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1
00:00:07,089 --> 00:00:08,298
Good morning!
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:13,429
You guys are such slobs.
Thank God I hired a maid. Jesus.
3
00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:15,849
What a beautiful day.
4
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:19,435
I went hiking, I got my usual Starbucks,
I'm ready to eat life!
5
00:00:19,518 --> 00:00:20,519
(groans)
6
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:23,940
Why don't you eat me, Reggie,
'cause you're too fucking loud! (groans)
7
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:28,277
Yeah. Would you dial it down a notch?
We both have pounding headaches.
8
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:29,821
Well, from what I overheard last night,
9
00:00:29,903 --> 00:00:32,948
your heads aren't the only things that got
pounded. Were you fisting or something?
10
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,951
No. And our door was shut.
11
00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:37,745
There's no way you could've
overheard our lovemaking.
12
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:38,788
Lovemaking?
13
00:00:38,871 --> 00:00:42,709
The screams I heard sounded
more like childbirth with no epidural.
14
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,419
You two would keep Helen Keller awake.
15
00:00:50,549 --> 00:00:55,095
♪Where the bears are
We wanna be♪
16
00:00:56,805 --> 00:01:01,811
SEASON 7: EPISODE 2
BEARS OF NOTE
17
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:08,233
So fucking what, Reggie!
18
00:01:08,317 --> 00:01:11,320
So we were pounding each other
for hours, balls deep in the bedroom!
19
00:01:11,403 --> 00:01:14,281
You have a problem with that,
of all people?
20
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:19,329
I don't. I was doing the same thing
with my hookup from GROWLr last night.
21
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:23,625
Yeah, he was this hot muscle daddy
with an ass that was just like...
22
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:28,046
What's this? Did you guys
leave me a little note?
23
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:29,463
No.
24
00:01:31,757 --> 00:01:32,634
What's it say?
25
00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:36,096
Well, I'll tell you what it says, Nelson.
26
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:38,555
It says, "You hairy fuck,
I'm gonna kill you."
27
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:44,813
- What?
- That is weird.
28
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,231
Not really.
29
00:01:47,314 --> 00:01:50,067
I think it was from my hookup
from last night.
30
00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:52,486
He was really into BDSM role play.
31
00:01:52,569 --> 00:01:56,949
And I was his sub, so I think this
is his way of saying, "Thank you."
32
00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,034
He's harmless.
33
00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:01,078
Guys, what the hell is that?
34
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:02,706
Who is...? Is that Cyril?
35
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,707
Here's today's first meltdown.
36
00:02:08,252 --> 00:02:10,713
Welcome back to Desert Living With Donna.
37
00:02:10,796 --> 00:02:12,549
I'm your host Donna DeCarlo.
38
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:17,012
I'm here with infamous serial killer, and
newly released, ex-convict Cyril Bowers.
39
00:02:17,094 --> 00:02:20,764
Released?! What the hell
are they talking about, released?
40
00:02:20,848 --> 00:02:22,808
Baby, we were trying to tell you
about this last week
41
00:02:22,891 --> 00:02:24,436
but you were busy shooting your pilot.
42
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:27,605
Cyril's appeal went through. He's being
released from prison on a technicality.
43
00:02:27,688 --> 00:02:30,316
Apparently, his 6th Amendment right
to adequate council was violated.
44
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,360
- Because his lawyer was fucking the DA.
- Oh, God.
45
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:34,653
Yeah, and he's living in that condo
that he was in out here.
46
00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:37,032
Remember the one where he almost
killed you with that giant needle?
47
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,408
Yeah, I remember, Wood.
48
00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:47,709
Cyril, tell me, what's it like
to finally be a free man,
49
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:51,337
living in a beautifully decorated tasteful
condominium, I might add.
50
00:02:51,420 --> 00:02:53,673
Thanks Donna. It feels fantastic.
51
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,592
I'm totally rehabilitated,
52
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,218
I'm no longer a threat to society,
53
00:02:57,301 --> 00:02:58,302
Mmm.
54
00:02:58,385 --> 00:03:00,722
- I credit my therapist for that.
- Mmm.
55
00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:03,682
But primarily my love for interior design.
56
00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:06,811
Check out these swatches I've selected for
my window treatments I'll be installing.
57
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:08,438
Those are beautiful.
58
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:12,941
Now tell me, if I happen to call ya
sometime, would you like to grab a drink?
59
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,861
Uh, I like men.
60
00:03:16,153 --> 00:03:17,155
Yeah, so do I.
61
00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:23,078
I cannot believe
that they let that psycho out of prison.
62
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,038
And he's here in town with us?
63
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:27,123
Come on, honey, it's gonna be fine,
come on. Bring it in.
64
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:28,750
He's a different person now, Nelson.
65
00:03:28,832 --> 00:03:32,878
I've been doing my show with him
for over a year. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
(his phone is vibrating)
66
00:03:32,961 --> 00:03:34,673
- Oh, Jesus.
- Who's that?
67
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:38,342
It's Rami. He wants to sneak away from the
Prince and come out and visit me here this week.
68
00:03:38,425 --> 00:03:40,803
He keeps hinting about something
big he wants to discuss.
69
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,681
I'm so afraid he's gonna pop the question.
