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1
00:00:07,491 --> 00:00:09,383
Yes, I'm very upset.
2
00:00:09,403 --> 00:00:11,395
Whoever heard of a surprise conference?
3
00:00:11,495 --> 00:00:12,829
It's not a surprise conference.
4
00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:14,063
There's a surprise speaker.
5
00:00:14,163 --> 00:00:15,399
- Harvey Claire...
- Oh.
6
00:00:15,499 --> 00:00:16,900
...came back from Russia a week early,
7
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:21,471
and he had access to
pre-1952 communist archives,
8
00:00:21,571 --> 00:00:23,540
and he has this theory
about the Rosenbergs.
9
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,275
Oi, the Rosenbergs.
10
00:00:25,375 --> 00:00:27,243
I'm going to make the
best of a bad situation,
11
00:00:27,344 --> 00:00:28,778
and I advise you to do the same.
12
00:00:28,878 --> 00:00:31,281
Relax, just relax, and enjoy yourself.
13
00:00:32,716 --> 00:00:35,285
Well, thanks to Ali,
I can't go into the village.
14
00:00:35,385 --> 00:00:36,753
If I do, I'm going to run into somebody,
15
00:00:36,853 --> 00:00:37,987
and then I'm going to have to explain
16
00:00:38,087 --> 00:00:39,523
and explain and explain.
17
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:42,659
No one owes anybody any explanation,
Shel.
18
00:00:42,759 --> 00:00:44,561
- It is what it is.
- Yeah, it is what it is.
19
00:00:44,661 --> 00:00:46,896
That's right. It is what it is.
20
00:00:49,232 --> 00:00:51,401
God. Poor mom.
21
00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:53,937
She does have her TV shows.
22
00:00:54,037 --> 00:00:56,806
Oh, yes. Her love of Mary Tyler Moore.
23
00:00:56,906 --> 00:00:59,809
Of course he didn't.
He just left. Just now.
24
00:00:59,909 --> 00:01:03,780
And he left me to pick up the pieces,
per usual.
25
00:01:04,168 --> 00:01:06,550
All right, I'll be over in ten minutes.
26
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:09,619
God, Judy. It's white wine.
Just put it in the freezer.
27
00:01:14,257 --> 00:01:16,092
I've got to go check on your aunt Judy.
28
00:01:16,192 --> 00:01:17,827
She threw out her back again.
29
00:01:17,927 --> 00:01:19,429
I may sleep over.
30
00:01:19,529 --> 00:01:22,065
Oh, uh, honey, you're in charge.
31
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,833
Get yourselves a pizza, okay?
32
00:01:23,933 --> 00:01:26,370
Wait, mom,
I didn't fly all the way home to babysit.
33
00:01:26,403 --> 00:01:27,871
- Come on.
- Tell that to this one.
34
00:01:27,971 --> 00:01:29,773
She's the one that
canceled her Bat Mitzvah.
35
00:01:29,873 --> 00:01:31,608
I love you. I know.
I'm a terrible, terrible child.
36
00:01:31,708 --> 00:01:33,276
Yes, you're a terrible child.
37
00:01:33,377 --> 00:01:34,678
- Okay.
- Don't watch TV all night,
38
00:01:34,778 --> 00:01:36,380
and do whatever your sister says. Goodbye.
39
00:01:36,413 --> 00:01:37,614
- Bye.
- Bye.
40
00:01:37,714 --> 00:01:39,416
Bye.
41
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:40,784
Are we going in circles?
42
00:01:40,884 --> 00:01:42,619
No, we just made a right turn,
43
00:01:42,719 --> 00:01:44,120
and I think it's up ahead.
44
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:46,155
I know we didn't miss it.
45
00:01:46,255 --> 00:01:48,392
Okay, here we go.
46
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,562
My goodness.
47
00:01:54,263 --> 00:01:57,734
- Hi. Uh, Pfefferman.
- Uh, Pollard.
48
00:01:58,802 --> 00:02:00,437
Thank you.
49
00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:03,139
We made it.
50
00:02:03,239 --> 00:02:05,174
Oh, my goodness.
51
00:02:05,274 --> 00:02:06,209
- Hi.
- Hi.
52
00:02:06,309 --> 00:02:07,411
- Hi.
- Hello.
53
00:02:07,444 --> 00:02:09,413
What a change.
54
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,082
- I know.
- Look at her.
55
00:02:13,182 --> 00:02:14,918
- My God.
- Excuse us.
56
00:02:15,018 --> 00:02:16,052
We're new.
57
00:02:18,455 --> 00:02:21,991
Oh, my God, look at this.
58
00:02:23,192 --> 00:02:26,930
Mark? We're mother-effing here.
59
00:02:27,383 --> 00:02:29,204
Yeah.
60
00:02:33,576 --> 00:02:36,455
S01E08
Best New Girl
61
00:02:36,475 --> 00:02:39,589
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
62
00:02:39,609 --> 00:02:45,449
Oh, sister,
when I come to lie in your arms
63
00:02:47,050 --> 00:02:52,656
You should not treat me like a stranger
64
00:02:55,158 --> 00:03:00,830
Our father would not
like the way that you act
65
00:03:02,466 --> 00:03:10,073
and you must realize the danger
66
00:03:19,583 --> 00:03:21,317
Wow. This is nice.
67
00:03:21,485 --> 00:03:23,553
Oh, it's Western. I love it.
68
00:03:23,653 --> 00:03:26,523
- Beautiful.
- I love the panels.
