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1
00:00:00,539 --> 00:00:01,905
Dude, that environmental
film we watched
2
00:00:01,907 --> 00:00:04,340
was a mind-blower; I'm
serious when I say
3
00:00:04,342 --> 00:00:05,708
I feel bad for people
who haven't seen it.
4
00:00:05,710 --> 00:00:07,911
Oh, I feel so sorry for the fools
5
00:00:07,913 --> 00:00:09,546
that aren't even intelligent enough
6
00:00:09,548 --> 00:00:11,614
to follow along with
an environmental film.
7
00:00:12,959 --> 00:00:14,759
I mean... and I don't
want to get into it,
8
00:00:14,761 --> 00:00:16,561
but you know what it is?
9
00:00:16,563 --> 00:00:18,963
The educational system, and I
don't want to get into it.
10
00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:20,498
- Yes, I know.
- Dudes.
11
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,233
The food truck outside, the
guy dropped a corn dog
12
00:00:22,287 --> 00:00:24,588
on the ground, and then he
gave it to me for free,
13
00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:26,823
and then he only charged
me $2 for the mustard.
14
00:00:26,825 --> 00:00:29,092
Come on, Adam. Get
your head in the game.
15
00:00:29,094 --> 00:00:30,427
We are stocking up
16
00:00:30,429 --> 00:00:32,329
for an imminent
earthquake tsunami here.
17
00:00:32,331 --> 00:00:34,531
Mm, except for earthquake
tsunamis aren't real.
18
00:00:34,533 --> 00:00:36,666
What is real is a "girthquake punani."
19
00:00:36,668 --> 00:00:39,336
It's a sex move that I made up
when you guys were watching
20
00:00:39,338 --> 00:00:40,704
dumb environmental films.
21
00:00:40,706 --> 00:00:43,073
It goes like this.. Comes in, rolls in.
22
00:00:43,075 --> 00:00:44,774
- Uh...
- And what, that's your penis?
23
00:00:44,776 --> 00:00:46,877
Yeah, that was my penis. Now
the whole house is shaking.
24
00:00:46,879 --> 00:00:48,778
[blubbering]
25
00:00:48,780 --> 00:00:51,548
Now it chills for a second...
aftershock, aftershock...
26
00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:53,116
That is a private moment for your wife.
27
00:00:53,118 --> 00:00:54,417
- Stop it.
- Aftershock.
28
00:00:54,419 --> 00:00:55,952
Educational system at work.
29
00:00:55,954 --> 00:00:57,954
Yeah, what education system, right?
30
00:00:57,956 --> 00:00:59,256
- Exactly.
- My goodness.
31
00:00:59,258 --> 00:01:00,924
Hey, Adam, maybe... whoa.
32
00:01:00,926 --> 00:01:02,659
I'd be so good at sucking... what's up?
33
00:01:02,661 --> 00:01:05,195
Adam, next time we're watching
an environmental film,
34
00:01:05,197 --> 00:01:07,197
you may want to come into
the room and, I don't know,
35
00:01:07,199 --> 00:01:08,732
try to follow along.
36
00:01:08,734 --> 00:01:11,134
That is, if you even
have the attention span.
37
00:01:11,136 --> 00:01:12,235
[both laughing]
38
00:01:12,237 --> 00:01:15,005
Watch this. Focus of a laser.
39
00:01:17,242 --> 00:01:19,543
Oh, nothing will break this focus.
40
00:01:19,545 --> 00:01:21,745
Absolutely nothing.
41
00:01:21,747 --> 00:01:22,879
Who wants to play hide-and-seek?
42
00:01:22,881 --> 00:01:24,814
Okay, I'll hide first. Losers!
43
00:01:24,816 --> 00:01:27,384
[clattering]
44
00:01:27,386 --> 00:01:28,718
All right.
45
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,220
I saved the corn dog.
46
00:01:30,222 --> 00:01:31,356
[The Skinny Boys' "Jock Box"]
47
00:01:31,408 --> 00:01:35,275
Synced and corrected by MasterCookie
- www.addic7ed.com -
48
00:01:36,862 --> 00:01:38,895
You gotta, you gotta, you gotta
49
00:01:38,897 --> 00:01:40,931
Gotta be fresh
50
00:01:42,267 --> 00:01:45,302
What do you need a new vest for?
51
00:01:45,304 --> 00:01:46,736
What, they're on sale.
52
00:01:46,738 --> 00:01:48,004
They mark it up just to mark it down.
53
00:01:48,006 --> 00:01:49,272
You're still getting robbed.
54
00:01:49,274 --> 00:01:51,141
I'm trying it on anyway.
55
00:01:51,143 --> 00:01:53,910
Shh! I'm hiding!
56
00:01:53,912 --> 00:01:58,748
Of course you are, buddy!
57
00:01:58,750 --> 00:01:59,783
My friends are coming!
58
00:01:59,785 --> 00:02:02,018
Oh, okay, take it easy.
59
00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:03,653
[nervous laughter]
60
00:02:03,655 --> 00:02:06,323
Hey. Ow. They spotted me.
61
00:02:06,325 --> 00:02:08,024
Right, yeah, we were definitely
62
00:02:08,026 --> 00:02:09,826
still looking for you. Let's
get out of here, man.
63
00:02:09,828 --> 00:02:11,361
No, I'm not gonna go yet, okay?
64
00:02:11,363 --> 00:02:13,263
They... they freakin' blew my cover.
65
00:02:13,265 --> 00:02:14,297
So I'm gonna hide again!
66
00:02:14,299 --> 00:02:15,799
Start counting.
67
00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:18,268
- Adam, we wanna... ah!
- Let's go, dude.
68
00:02:18,270 --> 00:02:20,270
Don't! Turn around. Do not
look where I'm hiding.
69
00:02:20,272 --> 00:02:23,306
- Sorry.
