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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:07,090 (HORN BLOWS) 2 00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:15,156 I can't believe you guys made me do this. 3 00:00:15,157 --> 00:00:17,398 ALI: Oh, my God. I can't believe I said yes, either. 4 00:00:17,399 --> 00:00:19,520 - Welcome aboard. - Washie-washie. 5 00:00:19,521 --> 00:00:22,041 Come on, kids, follow me! 6 00:00:22,042 --> 00:00:24,444 - This way, please. - Josh, why are you so bummed out? 7 00:00:24,445 --> 00:00:26,165 - This is going to be fun. - Congratulations. 8 00:00:26,166 --> 00:00:28,888 It's fabulous. I finally have my whole brood together. 9 00:00:28,889 --> 00:00:31,650 Keep me away from this family frivolity shit 10 00:00:31,651 --> 00:00:33,131 'cause I can't deal with it right now. 11 00:00:33,132 --> 00:00:35,374 Wait, honey, honey, you have to do the hand thing. 12 00:00:35,375 --> 00:00:37,496 - Oh. - Washie-washie. - Welcome aboard. 13 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:39,696 Who knew we'd both be single again? 14 00:00:39,698 --> 00:00:42,099 (LAUGHING) But maybe there's a... 15 00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:45,182 a reason, or it's beshert. 16 00:00:45,183 --> 00:00:46,503 It's a lovely boat. 17 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,024 Something that we don't understand. 18 00:00:48,026 --> 00:00:49,305 Ship. Call it a ship. 19 00:00:49,306 --> 00:00:50,987 - What? - Ship. We call it a ship. 20 00:00:50,988 --> 00:00:53,269 - What's the difference? - It's a matter of respect. 21 00:00:53,271 --> 00:00:55,111 Matter of respect. Okay, I get that. 22 00:00:55,112 --> 00:00:58,073 I said I feel like I'm having a hot flash, it's so hot. 23 00:00:58,074 --> 00:00:59,714 Oh, God, we're losing the kids. 24 00:00:59,716 --> 00:01:02,158 - Oh. - Hey, hey, hey. Sarah. 25 00:01:02,159 --> 00:01:04,160 Josh! Ali! 26 00:01:06,162 --> 00:01:08,725 27 00:01:20,277 --> 00:01:25,526 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 28 00:01:52,003 --> 00:01:53,643 MAURA: How do we get our luggage? 29 00:01:53,644 --> 00:01:54,924 Let me make sure we're going in the right direction. 30 00:01:54,926 --> 00:01:56,286 How many Pfeffermans does it take 31 00:01:56,287 --> 00:01:57,687 to figure out where the fuck our rooms are? 32 00:01:57,688 --> 00:01:59,008 We're going to be very close to each other. 33 00:01:59,009 --> 00:02:00,369 Which is good because then we can knock 34 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,890 on each other's door in the night. 35 00:02:01,891 --> 00:02:03,291 We're all... Evens are on the right. 36 00:02:03,293 --> 00:02:04,734 Here I am. I'm going to go for a plop-down 37 00:02:04,735 --> 00:02:06,014 because I'm zebroilzled. 38 00:02:06,015 --> 00:02:07,255 Okay. W... 39 00:02:07,256 --> 00:02:08,577 Wait. I'm seeing 40 00:02:08,578 --> 00:02:10,458 that I'm on a different level than you. 41 00:02:10,459 --> 00:02:12,260 I'm going to check on that. 42 00:02:12,261 --> 00:02:15,022 Everybody get unpacked and meet for dinner at 6. 43 00:02:15,023 --> 00:02:17,025 You got that? Yeah. 44 00:02:17,906 --> 00:02:19,386 God, I feel so bad. 45 00:02:19,387 --> 00:02:20,868 Mom's alone again. 46 00:02:20,869 --> 00:02:22,350 That's why we had to come on this trip: 47 00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:25,312 because Mom would actually die if we didn't. 48 00:02:36,083 --> 00:02:38,325 (LOUNGE JAZZ) 49 00:02:51,335 --> 00:02:52,735 Hello, Shelly. 50 00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:55,699 Welcome to the Garden Villa in the Haven. 51 00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,180 I am Trevor, your personal butler, 52 00:02:57,181 --> 00:02:59,422 and I'm here to make everything smooth, 53 00:02:59,423 --> 00:03:02,426 fabulous, and easy for you and Mr. Rachlis. 54 00:03:05,068 --> 00:03:07,230 Mr. Rachlis and I just broke up, 55 00:03:07,231 --> 00:03:11,313 so I won't be able to have this extravagant space 56 00:03:11,314 --> 00:03:13,635 all for myself because it's too much. 57 00:03:13,636 --> 00:03:15,276 I'll have to change my room. Thank you. 58 00:03:15,277 --> 00:03:17,478 No, there's no need to do that. 59 00:03:17,479 --> 00:03:19,640 Being on a cruise is the perfect thing 60 00:03:19,641 --> 00:03:21,122 - for a breakup, girl, okay? - (LAUGHING) 61 00:03:21,123 --> 00:03:23,804 And this is the perfect suite to luxuriate. 62 00:03:23,805 --> 00:03:26,406 I can book you a massage. We've got acupuncture. 63 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,769 Perhaps you'd like a little Mani-pedi, 64 00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:31,493 teeth whitening, a saline Jacuzzi. 65 00:03:33,373 --> 00:03:34,774 Shel, let me ask you this. 66 00:03:34,775 --> 00:03:36,055 When was the last time 67 00:03:36,056 --> 00:03:38,177 you took some "you" time? 68 00:03:38,178 --> 00:03:40,339 Is that the same as "me" time? 69 00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:42,342 Yeah. 70 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,442 I have a surprise for everyone. 