Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? ?Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Somebody who knows quite sure ?

? Baby ?

? By with a little help from my friends ?

? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

Every culture has its own rites of passage,

ways of marking that leap from childhood...

To manhood.

Complex rituals, weird dances,

acts of courage and survival.

It's a tradition as old as civilization or...

As recent as crabgrass.

Fact... in the suburbs,

a boy's first steps towards manhood

start behind a lawnmower.

Hey, Kevin!

Watch where you're going. You missed a patch.

Sorry, Dad.

Still, for me, at 16, lawn care had given way

to something much, much more important.

[ Horn honks ]

The driver's license.

[ Horn honks ]

The thing that separates the boys...

Lucky stiff.

From the men.

And so on and so forth.

Kev!

What the hell are you doing there?

I was just...

you're burning a hole in the yard.

Right, Dad.

And don't forget to put the mower away when you're finished.

Okay, I will!

[ Engine idling ]

But the truth was, by the spring of 10th grade,

it was time to put the mower in mothballs.

Forget the crabgrass.

Make the jump from two cylinders...

[ Brakes squeal ]

To real horsepower.

[ Brakes squeal, thump ]

[ Sighs ]

Okay, now, Miss Pedermeir, let's try it again.

Okay.

Only this time, easy on the brake, okay?

Which one's the brake?

Driver's ed...

the final demarcation line between those who could...

And those who probably shouldn't.

Easy gas.

[ Brakes squeal ] Easy brake.

Easy gas.

[ Brakes squeal, thump ]

By the second week of on-the-road training,

one thing was becoming clear.

Look... old gum.

Yeah? [ Chuckles ] What flavor?

When it came to operating a motor vehicle,

these other kids were gonna need a lot of help.

That's fine for today, miss Pedermeir.

I thought you said we were gonna do freeways.

I want to do freeways!

Fortunately, in this car full of jokers,

the coach had one ace up his sleeve.

Arnold... You ready?

Sure am.

A man...

Who was born to drive.

Nice Lane change.

Well, I did my best.

And, put simply,

my best was a lot better than anyone else's.

I'd like everyone to note how Arnold here

looked over his left shoulder before merging.

That's, uh, this one, Slovoski.

[ Chuckles ]

And look at that hand position...

a perfect 10:00 and 2:00.

The motor-vehicle people are gonna be looking for that.

Thanks, coach.

Yeah, I didn't want to brag, but let's face it,

I had it all... the reflexes, the instincts, the timing...

the whole repertoire.

Well, almost the whole repertoire.

Okay, we got a couple of minutes here,

so why don't we jump ahead to our next section?

Parallel parking.

It will be on your road test.

I repeat, it will be on the test.

[Chuckles]You almost had to feel sorry for the poor saps.

Arnold, why don't we show 'em how it's done?

She's all yours.

Sure.

'Course, it was only right I should be the first.

Left hand at noon.

Right arm over the bench.

After all, I was the natural.

Now, ease her on in.

Yep, here it was... the final frontier.

You got it.

The last thing standing between me and the open road.

Get this, and I was home free.

And that's when it happened.

What happened?

You knocked over a cone! He knocked over a cone!

I did?

You creamed it!

[ Laughter ]

Wow!

'Course, it could have happened to anybody.

Still, for some reason, it rattled me.

Let me do that again.

[ School bell rings ]

Sorry. We're out of time.

We'll try it again next time.

See you all on Thursday!

Oh.

And that was that.

A small miscalculation... nothing more.

Not even worth a second thought.

So? You ran over a cone. What's the big deal?

Okay, two thoughts, but that's all.

Yeah, it's not like you ran over

someone's pet schnauzer or anything. [ Chuckles ]

That's disgusting.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Listen, I don't know what you're so worried about, Kevin.

You're a really good driver. I've seen you.

Thanks.

'Course, he's never seen you park.

[ Laughs ]

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing. It's a joke.

Boy, Kev, are you jumpy!

Come on, I mean, anybody could flub up

the first couple times they parallel-park.

- Right? - Absolutely.

Trouble was, this wasn't just anybody we were talking about.

This was... Me.

Hey, I never said "a couple of times."

It was once, okay? So let's drop it!