69
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,292
Um, I'm going to take that bedroom,
70
00:03:29,392 --> 00:03:30,560
- if that's all right.
- Okay.
71
00:03:30,660 --> 00:03:32,569
- I want to be close to the bathroom.
- That's fine.
72
00:03:32,589 --> 00:03:34,097
Ooh. Oh, I love this.
73
00:03:34,197 --> 00:03:36,533
I'll take this. It's bigger.
74
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,504
500 calls and electronic mails
75
00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:43,807
went out announcing that a 13-year-old
76
00:03:43,907 --> 00:03:47,577
is now making the major
decisions around here.
77
00:03:47,677 --> 00:03:48,845
Oh, for God's sakes.
78
00:03:48,945 --> 00:03:50,580
It's like you do your do-si-do,
79
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,415
you turn around,
your dance partner's not there.
80
00:03:52,516 --> 00:03:54,851
Like Marilyn's wedding and Merle's funeral,
81
00:03:54,951 --> 00:03:57,020
and how about my house last year,
4th of July?
82
00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:00,524
I bet you his T.A...
What's her bucket... Eve...
83
00:04:00,624 --> 00:04:02,526
is there at the conference with him, too,
84
00:04:02,626 --> 00:04:04,728
with that stupid banana clip.
85
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,663
They're probably both orgasming
86
00:04:06,763 --> 00:04:08,998
over some tedious detail
about the Cold War.
87
00:04:09,098 --> 00:04:10,634
What about the couples counseling?
88
00:04:10,734 --> 00:04:12,969
I am not throwing away good money
89
00:04:13,069 --> 00:04:14,671
to have a PHD tell me
90
00:04:14,771 --> 00:04:17,373
that I have to give my
husband more oral sex.
91
00:04:17,541 --> 00:04:19,008
But you are having sex, aren't you?
92
00:04:19,108 --> 00:04:20,777
- Sometimes...
- Hmm.
93
00:04:20,877 --> 00:04:24,213
Uh, I think he's trying to get kinky.
94
00:04:24,313 --> 00:04:27,551
- What?
- I... I can't say.
95
00:04:27,651 --> 00:04:28,785
Come on. Now you got to tell me.
96
00:04:28,885 --> 00:04:30,319
No-no...
97
00:04:30,419 --> 00:04:31,888
What?
98
00:04:31,988 --> 00:04:34,123
He wants to...
99
00:04:34,223 --> 00:04:35,559
Do all men do this?
100
00:04:35,659 --> 00:04:39,362
He puts on my underpants
when we're doing it.
101
00:04:39,462 --> 00:04:40,864
I mean, I... I had to stop it.
102
00:04:40,964 --> 00:04:44,101
Wait, wait. Back up.
What do you mean, on?
103
00:04:44,957 --> 00:04:45,935
On.
104
00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:47,236
He... [Chuckles]
105
00:04:47,336 --> 00:04:48,638
Wait. On?
106
00:04:48,738 --> 00:04:53,042
Stuffed himself into my underpants.
107
00:04:53,142 --> 00:04:57,581
It was the biggest camel
toe I've ever seen.
108
00:04:57,614 --> 00:05:00,083
[Laughing]
109
00:05:03,019 --> 00:05:05,121
- Oh.
- Ohh.
110
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:06,656
Oh, my God.
111
00:05:09,793 --> 00:05:13,096
You know, Eddie... Eddie Paskowitz
112
00:05:13,196 --> 00:05:14,430
from the school board...
113
00:05:14,598 --> 00:05:15,832
Oh, from the school board, yeah.
114
00:05:15,932 --> 00:05:19,368
He keeps inviting me over to his place.
115
00:05:19,468 --> 00:05:20,737
- Really?
- Hmm, yeah.
116
00:05:20,837 --> 00:05:25,108
I've said no, like, about five times.
117
00:05:25,208 --> 00:05:27,443
It would serve Mort right if you did.
118
00:05:27,611 --> 00:05:29,378
What does that mean?
119
00:05:29,478 --> 00:05:31,981
Honey, I just... I don't know why
120
00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:36,620
you don't treat yourself as
well as he treats himself.
121
00:05:38,002 --> 00:05:39,789
[Woman singing]
122
00:05:43,793 --> 00:05:44,961
- Hello.
- Hello.
123
00:05:45,061 --> 00:05:47,163
Welcome, ladies.
Here, honey, put this on.
124
00:05:50,043 --> 00:05:52,128
Enjoy yourselves.
125
00:06:00,409 --> 00:06:02,245
- Hey
- Hi.
126
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,523
Oh, it's amazing, isn't it?
127
00:06:14,658 --> 00:06:16,325
My first time, yeah, mm-hmm. It's very...
128
00:06:16,425 --> 00:06:18,094
Yes, they've added a few
new hot water heaters.
129
00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:19,562
That's an improvement from the old days.
130
00:06:19,663 --> 00:06:21,030
- Nice.
- You didn't have hot water?
131
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,265
Well, we had some,
132
00:06:22,365 --> 00:06:23,833
but you take a bath in
about that much water,
133
00:06:23,933 --> 00:06:25,669
and it was done. And they finally,
134
00:06:25,702 --> 00:06:28,004
finally, hired some professional servers.
135
00:06:28,104 --> 00:06:29,305
Yeah.
136
00:06:29,405 --> 00:06:30,740
They used to have these girls,
137
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,208
these teenyboppers
138
00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,977
from this little Lutheran
school down the road,
139
00:06:34,077 --> 00:06:35,879
and those bitches wouldn't
even look us in the eye.
