Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? ?Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Somebody who knows quite sure ?

? Baby ?

? By with a little help from my friends ?

? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

Primitive man.

Hunter, toolmaker...

[ Elephant trumpets ]

Slayer of mastodons.

Armed with only his instincts and a spear,

he roamed the earth in tribes.

[ Laughter ]

In a lot of ways,

high school boys are a lot like primitive man.

[ Laughter, elephant trumpeting ]

They forage for their food.

They fashion crude tools.

And, of course, they hang out in groups.

Hey.

In fact, about the only difference

between my friends and Neanderthal man was...

[ Clears throat ]

Any questions?

Neanderthals had bigger brains.

[ School bell rings ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Listen, you guys want to, uh, shoot some hoops after school?

- Oh, yeah, count me in. - Got it.

- Hey, Kev, you playing? - Sure. Of course.

The tribe... that year we were inseparable.

We'd faced all the challenges.

Kevin!

All but one, anyway...

Women.

Uh, look, guys, I got to take a rain check, okay?

[ School bell rings ]

Julie Aidem... we'd been going out for two weeks.

And to put it mildly...

Carry my books?

Sure.

You don't mind?

You kidding?

She appreciated the little things about me.

You know, you have a really cute laugh.

Really? [ Chuckles ]

She liked my laugh.

I thought about you today.

Yeah. I was thinking about you, too.

She thought about me...

Lots.

I thought that you'd look really good in stripes.

No kidding?

Yeah, with the collar up.

You know, it'd really suit you.

That was Julie.

She watched over me, took care of me,

civilized me.

How's that?

So much better!

Let's face it... she was good for me.

And if that wasn't enough...

Hey, Julie. Hey, Kevin.

She had a great Dad, too.

How's the car coming, Mr. Aidem?

How many times I have to tell you to call me Ben?

Ben.

Well, finally got that carburetor problem solved.

Now she's ready for a little spin.

I admired the guy.

He had hobbies. He was funny.

A real man's man.

Honey, did I hear you say

you were going to take the sports car out for a drive?

Thought so, yeah.

You remember our agreement.

You only drive the sports car on the weekends.

Well, I don't know what got into me.

A man's man who was surrounded by women.

He'd be off driving it day and night if I let him,

wouldn't you, Ben?

Not that Julie's Mom

wasn't every bit as fun-loving as her Dad.

Hey, Kevin, why don't you stay for dinner?

I'd love to, June.

She was just more... Civilized.

I mean... Mrs. Aidem.

[ Ting! ]

After all, like mother...

[ Ting! ] ...Like daughter.

Come, Kevin. [ Dog barking ]

Down, pooh-pooh.

All in all, it was quite a household,

filled with doilies and lace curtains

and, of course, pooh-pooh.

Quiet, pooh-pooh, quiet.

I don't get it, daddy.

You're the only one that pooh-pooh barks at.

That's because pooh-pooh loves him.

Yeah, daddy. Pooh-pooh loves you.

The Aidem family was a model of decorum.

There may have been a reason for that.

Oh, Ben, the salad fork.

The girls outnumbered the boys by a ratio of four to one.

Five to one if you counted the pooch.

So, Kev, who do you like for the world series?

Uh, I don't know.

I think I like the tigers or maybe the cubs.

Oakland's gonna knock everyone else on their butts.

- Daddy! - Daddy!

Ben!

Oh, sorry.

Not at the dinner table.

Still, I had to admit, I liked it there.

It was nice being in a civilized home...

Oh, Ben, fix your collar.

[ Dog whimpers ]

A home where people actually said "please"

and used butter knives,

as opposed to, say...

Thank you.

[ Rooster crows ]

The Arnold house.

We were a house of men...

[ Slurps ]

A house of slobs...

[ Belches ]

A house of hunters.

[ Burps ]

[ All burping ]

- Excuse me. - Excuse me.

Fortunately, as it happened,

there had wandered into our camp one person

who did her best to look out for our best interests.

Kevin, I thought you hated that striped shirt.

Me?

No, I saw it in my closet, and I think it suits me.

Well, why is the collar up?

Well, it just so happens

that some people like the way this looks, butt-brain.

Oh. What people?

None of your business!

Julie. [ Chuckles ]

Who's Julie?

No one.

She's got you on a pretty short leash there, huh, Kev?

This from a guy whose last successful relationship

was with a nose-hair clipper.

At least I got a girlfriend.

You're running over to her house every, uh, single day.

I for one think Julie's very good for you, Kevin.

Jack, look how nice Kevin looks.

Why's your collar up?

[ Scoffs ] I'm out of here.

Hey, no sense explaining myself to these cretins.

Hey, butthead...

Make sure your seams are straight.

After all, why wallow in abuse when I could have...

Milk and cookies.

