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1
00:00:00,413 --> 00:00:01,746
You know, I just wasn't, you know,
2
00:00:02,873 --> 00:00:04,706
happy with my current look.
3
00:00:04,708 --> 00:00:06,641
So I'm... I'm trying something
new, what do you think?
4
00:00:06,643 --> 00:00:08,810
Steampunk...
5
00:00:08,812 --> 00:00:10,345
or smoke-punk?
6
00:00:10,347 --> 00:00:12,113
Dude, just go "Waterworld,"
7
00:00:12,115 --> 00:00:13,949
take those clothes off.
8
00:00:13,951 --> 00:00:15,250
Yes! I love that.
9
00:00:15,252 --> 00:00:16,852
Hey, check me out, okay...
10
00:00:16,854 --> 00:00:18,286
- You're a genius.
- I'm here for you, man.
11
00:00:18,288 --> 00:00:19,254
Stop doing what you're
doing and watch me.
12
00:00:19,256 --> 00:00:22,224
Okay, one, two... [groans]
13
00:00:22,226 --> 00:00:23,492
- It's okay.
- Almost got a record.
14
00:00:23,494 --> 00:00:24,693
- Oh, shoot.
- What are you doing?
15
00:00:24,695 --> 00:00:25,994
- Are those my keys, man?
- They are.
16
00:00:25,996 --> 00:00:27,395
And I'm gonna get a record, watch.
17
00:00:27,397 --> 00:00:29,364
- Shoot.
- You're gonna bend my CVS card.
18
00:00:29,366 --> 00:00:30,699
Ow, why are you doing that?
19
00:00:30,701 --> 00:00:32,133
Do you not want me to get discounts?
20
00:00:32,135 --> 00:00:33,702
- It's understandable.
- You ru...
21
00:00:33,704 --> 00:00:35,537
Whoa, look who it is,
22
00:00:35,539 --> 00:00:37,706
Bill the Thrill.
23
00:00:37,708 --> 00:00:38,874
Cool tie.
24
00:00:38,876 --> 00:00:39,875
What's... what's up with that?
25
00:00:39,877 --> 00:00:41,142
Cool, right?
26
00:00:41,144 --> 00:00:42,644
It was actually my mom's.
27
00:00:42,646 --> 00:00:45,847
See, it's a Polynesian green turtle,
28
00:00:45,849 --> 00:00:47,315
found mainly in Tahiti.
29
00:00:47,317 --> 00:00:49,050
Wow, Bill, you're explaining it
30
00:00:49,052 --> 00:00:50,986
like we care. And we don't!
31
00:00:50,988 --> 00:00:52,654
We don't, and honestly,
32
00:00:52,656 --> 00:00:54,222
only Blake gets to wear
stupid stuff like that.
33
00:00:54,224 --> 00:00:56,191
Yeah, I am the office fashionista
34
00:00:56,193 --> 00:00:58,593
and, uh, that is not a tie.
35
00:00:58,595 --> 00:01:00,795
It's a loss. [laughter]
36
00:01:00,797 --> 00:01:02,497
That was really funny. You
just thought of that?
37
00:01:02,499 --> 00:01:03,698
Oh, wait a second.
38
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,233
Speaking of fashion,
39
00:01:05,235 --> 00:01:06,801
Bill, what's with your pants 'cause
40
00:01:06,803 --> 00:01:08,236
it looks like you're popping a boner!
41
00:01:08,238 --> 00:01:10,372
Oh, you... you're fully engorged!
42
00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:11,773
Right?
43
00:01:11,775 --> 00:01:13,575
Uh, that's just how
the pants lay, guys.
44
00:01:13,577 --> 00:01:14,743
- Nope.
- Uh, really?
45
00:01:14,745 --> 00:01:16,077
Yeah, your pants lay with
46
00:01:16,079 --> 00:01:17,546
a gigantic hard dick inside of them?
47
00:01:17,548 --> 00:01:19,180
Uh, nah, I don't think so.
48
00:01:19,182 --> 00:01:20,615
I think your little turtle
49
00:01:20,617 --> 00:01:22,384
is poking its head out of its shell.
50
00:01:22,386 --> 00:01:23,752
[laughter]
51
00:01:23,754 --> 00:01:24,786
[dramatic whoosh]
52
00:01:24,788 --> 00:01:26,621
They weren't wrong.
53
00:01:26,623 --> 00:01:29,591
I'd been playing pocket
pool on the ride over.
54
00:01:29,593 --> 00:01:30,859
And I was hard.
55
00:01:30,861 --> 00:01:32,360
[keys clink]
56
00:01:32,362 --> 00:01:34,896
But these dip-[bleep] had no idea
57
00:01:34,898 --> 00:01:37,032
how hard I could actually get.
58
00:01:37,034 --> 00:01:40,035
[dramatic music]
59
00:01:40,037 --> 00:01:43,638
60
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:44,940
[bones crunch]
61
00:01:44,942 --> 00:01:45,941
[plaster breaks]
62
00:01:45,943 --> 00:01:47,375
[whooshing]
63
00:01:47,377 --> 00:01:49,544
64
00:01:49,546 --> 00:01:50,478
[squelch]
65
00:01:54,918 --> 00:01:57,552
[chuckles] Guilty as charged.
66
00:01:57,554 --> 00:01:58,987
You guys are hilarious.
67
00:01:58,989 --> 00:02:00,055
Thank you.
68
00:02:00,057 --> 00:02:01,022
- Thank you.
- We know.
69
00:02:01,024 --> 00:02:02,390
- Yes.
- Roasted.
