Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? -? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Somebody who knows quite sure ?

? Baby ?

? By with a little help from my friends ?

? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ? ?

? Tutti frutti, all rooty ?

Every generation has its idols,

guys who were our heroes,

guys who defined "cool"...

guys who drive chicks crazy.

[ Young women screaming ]

My generation produced a ton of these guys...

the Beatles...

Mick Jagger, and, of course...

? Awop-bop-a-loo-mop a-lop bam boo ?

Yours truly.

Okay, so I didn't have a top-10 single.

I did have the one thing every teen idol needs.

[ Sighs ] Hi.

A fan.

Debbie Pfeiffer, Paul's little sister.

Hi, Debbie.

Hi, Kevin.

Hi, Kevin!

Debbie was a 7th-grader now,

and, to put it mildly,

she thought I put the moon in the sky

and told the stars to shine.

Hi, Debbie.

Hi!

Hi, Kevin!

It was kinda flattering, I guess.

It was also kinda... Nauseating.

And the worst thing was,

no matter how I tried to ignore it...

Kevin?

It wouldn't ignore me.

Hi, Debbie.

Not to seem insensitive,

but a man of my years had more important things to think about

- than moony little girls. - Hi!

Things like...

Spl-r-I-t!

Go... Wildcats!

S-p-I-r-I-t!

Go... Wildcats!

School spirit.

Go... Wildcats!

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Whistles ]

Around the halls of R.F.K., morale was at an all-time high.

For the guys, anyway.

Football fever was in the air.

There was, of course, a reason.

Let's spell it out!

W-I-l...

Make that two.

Do...

Dina Delgado...

a name synonymous with...

- Wow! - Wow! -Wow!

[ Cheerleaders cheering ]

Dina inspired us,

like the statue of liberty or the bill of rights.

Man, I can't wait for the game Friday night!

Friday night?

Let's get there early so we can sit down in front.

It was an event not to be missed.

Paul?

I can't go.

- What? - What?

There was, of course, a reason.

Debbie, honey, you'll be the prettiest girl there!

I have to take my sister

to a stupid cotillion dance Friday night.

- It's not stupid! - Paul, we've been over this.

Mom, she's ruining my life!

I'd be proud to take her.

My little girl on my arm.

I do a mean fox-trot.

Daddy!

Alvin, she's not going to a cotillion with her father.

She's going with her brother.

Why can't she find somebody else?

'Cause there isn't anybody else.

Heh-heh. You almost had to feel sorry for old Pfeiff.

Still, this was a domestic squabble.

None of my business.

At least, not yet.

I guess I'd just rather go with Paul,

if I can't go with somebody... Really nice

or... Really neat.

Uh-oh.

The president of my fan club

was calling for a personal appearance.

Come to think of it, so was the whole fan club.

Time for a little good old-fashioned diplomacy.

Come on, Paul. Let's study at my house.

Yep, the old Arnold tact.

[ Door slams ]

Ugh, I don't believe this.

I might as well go lie down on the highway.

Paul, it's not that bad.

Are you kidding?

While you guys are watching Dina,

I'm gonna be doing the mambo

with little girls in white gloves.

Oh, come on. It'll be cute.

Maybe they'll do the hokey-pokey.

Well, if you think it's so cute, why don't you take her?

'Cause she's not my sister.

Nothin' like kickin' your best friend when he's down.

Until, that is, he kicks you back.

You know, it'd really make her happy.

Paul?

Come on.

Why not? She's crazy about you!

She'd be... - hang it up.

[ Sighs ]

A real friend'd do it.

[ Buzzer sounds ] Foul! Illegal use of a buddy.

The answer's no, okay?

[ Sighs ] Okay, okay.

I just thought I'd mention it.

Well, don't!

Okay, I won't!

Heck, being a pal was one thing,

but in the real world, paldom goes just so far.

As opposed to, say, Momdom.

So, I understand you're taking Debbie Pfeiffer

to her dance on Friday?

What?!

Well, I saw Ida Pfeiffer at the library today,

and she said that Paul said that you and Debbie...

Wait a minute. Paul said that?

That's what Ida said.

The weasel.

No. Mom, you misunderstood.

See, Paul's taking her, not me.

Oh?

Oh, well, that's too bad.

Why?

Well, Debbie thinks so much of you.

And...

Look, mom, it's not gonna happen, okay?

Not withstanding vicious rumors to the contrary.

Well, of course, honey.

It's your decision.

Okay!