140
00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,847
- They were horrible.
- The worst.
141
00:06:37,947 --> 00:06:39,816
- The worst, Maura.
- That's terrible.
142
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:41,117
That would kill this.
143
00:06:41,217 --> 00:06:42,786
Girls can be such mean little twats.
144
00:06:42,886 --> 00:06:45,689
Mm. Ladies, this is my wife Connie.
145
00:06:45,755 --> 00:06:46,690
- Hello.
- Hi, Connie.
146
00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:47,691
- Hi.
- I'm Maura.
147
00:06:47,791 --> 00:06:49,092
- Marcy.
- Marcy.
148
00:06:49,192 --> 00:06:51,861
Marcy, Maura, hi.
149
00:06:51,961 --> 00:06:54,563
I didn't know wives were welcome here.
150
00:06:54,698 --> 00:06:57,033
Yeah, I'm not sure they're welcome here.
151
00:06:57,133 --> 00:06:59,535
They're tolerated here.
And oh, did you know
152
00:06:59,703 --> 00:07:01,570
that we have a wives' Bill of Rights?
153
00:07:01,705 --> 00:07:02,972
- Are you kidding? Really?
- Yes.
154
00:07:03,072 --> 00:07:04,607
You cannot borrow our clothes
155
00:07:04,708 --> 00:07:06,609
without asking us first.
156
00:07:06,710 --> 00:07:09,145
Well, my wife is a 4.
157
00:07:09,245 --> 00:07:12,115
- You're not a 4.
- No, I'm 4 squared.
158
00:07:12,215 --> 00:07:13,950
[Laughter]
159
00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:15,785
Oh! Oh, my God, I love this song.
160
00:07:15,885 --> 00:07:17,353
- Excuse me.
- Right behind you,
161
00:07:17,453 --> 00:07:18,722
right behind you, right behind you.
162
00:07:18,788 --> 00:07:20,223
Are you going to dance?
163
00:07:20,323 --> 00:07:23,192
power of love
164
00:07:23,292 --> 00:07:24,227
Yeah!
165
00:07:24,327 --> 00:07:27,530
Power of love
166
00:07:27,630 --> 00:07:31,067
Power of love
167
00:07:31,167 --> 00:07:34,170
Power of love, right on
168
00:07:34,270 --> 00:07:36,239
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
169
00:07:38,341 --> 00:07:43,913
I still believe
170
00:07:44,013 --> 00:07:46,582
yeah
171
00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:50,386
Power of love
172
00:07:50,486 --> 00:07:52,488
I still believe
173
00:07:52,588 --> 00:07:56,425
[laughter]
174
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,010
Hi.
175
00:08:14,110 --> 00:08:15,779
Sarah tell you she's taking off?
176
00:08:15,879 --> 00:08:17,013
No. Where's she going?
177
00:08:17,113 --> 00:08:18,381
Hey.
178
00:08:18,481 --> 00:08:19,783
Josh tell you I'm leaving?
179
00:08:19,849 --> 00:08:21,985
Sort of. Where are you going?
180
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:24,287
Um, okay.
So these people at UCSB just called me,
181
00:08:24,387 --> 00:08:25,855
and they're going to
this really cool protest
182
00:08:25,955 --> 00:08:27,690
against abusive labor practices
183
00:08:27,791 --> 00:08:29,292
for, like, fruit pickers and stuff,
184
00:08:29,392 --> 00:08:31,327
so I don't know.
I feel like I can't just sit here
185
00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:32,796
when there's people changing the world,
186
00:08:32,829 --> 00:08:34,030
you know what I mean?
187
00:08:34,130 --> 00:08:35,799
It's depressing here. No offense.
188
00:08:35,865 --> 00:08:37,300
- That sounds dumb.
- Don't tell mom, all right?
189
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,969
She doesn't need to worry
about me getting trampled or shot at, okay?
190
00:08:40,069 --> 00:08:41,137
Fine.
191
00:08:41,237 --> 00:08:43,038
Josh, you're in charge, okay? Watch Ali.
192
00:08:43,058 --> 00:08:44,307
Mm-hmm.
[Kiss noise]
193
00:08:49,337 --> 00:08:52,552
You want to play Super Mario
or go for a walk or something?
194
00:08:52,572 --> 00:08:54,350
Hey, guys.
195
00:08:54,676 --> 00:08:56,820
Hey, Rita. How are you?
196
00:08:56,886 --> 00:08:57,854
Good. How are you?
197
00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,823
- You look nice.
- Thank you.
198
00:08:59,923 --> 00:09:01,739
- You ready?
- Yeah.
199
00:09:01,759 --> 00:09:03,292
I just need my backpack.
200
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,696
Hey, Ali. How'd your soccer game go?
201
00:09:08,222 --> 00:09:09,990
They didn't put me in.
202
00:09:10,401 --> 00:09:11,708
Oh.
203
00:09:14,608 --> 00:09:18,206
Okay, I'm just going to wait in the car.
204
00:09:19,003 --> 00:09:20,895
See you.
205
00:09:23,883 --> 00:09:25,825
You guys are disgusting.
206
00:09:26,123 --> 00:09:27,859
What's your problem?
207
00:09:27,879 --> 00:09:30,012
Just seeing you together, it's gross.
208
00:09:30,032 --> 00:09:31,855
Makes me want to vomit.
209
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,568
You're pathetic.
210
00:09:44,464 --> 00:09:46,348
- Hello, ladies.
- Hi.
211
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,497
- You look lovely.
- Whoo!
