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1
00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:07,090
(HORN BLOWS)
2
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I can't believe you
guys made me do this.
3
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ALI: Oh, my God. I can't
believe I said yes, either.
4
00:00:17,399 --> 00:00:19,520
- Welcome aboard.
- Washie-washie.
5
00:00:19,521 --> 00:00:22,041
Come on, kids, follow me!
6
00:00:22,042 --> 00:00:24,444
- This way, please.
- Josh, why are you so bummed out?
7
00:00:24,445 --> 00:00:26,165
- This is going to be fun.
- Congratulations.
8
00:00:26,166 --> 00:00:28,888
It's fabulous. I finally have
my whole brood together.
9
00:00:28,889 --> 00:00:31,650
Keep me away from this
family frivolity shit
10
00:00:31,651 --> 00:00:33,131
'cause I can't deal with it right now.
11
00:00:33,132 --> 00:00:35,374
Wait, honey, honey, you
have to do the hand thing.
12
00:00:35,375 --> 00:00:37,496
- Oh. - Washie-washie.
- Welcome aboard.
13
00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:39,696
Who knew we'd both be single again?
14
00:00:39,698 --> 00:00:42,099
(LAUGHING) But maybe there's a...
15
00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:45,182
a reason, or it's beshert.
16
00:00:45,183 --> 00:00:46,503
It's a lovely boat.
17
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,024
Something that we don't understand.
18
00:00:48,026 --> 00:00:49,305
Ship. Call it a ship.
19
00:00:49,306 --> 00:00:50,987
- What?
- Ship. We call it a ship.
20
00:00:50,988 --> 00:00:53,269
- What's the difference?
- It's a matter of respect.
21
00:00:53,271 --> 00:00:55,111
Matter of respect. Okay, I get that.
22
00:00:55,112 --> 00:00:58,073
I said I feel like I'm having
a hot flash, it's so hot.
23
00:00:58,074 --> 00:00:59,714
Oh, God, we're losing the kids.
24
00:00:59,716 --> 00:01:02,158
- Oh.
- Hey, hey, hey. Sarah.
25
00:01:02,159 --> 00:01:04,160
Josh! Ali!
26
00:01:06,162 --> 00:01:08,725
27
00:01:20,277 --> 00:01:25,526
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
28
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MAURA: How do we get our luggage?
29
00:01:53,644 --> 00:01:54,924
Let me make sure we're going
in the right direction.
30
00:01:54,926 --> 00:01:56,286
How many Pfeffermans does it take
31
00:01:56,287 --> 00:01:57,687
to figure out where the
fuck our rooms are?
32
00:01:57,688 --> 00:01:59,008
We're going to be very
close to each other.
33
00:01:59,009 --> 00:02:00,369
Which is good because then we can knock
34
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,890
on each other's door in the night.
35
00:02:01,891 --> 00:02:03,291
We're all... Evens are on the right.
36
00:02:03,293 --> 00:02:04,734
Here I am. I'm going
to go for a plop-down
37
00:02:04,735 --> 00:02:06,014
because I'm zebroilzled.
38
00:02:06,015 --> 00:02:07,255
Okay. W...
39
00:02:07,256 --> 00:02:08,577
Wait. I'm seeing
40
00:02:08,578 --> 00:02:10,458
that I'm on a different level than you.
41
00:02:10,459 --> 00:02:12,260
I'm going to check on that.
42
00:02:12,261 --> 00:02:15,022
Everybody get unpacked and
meet for dinner at 6.
43
00:02:15,023 --> 00:02:17,025
You got that? Yeah.
44
00:02:17,906 --> 00:02:19,386
God, I feel so bad.
45
00:02:19,387 --> 00:02:20,868
Mom's alone again.
46
00:02:20,869 --> 00:02:22,350
That's why we had to come on this trip:
47
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:25,312
because Mom would actually
die if we didn't.
48
00:02:36,083 --> 00:02:38,325
(LOUNGE JAZZ)
49
00:02:51,335 --> 00:02:52,735
Hello, Shelly.
50
00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:55,699
Welcome to the Garden
Villa in the Haven.
51
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,180
I am Trevor, your personal butler,
52
00:02:57,181 --> 00:02:59,422
and I'm here to make everything smooth,
53
00:02:59,423 --> 00:03:02,426
fabulous, and easy for
you and Mr. Rachlis.
54
00:03:05,068 --> 00:03:07,230
Mr. Rachlis and I just broke up,
55
00:03:07,231 --> 00:03:11,313
so I won't be able to have
this extravagant space
56
00:03:11,314 --> 00:03:13,635
all for myself because it's too much.
57
00:03:13,636 --> 00:03:15,276
I'll have to change my room. Thank you.
58
00:03:15,277 --> 00:03:17,478
No, there's no need to do that.
59
00:03:17,479 --> 00:03:19,640
Being on a cruise is the perfect thing
60
00:03:19,641 --> 00:03:21,122
- for a breakup, girl, okay?
- (LAUGHING)
61
00:03:21,123 --> 00:03:23,804
And this is the perfect
suite to luxuriate.
62
00:03:23,805 --> 00:03:26,406
I can book you a massage.
We've got acupuncture.
63
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,769
Perhaps you'd like a little Mani-pedi,
64
00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:31,493
teeth whitening, a saline Jacuzzi.
65
00:03:33,373 --> 00:03:34,774
Shel, let me ask you this.
66
00:03:34,775 --> 00:03:36,055
When was the last time
67
00:03:36,056 --> 00:03:38,177
you took some "you" time?
68
00:03:38,178 --> 00:03:40,339
Is that the same as "me" time?
69
00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:42,342
Yeah.
70
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,442
I have a surprise for everyone.
71
00:04:06,443 --> 00:04:09,605
There's something that
I want to show you
72
00:04:09,606 --> 00:04:11,929
after dinner.
73
00:04:13,690 --> 00:04:15,931
I think we were supposed to
download this app at home, guys.
