All language subtitles for Workaholics s06e09 Always Bet on Blake.eng

Adam, you are pushing

when I need you to pull, okay?

Stay in the slot, baby.

It's a delicate dance.
It's a tango, okay?

I'm the man. I lead you, sweetheart.

No, sweetheart.

In fact, I came up with a
cool name for our team:

The Woodsmen, right?

That's, like, a badass name,

and I thought of it
'cause I'm the leader.

You want to name us The Woodsmen,

after a Kevin Bacon movie
about a pedophile.

- You didn't actually let me finish.
- No, we are the Timberlakes,

and we're bringing sexy
to the timber sports.

End of story.

Now, you push, I pull.

No, I push, and you pull on my count.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

This isn't... You're not helping!

Stop fighting!

Flip a coin. Or you know what?

Better yet, why doesn't one
of you take the high road

and let the other call the shots?

Be the bigger man.

I'm the baller shot caller.

I've got 20-inch blades
on my Impala, okay?

This... this is why you're
not even on the team.

You're not on our team, you bitch.

Oh, this is why.

See, 'cause I was wondering why,

'cause it really hurt my
feelings no one asked me,

especially since I'm the one

who knew about the
tournament in Big Bear.

I love timber sports.
You know that about me.

Yes, you're a timber sports fan,

but we are timber sports,

and that's the difference between us.

You can start at the
penis or just scream,

"I don't give a [bleep] and see
who means this," so scream it.

- What?
- [bleep].

[bleep].

- [bleep], [bleep], [bleep].
- [bleep].

We gonna [bleep] all the [bleep].
We just do it.

I don't give a [bleep].

Part of our nature,
because we're alpha dogs.

We bark [bleep] all the time.

You're beta bitch boy.

Fine, you want me to?

- You didn't even say it.
- Yes, I did. [bleep].

- Now, on my count, let's saw!
- Okay.

That is my count, though,
since nobody's counting.

- Sound off!
- Alpha dogs, baby!

Both: Ooh-rah!

Anders: Oh, oh!

Oh, no, the Volvo!

Oh, are you guys okay?

- Stop the watch?
- Yeah, what was the time?

- No, hey.
- He's good.

Uh, yeah... Uh, really fast.

He... he didn't push the button.

Yes, I did.

[The Skinny Boys' "Jock Box"]

Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com

Hey, Bill, thanks for
driving us home, bud.

I mean, nothing really rides
like a Toyota Corolla.

- Shotgun!
- Shotgun, and that was a tie.

- License plate.
- License plate.

Oh! And I even walked in slow-mo.

It's all right, bud.

Oh, yeah, that's a tight squeeze.

- Squeeze them in.
- Shotgun.

All right, boys, I
MapQuested the best route,

and I made us a little mix tape.

Oh, all right, Bill's mix tape.

That's cool, but after
you, pass me the ox, dude.

I'm gonna get this place
fricking on fire, dude.

[jazzy band music playing]

- Wow.
- Mm-hmm.

- That's bad.
- Yeah, it's really, really bad.

Just way out of date.

This is way, way Less than Jake.

Terrible. Really, really bad fish.

- I like that one.
- Thank you.

That's my band. Here's my solo.

You know, I'm just going to
turn it off for a second.

Both: Thank you.

Bill, is it cool if I get this Gatorade?

That's not Gatorade... anymore.

Oh.

Jesus Christ, Bill.

Guys, we have got to get the $3,000

and get the Vo fixed, okay?

- This is a nightmare.
- I don't like it.

I'm, like, way too big to be...

I'm too big to be back here.

You know, I play poker at
this underground card game

where Diane deals.

Won 200 bones last week.

200 bones. 200 bones.

All right, boys, alpha Ders is
gonna step up, hit the table,

probably play till dawn,

but I'm gonna get our
money back no doubt.

Well, as an alpha dog myself,

I'd probably get all of our
moolah back by sunrise,

so I'm gonna play as well.

Oh, you're playing too?

This is cool. It's like
family game night.

That is great, yeah.

- No, I'd like to play too.
- Okay.

Cash only, gents.

- No cell phones.
- Adam: Okay, cool.

Anders: This isn't cash.

[muted conversation]

Is it already my turn?

Yeah, no, nope.

I just... nah.

- What are you doing?
- Nah, I just... I fold.

You don't have to fold, dude.
Just say "check."

No, I don't...

And it's cash only,
so I'm out, actually.

This just... no, it's too stressful.

Frank, sorry, I'm out, okay? You guys.

Okay.

I check.

Okay. Um...

[gasps]

[laughs]

Man, sometimes you just
don't get a good hand,

but you got to just...

I guess I'll play.

Nope, you're gonna want to...

You're gonna... okay.

I fold too.