212
00:09:52,428 --> 00:09:55,011
[Humming]
213
00:09:58,714 --> 00:10:00,557
I... um... so you want to go first, baby?
214
00:10:00,577 --> 00:10:01,416
You go.
215
00:10:01,436 --> 00:10:02,851
- Me?
- Yeah.
216
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,212
Okay.
217
00:10:10,025 --> 00:10:11,627
[Coin drops in phone]
218
00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:18,967
Shh.
219
00:10:19,330 --> 00:10:20,936
Hey.
220
00:10:21,372 --> 00:10:23,238
Uh, yeah.
221
00:10:23,864 --> 00:10:26,141
Yeah, it's good.
You know, it's... it's...
222
00:10:26,161 --> 00:10:27,876
it's a lot of work, but, uh,
223
00:10:27,976 --> 00:10:30,212
I already targeted a couple of clients.
224
00:10:30,312 --> 00:10:32,915
You know, I think it'll be worth it.
225
00:10:33,321 --> 00:10:34,683
Kevin there?
226
00:10:37,052 --> 00:10:38,787
[Deeper voice] Hey, man.
227
00:10:39,209 --> 00:10:41,123
How you doing?
228
00:10:41,537 --> 00:10:44,393
Yeah. Oh, that's awesome.
229
00:10:44,867 --> 00:10:46,462
Yeah, w-what?
230
00:10:46,482 --> 00:10:49,064
Let me guess.
The coach didn't say a word, right?
231
00:10:49,261 --> 00:10:52,835
Yeah, that's...
that's because he's a douche bag.
232
00:10:52,935 --> 00:10:54,637
Don't tell your mother I said that.
233
00:10:54,657 --> 00:10:57,640
Look, you know what, buddy? You just got...
234
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,658
you got to man up,
you know what I'm saying?
235
00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:03,446
Yeah, you just can't take that crap.
236
00:11:04,547 --> 00:11:07,583
Yeah. Okay, buddy. Love you, man. Bye.
237
00:11:10,453 --> 00:11:11,887
Whew.
238
00:11:13,055 --> 00:11:15,123
Okey-doke. Your turn.
239
00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:20,328
Your turn, baby girl.
240
00:11:20,348 --> 00:11:22,171
I'm going to do it tomorrow.
241
00:11:23,131 --> 00:11:24,633
- You sure?
- Mm-hmm.
242
00:11:25,501 --> 00:11:26,869
We're here.
243
00:11:29,237 --> 00:11:31,039
Okey-doke.
244
00:11:40,315 --> 00:11:42,084
Whoo-hoo-oo!
245
00:11:42,184 --> 00:11:44,075
Ba ba ba ba
246
00:11:48,491 --> 00:11:49,958
[door opens]
247
00:11:50,058 --> 00:11:51,502
[Clanking]
248
00:11:53,361 --> 00:11:55,030
Yo, hello.
249
00:11:55,130 --> 00:11:56,031
Hello?
250
00:11:56,131 --> 00:11:57,232
Hello.
251
00:11:57,332 --> 00:11:58,667
I have two more of these out in the van.
252
00:11:58,767 --> 00:12:00,569
Is there a back entrance or something?
253
00:12:00,669 --> 00:12:02,767
Oh, my God,
you're here for the Bat Mitzvah.
254
00:12:02,787 --> 00:12:04,272
It was canceled.
255
00:12:04,372 --> 00:12:05,874
Are you kidding me?
256
00:12:08,010 --> 00:12:09,678
Can I use your bathroom?
257
00:12:09,778 --> 00:12:11,580
I've been holding it since Reseda.
258
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:13,849
Yeah, it's just right down there.
259
00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:17,352
- There we go.
- 1, 2, 3.
260
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,024
[Shutter clicks]
261
00:12:20,045 --> 00:12:22,525
[Chatter]
262
00:12:26,428 --> 00:12:28,564
I mean, you see how much happier it is?
263
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:30,899
- So what happened?
- Well,
264
00:12:30,999 --> 00:12:32,535
somewhere, I don't know, what, last year,
265
00:12:32,635 --> 00:12:34,737
she decided...
he decided to go all the way.
266
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,138
I mean, it was full tilt.
267
00:12:36,238 --> 00:12:37,439
He changed his name
268
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:38,807
from Raul to Ramona and everything.
269
00:12:38,907 --> 00:12:40,643
Full time. Became legally...
270
00:12:40,743 --> 00:12:41,777
We're not judging, dear.
We're not judging.
271
00:12:41,877 --> 00:12:43,679
I am judging. I am judging.
272
00:12:43,779 --> 00:12:46,715
That Maria with...
the accountant from Dallas,
273
00:12:46,815 --> 00:12:49,117
she walked in on him with
the needle in his ass.
274
00:12:49,217 --> 00:12:52,721
She had the nerve to bring
hormones to cross-dressing.
275
00:12:52,821 --> 00:12:55,390
- Then she...
- Can you believe it?
276
00:12:55,558 --> 00:12:56,559
That's crossing a line.
277
00:12:56,659 --> 00:12:58,093
- Well, yeah.
- Amen, sisters.
278
00:12:58,193 --> 00:12:59,194
[Laughing]
279
00:12:59,294 --> 00:13:00,362
No, but then she offered
280
00:13:00,462 --> 00:13:01,664
a hormone to Maria.
281
00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:03,431
So she was... she was thrown out?
282
00:13:03,566 --> 00:13:05,133
- Mm-hmm.
- Well...
283
00:13:05,233 --> 00:13:06,569
we don't know that for sure.