[ Sighs wistfully ]

I remember my first dance.

It was the harvest moon ball.

I had a date with the cutest boy in school...

Todd Calloway.

My mother helped me pick out my dress.

She even took me to get my hair done.

The night of the dance,

I got all dressed up.

And I waited.

But he never arrived.

Mumps.

I was devastated.

Now, even at 14,

I could sense the intimacy of mom's story,

the underlying wisdom

in this fragile parable of heartbreak and youth.

And, naturally, my heart went out to her.

Listen, mom, I don't really have time for this, okay?

I mean, come on.

This was a 12-year-old girl we were talking about here.

She'd get over it.

My poor little sister's cryin' herself to sleep at night, Kev.

[ Sighs ]

I didn't realize just how important this dance is to her.

Paul...

She doesn't eat. She mopes.

Last night, she sat in the dark listening to Neil diamond.

Ohh!

[ Sighs ]

Look, let me appeal to your better instinct.

I'll give you five bucks.

What?!

Okay, $10, but that's my final offer.

Look, I know what you're thinking,

but this isn't about dollars.

It's about something bigger.

[ Snare drums play rhythm ]

And there you had it.

[ Cymbals crash ]

School spirit had driven Paul

to the brink of petty bribery.

Paul, for the final time,

I'm not taking your sister to the cotillion!

- All right? - All right.

- Okay? - Okay!

[ Sighs ]

She's not gonna take this well.

I mean, you're gonna have to tell her.

Why?

'Cause she's gonna ask you.

She was upset.

I said..."Ask him.

What's the worst that could happen?"

Oh, man.

I don't believe this.

But my hand had been forced.

I was gonna have to deal with this

right here, right now.

Kev?

Where are you going?

I was gonna have to hide in the boys' room.

Heck, the kid couldn't ask me if she couldn't find me.

Sure, maybe I'd be a little late for class.

It was worth it.

After all, the last thing I wanted to have to face was...

Hi, Kevin!

Rats!

Hi, Debbie.

God, that face.

Kind of like a kamikaze pilot on her final run.

Kevin?

I was just wondering...

See, I have this cotillion coming up on Friday,

and it would really mean a lot to me if,

well...

I found myself hoping for an earthquake,

a sudden nuclear attack.

But, of course, life is never that forgiving.

Would you go with me?

And so, we'd arrived at the final showdown.

Unpleasant as it might be, it was time to break a heart.

Listen, Debbie...

[ Sighs ]

Okay.

Oh.

[ Exhales sharply ]

Oh!

Oh!

Kinda the way Elvis might have handled it.

So, you boys think the wildcats have a shot at a good season?

Uh... Sure. Definitely.

By that Friday night,

my ex-best friend was on his way to cheerleader heaven.

Whereas I was on my way to cotillion hell.

This must be the most beautiful corsage

any man gave any woman.

You're so thoughtful.

It was nothing.

And it wasn't.

I'd been shanghaied into this.

And I knew by whom.

Do you like my earrings?

My grandma gave me these.

They're for really special occasions, like tonight.

Oh. Well...

Do I look better with my glasses on or off?

[ Earring clatters ]

Oops. My earring.

Excuse me!

It was pretty obvious

this was going to be a long, long night.

Okay, Paulorooski, this is it.

Let's get the stadium cushions from the trunk. Okay, dad.

I know it's here somewhere.

This much was clear...

if I was gonna get through this evening,

there was only one thing to do.

Excuse me!

I was gonna have to bail.

Have fun, son!

Sure, dad.

See ya.

Ahh, kids today.

Mr. Pfeiffer?

Mm.

I think we should talk. About tonight.

Oh, I get it.

You mean, uh, guy to guy.

Uh, yeah.

Kev, I think I understand what's on your mind.

And, believe it or not,

I've been in your same situation myself.

At last... a man who understood.

Maybe I could catch up with Paul before...

and I want you to know,

I trust you with my daughter.

You do?

I'm proud of you, son!

"Son"?

Tell you what...

here's $5,

in case you kids want to get some ice cream later

or something.

Show her the time of her life, son.

"Sunrise, sunset, swiftly flow the years."

[ Car door closes ]

Kevin?

I found it.

Oh. Good.

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers.

I had only one option left.

If I couldn't escape,

maybe I could just blend in with the crowd.

[ Discordant fanfare ]

[ Feedback ]

Miss Deborah Cecile Pfeiffer, escorted by Kevin Arnold.

[ Discordant fanfare ]

No autographs. Please.