71 00:04:06,443 --> 00:04:09,605 There's something that I want to show you 72 00:04:09,606 --> 00:04:11,929 after dinner. 73 00:04:13,690 --> 00:04:15,931 I think we were supposed to download this app at home, guys. 74 00:04:15,932 --> 00:04:18,814 If we don't do this, we won't be able to keep in touch with each other. 75 00:04:18,815 --> 00:04:20,174 Done with this farshtinkener phone. 76 00:04:20,175 --> 00:04:21,696 - Doesn't work for me. - Forget it. 77 00:04:21,697 --> 00:04:23,578 So? Where's Joshie? 78 00:04:23,579 --> 00:04:24,819 He's freestyling. 79 00:04:24,820 --> 00:04:26,220 He's not feeling well? 80 00:04:26,221 --> 00:04:27,621 - He's freestyling. - No one said that, Mom. 81 00:04:27,622 --> 00:04:29,423 He's doing what he wants. 82 00:04:29,424 --> 00:04:31,665 Why does someone always get sick on vacation? 83 00:04:31,666 --> 00:04:33,667 Who had the singles in San Francisco? 84 00:04:33,668 --> 00:04:35,228 - Oh, no. - That wasn't San Francisco. 85 00:04:35,229 --> 00:04:36,669 San Francisco's where I had strep. 86 00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:37,911 - Really? - Yeah. 87 00:04:37,912 --> 00:04:39,432 That's right. You got off the plane. 88 00:04:39,433 --> 00:04:40,753 All the way from the airport 89 00:04:40,754 --> 00:04:41,994 straight to Aunt Bryna's for the Seder. 90 00:04:41,995 --> 00:04:43,676 Oh, and that was the Pesach 91 00:04:43,677 --> 00:04:45,197 that Maura and Bryna had that big fight. 92 00:04:45,198 --> 00:04:47,119 Because you took her side. 93 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,801 And then we never had another Seder after that. Why not? 94 00:04:49,802 --> 00:04:52,684 Because Pesach and Seder were always Aunt Bryna's. 95 00:04:52,685 --> 00:04:55,366 That's so stupid. Passover doesn't belong to a person. 96 00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:57,968 Our dining room table wasn't big enough for everybody. 97 00:04:57,969 --> 00:05:00,491 I... I couldn't find the leaves for the table. 98 00:05:00,492 --> 00:05:02,652 Why do you do that? I don't want that. 99 00:05:02,653 --> 00:05:03,973 Because I just don't need all this. 100 00:05:03,974 --> 00:05:05,375 One of you had chicken pox. 101 00:05:05,376 --> 00:05:07,057 - Then don't eat it. - Who had chicken pox? 102 00:05:07,058 --> 00:05:09,018 - No, but I didn't... No. - Did you have chicken pox? 103 00:05:09,019 --> 00:05:10,219 Because if I eat it... 104 00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:11,540 it's on my own plate and I eat it, 105 00:05:11,541 --> 00:05:13,542 you know how quickly I put on weight. 106 00:05:13,543 --> 00:05:14,744 I don't think Ali wants something 107 00:05:14,745 --> 00:05:16,025 with your mouth moisture on it. 108 00:05:16,026 --> 00:05:17,546 Especially when there's literally 109 00:05:17,547 --> 00:05:18,987 3,000 delicious things to eat 110 00:05:18,988 --> 00:05:20,428 in every direction on this boat. 111 00:05:20,429 --> 00:05:22,310 It's not a boat. It's a ship. 112 00:05:22,311 --> 00:05:23,832 - You have to say ship. - Ship. 113 00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:25,073 You can't misgender the ship. 114 00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:26,274 You know what? 115 00:05:26,275 --> 00:05:27,795 I don't want to miss the magic show, 116 00:05:27,796 --> 00:05:29,798 so I got to go. 117 00:05:34,562 --> 00:05:37,643 So, guys, I need to show you something after dinner. 118 00:05:37,644 --> 00:05:39,245 I'm going to go find Yoshi. 119 00:05:39,246 --> 00:05:41,248 Bye. Thanks. 120 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,011 Bye. 121 00:05:50,576 --> 00:05:52,497 Shingles in Nova Scotia. 122 00:05:52,498 --> 00:05:55,740 One of the kids had shingles in Nova Scotia. 123 00:05:55,741 --> 00:06:00,145 Mm-hmm. I think I blocked out Nova Scotia. 124 00:06:20,444 --> 00:06:21,964 Mom? 125 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,685 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. 126 00:06:23,686 --> 00:06:25,687 - Look at this. - Fuck balls. What? 127 00:06:25,688 --> 00:06:28,330 This is her room? Ha! 128 00:06:28,331 --> 00:06:30,452 This is incredible. 129 00:06:30,453 --> 00:06:31,693 - She has a piano. - Fruit? 130 00:06:31,693 --> 00:06:33,654 We don't have a fruit bowl. 131 00:06:33,655 --> 00:06:35,897 Mom, why didn't you tell us about this? 132 00:06:35,898 --> 00:06:37,418 How did you get in here? 133 00:06:37,419 --> 00:06:39,499 Oh, I accidentally picked up your key at dinner. 134 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,981 Yeah, well, this was the surprise 135 00:06:40,982 --> 00:06:42,663 I was going to tell you about at dinner last night, 136 00:06:42,664 --> 00:06:45,064 but you all treated me so horribly that I decided not to. 137 00:06:45,065 --> 00:06:46,426 We didn't treat you so horribly. 138 00:06:46,427 --> 00:06:47,706 - What are you talking about? - Yes, you did. 139 00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:49,388 You treat me horribly most of the time. 140 00:06:49,389 --> 00:06:50,750 So listen, why don't you just go? 141 00:06:50,751 --> 00:06:52,631 - Come on. - You're kicking us out? 142 00:06:52,632 --> 00:06:55,394 Yes. This is my place. this is my time. 143 00:06:55,395 --> 00:06:57,515 This is me pampering myself. 