74
00:04:15,932 --> 00:04:18,814
If we don't do this, we won't be able
to keep in touch with each other.
75
00:04:18,815 --> 00:04:20,174
Done with this farshtinkener phone.
76
00:04:20,175 --> 00:04:21,696
- Doesn't work for me.
- Forget it.
77
00:04:21,697 --> 00:04:23,578
So? Where's Joshie?
78
00:04:23,579 --> 00:04:24,819
He's freestyling.
79
00:04:24,820 --> 00:04:26,220
He's not feeling well?
80
00:04:26,221 --> 00:04:27,621
- He's freestyling.
- No one said that, Mom.
81
00:04:27,622 --> 00:04:29,423
He's doing what he wants.
82
00:04:29,424 --> 00:04:31,665
Why does someone always
get sick on vacation?
83
00:04:31,666 --> 00:04:33,667
Who had the singles in San Francisco?
84
00:04:33,668 --> 00:04:35,228
- Oh, no.
- That wasn't San Francisco.
85
00:04:35,229 --> 00:04:36,669
San Francisco's where I had strep.
86
00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:37,911
- Really?
- Yeah.
87
00:04:37,912 --> 00:04:39,432
That's right. You got off the plane.
88
00:04:39,433 --> 00:04:40,753
All the way from the airport
89
00:04:40,754 --> 00:04:41,994
straight to Aunt Bryna's for the Seder.
90
00:04:41,995 --> 00:04:43,676
Oh, and that was the Pesach
91
00:04:43,677 --> 00:04:45,197
that Maura and Bryna had that big fight.
92
00:04:45,198 --> 00:04:47,119
Because you took her side.
93
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,801
And then we never had another
Seder after that. Why not?
94
00:04:49,802 --> 00:04:52,684
Because Pesach and Seder
were always Aunt Bryna's.
95
00:04:52,685 --> 00:04:55,366
That's so stupid. Passover
doesn't belong to a person.
96
00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:57,968
Our dining room table wasn't
big enough for everybody.
97
00:04:57,969 --> 00:05:00,491
I... I couldn't find the
leaves for the table.
98
00:05:00,492 --> 00:05:02,652
Why do you do that? I don't want that.
99
00:05:02,653 --> 00:05:03,973
Because I just don't need all this.
100
00:05:03,974 --> 00:05:05,375
One of you had chicken pox.
101
00:05:05,376 --> 00:05:07,057
- Then don't eat it.
- Who had chicken pox?
102
00:05:07,058 --> 00:05:09,018
- No, but I didn't... No.
- Did you have chicken pox?
103
00:05:09,019 --> 00:05:10,219
Because if I eat it...
104
00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:11,540
it's on my own plate and I eat it,
105
00:05:11,541 --> 00:05:13,542
you know how quickly I put on weight.
106
00:05:13,543 --> 00:05:14,744
I don't think Ali wants something
107
00:05:14,745 --> 00:05:16,025
with your mouth moisture on it.
108
00:05:16,026 --> 00:05:17,546
Especially when there's literally
109
00:05:17,547 --> 00:05:18,987
3,000 delicious things to eat
110
00:05:18,988 --> 00:05:20,428
in every direction on this boat.
111
00:05:20,429 --> 00:05:22,310
It's not a boat. It's a ship.
112
00:05:22,311 --> 00:05:23,832
- You have to say ship.
- Ship.
113
00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:25,073
You can't misgender the ship.
114
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:26,274
You know what?
115
00:05:26,275 --> 00:05:27,795
I don't want to miss the magic show,
116
00:05:27,796 --> 00:05:29,798
so I got to go.
117
00:05:34,562 --> 00:05:37,643
So, guys, I need to show you
something after dinner.
118
00:05:37,644 --> 00:05:39,245
I'm going to go find Yoshi.
119
00:05:39,246 --> 00:05:41,248
Bye. Thanks.
120
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,011
Bye.
121
00:05:50,576 --> 00:05:52,497
Shingles in Nova Scotia.
122
00:05:52,498 --> 00:05:55,740
One of the kids had
shingles in Nova Scotia.
123
00:05:55,741 --> 00:06:00,145
Mm-hmm. I think I blocked
out Nova Scotia.
124
00:06:20,444 --> 00:06:21,964
Mom?
125
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,685
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
126
00:06:23,686 --> 00:06:25,687
- Look at this.
- Fuck balls. What?
127
00:06:25,688 --> 00:06:28,330
This is her room? Ha!
128
00:06:28,331 --> 00:06:30,452
This is incredible.
129
00:06:30,453 --> 00:06:31,693
- She has a piano.
- Fruit?
130
00:06:31,693 --> 00:06:33,654
We don't have a fruit bowl.
131
00:06:33,655 --> 00:06:35,897
Mom, why didn't you tell us about this?
132
00:06:35,898 --> 00:06:37,418
How did you get in here?
133
00:06:37,419 --> 00:06:39,499
Oh, I accidentally picked
up your key at dinner.
134
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,981
Yeah, well, this was the surprise
135
00:06:40,982 --> 00:06:42,663
I was going to tell you
about at dinner last night,
136
00:06:42,664 --> 00:06:45,064
but you all treated me so
horribly that I decided not to.
137
00:06:45,065 --> 00:06:46,426
We didn't treat you so horribly.
138
00:06:46,427 --> 00:06:47,706
- What are you talking about?
- Yes, you did.
139
00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:49,388
You treat me horribly most of the time.
140
00:06:49,389 --> 00:06:50,750
So listen, why don't you just go?
141
00:06:50,751 --> 00:06:52,631
- Come on.
- You're kicking us out?
142
00:06:52,632 --> 00:06:55,394
Yes. This is my place. this is my time.
143
00:06:55,395 --> 00:06:57,515
This is me pampering myself.
