Original subtitles

Hit your lights!

[ Engine turns over ]

Adolescence is kind of a screwy time...

[ Engine revs ]

A time of hope and confusion.

[ Tires screech ]

It's a race to find out who you really are.

But if there's one thing every teenager knows, it's this...

stated simply...

if you want to be a star...

[ Tires screech ]

You got to have a car.

[ Screams ]

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? -? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Somebody who knows quite sure ?

? Baby ?

? By with a little help from my friends ?

? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

? Little GTO ?

? You're really looking fine ?

Cars... the ultimate dream of every red-blooded American kid.

Cars meant freedom, status, maturity.

If you were old enough to drive,

the world was your oyster.

But if you weren't...

Your world was more of a sardine,

to really stretch an analogy.

Excuse me, can you move your... Instrument?

Without wheels, life was one indignity after another...

This bus smells like lunch.

Tell me about it.

Ooh, I think I'll stick around here for awhile.

A series of humiliations.

Will you move? Can't take you anywhere.

And faced with these constant embarrassments,

you look for any small way to elevate your status.

So, what are you guys doing this weekend?

What about you?

I got a date Friday night.

All right, Kevin!

The trick was to keep your friends jealous.

So, uh, how you, uh, getting there?

My Mom's driving us.

[ Both laugh ]

Whoa. Walk on the wild side.

Yeah. Tell your Mom not to look in the rear-view mirror.

[ Both laugh ]

Fact was, we all knew the bottom line...

to be truly free and functioning high school men,

what we needed... Was a car.

Okay, you're coming up to a four-way stop.

What we had was Ricky Halsenbach,

the first kid in our class to turn 16.

Four way stop. I'm there.

All cars arrive at the same time.

Same time. I'm there.

Now... Which car has the right-of-way?

[ "Jeopardy!" Theme plays ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Chuckles ] I don't know!

[ Scoffs ] The car on your right!

By quirk of fate,

and the fact that he'd repeated 3rd grade twice,

our ticket to ride was riding on his ill-equipped shoulders.

We know you can do it, Ricky.

[ Scoffs ]

I can't do it!

I just got too much stuff going on in my head.

- Interesting theory. - [ Chuckles ]

Look, Ricky, if you get your license,

you won't ever have to beg for a ride again.

We'll be the coolest guys in 10th grade!

Yeah, the chicks will be climbing all over us!

[ Chuckles ]

Ask me another one.

Okay.

You're going 40 Miles an hour.

How many car lengths should you allow

between you and the car in front of you?

Whoa.

Huh. That's a good question.

[ Buzzer sounds ]

It was almost too much to bear.

[ Gears grinding ]

Here we were,

poised to leap into the stratosphere of manhood...

Sorry.

[ Tires screech ]

And we couldn't even get out of the parking lot.

Huh. S-sorry.

Is this as bad as it looks?

Well, I think he's killed every one of those orange cones.

Well, he's still got a chance.

I got him at about an 81.

Sorry!

All right, Mr. Halsenbach.

Oh, you can call me Ricky.

Just give me a three-point turn, and we're done.

[ Gears grinding ]

This much seemed clear...

when it came to hitching our wagon to a star...

We'd picked the wrong wagon.

Uh. Uh, sorry.

Man! This is an embarrassment!

Unbelievable!

We stood there, knowing it was a lost cause

but clinging desperately to some hope for a miracle.

There you are, Mr. Halsenbach.

And then... The miracle occurred.

[ Beethoven's "symphony no. 9" plays ]

- Yes! - Yes! -Yes!

Yeah!

Call it chance, call it error.

The state had entrusted Ricky Halsenbach

with a 2-ton lethal weapon on an open highway.

And we... Were on our way.

And did you see my three-point turn?

Yeah, they're still talking about it!

Ow!

Sure, maybe we were still sardines,

but at least we knew we were about to bust out of our can.

Looks like... We're cruising for chicks. -Yeah.

- We can go anywhere we want. - Yeah!

And everybody's gonna see us!

Especially the chicks.

And there you had it.

Rising up before us was the dawn of a new era...

[ Theme from "Hawaii five-O" plays ]

An era of freedom...

an era of adventure...

an era of fun.

And my Mom said I can have the car Friday night!

[ Crash! ]

An era of bad timing.

Friday night? This Friday night?

What's wrong?

I told you! I have a date!

Look, you can have a date any Friday night.

What am I supposed to do about Cindy?

Easy. Dump her.

I can't do that!

Kevin, this is everything we've ever dreamed of!

We're talking us, the guys, in a car!

Don't you get it? This is cool.

And of course, faced with logic of that caliber,

there was really only one thing to do.

Your grandmother?

Lie.

Uh, yeah. I'm such an idiot.

I completely forgot she was coming to visit.

Oh. Well...

You know, she hasn't been well.