144 00:06:57,516 --> 00:06:59,797 I'm going to have a massage and a Mani-pedi, 145 00:06:59,799 --> 00:07:01,519 and I'm going to indulge myself. 146 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,322 Trevor is teaching me about self-care. 147 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,244 Who the fuck is Trevor? 148 00:07:06,245 --> 00:07:08,966 Trevor is the gay who comes with the room. 149 00:07:08,967 --> 00:07:11,328 Wow. I didn't get a gay with my room. 150 00:07:11,329 --> 00:07:13,090 Did you get a gay with your room? 151 00:07:13,091 --> 00:07:14,931 You can go now. Go ahead. 152 00:07:14,932 --> 00:07:16,934 Okay. 153 00:07:17,494 --> 00:07:19,895 Bye. Enjoy your massage. 154 00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:21,899 I will. 155 00:07:25,101 --> 00:07:27,942 ANNOUNCER: Mr. Amazing man! 156 00:07:27,943 --> 00:07:31,106 Whoo! Look at him. 157 00:07:31,107 --> 00:07:32,627 Nice, buddy. 158 00:07:32,628 --> 00:07:35,350 All right. Let me ask all the guys 159 00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:37,472 to line up one more time right there. 160 00:07:37,473 --> 00:07:39,233 Everybody, face the pool area. 161 00:07:39,234 --> 00:07:41,955 I don't know. I think, like, my ex and I 162 00:07:41,956 --> 00:07:44,117 are, like, best friends or something, 163 00:07:44,118 --> 00:07:47,000 but it just... to be honest, Lisa, 164 00:07:47,001 --> 00:07:49,803 I just can't tell if he's my person 165 00:07:49,804 --> 00:07:51,805 or do I just want him to be my person. 166 00:07:52,966 --> 00:07:54,968 What's the difference, you know? 167 00:07:56,649 --> 00:07:57,849 I guess. I don't know. 168 00:07:57,850 --> 00:07:59,531 What about you and your hubby? 169 00:07:59,532 --> 00:08:00,972 I mean, I'm assuming you're straight 170 00:08:00,973 --> 00:08:02,454 because I shouldn't... I'm... 171 00:08:02,455 --> 00:08:04,457 No. Um... 172 00:08:06,218 --> 00:08:08,619 I'm not really straight. 173 00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:11,181 I don't know. We have a kind of a... 174 00:08:11,182 --> 00:08:14,023 forward-thinking, modern thing going on. 175 00:08:14,025 --> 00:08:16,666 I mean, as long as you're being so candid, 176 00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,869 we actually, um... between you and me... 177 00:08:20,631 --> 00:08:21,831 we swing. 178 00:08:21,832 --> 00:08:23,273 - (GIGGLING) - Okay, wait. 179 00:08:23,274 --> 00:08:25,275 Like you let each other hook up with other people? 180 00:08:25,276 --> 00:08:28,838 No. No. We hook up with other couples. 181 00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:31,440 I mean, at home we have our people, 182 00:08:31,441 --> 00:08:34,202 and then, when we're, you know, on vacations like this, 183 00:08:34,203 --> 00:08:36,925 we kind of keep our eyes open 184 00:08:36,926 --> 00:08:40,609 for couples who might be into us. 185 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,931 Sounds kind of complicated. 186 00:08:43,932 --> 00:08:47,054 Mm, well, just complicated enough 187 00:08:47,055 --> 00:08:49,057 to keep life interesting, you know? 188 00:08:51,218 --> 00:08:52,579 Hey, babe. 189 00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:54,540 LEN: Hey. Everything okay? 190 00:08:54,541 --> 00:08:56,902 Yeah. Yeah. I just... 191 00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:58,904 want to tell you that I missed you. 192 00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:01,067 - Aw. You, too, loser. - (LAUGHING) 193 00:09:01,068 --> 00:09:02,708 Hey, I'm going to put you on speaker phone. 194 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,669 Guys, come here, real quick. 195 00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:06,191 - Guess who it is. - Is it Mom? 196 00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:07,592 I'll give you a hint. It's Mommy. 197 00:09:07,593 --> 00:09:09,033 - Mommy! - Say "Hi, Mommy." 198 00:09:09,034 --> 00:09:11,115 - Mommy, hi, Mommy! - Tell her the big news. 199 00:09:11,116 --> 00:09:12,556 We got big news over here. 200 00:09:12,557 --> 00:09:14,598 - We got a new pet turtle! - Yeah. 201 00:09:14,599 --> 00:09:17,120 ELLA: And also, Zacky pooped all by himself on a play date. 202 00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,882 Hey, I wanted to tell her that. 203 00:09:18,883 --> 00:09:20,003 Big news, right? 204 00:09:20,004 --> 00:09:21,244 Do you believe that? 205 00:09:21,245 --> 00:09:22,926 Oh, sweetie, I'm so proud of you. 206 00:09:22,927 --> 00:09:24,567 I'm so happy to hear all of that. 207 00:09:24,568 --> 00:09:26,650 Yeah. All right, say we love you, guys. 208 00:09:26,651 --> 00:09:27,770 - Love you, Mommy. - Love you, Mommy. 209 00:09:27,771 --> 00:09:28,811 We love you, Mommy. 