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1
00:00:00,087 --> 00:00:01,320
[all imitating gunfire]
2
00:00:01,362 --> 00:00:02,661
I wish this was real.
I wish this were...
3
00:00:02,763 --> 00:00:03,862
- Flamethrower... aah.
- Real life... aah!
4
00:00:05,404 --> 00:00:07,972
Hey, you know what? Knock
it off, you jagoffs.
5
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:09,940
I'm over it. Every freakin' day.
6
00:00:10,042 --> 00:00:11,442
All right. Good morning, everyone.
7
00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:12,543
- Morning.
- Well, as you can see,
8
00:00:12,645 --> 00:00:14,678
I have some good news for you.
9
00:00:14,780 --> 00:00:18,015
Looks like the Traxxas
remote-control cars came in.
10
00:00:18,117 --> 00:00:21,085
- Whoo! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
- Yes!
11
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,187
There's something else you
have to pitch this year.
12
00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:26,223
Each car comes with a
virtual-reality headset now.
13
00:00:26,325 --> 00:00:29,160
This is hooked up to some
camera that's on the dashboard,
14
00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:32,630
so you get, like, I don't know,
a car's-eye view or some shit.
15
00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:33,831
Oh, my God. So we
actually get to be, like,
16
00:00:33,933 --> 00:00:36,800
the car from the movie "Cars."
17
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:38,569
That's awesome... I call
Larry the Cable Guy.
18
00:00:38,671 --> 00:00:40,638
- Owen Wilson.
- Bonnie Hunt!
19
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:41,572
Bonnie Hunt.
20
00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:43,140
Whatever. Fine.
21
00:00:43,242 --> 00:00:44,175
Okay, I'm gonna be out of the office
22
00:00:44,277 --> 00:00:45,176
for the rest of the day.
23
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:47,144
I'm actually going to a business lunch
24
00:00:47,246 --> 00:00:50,447
at the Hard Rock Cafe
Universal CityWalk,
25
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,817
so grab these leads, Stretch,
and hey, if you have a problem,
26
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,286
some of you have my cell phone number,
27
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:56,654
but don't ever call it.
28
00:00:56,756 --> 00:00:58,856
- Do you have her cell phone?
- No.
29
00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:01,458
So, the Tactona 420 is back.
30
00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,627
- Whoo! Whoo!
- Yes!
31
00:01:03,729 --> 00:01:05,896
All right. Winner of the race
32
00:01:05,998 --> 00:01:07,731
gets this entire folder
of leads to themselves
33
00:01:07,833 --> 00:01:11,335
and the windfall of commissions
that come with it.
34
00:01:11,437 --> 00:01:12,836
Yeah, well, everybody calm down,
35
00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:16,173
'cause I think we know that
the winner is gonna be me,
36
00:01:16,275 --> 00:01:16,707
just like every year.
37
00:01:16,809 --> 00:01:17,942
Y'all ain't shit.
38
00:01:18,044 --> 00:01:19,743
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm
late to the meeting.
39
00:01:19,845 --> 00:01:20,911
- Oh, God.
- What?
40
00:01:21,013 --> 00:01:22,846
- Jillian, your...
- Oh, this.
41
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:25,115
Yeah, I was dying my hair
with cranberry juice
42
00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:26,217
in the bathroom, but one
of the bottles broke
43
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:27,451
and spilled all over me.
44
00:01:27,553 --> 00:01:29,853
- Oh.
- But then Helen,
45
00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:31,855
that old janitor lady... Uhhuh.
46
00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:34,325
Slipped in the puddle and
fell right onto the glass.
47
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:35,759
She cut a major artery.
48
00:01:35,861 --> 00:01:37,161
She was pulling at me
49
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:38,796
and just grabbing me and screaming.
50
00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:44,134
She was like, "Aah! Aah!"
51
00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:47,071
God, that story is so boring.
I'm falling asleep myself.
52
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:48,639
You have got to smell my shirt.
53
00:01:48,741 --> 00:01:51,609
[The Skinny Boys' "Jock Box"]
54
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:55,891
Synced and corrected by MasterCookie
- www.addic7ed.com -
55
00:02:00,426 --> 00:02:01,792
- Yo, Blazer.
- [clears throat]
56
00:02:01,894 --> 00:02:02,793
Did you check out the VR goggles yet?
57
00:02:02,895 --> 00:02:04,495
Because I put a camera on the car...
58
00:02:04,597 --> 00:02:07,831
Yo, guys, did you check
out our new mascot yet?
59
00:02:07,934 --> 00:02:09,500
Nipples!
60
00:02:09,602 --> 00:02:10,801
He's a rescue. He was gonna be eaten
61
00:02:10,903 --> 00:02:11,902
at the pet store by a snapping turtle,
62
00:02:12,004 --> 00:02:14,004
but I saved him, and
now he's our mascot.
63
00:02:14,106 --> 00:02:16,874
Oh, you dum-dum. 'Cause
turtles don't eat mice.
64
00:02:16,976 --> 00:02:18,676
They eat pizza, and I
think you know that.
65
00:02:18,778 --> 00:02:20,311
You've seen all of those films.
66
00:02:20,413 --> 00:02:21,812
Bill is actually a really good driver,
67
00:02:21,914 --> 00:02:25,049
and if we want to beat him,
we need to prepare to win.
68
00:02:25,985 --> 00:02:27,217
So we can get the commission money
69
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:28,652
so we can afford the knucklepuck
70
00:02:28,754 --> 00:02:29,620
that Karl stole from
Kenan Thompson's house.
71
00:02:29,722 --> 00:02:31,789
Shh! No. Okay, yes, we know
72
00:02:31,891 --> 00:02:33,791
that Karl has a
successful maid business,
73
00:02:33,893 --> 00:02:35,159
but you can't go yelling about
how he's stealing things
74
00:02:35,261 --> 00:02:37,828
from his celebrity clients.