- Bless his heart.
70
00:02:23,308 --> 00:02:26,810
- You guys look after him?
- Uh, I guess.
71
00:02:26,812 --> 00:02:29,279
I mean, he is a little
cuckoo, but, you know.
72
00:02:29,281 --> 00:02:31,848
- Yeah, cuckoo's a way to put it.
- He's insane.
73
00:02:31,850 --> 00:02:34,351
Okay, he's, like, almost split
open his head 100 times.
74
00:02:34,353 --> 00:02:36,920
His brain is, like,
scramby eggs up there.
75
00:02:36,922 --> 00:02:39,189
Not like we gotta wipe
his butt or anything.
76
00:02:39,191 --> 00:02:41,691
Actually... there were the
last three Super Bowls.
77
00:02:41,693 --> 00:02:42,993
Right, and every St. Patrick's Day.
78
00:02:42,995 --> 00:02:45,662
A lot of green... well, anyway.
79
00:02:45,664 --> 00:02:48,565
My name's Luke Fox, and my associate Mr.
Barnes and I
80
00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:51,167
happen to be members of a
progressive think tank
81
00:02:51,169 --> 00:02:53,737
where we come up with creative
ways to help the less fortunate.
82
00:02:53,739 --> 00:02:55,538
- Uh-huh.
- We do that in our spare time.
83
00:02:55,540 --> 00:02:58,708
We're both CEOs of Fortune
500 companies by trade.
84
00:02:58,710 --> 00:03:01,011
Oh, really?
85
00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:04,714
Every month we select a
brain-damaged teen or adult
86
00:03:04,716 --> 00:03:06,416
to experience an all-expenses-paid
87
00:03:06,418 --> 00:03:09,019
wilderness adventure at
our lodge in Big Bear.
88
00:03:09,021 --> 00:03:12,756
We'd like to invite you guys
and Adam to be our guests.
89
00:03:12,758 --> 00:03:14,257
Yeah, and you better
bring your appetites,
90
00:03:14,259 --> 00:03:16,593
'cause we eat breakfast for every meal!
91
00:03:16,595 --> 00:03:18,194
Yeah, we're in!
92
00:03:18,196 --> 00:03:19,863
We'd love to do that.
That's really cool.
93
00:03:19,865 --> 00:03:22,165
And I think it will be a
terrific experience for Adam
94
00:03:22,167 --> 00:03:23,933
to be exposed to nature.
95
00:03:23,935 --> 00:03:25,535
- And that's...
- Help, help, help, help!
96
00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:27,237
Help me! Ahh!
97
00:03:27,239 --> 00:03:28,905
- Hey, Adam.
- Hey.
98
00:03:28,907 --> 00:03:32,275
How was the car ride? Did
you see any animals?
99
00:03:32,277 --> 00:03:34,778
It was awesome. I thought
I saw a raccoon.
100
00:03:34,780 --> 00:03:37,180
- Oh.
- But it was just a plastic bag.
101
00:03:37,182 --> 00:03:38,848
Sorry we're late, because we
didn't have any cell service
102
00:03:38,850 --> 00:03:41,051
- so we lost directions.
- Oh, yeah, sorry.
103
00:03:41,053 --> 00:03:43,353
No cell service. But
you get used to it.
104
00:03:43,355 --> 00:03:46,456
It helps you unplug and unwind, yeah.
105
00:03:46,458 --> 00:03:48,091
Let me have your car keys,
106
00:03:48,093 --> 00:03:49,926
Case I need to get out the
driveway, go to the store.
107
00:03:49,928 --> 00:03:51,394
That's okay. Just let me know.
I'll move it.
108
00:03:51,396 --> 00:03:52,762
It's a little tricky.
109
00:03:52,764 --> 00:03:55,632
It's easier if I have your keys.
110
00:03:55,634 --> 00:03:57,967
Might have to take multiple trips.
111
00:03:57,969 --> 00:03:59,903
Hate to run out of pancake mix.
112
00:03:59,905 --> 00:04:02,138
[ominous music]
113
00:04:02,140 --> 00:04:05,308
Yeah, yeah, you don't want to see
him when he runs out of mix.
114
00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:07,410
[laughter] Don't wanna see that!
115
00:04:07,412 --> 00:04:09,245
- Give the man your keys.
- Okay, all right.
116
00:04:09,247 --> 00:04:11,281
- There you go. Sorry.
- Yeah, come on in.
117
00:04:11,283 --> 00:04:13,983
- We're making breakfast.
- Cool.
118
00:04:13,985 --> 00:04:15,952
Hey, guys, just remember,
119
00:04:15,954 --> 00:04:19,255
we're about to rub elbows with
some Fortune 500 brothers.
120
00:04:19,257 --> 00:04:20,724
- Ooh!
- Behave.
121
00:04:20,726 --> 00:04:22,559
- Gimme some 'bow skin!
- Rubbing elbows!
122
00:04:22,561 --> 00:04:23,893
Gimme the 'bow! Gimme the 'bow!
123
00:04:23,895 --> 00:04:25,628
Rubbing elbows! Rubbing elbows!
124
00:04:25,630 --> 00:04:28,298
Can we stop doing that?
Unless you ask me to do that.
125
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:30,133
In which case, can I
do that with you guys?
126
00:04:30,135 --> 00:04:32,836
- Whoa, this is cool.
- Oh, my God.
127
00:04:32,838 --> 00:04:33,937
Look at those stairs.
128
00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:35,138
[indistinct]
129
00:04:35,140 --> 00:04:36,973
[camera clicks]
130
00:04:36,975 --> 00:04:39,609
Who is this gigantic man
taking pictures of me?
131
00:04:39,611 --> 00:04:41,745
[camera clicks]
132
00:04:41,747 --> 00:04:45,782
Ah. I see you've met the
final guest for the weekend.