S-she's got this bad, uh... Liver!

Oh.

And so her...

you know, her... Liver has been acting up.

Maybe it was because I was nervous,

or maybe it was because I was dissecting a frog,

but the word "liver" seemed to pop up frequently.

Anyway, my mother wants us all home Friday night

to be with my grandmother and her... Liver.

Maybe I could take a rain check?

Sure! That'd be great!

Great!

There. Artfully done.

Now there was nothing standing between me, the guys,

and the open road.

Where are you going?

Nothing except a little game of 20 questions.

We haven't decided yet.

Well, who's driving, honey?

No one.

Well... Ricky Halsenbach.

Oh, yeah.

I know him.

Right! You know Ricky.

He's that dopey-looking kid. He's an idiot.

Jack.

Come on, Dad, he's a very good driver.

I don't know about this.

[ Thud, metal scraping ]

He did really well on his driver's test.

You should see this guy parallel park.

Jack, we have to go.

Just don't forget your curfew's at 11:00, honey.

I won't.

Have a nice night!

[ Horn honks ]

And so the last obstacle had been cleared.

It was time to hit the road in our very own set of wheels.

Let's do it!

Sure, maybe the wheels belonged to Ricky's mother,

but the night belonged to us.

And the possibilities seemed endless...

[ Metal rattling ]

What's that smell?

As soon as Ricky released the parking brake.

So, uh, where we going?

What do you mean, "where are we going"?

Well, what? Does it matter?

Well, we ought to go somewhere.

Why?

Hey, how about a movie?

Come on. That is definitely uncool.

It is?

Nobody's gonna see us at a movie.

Look, Ricky, the whole point of driving around is...

Driving around.

I know. Hey, but have you guys seen "Willard"?

I don't know how they get those rats to do those things.

It was our first crisis.

We were momentarily floundering,

like baby eagles freshly sprung from the nest.

What we needed here was a sign,

inspiration, direction.

[ Engine revving ]

Whoa.

Nice wheels!

- Hey. - Hey.

Hey.

What we got was...

- Moon patrol! -Moon patrol! - Moon patrol!

[ Laughter ]

[ Violins screeching ]

[ Tires screech ]

Pressed hams.

[ Wolf howls ]

? Little GTO ?

That night, as we drove around,

we began to understand the awesome responsibility

of having a car. Chinese fire drill!

[ Horn honking ]

? Listen to her whi-i-i-ne ?

? Come on and turn it on, wind it up, blow it out, GTO ?

We were exploring the uncharted regions

of our new frontier...

[ Horn honks ]

And laying on the horn a lot.

Still, we knew we were preparing ourselves

for something much, much more meaningful.

Come on, guys. Let's go pick up some chicks!

- Yeah, chicks! - Women!

Chicks... the reason God invented cars.

So, where are they?

- Man, they're everywhere. - Yeah!

Just waiting to jump on us, grab us, smother us.

It was an awesome thought.

So, where are they?

Hmm. Good question.

Fortunately, there was an answer... Zesty's,

the place to go for burgers, fries, and...

Whoa! Check out the Hooters!

Man, can't take you anywhere.

Still, the fact remained,

if it was girls we were looking for...

Okay, we found 'em.

Well, now what do we do?

Hmm. Good question.

Four chocolate shakes, two onion rings,

two fries, and extra ketchup.

And there was nothing left to do

but stand around, look good, and get noticed.

Kevin?

Hi!

Cindy?

What are you doing here?

Uh...

Somehow, I had a feeling

"checking out the hooters" wasn't gonna fly.

Getting shakes.

See, here they are.

Oh.

Is your grandmother here?

My grandmother?

Yeah.

Liver!

Oh! No. She's back at home because of...

- Liver! - ...Her liver.

Yeah, I'm... I'm just... Here with my cousins.

And we have to get back with the shakes.

Look, they're melting, see?

Well, if you're with relatives,

uh... I guess I'll see you on Monday?

Uh... Yeah! Monday!

After all, no reason to dally.

See ya later.

The best thing to do was amscray

before she discovered who my cousins...

Hey, hey, hey, ba-by!

Really were.

Hey, Kevin? Who's the fox?

- Ow! - Introduce us, man!

Yeah. Come bring her over here! We got room!

She didn't actually say anything.

Her face did all the talking.

Looking good!

It said my rain check had been revoked. Permanently.

Let's get out of here!

What's the matter with you?

Nothing! Just let's get out of here!

Open the door, will ya?

Hey, where's my corn dog?

Yeah, and you only got two orders of onion rings.

Will you just open the stupid door?!

- Kev! - Here!

You're getting the shakes all over me, man!

Good. Now, come on, Ricky, drive.

[ Car door shuts ]

[ Engine turns over ]

Sheesh. What a grouch.

The night was still young,

but somehow this adventure wasn't panning out

quite the way we'd imagined.