210 00:09:28,812 --> 00:09:30,413 I love you guys. 211 00:09:30,414 --> 00:09:32,454 I'll see you soon. I love you. 212 00:09:32,455 --> 00:09:34,577 - Okay. Bye. - Later, Mom. 213 00:09:41,944 --> 00:09:43,224 So. 214 00:09:43,225 --> 00:09:44,305 Hmm? 215 00:09:44,306 --> 00:09:45,426 Everything okay? 216 00:09:45,427 --> 00:09:47,429 Yeah. I'm fine. 217 00:09:49,911 --> 00:09:51,512 I'm not fine. 218 00:09:51,513 --> 00:09:54,194 I miss Mr. Rachlis. 219 00:09:54,195 --> 00:09:56,316 He would have loved all of this, 220 00:09:56,317 --> 00:09:58,319 especially the food. (CHUCKLING) 221 00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:03,522 He was my port in a storm. 222 00:10:03,523 --> 00:10:05,804 He believed in me. 223 00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,966 He liked my singing. 224 00:10:07,967 --> 00:10:09,768 - You sing. - Mm-hmm. 225 00:10:09,769 --> 00:10:13,651 We were actually working on a one-woman show for me. 226 00:10:13,652 --> 00:10:16,573 I'm sorry. Did you just say one-woman show? 227 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,616 Yeah. (CHUCKLE) Yeah. 228 00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:20,617 Why am I just finding out about this? 229 00:10:20,618 --> 00:10:23,060 I have connections at the Spinnaker Lounge 230 00:10:23,061 --> 00:10:25,342 right here on the ship. It's world famous. 231 00:10:25,343 --> 00:10:26,783 Barry Manilow has played there. 232 00:10:26,784 --> 00:10:28,304 I can make this happen. 233 00:10:28,305 --> 00:10:29,666 Wait, wait, wait. I... I... 234 00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:32,147 I could do my one-woman show on this boat? 235 00:10:32,148 --> 00:10:33,709 On the... this ship, yes. 236 00:10:33,710 --> 00:10:35,712 - This ship? - Yes. 237 00:10:36,152 --> 00:10:38,154 (DANCE BEAT) 238 00:11:00,934 --> 00:11:02,696 Looking for something in particular? 239 00:11:02,697 --> 00:11:05,818 Hi. This is wonderful. 240 00:11:05,819 --> 00:11:07,660 Is this for men or for women? 241 00:11:07,661 --> 00:11:08,781 For both, either. 242 00:11:08,782 --> 00:11:10,022 What do you think? 243 00:11:10,023 --> 00:11:11,543 It's very, very nice. 244 00:11:11,544 --> 00:11:14,626 Is this what they call at-leisure wear? 245 00:11:14,627 --> 00:11:17,589 Sort of like a Boca Raton matriarch 246 00:11:17,590 --> 00:11:20,151 or a, I don't know, like a... 247 00:11:20,152 --> 00:11:23,914 hip-hop rapper... thingie? 248 00:11:23,915 --> 00:11:25,636 - It's for everyone. - Can I try it on? 249 00:11:25,637 --> 00:11:27,638 Sure. 250 00:11:42,733 --> 00:11:44,012 Hi. 251 00:11:44,013 --> 00:11:45,413 Hi. 252 00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:48,336 - You look incredible. - Thank you. 253 00:11:48,337 --> 00:11:49,818 Yeah. 254 00:11:49,819 --> 00:11:53,541 This is... This is a fabulous new look for you. 255 00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:54,982 What's going on? 256 00:11:54,983 --> 00:11:57,224 Just, uh, 257 00:11:57,225 --> 00:11:59,306 I'm saying goodbye to my Spandex 258 00:11:59,307 --> 00:12:02,509 and to my feminine shapewear. 259 00:12:02,510 --> 00:12:05,072 This one has my tuchus in it. 260 00:12:05,073 --> 00:12:06,833 Why? 261 00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:08,836 Uh... 262 00:12:12,919 --> 00:12:15,922 I can't... I can't get my surgery. 263 00:12:17,163 --> 00:12:18,403 Why? 264 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,004 Apparently, if you're my age 265 00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:21,486 and there's a little whoop-Dee-doo 266 00:12:21,487 --> 00:12:23,288 on your heart machine record, 267 00:12:23,289 --> 00:12:24,648 they will not let you go under, 268 00:12:24,649 --> 00:12:26,370 and there is a little whoop-Dee-doo 269 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,852 on my heart machine record, 270 00:12:27,853 --> 00:12:30,133 so I think it's one thing to wear this stuff 271 00:12:30,134 --> 00:12:32,255 if you, uh, know 272 00:12:32,256 --> 00:12:34,458 you are going to transform into... 273 00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,502 a new shape, but, uh, 274 00:12:39,503 --> 00:12:41,304 otherwise, it just feels like a costume. 275 00:12:41,305 --> 00:12:43,507 It feels like I'm hiding. It feels like... 276 00:12:45,108 --> 00:12:46,268 It feels wrong. 277 00:12:46,269 --> 00:12:48,109 Now, I have to do more tests, 278 00:12:48,110 --> 00:12:50,231 and I have to go off hormones, which I've done, 279 00:12:50,232 --> 00:12:52,354 and I feel like I'm... 280 00:12:53,475 --> 00:12:54,995 like I'm nothing. 281 00:12:54,996 --> 00:12:56,917 Like I feel nothing. 282 00:12:56,918 --> 00:12:59,119 It sucks. 283 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:04,525 And now I don't even know what or who I want anymore. 284 00:13:04,526 --> 00:13:06,686 Wait, so you're not transitioning? 285 00:13:06,687 --> 00:13:08,888 I've already transitioned. I'm trans. 286 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,891 I'm just... 287 00:13:12,973 --> 00:13:14,975 This is me. 288 00:13:16,256 --> 00:13:18,257 This is it. 289 00:13:19,579 --> 00:13:21,580 Well, let's... 290 00:13:23,822 --> 00:13:24,902 let's say a prayer. 