133
00:04:45,784 --> 00:04:47,617
Gentlemen, this is Jim Raines.
134
00:04:47,619 --> 00:04:51,821
- Fresh meat. Ha ha ha.
- [chuckles] Fresh meat.
135
00:04:51,823 --> 00:04:54,357
He's... he's fun.
136
00:04:54,359 --> 00:04:57,127
Is that your bathroom? I gotta tinkle.
137
00:04:57,129 --> 00:04:59,295
I had, like, four...
Don't open that door!
138
00:04:59,297 --> 00:05:01,131
Just a little something in there
139
00:05:01,133 --> 00:05:04,033
that we're gonna give you
at the end of the weekend,
140
00:05:04,035 --> 00:05:06,269
and we don't want to
spoil the surprise.
141
00:05:06,271 --> 00:05:07,704
I love surprises!
142
00:05:07,706 --> 00:05:09,506
Nearest bathroom is right upstairs.
143
00:05:09,508 --> 00:05:13,143
Okay, time me. Time me!
Time me! Time me!
144
00:05:13,145 --> 00:05:16,012
- Are you timing? Ders, time me.
- Gentlemen, please.
145
00:05:16,014 --> 00:05:18,648
- Absolutely.
- Please, thank you.
146
00:05:18,650 --> 00:05:20,483
- Very nice.
- This place looks like
147
00:05:20,485 --> 00:05:23,153
it cost a billion dollars.
How rich are you?
148
00:05:23,155 --> 00:05:25,455
[laughs] Okay, Dersy, baby.
149
00:05:25,457 --> 00:05:27,690
Don't be gauche.
150
00:05:27,692 --> 00:05:30,994
What he means is, if there's
any secrets to success
151
00:05:30,996 --> 00:05:32,562
you could fill us in with, you know,
152
00:05:32,564 --> 00:05:34,397
business or women-wise.
153
00:05:34,399 --> 00:05:36,065
It is a guy's trip, huh, after all.
154
00:05:36,067 --> 00:05:38,301
Sure. I have one.
155
00:05:38,303 --> 00:05:42,071
If opportunity doesn't
knock, build a door.
156
00:05:42,073 --> 00:05:44,140
- Build a door.
- So you're saying...
157
00:05:44,142 --> 00:05:46,209
we should open, like, a
door store or something?
158
00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:49,112
[laughter]
159
00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:56,052
What? [laughter]
160
00:05:56,054 --> 00:05:59,022
Is that a no? Psych.
161
00:05:59,024 --> 00:06:00,690
[phone ringing]
162
00:06:00,692 --> 00:06:02,525
[all chuckling]
163
00:06:02,527 --> 00:06:04,294
Oh.
164
00:06:04,296 --> 00:06:06,896
Yeah? Yeah.
165
00:06:06,898 --> 00:06:08,565
There are three of them.
166
00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:10,667
Listen, I can't talk right now,
167
00:06:10,669 --> 00:06:13,336
but we might need more
bullets in case they run.
168
00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:15,271
[dramatic tones]
169
00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:20,109
- Everything okay?
- Everything is great.
170
00:06:20,111 --> 00:06:23,079
Yeah, uh, what was that
about the bullets?
171
00:06:23,081 --> 00:06:26,349
Sometimes Mr. Barnes organizes
hunting expeditions
172
00:06:26,351 --> 00:06:28,084
up here during the week.
173
00:06:28,086 --> 00:06:30,920
I'm sure the call was
about that, right?
174
00:06:30,922 --> 00:06:32,622
- That's exactly what it was.
- Okay.
175
00:06:32,624 --> 00:06:34,524
- Oh, yeah.
- Makes sense.
176
00:06:34,526 --> 00:06:38,094
Why don't you go put your gear
down while we prepare lunch?
177
00:06:38,096 --> 00:06:40,530
- Don't you mean breakfast?
- Ha! You remembered!
178
00:06:40,532 --> 00:06:43,299
Of course I did! How could I forget?
179
00:06:43,301 --> 00:06:44,234
[ominous music]
180
00:06:49,249 --> 00:06:50,482
I'm telling you guys,
something isn't right!
181
00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:52,358
Yeah, dude, I totally agree.
182
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:53,626
You heard that guy Barnes on the phone.
183
00:06:53,629 --> 00:06:54,962
He said something about bullets,
184
00:06:54,964 --> 00:06:57,464
and then he mentioned three of them.
185
00:06:58,598 --> 00:07:00,432
- [urinating stops]
- You're being ridiculous.
186
00:07:00,434 --> 00:07:02,467
The weird one probably just
huffed too much paint as a kid.
187
00:07:02,469 --> 00:07:04,302
It happens to the best of us.
188
00:07:04,304 --> 00:07:06,438
Something is definitely up and
I think it has something to do
189
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,306
with that room they
wouldn't let Adam into.
190
00:07:08,308 --> 00:07:10,275
- Right, what was that?
- Dude, don't.
191
00:07:10,277 --> 00:07:13,311
No. I'm going downstairs.
I'm gonna snoop around.
192
00:07:13,313 --> 00:07:15,046
- [urinating]
- Adam.
193
00:07:15,048 --> 00:07:17,382
When are you gonna learn how to
piss and talk at the same time?
194
00:07:17,384 --> 00:07:18,983
You know, honestly, I don't know.
195
00:07:18,985 --> 00:07:22,487
- [urinating]
- It's been something that I...
196
00:07:22,489 --> 00:07:24,823
Oh, my God! Dude! I'm doing it!
197
00:07:24,825 --> 00:07:26,724
- Ders, do you hear it?
- I do hear it.
198
00:07:26,726 --> 00:07:28,560
That's awesome, man. Good for you.
199
00:07:28,562 --> 00:07:30,862
You should've taken the call outside.
