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They found me in the woods
2
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'Cause I was raised by possums
3
00:00:04,220 --> 00:00:06,305
You wouldn't believe it,
but the life was awesome
4
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,789
I was the most crucial marsupial
5
00:00:08,824 --> 00:00:11,251
Can I help you?
6
00:00:11,285 --> 00:00:12,893
Oh! Oh!
7
00:00:12,927 --> 00:00:14,777
Ders, I didn't know anybody else
was in here, man.
8
00:00:14,812 --> 00:00:16,261
You scared the crap out of me.
9
00:00:16,296 --> 00:00:18,548
The shower's running, Karl.
10
00:00:18,582 --> 00:00:20,797
Did you catch it?
11
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Ha! You didn't get it.
It was a joke.
12
00:00:22,582 --> 00:00:25,104
Get out now.
13
00:00:25,138 --> 00:00:26,346
Oh, my God, come on, man.
14
00:00:26,381 --> 00:00:27,789
I flushed my hacky sack down there.
15
00:00:27,823 --> 00:00:29,842
I got to get my hacky sack back, jack.
16
00:00:29,876 --> 00:00:32,027
Fine.
And then get out of here.
17
00:00:32,062 --> 00:00:35,192
Jesus. Thank God
I come from plumbing stock.
18
00:00:35,226 --> 00:00:37,101
Mammy and Grambo were two of the best.
19
00:00:37,142 --> 00:00:40,462
Oh, my... Dude!
You put your dookie in there.
20
00:00:40,496 --> 00:00:42,342
- You said it was a hacky sack.
- Well, yeah.
21
00:00:42,377 --> 00:00:44,859
I had to take a crap,
and the sink was too high, man.
22
00:00:44,893 --> 00:00:46,571
Come on, what do you expect?
23
00:00:46,606 --> 00:00:49,525
I hate you. Get out.
Give me the monkey-wrench thing.
24
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,574
- Fine. Give it a shot.
- Oh, my God!
25
00:00:51,609 --> 00:00:53,221
Well, as long as we
get this thing unclogged
26
00:00:53,256 --> 00:00:54,729
before my party, I'll be fine.
27
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,609
Wait. What party?
Ow! Oh.
28
00:00:56,643 --> 00:00:58,790
- I just loosened something.
- Yeah, you did.
29
00:00:58,824 --> 00:01:02,414
Oh!
30
00:01:02,449 --> 00:01:04,660
Oh, my hacky sack.
Nice, dude. Thank you.
31
00:01:04,694 --> 00:01:08,252
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com
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00:01:16,799 --> 00:01:19,249
- Man, it smells like farts.
- I don't smell farts.
33
00:01:19,284 --> 00:01:24,549
We are not throwing a party for Karl!
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00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:26,056
What are you talking about?
Karl's episode
35
00:01:26,091 --> 00:01:28,037
of Cheaters is re-airing.
You know the one,
36
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where he gets caught munching
that married chick's carp.
37
00:01:32,127 --> 00:01:33,672
You loved that party last year.
38
00:01:33,706 --> 00:01:36,319
Remember all those
star-fugger chicks were, like,
39
00:01:36,354 --> 00:01:39,973
"Oh! Oh!" like, ready.
40
00:01:40,008 --> 00:01:41,346
They didn't actually make that noise,
41
00:01:41,380 --> 00:01:42,657
But they were throwing out the vibe.
42
00:01:42,691 --> 00:01:43,997
Yeah, they were throwing that vibe.
43
00:01:44,031 --> 00:01:45,876
It was more of a vibe than a noise.
44
00:01:45,910 --> 00:01:47,754
Okay, yes, we are definitely
gonna have this party.
45
00:01:47,788 --> 00:01:49,564
I'm hoping this year
to have some, like, intercourse,
46
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'cause last year I just had,
like, a ton of outercourse.
47
00:01:51,877 --> 00:01:53,449
So I'm hoping to get inside this time.
48
00:01:53,484 --> 00:01:54,859
- I believe in you.
- Thank you.
49
00:01:54,894 --> 00:01:56,132
All right, hold up, hold up.
50
00:01:56,166 --> 00:01:57,943
You guys want to... my fan club,
51
00:01:57,977 --> 00:01:59,922
That's totally cool with me.
That's legitimate.
52
00:01:59,956 --> 00:02:02,465
But you better not run out of snacks
53
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:04,109
like you did last time, okay?
54
00:02:04,144 --> 00:02:05,721
I'm not showing up
unless you guys get me
55
00:02:05,755 --> 00:02:10,505
a giant popcorn tin
with three flavors of popcorn...
56
00:02:10,539 --> 00:02:12,971
Caramel, cheddar,
57
00:02:13,006 --> 00:02:15,677
and whatever else comes in it.
58
00:02:15,711 --> 00:02:18,681
- Popcorn diva.
- He's changed.
59
00:02:18,715 --> 00:02:20,515
Yeah, TV changed a man.
60
00:02:20,550 --> 00:02:22,849
But you know what that means.
61
00:02:22,884 --> 00:02:24,451
We got to go snack shopping.
62
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- Yeah.
- And, Ders...
63
00:02:26,421 --> 00:02:29,622
Wearing a towel like a woman...
64
00:02:29,656 --> 00:02:31,690
That's funny, dude!