Fine.

Besides, no one's ever failed their driver's test

just 'cause they couldn't parallel-park, right?

Right.

Right.

And there you had it.

Solid logic...

In theory, anyway.

Okay, we'll try it again.

Left hand at noon.

Right arm over the bench.

You ready, Arnold?

Ha!

Got it.

'Course I was ready.

Slovoski, move your head!

I was just a little... Tense, that's all.

After all, I had a reputation at stake here.

Still, with the proper amount of concentration...

You got it.

Plus the old God-given natural instincts...

You got it.

Yeah. What a comeback.

From here on in, it was gonna be smooth sailin'.

[ Bell clanging, ship horn blows ]

If you didn't mind swimming to the curb.

He missed! [ Laughs ]

Good, Arnold!

Maybe next time, we can try parking the rest of the car.

[ Laughter ]

Hmm.

That weekend, for some reason,

the old lawnmower felt kind of... Good, familiar.

Not like driving.

Kevin?

I know, I know. I'm putting it away.

Nah, we got to go pick up new shower doors.

Oh.

Here... you drive.

Oh.

You got your driver's test coming up.

You want to practice, don't you?

Sure, but, uh...

'Course, any other day, I'd have jumped at the chance

to hit the road in Dad's gas-guzzler, but...

I don't know, Dad. Maybe I'll just stay here.

Why? Something wrong?

No! No, it's just...

I should've told him.

I should've told him... But I didn't.

Never mind.

Then come on. Let's go.

I don't know.

Maybe I just needed some time to think it over.

Not bad.

You're okay.

Thanks.

Or maybe I needed a little confidence-building

from the big man.

In any event, by the time we reached town,

I was back on my game again, ready for anything.

Why don't you pull her in over there?

Yikes.

Go ahead. Slip her in.

Uh... Sure.

I'm on it, Dad.

'Course, this was no time to panic. I knew that.

This was simple...

just a matter of wedging 2 tons of steel

in a 12x4 parking space.

Nothing to it.

Nope.

All I had to do was think it through calmly...

Rationally.

And that's when I made my fatal mistake.

I thought about it a second too long.

Kev?

Huh?

What are you waiting for?

Uh...

[ Horn honks ]

Nothing.

But as I sat there, completely paralyzed,

I knew one thing.

Only a miracle was gonna get me out of this now.

[ Horn honks ]

Or... A 1970 Volkswagen super beetle.

What does that guy think he's doing?

Didn't he see the blinker?

Idiot shouldn't be allowed on the road.

Tell me about it.

[ Sighs ]

Well, then, just... Go around.

Sure, Dad.

[ Horn honks ]

But even though I'd escaped this time,

the truth seemed clearer than ever.

Instead of living life in the fast Lane,

I was doomed to spend the rest of mine...

circling the block.

Coming of age in suburbia...

the ritual, the ceremony, the grandeur.

[ Horn honks ]

For anybody who could parallel-park, anyway.

With my driver's test only a few days away...

Hey, Kevin.

Don't forget to put that away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was beginning to seem

like the only wheels I'd ever be in charge of

would come with a leaf bag and a mulch attachment.

Okay, now, ease her on in.

And... Perfect.

The thing was, the harder I tried, the worse things got.

Good, Grutner.

Guess you could say

it was starting to affect my self-image.

That's almost everyone.

Your turn, Bo Peep.

[ Laughs ]

[ "Mary had a little lamb" plays ]

It was clear if I was gonna pull out of this,

I needed to re-establish my territory,

assert my masculinity.

The question was, how?

Hi, Kevin.

Hello!

Jessica. Hi.

Jessica Thomas...

just the kind of woman who could turn a man around.

I, uh, was wondering

if I could borrow your bio notes from yesterday?

And I had something she wanted.

Sure.

So, you, uh... Busy Friday night?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Well, there's a dance. Want to go?

I'm not big on dances.

Or... We could ditch it.

I might have plans.

Cancel 'em.

Okay, it was a risk, but...

All right. I will.

Bingo!

So, Friday, then?

Friday.

Yes. I saw the Mountain, and I took it.

So pick me up at 8:00? You can park the car out front.

Park?

Car?

And honk?