144
00:06:57,516 --> 00:06:59,797
I'm going to have a
massage and a Mani-pedi,
145
00:06:59,799 --> 00:07:01,519
and I'm going to indulge myself.
146
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:04,322
Trevor is teaching me about self-care.
147
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,244
Who the fuck is Trevor?
148
00:07:06,245 --> 00:07:08,966
Trevor is the gay who
comes with the room.
149
00:07:08,967 --> 00:07:11,328
Wow. I didn't get a gay with my room.
150
00:07:11,329 --> 00:07:13,090
Did you get a gay with your room?
151
00:07:13,091 --> 00:07:14,931
You can go now. Go ahead.
152
00:07:14,932 --> 00:07:16,934
Okay.
153
00:07:17,494 --> 00:07:19,895
Bye. Enjoy your massage.
154
00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:21,899
I will.
155
00:07:25,101 --> 00:07:27,942
ANNOUNCER: Mr. Amazing man!
156
00:07:27,943 --> 00:07:31,106
Whoo! Look at him.
157
00:07:31,107 --> 00:07:32,627
Nice, buddy.
158
00:07:32,628 --> 00:07:35,350
All right. Let me ask all the guys
159
00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:37,472
to line up one more time right there.
160
00:07:37,473 --> 00:07:39,233
Everybody, face the pool area.
161
00:07:39,234 --> 00:07:41,955
I don't know. I think, like, my ex and I
162
00:07:41,956 --> 00:07:44,117
are, like, best friends or something,
163
00:07:44,118 --> 00:07:47,000
but it just... to be honest, Lisa,
164
00:07:47,001 --> 00:07:49,803
I just can't tell if he's my person
165
00:07:49,804 --> 00:07:51,805
or do I just want him to be my person.
166
00:07:52,966 --> 00:07:54,968
What's the difference, you know?
167
00:07:56,649 --> 00:07:57,849
I guess. I don't know.
168
00:07:57,850 --> 00:07:59,531
What about you and your hubby?
169
00:07:59,532 --> 00:08:00,972
I mean, I'm assuming you're straight
170
00:08:00,973 --> 00:08:02,454
because I shouldn't... I'm...
171
00:08:02,455 --> 00:08:04,457
No. Um...
172
00:08:06,218 --> 00:08:08,619
I'm not really straight.
173
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:11,181
I don't know. We have a kind of a...
174
00:08:11,182 --> 00:08:14,023
forward-thinking, modern thing going on.
175
00:08:14,025 --> 00:08:16,666
I mean, as long as
you're being so candid,
176
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,869
we actually, um... between you and me...
177
00:08:20,631 --> 00:08:21,831
we swing.
178
00:08:21,832 --> 00:08:23,273
- (GIGGLING)
- Okay, wait.
179
00:08:23,274 --> 00:08:25,275
Like you let each other
hook up with other people?
180
00:08:25,276 --> 00:08:28,838
No. No. We hook up with other couples.
181
00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:31,440
I mean, at home we have our people,
182
00:08:31,441 --> 00:08:34,202
and then, when we're, you
know, on vacations like this,
183
00:08:34,203 --> 00:08:36,925
we kind of keep our eyes open
184
00:08:36,926 --> 00:08:40,609
for couples who might be into us.
185
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,931
Sounds kind of complicated.
186
00:08:43,932 --> 00:08:47,054
Mm, well, just complicated enough
187
00:08:47,055 --> 00:08:49,057
to keep life interesting, you know?
188
00:08:51,218 --> 00:08:52,579
Hey, babe.
189
00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:54,540
LEN: Hey. Everything okay?
190
00:08:54,541 --> 00:08:56,902
Yeah. Yeah. I just...
191
00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:58,904
want to tell you that I missed you.
192
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:01,067
- Aw. You, too, loser.
- (LAUGHING)
193
00:09:01,068 --> 00:09:02,708
Hey, I'm going to put
you on speaker phone.
194
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,669
Guys, come here, real quick.
195
00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:06,191
- Guess who it is.
- Is it Mom?
196
00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:07,592
I'll give you a hint. It's Mommy.
197
00:09:07,593 --> 00:09:09,033
- Mommy!
- Say "Hi, Mommy."
198
00:09:09,034 --> 00:09:11,115
- Mommy, hi, Mommy!
- Tell her the big news.
199
00:09:11,116 --> 00:09:12,556
We got big news over here.
200
00:09:12,557 --> 00:09:14,598
- We got a new pet turtle!
- Yeah.
201
00:09:14,599 --> 00:09:17,120
ELLA: And also, Zacky pooped
all by himself on a play date.
202
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,882
Hey, I wanted to tell her that.
203
00:09:18,883 --> 00:09:20,003
Big news, right?
204
00:09:20,004 --> 00:09:21,244
Do you believe that?
205
00:09:21,245 --> 00:09:22,926
Oh, sweetie, I'm so proud of you.
206
00:09:22,927 --> 00:09:24,567
I'm so happy to hear all of that.
207
00:09:24,568 --> 00:09:26,650
Yeah. All right, say we love you, guys.
208
00:09:26,651 --> 00:09:27,770
- Love you, Mommy.
- Love you, Mommy.
209
00:09:27,771 --> 00:09:28,811
We love you, Mommy.
210
00:09:28,812 --> 00:09:30,413
I love you guys.
211
00:09:30,414 --> 00:09:32,454
I'll see you soon. I love you.
212
00:09:32,455 --> 00:09:34,577
- Okay. Bye.
- Later, Mom.
213
00:09:41,944 --> 00:09:43,224
So.
214
00:09:43,225 --> 00:09:44,305
Hmm?
215
00:09:44,306 --> 00:09:45,426
Everything okay?
216
00:09:45,427 --> 00:09:47,429
Yeah. I'm fine.
217
00:09:49,911 --> 00:09:51,512
I'm not fine.
218
00:09:51,513 --> 00:09:54,194
I miss Mr. Rachlis.