70
00:02:02,392 --> 00:02:05,427
[The Skinny Boys' "Jock Box"]
71
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:09,726
Synced and corrected by MasterCookie
- www.addic7ed.com -
72
00:02:10,968 --> 00:02:14,402
Gotta be fresh
73
00:02:14,404 --> 00:02:17,505
- [office phones ringing]
-
Baby
74
00:02:17,507 --> 00:02:19,207
[sultry music on computer]
75
00:02:19,209 --> 00:02:21,009
Oh, hey, Bill, um, remember,
76
00:02:21,011 --> 00:02:22,911
I need you to head to TAC-Long Beach
77
00:02:22,913 --> 00:02:25,814
and return those thermal
hunting vision goggle things
78
00:02:25,816 --> 00:02:27,616
we borrowed for the sales demo, kay?
79
00:02:27,618 --> 00:02:29,651
Yeah, topped off the tank this morning.
80
00:02:29,653 --> 00:02:31,620
Well, great. Get going then.
81
00:02:31,622 --> 00:02:34,155
'Cause you were late last time,
and I had to deal with Roger
82
00:02:34,157 --> 00:02:36,658
from TAC-LBC saying how
I run a loose ship.
83
00:02:36,660 --> 00:02:38,660
- [dramatic music]
- This ship isn't loose.
84
00:02:38,662 --> 00:02:41,262
It's full of holes and sinking fast.
85
00:02:41,264 --> 00:02:43,098
I'd like to toss you overboard
86
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:45,500
and let the sharks rip you apart.
87
00:02:45,502 --> 00:02:47,669
I'm sorry you had to deal with that,
88
00:02:47,671 --> 00:02:50,105
I think you run one hell
of a tight ship, Captain.
89
00:02:50,107 --> 00:02:53,141
Shut up, Bill. Kiss ass.
90
00:02:53,143 --> 00:02:54,609
You want me to go with him?
91
00:02:54,611 --> 00:02:56,311
Make sure he's on time,
92
00:02:56,313 --> 00:02:57,646
doesn't stop off at The Wizarding World
93
00:02:57,648 --> 00:02:59,547
of Harry Potter, get a butterbeer.
94
00:02:59,549 --> 00:03:01,783
- [dramatic music]
- Stay in your lane, Tez.
95
00:03:01,785 --> 00:03:03,318
This ain't the day.
96
00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,653
Mm, good point.
97
00:03:04,655 --> 00:03:06,054
Bill, Montez is going with you.
98
00:03:06,056 --> 00:03:08,156
- Yeah.
- God freaking damn it.
99
00:03:08,158 --> 00:03:10,859
Okey-dokey, Captain, not a problem.
100
00:03:10,861 --> 00:03:12,494
But it is a problem
101
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,996
because he's not part of the plan.
102
00:03:14,998 --> 00:03:18,333
And this mission has to
go exactly as planned.
103
00:03:18,335 --> 00:03:19,534
[brooding dramatic music]
104
00:03:19,536 --> 00:03:22,103
There's no room for error.
105
00:03:22,105 --> 00:03:24,139
There never is.
106
00:03:24,141 --> 00:03:27,509
So I have Yelped the
best Arby's on the way
107
00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:29,377
because they got this off-menu sandwich
108
00:03:29,379 --> 00:03:31,312
called "The Meat Mountain."
109
00:03:31,314 --> 00:03:33,882
Bill, where the hell'd you
get this super dope brief...
110
00:03:33,884 --> 00:03:35,417
Don't touch that!
111
00:03:35,419 --> 00:03:36,885
Sorry, I... I don't mean to yell,
112
00:03:36,887 --> 00:03:39,888
- just put it in the backseat.
- Okay.
113
00:03:39,890 --> 00:03:41,723
[grunts]
114
00:03:41,725 --> 00:03:42,891
Look,
115
00:03:42,893 --> 00:03:44,459
I'm sorry I'm tagging along,
116
00:03:44,461 --> 00:03:46,728
but I'm just having some
serious marital problems
117
00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:48,830
and I need to, like, bro down.
118
00:03:48,832 --> 00:03:51,266
Okay, what's on your mind,
my cubicle brother?
119
00:03:51,268 --> 00:03:52,434
[tires squeal]
120
00:03:52,436 --> 00:03:54,269
Me and Colleen, we in a bad place.
121
00:03:54,271 --> 00:03:57,372
This blue car's been behind
me for the last mile.
122
00:03:57,374 --> 00:03:59,107
You're being paranoid, Bill.
123
00:03:59,109 --> 00:04:02,043
Nobody knows the drop-off is today.
124
00:04:02,045 --> 00:04:03,712
She got this whole cuckolding fantasy
125
00:04:03,714 --> 00:04:06,548
where she has sex with
another dude while I watch,
126
00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,349
but we just can't find the
right guy for the job.
127
00:04:08,351 --> 00:04:09,784
And she think I don't want to do it,
128
00:04:09,786 --> 00:04:11,886
think I'm stalling,
but I want to do it.
129
00:04:11,888 --> 00:04:14,289
You know how freaky I am.
I'll get cuckolded.
130
00:04:14,291 --> 00:04:15,857
It's pronounced "cuckolding"
131
00:04:15,859 --> 00:04:18,493
but what she wants is to be hotwifed.
132
00:04:18,495 --> 00:04:20,228
You think you're so freaky,
133
00:04:20,230 --> 00:04:22,597
but you're as vanilla as they come.
134
00:04:22,599 --> 00:04:25,233
Dude, I eat a [bleep].
135
00:04:25,235 --> 00:04:27,969
You guys have some crazy life.
136
00:04:27,971 --> 00:04:29,070
Hope you find the guy.
