Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? -? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Somebody who knows quite sure ?

? Baby ?

? By with a little help from my friends ?

? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

[ The platters' "only you" plays ]

Poets say love comes and goes in a heartbeat.

Unfortunately, in high school, it goes more than it comes.

Still, in my high school, there was one couple

whose love soared above all others like a winged chariot.

[ Tires screech ]

The guy guys feared.

The girl girls talked about.

Denise Lavelle and Francis Stanavukovic.

Those things will kill you.

So will you.

Better known as "Frank the stank"

and "Denise the grease."

Frank and Denise weren't the cutest couple in school

or the most popular.

And they definitely weren't the most likely to succeed.

But they lived in a special world,

where vows were made, promises kept,

and hearts were never broken.

[ Crowd cheering ]

? You are my destiny ?

They had a bond between them that you could almost see,

a bond that seemed to strengthen them

in everything they did.

They were a constant in a changing universe,

something rock-solid.

A living monument to love.

? One and only you ?

Love. Ha.

Love, my little untutored charges, is a joke,

a sham, and never what it appears to be.

Weird Mr. Lemkur...

couture by salvation army, posture by Quasimodo.

Words were his only passion,

boring us with them his only joy.

And now let's see what Keats has to say on the subject,

shall we?

With all respect to the great poets,

third-period English left one or two things to be desired.

Denise the grease was both of them.

"Dark Violet eyes and parted hair,

"soft dimpled hands, white neck, and creamy breast

are things on which the dazzled senses rest."

And what was Keats saying here, hmm?

Kevin.

Me?

You.

Well...

He's s-saying that, uh...

C-creamy...

Oh, boy.

That, you know, it's... it's all kind of...

Dazzling.

Right.

Now, about the poems I assigned for your report.

Uh, Miss Lavelle...

Would, uh, you recite what swift has to say about amour?

Why not?

I trust you intend to finish our class this term?

Third time's the charm.

Last year it was mono. What was it the year before?

Female problems.

[ Clears throat ] Right.

Hey, you had to admit...

she had a certain way about her.

"Modern love is no such thing"

"as what those ancient poets sing."

"A fire celestial, chaste, refined..."

And even if none of us knew what she was saying,

who cared?

"...which having found an equal flame,"

"unites, and both become the same."

"In different breasts together burn..."

"Together both to ashes turn.

"But women now feel no such fire,

and only know the gross desire."

I couldn't believe my eyes.

Denise the grease was crying.

There.

You see? You see?

You see?

Swift knew what he was talking about!

And the strange thing was,

even though I didn't know much more about her

than the color of her bra strap,

I suddenly wanted to reach out and comfort her.

But who was I to talk to her?

Calvin!

Unless... She talked to you first.

I have to do a report on that poem.

You really understood it, didn't you?

Now, of course, I didn't even understand the title, but...

Uh...

Well, most of it.

Can you help me out with something?

Sure.

You know where he says,

"laid all the fault on t'other sex"?

Uhhuh.

Do you think that's the crux of what he's saying?

That men and women blame each other for everything?

Let me see here. What did "crux" mean again?

Yeah.

Heck, I'd have said yes to anything.

Denise the grease was talking to me,

Calvin Arnold.

So if you had to sum up what swift is saying,

how would you do it?

Uh, well...

He's just talking about the whole...

Man-woman... Woman-man thing.

Right. Right.

Even in swift's time, love has always been...

love's always been what?

Uh...

A hassle.

Well, you got that right.

Look, we got to talk.

We do?

Not you, dirt clod!

I know we got to talk.

I've been telling you we got to talk all day.

Well, so let's talk.

Which, as I saw it, was my cue to exit stage left.

Right now I'm talking with my friend.

About what?

About things you obviously don't understand.

Really?

Try me.

Okay.

We were just discussing "Cadenus and Vanessa."

Right.

It's a poem.

Right.

By Jonathan swift.

Yeah, I know him.

- You do? - Yeah.

Swift... he's the guy

who was the guy before he became the flash.

An honest mistake.

He's the guy who said,

"the judge discovered in her face

resentments for her late disgrace."

All right. What is this crap?

I'm not gonna listen to that kind of language.

Thanks for your help, Calvin.

And that was that... a fruitful exchange...

Denise, wait up.

All things considered.

Unbelievable. [ Cash register dings ]

What was I supposed to do? Ignore her?

Yes!

Frank put a guy in the hospital

just for looking at her in ocean city last year.

