Original subtitles

SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA

Nelson and I met on the set of Pickax 5.

We sort of became friends,

but I liked Dickie Calloway a lot more.

Dickie Calloway was a better actor and a lot kinder person.

Nelson, not too kind,

sometimes downright scary...

and psycho!

It doesn’t surprise me

that he blew another actor’s brains out.

I’d say the prosecution rests…

but where’s the fun in that?

I’m just getting started.

Mommy.

♪Where the bears are, We wanna be♪

SEASON 6 EPISODE 12 BEAR ON TRIAL, PART ONE

The People call George Ridgemont.

Place your hand on the Bible.

Raise your right hand.

Do you swear to tell the truth,

the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

And then some!

Please have a seat, Mr. Ridgemont.

I object!

Mr. Dorkoff, it’s the job of your counsel to object.

Go ahead, Melvin, object.

Don’t pressure me! I don’t react well to pressure!

I object!

On what grounds?

Your Honor,

this endless parade of character assassination

has nothing to do with proving Mr. Dorkoff’s guilt.

Where’s the evidence?

Uh, I have 73 witnesses who saw Mr. Dorkoff pull the trigger.

That’s all the evidence I need.

This is just for kicks.

Overruled.

Mr. Ridgemont,

is it safe to say that you have a low opinion of Mr. Dorkoff?

Honey, I barely crack five feet,

all my opinions are low.

He’s going to bury me.

So it’s safe to say you don’t like him.

Why would I?

He’s rude and obnoxious,

and-and he never has a kind word to say about me.

(mouthing)

But… that doesn’t make him a killer.

In my low opinion,

Nelson would never intentionally hurt anyone.

No further questions, Your Honor.

Thank you, Mr. Ridgemont.

You may step down.

Yeah, okay.

George?

That was really nice what you did in there.

I did it for you, Wood.

I figured I owed you,

given our long and tempestuous relationship.

George, I’m lost without you!

And so is my dick: it won’t come out and play anymore.

I need you! Please, come back!

I’ll let you direct all my films!

Oh, Wood!

I missed you so!

Up! Up, George! Up!

Therefore, there is no reason

to believe that Mr. Marsden’s death

was caused by anybody other than the defendant, Nelson Dorkoff.

This bloated, sad sack,

subpar “actor”...

couldn’t stand to be around somebody

as talented as the victim.

This plus-sized, hairy, pathetic diaper salesman

spent each day on his set aching to destroy the one person

he knew the public loved more than him...

until he finally snapped and made the tragic decision

to put a bullet in the victim’s chest,

right there in the most sacred of all places...

a network television film set.

He is not only a disgrace to the acting community

but to the entire human race.

Nothing further, Your Honor.

The prosecution rests.

Thank you, counselor.

Mr. Burns, your turn.

Melvin, don’t just sit there, say something!

But everyone’s staring at me.

Yeah, they’re supposed to, because you’re my lawyer.

It’s time to present my defense.

Stop staring at me!

Hey, Melvin, where you going?

Well, that’s just great.

Mr. Dorkoff, your counselor has obviously just quit.

What do you propose we do now?

I…

Your Honor, I can fill in.

I have extensive legal experience.

I did a porn once called Hung Jury, so…

Wood, that’s not real life experience!

I, on the other hand, have actual experience

that qualifies me to represent myself.

Your Honor, I spent an entire summer

touring the East Coast in a production of Six Angry Men.

Six?

Well, sadly, half the cast contracted hepatitis

when we did three shows at P-Town Bear Week.

Tensions are mounting as Nelson Dorkoff fights

for his freedom in a trial

fraught with unexpected twists and turns.

Um, excuse me? Um, are we disturbing you here?

Well, you know, it would be helpful

if everyone could stay real quiet until we're finished.

Thank you so much.

Get that camera the hell out of my court room!

(no audible dialogue)

(Nelson) Oh, God!

Call me ASAP! From: HEATH

Um, let me just review the notes before I proceed, Your Honor.

Just tell him you’re innocent.

What do you want, Heath?

Listen, Stevens, I know you’ve got no reason to trust me,

but there’s something you should know.

A secret agency slush fund was used to fund that kid Kenny Kim

to set up your husband for Toby Marsden’s murder.

Bullshit.

This is another one of your tricks.

Listen, I know I started out trying to make you look bad,

but what I've uncovered is actually above my pay grade.

All the transactions have been linked to…

Nick Flynn.

What?

Are you sure?

You need to stay in your lane, Heath…

and not veer into uncharted areas.

Hey, boys, come here for a minute.

Chief, listen…

Otherwise, I can’t protect you.

Chief, I’m sorry I just—

Go after him!

Run! Jesus Christ!

Fuck!

♪Where the bears are, We wanna be♪

♪Where the bears are, Where the bears are♪