284
00:13:06,602 --> 00:13:07,570
All we know is that she hasn't been back.
285
00:13:07,670 --> 00:13:09,672
Either way, good riddance.
286
00:13:09,772 --> 00:13:11,039
- Good riddance.
- Just saying.
287
00:13:11,139 --> 00:13:12,174
We are cross-dressers,
288
00:13:12,274 --> 00:13:13,341
but we're still men.
289
00:13:13,441 --> 00:13:14,577
- That's harsh.
- Well, yeah.
290
00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:16,344
- We are men.
- Cheers.
291
00:13:16,444 --> 00:13:18,113
We are men who wear skirts.
292
00:13:18,213 --> 00:13:19,381
- Cheers.
- Men in skirts.
293
00:13:19,481 --> 00:13:20,382
Cheers.
294
00:13:20,482 --> 00:13:22,249
[Laughter]
295
00:13:22,618 --> 00:13:24,502
[Chatter]
296
00:13:29,592 --> 00:13:30,793
[Chatter]
297
00:13:31,694 --> 00:13:33,161
Come here.
298
00:13:35,698 --> 00:13:37,099
[Ball clatters]
299
00:13:40,703 --> 00:13:43,471
Emotional buttons will do so
300
00:13:43,606 --> 00:13:44,740
in both good and bad ways,
301
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:46,508
and with Mercury in retrograde,
302
00:13:46,609 --> 00:13:48,611
be careful with any mechanical devices.
303
00:13:48,711 --> 00:13:50,913
Well, you want to hide that curling iron.
304
00:13:51,013 --> 00:13:52,781
You don't want to go home
with burns on your ears.
305
00:13:52,881 --> 00:13:54,950
- Oh, please.
- Ooh. There's Connie.
306
00:13:55,470 --> 00:13:56,484
Hi, Connie.
307
00:13:57,026 --> 00:13:58,120
I like Connie.
308
00:13:58,220 --> 00:13:59,387
- Hello, beauties.
- Hi.
309
00:13:59,487 --> 00:14:00,623
- Hey.
- Where you been?
310
00:14:00,723 --> 00:14:02,625
My God, have you guys been at the lake?
311
00:14:02,691 --> 00:14:04,092
You have to go. It's like bath water.
312
00:14:04,192 --> 00:14:05,628
- It's disgusting.
- We don't do lake.
313
00:14:05,728 --> 00:14:08,127
Oh, why? Do you have your period?
314
00:14:10,144 --> 00:14:11,199
You kill me.
315
00:14:11,219 --> 00:14:13,468
I kill myself.
316
00:14:13,636 --> 00:14:16,471
I might if I have to play any more Mahjong.
317
00:14:16,491 --> 00:14:18,273
I lost Jackie to another game.
318
00:14:18,373 --> 00:14:19,407
Come join us.
319
00:14:19,507 --> 00:14:20,408
- May I?
- Yeah.
320
00:14:20,508 --> 00:14:21,476
Is that all right?
321
00:14:21,644 --> 00:14:22,978
I could never get Shelly
322
00:14:23,078 --> 00:14:25,480
to come here.
She just wants to go to diet camp.
323
00:14:25,648 --> 00:14:26,949
- [Connie laughs]
- Oh, God.
324
00:14:27,049 --> 00:14:28,416
Claire would...
325
00:14:28,516 --> 00:14:30,653
check me in the loony bin.
326
00:14:30,686 --> 00:14:31,654
Connie: Oh.
327
00:14:31,754 --> 00:14:33,656
Our wives are not like you.
328
00:14:33,722 --> 00:14:34,823
Oh, they're not like me?
329
00:14:34,923 --> 00:14:35,991
- No.
- No one is like you.
330
00:14:36,091 --> 00:14:37,525
- We admire you.
- No, believe me,
331
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:39,662
I was not always like this, definitely not.
332
00:14:39,762 --> 00:14:41,329
Did you know that person...
333
00:14:41,429 --> 00:14:42,430
that everybody was talking about
334
00:14:42,530 --> 00:14:43,832
who's been, I don't know,
335
00:14:43,932 --> 00:14:45,500
banned because of hormones or something?
336
00:14:45,668 --> 00:14:46,669
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ramona.
337
00:14:46,769 --> 00:14:48,203
I miss Ramona. What a hoot.
338
00:14:48,303 --> 00:14:49,972
Mm.
339
00:14:50,521 --> 00:14:54,176
Okay, do you want to hear your horoscope?
340
00:14:54,276 --> 00:14:55,243
What sign are you?
- [Gasp]
341
00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:57,212
- You are a...
- Gemini.
342
00:14:57,312 --> 00:14:58,947
- Knew it.
- Your love life
343
00:14:59,047 --> 00:15:02,550
takes a destined turn this year, gemini.
344
00:15:02,685 --> 00:15:03,886
- Ohh.
- Wow.
345
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:07,355
Pleasure and romance become the essentials.
346
00:15:07,455 --> 00:15:08,423
Wow.
347
00:15:08,523 --> 00:15:11,493
Well, whoever wrote that
is obviously very single.
348
00:15:11,593 --> 00:15:13,696
[Laughing]
349
00:15:14,115 --> 00:15:16,164
I want that one.
350
00:15:16,264 --> 00:15:17,800
So off Ramona went,
351
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:20,402
never to be heard from again, huh?
352
00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:21,970
This makes me so sad.
353
00:15:22,070 --> 00:15:23,706
Well, that's not what this place is for.