219
00:09:54,195 --> 00:09:56,316
He would have loved all of this,
220
00:09:56,317 --> 00:09:58,319
especially the food. (CHUCKLING)
221
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:03,522
He was my port in a storm.
222
00:10:03,523 --> 00:10:05,804
He believed in me.
223
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,966
He liked my singing.
224
00:10:07,967 --> 00:10:09,768
- You sing.
- Mm-hmm.
225
00:10:09,769 --> 00:10:13,651
We were actually working on
a one-woman show for me.
226
00:10:13,652 --> 00:10:16,573
I'm sorry. Did you just
say one-woman show?
227
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,616
Yeah. (CHUCKLE) Yeah.
228
00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:20,617
Why am I just finding out about this?
229
00:10:20,618 --> 00:10:23,060
I have connections at
the Spinnaker Lounge
230
00:10:23,061 --> 00:10:25,342
right here on the ship.
It's world famous.
231
00:10:25,343 --> 00:10:26,783
Barry Manilow has played there.
232
00:10:26,784 --> 00:10:28,304
I can make this happen.
233
00:10:28,305 --> 00:10:29,666
Wait, wait, wait. I... I...
234
00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:32,147
I could do my one-woman
show on this boat?
235
00:10:32,148 --> 00:10:33,709
On the... this ship, yes.
236
00:10:33,710 --> 00:10:35,712
- This ship?
- Yes.
237
00:10:36,152 --> 00:10:38,154
(DANCE BEAT)
238
00:11:00,934 --> 00:11:02,696
Looking for something in particular?
239
00:11:02,697 --> 00:11:05,818
Hi. This is wonderful.
240
00:11:05,819 --> 00:11:07,660
Is this for men or for women?
241
00:11:07,661 --> 00:11:08,781
For both, either.
242
00:11:08,782 --> 00:11:10,022
What do you think?
243
00:11:10,023 --> 00:11:11,543
It's very, very nice.
244
00:11:11,544 --> 00:11:14,626
Is this what they call at-leisure wear?
245
00:11:14,627 --> 00:11:17,589
Sort of like a Boca Raton matriarch
246
00:11:17,590 --> 00:11:20,151
or a, I don't know, like a...
247
00:11:20,152 --> 00:11:23,914
hip-hop rapper... thingie?
248
00:11:23,915 --> 00:11:25,636
- It's for everyone.
- Can I try it on?
249
00:11:25,637 --> 00:11:27,638
Sure.
250
00:11:42,733 --> 00:11:44,012
Hi.
251
00:11:44,013 --> 00:11:45,413
Hi.
252
00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:48,336
- You look incredible.
- Thank you.
253
00:11:48,337 --> 00:11:49,818
Yeah.
254
00:11:49,819 --> 00:11:53,541
This is... This is a
fabulous new look for you.
255
00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:54,982
What's going on?
256
00:11:54,983 --> 00:11:57,224
Just, uh,
257
00:11:57,225 --> 00:11:59,306
I'm saying goodbye to my Spandex
258
00:11:59,307 --> 00:12:02,509
and to my feminine shapewear.
259
00:12:02,510 --> 00:12:05,072
This one has my tuchus in it.
260
00:12:05,073 --> 00:12:06,833
Why?
261
00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:08,836
Uh...
262
00:12:12,919 --> 00:12:15,922
I can't... I can't get my surgery.
263
00:12:17,163 --> 00:12:18,403
Why?
264
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,004
Apparently, if you're my age
265
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:21,486
and there's a little whoop-Dee-doo
266
00:12:21,487 --> 00:12:23,288
on your heart machine record,
267
00:12:23,289 --> 00:12:24,648
they will not let you go under,
268
00:12:24,649 --> 00:12:26,370
and there is a little whoop-Dee-doo
269
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,852
on my heart machine record,
270
00:12:27,853 --> 00:12:30,133
so I think it's one thing
to wear this stuff
271
00:12:30,134 --> 00:12:32,255
if you, uh, know
272
00:12:32,256 --> 00:12:34,458
you are going to transform into...
273
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,502
a new shape, but, uh,
274
00:12:39,503 --> 00:12:41,304
otherwise, it just feels like a costume.
275
00:12:41,305 --> 00:12:43,507
It feels like I'm hiding.
It feels like...
276
00:12:45,108 --> 00:12:46,268
It feels wrong.
277
00:12:46,269 --> 00:12:48,109
Now, I have to do more tests,
278
00:12:48,110 --> 00:12:50,231
and I have to go off
hormones, which I've done,
279
00:12:50,232 --> 00:12:52,354
and I feel like I'm...
280
00:12:53,475 --> 00:12:54,995
like I'm nothing.
281
00:12:54,996 --> 00:12:56,917
Like I feel nothing.
282
00:12:56,918 --> 00:12:59,119
It sucks.
283
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:04,525
And now I don't even know
what or who I want anymore.
284
00:13:04,526 --> 00:13:06,686
Wait, so you're not transitioning?
285
00:13:06,687 --> 00:13:08,888
I've already transitioned. I'm trans.
286
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,891
I'm just...
287
00:13:12,973 --> 00:13:14,975
This is me.
288
00:13:16,256 --> 00:13:18,257
This is it.
289
00:13:19,579 --> 00:13:21,580
Well, let's...
290
00:13:23,822 --> 00:13:24,902
let's say a prayer.
291
00:13:24,903 --> 00:13:27,266
- Can I?
- Do it.
292
00:13:28,547 --> 00:13:29,867
This is your butt?
293
00:13:29,868 --> 00:13:30,868
This was my butt.
294
00:13:30,869 --> 00:13:33,110
Take this.
295
00:13:33,111 --> 00:13:35,113
- Okay, ready?
- Ready.
296
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:39,437
Face the ocean and raise your arms.
297
00:13:41,319 --> 00:13:43,960
Great Mystery,
298
00:13:43,961 --> 00:13:45,401
Goddess,
299
00:13:45,402 --> 00:13:50,045
let us mark this moment
to say goodbye to these
300
00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:53,088
tight, terrible Spanx.