75
00:02:37,930 --> 00:02:39,430
Look, I don't care how he got it, okay?
76
00:02:39,532 --> 00:02:42,866
All I know is that he has
an authentic knucklepuck
77
00:02:42,969 --> 00:02:45,502
from "D2: The Mighty
Ducks" in his possession.
78
00:02:45,604 --> 00:02:47,471
Would you guys stop stressing?
79
00:02:47,573 --> 00:02:49,006
We've got this, all right?
80
00:02:49,108 --> 00:02:51,175
I'm a great driver. We're a great team.
81
00:02:51,277 --> 00:02:53,410
- That's right.
- Here.
82
00:02:53,512 --> 00:02:55,312
Check out the embroidery
on those bad boys.
83
00:02:55,414 --> 00:02:57,514
- "Blake's Boys"?
- Yep.
84
00:02:57,616 --> 00:02:58,515
Dude, we're a team.
85
00:02:58,617 --> 00:03:00,517
It shouldn't say "Blake's Boys."
86
00:03:00,619 --> 00:03:02,453
It should say "Blake's Team."
87
00:03:02,555 --> 00:03:03,721
No, not "Blake's Team."
Just, it should say...
88
00:03:03,823 --> 00:03:05,789
Idiot.
89
00:03:05,891 --> 00:03:07,257
Blake, the whole personality thing
90
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,492
needs to be clicked off.
91
00:03:08,594 --> 00:03:11,028
Yep. How about you simmer down now?
92
00:03:11,130 --> 00:03:13,130
Why would I simmer down
93
00:03:13,232 --> 00:03:14,264
when I spend my whole
life being an underdog?
94
00:03:14,367 --> 00:03:17,134
I want to turn it up to a boil,
95
00:03:17,236 --> 00:03:20,304
'cause I'm gonna be doing
a lot of hotdogging.
96
00:03:20,406 --> 00:03:22,239
Where'd you get that hot dog from?
97
00:03:22,341 --> 00:03:23,907
From the coffee pot.
98
00:03:24,010 --> 00:03:26,110
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
99
00:03:26,212 --> 00:03:27,344
If you're having a bad day...
100
00:03:27,446 --> 00:03:29,179
let's say you ruined
your favorite shirt
101
00:03:29,281 --> 00:03:31,715
or you're waiting to find out
if you killed your coworker...
102
00:03:31,817 --> 00:03:33,417
well, let me tell you,
there's nothing like
103
00:03:33,519 --> 00:03:34,952
a little bleach pen and some racing
104
00:03:35,054 --> 00:03:36,754
to take your mind off of all of that.
105
00:03:36,856 --> 00:03:40,024
Welcome to the Tactona 420
preliminary qualifying race...
106
00:03:40,126 --> 00:03:43,293
the Tactona 69.
107
00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:44,728
No sign of the dudes.
108
00:03:44,830 --> 00:03:46,697
My trash talking must've
scared 'em off.
109
00:03:46,799 --> 00:03:48,966
Damn right, it did.
110
00:03:49,068 --> 00:03:51,068
Get these leads, Bill!
111
00:03:51,170 --> 00:03:53,837
[anthemic rock music]
112
00:03:53,939 --> 00:03:59,476
113
00:03:59,578 --> 00:04:01,145
Sorry.
114
00:04:01,247 --> 00:04:03,514
Yeah, you [bleep] better be,
you bald piece of shit!
115
00:04:03,616 --> 00:04:05,282
Whoa. I'm really sorry.
116
00:04:05,384 --> 00:04:06,950
That was really hurtful.
117
00:04:07,053 --> 00:04:08,218
I'm gonna just win the race, okay?
118
00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:11,488
- Drivers to the starting line.
- All right, Blake.
119
00:04:11,590 --> 00:04:14,224
The car is juiced and
ready to get loose.
120
00:04:14,326 --> 00:04:15,926
It's finely tuned.
121
00:04:16,028 --> 00:04:17,661
And it's... you got a
speech or something?
122
00:04:17,763 --> 00:04:19,963
I have a speech better than that one.
123
00:04:20,066 --> 00:04:21,031
You ready
124
00:04:21,133 --> 00:04:22,066
to get fully hyped,
125
00:04:22,168 --> 00:04:23,634
my brother?
126
00:04:23,736 --> 00:04:25,903
You got to make sure they're turned on.
127
00:04:26,005 --> 00:04:27,237
- Oh, yeah.
- Are they turned on?
128
00:04:28,307 --> 00:04:29,773
- I was saying, "Are you ready?"
- Wh-Oh, yeah. say?
129
00:04:29,875 --> 00:04:30,808
- Okay.
- Pssh, are you kidding me?
130
00:04:30,910 --> 00:04:32,910
- Yeah?
- I was born ready.
131
00:04:33,012 --> 00:04:34,645
- Cool.
- Actually, I was born red.
132
00:04:34,747 --> 00:04:36,547
Yeah, my mom, she had a yeast infection
133
00:04:36,649 --> 00:04:39,349
when she had me... I got
this terrible rash.
134
00:04:39,452 --> 00:04:41,251
- Okay.
- Ready?
135
00:04:41,353 --> 00:04:42,820
No. No. Hey, I'm ready!
136
00:04:42,922 --> 00:04:44,321
- Okay, goggles on.
- Set.
137
00:04:44,423 --> 00:04:45,456
Go!
138
00:04:45,558 --> 00:04:46,457
139
00:04:46,559 --> 00:04:48,058
Oh.
140
00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:51,728
_
141
00:04:51,831 --> 00:04:52,696
_
142
00:04:52,798 --> 00:04:54,364
Diane's car's taken out,
143
00:04:54,467 --> 00:04:56,834
so one less car to worry about.
144
00:04:56,936 --> 00:04:59,937
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-da-da-da-da-dum
145
00:05:00,039 --> 00:05:01,538
Ba-dum, ba-dum
Whoo!