Not only that, our car was starting to smell.

Just 10 more minutes, and I could have had any girl there.

Just when did you lose touch with reality?

Did you see the way they were looking at me, huh?

They couldn't believe your shirt!

Will you guys just can it for awhile?

- What's eating you? - Nothing!

I just can't believe I broke a date for this, that's all.

Surely these guys could understand that.

After all, they were reasonably intelligent human beings.

You guys ever wonder how onion rings got their name?

On the other hand...

No.

I mean, I think about that stuff sometimes.

And what about hamburgers?

I mean, there's no ham in them, you know?

What about submarine sandwiches? And eggplant?

Just think about your driving.

Let's face it... on the main street of life,

we'd just about reached a dead end.

And then...

Hey, look! There's those guys!

Uhoh. I hope they don't moon us again.

Hey! Hey, we don't want to see it!

[ Engine revs ]

But it seemed clear there was more at stake here

than just pressed hams.

What does he want?

[ Engine revving ] He wants to drag.

Drag?

[ Engine revs ]

- Do it, Ricky. - But my Mom said...

come on, man, just do it!

You're on!

Let's do it! [ Engine revs ]

And that's when it happened.

As we sat there, the roar of a 185-horsepower engine

pulsing beneath our bodies,

our basic primal nature began to erupt.

Let's take 'em, Ricky.

I'm there.

We weren't boys anymore.

We were outlaws, rebels,

guys with guts.

And we knew what we had to do.

[ Tires screech ]

What are you doing?!

There's a stop sign.

Will you go?! We can still take 'em!

But it's a commercial zone. 35 Miles per hour.

Those guys were speeding!

Of course they were speeding! This is a drag race! Now go!

Fortunately, our driver was a law-abiding citizen.

Oh, no. [ Horn honks ]

Four cars, four-way stop.

Will you guys just get real? This race is over.

Yeah, thanks to Halsenbach.

I don't even know why the hell we're hanging around with you!

Hey, 'cause it's my car!

Yeah, that's the only reason we'd be hanging out

with a bozo like you. Hey, you're the bozo.

I'm the bozo? You're the bozo.

- No, I'm not! - You're both bozos!

You're all bozos!

You're the biggest bozo!

You can't even drive! You're a bozo.

What do you mean, "it's a four-way stop sign"?!

We were reaching critical mass, here.

Our night was wearing thin.

So was our vocabulary.

[ All shouting ]

[ Horn honks ]

- Wussies! - Wussies! -Wussies!

It was the final straw.

If we were to hold on to our dignity,

we had to strike back.

Let's moon somebody.

[ Fanfare plays ] Yeah. Good idea.

Perfect.

All right!

It was time to take our rightful place

among men of the road.

We were gonna take revenge

on the first victim that came our way.

All right! Do it! Do it!

- Just one little problem. - Whoa!

- Moon patrol! - [ Laughs ]

[ Violins screeching ]

[ Laughter ]

Did you see that guy's face?!

Well, my eyes weren't looking in the direction!

Man, he was having a cow!

And his wife was like, "uh!"

Will you guys just shut up?!

What's your problem?

Well, for starters, that was my Mom and Dad.

It was?

Yeah. You guys just mooned my parents.

You're kidding.

Hey, we all wanted to do it.

Yeah, but it was you

who had your butt hanging out the window!

Oh, come on. Like how was I supposed to know?

See, this is great. This is just great.

You know it's real great hanging out with a bunch of morons!

You know where that word comes from, Ricky!

I mean, this is the stupidest, dumbest night of my life!

I mean, I don't even know

why I agreed to come with you guys in the first place.

Can anyone tell me why?!

It was the kind of question that could only be answered

by a Nobel Prize-winning philosopher.

I know!

Or a guy like Ricky Halsenbach.

It's because they're round, like rings!

And they've got onions in them.

That's why they call 'em onion rings!

- What? - What?

Looking back, it made about as much sense

as anything else that night.

Let's just go home, guys.

Yeah, let's get out of here.

Why not? We were veterans. We'd paid our dues.

We'd mooned and been mooned. And now...

[ Engine sputters, stops ] Uhoh.

What's the matter?

We're out of gas.

Hey, can you guys believe tonight?

- The worst. - Yeah, no kidding.

We didn't really accomplish anything that night.

Nothing of any real importance, anyway.

But through the high school years that lay ahead,

there would be a thousand other nights just like that one...

stupid, ridiculous...

And glorious.

Hey, I can get the car again, next Friday.

- I'm there. - Me too. Wouldn't miss it.

? Little GTO ?

? You're really lookin' fine ?

? Three deuces and a four-speed and a 389 ?

? Listen to her tachin' up now ?

? Listen to her whi-i-i-ne ?

? Come on and turn it on, wind it up, blow it out, GTO ?

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