200
00:07:30,864 --> 00:07:32,831
You almost ruined the whole weekend.
201
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:35,867
Relax, they didn't know
what I was talking about.
202
00:07:35,869 --> 00:07:38,603
We gotta water these plants more often.
203
00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:39,804
They look dead.
204
00:07:43,543 --> 00:07:46,845
These new guns you got...
serious firepower.
205
00:07:46,847 --> 00:07:48,513
Probably blow their heads clean off.
206
00:07:48,515 --> 00:07:50,248
Well, that won't be necessary.
207
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,750
We kill the small one, that's it.
208
00:07:52,752 --> 00:07:55,987
What about the other two?
Might as well.
209
00:07:55,989 --> 00:07:57,555
If we have to.
210
00:07:57,557 --> 00:07:59,390
I'm gonna get more
bullets in the garage.
211
00:07:59,392 --> 00:08:00,558
[gun cocks]
212
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,060
Oh, my God.
213
00:08:02,062 --> 00:08:05,063
[tense music]
214
00:08:05,065 --> 00:08:12,036
215
00:08:12,038 --> 00:08:14,839
Oh, my God. Oh!
216
00:08:14,841 --> 00:08:21,779
217
00:08:25,952 --> 00:08:27,452
We have to get out of here!
218
00:08:27,454 --> 00:08:29,053
They're hunting us for sport!
219
00:08:29,055 --> 00:08:30,788
- What?
- What?
220
00:08:30,790 --> 00:08:34,225
They've got guns, and
Adam is the target,
221
00:08:34,227 --> 00:08:36,427
And they'll kill us
too if they have to.
222
00:08:36,429 --> 00:08:38,229
That's why they invited us here!
223
00:08:38,231 --> 00:08:40,465
No, dude, they invited
us to rub our elbows.
224
00:08:40,467 --> 00:08:42,967
- And to groom us.
- Exactly.
225
00:08:42,969 --> 00:08:44,602
They're Fortune 500 business dudes,
226
00:08:44,604 --> 00:08:45,970
so why would they ever want to help
227
00:08:45,972 --> 00:08:48,072
some non-Fortune 500 business dudes?
228
00:08:48,074 --> 00:08:50,108
No, no, dude, they hunt the weak.
229
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,043
They drink our blood.
They live forever.
230
00:08:52,045 --> 00:08:53,478
Pretty cool.
231
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,915
500. Fortune 500.
232
00:08:56,917 --> 00:09:00,218
Oh, my God. It's years.
233
00:09:00,220 --> 00:09:04,422
They're vampires. Life
is the greatest fortune.
234
00:09:04,424 --> 00:09:07,191
It's 500 years!
235
00:09:07,193 --> 00:09:09,727
You're right...
236
00:09:09,729 --> 00:09:12,664
Okay, well, I'm gonna say
it's a misunderstanding
237
00:09:12,666 --> 00:09:14,632
and go get breakfast
right now, so... okay.
238
00:09:14,634 --> 00:09:15,934
- Adam... Adam!
- You go out there,
239
00:09:15,936 --> 00:09:17,669
you're the breakfast!
240
00:09:17,671 --> 00:09:20,104
There were corpses, cadavers, animals,
241
00:09:20,106 --> 00:09:22,740
hanging everywhere and a little
plaque with your name on it
242
00:09:22,742 --> 00:09:25,143
where his head was supposed to go.
243
00:09:25,145 --> 00:09:26,578
Oh, yeah, one other thing.
244
00:09:26,580 --> 00:09:28,980
A jar with a human
ding-dong in it, dude.
245
00:09:28,982 --> 00:09:33,084
So please stop being
stupid and listen to us.
246
00:09:33,086 --> 00:09:35,453
Wait a second.
247
00:09:35,455 --> 00:09:37,655
How big was the ding-dong?
248
00:09:37,657 --> 00:09:40,258
Massive. Like five inches.
249
00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:42,126
Oh, my God, that's why they chose me!
250
00:09:42,128 --> 00:09:44,362
Right, 'cause mine's almost that size.
251
00:09:44,364 --> 00:09:45,997
And then they took
your car keys, right?
252
00:09:45,999 --> 00:09:47,765
- Oh, my God, yes.
- And I know my phone
253
00:09:47,767 --> 00:09:49,200
doesn't have service. Does
your phone have service?
254
00:09:49,202 --> 00:09:50,635
My cell phone doesn't have service.
255
00:09:50,637 --> 00:09:52,003
Does your cell phone have service?
256
00:09:52,005 --> 00:09:53,805
- Nope.
- And you said your phone
257
00:09:53,807 --> 00:09:55,039
- doesn't have service, right?
- Phone doesn't work.
258
00:09:55,041 --> 00:09:56,541
Does your cell phone have service?
259
00:09:56,543 --> 00:09:58,009
- Out of batteries.
- And I said my phone
260
00:09:58,011 --> 00:09:59,477
doesn't have service,
so what should we do?
261
00:09:59,479 --> 00:10:01,312
We're gonna get the hell out of here.
262
00:10:01,314 --> 00:10:02,680
Let's pop this window, man.
263
00:10:02,682 --> 00:10:04,282
Come on, let's get out of here.
264
00:10:04,284 --> 00:10:05,984
Come on! Great call, Ders.
265
00:10:05,986 --> 00:10:07,318
[straining]
266
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,220
- Just lift.
- Okay.
267
00:10:09,222 --> 00:10:10,955
- You... come here.
- Okay.
268
00:10:10,957 --> 00:10:12,790
Okay, that's my... that's
the back of my nuts.
269
00:10:12,792 --> 00:10:14,626
- Okay.
- That's the front of my nuts.
270
00:10:14,628 --> 00:10:16,361
Remember that tree.
That's our landmark.