65
00:02:31,724 --> 00:02:33,590
- Pretty good, right?
- Yes.
66
00:02:33,625 --> 00:02:35,758
I was getting out of the shower,
I looked in the mirror,
67
00:02:35,793 --> 00:02:37,259
I was like, "Just do it."
68
00:02:40,162 --> 00:02:41,563
What the hell?
69
00:02:41,597 --> 00:02:43,364
- Who stole all the snacks?
- You know what?
70
00:02:43,398 --> 00:02:48,034
I bet it was us...
The other day.
71
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:51,239
- Freak!
- Oh, cool, a clif bar.
72
00:02:51,274 --> 00:02:54,105
I'd rather jump off one than eat
one of those disgusting things!
73
00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:56,307
- Right?
- They suck. They're dry.
74
00:02:56,341 --> 00:02:58,643
Let's go talk to Alice
about how pissed we are!
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00:02:58,677 --> 00:03:00,810
Got a bone to pick.
76
00:03:00,845 --> 00:03:02,178
I'm actually gonna eat this.
77
00:03:02,213 --> 00:03:04,382
These aren't as bad as I said earlier.
78
00:03:06,756 --> 00:03:09,823
Oh, God!
Do you not knock?
79
00:03:09,858 --> 00:03:11,559
The break room has been robbed.
80
00:03:11,594 --> 00:03:13,362
There are thieves in our midst.
81
00:03:13,396 --> 00:03:17,298
Yes. And we, the dudes,
have the right to bear snacks.
82
00:03:17,333 --> 00:03:20,302
That's right, so gummi bears,
Teddy Grahams,
83
00:03:20,337 --> 00:03:22,338
honey, salmon, caesar...
84
00:03:22,372 --> 00:03:24,238
And they have those really
good ones with the white bag,
85
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,637
With the frosting and the sprinkles.
86
00:03:25,671 --> 00:03:27,372
Okay, listen up, everyone.
87
00:03:27,406 --> 00:03:30,108
Okay, I am sick and tired
88
00:03:30,142 --> 00:03:31,776
of hearing about
the goddamn break room.
89
00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:33,912
- Yep.
- "Oh, where's my jell-o?"
90
00:03:33,946 --> 00:03:35,714
"Waymond's putting his fingers
in my peanut butter."
91
00:03:35,748 --> 00:03:37,949
Choose someone to be
in charge of the snacks,
92
00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:40,787
And I will give them
my Costco card, the end.
93
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:43,789
Never fear, Monteezy is here.
94
00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:48,662
Colleen got me on this new-age diet,
and I'm looking two words: Dee licious.
95
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,063
- You look horrible.
- Yeah. Still...
96
00:03:50,098 --> 00:03:51,898
- You look really bad.
- Listen,
97
00:03:51,933 --> 00:03:54,702
I say we take the break room,
and we "healthify" this bitch.
98
00:03:54,736 --> 00:03:56,606
You know, I used to be like,
"Oh, hell, kale?"
99
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,275
Now I'm like, "Oh, hell, kale!"
100
00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:01,711
- He said the same thing.
- And these juice cleanses...
101
00:04:01,745 --> 00:04:04,078
Got my skin glowing like Paula Abdul.
102
00:04:04,112 --> 00:04:05,278
I'll... to that.
103
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:06,780
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stop the clock.
104
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:09,149
Okay, check yourself
before you elect yourself.
105
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:11,650
We're gonna have a proper
election happening here.
106
00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:13,385
Okay, who else is gonna run?
107
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:16,420
We will, like, together as, like...
108
00:04:16,455 --> 00:04:18,853
Like, we'll be combined, like Voltron,
109
00:04:18,888 --> 00:04:20,255
Except for we're not gonna run.
110
00:04:20,289 --> 00:04:23,692
We're gonna sprint, like Usain Bolt-ron.
111
00:04:23,726 --> 00:04:25,327
What?
112
00:04:25,361 --> 00:04:28,493
How did I think of that?
That was so good.
113
00:04:28,527 --> 00:04:30,692
That was so good.
That was smart of me.
114
00:04:30,727 --> 00:04:32,160
I was like Jay-Z.
115
00:04:32,194 --> 00:04:34,428
If you could just
excuse us for one second.
116
00:04:34,462 --> 00:04:36,762
- That was amazing.
- Thank you.
117
00:04:36,796 --> 00:04:38,998
But we can't elect ourselves
because they're gonna know
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00:04:39,033 --> 00:04:40,768
we're stealing the snacks, you dig?
119
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:43,235
But, dude, did you hear?
The Costco card, man...
120
00:04:43,270 --> 00:04:46,004
That's, like, bulk snacks,
samplers, bulk booze.
121
00:04:46,039 --> 00:04:47,106
Kirkland!
122
00:04:47,140 --> 00:04:48,542
- Kirkland.
- Kirkland.
123
00:04:48,576 --> 00:04:50,142
- You know about that. It's so good.
- I know about that.
124
00:04:50,176 --> 00:04:52,143
Best vodka.
Yeah, I rep Kirkland.
125
00:04:52,177 --> 00:04:54,011
Here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna elect Jillian.
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00:04:54,046 --> 00:04:55,747
That way, we'll tell her what to buy.