137
00:04:29,072 --> 00:04:30,605
Thanks, Bill.
138
00:04:30,607 --> 00:04:32,907
- [chimes]
- I just love her so much.
139
00:04:32,909 --> 00:04:33,942
- [engine revving]
- [dramatic music]
140
00:04:33,944 --> 00:04:35,477
And what exactly
141
00:04:35,479 --> 00:04:37,912
do you think you're doing, blue car?
142
00:04:37,914 --> 00:04:39,380
You want to get some lunch?
143
00:04:39,382 --> 00:04:41,449
Oh! Let's get that Meat Mountain.
144
00:04:41,451 --> 00:04:43,785
Arby's here we come
145
00:04:43,787 --> 00:04:45,420
Actually,
146
00:04:45,422 --> 00:04:47,088
I was thinking more like...
147
00:04:47,090 --> 00:04:48,323
[dramatic sting]
148
00:04:48,325 --> 00:04:50,391
- Chinese.
- Mm.
149
00:04:50,393 --> 00:04:53,394
[dramatic electronic music]
150
00:04:53,396 --> 00:04:54,362
151
00:04:54,364 --> 00:04:55,396
[tires squeal]
152
00:04:55,398 --> 00:04:58,333
153
00:04:58,335 --> 00:05:01,903
You know, we should ask if
they have any off-menu items.
154
00:05:01,905 --> 00:05:03,605
[cell phone ringtone]
155
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:05,807
Hello?
156
00:05:05,809 --> 00:05:07,108
Bill, that's rude.
157
00:05:07,110 --> 00:05:08,910
Okay.
158
00:05:08,912 --> 00:05:14,382
3031 Factory Place.
159
00:05:14,384 --> 00:05:16,751
One of your hos?
160
00:05:16,753 --> 00:05:17,719
[sighs]
161
00:05:17,721 --> 00:05:19,320
Sorry.
162
00:05:19,322 --> 00:05:21,990
We should get some egg rolls.
163
00:05:21,992 --> 00:05:24,092
You know what, let's get
two orders of egg rolls
164
00:05:24,094 --> 00:05:26,427
'cause I don't think they
give us enough egg rolls.
165
00:05:26,429 --> 00:05:28,029
I can tell by this order right here.
166
00:05:28,031 --> 00:05:30,632
Okay, closest exit is
through the kitchen.
167
00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:32,700
- [dramatic music]
- Was he looking at me?
168
00:05:32,702 --> 00:05:35,303
Did he just say my name?
169
00:05:35,305 --> 00:05:37,939
Damn, she's got to be, like, 90.
170
00:05:37,941 --> 00:05:38,973
Tight body though.
171
00:05:38,975 --> 00:05:40,475
172
00:05:40,477 --> 00:05:41,476
I wouldn't mind eating her [bleep].
173
00:05:41,478 --> 00:05:42,777
- Oh!
- Ow!
174
00:05:42,779 --> 00:05:44,345
My... what the hell?
175
00:05:44,347 --> 00:05:46,314
Briefcase! There it is.
176
00:05:46,316 --> 00:05:48,049
My apologies, that was an accident.
177
00:05:48,051 --> 00:05:50,318
I call bull[bleep].
178
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,253
You know, your apology
is not gonna pay for
179
00:05:52,255 --> 00:05:53,688
my man's dry cleaning.
180
00:05:53,690 --> 00:05:55,456
So I think you should give
us some free egg rolls
181
00:05:55,458 --> 00:05:56,991
and some kung pao chicken.
182
00:05:56,993 --> 00:05:58,493
Yeah, I'm sorry about the mess,
183
00:05:58,495 --> 00:06:00,328
but I can't give you free food.
184
00:06:00,330 --> 00:06:01,896
You better give us some free something.
185
00:06:01,898 --> 00:06:03,364
'Cause you about to see my
crouching tiger, hidden
186
00:06:03,366 --> 00:06:04,399
wha-pow!
187
00:06:04,401 --> 00:06:06,201
- Wha-pow!
- Bro.
188
00:06:06,203 --> 00:06:07,302
You need to calm down.
189
00:06:07,304 --> 00:06:08,970
Calm down? Mother[bleep].
190
00:06:08,972 --> 00:06:11,206
You just spilled some hot-ass
soup on my man's nuts.
191
00:06:11,208 --> 00:06:13,174
You could at least pick up the tab.
192
00:06:13,176 --> 00:06:14,709
Tez, please.
193
00:06:14,711 --> 00:06:16,211
Look, he's a little testy
194
00:06:16,213 --> 00:06:19,147
because his wife has this
cuckolding fantasy...
195
00:06:19,149 --> 00:06:20,982
- Why would you tell...
- She can hold my cuck anytime.
196
00:06:20,984 --> 00:06:22,550
What did you say?
197
00:06:22,552 --> 00:06:24,018
It's like that, huh? Huh?
198
00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:25,353
- You don't want it.
- Let's do this!
199
00:06:25,355 --> 00:06:26,988
[grunting]
200
00:06:26,990 --> 00:06:29,357
Oh, Bill! Goddamn!
201
00:06:29,359 --> 00:06:30,892
- [blow lands]
- Uh!
202
00:06:30,894 --> 00:06:32,060
Where did you learn to fight?
203
00:06:32,062 --> 00:06:33,194
You know you should have let me...
204
00:06:33,196 --> 00:06:34,562
oh, Bill, your briefcase.
205
00:06:34,564 --> 00:06:35,964
God [bleep] damn it.
206
00:06:35,966 --> 00:06:37,565
Bill. God damn it.
