Original subtitles

Honestly, I cannot believe how callous you were, Nelson,

suggesting my feelings for Prince Omar were not genuine.

Seriously, you want to do this now?

I’m sorry, I…

Reggie, look out!

(screaming)

(Nelson) Oh! Oh, my God!

Careful, for fuck's sake, Reggie!

I don't want our friendship to end like Thelma & Louise.

(grunting)

Oh, my God.

Did you want top me first?

Maybe you should top me first.

Well, someone top somebody

before Beer Can Bob turns into Limp Noodle Ned.

Okay, I'll top you. I'll top you.

Here we go, here we go.

Bob, don't fail me now!

What the hell are you doing back there, Todd, taking a nap?

I'm trying to fucking fix it!

BRAKE

(Nelson) Reggie, watch out!

(screaming)

(Nelson) Oh, my God!

Okay, uh,

I'm going to need something to hold the brake line together.

Hurry!

Uh, fuck.

Uh...

There.

What the hell?

♪Where the bears are, We wanna be♪

SEASON 6 EPISODE 16 I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BEAR SINGS

Oh, hey, Todd. Guess what?

Beer Can Bob is back!

(whispering) Quiet on the set.

- Okay. - Action!

Yeah, don't mind me.

- Oh, fuck. - Uh, uh, flogger?

Oh, that worked last time, but no good to me now.

Uh, penis pump. I can use that.

Yes! Nipple clamps, I can use those too!

And do you even know what's going on up here?

Well, the real action's right back here, Todd.

Never mind.

Is it me or are we going kind of fast?

- Oh, yeah, I'll slow down. - Yeah.

Oh, oh, you like that slower?

You like it s-lo-wer?

(grunt, laugh)

Christ!

Watch where you're going, asshole.

He nearly rammed me off the road.

(yells)

God. Watch it!

Jesus Christ.

That's it, Wood, wreck his hole!

George, look! It's working!

(grunting)

I'm try-- I almost got it!

I almost got this thing clamped!

Well, hurry! Hurry!

(Reggie) Oh, my God!

I got the wood side!

Hang on, I just need the other one!

(Nelson) Now turn, turn! Crank it!

(whimpering) Oh, God.

Oh, my God!

Hang on!

I'm getting close.

George, I'm getting close.

Okay, I'm ready!

(groans)

(gasping)

Oh, God!

That should do it! That should do it. Okay.

Press on both the brakes!

Wood, pump his ass!

(all yelling)

(groans, laughs)

You did it!

We made it!

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.

And... cut!

(laughing)

(George) That's great! It was great.

We still gotta get to the prince.

Okay.

Don't even think of answering that

during an official Agency interrogation debriefing.

I'm just putting it on silent mode.

Now, when did you first suspect Mr. Flynn of going rogue?

Oh, shit, is that Jeremy?

Oh, my God! Yeah, that's him!

I can't get away from these guys!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Stay here, we got this.

- Come on. - Yeah.

I think he went this way.

Hurry up!

(chuckling) And they left the car running for me.

(laughs) Perfect.

Idiots.

Now, if you think you're going to give me the slip...

well, son... (chuckles)

...that's going to be as hard as a choir boy in a porn shop.

Heath isn't answering his phone.

Oh, damn it!

Come on, answer the phone.

Uh, come on, switch.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, switch out. - We gotta go.

- (Reggie) Okay. - (Todd) Come on, move. Move!

Okay, hurry up.

I'll call the prince.

(phone ringing)

Eh...

Rami's not picking up.

Well, can you blame him? You treat him like garbage.

Really, Nelson? Faster, Todd, faster, please!

Hurry!

Are you sure none of you want to join the wrap party?

Well, easy, Todd, precious cargo.

Yeah, just hold on, D.W. Midget.

(George) Well...

We lost him.

I didn't.

(Martinez) Oh, good job, Frank.

You know, maybe we should start talking about a promotion.