Yes! Boom.

I'll take your chips.
I'll take your chips.

Watch out, we got a shark in the waters.

Frank, what's up, dude?

I'm just wondering if
there's anything fun

to do here, some entertainment.

Maybe some magic show,
Siegfried and Roy,

Criss Angel.

Mindfreak me, will ya?

I guess you could watch the
rats [bleep] out back.

Okay.

Yeah, definitely, definitely.

[television playing in background]

Yes! What a hand.

I'm going all in, punks.

Hey, you seem nervous, dude.

Why you so nervous?

Yeah, why you so nervous?

- I'm not nervous.
- Why you nervous?

Just gamble... take the bet or don't.

I suggest that you don't,
'cause that's a good hand.

Mm, all you can eat,
baby, Hometown Buffet.

- I love Hometown Buffet.
- Me too.

So here... okay, all in for me too.

I have literally nothing.

That's what I thought.

Okay, here. You're missing these chips.

Don't forget these.

Hey, do we... can we still get
drinks if we're out of moneys?

So got no ride, and now
we've got no money.

And we would've starved to
death if Rancho Cuca Pizza

wouldn't have hooked us up
with this irregular pizza

they were about to throw out.

Well, you know what they say:

the house always wins.

Except for we didn't lose to the house.

We lost to that cool-looking Asian dude.

Well, that's cool... Sunglasses inside?

That's, like, a good look.

That's the look.

What did you just say?

I said... we were talking
about the Asian guy,

and I'm like, "Sunglasses inside...

That's the look."

And then Ders is like,
"That's the look."

No, before that.

I don't know. I farted.

No, you said, the house always...

He did fart. He did fart.

- Oh, the house always wins.
- Yes.

Our house could always be
winning if we were the casino.

- Oh, okay.
- That's not a bad idea.

Oh, dude, yeah, we could
have a way better casino

than that warehouse dude.

Totally.

I mean, this is a card table.

I mean, we're at a card table right now.

We already have a card table.

- Check.
- Got that.

- Anders?
- Anders: What's up?

I love that idea.

- Give it here!
- Yes!

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

Man:
Goin' to the casino

Hey, hey, hey, it's Ray.

There you go. Welcome to my casino.

Remember, what happens here stays here.

Big Gil dog.

Snap into a Slim Jim
compliments of the house.

Deedee, killer blouse.

Anders: Welcome to my casino.

I'll be watching you.

I'll be watching all of you.

Yeah, Deedee.

[slurps]

Yeah, sip that drink.

Oh, well, hello, hello.

Who are you?

You're a sexy mommy out
on the town, aren't you?

You told the sitter
you'd be back by 9:00,

9:30 at the latest,

but tonight you're gonna
be a little late,

because Mommy has got to have fun too.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna beat off.

Excuse me, young lady,

but you have to be 21
or older to play here.

Do you need to see my ID?

Yeah, that'll work.

Okay, Mama's a whale.

Adam, this is your boss.

Please get to the back of the house.

You are my bitch. I am your employer.

Get to the back of the house pronto.

Thank you, bye.

One momento.

Diane, what are you doing?

It's like you've never dealt before.

- She's a whale.
- No, she's not.

- She's in great shape.
- She is in great shape.

What I'm saying is that
she's loaded, okay?

She's got cash, and if
we string her along,

we can pay for the Vo and go
to the timber sports games.

Yeah, these are things that I
know, because I'm in charge.

No, no, no, you're an
idiot, and I'm in charge.

Of what, cranking down?

'Cause that lotion is not
where I left it last.

Are you using my lotion?

Only when I'm in your room,
jerking off on your computer.

Absolutely do not ever
jerk off on my computer.

Fine, okay, I won't,

but because I choose not to from now on.

You know what? Just get out, okay?

I've got actual
in-charge-type work to do.

Work, like what?

Work on your [bleep]?

Ugh!

Damn it, I didn't take my pants off.

All right, packed house.

So the key to a successful
magic trick is distraction.

That's where you come in.

As my assistant,

you need to be something that the
audience looks at while I...

Look up there... Perform
my illusion, see?

Okay, cool, so I'm like
eye candy and all that.

Is there anything that you want
me to do, like, specifically?

You know, just do what feels right.

You'll know when to do
the distraction, okay?

Okay.

But when it's time, you distract.

Oh!

You got it, man.

I'll be a distraction.

Hello, and... welcome!

I am the resident magician, Magic Blake,

and this is my beautiful
assistant, Magic Carl.

We start off with a card trick.

You, sir, what's your name?

Let me guess, Waymond.

How'd I know? Go ahead and
pick a card, Waymond.

Okay, what is the card?

Don't tell me.

Actually, don't you ever
tell me, all right?