301
00:13:53,089 --> 00:13:55,611
Goodbye, tight, terrible Spanx.
302
00:13:57,133 --> 00:14:00,175
Deliver us from feeling...
303
00:14:01,816 --> 00:14:03,297
bunched up in the ass!
304
00:14:03,298 --> 00:14:04,338
Dayenu!
305
00:14:04,339 --> 00:14:06,460
And restricted and confined!
306
00:14:06,461 --> 00:14:08,582
Let us just be!
307
00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:09,983
(LAUGHING)
308
00:14:09,984 --> 00:14:11,345
Set us free!
309
00:14:11,346 --> 00:14:12,866
Set us...
310
00:14:12,867 --> 00:14:14,868
BOTH: Free!
311
00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:18,831
You know what? I'm worried
about the little birdies
312
00:14:18,832 --> 00:14:21,193
getting caught up in this like a
little straitjacket or something.
313
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,754
- We can't do it.
- Oh, God. Here.
314
00:14:22,755 --> 00:14:24,757
There.
315
00:14:42,653 --> 00:14:44,655
Here you go.
316
00:14:48,379 --> 00:14:49,579
Hi.
317
00:14:49,580 --> 00:14:51,140
- Hey. What's up?
- How are you?
318
00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:53,542
I'm pretty good. How are you?
319
00:14:53,543 --> 00:14:56,745
I'm okay. 24 black. Did you just win?
320
00:14:56,746 --> 00:14:58,587
Yeah. I'm up. A lot.
321
00:14:58,588 --> 00:14:59,588
- A lot?
- A lot.
322
00:14:59,589 --> 00:15:00,948
Place your bets.
323
00:15:00,949 --> 00:15:02,510
You should start betting numbers.
324
00:15:02,511 --> 00:15:03,591
I don't do numbers.
325
00:15:03,592 --> 00:15:05,072
These are really good numbers:
326
00:15:05,073 --> 00:15:06,754
3, 9, 18, 36. I promise
they'll win. Please?
327
00:15:06,755 --> 00:15:08,755
- (CHUCKLE)
- I'm serious.
328
00:15:08,756 --> 00:15:09,876
These are very powerful.
329
00:15:09,877 --> 00:15:11,118
Play one of mine.
330
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,239
- Really?
- Yeah.
331
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,320
- I can play this?
- Yeah.
332
00:15:13,321 --> 00:15:14,801
You can put it wherever you want.
333
00:15:14,802 --> 00:15:18,285
Okay. Um, should I do 3 or 36?
334
00:15:18,286 --> 00:15:19,885
Or should I do 18?
335
00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:21,687
No, I'm going to do 36.
336
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,769
Do it.
337
00:15:23,770 --> 00:15:24,930
Here.
338
00:15:24,931 --> 00:15:26,972
We're going to bet them all.
339
00:15:26,973 --> 00:15:29,014
- What?
- Bet them all.
340
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,335
- Really?
- Yeah.
341
00:15:30,336 --> 00:15:31,696
We're going to bet it all.
342
00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:33,017
- Do it. Why not?
- Okay.
343
00:15:33,018 --> 00:15:34,579
I'm going to start with 3
344
00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:36,821
Because you just wrecked the binary
345
00:15:36,822 --> 00:15:39,143
And three 3's is 9, and you
double that and have 18,
346
00:15:39,144 --> 00:15:40,945
and two 18's is 36. 36.
347
00:15:40,946 --> 00:15:42,305
All right, here we go.
Let's go. Drop, drop.
348
00:15:42,306 --> 00:15:44,227
- Okay! Okay!
- No more bets. No more bets.
349
00:15:44,228 --> 00:15:46,230
Okay. Okay.
350
00:15:46,550 --> 00:15:48,311
Wait until you see this.
351
00:15:48,312 --> 00:15:50,313
(WHISPERING)
352
00:15:53,837 --> 00:15:57,040
22 black. 22 black.
353
00:16:01,084 --> 00:16:02,123
What do you mean, that's it?
354
00:16:02,124 --> 00:16:03,605
We don't get another spin?
355
00:16:03,606 --> 00:16:05,608
No.
356
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,051
Oh, my God.
357
00:16:10,372 --> 00:16:12,533
How much money was that?
358
00:16:12,534 --> 00:16:14,574
Josh, how much money was that?
359
00:16:14,575 --> 00:16:16,176
How much money was that?
360
00:16:16,177 --> 00:16:17,497
$25,000.
361
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:19,139
Oh, my God. What?
362
00:16:19,140 --> 00:16:22,182
Why did you just let me bet $25,000?
363
00:16:22,183 --> 00:16:24,184
I don't know what I'm doing.
364
00:16:25,145 --> 00:16:26,546
(SIGH)
365
00:16:26,547 --> 00:16:28,748
I'm so sorry.
366
00:16:28,749 --> 00:16:31,549
I'm so sorry.
367
00:16:31,550 --> 00:16:33,552
Fuck.
368
00:16:35,274 --> 00:16:37,276
What do we do?
369
00:16:37,676 --> 00:16:39,077
What do you want to do?
370
00:16:39,078 --> 00:16:41,119
I want to go be by myself.
371
00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:44,481
No, you can't be by yourself.
372
00:16:44,482 --> 00:16:47,244
I came on this cruise to be with you.
373
00:16:47,245 --> 00:16:48,685
(CHUCKLE) Really?
374
00:16:48,686 --> 00:16:50,767
- Yeah, really.
- That's bullshit.
375
00:16:50,768 --> 00:16:52,008
No, it's not.
376
00:16:52,009 --> 00:16:53,930
You came on this cruise
to escape Leslie.
377
00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:55,131
No, that's bullshit.
378
00:16:55,132 --> 00:16:57,012
And you also came to Overland Park
379
00:16:57,013 --> 00:16:59,295
- to escape Leslie.
