.
295
00:14:49,863 --> 00:14:54,032
- I couldn't stop her.
- Oh, please!
296
00:14:54,084 --> 00:14:57,035
Let me get some bread
to go with that bologna!
297
00:14:58,872 --> 00:15:00,122
You pimped out my Chef?
298
00:15:00,156 --> 00:15:02,991
Yes! And I did it for you!
299
00:15:03,009 --> 00:15:05,761
For me? You mean for you.
300
00:15:05,795 --> 00:15:07,963
Because you're the one who's been
obsessed with getting me on that list.
301
00:15:08,031 --> 00:15:09,765
And I told you I didn't care about it!
302
00:15:09,799 --> 00:15:14,642
Oh, please. You just bought five hundred
copies of a magazine you're not even in!
303
00:15:14,643 --> 00:15:17,513
Admit it. You both wanted
to get on that list.
304
00:15:17,808 --> 00:15:20,008
- Both: For him!
- What about her?
305
00:15:20,043 --> 00:15:21,860
- Both: Who?
- Gabi!
306
00:15:21,895 --> 00:15:23,979
Oh!
307
00:15:24,013 --> 00:15:26,115
(Laughs)
308
00:15:26,149 --> 00:15:30,152
At least when Josh fires you,
you can add pimp to your resume.
309
00:15:30,858 --> 00:15:34,448
310
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,102
- Why isn't she coming over here?
- Oh, she will.
311
00:15:39,136 --> 00:15:42,221
Now, you feed me a bite and I'll feed you.
312
00:15:45,426 --> 00:15:48,344
Oh, my God, that is so good!
313
00:15:48,395 --> 00:15:51,347
You know what's really gonna bug
her? You just keep feeding me.
314
00:15:56,103 --> 00:15:58,237
She's coming over here! What do we do?
315
00:15:58,272 --> 00:16:00,189
Um, okay, don't worry.
316
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,191
Sit back, let my plan play out.
317
00:16:02,226 --> 00:16:06,079
She's gonna come over, get super mad,
say she wants you back, and kick me out.
318
00:16:06,113 --> 00:16:09,082
So I'm just gonna keep eating
while I have the chance.
319
00:16:09,116 --> 00:16:12,035
Logan, what are you doing?
Is this some pathetic attempt
320
00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:15,338
- at making me jealous?
- That depends. Is it working?
321
00:16:17,007 --> 00:16:18,341
Logan? Hey, Gabi.
322
00:16:18,375 --> 00:16:22,378
- Uh, Josh, what are you doing here?
- Saving you.
323
00:16:22,429 --> 00:16:25,098
Look, you don't have to pretend to
be a lesbian to get me on the list.
324
00:16:25,132 --> 00:16:26,966
- Uh-oh.
- You're straight?
325
00:16:27,017 --> 00:16:31,220
No! Jeez, somebody's gaydar's on the Fritz!
326
00:16:31,255 --> 00:16:32,939
I think you're the one who's straight.
327
00:16:32,973 --> 00:16:37,110
I love women and boobs
and chopping firewood.
328
00:16:37,144 --> 00:16:39,112
Then what's he talking about?
329
00:16:39,146 --> 00:16:42,165
I don't know. He's just
some jealous ex-boyfriend.
330
00:16:42,199 --> 00:16:44,283
He's the person that I slept
with who made me realize
331
00:16:44,318 --> 00:16:48,237
that I am so over men and
way into the lady business.
332
00:16:48,288 --> 00:16:51,157
- Oh, God.
- I don't know what's happening.
333
00:16:51,208 --> 00:16:54,127
I do. This is a ruse.
334
00:16:54,129 --> 00:16:57,213
- You're not gay.
- Oh, yeah?
335
00:17:06,023 --> 00:17:08,975
Oh, my God. I do. You are on a date?
336
00:17:09,009 --> 00:17:11,260
How could you do this to me?!
You never had time for me.