Put it back in the deck,
anywhere in the deck.

Now Magic Carl is gonna go to
the other side of the stage,

and I'm gonna go to the other
other side of the stage

and visualize the card.

Now, please, please make sure
that my assistant, Magic Carl,

is placing that deck
very, very far away.

[quietly] Distract 'em. Distract 'em.

Okay, so I'm just visualizing.

Nothing to see, really, over here.

It's just me thinking,
visualizing, boring.

[crowd gasps]

And what... okay. Whoa!

Okay, whoa. What are you doing?

What are you... What are you doing?

I'm just doing what feels right, okay?

This is not right. Please
put your pants back on.

- God, fine!
- Family show.

There's no kids here, is there?

Well, I'm just saying...

There's no kids here.

All right, stop.

These are my best pants.

I'm ruining my belt now. Great.

But she is sexy.

24, your bet.

[groans] I don't have any money left.

I guess I should go.

What? No, don't do that.

I will walk you to the ATM.

It's about three miles away.

We should get going.

I mean, this ring is worth 5,000.

Can I gamble that?

Yes, you can.

No, no, no, no. $5,000? We can't...

Pit boss DeMamp, please get
to the back of the house now.

Yes, and I will definitely
be right there, boss.

Tang, can I see your shoe?

Adam, we cannot handle that bet.

Do not take that bet.

Adam!

[grunts]

And I visualized this.

Queen of hearts, what do you say?

Waymond, is that your card?

No?

Okay, there had to be
a mix-up somewhere...

Hiyah!

This is my show now, baby.

They want to see my dick.

Helicopter your wang!

Got it, buddy. That's all I want to do.

Stop, guys. Next trick.
Carl, get in the box.

No, you get in the box, man.

This puppetry of the penis,
it's so hot right now.

They love it! They love it.

If you could just please get in the box.

- You get in the box.
- Don't do that!

Get in the box, Magic Blake.
Get in the box, Magic Blake.

Carl, stop! Please, this is my show!

- Whoo!
- Please!

- Shh.
- Stop encouraging him, please.

Where is he? This is
not part of the show.

Please, where are you, Carl?

[screams]

[cheers and applause]

What was that?

Okay, I'm done.

You can do your next trick now.

And back to Magic Blake.

I'm gonna kill you, you stupid idiot.

I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you.

- That's not magic.
- I'm sorry.

I'll cut your freaking dick off, then.

[crying]

My eye itches.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we're gonna take a short
five-minute intermission.

Why does it itch? Is it bleeding?

- Is it bleeding?
- It's fine.

Why did you do that?

I just need to verify the
authenticity of this ring.

Yup, that's real.

That is very hard.

Actually hurt my tooth a little bit.

Diane, would you mind getting
this angel some chips?

- Changing 5,000.
- Whoo!

- Spend up, guys.
- Adam, don't.

We can't cover that.

Ders, just trust the math, okay?

As you know, the house always wins.

Blackjack.

[squeals] Oh, my God!

Well, that's the most
fun I've had all week.

I'll cash out now, fellas,
if you don't mind.

I always knew math was a hoax.

So we don't have it, your money,

but we could probably cover half.

Half? I'm sorry.

That's not how this sort of thing works.

We can cover the other
half with IOUs and prizes.

Have you ever been to
a fondue restaurant?

We'll take you to one
every Sunday for a month.

The Melting Pot, have you been there?

Of course she has, for our
13th wedding anniversary.

Hi, honey, how was work?

Not bad, babe.

What is happening right now?

You know Laura?

Of course I do. She's my wife.

These ass wipes owe us 5 grand.

Is that right?

We do, but 5 grand, we can't pay that.

We don't have that.

We don't have that kind of money.

Frank: Technically, you do.

You got this house.

You want your house back,

you give me my 5 grand.

Till then, get the [bleep]
out of my new casino.

Well, that was a disaster.

Magic Carl just sexually
assaulted my face.

Yeah.

Oh, hello.

I don't believe we've met.

I'm Magic Blake, in-house entertainment.

Pleasure.

[yawns loudly]

I hate sleeping on the floor.

Only slept for, like,
seven hours or something.

You can thank Adam for that

and for taking the world's dumbest bet.

There's table limits for a reason.

And there it is right
there, classic Ders:

passing the blame when
you're too busy smacking off

to realize that I need
proper supervision.

That's on you, but that dude
never would've punked us

if we were all alphas, Blake.

I get it. I am a beta B-word, yes,

but, you know, maybe I thought
you guys, my alpha dogs,

would protect me, okay?

But you guys are so busy
fighting each other,

you can't even come up with a good plan.

Blake, I'm a hound dog,

and I'm gonna howl at the moon,

and I shouldn't have to worry
about protecting you, okay?