354
00:15:23,772 --> 00:15:24,840
What is this place for?
355
00:15:24,940 --> 00:15:26,241
This place is for
356
00:15:26,341 --> 00:15:28,176
expressing your femininity.
357
00:15:28,276 --> 00:15:30,478
Transvestites are not transsexuals.
358
00:15:30,578 --> 00:15:31,747
Never the twain shall meet.
359
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:33,982
They should be in a different place.
360
00:15:34,619 --> 00:15:36,287
I don't agree.
361
00:15:37,252 --> 00:15:38,520
We agree to disagree.
362
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:39,955
You made her sad.
363
00:15:40,055 --> 00:15:42,157
It does make me sad.
Doesn't it make you sad?
364
00:15:42,257 --> 00:15:44,359
Come to think of it,
I am a little bit sad.
365
00:15:44,459 --> 00:15:46,194
And you know...
366
00:15:46,455 --> 00:15:48,731
Do you know what's really good for sadness?
367
00:15:48,797 --> 00:15:51,767
Do you know? I think alcohol.
368
00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:53,568
Well, the pool bar is closed.
369
00:15:53,588 --> 00:15:54,803
- Oh.
- Well, wait a minute.
370
00:15:54,903 --> 00:15:57,405
I believe we have some alkyhol
371
00:15:57,505 --> 00:15:59,214
in our cabeen.
372
00:15:59,612 --> 00:16:01,977
We do, but the pageant is in an hour.
373
00:16:02,077 --> 00:16:04,246
Well, let's just sit here for an hour
374
00:16:04,346 --> 00:16:05,748
and just stare into space.
375
00:16:05,848 --> 00:16:07,582
An hour? We have time for two drinks.
376
00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:08,751
- Three drinks.
- No, three drinks.
377
00:16:08,851 --> 00:16:10,986
- Four drinks.
- Four drinks.
378
00:16:11,006 --> 00:16:14,857
- Happy hour shall now commene.
- Yay!
379
00:16:15,084 --> 00:16:17,125
Can you tell me something?
380
00:16:17,462 --> 00:16:19,234
How'd you get out of the Bat Mitzvah?
381
00:16:19,254 --> 00:16:20,763
I didn't think I could memorize it all,
382
00:16:20,796 --> 00:16:22,430
so I said that I didn't believe in God,
383
00:16:22,530 --> 00:16:23,766
and they canceled it.
384
00:16:23,866 --> 00:16:26,101
Are you kidding me? No on does that.
385
00:16:26,201 --> 00:16:27,469
Hmm. I mean,
386
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:30,372
a lot of people would have
just done it for the cash.
387
00:16:30,472 --> 00:16:31,639
Really, it's true.
388
00:16:31,774 --> 00:16:33,375
You're a badass.
389
00:16:33,646 --> 00:16:35,102
Hmm.
390
00:16:36,945 --> 00:16:38,246
Never understood how kids
391
00:16:38,346 --> 00:16:40,729
get up in front of all
those people and sing.
392
00:16:43,538 --> 00:16:45,988
[Singing in hebrew]
393
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:00,535
No, no. Keep going.
394
00:17:00,635 --> 00:17:02,670
You got a captive audience right here.
395
00:17:02,805 --> 00:17:04,973
[Resumes singing in hebrew]
396
00:17:35,303 --> 00:17:37,105
[Clapping]
397
00:17:38,620 --> 00:17:41,743
Oh, my fucking God, that was brilliant.
398
00:17:41,844 --> 00:17:43,545
I have no idea what you just said,
399
00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:46,014
but I feel totally transformed.
400
00:17:46,949 --> 00:17:48,316
Oh, well.
401
00:18:01,166 --> 00:18:02,530
Come on, man.
402
00:18:07,215 --> 00:18:08,904
[Laughing]
403
00:18:25,292 --> 00:18:26,421
What's your name?
404
00:18:27,662 --> 00:18:29,272
Sarah.
405
00:18:29,292 --> 00:18:30,935
I'm Cindy.
406
00:18:50,745 --> 00:18:51,679
Cateress: Good luck, kid.
407
00:18:51,779 --> 00:18:52,915
Thanks for the ride, Jules.
408
00:18:53,015 --> 00:18:54,382
Any time.
409
00:18:58,954 --> 00:19:00,422
[Seagulls squawk]
410
00:19:31,553 --> 00:19:33,354
You know,
when you're far away from something,
411
00:19:33,455 --> 00:19:35,056
you can't tell how big it is.
412
00:19:35,156 --> 00:19:36,791
Not really, sweetie.
413
00:19:36,891 --> 00:19:39,461
I thought your plane was real.
414
00:19:39,494 --> 00:19:41,896
Huh. Yeah, right.
415
00:19:41,996 --> 00:19:43,297
I did.
416
00:19:43,465 --> 00:19:45,252
What's your name?
417
00:19:45,272 --> 00:19:46,834
Ali.
418
00:19:49,671 --> 00:19:51,873
Can I fly your plane?
419
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:54,742
No way, Jose.
This thing cost me, like, 300 bucks.
420
00:19:54,842 --> 00:19:57,278
- Well, that's dumb.
- Maybe you're dumb.
421
00:19:57,378 --> 00:20:00,548
- Maybe you're too old to play with toys.
- Oh, and you're not?
422
00:20:00,723 --> 00:20:02,717
I'm 17.
423
00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:07,992
So can I fly your plane or what?
424
00:20:08,012 --> 00:20:12,553
It cost $308.75, to be exact,
425
00:20:12,573 --> 00:20:16,997
so no, you can't fly my plane.