Terrific. Thanks.

Yeah, this was the life...

catered to, coddled, taken care of.

So, did you miss me?

You just went upstairs to get some cookies.

I missed you.

Well, yeah.

Yeah, of course I missed you.

Still, at 21/2 weeks into the relationship,

it was beginning to occur to me

that civilization was not without its discontents.

What are you thinking?

She asked me that a lot.

I'm thinking... These are great cookies.

Well, tomorrow, I'll make brownies.

Tomorrow?

Hello?

[ Door closes ]

Oh, daddy must be home.

Anybody down here?

Daddy...

Hey, Ben.

Hey, Kev. How you doin'?

New muffler... check it out.

Well, it's great, daddy.

[ Pooh-pooh barking ]

Oh, yeah.

Let me get something out of my toolbox,

and I'll get out of your way.

Hmm.

Daddy! Look what you're doing to pooh-pooh!

You're hurting her feelings!

Oh, I don't know what got into me.

Well...

I'll go get her a biscuit.

And suddenly, the thought struck me

this guy might appreciate a little male bonding.

So, Ben, this is a... Great cellar you got here.

Yeah, a few too many nylons for my taste.

Oh. Yeah. Me, too.

[ Barking continues ]

That's some dog.

She's no Duke.

Duke?

I got the biscuit!

Pooh-pooh, I love you so much!

I'll tell you about Duke some other time.

Sorry, honey.

And there you had it.

Did you miss me?

So much for guy talk.

Yeah. Of course I missed you.

And we were back to milk and cookies.

Well, I really got to get back home.

But you're coming over tomorrow afternoon, right?

[ Ding! ]

'Course.

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

I thought you were gonna be playing ball

with us this afternoon!

I was. I just made these... Kind of plans.

What plans?

Nothing.

I was... Just gonna go over to...

Julie's house.

Well, we were gonna play three-on-three.

Okay. No problem. I'll be there.

Yeah. Right.

And that's when I felt a cold chill.

What?

Man, she is really smothering you.

What are you talking about?

But I guess I knew.

It was written all over their faces.

Look.

Guys, I can do whatever I want to do!

I'm playin' ball! I don't have to ask anyone!

No one's gonna stop me!

There. I'd faced the tribe.

I'd made my stand.

Hi, Kevin.

Just one little problem.

I missed you.

[ Ding! ]

And maybe that's when I began to realize...

The undeniable truth.

Julie Aidem had me on a very short leash.

Primitive man derived his power from the tribe.

But occasionally, one of its members betrayed the rest.

Soon, this lone hunter was set adrift from the pack,

cast asunder, shunned, and ostracized.

So, we gonna play some football this afternoon?

Yeah, I'll be there.

Yeah, me too.

By the next day, one thing was clear.

Hey, guys, what time are you playing?

Did you guys hear something?

Not me.

In my tribe, my name was mud.

Still, I had one skill primitive man did not.

Come on, guys!

I could whine.

What?

I want to play!

Look, Kev.

You bailed on us yesterday.

And you didn't even tell us.

Well, I-I got tied up. It was an emergency.

It was Julie, wasn't it?

It was one time.

I promise it'll never happen again.

Please?

And with that, I'd bared my soul,

thrown myself on the mercy of the tribe.

And they, in turn, pronounced their verdict.

[ Elephant trumpets ]

What the hell?

And so, that afternoon, I was reborn.

A few hours with the guys, and I remembered who I was.

Kevin Arnold.

Runner. Passer.

Hunter.

Warrior.

I got it! I got it!

Get him! Get him!

All right!

And it felt good.

- Yeah! Yeah! - Yeah!

All right!

- Hey, way to go. - Yeah!

Yep.

Hey, Mom.

By the time I got home, I was a new man.

Kevin? You have a visitor.

Aaaaaah!

Hi, Kevin!

Hi.

[ Ding! ]

I wasn't expecting you.

Julie and I were just...

Getting to know one another.

II was just worried about you, Kevin.

Isn't that sweet?

She was just worried about you. [ Chuckles ]

So, Julie, w-what's going on?

Oh, nothing.

I thought you were coming over today.

Isn't that sweet?

Mom.

Oh.

I'll just leave you two together.

See you later, Julie.

Hope so, Mrs. Arnold.

Isn't that sweet?

Okay.

It was clear we'd reached a critical juncture.

Julie?

Yes, Kevin?

It was time to set ground rules, here and now.

Well...

Every once in a while, guys just...

You know, got to hang out with other guys.

And there it was.

Gentle, but somehow firm.

I guess you forgot what today is.

Today?

It's our three-week anniversary.

It is?

I got you a gift. [ Giggles ]

Oh, geez.

You did?

Open it.

Made you wonder if they knew how to gift-wrap crow.