Well, I appreciate the gesture, boys, but save your breath.

I want to talk about setting up my own shingle

with the publicity I'm gonna get turning him over to the police.

You can't do that, you work for us.

I quit… effective immediately.

And don't worry, boys, Uber's on the way, my treat.

He can't do that.

Uh, yeah, he can.

We drove his car to save on gas.

I told you we should have made him sign a noncompete agreement.

I know, honey, but sometimes I just tune you out.

Ever since I was a little boy,

I knew in my heart that I was different,

but I tried everything I could to bury those feelings

because it was not my family nor my country's idea

of what a man should be.

No, no, no! What do you guys think you're doing?

Rami, listen to me! The prince's life is in danger!

We have to get to him!

You're just trying to piggyback on his big moment,

you fame whores.

Hey, over there. Who is that?

Isn't he just there to keep an eye on Cyril?

Cyril's not here today... Eddie's off duty.

Then who?

(grunts)

(grunting)

Ah!

Wha-- Laureen!

I know it's shocking,

but is it really so hard to believe?

Who would put up with that asshole Nick and his micro-penis

if not a double agent using him for top-secret information?

So you're working for the hardliners

for the prince's home country?

They did not want RuPaul as the face

of their religiously conservative country,

so they activated me to make sure that I stop him

before he does any real damage.

And I will!

Not on my watch. Get up, get up!

Before you take me in, can I just ask you...

what did you really think about my cupcakes?

Stale, tasteless, borderline inedible.

I mean, really, how do you fuck up a cupcake?

- Fuck you! - Come on!

Fucker, motherfucker, I frosted them!

(Reggie) Rami!

Oh, God. Hang on, okay? Just hang on.

Everything's going to be okay.

Relax, Reggie. It's just a flesh wound.

- I'm going to be fine. - Okay.

But it's nice to know you actually care.

Fuckers.

Nelson, look who it is.

Wait a minute... Laureen the lush is the assassin?

(Todd) Get her the fuck out of here, guys.

Yeah, bye, right.

Right?

(Prince Omar) I do not understand.

If Reggie preferred Rami all along,

why did he mistreat him so badly?

Reggie always mistreats the ones he loves.

It's his thing.

He must really love us.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Hey, Prince, FYI, I happen to have a gay grandfather.

He's into young guys,

and I bet he would do anal

if you help him with his reverse mortgage.

I'm intrigued.

Give me his number.

- Uh-huh. - Okay.

Rami.

- That's gross. - Thanks.

Are you doing okay?

Thank you so much.

(cheering)

Hey, I can't get through...

Hey, I been talking to the network brass, Nelson.

We're thinking Otis Fairbanks spinoff.

- Sounds good to me, Scott... - Does it?

so long as the numbers are right.

Well, we'll make them right.

- Okay. - All right.

All right!

My boy!

Wow! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

I have so many people to thank for this award,

beginning with my director, George Ridgemont,

who had a clear and brilliant vision for Woodfellas.

I never understood what that was, but who cares?

I got this.

GOLDEN DICKIE AWARD Best CUMback

Oh, Wood, that's fantastic.

Director Flynn

Chief Stevens

(knocking)

You wanted to see me, boss?

Uh, no, I just wanted to hear you say it.

I mean, I can go back out and do it again.

Would you, please?

(knocking)

You wanted to see me… boss?

(sighs) One more time.

Coley & Swift Investigations

They're killing us. They're poaching all our clients.

But there's not much we can do.

Hello, boys, how you doing?

Aw, sorry we can't stay and chat,

but we've got to see a client in Beverly Hills.

(laughs) That's the name of my second goat.

(both laugh)

Oh, Rami.

(Reggie) Oh! Oh, my God.

- Beautiful. - It's beautiful.

Look! Let's take a selfie.

Yeah.

Okay, let's do a silly one.

♪Where the bears are, We wanna be♪