291 00:13:24,903 --> 00:13:27,266 - Can I? - Do it. 292 00:13:28,547 --> 00:13:29,867 This is your butt? 293 00:13:29,868 --> 00:13:30,868 This was my butt. 294 00:13:30,869 --> 00:13:33,110 Take this. 295 00:13:33,111 --> 00:13:35,113 - Okay, ready? - Ready. 296 00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:39,437 Face the ocean and raise your arms. 297 00:13:41,319 --> 00:13:43,960 Great Mystery, 298 00:13:43,961 --> 00:13:45,401 Goddess, 299 00:13:45,402 --> 00:13:50,045 let us mark this moment to say goodbye to these 300 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:53,088 tight, terrible Spanx. 301 00:13:53,089 --> 00:13:55,611 Goodbye, tight, terrible Spanx. 302 00:13:57,133 --> 00:14:00,175 Deliver us from feeling... 303 00:14:01,816 --> 00:14:03,297 bunched up in the ass! 304 00:14:03,298 --> 00:14:04,338 Dayenu! 305 00:14:04,339 --> 00:14:06,460 And restricted and confined! 306 00:14:06,461 --> 00:14:08,582 Let us just be! 307 00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:09,983 (LAUGHING) 308 00:14:09,984 --> 00:14:11,345 Set us free! 309 00:14:11,346 --> 00:14:12,866 Set us... 310 00:14:12,867 --> 00:14:14,868 BOTH: Free! 311 00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:18,831 You know what? I'm worried about the little birdies 312 00:14:18,832 --> 00:14:21,193 getting caught up in this like a little straitjacket or something. 313 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,754 - We can't do it. - Oh, God. Here. 314 00:14:22,755 --> 00:14:24,757 There. 315 00:14:42,653 --> 00:14:44,655 Here you go. 316 00:14:48,379 --> 00:14:49,579 Hi. 317 00:14:49,580 --> 00:14:51,140 - Hey. What's up? - How are you? 318 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:53,542 I'm pretty good. How are you? 319 00:14:53,543 --> 00:14:56,745 I'm okay. 24 black. Did you just win? 320 00:14:56,746 --> 00:14:58,587 Yeah. I'm up. A lot. 321 00:14:58,588 --> 00:14:59,588 - A lot? - A lot. 322 00:14:59,589 --> 00:15:00,948 Place your bets. 323 00:15:00,949 --> 00:15:02,510 You should start betting numbers. 324 00:15:02,511 --> 00:15:03,591 I don't do numbers. 325 00:15:03,592 --> 00:15:05,072 These are really good numbers: 326 00:15:05,073 --> 00:15:06,754 3, 9, 18, 36. I promise they'll win. Please? 327 00:15:06,755 --> 00:15:08,755 - (CHUCKLE) - I'm serious. 328 00:15:08,756 --> 00:15:09,876 These are very powerful. 329 00:15:09,877 --> 00:15:11,118 Play one of mine. 330 00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,239 - Really? - Yeah. 331 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,320 - I can play this? - Yeah. 332 00:15:13,321 --> 00:15:14,801 You can put it wherever you want. 333 00:15:14,802 --> 00:15:18,285 Okay. Um, should I do 3 or 36? 334 00:15:18,286 --> 00:15:19,885 Or should I do 18? 335 00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:21,687 No, I'm going to do 36. 336 00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,769 Do it. 337 00:15:23,770 --> 00:15:24,930 Here. 338 00:15:24,931 --> 00:15:26,972 We're going to bet them all. 339 00:15:26,973 --> 00:15:29,014 - What? - Bet them all. 340 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,335 - Really? - Yeah. 341 00:15:30,336 --> 00:15:31,696 We're going to bet it all. 342 00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:33,017 - Do it. Why not? - Okay. 343 00:15:33,018 --> 00:15:34,579 I'm going to start with 3 344 00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:36,821 Because you just wrecked the binary 345 00:15:36,822 --> 00:15:39,143 And three 3's is 9, and you double that and have 18, 346 00:15:39,144 --> 00:15:40,945 and two 18's is 36. 36. 347 00:15:40,946 --> 00:15:42,305 All right, here we go. Let's go. Drop, drop. 348 00:15:42,306 --> 00:15:44,227 - Okay! Okay! - No more bets. No more bets. 349 00:15:44,228 --> 00:15:46,230 Okay. Okay. 350 00:15:46,550 --> 00:15:48,311 Wait until you see this. 351 00:15:48,312 --> 00:15:50,313 (WHISPERING) 352 00:15:53,837 --> 00:15:57,040 22 black. 22 black. 353 00:16:01,084 --> 00:16:02,123 What do you mean, that's it? 354 00:16:02,124 --> 00:16:03,605 We don't get another spin? 355 00:16:03,606 --> 00:16:05,608 No. 356 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,051 Oh, my God. 357 00:16:10,372 --> 00:16:12,533 How much money was that? 358 00:16:12,534 --> 00:16:14,574 Josh, how much money was that? 359 00:16:14,575 --> 00:16:16,176 How much money was that? 360 00:16:16,177 --> 00:16:17,497 $25,000. 361 00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:19,139 Oh, my God. What? 362 00:16:19,140 --> 00:16:22,182 Why did you just let me bet $25,000? 363 00:16:22,183 --> 00:16:24,184 I don't know what I'm doing. 364 00:16:25,145 --> 00:16:26,546 (SIGH) 365 00:16:26,547 --> 00:16:28,748 I'm so sorry. 366 00:16:28,749 --> 00:16:31,549 I'm so sorry. 367 00:16:31,550 --> 00:16:33,552 Fuck. 368 00:16:35,274 --> 00:16:37,276 What do we do? 369 00:16:37,676 --> 00:16:39,077 What do you want to do? 370 00:16:39,078 --> 00:16:41,119 I want to go be by myself. 371 00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:44,481 No, you can't be by yourself. 