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no!

[ Sheep bleating ]

[ "Mary had a little lamb" plays ]

[ Sighs ]

I've come to take my road test.

Now.

I'd had it.

I wasn't gonna spend the rest of my life as a shepherdess.

Take a seat. Wait your turn.

Okay. Be rude about it. I didn't care.

It was time to take the bull by the horns...

No matter who was watching.

Vogel!

And the thing is,

now that I was there, I actually felt kind of calm.

Donlevy!

No question about it.

From here on in, it was just a matter of time.

[ Clock ticking ]

Eckhart!

[ Ticking continues ]

Reardon!

Uh-huh.

Nothing to do but wait.

[ Ticking continues ]

Chang!

[Clears throat]

Any minute now.

[ Ticking intensifies ]

Burns!

And then the wheels came off.

Arnold?

[ Ticking stops, bell tolling ]

[ Breathes deeply ]

Now, I swear to you... I swear I was ready.

To the deepest fiber in my being,

I was focused, confident, I was...

good luck.

I was out of there.

- Excuse me! - Hey!

- Ow! Watch it! - Careful!

Oh. Finished, honey?

Yeah. Come on.

How'd it go?

Piece of cake.

You heard it.

[ Door closes, echoes ]

Piece of cake.

Congratulations, Kev.

You did it, honey.

Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.

This is really... Great.

But it was horrible.

I was a failure and a liar... In front of my whole family.

Well, let's see it, butthead.

See what?

The driver's license. Where is it?

Uh...

You didn't lose it already, did you?

No! No!

I just left it

in my other pants... in my other wallet.

Besides, it's just a temporary.

I can't believe it.

I can still remember your father

teaching you to ride a bike.

Now you're driving.

I guess I didn't expect you kids to grow up so fast.

I couldn't believe it.

My parents were getting spongy on me,

washing away in sentimentality.

So there was only one thing to say.

I got to go to the bathroom.

Not... So... Fast.

Yeah, Dad?

Here.

Your mother and I got you something.

You're gonna need these.

It's your own set of keys to the car.

Ah, geez.

Thanks.

I'm proud of you, son.

Yeah.

I couldn't get to sleep that night.

I kept thinking about my future...

how I was gonna grow up, go to college, raise a family,

and be the only all-pro quarterback

who ever had to ride his bicycle to the super bowl.

I'm proud of you, son.

I can't believe it.

It's your own set of keys to the car.

You did it, honey.

The driver's license. Where is it?

Your turn, Bo Peep.

Proud of you, son... Proud of you, son...

[ Sheep bleating ]

[ Breathes deeply ]

[ Dog barks in distance ]

And that's when I knew what I had to do.

Like the young warrior cast out into the darkness of the jungle

to prove his manhood,

I was going to learn how to parallel-park

the only way I knew how...

alone.

[ Sighs ] This is it.

Sure, I was committing grand-theft auto,

but there was a greater need here.

I had to take the chance, and I had to do it now.

And the path was clear ahead.

[ Metal crunches ]

[ Dog barks ]

Or so I thought.

At that moment, I hit rock bottom.

I couldn't drive. I couldn't park.

I couldn't even remember to put away my father's lawnmower.

I didn't think I could feel any worse.

[ Door opens ]

Hey! Who's out there?

Except then I did.

The funny thing is, for a second,

I actually thought about running for my life.

What the hell's going on here?

But somehow I guess I knew... I just couldn't run anymore.

It was time to face the truth.

I don't know how to park.

I lied about my license.

I never took the test.

[ Keys jingle ]

Here.

Take 'em. I don't want 'em.

And maybe in that moment, I learned something...

About being a man.

Yeah, you do.

Come on. Let's go.

Where?

You got to start somewhere.

And I learned it...

From the guy who wrote the book.

[ Car door opens, closes ]

Little bit more.

That's good.

All right. All right. All right, now.

Straighten it out, straighten it out.

Good! Good! All right!

That night, my Dad taught me a lot.

How to parallel-park...

Why you put away the lawnmower...

And, in some small way, what it takes to grow up.

That Monday, he took the afternoon off,

and we went and got my license.

He was so proud.

Then he took it away and grounded me for a month.

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