- Oh, please!
380
00:16:59,296 --> 00:17:01,737
You were losing your mind,
and I came, and I saved you.
381
00:17:01,738 --> 00:17:04,619
You didn't save me. You're making
shit up in your fucking head.
382
00:17:04,620 --> 00:17:07,582
I didn't ask you to pick
me up from Overland Park.
383
00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:08,663
Okay?
384
00:17:08,664 --> 00:17:10,345
I'm not your fucking boyfriend.
385
00:17:10,346 --> 00:17:11,506
You're my sister.
386
00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:13,467
I want to be normal.
387
00:17:13,468 --> 00:17:15,149
I want to have my own family,
388
00:17:15,150 --> 00:17:18,271
and I'm... this...
this is fucking it up.
389
00:17:18,272 --> 00:17:20,593
So you need to go that way,
390
00:17:20,594 --> 00:17:22,637
and I'm going to go this way.
391
00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:01,830
Sarah, get up, get up. I have an idea.
392
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,032
- What?
- I need your help.
393
00:18:03,033 --> 00:18:04,153
I want to do a Seder.
394
00:18:04,154 --> 00:18:06,035
Oh, no. I'm not doing a Seder.
395
00:18:06,036 --> 00:18:07,836
- Please?
- No, no, no.
396
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,598
- Why?
- Because I'm over the henani shit.
397
00:18:09,599 --> 00:18:11,360
I've never... I'm done,
okay? I'm a bad Jew.
398
00:18:11,361 --> 00:18:12,921
It doesn't have to be like that.
399
00:18:12,922 --> 00:18:15,123
- Why do you want a Seder?
- Because we need it.
400
00:18:15,124 --> 00:18:16,524
We're together on this boat,
401
00:18:16,525 --> 00:18:18,525
and it's the last night of Passover,
402
00:18:18,526 --> 00:18:20,447
and I just want to gather
together in a circle
403
00:18:20,448 --> 00:18:23,011
and just have one moment
of being connected.
404
00:18:24,091 --> 00:18:26,093
Please.
405
00:18:26,413 --> 00:18:28,415
I don't have a Seder plate or anything.
406
00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:35,221
- I just checked...
- Starboard, bow.
407
00:18:35,222 --> 00:18:37,383
Then it's the 12th floor, not the 10th.
408
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:39,184
(LAUGHING) Look.
409
00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:40,465
Give me the plate. Give me the plate.
410
00:18:40,466 --> 00:18:41,907
Oh, sorry, sorry. Here, here.
411
00:18:41,908 --> 00:18:43,909
Hey, we can use saltines for matzo.
412
00:18:43,910 --> 00:18:45,630
- Okay.
- Uh...
413
00:18:45,631 --> 00:18:46,751
Oh, bone.
414
00:18:46,752 --> 00:18:48,753
- Oh, bone.
- Bone.
415
00:18:49,955 --> 00:18:51,957
Oh. Perfect.
416
00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:53,918
- Parsley.
- For what?
417
00:18:53,919 --> 00:18:55,719
- Charoset.
- Charoset.
418
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,761
- Uh, nuts...
- Nuts, raisins.
419
00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:59,923
- Yeah. And...
- Okay. Nuts and raisins.
420
00:18:59,924 --> 00:19:01,083
They don't have wine here.
421
00:19:01,084 --> 00:19:02,245
Vinegar. Get vinegar.
422
00:19:02,246 --> 00:19:04,527
Vinegar. That is such a good idea.
423
00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:09,091
Okay, that's good. That's good.
424
00:19:09,092 --> 00:19:11,092
- Bitter herbs.
- Here's your wasabi.
425
00:19:11,093 --> 00:19:12,254
- Thank you.
- It's perfect.
426
00:19:12,255 --> 00:19:14,257
- That's great.
- Thank you.
427
00:19:18,501 --> 00:19:21,782
Okay, um, let's all take a moment
428
00:19:21,783 --> 00:19:23,464
to take a few deep breaths.
429
00:19:23,465 --> 00:19:25,986
Ground yourself.
430
00:19:25,987 --> 00:19:30,309
And, um, just be grateful
431
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:32,912
that we're all gathered together,
432
00:19:32,913 --> 00:19:36,475
invited by the feminine spirit,
433
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:37,917
She who holds space,
434
00:19:37,918 --> 00:19:42,521
and we're going to name this moment
435
00:19:42,522 --> 00:19:49,207
and mark this tradition of our people,
436
00:19:49,208 --> 00:19:51,089
the Jewish people.
437
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:54,331
So today, before the sun goes down,
438
00:19:54,332 --> 00:19:58,815
we're going to taste the
foods of the ritual platter.
439
00:19:58,816 --> 00:20:00,057
MAURA: What is that?
440
00:20:00,058 --> 00:20:01,217
That's the charoset.
441
00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:02,419
SHELLY: What's wasabi.
442
00:20:02,420 --> 00:20:03,540
That's beautiful.
443
00:20:03,541 --> 00:20:05,543
- Thank you.
- It is.
444
00:20:13,590 --> 00:20:14,669
Well done.
445
00:20:14,670 --> 00:20:15,670
(CRUNCH)
446
00:20:15,671 --> 00:20:17,673
SARAH: Oh, my God.
447
00:20:18,674 --> 00:20:22,758
Wow, you really get the bitterness
of being a slave on that one.
448
00:20:23,879 --> 00:20:25,560
- SARAH: Okay, so...
- (GULP)
449
00:20:25,561 --> 00:20:27,601
- (COUGH)
- You okay?
450
00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:30,004
Ali and I decided that
we were going to do this
451
00:20:30,005 --> 00:20:31,925
like the Seder that
Raquel and I came up with
452
00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:34,328
for henani... Sorry. I
don't want to trigger.
453
00:20:34,329 --> 00:20:35,449
Of course not.