372 00:16:44,482 --> 00:16:47,244 I came on this cruise to be with you. 373 00:16:47,245 --> 00:16:48,685 (CHUCKLE) Really? 374 00:16:48,686 --> 00:16:50,767 - Yeah, really. - That's bullshit. 375 00:16:50,768 --> 00:16:52,008 No, it's not. 376 00:16:52,009 --> 00:16:53,930 You came on this cruise to escape Leslie. 377 00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:55,131 No, that's bullshit. 378 00:16:55,132 --> 00:16:57,012 And you also came to Overland Park 379 00:16:57,013 --> 00:16:59,295 - to escape Leslie. - Oh, please! 380 00:16:59,296 --> 00:17:01,737 You were losing your mind, and I came, and I saved you. 381 00:17:01,738 --> 00:17:04,619 You didn't save me. You're making shit up in your fucking head. 382 00:17:04,620 --> 00:17:07,582 I didn't ask you to pick me up from Overland Park. 383 00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:08,663 Okay? 384 00:17:08,664 --> 00:17:10,345 I'm not your fucking boyfriend. 385 00:17:10,346 --> 00:17:11,506 You're my sister. 386 00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:13,467 I want to be normal. 387 00:17:13,468 --> 00:17:15,149 I want to have my own family, 388 00:17:15,150 --> 00:17:18,271 and I'm... this... this is fucking it up. 389 00:17:18,272 --> 00:17:20,593 So you need to go that way, 390 00:17:20,594 --> 00:17:22,637 and I'm going to go this way. 391 00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:01,830 Sarah, get up, get up. I have an idea. 392 00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,032 - What? - I need your help. 393 00:18:03,033 --> 00:18:04,153 I want to do a Seder. 394 00:18:04,154 --> 00:18:06,035 Oh, no. I'm not doing a Seder. 395 00:18:06,036 --> 00:18:07,836 - Please? - No, no, no. 396 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,598 - Why? - Because I'm over the henani shit. 397 00:18:09,599 --> 00:18:11,360 I've never... I'm done, okay? I'm a bad Jew. 398 00:18:11,361 --> 00:18:12,921 It doesn't have to be like that. 399 00:18:12,922 --> 00:18:15,123 - Why do you want a Seder? - Because we need it. 400 00:18:15,124 --> 00:18:16,524 We're together on this boat, 401 00:18:16,525 --> 00:18:18,525 and it's the last night of Passover, 402 00:18:18,526 --> 00:18:20,447 and I just want to gather together in a circle 403 00:18:20,448 --> 00:18:23,011 and just have one moment of being connected. 404 00:18:24,091 --> 00:18:26,093 Please. 405 00:18:26,413 --> 00:18:28,415 I don't have a Seder plate or anything. 406 00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:35,221 - I just checked... - Starboard, bow. 407 00:18:35,222 --> 00:18:37,383 Then it's the 12th floor, not the 10th. 408 00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:39,184 (LAUGHING) Look. 409 00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:40,465 Give me the plate. Give me the plate. 410 00:18:40,466 --> 00:18:41,907 Oh, sorry, sorry. Here, here. 411 00:18:41,908 --> 00:18:43,909 Hey, we can use saltines for matzo. 412 00:18:43,910 --> 00:18:45,630 - Okay. - Uh... 413 00:18:45,631 --> 00:18:46,751 Oh, bone. 414 00:18:46,752 --> 00:18:48,753 - Oh, bone. - Bone. 415 00:18:49,955 --> 00:18:51,957 Oh. Perfect. 416 00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:53,918 - Parsley. - For what? 417 00:18:53,919 --> 00:18:55,719 - Charoset. - Charoset. 418 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,761 - Uh, nuts... - Nuts, raisins. 419 00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,923 - Yeah. And... - Okay. Nuts and raisins. 420 00:18:59,924 --> 00:19:01,083 They don't have wine here. 421 00:19:01,084 --> 00:19:02,245 Vinegar. Get vinegar. 422 00:19:02,246 --> 00:19:04,527 Vinegar. That is such a good idea. 423 00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:09,091 Okay, that's good. That's good. 424 00:19:09,092 --> 00:19:11,092 - Bitter herbs. - Here's your wasabi. 425 00:19:11,093 --> 00:19:12,254 - Thank you. - It's perfect. 426 00:19:12,255 --> 00:19:14,257 - That's great. - Thank you. 427 00:19:18,501 --> 00:19:21,782 Okay, um, let's all take a moment 428 00:19:21,783 --> 00:19:23,464 to take a few deep breaths. 429 00:19:23,465 --> 00:19:25,986 Ground yourself. 430 00:19:25,987 --> 00:19:30,309 And, um, just be grateful 431 00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:32,912 that we're all gathered together, 432 00:19:32,913 --> 00:19:36,475 invited by the feminine spirit, 433 00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:37,917 She who holds space, 434 00:19:37,918 --> 00:19:42,521 and we're going to name this moment 435 00:19:42,522 --> 00:19:49,207 and mark this tradition of our people, 436 00:19:49,208 --> 00:19:51,089 the Jewish people. 437 00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:54,331 So today, before the sun goes down, 438 00:19:54,332 --> 00:19:58,815 we're going to taste the foods of the ritual platter. 439 00:19:58,816 --> 00:20:00,057 MAURA: What is that? 440 00:20:00,058 --> 00:20:01,217 That's the charoset. 441 00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:02,419 SHELLY: What's wasabi. 442 00:20:02,420 --> 00:20:03,540 That's beautiful. 