146
00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,208
Got a little pit stop. No pit stop.
147
00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:07,878
[Adam continues singing]
148
00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:15,752
149
00:05:18,057 --> 00:05:23,093
150
00:05:23,195 --> 00:05:24,461
Watch me get some air right here.
151
00:05:24,563 --> 00:05:25,996
All: Whoo!
152
00:05:26,098 --> 00:05:28,165
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum
153
00:05:28,267 --> 00:05:31,235
Ba-da-da-da-da-da
154
00:05:31,337 --> 00:05:32,269
You're doing great, Blake.
155
00:05:32,371 --> 00:05:34,004
Okay, you're seven laps
ahead of the pack.
156
00:05:34,106 --> 00:05:35,072
Just ten more laps to go, okay, buddy?
157
00:05:35,174 --> 00:05:37,141
All these laps. Not one pit stop.
158
00:05:37,243 --> 00:05:38,876
- That's okay.
- I mean, we're here to help.
159
00:05:38,978 --> 00:05:40,377
So feel free to pull over
so I can fix your brakes,
160
00:05:40,479 --> 00:05:41,845
which are probably shot.
161
00:05:41,947 --> 00:05:43,046
Yeah, we just need to
take it nice and easy.
162
00:05:43,149 --> 00:05:45,015
This is just to get pole
position for Tactona.
163
00:05:45,117 --> 00:05:47,885
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna take it
nice and easy, all right.
164
00:05:47,987 --> 00:05:51,421
I'm gonna take a nice and easy hot dog.
165
00:05:51,524 --> 00:05:52,856
Why did the car stop? Where'd
you get that hot dog?
166
00:05:52,958 --> 00:05:54,658
Dude, we've got one lap to go, man.
167
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,360
What did we talk to you about
hotdogging about, huh?
168
00:05:56,462 --> 00:05:57,895
You told me not to do it, and
you told me it was reckless,
169
00:05:57,997 --> 00:06:02,499
but what you didn't remember
is today isn't opposite day.
170
00:06:02,601 --> 00:06:03,534
It's not moving.
171
00:06:03,636 --> 00:06:04,868
What's he up to?
172
00:06:04,970 --> 00:06:06,436
His car died. I don't know.
173
00:06:06,539 --> 00:06:08,839
Just punch it, Bill. Beat this bitch!
174
00:06:08,941 --> 00:06:10,641
Just take us home. Blake?
175
00:06:10,743 --> 00:06:12,209
Both: What are you doing?
176
00:06:12,311 --> 00:06:15,045
Okay, bud. Time for your victory lap.
177
00:06:15,147 --> 00:06:16,513
There you go.
178
00:06:16,615 --> 00:06:18,482
- What... Blake, are you crazy?
- Let's go.
179
00:06:18,584 --> 00:06:20,517
[laughs] All right!
180
00:06:20,619 --> 00:06:22,419
Let's go!
181
00:06:22,521 --> 00:06:23,453
Now they're only two laps behind.
182
00:06:23,556 --> 00:06:25,189
All right? Blake, just go faster.
183
00:06:25,291 --> 00:06:27,524
They're right behind you!
You got this, Bill!
184
00:06:27,626 --> 00:06:29,193
Get 'em!
185
00:06:29,295 --> 00:06:32,029
Oh, what, you guys think
you're gonna catch me?
186
00:06:32,131 --> 00:06:33,564
I don't think so.
187
00:06:33,666 --> 00:06:35,065
Punch it, Nipples!
188
00:06:35,167 --> 00:06:36,233
189
00:06:36,335 --> 00:06:37,601
Yes, we've got a winner!
190
00:06:37,703 --> 00:06:39,536
- Your brakes!
- Stop! Stop!
191
00:06:39,638 --> 00:06:40,637
All: Oh!
192
00:06:40,739 --> 00:06:44,341
Damn! That mouse went kersplat!
193
00:06:44,443 --> 00:06:46,977
Nipples! Ow!
194
00:06:47,079 --> 00:06:48,011
- Oh, oh, shit!
- What?
195
00:06:48,113 --> 00:06:50,013
Oh, my God. He broke my hand.
196
00:06:50,115 --> 00:06:50,681
- No, you're just...
- No, I don't even know
197
00:06:50,783 --> 00:06:51,782
if I touched your hand.
198
00:06:51,884 --> 00:06:53,383
- You're doing this.
- Nipps!
199
00:06:53,485 --> 00:06:55,719
Nipples! [whimpering]
200
00:06:55,821 --> 00:06:56,720
No! No!
201
00:06:56,822 --> 00:07:01,592
Oh, yeah. That is very... smushed.
202
00:07:01,694 --> 00:07:02,859
It's a smushed rat.
203
00:07:02,962 --> 00:07:04,595
How about we just put this behind us
204
00:07:04,697 --> 00:07:06,196
like that time I hit that homeless man
205
00:07:06,298 --> 00:07:07,164
with my scooter?
206
00:07:07,266 --> 00:07:09,166
Yeah.
207
00:07:09,268 --> 00:07:10,934
And just focus on the finals, right?
208
00:07:11,036 --> 00:07:13,203
- The finals?
- Yep.
209
00:07:13,305 --> 00:07:15,372
You want me to race in the finals.
210
00:07:15,474 --> 00:07:16,406
Mm-hmm.
211
00:07:16,508 --> 00:07:18,308
I'm never racing again!
212
00:07:19,945 --> 00:07:22,779
Wow, he is being a real
sensitive bitch, isn't he?
213
00:07:22,881 --> 00:07:23,880
Yeah. Yeah.
214
00:07:23,983 --> 00:07:25,649
- What are we gonna do?
- What?
215
00:07:25,751 --> 00:07:26,817
I said, "What a sensitive"...