127
00:04:55,781 --> 00:04:57,316
We'll steal from her.
It wont come back to us.
128
00:04:57,350 --> 00:04:59,151
- We'll be geniuses. She'll be...
- Yeah.
129
00:04:59,185 --> 00:05:01,019
She'll be like Elmo, and we'll be that
130
00:05:01,053 --> 00:05:03,823
allegedly black pervert dude
with our hand up her butt.
131
00:05:03,858 --> 00:05:07,026
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna unhuddle now.
132
00:05:07,061 --> 00:05:09,395
Guys, so for the election
that I was talking about,
133
00:05:09,429 --> 00:05:11,398
We elect Jillian.
134
00:05:11,432 --> 00:05:13,867
Whoo!
Wait. What?
135
00:05:13,902 --> 00:05:15,502
No. No, no, no, no.
I'm sorry.
136
00:05:15,536 --> 00:05:17,369
Whenever I'm given responsibility,
137
00:05:17,403 --> 00:05:21,039
I turn into a crazy person,
and I am not crazy.
138
00:05:21,074 --> 00:05:22,308
You are, though, right?
139
00:05:22,343 --> 00:05:25,478
Hey, we are your campaign team, okay?
140
00:05:25,512 --> 00:05:27,947
Uh, Blake will be your
image consultant, all right?
141
00:05:27,982 --> 00:05:31,919
And, uh, Adam...
Political advisor.
142
00:05:31,954 --> 00:05:33,685
Hi-de-ho, good neighbor.
143
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,186
And I'll be campaign manager,
of course, okay?
144
00:05:36,221 --> 00:05:38,456
Why do you get to be
campaign manager, huh?
145
00:05:38,491 --> 00:05:40,961
That doesn't sound like teamwork, Ders.
146
00:05:40,995 --> 00:05:43,760
I'm taking a leadership role, okay?
147
00:05:43,794 --> 00:05:46,563
- You can't spell it without "Ders".
- You can't spell "it" without "Ders"?
148
00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:48,366
I-T.
I just did.
149
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,600
I guess I'm a freakin' genius.
150
00:05:50,634 --> 00:05:52,434
Anders, do you now know how
to spell "it"?
151
00:05:52,469 --> 00:05:54,735
Yeah, are you an it-iot?
152
00:05:54,769 --> 00:05:57,104
It-iot. I-t-o-t.
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00:05:57,138 --> 00:06:01,171
Leadership!
154
00:06:01,205 --> 00:06:05,039
Okay, whatever, man. Fine.
I'll be the political advisor.
155
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,071
I'll 'vise the shib out of your ads.
156
00:06:07,106 --> 00:06:08,639
That's something I'm willing to do.
157
00:06:08,673 --> 00:06:11,175
But in return,
we need to do something for me
158
00:06:11,210 --> 00:06:12,777
Using my strength and my muscles.
159
00:06:12,811 --> 00:06:16,008
I shall be head security detail.
160
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,677
I would love that.
I'd feel a lot safer with that.
161
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,914
Cool, 'cause I know a lot more
about protecting people!
162
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,016
- Whoa!
- Whoa, Waymond.
163
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,517
Running security.
So, if you have any issues...
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00:06:26,551 --> 00:06:28,418
You're looking good.
Dust it off.
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00:06:28,452 --> 00:06:29,851
He's shook.
166
00:06:29,886 --> 00:06:31,822
Well, don't be a bitch
about it, you know?
167
00:06:35,259 --> 00:06:37,093
Okay, politics are all
about image, right?
168
00:06:37,127 --> 00:06:40,433
That's why we got you looking like
the porn star from "Nailin' Palin."
169
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,233
- You look great.
- Here, final touch...
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00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:45,134
Put these chicken cutlets
in your boob cups.
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00:06:45,168 --> 00:06:47,568
- Go ahead.
- You think this is a good idea?
172
00:06:47,602 --> 00:06:49,068
Oh, yeah, you kidding me?
173
00:06:49,102 --> 00:06:50,935
Big titties...
they command respect.
174
00:06:50,969 --> 00:06:53,568
Yeah, you got to have at least
those Kat Dennings upstairs
175
00:06:53,602 --> 00:06:55,002
to get anywhere in this world.
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00:06:55,036 --> 00:06:57,270
- Okay?
- Yes.
177
00:06:57,304 --> 00:06:58,504
What's his name?
178
00:06:58,538 --> 00:07:01,806
Um, what's, uh, your name again?
179
00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:04,874
- Gil.
- Gil.
180
00:07:04,908 --> 00:07:06,611
- Okay, his name is Gil.
- Okay.
181
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,342
- He works here.
- Here?
182
00:07:08,376 --> 00:07:10,276
Yeah.
How about that?
183
00:07:10,310 --> 00:07:13,010
Hey, Gil.
My name is Gillian Belk,
184
00:07:13,044 --> 00:07:15,911
And I work here too.
No, I'm sorry... Jillian.
185
00:07:15,945 --> 00:07:20,118
I'm Jillian Bleck.
Nope. Blelk.
186
00:07:20,153 --> 00:07:22,988
Blocks.
My name's Bling...
187
00:07:23,023 --> 00:07:24,491
Don't... just start from the top.
188
00:07:24,525 --> 00:07:27,594
- Uh... My name's Lennon.