454
00:20:35,450 --> 00:20:36,890
We were going to do this thing
455
00:20:36,891 --> 00:20:38,211
where you sit across
the table from people
456
00:20:38,212 --> 00:20:40,013
and you tell them...
457
00:20:40,014 --> 00:20:42,294
you know, what you feel enslaved by,
458
00:20:42,295 --> 00:20:45,697
like what we needed to be freed from.
459
00:20:45,698 --> 00:20:47,339
Would you guys want to do that?
460
00:20:47,340 --> 00:20:48,781
- MAURA: Yeah.
- ALI: Yeah. Let's do it.
461
00:20:48,782 --> 00:20:49,941
MAURA: Good.
462
00:20:49,942 --> 00:20:51,944
I got to go.
463
00:20:56,027 --> 00:20:58,029
Let him go.
464
00:21:02,434 --> 00:21:04,074
(SIGH)
465
00:21:04,075 --> 00:21:05,996
MAURA: And then there were four.
466
00:21:05,997 --> 00:21:07,637
You know what? Maybe we
just shouldn't do this.
467
00:21:07,638 --> 00:21:09,759
- MAURA: Okay.
- No. We're doing it.
468
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,521
SARAH: Okay, let's do it. Moppa, you go.
469
00:21:11,522 --> 00:21:15,084
All right. Um, I was on
the deck of this ship,
470
00:21:15,085 --> 00:21:18,327
and I was looking out at
the vastness of the ocean,
471
00:21:18,328 --> 00:21:19,928
and it was overwhelming,
472
00:21:19,929 --> 00:21:21,850
so what I did to steady myself
473
00:21:21,851 --> 00:21:24,412
was I imagined a point
way, way out there,
474
00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:27,655
and I imagined how deep it would go,
475
00:21:27,656 --> 00:21:30,138
and of course it would go on forever.
476
00:21:30,139 --> 00:21:33,140
And then I just sort of get
the vastness of the ocean...
477
00:21:33,141 --> 00:21:35,743
I mean, of all oceans, and...
478
00:21:39,707 --> 00:21:42,790
in that moment I can
understand my pain...
479
00:21:45,793 --> 00:21:48,275
and the size of my fear.
480
00:21:50,717 --> 00:21:53,280
My actual self is so...
481
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,482
tied up with it.
482
00:21:59,765 --> 00:22:01,767
With shame.
483
00:22:03,929 --> 00:22:05,931
(SNIFFLE)
484
00:22:07,291 --> 00:22:09,293
Uh, get back to me.
485
00:22:12,177 --> 00:22:14,177
(SNIFFLE)
486
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:18,541
I, uh, I'm going to go.
487
00:22:19,783 --> 00:22:20,823
Uh...
488
00:22:20,824 --> 00:22:23,145
Could you please be fast?
489
00:22:23,146 --> 00:22:25,587
I have a hard out at 6:30.
490
00:22:25,588 --> 00:22:26,988
- What?
- Where are you going?
491
00:22:26,989 --> 00:22:28,629
You have to tell your story.
492
00:22:28,630 --> 00:22:30,632
MAURA: We're trying to connect here.
493
00:22:32,314 --> 00:22:33,955
You want me to tell my story?
494
00:22:33,956 --> 00:22:35,916
- Yeah.
- Okay.
495
00:22:35,917 --> 00:22:37,919
My story is...
496
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,762
I am not at home in this family.
497
00:22:42,763 --> 00:22:45,004
You ridicule me.
498
00:22:45,005 --> 00:22:47,888
You bond with each other behind my back.
499
00:22:50,851 --> 00:22:53,011
You roll your eyes at me.
500
00:22:53,012 --> 00:22:54,173
We do not roll our eyes.
501
00:22:54,174 --> 00:22:55,975
You... You just did it.
502
00:22:55,976 --> 00:22:57,376
You just did it.
503
00:22:57,377 --> 00:22:59,537
She's right. You roll your eyes.
504
00:22:59,538 --> 00:23:02,861
Thank you once for sticking up for me.
505
00:23:02,862 --> 00:23:05,063
You know, when Buzzy left,
506
00:23:05,064 --> 00:23:07,464
I thought that no one would
ever believe in me again.
507
00:23:07,465 --> 00:23:09,507
But then I met Trevor.
508
00:23:09,508 --> 00:23:11,148
Who's Trevor?
509
00:23:11,149 --> 00:23:13,390
He's the gay who comes with my room.
510
00:23:13,391 --> 00:23:15,992
I am on a completely different level.
511
00:23:15,993 --> 00:23:19,636
I get a poached egg on demand.
512
00:23:19,637 --> 00:23:24,280
Anyway, I auditioned my
one-woman show for Trevor,
513
00:23:24,281 --> 00:23:26,121
and he thinks it's strong enough
514
00:23:26,122 --> 00:23:30,205
to be performed in the world-famous,
515
00:23:30,206 --> 00:23:33,969
renowned Spinnaker Lounge.
516
00:23:33,970 --> 00:23:37,932
So if you want to hear my story,
517
00:23:37,933 --> 00:23:42,817
my story wants to be heard by you.
518
00:23:46,541 --> 00:23:48,421
Tonight at 6:45.
519
00:23:48,422 --> 00:23:50,903
MAURA: 6:45.
520
00:23:50,904 --> 00:23:52,225
I go on at 7,
521
00:23:52,226 --> 00:23:54,787
but you have to get your seat by 6:45.
522
00:24:00,073 --> 00:24:02,394
You get a gay with your room?
523
00:24:02,395 --> 00:24:03,675
Only on her level.
524
00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:05,678
(PIANO)
525
00:24:20,331 --> 00:24:23,853
Come with me on the journey to Shel...
526
00:24:23,854 --> 00:24:27,536
(ECHOES) and to Shel and to
Shel and to Shel and back.
527
00:24:27,537 --> 00:24:31,101
Come with me on the
journey to Shel and back.