70
00:03:43,764 --> 00:03:47,559
Whether or not the rumors are true that
you've had anal rejuvenation surgery.
71
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:52,064
No, Wood! I'm afraid
he's gonna propose marriage.
72
00:03:52,147 --> 00:03:55,901
I mean, I love Rami, but I'm not sure I'm
ready for that kind of lifelong commitment.
73
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,737
(all chuckle)
74
00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:58,987
Let me help you out, Reggie.
75
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,615
You're not, okay?
76
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:03,493
You can't even commit to calling
your own mother on her birthday.
77
00:04:03,575 --> 00:04:05,120
(gasps) Was that yesterday?!
78
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,417
Can we please get back to the fact
that this nutcase is out of jail
79
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,419
and he's probably
gonna try to kill me again?
80
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,963
Yeah, but prison made him even hotter.
81
00:04:15,045 --> 00:04:16,923
Yeah, it did.
82
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,425
Et tu, Todd?
83
00:04:18,507 --> 00:04:19,633
What?
84
00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:24,889
For the eight billionth time,
85
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,766
it is step, ball, change, kick!
86
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,935
Step, ball, change, kick!
87
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,060
Turn, turn, turn!
88
00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:31,603
Land, settle, now look!
89
00:04:31,687 --> 00:04:34,940
Listen up, you hirsute hippopotami,
90
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:38,360
I cast you as the feature dancers
because I thought you could handle it,
91
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,154
but don't think I won't replace you
92
00:04:40,237 --> 00:04:43,324
as soon as I look at your dirty,
hairy assholes again!
93
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,451
Now let's try it again.
94
00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,661
Five, six, seven, eight,
95
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,829
step, turn, kick... No!
96
00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,122
Start again!
97
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,334
Five, six, seven, eight, step...
98
00:04:52,416 --> 00:04:53,709
Reggie, you made it!
99
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,336
Tristan!
100
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,547
And these must be your friends.
101
00:04:57,629 --> 00:04:59,089
- Hey. I'm Nelson.
- Wood Burns.
102
00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:00,591
- Todd.
- You probably recognize me.
103
00:05:02,718 --> 00:05:07,057
You know, Reggie, I am so grateful that you
agreed to be a judge for this year's pageant.
104
00:05:07,139 --> 00:05:11,353
This is our 30th anniversary, and as the
owner and founder of Mr. Bear America,
105
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:16,483
I'm just bound and determined to make this
the biggest and the best pageant ever.
106
00:05:16,565 --> 00:05:19,151
How could I say no? It's an amazing cause.
107
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:21,946
The pageant raises millions
for AIDS charities every year.
108
00:05:22,029 --> 00:05:25,074
Oh, I know. I actually thought
about entering the contest.
109
00:05:27,576 --> 00:05:29,536
Several years ago.
110
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:35,418
Oh, Reggie, do you know my husband, Wyatt?
111
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,836
Yes, of course.
Nice to see you again, Wyatt.
112
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:41,632
I hear you're plugging that book of yours
out here during Bear Week.
113
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:45,011
What's it called again?
Bearly... Literate?
114
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,596
Wyatt, stop it!
115
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:50,934
It's called "Bearly Alive",
and I'm doing a big signing tomorrow, big!
116
00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:52,726
I'll be sure to set a copy aside for you.
117
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,395
I'm doing a big promotion this week too.
118
00:05:54,478 --> 00:05:58,315
Sporting Wood is having a pool party
to promote our new video release,
119
00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:01,235
"Ass Play on the Orient Express",
you should come.
120
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:02,569
Charming.
121
00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,990
I'll be sure to add it
to my Netflix queue.
122
00:06:05,072 --> 00:06:06,699
(laughs)
123
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,158
Put some lotion on that burn.
124
00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:12,246
Clearly, the step, I'll change.
125
00:06:12,329 --> 00:06:15,000
It's too advanced
for you rotund rhinosauri.
126
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,085
So let's try this.
127
00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:20,546
You go this direction,
you go this direction.
128
00:06:20,629 --> 00:06:23,216
It's walk, walk, walk, walk.
129
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,971
Well, that's fantastic. You can't
even do that. Let's try it again.
130
00:06:28,053 --> 00:06:30,097
Hey, are you in the contest too?
131
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:35,644
- Him? Oh my... Definitely not.
- (chuckles)
132
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:39,606
He is not in the competition.
That is hysterical.
133
00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:44,069
Yeah, me neither. I'm just here
to support my cub, Hunter, Mr. Bear Texas.
134
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:47,949
Walk, walk, walk. Not like elephants!
135
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:51,286
He's, uh, he's pretty good.
136
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:54,581
Uh, I guess so. I'm not sure
why he wants to be in the pageant,
137
00:06:54,663 --> 00:06:56,081
but whatever makes him happy.
138
00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:58,709
Places! Five, six, seven, eight
139
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:01,670
and one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
140
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:06,925
And back and one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight and...
141
00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:08,927
(screams)
142
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,764
Holy fucking God!
143
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,725
- Oh my God! I think my ankle's broken!
- Somebody call an ambulance!
144
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:16,895
Why me?! Why...?
145
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,646
Oh my God!
146
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,689
Great, the hot one.
147
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:24,526
♪Where the bears are
We wanna be♪
148
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,112
♪Where the bears are
Where the bears are♪
11334
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