- Just start over.
189
00:07:27,628 --> 00:07:29,562
I can't.
I'm gonna throw up.
190
00:07:30,998 --> 00:07:33,198
Hi, Bill.
My name is Jillian Belk.
191
00:07:33,233 --> 00:07:34,398
And I'll shop for you.
192
00:07:34,433 --> 00:07:36,502
That's my slogan.
I thought of it.
193
00:07:36,536 --> 00:07:39,005
Just make sure you buy
lots of fruity pebbles, okay?
194
00:07:39,039 --> 00:07:40,642
They're bomb-dot-com.
195
00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:42,745
Yeah, I'm gonna need
to take these for testing.
196
00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:44,147
Make sure there's no ricin.
197
00:07:44,181 --> 00:07:47,049
Mmm. No, don't taste
any rice in it,
198
00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:50,016
But I'm gonna keep these for
testing... Ist's a security thing.
199
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:52,018
Let me get some of those, man.
They're so good.
200
00:07:52,053 --> 00:07:54,822
That's my lunch, you troll!
201
00:07:54,856 --> 00:07:56,557
What did you say?
202
00:07:56,591 --> 00:07:58,392
Come on. Come on.
203
00:07:58,426 --> 00:07:59,826
Ugh!
204
00:08:02,295 --> 00:08:04,730
You should, like, come hang
out with us sometime, man.
205
00:08:04,764 --> 00:08:06,298
Yeah, that'd be cool.
206
00:08:06,332 --> 00:08:07,564
Ladies and gentlemen,
207
00:08:07,599 --> 00:08:08,830
If I could please have your attention.
208
00:08:08,865 --> 00:08:11,399
Up here.
209
00:08:11,433 --> 00:08:14,436
Hey, I'm Montez's real doctor.
I swear to God.
210
00:08:14,470 --> 00:08:15,904
I've seen his penis,
211
00:08:15,938 --> 00:08:17,735
and I've stuck this finger
up his heinie.
212
00:08:17,770 --> 00:08:20,070
One question...
Why would Montez Walker need
213
00:08:20,104 --> 00:08:22,639
to eat healthy
when a Google search showed
214
00:08:22,674 --> 00:08:25,172
Montez Walker having
zero healthy problems?
215
00:08:25,207 --> 00:08:27,639
Sounds to me like he's a healthy liar.
216
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,540
Jillian Belk is a real cool chica,
217
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,142
And I vibe with her.
218
00:08:31,176 --> 00:08:33,375
Oh, I'm a doctor,
and I-I'm a real doctor,
219
00:08:33,409 --> 00:08:34,942
And I approve of that.
220
00:08:34,976 --> 00:08:37,043
And I approve of that.
221
00:08:37,077 --> 00:08:39,312
I'm Jillian Belk, and I'll shop for you.
222
00:08:39,347 --> 00:08:41,714
- That's my slogan.
- She made it up herself.
223
00:08:41,748 --> 00:08:43,617
Let's show some respect.
Wayman!
224
00:08:43,651 --> 00:08:46,421
Clap.
There we go.
225
00:08:46,455 --> 00:08:51,356
Hi, I'm Bill, and I'll be your moderator
for this afternoon's debate.
226
00:08:51,390 --> 00:08:53,893
First question is for Mr. Walker.
227
00:08:53,927 --> 00:08:57,963
Mr. Walker, what would be your
first act as break-room manager?
228
00:08:57,998 --> 00:08:59,297
Thank you, Bill.
229
00:09:00,932 --> 00:09:03,065
Uh, I'm gonna give the people
what they need...
230
00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:05,133
Healthy, organic snacks.
231
00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:08,468
Interesting,
because what we need is someone
232
00:09:08,502 --> 00:09:10,702
who will shop for what we want.
233
00:09:10,737 --> 00:09:13,005
Amen.
234
00:09:13,039 --> 00:09:15,106
Don't you know people need
to be told what they want,
235
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:16,875
'cause it's actually what they need?
236
00:09:16,909 --> 00:09:18,245
Where'd you learn that...
237
00:09:18,279 --> 00:09:20,315
From your wife
that has you on that diet?
238
00:09:20,349 --> 00:09:22,082
Damn!
239
00:09:22,116 --> 00:09:24,482
I don't want to be
on his wife's diet. Do you?
240
00:09:24,516 --> 00:09:25,882
- No, I don't.
- No.
241
00:09:25,916 --> 00:09:27,418
Don't you think I want my Bugles
242
00:09:27,452 --> 00:09:29,555
And my famous amoses
and all that stuff there?
243
00:09:29,589 --> 00:09:31,055
I'll shop for you.
244
00:09:31,089 --> 00:09:32,790
You better back up, woman,
or this health kick
245
00:09:32,824 --> 00:09:34,760
gonna turn into a karate kick.
I got a beige belt!
246
00:09:34,794 --> 00:09:36,063
- It's a beige belt.
- I hate you.
247
00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:37,932
...him up.
248
00:09:37,966 --> 00:09:39,668
Shut up.
249
00:09:39,702 --> 00:09:41,234
You're really...
You're trippin' right now.
250
00:09:41,269 --> 00:09:43,102
I mean, nah.
I mean, I like being healthy.
251
00:09:43,136 --> 00:09:44,403
I feel good.