528
00:24:47,275 --> 00:24:50,117
When I was a young girl,
529
00:24:50,118 --> 00:24:51,478
something happened to me
530
00:24:51,479 --> 00:24:54,840
that made me stop being
who I really was.
531
00:24:54,841 --> 00:24:58,926
I stopped growing in
every sense of the word.
532
00:25:00,247 --> 00:25:03,408
I have always been drawn to men
533
00:25:03,409 --> 00:25:07,252
who wanted to live in the
darkness of a secret.
534
00:25:07,253 --> 00:25:11,295
Who am I? I didn't know.
535
00:25:11,296 --> 00:25:14,338
I didn't know, and I
didn't want to know.
536
00:25:14,339 --> 00:25:18,783
I was in a cocoon.
537
00:25:24,468 --> 00:25:28,712
I'm broke, but I'm happy
538
00:25:30,073 --> 00:25:34,117
I'm poor, but I'm kind
539
00:25:35,919 --> 00:25:39,961
I'm short, but I'm healthy
540
00:25:39,962 --> 00:25:42,044
Yeah
541
00:25:43,926 --> 00:25:48,809
I'm high, but I'm grounded
542
00:25:48,810 --> 00:25:55,175
I'm sane, but I'm overwhelmed
543
00:25:55,176 --> 00:25:58,417
I'm lost
544
00:25:58,418 --> 00:26:01,220
But I'm hopeful
545
00:26:01,221 --> 00:26:04,824
Baby
546
00:26:04,825 --> 00:26:08,307
What it all comes down to
547
00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:11,669
Is that everything's going to be
548
00:26:11,670 --> 00:26:16,034
Fine, fine, fine
549
00:26:16,035 --> 00:26:19,597
'Cause I got one hand in my pocket
550
00:26:19,598 --> 00:26:27,243
And the other one is
giving a high five
551
00:26:27,244 --> 00:26:29,806
I feel drunk, but I'm sober
552
00:26:29,807 --> 00:26:32,208
I'm young, and I'm underpaid
553
00:26:32,209 --> 00:26:34,690
I'm tired, but I'm workin'
554
00:26:34,691 --> 00:26:36,772
Yeah
555
00:26:36,773 --> 00:26:39,454
I care, but I'm restless
556
00:26:39,455 --> 00:26:42,497
I'm here, but I'm really gone
557
00:26:42,498 --> 00:26:44,500
I'm wrong
558
00:26:46,422 --> 00:26:48,424
I'm sorry
559
00:26:49,825 --> 00:26:52,706
Baby
560
00:26:52,707 --> 00:26:57,431
What it all comes down to
561
00:26:57,432 --> 00:27:01,195
Is that everything's going
to be quite all right
562
00:27:02,877 --> 00:27:06,079
'Cause I got one hand in my pocket
563
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:09,681
And the other one is
giving a peace sign
564
00:27:09,682 --> 00:27:11,403
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
565
00:27:11,404 --> 00:27:13,044
Whoo!
566
00:27:13,045 --> 00:27:16,047
I'm free, but I'm focused
567
00:27:16,048 --> 00:27:18,249
I'm green, but I'm wise
568
00:27:18,250 --> 00:27:23,614
I'm hard, but I'm friendly, baby
569
00:27:23,615 --> 00:27:26,056
I'm sad, but I'm laughing
570
00:27:26,057 --> 00:27:28,698
I'm brave, but I'm chickenshit
571
00:27:28,699 --> 00:27:32,462
I'm sick, but I'm pretty
572
00:27:32,463 --> 00:27:37,788
Baby, what it all boils down to
573
00:27:41,672 --> 00:27:44,352
Is that no one's got it
all figured out just yet.
574
00:27:44,353 --> 00:27:45,754
(CHEERING)
575
00:27:45,755 --> 00:27:48,476
'Cause I got one hand in my pocket
576
00:27:48,477 --> 00:27:52,200
And the other one is
playing the piano
577
00:27:52,201 --> 00:27:54,643
Give it up for Trevor, everybody!
578
00:27:57,205 --> 00:28:00,567
What it all boils down to
579
00:28:00,568 --> 00:28:05,091
My friends
580
00:28:05,092 --> 00:28:08,455
Is that everything's just
581
00:28:08,456 --> 00:28:11,978
Fine, fine, fine
582
00:28:14,300 --> 00:28:21,947
'Cause I got one hand in my pocket
583
00:28:24,750 --> 00:28:30,954
And the other one is
hailin' a taxicab
584
00:28:30,955 --> 00:28:35,423
-
Yeah
- (APPLAUSE)
585
00:28:47,497 --> 00:28:52,345
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
586
00:28:52,736 --> 00:28:57,899
And what it all comes
down to, my friends, is
587
00:28:57,900 --> 00:29:03,584
Is that everything is
just fine, fine, fine
588
00:29:03,585 --> 00:29:06,587
'Cause I've got one
hand in my pocket
589
00:29:06,588 --> 00:29:10,310
And the other one is
givin' a high five
590
00:29:14,475 --> 00:29:17,116
I feel drunk, but I'm sober
591
00:29:17,117 --> 00:29:19,718
I'm young, and I'm underpaid
592
00:29:19,719 --> 00:29:22,361
I'm tired, but I'm workin'
593
00:29:22,362 --> 00:29:24,363
Yeah
594
00:29:25,083 --> 00:29:27,604
I care, but I'm restless
595
00:29:27,606 --> 00:29:30,208
I'm here, but I'm really gone
596
00:29:30,208 --> 00:29:34,371
I'm wrong, and I'm sorry, baby
597
00:29:34,372 --> 00:29:38,055
And what it all comes
down to, my friends
598
00:29:38,056 --> 00:29:45,181
Yeah, is that everything
is just fine, fine, fine
599
00:29:45,182 --> 00:29:46,544
'Cause I've got...
600
00:29:46,594 --> 00:29:51,144
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