Unbelievable.

So this isn't America? I can't talk to who I want?

It's hard to talk without your teeth.

[ Scoffs ] Unbelievable.

Ah, what did these guys know?

So I'd spoken to Denise. So what?

After all, we had a history now.

We were practically... Soul mates.

And if I wanted to talk to her, I would.

And if I didn't, then I...

hey, Calvin.

[ Dishes clatter ]

How's it going?

Not bad.

The more I read it, the more I understand.

It's like... it's like love is on trial.

Uhhuh.

And when swift says, "mortals here disdain to love,"

it's like he's saying the whole thing's a sham...

like there is no true love.

Right?

Uh...

Hey, when in doubt, say...

Sure. Of course.

I like talking to you.

You heard it... she liked talking to me.

- What'd she say?! - What'd she say?!

Of course, a gentleman didn't discuss these things.

She said she liked talking to me.

- [ Sighs ] - Unbelievable.

Still, the fact remained...

I, Calvin, had talked to Denise the grease,

and the sky hadn't fallen.

No hand had reached out from the heavens and...

[ grunting ]

You talked to Denise.

Well...

- Shh. Shh. Shh. - ...Kind of.

This is my favorite part.

? Save my love through loneliness ?

? Save my love for sorrow ?

? I've given you my onliness ?

? Give me your tomorrow ?

[ Sighs ]

[ Radio turns off ]

I love that song.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah. Denise.

[ Grunts ]

Look.

Denise is out of her gourd. She won't talk to me.

For some dumb-cluck reason, she talks to you.

Then I'll never talk to her again, I swear!

Yes, you will.

II will?

Yeah.

I want you to talk to her for me.

Oh, my God. I was gonna live.

Wasn't I?

Hi. Welcome to Fatso's. Can I take your order?

Hello? Hello?

Get out there!

Hello. Denise?

Hi. This is Kevin.

You know, Calvin Kevin, from poetry class?

Hey, Calvin! What you doing?

Oh, just... Hanging out.

So, what can I do for you?

Well, I'd like some fries and a root beer...

come on.

Say, I was just wondering...

Why won't you talk to Frank anymore?

Not that it's any of my business,

but it might be, you know, helpful,

if you could just maybe say, you know, why.

Gee, Cal, that's kind of tough.

I guess it's 'cause Frank is a big, dumb fat-head

who obviously can't talk for himself.

Denise!

I don't believe this.

[ Tires screech ]

And once again, I was about to find myself...

In the middle.

Just what are you trying to pull?

I want to know what's going on, Denise.

Why won't you talk to me? There's nothing more to talk about.

- Uh, maybe I should... - Shut up.

Right.

Look, what the hell is the...

what is the matter with you?

You gonna throw away everything we got?

Frank, like the poet said,

"she knew in our degenerate days

"bare virtue could not live on praise,

that meat must be with money bought."

Okay?

Huh?

Huh?

Calvin understands. Don't you?

Oh, w-well...

The... Meat...

Look! Get out of here and let us talk!

Fine with me.

After all, I'd done my part... gotten them together.

So whatever the problem was,

it was time for them to work it out.

I never want to talk to you again.

Aah!

Or not.

[ Tires screech ]

It's like talking to a brick wall.

And I guess that's when I realized a horrible truth.

You'll patch things up.

There's a lot you don't know about me and Frank.

You're gonna need a ride home.

Like it or not, I was along for this ride.

[ The platters' "only you" plays ]

? Only you... ?

Pretty, isn't it?

? ...can make this world seem right ?

Uh...

Frank gave it to me on our first date.

I was 14.

I never take it off, not even in the shower.

No kidding.

? Only you ?

And especially if there's a game.

He says I bring him luck.

Hasn't brung me much lately.

Course, I knew I had to do something

to ease her pain.

Look.

Frank...

You know, he's a... Good guy.

Really.

He's a...

Good... Good guy.

And then, from somewhere...

I don't know... it just came to me.

Love is a river, flowing where we know not.

Of course, I felt completely idiotic.

That's beautiful.

On the other hand...

The wound is deep, yet the river is wide.

I guess it is.

Thanks.

You're sweet.

And in that moment, I knew beyond a doubt

that things were gonna be okay...

for all of us.

Anyway...

I'll see you in school tomorrow, right?

[ Electricity crackling ]

Take care.

[ Engine turns over ]

Maybe it was a dream.

Or maybe I was crazy.

Maybe Denise the grease only knew one way to kiss.