216
00:07:26,919 --> 00:07:27,985
I said, "What a sensitive bitch."
217
00:07:28,087 --> 00:07:29,519
- Oh, total bitch, yeah.
- Yeah.
218
00:07:29,622 --> 00:07:31,421
One of us is gonna have to race.
219
00:07:32,191 --> 00:07:33,657
- Yep, you're right.
- What are you talking about?
220
00:07:33,759 --> 00:07:34,992
The knucklepuck is on the line,
221
00:07:35,094 --> 00:07:36,393
and I'm the best shot at beating Bill.
222
00:07:36,495 --> 00:07:37,728
I know the car inside and out.
223
00:07:37,830 --> 00:07:40,364
All I know is support staff helps
224
00:07:40,466 --> 00:07:42,199
and winners win.
225
00:07:42,301 --> 00:07:43,934
Okay. You want to know who's a winner?
226
00:07:44,036 --> 00:07:47,037
Then maybe we should both
race and let Tactona decide.
227
00:07:48,674 --> 00:07:50,407
[grunts]
228
00:07:54,334 --> 00:07:56,035
You might be standard issue now,
229
00:07:56,090 --> 00:07:57,389
but I'm gonna give you a new battery
230
00:07:57,490 --> 00:07:59,457
nice and low to the ground
231
00:07:59,549 --> 00:08:01,149
and a slick new body
that's gonna make you
232
00:08:01,251 --> 00:08:05,620
the most aerodynamic car
that Tactona's ever seen.
233
00:08:05,722 --> 00:08:07,789
[sensual jazz music]
234
00:08:07,891 --> 00:08:15,697
235
00:08:36,853 --> 00:08:40,955
- Where's your shirt?
- Jesus, Ghostman.
236
00:08:41,057 --> 00:08:43,491
Got a little warm working
on my Tactona car
237
00:08:43,593 --> 00:08:46,060
because Blake quit and
Adam's just an idiot,
238
00:08:46,162 --> 00:08:47,562
so it's up to me to win.
239
00:08:47,664 --> 00:08:49,997
You know, I used to
be a race car driver.
240
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:50,665
Whoa, that's cool.
241
00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:52,667
You help me with a lady,
242
00:08:52,769 --> 00:08:55,403
I'll help you with Tactona 420.
243
00:08:55,505 --> 00:08:57,171
You got a deal. Let's get down to it.
244
00:08:57,273 --> 00:08:58,439
What are you gonna be
wearing on the date?
245
00:08:58,541 --> 00:08:58,740
[clears throat]
246
00:09:00,744 --> 00:09:03,144
Okay, yeah. Maybe... maybe
not, though, right?
247
00:09:03,246 --> 00:09:04,645
I don't know.
248
00:09:04,748 --> 00:09:07,782
What do you say we go to
Bonobos buh-right now?
249
00:09:07,884 --> 00:09:09,250
You know who it be
250
00:09:09,352 --> 00:09:10,785
It's that crazy-ass mage
251
00:09:10,887 --> 00:09:12,253
Walking out the goblin fortress
252
00:09:12,355 --> 00:09:13,788
With my loaded 12-gauge
253
00:09:13,890 --> 00:09:15,423
I be flying on a dragon
254
00:09:15,525 --> 00:09:16,090
You'll be riding in a river
255
00:09:16,192 --> 00:09:19,460
[hacking and coughing]
256
00:09:19,562 --> 00:09:20,795
[email notification dings]
257
00:09:20,897 --> 00:09:21,796
Oh.
258
00:09:23,933 --> 00:09:24,465
Boobs?
259
00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:26,868
This ought to be good.
260
00:09:27,303 --> 00:09:28,836
Damn.!
261
00:09:28,938 --> 00:09:30,037
That mouse went kersplat!
262
00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:31,172
all: Oh!
263
00:09:31,274 --> 00:09:34,442
Why? Why?
264
00:09:34,544 --> 00:09:36,544
[melancholy piano music]
265
00:09:36,646 --> 00:09:40,081
[sobbing]
266
00:09:40,183 --> 00:09:41,649
[mouthing words]
267
00:09:41,751 --> 00:09:43,151
Just screw it.
268
00:09:43,253 --> 00:09:44,919
269
00:09:45,021 --> 00:09:46,387
No!
270
00:09:46,489 --> 00:09:48,923
Nipples!
271
00:09:49,025 --> 00:09:49,924
All right. Take this off.
272
00:09:50,026 --> 00:09:52,326
We don't even need this bitch.
273
00:09:52,429 --> 00:09:55,363
[hip-hop music]
274
00:09:55,465 --> 00:09:57,598
I'm gonna make it more aerodynamic.
275
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,500
Vroom! Vroom! The dirt sucker!
276
00:09:59,602 --> 00:10:01,903
Suck my dust, bitches!
277
00:10:02,005 --> 00:10:05,406
Oh, a little energy drink. Right, okay.
278
00:10:05,508 --> 00:10:07,108
Shkerplunk.
279
00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:09,844
Yeah, cover it in... I
don't know what I'm doing!
280
00:10:09,946 --> 00:10:11,646
I don't know what I'm doing!
281
00:10:11,748 --> 00:10:13,214
Adam, what's wrong?
282
00:10:13,316 --> 00:10:14,415
You know, everything in
my life is going shitty.
283
00:10:14,517 --> 00:10:16,951
None of my friends believe in me
284
00:10:17,053 --> 00:10:19,320
or think that I'm smart enough
to make my car go fast,
285
00:10:19,422 --> 00:10:21,589
and I can't talk to Ders,
and I can't talk to Blake,
286
00:10:21,691 --> 00:10:24,192
and I don't even know
who my real father is.
287
00:10:24,294 --> 00:10:24,826
Adam.
288
00:10:26,696 --> 00:10:28,529
I have someone who can help you.
289
00:10:28,631 --> 00:10:29,330
Come with me.