271
00:10:16,363 --> 00:10:19,063
I definitely want a penis,
but I think I would want,
272
00:10:19,065 --> 00:10:20,932
like, both parts, you know?
273
00:10:20,934 --> 00:10:22,467
- Dude, perfect.
- Yes! Yes!
274
00:10:22,469 --> 00:10:24,302
- A body of water.
- Yes!
275
00:10:24,304 --> 00:10:25,837
- Sick.
- Yes, that is...
276
00:10:25,839 --> 00:10:29,007
That is perfect. Why
is it perfect, though?
277
00:10:29,009 --> 00:10:31,409
What do you mean, dude? This
is, like, Survivalist 101.
278
00:10:31,411 --> 00:10:34,312
You get into the water,
they can't track you, okay?
279
00:10:34,314 --> 00:10:36,314
- You disappear.
- Okay, but that water...
280
00:10:36,316 --> 00:10:38,583
it looks disgusting, so I'm
gonna do my own thing.
281
00:10:38,585 --> 00:10:40,952
Adam, you've eaten
donuts out of a toilet.
282
00:10:40,954 --> 00:10:43,087
- This water's fine.
- [slurps]
283
00:10:43,089 --> 00:10:45,156
- Mmm. Yeah. Mmm.
- Okay.
284
00:10:45,158 --> 00:10:48,192
Yeah, ooh, very soothing.
It's like a spa day.
285
00:10:48,194 --> 00:10:50,461
We just take ourselves a trip
to Bed, Bath, and Bodyworks.
286
00:10:50,463 --> 00:10:51,996
Mm-hmm. Free sample!
287
00:10:51,998 --> 00:10:53,364
Okay, well, I'm gonna loop around
288
00:10:53,366 --> 00:10:55,099
and I'll see you on the other side.
289
00:10:55,101 --> 00:10:58,503
Enjoy getting water critters
climbing up your binghole, okay?
290
00:10:58,505 --> 00:11:01,172
Okay, all right, whatever, A-dumb.
291
00:11:01,174 --> 00:11:02,440
- Good one.
- Dumb.
292
00:11:02,442 --> 00:11:03,941
It's actually really cold.
293
00:11:03,943 --> 00:11:07,912
[classical orchestral music]
294
00:11:07,914 --> 00:11:10,548
You sure there are only
three wolves out there?
295
00:11:10,550 --> 00:11:12,216
That's what the ranger
said on the phone.
296
00:11:12,218 --> 00:11:14,352
He said the small one might be rabid.
297
00:11:14,354 --> 00:11:16,287
Sheesh.
298
00:11:16,289 --> 00:11:19,123
Well, we better keep that
to ourselves, guys, okay?
299
00:11:19,125 --> 00:11:20,892
Aah! Get this leech off my tongue!
300
00:11:20,894 --> 00:11:23,227
Stop! Told you not to
go under the water!
301
00:11:23,229 --> 00:11:25,329
What are you talking about?
You've got leeches on your eyes.
302
00:11:25,331 --> 00:11:27,732
[both screaming]
303
00:11:27,734 --> 00:11:29,033
Why didn't you tell me?
304
00:11:29,035 --> 00:11:30,201
- Was a...
- You got one there.
305
00:11:30,203 --> 00:11:32,737
Beautiful walk.
306
00:11:32,739 --> 00:11:34,372
What happened to you two?
307
00:11:34,374 --> 00:11:35,707
[lisping] What, we just
took a couple laps.
308
00:11:35,709 --> 00:11:37,275
Just went swimming. Not a big deal.
309
00:11:37,277 --> 00:11:39,243
Why are you talking like that?
310
00:11:39,245 --> 00:11:42,246
Because Ders ripped a
leech off my tongue.
311
00:11:42,248 --> 00:11:43,881
And I think I'm catching a cold.
312
00:11:43,883 --> 00:11:44,949
And that's from the pond, the leech?
313
00:11:44,951 --> 00:11:46,417
- No, no, no.
- No, no.
314
00:11:46,419 --> 00:11:48,119
That has nothing to do with it.
Let's go.
315
00:11:48,121 --> 00:11:52,090
Guys! We got... pancakes.
316
00:11:52,092 --> 00:11:55,493
Guys?
317
00:11:55,495 --> 00:11:56,994
Oh, shit.
318
00:11:56,996 --> 00:11:59,497
Whoa, cool! A random
house in the woods!
319
00:11:59,499 --> 00:12:01,499
Adam, don't! Don't you get it?
320
00:12:01,501 --> 00:12:04,268
Nothing is random. This is
all part of their plan!
321
00:12:04,270 --> 00:12:08,272
Yeah, man, you go into that
cabin, it is like suicide, dude.
322
00:12:08,274 --> 00:12:09,807
The floor, it opens up,
323
00:12:09,809 --> 00:12:12,243
you fall in a bed of spikes!
324
00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:14,078
You're dead. Fatality-style.
325
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,546
So just stay out here and start a fire
326
00:12:15,548 --> 00:12:17,515
so we can get warm while
we think of a plan
327
00:12:17,517 --> 00:12:18,950
to get to safety.
328
00:12:18,952 --> 00:12:20,518
You got matches? You
got matches on you?
329
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,087
- Check your wet pockets.
- Check the barrel.
330
00:12:23,089 --> 00:12:25,456
There's not gonna be any
matches in the barrel...
331
00:12:25,458 --> 00:12:27,625
There are matches right here.
332
00:12:27,627 --> 00:12:31,195
Always check the barrel of the fire pit
333
00:12:31,197 --> 00:12:32,997
for matches to build a fire.
334
00:12:32,999 --> 00:12:35,633
That's, like, the first
place you should look.
335
00:12:35,635 --> 00:12:38,302
Well, how come I have
to build the fire?
336
00:12:38,304 --> 00:12:39,937
And I can't come up with a plan?