426
00:20:17,184 --> 00:20:20,868
You can grab a beer, though, and watch.
427
00:20:24,205 --> 00:20:25,840
I love beer.
428
00:20:35,211 --> 00:20:36,450
Mm.
429
00:20:36,551 --> 00:20:38,152
That feels so good.
430
00:20:38,252 --> 00:20:39,487
I think you're all so evolved,
431
00:20:39,587 --> 00:20:40,788
and me, too, actually.
432
00:20:40,888 --> 00:20:42,890
I've had to come so far, you know?
433
00:20:42,990 --> 00:20:44,892
I mean, I had a nervous breakdown
434
00:20:44,992 --> 00:20:48,796
before Jack had came out
to me as a cross-dresser,
435
00:20:48,896 --> 00:20:50,698
and I went out... I was in my nightgown,
436
00:20:50,798 --> 00:20:52,534
and I was just on the front lawn,
437
00:20:52,634 --> 00:20:53,968
and I was screaming.
438
00:20:53,988 --> 00:20:55,369
I mean, just a real...
439
00:20:55,537 --> 00:20:57,371
like something out of a movie, you know?
440
00:20:57,539 --> 00:20:58,706
- Like a real scene.
- Yeah,
441
00:20:58,806 --> 00:21:00,407
and the neighbors were just laughing,
442
00:21:00,542 --> 00:21:01,709
- and they loved it.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh. Mm.
443
00:21:01,809 --> 00:21:03,077
Jack does really well,
444
00:21:03,177 --> 00:21:04,946
and, you know, people get really envious.
445
00:21:05,046 --> 00:21:06,581
Mm.
446
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:10,985
- I hate to do this, but...
- What?
447
00:21:11,085 --> 00:21:12,554
I'm wearing a wet bathing suit,
448
00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:14,699
and it's really chafing my ass.
449
00:21:14,889 --> 00:21:16,746
[Laughing] I'm gonna get diaper rash.
450
00:21:16,766 --> 00:21:19,694
I got to air it out. I got to air it out.
451
00:21:20,475 --> 00:21:21,963
Oh, God.
452
00:21:22,063 --> 00:21:24,123
- Doesn't it feel good?
- Mm.
453
00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:27,602
[Humming]
454
00:21:33,027 --> 00:21:34,642
Get up here.
455
00:21:38,079 --> 00:21:39,467
Yes.
456
00:21:39,781 --> 00:21:41,284
Ah.
457
00:21:41,483 --> 00:21:43,117
This is like caramel.
458
00:21:43,217 --> 00:21:44,386
You are beautiful.
459
00:21:44,486 --> 00:21:46,287
You look like an Italian movie star.
460
00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:49,524
- No.
- Ah, yes. You are in Roma.
461
00:21:49,624 --> 00:21:51,192
Like, on my balcony,
462
00:21:51,292 --> 00:21:52,760
putting up my dirty laundry?
463
00:21:52,860 --> 00:21:55,863
[Laughing] No, like,
you know, aristocracy,
464
00:21:55,963 --> 00:21:57,432
a Medici.
465
00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:29,997
[Tango]
466
00:22:59,093 --> 00:23:01,763
Come on, my Italian queen.
467
00:23:04,499 --> 00:23:06,367
- God, you're beautiful.
- You're beautiful.
468
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:08,002
- You're so beautiful.
- Oh, my God.
469
00:23:08,102 --> 00:23:10,046
You guys should get a room.
470
00:23:10,605 --> 00:23:12,073
Oh, yeah, this is a room.
471
00:23:12,173 --> 00:23:14,108
It's my room. It's our room.
472
00:23:15,309 --> 00:23:17,311
- Forgot.
- Where are you going?
473
00:23:17,331 --> 00:23:18,980
I want to go to the pageant.
474
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,214
Well, then go.
475
00:23:20,314 --> 00:23:22,950
- Are you going to go to the pageant?
- Yes, I'm going to go to the pageant.
476
00:23:23,050 --> 00:23:25,252
- After we have a drink.
- What the fuck?
477
00:23:25,352 --> 00:23:27,522
Oh, my God. What are you, my wife?
478
00:23:27,622 --> 00:23:29,294
[Maura, Connie laughing]
479
00:24:06,928 --> 00:24:08,530
- It's beautiful.
- It's gorgeous.
480
00:24:08,596 --> 00:24:10,832
- I love this.
- She is very needy.
481
00:24:28,149 --> 00:24:29,250
[Music stops]
482
00:24:29,350 --> 00:24:30,952
Okay. Let's go. Chop-chop.
483
00:24:31,052 --> 00:24:33,120
- What are you doing?
- Stop. I'm sick of it.
484
00:24:33,220 --> 00:24:34,321
I need to get ready.
485
00:24:34,421 --> 00:24:36,223
- Oh, put it back on.
- Come on.
486
00:24:36,323 --> 00:24:37,892
No, it's time to go.
487
00:24:37,992 --> 00:24:39,160
Oh, God, go.
488
00:24:39,260 --> 00:24:40,394
Where's your husband?
489
00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:41,729
Ah, you're such a spoilsport.
490
00:24:41,829 --> 00:24:44,535
Did you miss the part
where I said he's playing Mahjong?
491
00:24:44,555 --> 00:24:46,568
- Not paying attention to me?
- I don't understand.
492
00:24:46,634 --> 00:24:48,269
Oh, oh, really? I'm sorry. Well, you...