290
00:10:29,432 --> 00:10:30,698
[seasonal bell music]
291
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,567
[clears throat] This doesn't...
292
00:10:32,669 --> 00:10:35,670
293
00:10:35,772 --> 00:10:36,370
You took me to church?
294
00:10:36,473 --> 00:10:38,673
God damn it, Didi.
295
00:10:38,775 --> 00:10:40,007
I thought you were taking me
296
00:10:40,109 --> 00:10:41,509
to, like, racing school or something.
297
00:10:41,611 --> 00:10:45,146
Racing school? You need Jesus.
298
00:10:45,248 --> 00:10:46,481
Jesus Christ, Didi.
299
00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:48,483
Excuse me, young man.
300
00:10:48,585 --> 00:10:49,317
Why are you taking the
Lord's name in vain
301
00:10:49,419 --> 00:10:51,452
in my place of worship?
302
00:10:51,554 --> 00:10:53,120
I shouldn't even be here.
303
00:10:53,223 --> 00:10:55,823
I'm actually going to a
race that I'm gonna win.
304
00:10:55,925 --> 00:10:57,124
Didi was supposed to help
me, but she's a liar.
305
00:10:57,227 --> 00:10:59,927
She's a sinner. You should
cover her in snakes.
306
00:11:00,029 --> 00:11:01,929
Or whatever you people do.
307
00:11:02,031 --> 00:11:04,665
Come on, what kind of life
have you been leading?
308
00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,767
I live a dope life, honestly.
309
00:11:06,870 --> 00:11:09,036
I once got busy in a
Burger King bathroom.
310
00:11:09,138 --> 00:11:10,638
That's a lie. That's a song.
311
00:11:10,740 --> 00:11:12,306
I did see a woman breastfeeding
312
00:11:12,408 --> 00:11:13,808
in a Del Taco once.
313
00:11:13,910 --> 00:11:16,310
That was cool. She had huge areolas.
314
00:11:16,412 --> 00:11:18,646
The... that's the part around.
315
00:11:18,748 --> 00:11:21,015
I've been doing this for a long time,
316
00:11:21,117 --> 00:11:22,683
and I have never been more certain
317
00:11:22,785 --> 00:11:24,819
about someone who's going to hell.
318
00:11:24,921 --> 00:11:26,687
But I don't want to go to hell.
319
00:11:26,789 --> 00:11:28,556
So, Bonobos did not stay open for us,
320
00:11:28,658 --> 00:11:29,891
but don't worry about it.
321
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:30,958
Dress Less for Ross has
everything we need.
322
00:11:31,060 --> 00:11:32,894
So why don't you give
me some racing tips
323
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:36,764
and, in the meantime, I
will find you some threads.
324
00:11:36,866 --> 00:11:39,534
Why don't you hit me
with some lady-man moves
325
00:11:39,636 --> 00:11:40,935
and I'll hit you with some racing tips?
326
00:11:41,037 --> 00:11:43,771
Okay, playing hardball. Fine.
327
00:11:43,873 --> 00:11:45,540
Throw this on. I'll find the rest.
328
00:11:45,642 --> 00:11:46,040
Wiggle when I want to
329
00:11:46,142 --> 00:11:52,013
330
00:11:52,115 --> 00:11:53,147
No.
331
00:11:53,249 --> 00:11:57,919
332
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,320
No.
333
00:11:59,422 --> 00:12:04,058
334
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,459
Wiggle when I want to
335
00:12:05,562 --> 00:12:06,460
Yeah.
336
00:12:06,563 --> 00:12:08,029
337
00:12:08,131 --> 00:12:09,463
Stand up.
338
00:12:09,566 --> 00:12:11,098
Flip it.
339
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:12,366
And...[moaning] [moaning]
340
00:12:12,468 --> 00:12:15,603
Hey. Hey!
341
00:12:15,705 --> 00:12:16,904
Your music is too loud,
342
00:12:17,006 --> 00:12:19,373
and you can't molest the pillows.
343
00:12:19,475 --> 00:12:21,409
Now, get out of here
before I call the police.
344
00:12:21,511 --> 00:12:23,044
345
00:12:23,146 --> 00:12:25,346
That was fun. I feel
like we're real friends.
346
00:12:25,448 --> 00:12:26,647
We're not, okay?
347
00:12:26,749 --> 00:12:29,016
Because I've been helping you all day,
348
00:12:29,118 --> 00:12:30,685
and no tips from you, okay?
349
00:12:30,787 --> 00:12:32,186
Tactona's in one hour.
350
00:12:32,288 --> 00:12:33,788
All right? You're the race car driver.
351
00:12:33,890 --> 00:12:34,755
Come on.
352
00:12:34,857 --> 00:12:36,190
Well, yes, I drove a race car.
353
00:12:36,292 --> 00:12:37,291
You'd probably call it a school bus.
354
00:12:37,393 --> 00:12:40,294
I used to drive around
kids of all races.
355
00:12:40,396 --> 00:12:43,030
Brown, yellow, Puerto
Rican, and Haitian.
356
00:12:43,132 --> 00:12:44,131
- Are you [bleep] kidding me?
- You know what?
357
00:12:44,233 --> 00:12:46,901
- I'm calling the cops.
- Wait, no, lady.
358
00:12:47,003 --> 00:12:49,904
Yeah, I don't want to go to,
like, "hell" hell, you know?
359
00:12:50,006 --> 00:12:52,039
Where there's, like,
rapists and murderers.
360
00:12:52,141 --> 00:12:53,307
I want to go to, like, the top level
361
00:12:53,409 --> 00:12:55,309
where it's like, people
party and like to have fun
362
00:12:55,411 --> 00:12:57,778
and smoke weed.
363
00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,447
Maybe have an orgy or something.
364
00:12:59,549 --> 00:13:01,549
Hell is not a seven-layer dip.