[ Mid-tempo jazz music plays ]

Are you having a good time?

Uh, yeah. Great.

Over the next hour-and-a-half,

I was starting to feel a little like a prize heifer.

My, what a fine catch!

Or a 200-pound marlin.

And through it all,

little Debbie was stuck to my side... Like glue.

Not like that.

Huh?

Use the tongs, silly.

Oh, yeah. Right.

It all looks so beautiful, doesn't it?

I mean, I feel so lucky.

Which she was.

Still, I'd made up my mind.

I was gonna make the best of this,

come hell or high water. [ Light applause ]

And now, everyone, it's time for the sweetheart waltz.

And then the rains came.

And leading us off

will be Deborah Pfeiffer and Kevin Arnold.

[ Discordant fanfare ]

See, I told you I felt lucky!

There was just one small problem here...

I didn't know how to waltz.

Come on!

So, in front of 200,000 gawking 7th-graders,

I prepared to make a fool of myself.

[ Waltz music plays ]

It was humiliating.

There I was... Kevin Arnold, teen hero...

stumbling like a lame duck

through the single longest waltz in recorded history.

And to make matters worse,

I was being led through it, step by clumsy step,

by a little girl.

But at least now the hard part was over.

Now, finally, little Debbie would realize

her hero had two left feet... both of them Clay.

Kevin, you were great!

Huh?

Oh, Kevin, this must be

the most wonderful night of my life!

I mean, who would have thought?

You and me waltzing!

I feel just like...

Cinderella.

That's when I knew, once and for all,

Debbie Pfeiffer's love for me...

was blind.

Ladies and gentlemen,

don't forget that souvenir pictures

are being taken under the trellis.

[ Mid-tempo jazz music plays ]

Do you want to have our picture taken?

Faced with such untarnished emotion,

such completely undeserved adoration,

I knew what I had to do.

I'm gonna go get some punch.

Okay.

Sure, maybe it was brutal,

but it was time she faced the truth.

Oh, decided to sit this one out, huh?

Yeah.

I was gonna sit this one out, all right...

all the way out.

I sat there, angry at Debbie,

angry at Paul, angry at myself.

I was tired of being idolized, sick of being a hero.

For an instant, I'd toyed with the idea

of walking the mile-and-a-half across town

to join the guys.

- Come on. He's over here. - Let's go.

[ Grunts ]

I guess the guys had the same idea.

What are you guys doing here?

[ Exhales sharply ]

Bad news, Kev.

Was it the game? Did we lose?

Worse.

Worse?

Paul... You had the binoculars.

You tell him.

Well, when we got to the game...

And thus Paul launched into a story

that I was to hear over and over again,

at cocktail parties and class reunions.

A tale of woe. The subject?

It was Dina... Dina Delgado...

[ Snare drums play rhythm ]

[ Marching-band music plays ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Whistle blows ]

According to Paul, it happened in mere seconds...

something that broke young mens' hearts

and shattered long-held illusions.

Something slipped from Dina's sweater.

[ Whistle blows ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

And in the light of this horrifying revelation,

a new consciousness was born,

a single undeniable truth.

Dina Delgado stuffs!

Falsies.

They looked so... Real!

It was a moment of rare understanding,

sympathy for a dream lost.

And, of course, compassion.

Come on. We're on our way to T.P. Delgado's front yard.

Compassion in junior high being expressed in many ways.

No, no thanks.

You guys go ahead without me.

Come on.

As I watched my friends head into the night,

I realized the world was not necessarily a better place

for knowing the truth.

Kevin?

Where'd you go?

I've been looking all over for you.

Uh... I, uh...

I had to get some air.

[ Voice breaking ] You don't want to have

your picture taken with me, do you?

No. Debbie, that's not it.

I guess the whole thing was just pretty stupid.

[ Sobbing ]

I don't really know what came over me next.

Maybe it was the hurt in her eyes.

And maybe it was because I knew I had put it there.

Or maybe it just boiled down to one thing.

You dropped this.

But I knew it was more than that.

[ Slow dance music plays ]

You want to dance?

Sure.

[ Music continues ]

Heck, I was no superman.

Not really, anyway.

But if Debbie Pfeiffer needed a hero, so be it.

She had plenty of time to grow up

and figure it out on her own.

After all, a little stardust in the eyes never hurt anybody.

Least of all, me.

As for Mr. Pfeiffer's $5, we put it to good use.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

We got the 8x10 and a dozen wallet-size.

[ Music concludes ]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0