252
00:09:44,437 --> 00:09:45,871
Don't y'all want to feel good too?
253
00:09:45,905 --> 00:09:48,303
- No.
- I will shop for you.
254
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:51,407
You know? I mean, it's called
"junk food" for a reason.
255
00:09:51,442 --> 00:09:54,012
You know, that's why she get
all loud and physical.
256
00:09:54,047 --> 00:09:55,949
- I'll shop for you.
- I love Colleen...
257
00:09:55,983 --> 00:09:57,849
But I can't...
I can't do this no more.
258
00:09:57,883 --> 00:09:59,281
I don't want to eat like this!
259
00:09:59,316 --> 00:10:00,984
You don't have to.
I'll shop for you.
260
00:10:01,019 --> 00:10:02,886
- No more kale.
- I will shop for you.
261
00:10:02,921 --> 00:10:05,718
I'm tired of this shrubbery.
I'm not a rabbit, Jillian!
262
00:10:05,752 --> 00:10:07,387
I will shop for you!
No more quinoa.
263
00:10:07,421 --> 00:10:09,255
...quinoa, Jillian!
264
00:10:09,290 --> 00:10:12,324
I want some Bugles!
I want some corn nuts!
265
00:10:12,358 --> 00:10:14,327
I need some corn nuts, Jillian.
266
00:10:14,361 --> 00:10:16,698
I will get you Bugles,
267
00:10:16,733 --> 00:10:19,633
And I will get you corn nuts...
268
00:10:19,667 --> 00:10:22,367
Because I will shop for you.
269
00:10:22,401 --> 00:10:24,604
I will shop for all of you!
270
00:10:24,638 --> 00:10:26,171
- Yeah.
- I will shop for you.
271
00:10:26,206 --> 00:10:28,605
- Yeah.
- I will shop for all of you.
272
00:10:28,639 --> 00:10:30,573
She will shop for you!
273
00:10:30,607 --> 00:10:33,244
- We're voting for Jillian.
- Yes! I won.
274
00:10:33,278 --> 00:10:35,345
We told Jillian to get
that giant popcorn tin
275
00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:36,645
From Costco, right?
276
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,311
Karl said he wanted it for Saturday.
277
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,178
We did, but now that
I'm thinking about it,
278
00:10:40,213 --> 00:10:42,279
I think I forgot to tell her
to get Kirkland jeans.
279
00:10:42,314 --> 00:10:44,347
- I told her.
- Nice.
280
00:10:44,381 --> 00:10:46,952
I told her to get Kirkland
polos and leather sandals.
281
00:10:46,986 --> 00:10:49,722
Dude, three dudes
in matching Kirkland 'fits?
282
00:10:49,756 --> 00:10:51,489
- More like "twirkland," right?
- Yeah.
283
00:10:51,524 --> 00:10:54,627
Girls are gonna be slobbin'
on our knobs like corn on our penises!
284
00:10:54,661 --> 00:10:56,562
What the hell?
285
00:10:57,964 --> 00:11:01,364
What?
286
00:11:01,398 --> 00:11:04,702
What's the matter, boys?
Pussies got your snacks?
287
00:11:04,736 --> 00:11:06,338
- Snatch? What?
- What?
288
00:11:06,372 --> 00:11:09,240
As break-room manager,
I put all snacks
289
00:11:09,274 --> 00:11:11,444
under strict lock and key.
290
00:11:11,479 --> 00:11:13,181
You want a can of soda pop?
291
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:14,849
You got to go through me.
292
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:17,049
You want T.P. To wipe
your little butt-butts?
293
00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:20,250
Let's chat.
Seriously, let's chat, Blake.
294
00:11:20,285 --> 00:11:23,320
Hey, what is this...
some kind of sick joke?
295
00:11:23,354 --> 00:11:25,218
Oh, my Gosh,
are those Kirkland jeans?
296
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,188
Oh, these?
Yeah, they are Kirkland.
297
00:11:27,222 --> 00:11:30,221
And I'm looking like a boss,
though, in head-to-toe Costco.
298
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,823
They look good.
299
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,191
You know, boys, when I went
on my listening tour,
300
00:11:33,225 --> 00:11:36,561
the number-one complaint was
that people were stealing supplies.
301
00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:39,693
So I installed this
high-tech security system.
302
00:11:39,727 --> 00:11:41,027
You see that?
303
00:11:41,061 --> 00:11:43,263
I'm pissed now!
304
00:11:43,298 --> 00:11:46,633
You t-take the snacks
out of this contraption
305
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,936
that you've locked 'em up in
immediately!
306
00:11:48,970 --> 00:11:51,307
And that is an order,
starting now. Go!
307
00:11:51,341 --> 00:11:53,473
I don't just shop for you, all right?
308
00:11:53,508 --> 00:11:55,638
- I shop for everyone!
- Give me those jeans!
309
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:56,839
- No. Get off.
- Get the jeans.
310
00:11:56,873 --> 00:11:58,039
- Take her jeans.
- Blake, stop it!
311
00:11:58,074 --> 00:12:00,376
- Stop!
- Ow, your keys hit me.
312
00:12:00,410 --> 00:12:01,410
The jig is up!
313
00:12:01,444 --> 00:12:03,078
And if you guys get hungry,
314
00:12:03,112 --> 00:12:04,480
You can snack on these.