365
00:13:01,651 --> 00:13:04,251
Hell is hell. It sucks.
366
00:13:04,354 --> 00:13:05,286
Okay.
367
00:13:05,388 --> 00:13:06,921
Well, that doesn't sound very hype.
368
00:13:07,023 --> 00:13:09,757
Well, if you're scared of damnation,
369
00:13:09,859 --> 00:13:11,993
then you must change your ways.
370
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:12,893
I think I'm scared of damnation.
371
00:13:12,996 --> 00:13:14,762
I'm scared of Raider Nation.
372
00:13:14,864 --> 00:13:15,930
Jesus died for us.
373
00:13:16,032 --> 00:13:19,233
And what have you done to repay him?
374
00:13:19,335 --> 00:13:22,770
You have never sacrificed
anything for anyone.
375
00:13:22,872 --> 00:13:25,773
You must stop focusing on yourselves
376
00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:28,442
and accept God's love.
377
00:13:28,544 --> 00:13:30,244
That is the ultimate hype.
378
00:13:30,346 --> 00:13:34,315
379
00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:35,383
Oh!
380
00:13:35,485 --> 00:13:37,785
That man's watch just
reflected God's light
381
00:13:37,887 --> 00:13:39,520
into my eyeballs.
382
00:13:39,622 --> 00:13:41,789
That means he's trying to
tell me something, right?
383
00:13:41,891 --> 00:13:43,024
Yes, yes, he is, Adam. Yes, he is.
384
00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:44,792
What is he trying to tell you?
385
00:13:44,894 --> 00:13:46,127
Uh...
386
00:13:46,229 --> 00:13:49,063
he's telling me that... that...
387
00:13:49,165 --> 00:13:52,867
God is the ultimate hype man, right?
388
00:13:52,969 --> 00:13:57,004
He lifts you up when you have fallen!
389
00:13:57,106 --> 00:13:59,006
I've fallen too low!
390
00:13:59,108 --> 00:14:03,644
So I will harness that power
and win the Tactona 420!
391
00:14:03,746 --> 00:14:04,612
Yes! [bleep]... heck, yes.
392
00:14:04,714 --> 00:14:06,981
Bell choir. Come with me.
393
00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:09,150
Jesus just told me. Di, s'go!
394
00:14:09,252 --> 00:14:11,218
395
00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:19,234
What are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be at Tactona?
396
00:14:19,532 --> 00:14:20,864
Nipples?
397
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:22,667
As much as you want to
blame Ders and Adam
398
00:14:22,769 --> 00:14:24,002
for what happened to me,
399
00:14:24,104 --> 00:14:27,138
deep down, you feel responsible.
400
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,274
You didn't want to deal with
your feelings of guilt,
401
00:14:29,376 --> 00:14:30,908
so you just walked away.
402
00:14:31,011 --> 00:14:33,144
I'm just a clich?.
403
00:14:33,246 --> 00:14:37,048
Just another one of those
hotdogging RC racers
404
00:14:37,150 --> 00:14:40,685
that strapped his new pet
to the top of his car
405
00:14:40,787 --> 00:14:43,421
and killed his best friend. Yeah.
406
00:14:43,523 --> 00:14:44,722
Can't blame yourself.
407
00:14:44,824 --> 00:14:46,424
Sure I can.
408
00:14:46,526 --> 00:14:48,593
'Cause I shouldn't have
strapped you to that car,
409
00:14:48,695 --> 00:14:49,927
and I shouldn't have been hotdogging.
410
00:14:50,030 --> 00:14:51,896
Are you kidding? The 30
seconds I was on that car
411
00:14:51,998 --> 00:14:54,299
was the best 30 seconds of my life.
412
00:14:54,401 --> 00:14:58,036
You know what I was doing
before you came along?
413
00:14:58,138 --> 00:15:00,738
Just running around a wheel all day.
414
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,840
And then, one by one,
415
00:15:02,942 --> 00:15:05,877
my brothers got plucked up
416
00:15:05,979 --> 00:15:07,412
and fed to a snapping turtle.
417
00:15:07,514 --> 00:15:10,348
Have you ever seen a
snapping turtle eat a mouse?
418
00:15:10,450 --> 00:15:12,817
Prepare yourself.
419
00:15:12,919 --> 00:15:15,453
[making engine noises]
420
00:15:15,555 --> 00:15:17,121
Oh, thank God I made it.
421
00:15:17,223 --> 00:15:18,456
Oh, you want to talk to God?
422
00:15:18,558 --> 00:15:20,391
'Cause I can. I can make
that happen for you.
423
00:15:20,493 --> 00:15:24,595
I got his number. How
about we give him a ring?
424
00:15:24,698 --> 00:15:25,730
What's up with that?
425
00:15:25,832 --> 00:15:27,665
I have the Lord Savior Jesus Christ
426
00:15:27,767 --> 00:15:29,167
and all the other spirits on my side.
427
00:15:29,269 --> 00:15:30,802
What you got? What do I got?
428
00:15:30,904 --> 00:15:33,171
I got a full-zip hoodie. Marc Ecko.
429
00:15:33,273 --> 00:15:34,572
Hood can come up. I can rock it down.
430
00:15:34,674 --> 00:15:36,407
I can open. Close.
431
00:15:36,509 --> 00:15:37,842
I really like that. Can
I borrow it sometime?
432
00:15:37,944 --> 00:15:40,845
Okay. Welcome to the Tactona 420.
433
00:15:40,947 --> 00:15:41,713
Whoo! Yeah!
434
00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:42,714
With Blake out of the picture,
435
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:45,883
this race is anybody's to win.
436
00:15:45,985 --> 00:15:47,819
- Yes.
- No, it's mine.
437
00:15:47,921 --> 00:15:48,986
- It's very, very exciting.
- It's mine to win.