337
00:12:39,939 --> 00:12:41,506
I can make plans.
338
00:12:41,508 --> 00:12:43,374
Because we just watched
an environmental film
339
00:12:43,376 --> 00:12:46,110
about surviving an
emergency, and you didn't.
340
00:12:46,112 --> 00:12:48,012
Did you? I don't think so.
341
00:12:48,014 --> 00:12:50,281
So just gather some
kindling and make a fire,
342
00:12:50,283 --> 00:12:51,949
if you even know what kindling is.
343
00:12:51,951 --> 00:12:53,284
Do you even know what kindling is?
344
00:12:53,286 --> 00:12:54,952
Do you?
345
00:12:54,954 --> 00:12:57,555
Where I grew up, it was little sticks.
346
00:12:58,958 --> 00:13:01,125
You're a [bleep] idiot, Anders.
347
00:13:01,127 --> 00:13:03,561
[mumbling angrily]
348
00:13:03,563 --> 00:13:06,230
[exciting music]
349
00:13:06,232 --> 00:13:09,233
Oh, dude, what'd the guy do
in the environmental flick?
350
00:13:09,235 --> 00:13:10,968
Oh, yeah, that's right.
351
00:13:10,970 --> 00:13:12,336
He got to higher ground
352
00:13:12,338 --> 00:13:14,105
so he could get spotted
by the rescue copter.
353
00:13:14,107 --> 00:13:15,840
- Yes, okay.
- Do that...
354
00:13:15,842 --> 00:13:18,843
[spitting]
355
00:13:18,845 --> 00:13:20,444
[slobbering]
356
00:13:20,446 --> 00:13:22,380
What are you doing?
357
00:13:22,382 --> 00:13:24,549
I found an ATV on the
side of the house.
358
00:13:24,551 --> 00:13:26,050
What? Are you kidding me?
359
00:13:26,052 --> 00:13:27,652
That's great, man! Where'd you find it?
360
00:13:27,654 --> 00:13:28,753
Let's get on it! Let's get out of here!
361
00:13:28,755 --> 00:13:30,087
Hold on, I wasn't finished.
362
00:13:30,089 --> 00:13:31,823
And then I siphoned all the gas out
363
00:13:31,825 --> 00:13:33,391
so I could start the fire more quickly.
364
00:13:33,393 --> 00:13:35,426
- That was all the gas?
- Yeah, it was most of it.
365
00:13:35,428 --> 00:13:37,161
I swallowed... I swallowed a lot of it.
366
00:13:37,163 --> 00:13:39,197
- You buffoon!
- Those guys were right.
367
00:13:39,199 --> 00:13:41,666
I think you do have something
medically wrong with your brain.
368
00:13:44,938 --> 00:13:46,571
- What are you talking about?
- Should we tell him?
369
00:13:46,573 --> 00:13:50,107
Look, the reason we're
even on this trip
370
00:13:50,109 --> 00:13:54,278
is because those hunter guys
think you have brain damage!
371
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:55,913
- [laughs]
- We didn't want to tell you
372
00:13:55,915 --> 00:13:57,648
about it because we didn't
want to ruin this trip.
373
00:13:57,650 --> 00:13:59,617
- It's a nice free weekend.
- You're dumb, dude.
374
00:13:59,619 --> 00:14:01,185
It's just what it is.
375
00:14:01,187 --> 00:14:03,454
You guys think that
I've been the dumb one
376
00:14:03,456 --> 00:14:05,990
of our group since the
startening of our friendship.
377
00:14:05,992 --> 00:14:07,058
- Yeah.
- Yeah, since then.
378
00:14:07,060 --> 00:14:08,392
[melancholy music]
379
00:14:08,394 --> 00:14:10,528
I guess this is goodbye.
380
00:14:12,966 --> 00:14:14,565
Hey, Adam, wait.
381
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:16,801
I just wanted to say... psych!
382
00:14:16,803 --> 00:14:19,704
[laughs] Oh, my God,
keep walking, please.
383
00:14:19,706 --> 00:14:21,505
You're the bully. He's the dummy.
384
00:14:21,507 --> 00:14:23,274
And I'm just cool, I guess.
385
00:14:23,276 --> 00:14:24,942
[both laughing]
386
00:14:24,944 --> 00:14:26,878
- Oh, man.
- Speaking of cool.
387
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,881
I have a leech still on my dick.
388
00:14:29,883 --> 00:14:31,415
Oh, that's not cool.
389
00:14:31,417 --> 00:14:33,584
What do you mean? I'm
getting my [bleep] sucked.
390
00:14:33,586 --> 00:14:36,454
All right! Maybe I'm the dumb one.
391
00:14:36,456 --> 00:14:39,724
Okay, bye, former friends. Enjoy
your environmental films.
392
00:14:39,726 --> 00:14:42,326
Adam, come on. There isn't any gas.
393
00:14:42,328 --> 00:14:44,462
I know that! I know there's no gas.
394
00:14:44,464 --> 00:14:46,163
And I don't need any.
395
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,766
[grunting]
396
00:14:48,768 --> 00:14:50,234
He's crazy.
397
00:15:00,501 --> 00:15:03,435
[wolf howls]
398
00:15:09,219 --> 00:15:10,953
You hear that?
399
00:15:11,031 --> 00:15:13,898
We better find these guys
before the wolves do.
400
00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:15,567
Let's go.
401
00:15:15,569 --> 00:15:18,570
[dramatic music]
402
00:15:18,572 --> 00:15:20,372
Listen.
403
00:15:20,374 --> 00:15:22,574
They've got ATVs. Just
a joke to these guys.
404
00:15:22,576 --> 00:15:23,875
Come on, we got to get
to higher ground!
405
00:15:23,877 --> 00:15:26,711
No. Adam's our friend.