315
00:12:04,514 --> 00:12:05,748
- Oh...
- Satisfy your appetite.
316
00:12:05,782 --> 00:12:06,883
Are those your titties?
317
00:12:06,917 --> 00:12:08,919
Did she just pull her titties out?
318
00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:15,962
No snacks, no party, no star-fuggers.
319
00:12:15,997 --> 00:12:18,195
That means no place to put our boners,
320
00:12:18,229 --> 00:12:20,364
Except in our hands. Again.
321
00:12:20,398 --> 00:12:22,463
It's not as fun.
I've got callouses from working out.
322
00:12:22,498 --> 00:12:25,428
I don't know. Maybe we should
just get our snacks at 7-eleven.
323
00:12:25,462 --> 00:12:27,365
- That's what we always do.
- What?
324
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,370
7-eleven doesn't have party
tins full of popcorn, okay?
325
00:12:30,404 --> 00:12:32,071
That's what Karl asked for.
326
00:12:32,105 --> 00:12:34,206
All I'm saying is we are
supposed to be living
327
00:12:34,241 --> 00:12:36,409
- that crazy Costco life.
- I know.
328
00:12:36,443 --> 00:12:38,580
I don't know if I've ever
told you guys this story,
329
00:12:38,615 --> 00:12:42,615
But I snuck into a Costco
when I was a kid.
330
00:12:42,649 --> 00:12:44,617
- Yeah, we've heard that story.
- Yeah.
331
00:12:44,651 --> 00:12:47,019
It was the most magnificent
experience of my life.
332
00:12:47,053 --> 00:12:50,019
There was giant trampolines
hanging from the ceiling.
333
00:12:50,054 --> 00:12:51,655
Like, shampoo bottles
that are, like...
334
00:12:51,689 --> 00:12:54,190
The size of my massive thighs.
335
00:12:54,224 --> 00:12:55,657
I only got, like, 15 feet in,
336
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:57,259
then I was tackled by security.
337
00:12:57,293 --> 00:12:59,393
But it was...
338
00:12:59,428 --> 00:13:02,129
It was, honestly, the best
40 seconds of my life.
339
00:13:02,163 --> 00:13:04,395
- Yeah.
- We've heard this story.
340
00:13:04,429 --> 00:13:05,996
Well, then why didn't you stop me?
341
00:13:06,030 --> 00:13:08,098
I didn't stop you
because I like the story,
342
00:13:08,133 --> 00:13:10,100
and it got me jacked up
about some Kirkland jeans
343
00:13:10,135 --> 00:13:11,166
that I want, man.
344
00:13:11,201 --> 00:13:12,266
That's part of the story!
345
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:14,035
The wide legs, the thick denim.
346
00:13:14,069 --> 00:13:15,836
- The elastic waistbands.
- Mm-hmm.
347
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:17,569
'cause you're gonna want
to have a few snacks
348
00:13:17,603 --> 00:13:19,001
while you're there.
349
00:13:19,035 --> 00:13:22,236
And if you get 'em without the pockets
on the back, no snaggin'.
350
00:13:22,271 --> 00:13:24,272
That's...
Those are women's jeans. Yeah.
351
00:13:24,306 --> 00:13:25,640
Well, they just sit better on my hips.
352
00:13:25,674 --> 00:13:27,274
You do have a very womanly figure.
353
00:13:27,308 --> 00:13:29,342
- I have what I have.
- You also have tits.
354
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:32,677
- Nice skin.
- You know, quite frankly...
355
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:35,111
I'm willing to march
into Alice's office right now,
356
00:13:35,146 --> 00:13:36,278
and say...
357
00:13:36,312 --> 00:13:38,044
"I quit." right?
358
00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:41,080
"I'm gonna go be
a Costco security guard."
359
00:13:41,114 --> 00:13:43,381
I might just use
my regular voice, though.
360
00:13:43,415 --> 00:13:45,949
- I don't know.
- Or...
361
00:13:45,983 --> 00:13:48,983
We steal the snacks
from the break room.
362
00:13:49,017 --> 00:13:51,815
Ocean's Eleven and Thirteen this bitch.
363
00:13:51,850 --> 00:13:52,881
...Ocean's Twelve!
364
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,415
- Yeah.
- Total misfire.
365
00:13:54,450 --> 00:13:56,682
All right, last one, Waymond.
Put your hand out.
366
00:13:56,717 --> 00:13:59,516
No one likes a gummi slut.
Get out of here.
367
00:13:59,551 --> 00:14:01,553
Hey, Jillian.
368
00:14:01,587 --> 00:14:05,285
Could I please get four
low-sodium string cheeses?
369
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,655
Well, you've already hit
your snack limit for the day.
370
00:14:07,689 --> 00:14:08,790
Now hit the road.
371
00:14:10,661 --> 00:14:13,127
Jillian, I don't think you understand.
372
00:14:13,161 --> 00:14:15,196
I'm, like, the biggest dude
in this office.
373
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:18,166
Okay, well, my best offer
is seven grapes.
374
00:14:18,201 --> 00:14:20,333
- Hey, Jillian.
- Hmm?
375
00:14:20,367 --> 00:14:22,737
...yo' grapes!