207
00:06:37,567 --> 00:06:40,201
Let me just get one egg
roll for the road.
208
00:06:40,203 --> 00:06:41,736
No, [bleep].
209
00:06:41,738 --> 00:06:43,504
You know what? Better
take five for the road,
210
00:06:43,506 --> 00:06:45,240
you never know, you know what I mean?
211
00:06:45,242 --> 00:06:47,308
- [upbeat hip-hop music]
-
He's insane
212
00:07:37,894 --> 00:07:37,992
you never know, you know what I mean?
213
00:06:52,352 --> 00:06:55,386
[intense dramatic music]
214
00:06:55,388 --> 00:07:02,327
215
00:07:03,274 --> 00:07:05,040
_
216
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:09,678
Damn!
217
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,546
Who the hell... Bill!
218
00:07:13,117 --> 00:07:14,650
[slow-motion whoosh]
219
00:07:26,730 --> 00:07:29,298
Bill! Bill!
220
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:30,465
[woodwind music]
221
00:07:30,467 --> 00:07:33,635
Whoa, cool, turtles.
222
00:07:33,637 --> 00:07:34,703
Come on!
223
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:37,706
[dramatic music]
224
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:38,907
225
00:07:38,909 --> 00:07:40,309
Ah!
226
00:07:40,311 --> 00:07:41,543
Hey!
227
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:42,577
[panting]
228
00:07:42,579 --> 00:07:44,513
- [grunts]
- [egg roll thuds]
229
00:07:44,515 --> 00:07:45,747
That's my friend's briefcase!
230
00:07:45,749 --> 00:07:46,782
Put it down!
231
00:07:46,784 --> 00:07:49,318
[lively dramatic music]
232
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,586
Oh, my God.
233
00:07:51,588 --> 00:07:54,089
Well, how the... hell did he...
234
00:07:54,091 --> 00:07:55,324
Don't move!
235
00:07:55,326 --> 00:07:56,325
What?
236
00:07:56,327 --> 00:07:57,993
Don't move!
237
00:07:57,995 --> 00:07:59,728
Bill, what?
238
00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:01,763
Oh!
239
00:08:01,765 --> 00:08:04,733
What the...
240
00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:06,368
You welcome!
241
00:08:06,370 --> 00:08:07,936
He like a old-ass Spider-Man.
242
00:08:07,938 --> 00:08:10,272
You're making a big mistake!
243
00:08:10,274 --> 00:08:12,674
You don't know who
you're stealing from!
244
00:08:17,214 --> 00:08:19,548
Bill, who are these people?
245
00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:20,916
- Ready?
- For what?
246
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,951
- To fly!
- Oh, my God, Bill!
247
00:08:22,953 --> 00:08:24,553
[screams]
248
00:08:27,124 --> 00:08:29,057
Bill! Help!
249
00:08:29,059 --> 00:08:30,058
I didn't make it!
250
00:08:30,060 --> 00:08:31,293
Those egg rolls... [bleep]
251
00:08:31,295 --> 00:08:32,894
Here, give me your other hand!
252
00:08:32,896 --> 00:08:34,196
Ah, it too greasy, Bill!
253
00:08:34,198 --> 00:08:36,098
The egg roll! I'm slipping.
254
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:38,233
Tell my wife I love her! Ah!
255
00:08:38,235 --> 00:08:40,268
[screaming]
256
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,636
Oh, Bill?
257
00:08:41,638 --> 00:08:44,606
[uplifting orchestral music]
258
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:48,310
259
00:08:48,312 --> 00:08:49,945
[panting]
260
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:53,448
Bill! Oh, my God, Bill.
261
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,250
Oh, you so strong.
262
00:08:55,252 --> 00:08:56,985
God damn, Bill.
263
00:08:56,987 --> 00:08:58,153
What do...
264
00:08:58,155 --> 00:08:59,287
[funky dramatic music]
265
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,756
Nice catch.
266
00:09:00,758 --> 00:09:03,325
You have time for a brief chat?
267
00:09:03,327 --> 00:09:05,193
268
00:09:05,195 --> 00:09:06,628
Bill, who are all these people?
269
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:07,829
What the hell is happening?
270
00:09:07,831 --> 00:09:10,132
Sometimes I provide transportation
271
00:09:10,134 --> 00:09:12,134
for certain things for certain people.
272
00:09:12,136 --> 00:09:13,568
So, like, you running drugs?
273
00:09:13,570 --> 00:09:15,103
I'm just the transportation.
274
00:09:15,105 --> 00:09:16,505
That's definitely drugs.
275
00:09:16,507 --> 00:09:18,573
Like I said, I don't know.
276
00:09:18,575 --> 00:09:20,475
It's just a paycheck.
277
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:21,676
So they got paychecks in here?
278
00:09:21,678 --> 00:09:23,478
I don't know what's inside!
279
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,180
I do it for the money.
280
00:09:25,182 --> 00:09:27,149
Lots of money.
281
00:09:27,151 --> 00:09:28,850
What can I say?
282
00:09:28,852 --> 00:09:30,619
I like shiny things.
283
00:09:30,621 --> 00:09:32,821
Gentlemen, please,
284
00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:34,623
these men are playing ping-pong.
285
00:09:34,625 --> 00:09:36,358
Show some respect
286
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:37,692
and shut the [bleep] up!
287
00:09:37,694 --> 00:09:39,694
[tense dramatic music]
288
00:09:39,696 --> 00:09:41,696
Oh, my God.
289
00:09:41,698 --> 00:09:45,500
You don't want to tell me the
code to your little briefcase?
290
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:47,536
I understand.
291
00:09:47,538 --> 00:09:50,372
You are a man of great honor.