493
00:24:48,369 --> 00:24:50,371
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
494
00:24:50,593 --> 00:24:52,406
Go to the pageant. Go to the pageant.
495
00:24:52,426 --> 00:24:54,887
- Do you like my shoes?
- I love everything.
496
00:24:55,161 --> 00:24:56,924
Wait, wait, wait.
497
00:24:59,252 --> 00:25:00,314
Okay, let's go.
498
00:25:00,414 --> 00:25:02,149
You know what? You go ahead.
499
00:25:02,249 --> 00:25:03,851
I'm gonna pick out...
will you help me pick out a dress?
500
00:25:03,951 --> 00:25:06,202
- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah, sweetie.
501
00:25:06,538 --> 00:25:08,082
Go.
502
00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:14,729
- You look beautiful.
- Go get 'em.
503
00:25:15,830 --> 00:25:17,298
I just don't want to be alone...
504
00:25:17,398 --> 00:25:18,365
- I know.
- ...because I feel stupid.
505
00:25:18,465 --> 00:25:20,301
[Door opens]
506
00:25:20,401 --> 00:25:22,670
[Sigh]
507
00:25:22,770 --> 00:25:25,607
[Tango resumes]
508
00:25:29,276 --> 00:25:31,478
I think he's a little in love with you,
don't you?
509
00:25:31,613 --> 00:25:33,247
- I don't think so.
- No?
510
00:25:33,347 --> 00:25:34,749
Oh, don't say that.
511
00:25:34,849 --> 00:25:36,784
Don't say anything. Don't say anything.
512
00:25:36,884 --> 00:25:38,052
Don't say anything.
513
00:25:38,152 --> 00:25:39,186
Oh, I'm so drunk.
514
00:25:39,286 --> 00:25:41,055
Ohh.
515
00:25:41,155 --> 00:25:42,624
Who are you?
516
00:25:44,926 --> 00:25:46,393
We're just a bunch of bodies.
517
00:25:46,493 --> 00:25:48,129
- Yes.
- That's it.
518
00:25:48,229 --> 00:25:51,098
We're just bodies,
and some of us have a penis.
519
00:25:51,198 --> 00:25:52,266
But, uh...
520
00:25:54,268 --> 00:25:55,469
No penis.
521
00:25:55,637 --> 00:25:57,271
- No vagina.
- No vagina.
522
00:25:57,371 --> 00:25:59,306
What does it matter?
523
00:26:11,418 --> 00:26:13,408
Ali: Faster!
524
00:26:13,707 --> 00:26:15,089
Faster!
525
00:26:18,636 --> 00:26:21,328
Whaah!
526
00:26:21,428 --> 00:26:27,052
Wow!
527
00:26:33,941 --> 00:26:35,910
Bye. See you next year.
528
00:26:36,010 --> 00:26:37,378
Bye-bye.
529
00:26:38,087 --> 00:26:39,681
Thank you.
530
00:26:39,781 --> 00:26:42,583
Hey, it's getting late. You got to change.
531
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:44,686
No, I want to drive like this.
532
00:26:44,786 --> 00:26:46,053
Are you kidding?
533
00:26:46,153 --> 00:26:47,689
No. Come...
534
00:26:49,419 --> 00:26:50,591
I'll change, okay?
535
00:26:50,692 --> 00:26:53,327
I'll change my clothes
before we get to Ventura.
536
00:26:53,427 --> 00:26:54,729
That's...
537
00:26:55,222 --> 00:26:56,998
That's ridiculous. It's not safe.
538
00:26:57,098 --> 00:26:58,565
No. No one gives a shit. Now...
539
00:26:58,700 --> 00:26:59,834
I give a shit.
540
00:26:59,934 --> 00:27:03,537
Hey, Mark, it makes me happy.
541
00:27:03,705 --> 00:27:06,473
I want to be happy for two more hours.
542
00:27:06,573 --> 00:27:08,776
Put your bags in.
543
00:27:09,610 --> 00:27:12,360
For God's sakes,
what's wrong with you?
544
00:27:24,491 --> 00:27:27,094
You know, Mark, you're a cunt.
545
00:27:27,194 --> 00:27:28,395
You're a cunt.
546
00:27:28,495 --> 00:27:31,833
- You're a cunt.
- You are a cunt.
547
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,069
[Engine starts]
548
00:27:35,169 --> 00:27:36,303
Go.
549
00:27:43,845 --> 00:27:45,246
[Truck door closes]
550
00:28:15,922 --> 00:28:18,679
Hi. Did we sleep here all night?
551
00:28:19,258 --> 00:28:20,681
Yep.
552
00:28:21,561 --> 00:28:23,901
Why didn't you try anything?
553
00:28:24,351 --> 00:28:26,587
I don't think you're 17.
554
00:28:27,010 --> 00:28:29,490
You're right. I'm not 17.
555
00:28:29,848 --> 00:28:31,492
I'm 16.
556
00:28:33,394 --> 00:28:34,929
Okay, I'm 15.
557
00:28:36,430 --> 00:28:37,932
I'm really 14.
558
00:28:40,621 --> 00:28:42,314
I'm 13.
559
00:28:46,110 --> 00:28:49,546
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
560
00:28:49,977 --> 00:28:56,417
Oh, sister, am I not a brother to you?
561
00:28:58,319 --> 00:29:03,925
And one deserving of affection?
562
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:12,199
And is our purpose not
the same on this earth
563
00:29:14,035 --> 00:29:19,841
to love and follow his direction?
564
00:29:19,891 --> 00:29:24,441
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