438
00:15:49,089 --> 00:15:50,321
Exciting enough to make me forget
439
00:15:50,423 --> 00:15:51,656
that, this morning, our beloved Helen
440
00:15:51,758 --> 00:15:52,857
covered me in her blood.
441
00:15:52,959 --> 00:15:54,258
All right.
442
00:15:54,361 --> 00:15:55,693
But thanks to this handy bleach pen,
443
00:15:55,795 --> 00:15:57,161
no one knows. [laughs]
444
00:15:57,263 --> 00:15:58,930
Start the race, lady.
It's winning time.
445
00:15:59,032 --> 00:16:00,732
Let's do it! Start your engines!
446
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:02,967
- Whoo!
- Wait, wait, wait, hang on.
447
00:16:03,069 --> 00:16:04,702
- Ready?
- Nope.
448
00:16:04,804 --> 00:16:06,170
- Okay, yeah, we're ready.
- Yeah, ready.
449
00:16:06,272 --> 00:16:08,139
- Are we all in place and ready?
- Start it. Ready.
450
00:16:08,241 --> 00:16:09,907
- Don't wait for him.
- Hit it.
451
00:16:10,009 --> 00:16:12,377
Ready. Set.
452
00:16:12,479 --> 00:16:14,078
[in slow-motion] Go!
453
00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:14,912
-
Bah-bah-bum
- Move your car!
454
00:16:17,317 --> 00:16:19,350
- Oh, are they playing?
- No.
455
00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:22,987
Oh! Oh, damn! Oh, my God!
456
00:16:23,089 --> 00:16:26,457
Oh, there's, like, a
train of intestines.
457
00:16:26,559 --> 00:16:27,959
That's a lot of blood.
458
00:16:28,061 --> 00:16:29,360
Now, get to Tactona.
459
00:16:29,462 --> 00:16:31,362
Your friends need you.
460
00:16:31,464 --> 00:16:33,431
Both: Yeah.
461
00:16:33,533 --> 00:16:35,233
[triumphant brass music]
462
00:16:35,335 --> 00:16:37,769
both: Yeah!
463
00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:39,303
- Thanks, Nipples!
- You got it!
464
00:16:39,406 --> 00:16:41,339
- Yeah!
- Now, get out of here!
465
00:16:41,441 --> 00:16:42,774
I'm gonna!
466
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:44,041
- Now!
- Yeah!
467
00:16:44,144 --> 00:16:45,977
- Whoo!
- Still really drunk.
468
00:16:46,079 --> 00:16:50,448
It's lap 289 here at Tactona 420,
469
00:16:50,550 --> 00:16:51,883
and Bill has a hefty lead.
470
00:16:51,985 --> 00:16:55,253
Yo, dumb-ass, your car's falling apart.
471
00:16:55,355 --> 00:16:56,721
- What'd you say?
- I'm telling you.
472
00:16:56,823 --> 00:16:59,891
None of that stuff on there's
doing you any favors, pal.
473
00:16:59,993 --> 00:17:02,994
God's on my side, so
he won't let me lose.
474
00:17:03,096 --> 00:17:05,897
Holy zits! Bill just lapped Adam!
475
00:17:05,999 --> 00:17:07,965
Son of a bitch. God damn it, God.
476
00:17:08,067 --> 00:17:09,500
Why have you forsaken me?
477
00:17:09,602 --> 00:17:11,869
Oh, it is starting to
look inevitable, folks.
478
00:17:11,971 --> 00:17:14,472
Bill, someone I actually had sex with,
479
00:17:14,574 --> 00:17:16,808
might just be the new
Tactona 420 champion.
480
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:20,378
Yeah! Suck my [bleep], world!
481
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,880
Bill has just pulled in for a pit stop,
482
00:17:22,982 --> 00:17:23,981
and he can take his sweet time
483
00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:26,451
since he's way ahead of the pack.
484
00:17:26,553 --> 00:17:28,386
About 100 laps to go.
485
00:17:28,488 --> 00:17:30,855
It would take a miracle to catch up...
486
00:17:30,957 --> 00:17:32,924
oh, something just tickled my ankle.
487
00:17:33,026 --> 00:17:34,659
What the hell? Whose car is that?
488
00:17:34,761 --> 00:17:36,060
Man, don't worry about it.
489
00:17:36,162 --> 00:17:37,195
Just get back in there
and win this race.
490
00:17:37,297 --> 00:17:40,598
Another car has just
joined the Tactona 420!
491
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:44,368
[anthemic rock music]
492
00:17:44,471 --> 00:17:49,273
493
00:17:49,375 --> 00:17:50,341
It's Blake!
494
00:17:50,443 --> 00:17:52,910
Oh, hell no.
495
00:17:53,012 --> 00:17:54,111
- Whoa.
- What's up?
496
00:17:54,214 --> 00:17:55,513
- Yeah.
- Stop. Stop.
497
00:17:55,615 --> 00:17:56,447
What's up, guys? Hey.
498
00:17:56,549 --> 00:17:58,249
I just want you to know that I'm here
499
00:17:58,351 --> 00:17:59,917
and I'm gonna help win the knucklepuck,
500
00:18:00,019 --> 00:18:02,019
because the Blake Boys are back.
501
00:18:02,121 --> 00:18:03,788
Let's get this, mother[bleep].
502
00:18:03,890 --> 00:18:05,656
Bell choir, hit it!
503
00:18:05,758 --> 00:18:09,427
[seasonal bell music]
504
00:18:09,529 --> 00:18:13,498
505
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,833
I can hardly believe
I'm about to say this,
506
00:18:15,935 --> 00:18:18,402
but Blake is only four laps behind!
507
00:18:18,505 --> 00:18:21,272
Bill is still in the lead
at only eight laps left.
508
00:18:21,374 --> 00:18:24,408
- Adam DeMamp.
- Oh, Jesus Christ!
509
00:18:24,511 --> 00:18:27,945
You've got some nerve
stealing our bell choir.