Do you like it?

Well... Yeah!

I-I love it!

It's great! It - it's...

Striped.

Striped!

You know, Kevin...

If you want to be with the guys sometimes...

I understand.

No, no. That's not it. I-it's just...

I wouldn't want you to feel like I'm smothering you.

No! Don't be ridiculous. You're not smothering me.

'Cause if you don't think we're right for each other...

no, Julie, I definitely think we're right for each other.

Oh, that's what I think, Kevin!

And right about then, something went wrong.

So maybe it's time we made more of a commitment.

A commitment?

Oh, Kevin! This is so exciting!

I can't wait to tell everyone we're going steady.

First we have to tell mommy and daddy at dinner.

And suddenly, somehow...

I...

Was going steady.

[ Door slams ]

Not that I'd actually agreed to anything, you understand...

Not technically, anyway.

Still, that night outside Julie's house,

I knew I didn't have the courage to turn back.

Hey, Kev!

I hear there's gonna be a little announcement tonight.

Great. The whole family knew.

And not only that, now we were gonna have "the talk"...

the father-of-the-bride speech,

about the birds, about the bees...

Duke loved nights like this.

About... Duke?

Was Duke your dog?

Duke was a hell of a dog.

[ Pooh-pooh barking ]

[ Chuckles ] Not like pooh-pooh back there.

Duke was a black lab... 80 pounds.

He was so full of fun and so full of spirit.

He was a real man's-best-friend kind of dog, you know?

Duke wasn't afraid of anything.

I could tell Duke was more than just a dog to this guy.

What happened to him?

Ran away the day I proposed to June.

Well, I still think about him, you know?

You know, every now and then... At night,

I swear I can still hear Duke's howl.

Ben! Dinner!

[ Barking continues ]

Come on.

That night, I did my best to forestall the inevitable.

Kevin.

Uh...

Terrific pot roast, Mrs. Aidem.

Thank you, Kevin.

But then, I supposed they don't call it

"the inevitable" for nothing...

Kevin, don't you have an announcement to make?

At least not around the Aidem household.

Uh... Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

[ Sighs ]

Wait, Kevin. I think you should stand up.

And so, we'd arrived...

At the last exit, the final whistle...

Well...

and that's when it happened.

Honey, fix your collar.

It was... Weird.

[ Pooh-Pooh barking ]

Pooh-Pooh, stop that!

I thought pooh-pooh only barked at you, daddy.

It was horrible.

Down, pooh-pooh, down!

It was amazing.

Almost as if pooh-pooh knew

I was about to join the ranks of Aidem men.

[ Barking continues ]

And then, from out of nowhere...

I swear I heard it.

[ Dog howling ]

It was a clear and clarion call.

And I knew what I had to do.

No!

It was now or never.

Julie, I can't do this.

I just can't!

I like wearing my collar down!

And I hate wearing striped shirts!

And I don't like cookies!

I don't want to spend every minute with you!

I like hanging out with the guys.

I'm a hunter and a warrior.

And what about the mastodons?

Okay, maybe I got a little carried away

about the mastodon thing.

But I wasn't just speaking for myself.

I was speaking for all mankind, for Ben,

and even for Duke, wherever he was.

I just... I can't do it, Julie.

We can't go steady.

[ Gasps ]

And then it was over.

Except for one thing.

I think you better go, Kev.

Good idea.

Man fire maker...

Toolmaker...

Thinker of complex thoughts...

Noble, curious, dignified.

Over the next few weeks, I rejoined my tribe.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

And in a lot of ways, I was back where I belonged.

All right!

[ Horn honks ]

All right, guys. Come on. Let's go, let's go.

I'll be right back.

Still, I guess I knew

there was still some unfinished business,

between Ben and me at least.

Hey, Ben.

Hey, Kevin.

I thought that was you.

You look pretty good out there.

Thanks!

So... How's Julie?

Oh, she found a new guy. They're going steady.

[ Scoffs ] No kidding.

Yeah, he looks great in stripes.

I bet.

Hey, you got the car out on a Thursday, huh?

Yeah, I thought I'd go a little crazy.

And in a way,

I couldn't help thinking I had something to do with it.

Well... It was nice seeing you again.

Hey, Kevin.

One day, you're gonna see.

What's that?

It's not that bad...

Having people who care for you, you know?

I guess Ben understood something.

Something I'd learn... In time.

Come on, Kev. Let's go.

Thanks.

I'll keep that in mind.

But me?

I was just a 16-year-old guy.

And the way I saw it...

There were still a lot of mastodons yet to be slayed.

- Break! - Break!

Okay, come on. Let's go.

Okay, you guys.

[ Horn honks ]

[ Barks ]

[ Dog howling ]

[ Pooh-pooh barks ]

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