337
00:17:11,295 --> 00:17:13,346
And now you bring another
woman into my restaurant?
338
00:17:13,397 --> 00:17:17,150
Oh, please! You're the one who left
me so you could focus on your career.
339
00:17:17,184 --> 00:17:20,403
How would you even know? You were
always asleep when I got home from work.
340
00:17:20,437 --> 00:17:22,152
Who goes to bed that early?
341
00:17:22,153 --> 00:17:26,943
Someone who drinks a whole bottle of syrah
waiting for her girlfriend to get home.
342
00:17:26,994 --> 00:17:30,146
I never want to see you again!
343
00:17:30,180 --> 00:17:31,114
You're dead to me!
344
00:17:35,285 --> 00:17:37,954
Great plan, Gabi. Worked like a charm.
345
00:17:37,956 --> 00:17:41,290
Well, the making her
really mad part worked.
346
00:17:46,130 --> 00:17:48,381
No. Let me get this. Please.
It's the least I can do.
347
00:17:48,432 --> 00:17:52,402
Thanks. This is the worst night of my life.
348
00:17:54,138 --> 00:17:55,972
- (Choking)
- Oh, my God, Logan!
349
00:17:55,974 --> 00:17:57,273
- Are you okay?
- I think she's choking!
350
00:17:57,307 --> 00:18:00,276
Help! Anyone! We need one of
those paddle-y-thingamadoodads!
351
00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:03,279
- That's for a heart attack!
- Logan!
352
00:18:04,982 --> 00:18:08,201
- (Coughs, pants)
- Are you okay?
353
00:18:08,235 --> 00:18:10,987
Your entire life just
flashed before my eyes!
354
00:18:11,038 --> 00:18:12,371
Judy, you just saved my life.
355
00:18:12,406 --> 00:18:17,126
Oh, God. When I said you were dead to me,
I didn't want you to really be "dead" dead.
356
00:18:17,161 --> 00:18:20,163
That's so romantic.
357
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:22,298
Next time you're drinking
from a bottle of syrah,
358
00:18:22,332 --> 00:18:24,333
it'll be a bottle I bring
home from the restaurant.
359
00:18:24,384 --> 00:18:29,222
Oh. Just be sure. I
like to go to bed early.
360
00:18:33,177 --> 00:18:36,229
Oh, on the way home tonight,
we need to buy more cat diapers.
361
00:18:36,263 --> 00:18:39,265
Oh! I've waited so long
to hear those words.
362
00:18:41,235 --> 00:18:43,402
How lucky are we that she choked?
363
00:18:43,437 --> 00:18:45,354
Pretty lucky.
364
00:18:45,405 --> 00:18:47,440
(Laughs) That was genius.
365
00:18:47,491 --> 00:18:50,409
- What was genius?
- His plan.
366
00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:54,080
What... (Gasps) No! Josh!
367
00:18:54,114 --> 00:18:56,199
I was so worried! You
had me scared to death!
368
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:58,417
(Laughs) I know. You were
great. You really sold that.
369
00:18:58,452 --> 00:19:00,336
- Thanks.
- (Mocking laugh)
370
00:19:01,371 --> 00:19:04,123
Hey, Gabi. I autographed
my cookbook for you.
371
00:19:04,174 --> 00:19:07,043
Oh, thank you! "Eating
out with Judy Green".
372
00:19:07,094 --> 00:19:08,911
Oh, that's clever.
373
00:19:10,264 --> 00:19:15,051
"Stay away from my
girlfriend or I'll cut you".
374
00:19:15,102 --> 00:19:17,270
She is lovely.
375
00:19:17,304 --> 00:19:20,106
Hey, Gabi, thanks for everything.
376
00:19:20,140 --> 00:19:25,895
Oh, sure. And just before you
go, um, not that I care, at all,
377
00:19:25,946 --> 00:19:29,398
but, you know, out of
curiosity, how was, um... um...
378
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,119
- How was the kiss?
- Garlicky.