406
00:15:26,713 --> 00:15:30,115
If we don't fight back, there's
no way he's surviving this game.
407
00:15:30,117 --> 00:15:31,649
So are you with me?
408
00:15:31,651 --> 00:15:34,819
Fine. Okay Predator shake?
409
00:15:34,821 --> 00:15:36,588
Yeah.
410
00:15:36,590 --> 00:15:38,089
Wait... yeah. What is that?
411
00:15:38,091 --> 00:15:39,624
I'm so... I don't even know.
412
00:15:39,626 --> 00:15:41,393
Hit me with a beast master.
413
00:15:41,395 --> 00:15:44,129
- That's where I got that.
- Predator, up top.
414
00:15:44,131 --> 00:15:47,098
[dramatic percussive music]
415
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:54,038
416
00:15:58,945 --> 00:16:00,311
Okay, here they come.
417
00:16:00,313 --> 00:16:02,080
Just hold on the pants really tight.
418
00:16:02,082 --> 00:16:05,083
Pull, when they drive through,
we knock them off the ATVs.
419
00:16:05,085 --> 00:16:09,020
Yeah. This is a really smart plan.
420
00:16:09,022 --> 00:16:10,522
One, two...
421
00:16:15,929 --> 00:16:18,129
What the heck was that?
422
00:16:18,131 --> 00:16:23,334
423
00:16:23,336 --> 00:16:25,136
- [laughing manically]
- Yeah!
424
00:16:25,138 --> 00:16:27,372
Looks like the script is flipped.
425
00:16:27,374 --> 00:16:29,340
That's right. Good luck hunting people
426
00:16:29,342 --> 00:16:30,875
without any bullets, boys!
427
00:16:30,877 --> 00:16:32,610
How's this work?
428
00:16:32,612 --> 00:16:35,847
[gunshots]
429
00:16:35,849 --> 00:16:38,116
Oh! Ow!
430
00:16:38,118 --> 00:16:40,518
Yeah, it's okay. Keep... oww!
431
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,619
Oh, that really...
432
00:16:41,621 --> 00:16:43,655
[gunshots]
433
00:16:43,657 --> 00:16:44,989
- Mm, I think that's it.
- [gunshot]
434
00:16:44,991 --> 00:16:46,825
- Ow!
- Nope, that's not it.
435
00:16:46,827 --> 00:16:48,460
All right, yep, I'm out. I'm all out.
I'm all out.
436
00:16:48,462 --> 00:16:49,861
- I'm out.
- Back to back. Back to back.
437
00:16:49,863 --> 00:16:51,362
What the hell is the matter with you?
438
00:16:51,364 --> 00:16:52,897
Oh, come on, man. We're on to you.
439
00:16:52,899 --> 00:16:54,732
We know all about your sick plan.
440
00:16:54,734 --> 00:16:56,734
Hunting humans just because
they're not as smart as you.
441
00:16:56,736 --> 00:16:58,703
The heck are you talking
about, hunting people?
442
00:16:58,705 --> 00:17:00,438
Oh, come on. The gig is up.
443
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,475
I heard you no the phone saying
"the little one is the target."
444
00:17:03,477 --> 00:17:05,143
I saw the plaque with Adam's name on it
445
00:17:05,145 --> 00:17:07,412
where his severed head
was supposed to go!
446
00:17:07,414 --> 00:17:11,583
We're hunting wolves to protect you!
447
00:17:11,585 --> 00:17:13,351
There were three sighted around here,
448
00:17:13,353 --> 00:17:14,752
and one of them might be rabid.
449
00:17:14,754 --> 00:17:16,921
The plaque is for his picture.
450
00:17:16,923 --> 00:17:18,923
We make one for every guest of honor.
451
00:17:18,925 --> 00:17:22,327
Okay, okay, so even if
this way more plausible
452
00:17:22,329 --> 00:17:25,063
explanation is true,
what's with this guy here?
453
00:17:25,065 --> 00:17:28,066
He has a brain injury from concussions.
454
00:17:28,068 --> 00:17:29,734
He was the first guest of honor here.
455
00:17:29,736 --> 00:17:32,570
Ever since I was in the XFL,
456
00:17:32,572 --> 00:17:34,706
I've been in constant pain...
457
00:17:34,708 --> 00:17:36,941
I'm sorry, did you just
say you were in the XFL?
458
00:17:36,943 --> 00:17:40,845
Oh, my God, dude! The
XFL is legendary, man!
459
00:17:40,847 --> 00:17:42,547
Did you know He Hate Me?
460
00:17:42,549 --> 00:17:44,716
Did he like you? Would he like me?
461
00:17:44,718 --> 00:17:49,220
He Hate Me loved me, but the point is,
462
00:17:49,222 --> 00:17:52,624
my life has been a constant torment...
463
00:17:52,626 --> 00:17:54,292
What team you were on?
Were you on the Outlaws?
464
00:17:54,294 --> 00:17:55,727
Or were you... ooh, Maniax.
465
00:17:55,729 --> 00:17:57,095
You were on the Maniax.
I recognize you.
466
00:17:57,097 --> 00:17:58,263
You are a maniac.
467
00:17:58,265 --> 00:17:59,931
Wolves.
468
00:17:59,933 --> 00:18:01,900
- Oh, you're the Wolves, okay.
- Hey, mad respect.
469
00:18:01,902 --> 00:18:03,701
Not necessarily the Maniax.
They were cool.
470
00:18:03,703 --> 00:18:06,070
- Where is that, Duluth?
- No, I think from Washington.
471
00:18:06,072 --> 00:18:08,640
No, no, actual wolves.
472
00:18:08,642 --> 00:18:10,308
Look behind you, you morons!
473
00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:11,776
- Oh, wolves!
- Oh, oh, oh!
474
00:18:11,778 --> 00:18:13,244
I don't want to die, man.