292
00:09:50,374 --> 00:09:53,442
The thing is, I am a woman
293
00:09:53,444 --> 00:09:54,976
of great curiosity.
294
00:09:54,978 --> 00:09:57,312
So I just have to know
what you got in there.
295
00:09:57,314 --> 00:09:58,814
He'll never get that open.
296
00:09:58,816 --> 00:10:00,916
I ordered it special from OfficeMax,
297
00:10:00,918 --> 00:10:03,652
and it's got a state-of-the-art
locking system.
298
00:10:03,654 --> 00:10:06,688
[dramatic music pounds]
299
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,223
300
00:10:08,225 --> 00:10:10,125
Well, well, well.
301
00:10:10,127 --> 00:10:11,960
What do we have here?
302
00:10:11,962 --> 00:10:13,695
Turtle eggs.
303
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,498
Why'd it have to be turtle eggs?
304
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:19,768
Mmm, look like a three-toed
box turtle egg...
305
00:10:19,770 --> 00:10:21,837
They're Polynesian green, you dumb-ass.
306
00:10:21,839 --> 00:10:24,072
Three-toed box eggs are half the size.
307
00:10:24,074 --> 00:10:25,640
Even better.
308
00:10:25,642 --> 00:10:29,411
I can get, what, 10K a
pop for these puppies?
309
00:10:29,413 --> 00:10:31,046
What?
310
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:34,049
They're supposed to be
quite the aphrodisiac.
311
00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:36,718
Who is your buyer?
312
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,254
I forgot.
313
00:10:39,256 --> 00:10:41,923
What a pretty face you have.
314
00:10:41,925 --> 00:10:44,526
Eyebrows are a little bushy though.
315
00:10:44,528 --> 00:10:47,062
Why doesn't Jimmy give you a trim?
316
00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:49,498
[tense music]
317
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:51,066
[electric knife grinds]
318
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,534
Bill, these people ain't playing,
319
00:10:52,536 --> 00:10:53,869
will you just tell 'em!
320
00:10:53,871 --> 00:10:55,537
Be quiet and let me handle this.
321
00:10:55,539 --> 00:10:57,172
- [knife grinds]
- Oh, my God.
322
00:10:57,174 --> 00:10:58,173
[groaning]
323
00:10:58,175 --> 00:10:59,341
Wait!
324
00:10:59,343 --> 00:11:00,609
Wait.
325
00:11:00,611 --> 00:11:02,210
It's in his back pocket on a napkin.
326
00:11:02,212 --> 00:11:03,278
I saw him write it.
327
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:04,679
Shut the [bleep] up, Montez.
328
00:11:04,681 --> 00:11:05,847
I'm trying to help you, Bill.
329
00:11:05,849 --> 00:11:07,082
In case you haven't noticed,
330
00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:09,384
this crazy bitch is trying to kill us.
331
00:11:09,386 --> 00:11:11,119
[seedy piano music]
332
00:11:11,121 --> 00:11:12,387
[gasps]
333
00:11:12,389 --> 00:11:13,622
It's the Triad, isn't it?
334
00:11:13,624 --> 00:11:14,623
What the...
335
00:11:14,625 --> 00:11:16,124
Excellent.
336
00:11:16,126 --> 00:11:18,760
I always wanted to do
business with them.
337
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:22,867
_
338
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,300
Jimmy, why don't you stay here
339
00:11:25,302 --> 00:11:26,468
and have fun with your new friends?
340
00:11:26,470 --> 00:11:27,936
Oh, [bleep].
341
00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:30,305
And don't forget to feed the eels.
342
00:11:30,307 --> 00:11:31,973
[cackles]
343
00:11:31,975 --> 00:11:33,074
What is wrong with that bitch?
344
00:11:33,076 --> 00:11:34,809
You're making a mistake!
345
00:11:34,811 --> 00:11:37,479
The Triad only deals with me!
346
00:11:37,481 --> 00:11:39,614
Hey, man, don't kill us.
347
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,650
I got a wife. I got kids.
348
00:11:41,652 --> 00:11:43,118
Do you have children?
349
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,787
No, but I have an eel
that needs to be fed.
350
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,590
Oh, [bleep], he got to
feed his eel, Bill.
351
00:11:48,592 --> 00:11:50,292
Before you kill us, there's something
352
00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:53,094
you and your boss might want to know.
353
00:11:53,096 --> 00:11:55,263
What's that supposed to mean?
354
00:11:55,265 --> 00:11:56,965
Come here.
355
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,934
I don't want blabbermouth to hear.
356
00:11:58,936 --> 00:12:00,969
Bill, what?
357
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,571
Who? Who's blabbermouth?
358
00:12:02,573 --> 00:12:04,506
Okay, look,
359
00:12:04,508 --> 00:12:06,908
I shouldn't be telling you this, but...
360
00:12:06,910 --> 00:12:08,443
What is it?
361
00:12:08,445 --> 00:12:10,278
What?
362
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,014
- [chomps]
- [pained groan]
363
00:12:13,016 --> 00:12:15,951
[groans]
364
00:12:15,953 --> 00:12:16,952
Oh, my God.
365
00:12:16,954 --> 00:12:17,986
Sorry.
366
00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:19,921
You were getting a little nosey.
367
00:12:19,923 --> 00:12:21,256
What, nosey?
368
00:12:21,258 --> 00:12:22,857
What happened, Bill? What's going on?
369
00:12:22,859 --> 00:12:24,159
Ready? Go!
370
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:25,760
[grunting]
371
00:12:25,762 --> 00:12:26,928
Get that knife, Bill.
372
00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:28,463
Cut us free, Bill!