376
00:14:22,771 --> 00:14:25,975
I'm just trying to make sure we've got
all our ducks in a row here,
377
00:14:26,009 --> 00:14:29,012
uh, you know, because basically,
the way I'm looking at it...
378
00:14:29,047 --> 00:14:30,313
Yeah. No, I know.
379
00:14:30,348 --> 00:14:33,449
But trust me,
the deal is almost done.
380
00:14:33,484 --> 00:14:38,720
Hey, Jillian, um, do you have the keys
to the storage closet?
381
00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:39,919
What for?
382
00:14:39,954 --> 00:14:42,320
I just need to vacuum something.
383
00:14:42,354 --> 00:14:45,053
Uh, what something?
384
00:14:45,088 --> 00:14:47,623
Um, well, it's just that, uh...
385
00:14:47,657 --> 00:14:50,757
I wanted to shave my nipples.
386
00:14:50,791 --> 00:14:52,323
But they're, like, kind of hairy,
387
00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:54,990
So I don't want
to get hair everywhere.
388
00:14:56,991 --> 00:14:58,491
A little privacy, buddy!
389
00:14:58,525 --> 00:15:01,892
I'm obviously masturbating
right now. It hurts.
390
00:15:01,926 --> 00:15:04,327
Feels like razor blades
are coming out the tip.
391
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,495
Just kidding.
I'm pooping here!
392
00:15:06,529 --> 00:15:09,927
Oh! Whoo!
What did I eat, rocks?
393
00:15:09,962 --> 00:15:11,830
Alice.
394
00:15:11,865 --> 00:15:15,433
Oh, I've got some...
pretty gross news.
395
00:15:15,467 --> 00:15:20,133
I, on accident, dropped
an atom bomb in the bathroom,
396
00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:23,095
and the toilet was destroyed,
so that is on me.
397
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:25,396
And I know a plumber
who's gonna take care of it.
398
00:15:25,430 --> 00:15:27,397
And you look awesome today,
by the way.
399
00:15:47,349 --> 00:15:49,515
Okay, everyone outside.
400
00:15:49,550 --> 00:15:51,017
Go!
401
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:54,789
Gil, got some RC Ten
in the fridge for you.
402
00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:58,260
False alarm.
False alarm.
403
00:15:58,295 --> 00:16:00,697
Someone pulled the fire alarm.
404
00:16:00,732 --> 00:16:04,001
Where are the boys?
405
00:16:05,502 --> 00:16:07,368
You're busted, busters!
406
00:16:07,402 --> 00:16:09,269
What?
407
00:16:09,303 --> 00:16:13,839
Whoo! I got you.
I got you so good.
408
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,375
- Yes!
- All right, just...
409
00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:17,846
Please don't tell Alice about this.
410
00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:19,849
You got us.
Good one, Jillian.
411
00:16:19,884 --> 00:16:22,519
No, no, no.
412
00:16:22,554 --> 00:16:24,655
No, this is too easy.
413
00:16:24,689 --> 00:16:26,722
You guys are smarter than this.
414
00:16:26,757 --> 00:16:28,589
You wanted me to catch you here.
415
00:16:28,624 --> 00:16:31,360
Um, what are you talking about?
416
00:16:31,395 --> 00:16:33,562
Earlier today, I noticed
you guys were acting
417
00:16:33,596 --> 00:16:35,127
a little strange.
418
00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:42,365
And when adam confronted me
in the break room...
419
00:16:42,399 --> 00:16:44,600
...yo' grapes!
420
00:16:44,634 --> 00:16:47,402
I could tell you were
getting desperate for snacks,
421
00:16:47,437 --> 00:16:50,472
which is probably when Ders
put the plan into action.
422
00:16:50,506 --> 00:16:52,640
The deal's almost done.
423
00:16:52,674 --> 00:16:56,010
Jillian's dumb ass is never
gonna know what hit her.
424
00:16:56,045 --> 00:16:58,811
And I got to tell you,
lame attempt
425
00:16:58,845 --> 00:17:01,412
at distracting me, Blake.
426
00:17:04,449 --> 00:17:06,651
I've seen way hairier nipples.
427
00:17:09,489 --> 00:17:11,157
But you did get the vacuum.
428
00:17:11,192 --> 00:17:13,694
That was the first slipup.
429
00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:15,929
My second mistake was thinking
that Adam
430
00:17:15,963 --> 00:17:18,497
had clogged the toilet
with an empty-stomach dump.
431
00:17:20,701 --> 00:17:22,967
Hey, I'm pooping here!
432
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,769
- Not.
- Not, indeed.
433
00:17:25,803 --> 00:17:27,737
I'm guessing you shoved
your undershirt
434
00:17:27,771 --> 00:17:30,138
down the pipe to clog it.
435
00:17:30,172 --> 00:17:33,275
But Alice bought the whole
chicken and poodle, didn't she?
436
00:17:33,310 --> 00:17:36,511
But I'm gonna hire a plumber,
get it fixed.
437
00:17:36,546 --> 00:17:40,016
Which brings us to
your plumber friend, Karl.
438
00:17:52,796 --> 00:17:56,096
Then that Karl guy
must have gone into the vents,
439
00:17:59,502 --> 00:18:02,202
cut holes behind every cabinet,
440
00:18:08,076 --> 00:18:10,878
sucked the snacks out
using Blake's shop-vac,
441
00:18:16,949 --> 00:18:18,882
And then taped up
the back of the bags
442
00:18:18,917 --> 00:18:21,316
So they looked untouched.