443 00:20:03,541 --> 00:20:05,543 - Thank you. - It is. 444 00:20:13,590 --> 00:20:14,669 Well done. 445 00:20:14,670 --> 00:20:15,670 (CRUNCH) 446 00:20:15,671 --> 00:20:17,673 SARAH: Oh, my God. 447 00:20:18,674 --> 00:20:22,758 Wow, you really get the bitterness of being a slave on that one. 448 00:20:23,879 --> 00:20:25,560 - SARAH: Okay, so... - (GULP) 449 00:20:25,561 --> 00:20:27,601 - (COUGH) - You okay? 450 00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:30,004 Ali and I decided that we were going to do this 451 00:20:30,005 --> 00:20:31,925 like the Seder that Raquel and I came up with 452 00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:34,328 for henani... Sorry. I don't want to trigger. 453 00:20:34,329 --> 00:20:35,449 Of course not. 454 00:20:35,450 --> 00:20:36,890 We were going to do this thing 455 00:20:36,891 --> 00:20:38,211 where you sit across the table from people 456 00:20:38,212 --> 00:20:40,013 and you tell them... 457 00:20:40,014 --> 00:20:42,294 you know, what you feel enslaved by, 458 00:20:42,295 --> 00:20:45,697 like what we needed to be freed from. 459 00:20:45,698 --> 00:20:47,339 Would you guys want to do that? 460 00:20:47,340 --> 00:20:48,781 - MAURA: Yeah. - ALI: Yeah. Let's do it. 461 00:20:48,782 --> 00:20:49,941 MAURA: Good. 462 00:20:49,942 --> 00:20:51,944 I got to go. 463 00:20:56,027 --> 00:20:58,029 Let him go. 464 00:21:02,434 --> 00:21:04,074 (SIGH) 465 00:21:04,075 --> 00:21:05,996 MAURA: And then there were four. 466 00:21:05,997 --> 00:21:07,637 You know what? Maybe we just shouldn't do this. 467 00:21:07,638 --> 00:21:09,759 - MAURA: Okay. - No. We're doing it. 468 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,521 SARAH: Okay, let's do it. Moppa, you go. 469 00:21:11,522 --> 00:21:15,084 All right. Um, I was on the deck of this ship, 470 00:21:15,085 --> 00:21:18,327 and I was looking out at the vastness of the ocean, 471 00:21:18,328 --> 00:21:19,928 and it was overwhelming, 472 00:21:19,929 --> 00:21:21,850 so what I did to steady myself 473 00:21:21,851 --> 00:21:24,412 was I imagined a point way, way out there, 474 00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:27,655 and I imagined how deep it would go, 475 00:21:27,656 --> 00:21:30,138 and of course it would go on forever. 476 00:21:30,139 --> 00:21:33,140 And then I just sort of get the vastness of the ocean... 477 00:21:33,141 --> 00:21:35,743 I mean, of all oceans, and... 478 00:21:39,707 --> 00:21:42,790 in that moment I can understand my pain... 479 00:21:45,793 --> 00:21:48,275 and the size of my fear. 480 00:21:50,717 --> 00:21:53,280 My actual self is so... 481 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,482 tied up with it. 482 00:21:59,765 --> 00:22:01,767 With shame. 483 00:22:03,929 --> 00:22:05,931 (SNIFFLE) 484 00:22:07,291 --> 00:22:09,293 Uh, get back to me. 485 00:22:12,177 --> 00:22:14,177 (SNIFFLE) 486 00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:18,541 I, uh, I'm going to go. 487 00:22:19,783 --> 00:22:20,823 Uh... 488 00:22:20,824 --> 00:22:23,145 Could you please be fast? 489 00:22:23,146 --> 00:22:25,587 I have a hard out at 6:30. 490 00:22:25,588 --> 00:22:26,988 - What? - Where are you going? 491 00:22:26,989 --> 00:22:28,629 You have to tell your story. 492 00:22:28,630 --> 00:22:30,632 MAURA: We're trying to connect here. 493 00:22:32,314 --> 00:22:33,955 You want me to tell my story? 494 00:22:33,956 --> 00:22:35,916 - Yeah. - Okay. 495 00:22:35,917 --> 00:22:37,919 My story is... 496 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,762 I am not at home in this family. 497 00:22:42,763 --> 00:22:45,004 You ridicule me. 498 00:22:45,005 --> 00:22:47,888 You bond with each other behind my back. 499 00:22:50,851 --> 00:22:53,011 You roll your eyes at me. 500 00:22:53,012 --> 00:22:54,173 We do not roll our eyes. 501 00:22:54,174 --> 00:22:55,975 You... You just did it. 502 00:22:55,976 --> 00:22:57,376 You just did it. 503 00:22:57,377 --> 00:22:59,537 She's right. You roll your eyes. 504 00:22:59,538 --> 00:23:02,861 Thank you once for sticking up for me. 505 00:23:02,862 --> 00:23:05,063 You know, when Buzzy left, 506 00:23:05,064 --> 00:23:07,464 I thought that no one would ever believe in me again. 507 00:23:07,465 --> 00:23:09,507 But then I met Trevor. 508 00:23:09,508 --> 00:23:11,148 Who's Trevor? 509 00:23:11,149 --> 00:23:13,390 He's the gay who comes with my room. 510 00:23:13,391 --> 00:23:15,992 I am on a completely different level. 511 00:23:15,993 --> 00:23:19,636 I get a poached egg on demand. 512 00:23:19,637 --> 00:23:24,280 Anyway, I auditioned my one-woman show for Trevor, 513 00:23:24,281 --> 00:23:26,121 and he thinks it's strong enough 514 00:23:26,122 --> 00:23:30,205 to be performed in the world-famous, 515 00:23:30,206 --> 00:23:33,969 renowned Spinnaker Lounge. 516 00:23:33,970 --> 00:23:37,932 So if you want to hear my story, 517 00:23:37,933 --> 00:23:42,817 my story wants to be heard by you. 518 00:23:46,541 --> 00:23:48,421 Tonight at 6:45. 519 00:23:48,422 --> 00:23:50,903 MAURA: 6:45. 520 00:23:50,904 --> 00:23:52,225 I go on at 7, 521 00:23:52,226 --> 00:23:54,787 but you have to get your seat by 6:45. 