373
00:12:28,465 --> 00:12:29,998
[grunts]
374
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,866
Oh, my God. Cut this [bleep]!
375
00:12:31,868 --> 00:12:34,302
[grunting] Ah, yeah.
376
00:12:34,304 --> 00:12:35,837
Okay. [sighs]
377
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,672
Oh, my God. Let's go.
378
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,608
Oh, my God, is that a nose?
Why is it breathing?
379
00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,843
- [pained groan]
- Oh, my God!
380
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,845
[groaning]
381
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,848
[dramatic music]
382
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:48,450
383
00:12:48,452 --> 00:12:49,918
God damn, Bill.
384
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,320
[electric eels zapping]
385
00:12:53,957 --> 00:12:54,889
He dead.
386
00:12:57,294 --> 00:12:59,861
You see the look on his face?
387
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,730
Total shock.
388
00:13:01,732 --> 00:13:04,633
[beatboxing music]
389
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,887
[camera lens extending]
390
00:13:09,932 --> 00:13:12,633
We've got something
that belongs to you.
391
00:13:12,635 --> 00:13:13,901
Where is Bill?
392
00:13:13,903 --> 00:13:16,003
He wasn't
393
00:13:16,005 --> 00:13:17,405
"eeling" well.
394
00:13:17,407 --> 00:13:19,940
We only deal with Bill.
395
00:13:19,942 --> 00:13:23,911
Well, I guess I can find
another buyer for these.
396
00:13:23,913 --> 00:13:25,613
[door lock buzzes]
397
00:13:25,615 --> 00:13:28,249
[door lock hisses]
398
00:13:28,251 --> 00:13:29,583
That's what I thought.
399
00:13:32,722 --> 00:13:34,255
- Here.
- [yelps]
400
00:13:34,257 --> 00:13:35,356
I'm going back.
401
00:13:35,358 --> 00:13:37,324
I have to free those turtle eggs.
402
00:13:37,326 --> 00:13:39,093
Bill, these people gonna kill you.
403
00:13:39,095 --> 00:13:42,463
Who cares about these
stupid turtle eggs?
404
00:13:42,465 --> 00:13:45,332
About 15 years ago, I was bodysurfing
405
00:13:45,334 --> 00:13:47,134
in Teahupo, Western Tahiti.
406
00:13:47,136 --> 00:13:48,669
[pensive woodwind music]
407
00:13:48,671 --> 00:13:52,440
It was a solid west swell,
at least triple overhead.
408
00:13:52,442 --> 00:13:54,875
I went over the falls on
a set wave into the reef
409
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:57,511
and started drowning,
410
00:13:57,513 --> 00:14:01,148
until a 200-year-old
Polynesian green turtle
411
00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:03,651
put me on his shell and
rode me into shore.
412
00:14:03,653 --> 00:14:05,219
413
00:14:05,221 --> 00:14:08,756
That turtle saved my life.
414
00:14:08,758 --> 00:14:10,825
So yeah,
415
00:14:10,827 --> 00:14:13,094
I care about those eggs.
416
00:14:15,131 --> 00:14:17,064
Polynesian greens,
417
00:14:17,066 --> 00:14:19,700
just like you ordered.
418
00:14:19,702 --> 00:14:24,572
Rumored to give the hardest
erection in all of the Earth.
419
00:14:24,574 --> 00:14:27,475
Maybe too hard.
420
00:14:27,477 --> 00:14:29,310
Both: Mmm.
421
00:14:29,312 --> 00:14:32,746
Next weekend's orgy is
going to be insane.
422
00:14:32,748 --> 00:14:34,648
- Ooh.
- Jamie Foxx texted me.
423
00:14:34,650 --> 00:14:37,718
He says he's definitely "coming"
424
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,654
with like seven M's and then a
water-squirt emoji at the end.
425
00:14:40,656 --> 00:14:42,389
- You know what that means.
- [pleased laughter]
426
00:14:42,391 --> 00:14:43,824
- Do you know?
- Oh, okay.
427
00:14:43,826 --> 00:14:45,826
I would love to get in that "foxhole."
428
00:14:45,828 --> 00:14:47,328
[laughter]
429
00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:49,063
Frickin' psycho perverts,
430
00:14:49,065 --> 00:14:50,965
you make me sick.
431
00:14:50,967 --> 00:14:54,034
Okay, Billy Boy, you got this.
432
00:14:54,036 --> 00:14:55,069
[goggles power on]
433
00:14:55,071 --> 00:14:56,237
Gentlemen!
434
00:14:56,239 --> 00:14:59,039
The eggs!
435
00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:02,343
May we inspect the goods?
436
00:15:02,345 --> 00:15:04,512
Ah, ah.
437
00:15:04,514 --> 00:15:09,183
There is the small matter
of the transportation fee.
438
00:15:09,185 --> 00:15:12,520
We already paid the transportation fee.
439
00:15:12,522 --> 00:15:13,521
Mm-hmm.
440
00:15:13,523 --> 00:15:14,588
So
441
00:15:14,590 --> 00:15:18,325
our offer is nein.
442
00:15:18,327 --> 00:15:20,194
Nine thousand?
443
00:15:20,196 --> 00:15:23,197
- No.
- [chuckles]
444
00:15:23,199 --> 00:15:24,532
Nein.
445
00:15:24,534 --> 00:15:26,333
Nine hundred thousand?
446
00:15:28,704 --> 00:15:30,070
Nein.
447
00:15:30,072 --> 00:15:33,040
Like, right before ten,
right after eight.
448
00:15:33,042 --> 00:15:35,075
- Nope.
- Stupid, you stupid?