443
00:18:24,384 --> 00:18:26,984
Which means that these...
444
00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:29,717
These chips in here...
445
00:18:29,751 --> 00:18:31,854
Are all empty.
446
00:18:31,888 --> 00:18:34,988
So the only thing
I'm left wondering is,
447
00:18:35,023 --> 00:18:37,724
How the hell do you plan
on sneaking the snacks
448
00:18:37,759 --> 00:18:39,692
out of this building?
449
00:18:39,726 --> 00:18:41,963
All right, guys, I'm all done,
so I'm gonna head out.
450
00:18:41,998 --> 00:18:45,231
I'll see you at my party.
Later.
451
00:18:48,936 --> 00:18:51,537
Hey, get over here!
452
00:18:51,571 --> 00:18:53,737
Man in gray, get back here!
453
00:18:53,772 --> 00:18:55,305
Aah!
454
00:18:55,339 --> 00:18:57,108
Oh, my God!
Oh. Oh!
455
00:18:57,142 --> 00:19:00,812
Get over here!
Oh! Ow!
456
00:19:00,847 --> 00:19:03,079
You made my discman skip!
457
00:19:03,114 --> 00:19:05,716
So we should just
steal these snacks, right?
458
00:19:05,751 --> 00:19:06,950
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Cool.
459
00:19:06,985 --> 00:19:08,118
- All right.
- That worked out.
460
00:19:08,152 --> 00:19:09,519
Here you go.
461
00:19:09,554 --> 00:19:11,321
That was an incredible plan
that she had.
462
00:19:11,355 --> 00:19:13,792
Yeah, way more Ocean's Eleven
and Thirteen than ours.
463
00:19:13,826 --> 00:19:15,526
- Yeah.
- But quite frankly, guys,
464
00:19:15,561 --> 00:19:18,026
I think our idea
of pulling the fire alarm,
465
00:19:18,060 --> 00:19:21,130
smashing the locks,
and grabbing all the snacks...
466
00:19:21,164 --> 00:19:23,601
- Not a bad plan.
- It was gonna work.
467
00:19:23,635 --> 00:19:26,102
I love you, dudes,
468
00:19:26,137 --> 00:19:27,867
All right, we got snacks.
469
00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:29,867
I want my snacks.
I want my... Crap!
470
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:32,438
Crap?
471
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:33,605
Crap!
472
00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:35,606
Busted, busters!
473
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,375
Come on.
474
00:19:38,409 --> 00:19:39,809
...Jillian...
475
00:19:39,844 --> 00:19:40,944
Where are my clif bars?
476
00:19:40,978 --> 00:19:42,913
The shop-vac, the toilet...
477
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:44,480
They cut holes behind every cabinet.
478
00:19:44,514 --> 00:19:48,415
I asked you for one thing.
One thing!
479
00:19:48,449 --> 00:19:51,814
God, I swear, you are,
like, mentally ill or something.
480
00:19:51,849 --> 00:19:53,483
Give me my Costco card.
481
00:19:53,518 --> 00:19:56,254
Okay.
482
00:19:56,289 --> 00:20:00,621
You need to see a shrink,
'cause you suck at life.
483
00:20:00,656 --> 00:20:02,922
You suck at life.
484
00:20:11,708 --> 00:20:14,612
Hey, get away.
Are you a star?
485
00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:15,680
I didn't think so.
486
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,414
Who would you rather have?
Who would you rather have?
487
00:20:18,449 --> 00:20:20,049
Okay, well, she just moved your hand.
488
00:20:20,083 --> 00:20:21,451
She just moved your hand.
489
00:20:21,485 --> 00:20:23,820
Oh, oh, oh.
Take it back. Check it out.
490
00:20:23,855 --> 00:20:25,422
- Ursula! Hey!
- What the hell? God!
491
00:20:25,456 --> 00:20:27,321
Oh, whoa, man.
492
00:20:27,355 --> 00:20:29,387
What are you doing with your
nose in my wife's... ?
493
00:20:29,422 --> 00:20:31,356
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
494
00:20:31,390 --> 00:20:32,891
That's bull...
495
00:20:32,926 --> 00:20:34,460
No, she loves me, man.
She loves me!
496
00:20:34,494 --> 00:20:36,127
Loves you?
Here we go, here we go.
497
00:20:36,162 --> 00:20:38,531
Here comes the boom.
498
00:20:38,565 --> 00:20:41,532
- You son of a... !
- Oh!
499
00:20:44,268 --> 00:20:46,906
My God, man.
That was awesome.
500
00:20:46,940 --> 00:20:48,406
Yeah, but me and that dude
are cool now.
501
00:20:48,441 --> 00:20:51,242
He's, like, one
of my really good friends.
502
00:20:51,276 --> 00:20:53,908
He works at the Waterworld show
at Universal Studios.
503
00:20:53,943 --> 00:20:55,176
He can get us in for free.
504
00:20:55,211 --> 00:20:57,146
Nice!
505
00:20:59,514 --> 00:21:03,999
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com
506
00:21:04,049 --> 00:21:08,599
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37892
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