510
00:18:28,047 --> 00:18:30,448
- Wow.
- You're a selfish little man.
511
00:18:30,550 --> 00:18:31,649
Yeah, okay. Could you just shut up?
512
00:18:31,751 --> 00:18:33,050
I'm trying to win this race.
513
00:18:33,152 --> 00:18:35,052
You ain't gonna be able to do it.
514
00:18:35,154 --> 00:18:36,554
You know, fine.
515
00:18:36,656 --> 00:18:38,422
You're right, Didi. I'm
not a very good racer.
516
00:18:38,525 --> 00:18:40,658
But you know what I am good at?
517
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,994
Being pretty godlike.
518
00:18:43,096 --> 00:18:44,529
Because I'm the ultimate hype man.
519
00:18:44,631 --> 00:18:47,031
Only three laps to go!
520
00:18:47,133 --> 00:18:51,903
I shall sacrifice
thineself, just like God!
521
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:53,671
That was Jesus.
522
00:18:53,773 --> 00:18:55,840
Oh, Jesus was the one
that sacrificed himself.
523
00:18:55,942 --> 00:18:57,074
- Yes.
- Okay, well, then, like him.
524
00:18:57,176 --> 00:18:58,609
Or whatever. Doesn't matter to me.
525
00:18:58,711 --> 00:19:00,545
[majestic music]
526
00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:01,579
Oh!
527
00:19:01,681 --> 00:19:03,014
Did you guys see that?
Whoa, dude, what?
528
00:19:03,116 --> 00:19:06,350
You idiot! You're blocking the track!
529
00:19:06,452 --> 00:19:08,052
No!
530
00:19:08,154 --> 00:19:10,054
One lap left!
531
00:19:10,156 --> 00:19:10,688
I see what you're doing.
Blocking the track.
532
00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:12,023
Check this out. Yeah!
533
00:19:12,125 --> 00:19:14,158
- Ga-doop!
- What are you guys doing?
534
00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:17,228
- I want you to jump my car.
- What?
535
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:18,396
But that's Ultimate Hot Dog.
536
00:19:18,498 --> 00:19:19,697
That's what broke our team up.
537
00:19:19,799 --> 00:19:21,966
Hotdogging's about to get
us back together, okay?
538
00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:22,567
We're Blake's Boys. Let's go, come on!
539
00:19:22,669 --> 00:19:25,036
Let's go!
540
00:19:25,138 --> 00:19:27,772
Hold on to your butt,
Nipples, you crazy dick.
541
00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:29,707
542
00:19:29,809 --> 00:19:32,910
- Oh!
- Yes!
543
00:19:33,012 --> 00:19:33,411
Yes!
544
00:19:33,513 --> 00:19:34,545
Whoa!
545
00:19:34,647 --> 00:19:37,281
[all cheering]
546
00:19:37,383 --> 00:19:38,783
The Best Friend Boys are back!
547
00:19:38,885 --> 00:19:41,786
548
00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:48,705
- We won!
- The Best Friend Boys!
549
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:49,828
We won. Hey, Jillian,
550
00:19:50,530 --> 00:19:52,330
- why don't you call it?
- Call it.
551
00:19:52,432 --> 00:19:53,731
'Cause we're the champions.
552
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:55,600
Yeah, call it.
553
00:19:58,390 --> 00:19:59,289
That was the hospital.
554
00:20:00,608 --> 00:20:02,375
Helen died.
555
00:20:02,477 --> 00:20:03,009
Oh.
556
00:20:03,111 --> 00:20:06,813
And left me $48,000!
557
00:20:06,829 --> 00:20:09,196
Oh, my God. Lucky.
558
00:20:09,298 --> 00:20:10,463
I'm never working again!
559
00:20:10,566 --> 00:20:12,933
Oh, I'm so rich!
560
00:20:13,035 --> 00:20:15,268
I'm so rich!
561
00:20:15,370 --> 00:20:18,839
I'm taking this. I'm taking
this shit right here.
562
00:20:18,941 --> 00:20:19,639
Whoo!
563
00:20:19,741 --> 00:20:22,075
I can buy a new one!
564
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:24,744
I got that Jennifer
Lawrence money, bitch!
565
00:20:24,847 --> 00:20:26,279
Whoo! Ha-ha!
566
00:20:26,381 --> 00:20:27,581
You ready for this knucklepuck?
567
00:20:27,683 --> 00:20:28,949
I was born ready, baby.
568
00:20:29,051 --> 00:20:30,450
I can't believe this is happening.
569
00:20:30,552 --> 00:20:31,451
It's knucklepuck time!
570
00:20:31,553 --> 00:20:32,786
Wait, no, I get to say that.
571
00:20:32,888 --> 00:20:34,855
Okay, the person who hits it
says, "It's knucklepuck time."
572
00:20:34,957 --> 00:20:35,889
- Okay.
- It's knucklepuck time.
573
00:20:35,991 --> 00:20:37,390
It's knucklepuck time.
574
00:20:37,492 --> 00:20:38,658
- Knucklepuck time.
- Guys, check it out.
575
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,827
I want you to meet Nipples 2099.
576
00:20:40,929 --> 00:20:42,362
Whoa!
577
00:20:42,464 --> 00:20:43,930
Ow! Ow!
578
00:20:44,032 --> 00:20:47,200
[groaning] Son of a...
579
00:20:47,302 --> 00:20:49,035
No!
580
00:20:49,137 --> 00:20:51,371
No, I can't handle another death.
581
00:20:51,473 --> 00:20:52,572
No!
582
00:20:52,674 --> 00:20:53,573
Sorry.
583
00:20:53,675 --> 00:20:56,843
- That went kersplat.
- Nice.
584
00:20:56,916 --> 00:21:00,783
Synced and corrected by MasterCookie
- www.addic7ed.com -
585
00:21:00,833 --> 00:21:05,383
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