449
00:15:35,077 --> 00:15:36,377
Nope.
450
00:15:36,379 --> 00:15:38,078
What we are saying is nein,
451
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:39,980
zero, zilch! I mean, it's like you...
452
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,482
- Ah.
- Don't even know
453
00:15:41,484 --> 00:15:43,584
who you're dealing with right now!
454
00:15:43,586 --> 00:15:44,752
We are...
455
00:15:44,754 --> 00:15:48,222
all: The Triad!
456
00:15:48,224 --> 00:15:49,823
[slow motion dramatic music]
457
00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:51,058
What the hell?
458
00:15:51,060 --> 00:15:52,560
[indistinct shouts]
459
00:15:52,562 --> 00:15:54,094
[gunfire]
460
00:15:54,096 --> 00:15:55,095
[screams]
461
00:15:55,097 --> 00:15:56,564
[dramatic music]
462
00:15:56,566 --> 00:15:58,966
[laughs]
463
00:15:58,968 --> 00:16:01,802
464
00:16:01,804 --> 00:16:03,437
Okay, where are they?
465
00:16:03,439 --> 00:16:04,471
There's one!
466
00:16:04,473 --> 00:16:05,506
[tense dramatic music]
467
00:16:05,508 --> 00:16:06,774
There's another!
468
00:16:06,776 --> 00:16:08,609
469
00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:09,677
[gunfire]
470
00:16:09,679 --> 00:16:12,646
[pained moans and groans]
471
00:16:12,648 --> 00:16:17,251
472
00:16:17,253 --> 00:16:18,485
That's three.
473
00:16:18,487 --> 00:16:20,955
[gunshot]
474
00:16:20,957 --> 00:16:23,424
Ah... oh...
475
00:16:23,426 --> 00:16:25,259
There should be one more.
476
00:16:25,261 --> 00:16:26,427
There she is.
477
00:16:26,429 --> 00:16:29,930
Don't move!
478
00:16:29,932 --> 00:16:31,799
No!
479
00:16:31,801 --> 00:16:33,968
[dramatic music pounds]
480
00:16:33,970 --> 00:16:36,036
Don't even think about it!
481
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,404
Ha-ha!
482
00:16:37,406 --> 00:16:39,006
Thanks for coming back.
483
00:16:39,008 --> 00:16:41,475
No problem, Bill. Cubicle
brothers for life.
484
00:16:41,477 --> 00:16:43,711
Okay, listen up!
485
00:16:43,713 --> 00:16:45,145
Here's what's gonna...
486
00:16:45,147 --> 00:16:46,947
[glitchy electronic music]
487
00:16:46,949 --> 00:16:49,183
happen a...
488
00:16:49,185 --> 00:16:50,651
God damn it!
489
00:16:50,653 --> 00:16:53,020
[electronic music slows, stops]
490
00:16:53,022 --> 00:16:54,188
[office phones ringing]
491
00:16:54,190 --> 00:16:56,757
Cigarette, my good man?
492
00:16:56,759 --> 00:16:58,025
[dramatic music pounds]
493
00:16:58,027 --> 00:16:59,627
Here's what's gonna happen.
494
00:16:59,629 --> 00:17:01,528
[tense music]
495
00:17:01,530 --> 00:17:05,032
You're gonna get your money back,
but I'm taking those eggs.
496
00:17:05,034 --> 00:17:06,700
End of story, okay?
497
00:17:06,702 --> 00:17:09,703
Okay, but, you know, before you leave,
498
00:17:09,705 --> 00:17:12,706
I think there might be someone
499
00:17:12,708 --> 00:17:15,342
you should say hello to.
500
00:17:15,344 --> 00:17:17,177
[manic laughter]
501
00:17:17,179 --> 00:17:18,979
Montez, please.
502
00:17:18,981 --> 00:17:20,281
They're gonna hurt me.
503
00:17:20,283 --> 00:17:22,916
- Oh, that's your wife.
- Colleen?
504
00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:25,319
Damn, you... changed, baby.
505
00:17:25,321 --> 00:17:28,789
The eggs, Bill,
506
00:17:28,791 --> 00:17:31,825
or we will blow her brains
all over the floor.
507
00:17:31,827 --> 00:17:36,230
I'll be taking that. Thank you.
508
00:17:36,232 --> 00:17:38,198
[manic giggling]
509
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,367
I'm going to kill the fat, ugly one.
510
00:17:40,369 --> 00:17:43,203
- For some reason I hate his guts.
- Yes.
511
00:17:43,205 --> 00:17:44,204
Do it.
512
00:17:44,206 --> 00:17:47,141
[beatboxing music]
513
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:52,900
Wait a minute.
514
00:17:52,953 --> 00:17:55,286
Before you kill me, I
have one last wish.
515
00:17:55,288 --> 00:17:57,855
My wife has this cuckolding fantasy.
516
00:17:57,857 --> 00:18:00,758
It makes sense that she would
want to schtupp another man.
517
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,860
And I said I was okay with
it, but I'm really not.
518
00:18:02,862 --> 00:18:04,329
What?
519
00:18:04,331 --> 00:18:05,897
Baby, why wouldn't you tell me?
520
00:18:05,899 --> 00:18:07,465
I was insecure,
521
00:18:07,467 --> 00:18:08,766
but now that I know
522
00:18:08,768 --> 00:18:10,902
that I'm the love of your life,
523
00:18:10,904 --> 00:18:13,604
if it's okay with you guys,
524
00:18:13,606 --> 00:18:15,974
I would like Bill
525
00:18:15,976 --> 00:18:17,408
to [bleep] my wife.