? My one and only you ?

Or maybe the most voluptuous girl at McKinley high...

Had just fallen for Calvin Arnold.

The most significant relationship in our high school

was coming unglued.

It was hard to tell who it was tougher on...

Denise...

Frank...

[ Indistinct shouting ]

[ Spectators booing ]

Or yours truly.

Calvin is the one who helped me see what swift is saying.

Uhhuh, uh-huh.

And what is Mr. swift saying in "Cadenus and Vanessa"?

[ Sighs ] Well...

He's saying that love is a heavenly thing

and that humans are human.

And they mess everything up

because they're stuck-up and shallow.

And even the gods can't fix it.

Which is why, personally, I never married.

But I think swift missed the boat.

I-I like what Emerson has to say.

"When half-gods go, the gods arrive."

Uhhuh. Yeah.

Which means?

When you lose something that means a lot,

something better comes along.

It was horrible.

One little, unsolicited kiss,

and suddenly my life was on the line.

So I determined then and there

never to tell another human being

what had happened between Denise and me.

You kissed Denise the grease?

Unbelievable.

You don't expect us to swallow this, do you?

Okay. I told two people.

Her gum was in my mouth!

- Unbelievable! - Get off it!

No way a chick like Denise

is gonna go for a dingleberry like him.

Calvin.

I have a huge favor to ask.

I have to go to work.

I can't face him anyway,

not after that fight we had yesterday.

Just give him this.

He'll know what it means.

I got to go.

Thanks.

You broke up the stank and the grease.

Geez, Kevin. Bad karma.

But it wasn't my karma I was worried about.

It was my skin.

[ Metal clanking ]

There was only one thing to do...

have this out, man-to-man.

Then run like crazy.

Frank?

What?

About Denise... [ Tire iron clangs ]

What about Denise?

But there was really no way to say it.

The pain I felt.

For them.

Not to mention me.

[ Sighs ]

I think you should talk to her.

You know...

Put things right.

Talk to her?

Oh, I told her she was kicking my heart's butt.

Well, you couldn't put it more eloquently than that.

Except then Frank did.

"There are dark, bitter places in a dark, cold floor."

I beg your pardon.

[ Sighs ]

It's from one of her stupid books.

[ Sighs ]

She really likes that stuff, doesn't she?

And of course, that's when it hit me.

Welcome to Fatso's. Can I take your order?

Uh, just read it, right?

Hello?

Uh...

"G-give all to love."

[ Chuckles ] If this didn't grab her,

then I didn't know Denise the grease.

Who is this? I'm not amused, jerk.

State your order or move on.

Hmm.

[ Sighs ] This ain't me.

Frank?

Look, Denise...

I got nothing to say to you.

Well, I got something to say to you!

Poetry had failed.

Frank was on his own now.

Well, what?

Uh...

Uh, just this.

[ Tim Hardin's "If I Were a Carpenter" plays on radio ]

? If I were a carpenter ? ? if I were a carpenter ?

- ? And you were a lady ? - ? You were a lady ?

- ? Would you marry me anyway? ? - ? Would you marry me anyway? ?

? Would you have my baby? ?

? If a tinker were my trade ?

? Would you still find me ?

? Carrying the pots I made ?

? Following behind me? ?

We got a special today.

? Save my love for sorrow ?

Burger, fries, and a drink for 99 cents.

Denise, would you?

[ Sighs ]

Geez, Frank.

Denise...

You know I would.

[ Laughs ]

Whoo-hoo!

[ Laughs, smooches ]

Okay, so it wasn't Shelley or Keats.

But it got the point across.

? ...at a mill wheel grinding ?

As for me, I was gonna miss the grease.

And I was pretty sure she was gonna miss me a little, too.

But we both knew she was back where she belonged.

And I finally understood.

You had to really know two people and their problems

before you could solve them.

By the way, Frank, false alarm.

I'm not pregnant.

[ Record scratches ]

- Pregnant?! - Pregnant?!

Frank and Denise got back together that day,

and our world fell back into orbit.

[ Whistle blows, crowd cheers ]

He loved her...

She loved him...

And I lived to tell the tale.

? If a tinker were my trade ?

? Would you still find me... ?

The stank and Denise got married

that summer after graduation and had a kid.

Denise went to college,

and Frank went to cosmetology school.

And even though I heard they divorced

a couple of years later, I hoped...

like Frank running over his shop teacher...

that it was just a rumor.

? ...your tomorrow ?

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