379
00:19:34,238 --> 00:19:37,073
- But great.
- Oh, good.
380
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:38,908
And Josh, I owe you one.
381
00:19:38,959 --> 00:19:41,377
We're even.
382
00:19:41,411 --> 00:19:43,079
Seriously, I don't need to be on your list.
383
00:19:43,130 --> 00:19:45,998
Good to know. Later, guys.
384
00:19:46,049 --> 00:19:50,052
Bye! What is wrong with you?!
385
00:19:50,087 --> 00:19:51,254
"I don't need to be on the list?"
386
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,389
Do you know how hard I worked
to get you on that list?
387
00:19:53,423 --> 00:19:57,260
I went on a date with that woman, and
I gave her the best kiss of her life.
388
00:19:57,311 --> 00:19:59,095
You heard her, she raved about it!
389
00:20:01,031 --> 00:20:03,182
And I appreciate that.
390
00:20:03,233 --> 00:20:06,435
Man, did I appreciate that.
391
00:20:06,437 --> 00:20:10,106
But I realized I don't need to be
on some list to validate who I am.
392
00:20:10,140 --> 00:20:11,157
I've got a Porsche for that.
393
00:20:14,111 --> 00:20:17,029
But I can't believe what
you did for me back there.
394
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,282
So I want to do something nice for
you. Whatever you want. Name it.
395
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:25,391
- Can I drive your Porsche?
- (Laughs) Let's be real.
396
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:28,768
397
00:20:32,395 --> 00:20:33,645
Oops.
398
00:20:33,696 --> 00:20:37,532
Could you please be a dear and pass
me back that San Francisco Monthly?
399
00:20:42,372 --> 00:20:45,407
Oh! I'm such a butterfingers!
400
00:20:45,409 --> 00:20:48,243
Why don't you have a
peek at page forty-seven?
401
00:20:48,245 --> 00:20:50,328
Elliot, I'm done with the list.
402
00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:52,664
- I don't want to see it.
- Just have a little peek.
403
00:20:52,715 --> 00:20:55,417
A peekaboo. A peekaroony. A pekinese.
404
00:20:55,468 --> 00:20:58,503
I don't give a shih-tzu. I'm over it.
405
00:20:58,554 --> 00:21:01,223
Would you look at the damn magazine!
406
00:21:01,257 --> 00:21:04,426
You're number five! (Laughs)
407
00:21:04,428 --> 00:21:06,428
- No.
- No?
408
00:21:06,430 --> 00:21:08,430
- We're number five.
- Both: We did it!
409
00:21:09,515 --> 00:21:11,183
What's going on in here?
410
00:21:11,234 --> 00:21:12,317
Both: We made the list!
411
00:21:12,351 --> 00:21:13,351
We did it!
412
00:21:13,403 --> 00:21:16,605
Thirty Under Thirty
413
00:21:16,656 --> 00:21:19,627
Thirty Under Thirty
414
00:21:19,628 --> 00:21:21,242
_
415
00:21:21,243 --> 00:21:22,480
Gabi will face her biggest test yet.
416
00:21:22,481 --> 00:21:24,478
_
417
00:21:24,479 --> 00:21:28,018
- I can't have a baby, I'm still a baby.
- I'm sweating like a barn animal.
418
00:21:28,019 --> 00:21:29,769
If there's a bun in the oven...
419
00:21:29,770 --> 00:21:32,279
This is the longest minute of my
life. I feel like I'm throwing up.
420
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:33,546
That's not a good sign.
421
00:21:33,547 --> 00:21:35,041
Her goose is cooked.
422
00:21:35,042 --> 00:21:38,834
- Are you pregnant or not?
- I don't know, the test kinda got messed up.
423
00:21:38,835 --> 00:21:40,637
How do you mess up peeing on a stick?
424
00:21:40,638 --> 00:21:44,896
Sync and corrected by thatjulio
www.addic7ed.com
425
00:21:44,946 --> 00:21:49,496
Repair and Synchronization by
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