475
00:18:13,246 --> 00:18:16,047
I never got to be
Deadpool for Halloween.
476
00:18:16,049 --> 00:18:17,916
Was never in a threesome.
477
00:18:17,918 --> 00:18:19,651
At least one that I was
allowed to participate in.
478
00:18:19,653 --> 00:18:23,588
Yahh! Ders, you can still
have your threesome, my man.
479
00:18:23,590 --> 00:18:26,257
And Blake, you'll get to do
the thing that you wanna do,
480
00:18:26,259 --> 00:18:28,826
even though I was too far away
to hear exactly what that was.
481
00:18:28,828 --> 00:18:30,295
Here, kitty! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!
482
00:18:30,297 --> 00:18:32,063
Adam, where'd you get the flare, man?
483
00:18:32,065 --> 00:18:33,598
I got it from the cabin.
484
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,600
I took a shower and I
also ate some peaches.
485
00:18:35,602 --> 00:18:37,035
But while I was eating those peaches,
486
00:18:37,037 --> 00:18:39,170
I thought there's no way
487
00:18:39,172 --> 00:18:41,005
that I can let my friends be killed
488
00:18:41,007 --> 00:18:45,276
by these freaking murderous,
villainous businessmen!
489
00:18:45,278 --> 00:18:48,112
Because not saving your friends,
490
00:18:48,114 --> 00:18:49,514
that really is stupid.
491
00:18:49,516 --> 00:18:50,848
Right, so, uh...
492
00:18:50,850 --> 00:18:52,517
not actually killer business dudes.
493
00:18:52,519 --> 00:18:54,085
We didn't know. He didn't know.
494
00:18:54,087 --> 00:18:55,320
Come on, man, throw, like,
the flare at the wolves.
495
00:18:55,322 --> 00:18:56,521
Make 'em go away.
496
00:18:56,523 --> 00:18:58,323
Shh.
497
00:18:58,325 --> 00:19:00,158
Adam, Adam, what are you doing?
498
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,960
Do not be stupid, okay?
499
00:19:01,962 --> 00:19:04,529
Just listen to the intelligent
people, for once!
500
00:19:04,531 --> 00:19:07,298
There are different kinds
of intelligence, Anders.
501
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:10,501
There's environmental film
watching intelligence.
502
00:19:10,503 --> 00:19:12,670
[retches]
503
00:19:12,672 --> 00:19:14,439
There's artificial intelligence,
504
00:19:14,441 --> 00:19:17,141
and there's the kind of
intelligence that I have.
505
00:19:17,143 --> 00:19:20,178
The knowing that when you
swallow a bunch of gasoline,
506
00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:22,547
it'll turn your puke...
507
00:19:22,549 --> 00:19:24,215
into fireballs.
508
00:19:24,217 --> 00:19:27,018
Intelligence.
509
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:30,455
[retching]
510
00:19:30,457 --> 00:19:31,956
Ah, it's worse coming back up.
511
00:19:31,958 --> 00:19:34,125
Okay... Shh...
512
00:19:34,127 --> 00:19:36,561
it's okay, little kitty.
513
00:19:36,563 --> 00:19:38,563
[rock music]
514
00:19:38,565 --> 00:19:40,064
Ahh!
515
00:19:43,036 --> 00:19:44,202
[wolves whimpering]
516
00:19:44,204 --> 00:19:46,504
[all cheering]
517
00:19:46,506 --> 00:19:49,440
It worked! The wolves,
they're running away!
518
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,602
We lied about Adam.
519
00:19:57,603 --> 00:20:00,237
He doesn't actually have any
kind of brain problems,
520
00:20:00,239 --> 00:20:03,707
but we wanted a free trip, so...
521
00:20:03,709 --> 00:20:05,776
obviously not even the
dumbest guy in our group.
522
00:20:05,778 --> 00:20:07,378
There's no dumb one in your group
523
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:09,747
because you're all
equal [bleep] idiots.
524
00:20:09,749 --> 00:20:10,814
If we don't get contain this fire,
525
00:20:10,816 --> 00:20:12,583
the whole forest could burn.
526
00:20:12,585 --> 00:20:16,387
Wait. What about that human
penis I saw in the jar?
527
00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:19,156
Oh, uh... shh.
528
00:20:19,158 --> 00:20:21,892
Guys, I have too much money, okay?
529
00:20:21,894 --> 00:20:23,494
And with the Internet, forget about it.
530
00:20:23,496 --> 00:20:26,163
So, safe drive, okay?
531
00:20:26,165 --> 00:20:27,631
Internet's a weird place, man.
532
00:20:27,633 --> 00:20:29,099
I guess if I had, like,
a billion dollars,
533
00:20:29,101 --> 00:20:31,101
I might want a dick.
534
00:20:31,103 --> 00:20:33,270
Hey, I think I know what we could watch
535
00:20:33,272 --> 00:20:35,806
on the way home. I still
have it on my phone.
536
00:20:35,808 --> 00:20:38,709
The environmental film?
That'd be awesome, dude.
537
00:20:38,711 --> 00:20:40,678
Dude, if you liked
"Central Intelligence,"
538
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:41,979
you'll love this movie.
539
00:20:41,981 --> 00:20:43,480
It's got Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
540
00:20:43,482 --> 00:20:45,282
- He's a... he's a mogul.
- Mm-hmm.
541
00:20:45,284 --> 00:20:47,918
- What's it called?
- "San Andreas."
542
00:20:50,156 --> 00:20:51,822
I don't understand. What'd he say?
543
00:20:51,824 --> 00:20:54,892
- "San Andreas."
- Oh, okay, cool, yeah.
544
00:20:54,894 --> 00:20:56,060
Nice.
545
00:20:56,628 --> 00:21:00,495
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546
00:21:00,545 --> 00:21:05,095
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