526
00:18:17,410 --> 00:18:18,476
[exhales]
527
00:18:18,478 --> 00:18:21,479
Okay, wait.
528
00:18:21,481 --> 00:18:23,648
I wouldn't expect you to understand.
529
00:18:23,650 --> 00:18:25,850
But this is for her happiness.
530
00:18:25,852 --> 00:18:26,985
Still weird for me.
531
00:18:26,987 --> 00:18:28,653
No, that's cool to me.
532
00:18:28,655 --> 00:18:31,055
Okay, well, I obviously
don't want to watch,
533
00:18:31,057 --> 00:18:33,257
but I will out of curiosity sake.
534
00:18:33,259 --> 00:18:35,793
- I'm watching.
- [chuckles]
535
00:18:35,795 --> 00:18:37,195
Thank you, baby.
536
00:18:37,197 --> 00:18:38,363
I love you.
537
00:18:38,365 --> 00:18:39,998
I'll always love you.
538
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,033
I know, baby, go on.
539
00:18:42,035 --> 00:18:43,001
[tender piano music]
540
00:18:43,003 --> 00:18:44,635
Oh, and now the main event.
541
00:18:44,637 --> 00:18:46,204
God,
542
00:18:46,206 --> 00:18:49,707
I've been wanting you for so long.
543
00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:51,275
Duh.
544
00:18:51,277 --> 00:18:53,378
- [sultry music]
-
Baby
545
00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:54,779
[moaning]
546
00:18:54,781 --> 00:18:56,981
Bill just has this animal magnetism.
547
00:18:56,983 --> 00:18:59,617
Look at the schvunker in his shorts.
548
00:18:59,619 --> 00:19:01,085
Ooh.
549
00:19:01,087 --> 00:19:02,553
I can't believe they shot my dick off!
550
00:19:02,555 --> 00:19:05,356
Baby
551
00:19:05,358 --> 00:19:07,692
[back massager vibrating]
552
00:19:07,694 --> 00:19:09,560
Oh, my God, he's...
553
00:19:09,562 --> 00:19:11,462
he's gonna bust, dude.
554
00:19:11,464 --> 00:19:14,298
Oh! Oh, God, Bill!
555
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,667
Oh! You're the [bleep] man!
556
00:19:16,669 --> 00:19:18,770
Oh, you're the best!
557
00:19:18,772 --> 00:19:20,738
The best I've ever had!
558
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:23,207
Oh, never stop! Oh!
559
00:19:23,209 --> 00:19:26,644
Never stop [bleep] me... e! Oh!
560
00:19:26,646 --> 00:19:28,046
Oh, oh.
561
00:19:28,048 --> 00:19:29,213
[nervous chuckling]
562
00:19:29,215 --> 00:19:30,648
- Whoa.
- Hot.
563
00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:32,316
Boy got hips, don't he?
564
00:19:32,318 --> 00:19:34,886
14 times he has brought
this woman to climax.
565
00:19:34,888 --> 00:19:36,621
14 times, dude.
566
00:19:36,623 --> 00:19:39,323
- [screams]
-
Baby
567
00:19:39,325 --> 00:19:41,159
Okay, that is 15.
568
00:19:41,161 --> 00:19:42,527
That is 15.
569
00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:43,895
All right. Get ready.
570
00:19:43,897 --> 00:19:45,496
Here comes showtime.
571
00:19:45,498 --> 00:19:46,998
Oh, Colleen.
572
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,566
Wait, what?
573
00:19:48,568 --> 00:19:50,168
Oh, dude, I'm about to
make this man jizz.
574
00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:51,669
Wait.
575
00:19:51,671 --> 00:19:53,771
Do you think you are about to leave?
576
00:19:53,773 --> 00:19:55,039
Actually,
577
00:19:55,041 --> 00:19:56,074
[energetic music building]
578
00:19:56,076 --> 00:19:58,843
I think I'm about to
579
00:19:58,845 --> 00:20:00,745
[bleep].
580
00:20:00,747 --> 00:20:02,213
[screams]
581
00:20:02,215 --> 00:20:04,882
[softly grunting]
582
00:20:04,884 --> 00:20:06,551
Ohh. He...
583
00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:07,652
Oh, my God. That was a lot.
584
00:20:07,654 --> 00:20:08,686
That was a lot, that was a lot.
585
00:20:08,688 --> 00:20:11,255
On my massager.
586
00:20:11,257 --> 00:20:13,658
[exhales]
587
00:20:13,660 --> 00:20:15,326
[sighs]
588
00:20:16,763 --> 00:20:19,263
[office phones ringing]
589
00:20:19,265 --> 00:20:20,531
[exhales]
590
00:20:22,435 --> 00:20:24,569
Wow, what a dream.
591
00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:25,870
[sparsely dramatic music]
592
00:20:25,872 --> 00:20:27,238
Was it a dream?
593
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,706
Bill,
594
00:20:28,708 --> 00:20:30,274
what are you doing?
You haven't left yet?
595
00:20:30,276 --> 00:20:33,611
You were supposed to leave an hour ago.
596
00:20:33,613 --> 00:20:36,180
And what's on your pants?
597
00:20:36,182 --> 00:20:38,716
Uh, milk.
598
00:20:38,718 --> 00:20:40,785
Man milk.
599
00:20:40,787 --> 00:20:43,688
[dramatic music builds]
600
00:20:44,858 --> 00:20:46,224
What the [bleep] are you doing?
601
00:20:46,226 --> 00:20:47,492
Nice.
602
00:20:47,885 --> 00:20:51,752
Synced and corrected by MasterCookie
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603
00:20:51,802 --> 00:20:56,352
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