It might be time for us to
not be alpha dogs anymore

and start being alpha lions.

We are all kinds of animals, me and you.

[both shrieking and snarling]

[both barking]

Here's the plan:

sneak in through the crawl space

and then saw through the bathroom floor.

Right, but also the plan

is to play music off my
Bluetooth shower speakers

through my phone so that
they don't hear us sawing...

Sawing into the bathroom floor

so we can get the floor safe and use it

as a bargaining chip for Frank
and get the house back.

And go to the timber sports tournament,

and we bring sexy back.

- Okay, as The Woodsmen...
- Right, yeah.

Parentheses, not the pedophile movie

but, like, badasses who
can knock a deer out

with one punch, close parentheses.

- Okay.
- Here is the spot.

Okay.

Whoa, dude, huge wasps' nest.

Just stay back. Give
me the saw, all right?

Okay, no,

I carried the saw the whole way,
so I should get to saw first.

Dude, I saw first. You saw second.

That was the deal.

Yeah, 'cause I'm the closer,
good call. Here you go.

- Whatever.
- Yeah, I close.

All right. Let me just
make a little groove here.

Get up in there.

[upbeat music]

- Long and lean, baby.
- Long and strong.

Okay, here, you're about
halfway. My turn.

No, I'm kind of in a
groove. Just back off.

Stop! Dude, I'm not...

- Let me saw!
- Oh.

- [screaming]
- Wasps, wasps!

Shh, be quiet! Ow!

They can hear us! Quiet!

Shut up!

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

[both yelling]

Adam: They're biting me!

Ow! Save me!

Ow! Ow!

Cover the hole! Cover the hole.

Oh, you are so slow at sawing.

Oh, you look bad. You look
bad, like pepperoni...

- Hey.
- What up?

We just stopped by to check things out,

make sure it's going well.

We're gonna get out of your hair.

Yeah.

Do you mind if we head out
the front door, though?

Because bee problem down there.

Yeah, the wasps itch, so take care.

Thanks for your time. Excuse me.

Grab 'em.

- You don't have to.
- Ow!

Okay.

Ow, ow.

Hey, ass wipes, let my friends go.

Good.

You're just in time for the ass kicking.

Oh, yeah?

Letting your dogs do your dirty work?

Gone soft, Frank.

Excuse me?

You, me, mano e mano, one on one.

High-stakes pokey.

I win, you guys get the
hell out of our house.

You win...

Which he definitely will, Blake.

There's the deed to the old crib, huh?

Blake, no offense, but you
don't know how to gamble.

Shut the hell up! Okay?

We did your plan.

Your guys' plan didn't work, all right?

So now it's my turn to make the plans.

I'm the plan maker now, alpha dog style.

I don't give a [bleep].

Start at the penis!

Start at my penis.

Frank: I'll tell you what.

You fold right now,

and I'll give you another
shot at that shrimp buffet

before you hit the road
and don't come back.

Blake: I'll tell you what.

You fold right now,

and I'll give you another
crack at the shrimp buffet

before you go home, you.

That's exactly what I said.

Gentlemen, your card.

Full boat, sixes over aces.

- Oh, damn it, Blake.
- Ah, Blake!

They have fricking shrimps, dude.

7 and 8 diamond.

That straight flush, the high hand.

- Oh, my God, we won!
- I won? We won?

- All right!
- We won!

[all yelling]

Adam: Oh, my God.

Anders: You got bluffed.

[laughs]

Ah, but, yeah, dude, you
got to go, I guess.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

Let me be very clear.

If I find out you guys start
running another table

over at this house, I
will come back here

and break your goddamn necks.

You can bet on it.

Bet... oh, that was pretty
funny bringing bet back.

And I'm absolutely [bleep] serious.

- Yeah, duly noted.
- Truly noted, even.

- Let's go.
- Thanks, Frank.

Good job, Goonie.

Hey, good dealing out there.

Just put these chairs in here.

Love the hair, man.

Friends don't let friends get haircuts.

- Karate kick.
- Yeah, bud!

What the frick, man?

You did it. Oh, wait a second.

Dude, did you have, like,
a card up your sleeve

'cause you've been studying
magic for your shows,

picked up some tricks?

- Adam: That's smart.
- Way alpha.

No, actually, I didn't.

I just kind of bet it all.

Yeah, put my nuts on the table,
and then I did the damn thing.

So you could've lost everything.

Yeah.

But who's the alpha dog now? [barks]

I guess we still are,
because you only did, like,

one alpha dog thing.

And we do alpha shit,
like, every day, boy!

Alpha dogs, sound off!

Hoo-rah!

[both yelling]

Hoo, hoo, hoo!

Both: Hoo-rah! Hoo-rah,
hoo-rah! Hoo-rah!

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