522 00:24:00,073 --> 00:24:02,394 You get a gay with your room? 523 00:24:02,395 --> 00:24:03,675 Only on her level. 524 00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:05,678 (PIANO) 525 00:24:20,331 --> 00:24:23,853 Come with me on the journey to Shel... 526 00:24:23,854 --> 00:24:27,536 (ECHOES) and to Shel and to Shel and to Shel and back. 527 00:24:27,537 --> 00:24:31,101 Come with me on the journey to Shel and back. 528 00:24:47,275 --> 00:24:50,117 When I was a young girl, 529 00:24:50,118 --> 00:24:51,478 something happened to me 530 00:24:51,479 --> 00:24:54,840 that made me stop being who I really was. 531 00:24:54,841 --> 00:24:58,926 I stopped growing in every sense of the word. 532 00:25:00,247 --> 00:25:03,408 I have always been drawn to men 533 00:25:03,409 --> 00:25:07,252 who wanted to live in the darkness of a secret. 534 00:25:07,253 --> 00:25:11,295 Who am I? I didn't know. 535 00:25:11,296 --> 00:25:14,338 I didn't know, and I didn't want to know. 536 00:25:14,339 --> 00:25:18,783 I was in a cocoon. 537 00:25:24,468 --> 00:25:28,712 I'm broke, but I'm happy 538 00:25:30,073 --> 00:25:34,117 I'm poor, but I'm kind 539 00:25:35,919 --> 00:25:39,961 I'm short, but I'm healthy 540 00:25:39,962 --> 00:25:42,044 Yeah 541 00:25:43,926 --> 00:25:48,809 I'm high, but I'm grounded 542 00:25:48,810 --> 00:25:55,175 I'm sane, but I'm overwhelmed 543 00:25:55,176 --> 00:25:58,417 I'm lost 544 00:25:58,418 --> 00:26:01,220 But I'm hopeful 545 00:26:01,221 --> 00:26:04,824 Baby 546 00:26:04,825 --> 00:26:08,307 What it all comes down to 547 00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:11,669 Is that everything's going to be 548 00:26:11,670 --> 00:26:16,034 Fine, fine, fine 549 00:26:16,035 --> 00:26:19,597 'Cause I got one hand in my pocket 550 00:26:19,598 --> 00:26:27,243 And the other one is giving a high five 551 00:26:27,244 --> 00:26:29,806 I feel drunk, but I'm sober 552 00:26:29,807 --> 00:26:32,208 I'm young, and I'm underpaid 553 00:26:32,209 --> 00:26:34,690 I'm tired, but I'm workin' 554 00:26:34,691 --> 00:26:36,772 Yeah 555 00:26:36,773 --> 00:26:39,454 I care, but I'm restless 556 00:26:39,455 --> 00:26:42,497 I'm here, but I'm really gone 557 00:26:42,498 --> 00:26:44,500 I'm wrong 558 00:26:46,422 --> 00:26:48,424 I'm sorry 559 00:26:49,825 --> 00:26:52,706 Baby 560 00:26:52,707 --> 00:26:57,431 What it all comes down to 561 00:26:57,432 --> 00:27:01,195 Is that everything's going to be quite all right 562 00:27:02,877 --> 00:27:06,079 'Cause I got one hand in my pocket 563 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:09,681 And the other one is giving a peace sign 564 00:27:09,682 --> 00:27:11,403 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 565 00:27:11,404 --> 00:27:13,044 Whoo! 566 00:27:13,045 --> 00:27:16,047 I'm free, but I'm focused 567 00:27:16,048 --> 00:27:18,249 I'm green, but I'm wise 568 00:27:18,250 --> 00:27:23,614 I'm hard, but I'm friendly, baby 569 00:27:23,615 --> 00:27:26,056 I'm sad, but I'm laughing 570 00:27:26,057 --> 00:27:28,698 I'm brave, but I'm chickenshit 571 00:27:28,699 --> 00:27:32,462 I'm sick, but I'm pretty 572 00:27:32,463 --> 00:27:37,788 Baby, what it all boils down to 573 00:27:41,672 --> 00:27:44,352 Is that no one's got it all figured out just yet. 574 00:27:44,353 --> 00:27:45,754 (CHEERING) 575 00:27:45,755 --> 00:27:48,476 'Cause I got one hand in my pocket 576 00:27:48,477 --> 00:27:52,200 And the other one is playing the piano 577 00:27:52,201 --> 00:27:54,643 Give it up for Trevor, everybody! 578 00:27:57,205 --> 00:28:00,567 What it all boils down to 579 00:28:00,568 --> 00:28:05,091 My friends 580 00:28:05,092 --> 00:28:08,455 Is that everything's just 581 00:28:08,456 --> 00:28:11,978 Fine, fine, fine 582 00:28:14,300 --> 00:28:21,947 'Cause I got one hand in my pocket 583 00:28:24,750 --> 00:28:30,954 And the other one is hailin' a taxicab 584 00:28:30,955 --> 00:28:35,423 - Yeah - (APPLAUSE) 585 00:28:47,497 --> 00:28:52,345 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 586 00:28:52,736 --> 00:28:57,899 And what it all comes down to, my friends, is 587 00:28:57,900 --> 00:29:03,584 Is that everything is just fine, fine, fine 588 00:29:03,585 --> 00:29:06,587 'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket 589 00:29:06,588 --> 00:29:10,310 And the other one is givin' a high five 590 00:29:14,475 --> 00:29:17,116 I feel drunk, but I'm sober 591 00:29:17,117 --> 00:29:19,718 I'm young, and I'm underpaid 592 00:29:19,719 --> 00:29:22,361 I'm tired, but I'm workin' 593 00:29:22,362 --> 00:29:24,363 Yeah 594 00:29:25,083 --> 00:29:27,604 I care, but I'm restless 595 00:29:27,606 --> 00:29:30,208 I'm here, but I'm really gone 596 00:29:30,208 --> 00:29:34,371 I'm wrong, and I'm sorry, baby 597 00:29:34,372 --> 00:29:38,055 And what it all comes down to, my friends 598 00:29:38,056 --> 00:29:45,181 Yeah, is that everything is just fine, fine, fine 599 00:29:45,182 --> 00:29:46,544 'Cause I've got... 600 00:29:46,594 --> 00:29:51,144 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41875

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