Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Somebody who knows quite sure ?

? Baby ?

? By with a little help from my friends ?

? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

Every great act has its own routine...

Gracie, say good night.

- Good night. - Good night.

Delivery, timing...

- You know what I mean? Huh? - Yeah.

- Huh? - Yeah. -Huh?

They take years to perfect.

[ Piano plays ragtime music ]

It takes hard work and practice.

- It's all right. -It's all right? - It's all right.

But once you've got it down,

it becomes second-nature...

Routine.

Butthead!

Dork face!

Grow up!

Take my family...

Please. [ Rim shot ]

- Morning. - [ Groans ]

Talk about routines... we had a million of 'em.

[ Sighs ]

Kevin? Did you feed...

mom, could you do it?

I got to get to school early.

Mom? Did you fix that button on my...

I sewed it on last night.

- Norma, where's my... - It's in your briefcase.

- Hey, where's the... - Right here.

Yep, we had 'em all... timing, delivery,

and of course, the best straight man in the business.

Jack? The tickets for the concert series arrived.

Good, old mom.

Honey?

Uh, no, no. Just coffee's fine.

[ Chuckles ]

No, Jack, I was talking about the concert series.

Oh.

It starts this Thursday night.

They're doing chamber music.

I think it should be fun.

Uh-huh, you could always count on Norma Arnold

to set up the punch lines.

Thursday's gonna be a bear, Norma.

It's this damn audit.

One of the kids will go with you.

[ Rim shot ]

I've got a date.

Big history test Friday.

Got to hit the books.

[ Crunching ]

You had to hand it to her.

Mom was perfect at the part...

like any great comedian.

Kev, it isn't funny.

I can't walk into the cafeteria looking like this.

Of course, when it came to playing straight man,

I had some experience of my own.

Paul, it's just a cowlick.

It's not so bad.

What do you mean, "not so bad"?

"Not so good," right? That's what you really mean.

For instance, when Paul's self-esteem was down...

read "any day of the week"...

it was routine for me to build him back up.

It looks like I've got pipe cleaners growing out of my head!

[ Sighs ] It looks fine.

Hey, alfalfa.

Nice 'do.

Get bent, Hobson.

Careful what you say, Pfeiff, -

or I might not let you see the Berlini poll.

- What? - The Lisa Berlini poll...

the definitive rating...

Of the male faction at RFK junior high.

It was the kind of document that eventually led

to deep-seated neuroses and psychotherapy...

not that we knew about that stuff in eighth grade.

Read 'em and weep, cupcakes.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Toilet flushes ] Ha!

Is my name on it?

"Best eyes"?

I got "best eyes"?

What about the rest of my face?

Well, I guess it could have been worse.

[ Scoffs ] "Brainiest."

I could have been Paul.

Does anybody see my name?!

Man, last time at least I got "best-mannered."

Hey!

There's nothing wrong with being brainy.

Thank God I didn't get "brainiest."

[ Scoffs ]

Man, first a cowlick the size of Mount Rushmore,

and now this.

Uh-oh, you could sense

Paul heading for a major-league slump here.

This was gonna take care.

Paul, nobody's gonna notice.

Trust me.

You think so?

Yeah.

Care...

And a little good luck.

[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming continues ]

Now,there's a brain.

Pretty attractive, huh?

Paul, it's just a stupid movie.

Man, I'd rather be "ugliest" than "brainiest.

Paul Pfeiffer! Who said you were ugly?

Nobody said he was ugly.

[ Scoffs ] No, they said brainiest.

The babes are already starting to beat down my door.

[ Scoffs ]

It's these stupid glasses.

What are you talking about?!

Never mind, mom.

After all, if I couldn't cheer the guy up,

what could mom do?

Paul, I've known you a long time,

and I've always thought

that your glasses make you look very...

Manly.

Manly?

Manly?

Absolutely.

Of course, she was obviously throwing him a line.

Still, the fish were biting.

You know, a lot of great men wear glasses.

Like who?

Well, like...

Arthur Miller.

Who's Arthur Miller?

You think Arthur Miller is handsome?

Well, not just me.

Marilyn Monroe thought so, too.

I guess I'd never really thought about it that way before.

Naturally, he hadn't.

It was patently ridiculous... whoever Arthur Miller was.

Glasses can make the man, Paul.

Still, you had to hand it to old mom.

Paul was lapping' up the kind words like...

hey, how about some cocoa?

Uh, I'm allergic to instant.

Oh, I make it from scratch.

Always cheers Kevin up.

Look, mom, I don't think he...

that sounds great.

Let's go.

I'm in the mood for some, too.

How about you, honey?

No. No thanks.

- So, who else wore glasses? - Well...

Sure, let them have a little time together.

It was no skin off my nose.

After all, mom's cocoa and sympathy

could never prepare Paul for the cold realities of...

hey, brainiac!

Heard any good theorems lately, gray matter?

Real life...

Hey, big brain.

Life after Lisa Berlini.

Look at it this way, Pfeiffer...

brainy's not so bad.

There are a lot of librarians out there looking for a man.

Okay, that was my cue.

Time to come to the rescue here.

Yeah, well, I guess being brainiest

is something you'll never have to worry about.

Or maybe not.

Oh, very funny, four-eyes.

Hey, pal, Arthur Miller wears glasses.

Who's Arthur Miller?

Why don't you ask Marilyn Monroe?

Huh?

Well, well, well.

Seemed we had a new Paul on our hands.

Yep, my best friend was feeling better.

So, then I said,

"why don't you ask Marilyn Monroe?"

[ Both laugh ]

Much better.

In fact, over the next few days,

it was all he talked about.

I've been thinking about getting wire rims.

Wire rims?

To accentuate the positive.

Glasses can make the man.

Your shot.

"Accentuate the positive"?

"Glasses make the man"?

Was this a kid I was playing with

or a clotheshorse?

You know, I could probably get dad to special-order some frames

like Donald Perman's.

That'd be neat. Who's Donald Perman?

Of course, Ben Franklin wore bifocals,

but I don't need those.

Paul, who's Donald Perman?

That guy your mom dated in high school.

She thought he was really good-looking.

She showed me his picture in her yearbook.

Her yearbook?

When did Paul ever see my mom's yearbook?

Man! We must have talked for about an hour yesterday.

Where was I?

Why didn't you ever tell me your mom wanted to be a singer?

Isn't that a funny story about the audition

for the radio commercial?

The radio commercial?

My mother never told me about any radio commercial.

Yeah, well, it's not so funny

after you heard it a bazillion times.

I thought it was hilarious...

especially the part about the shoulder pads.

[ Laughs ]

Look...

Ow!

I'm gonna go get something to drink. You want anything?

Hey, I'll get it.

Be right back.

Sometimes, Paul could be a real dink.

I mean, I wanted to shoot hoops,

and this guy wanted to talk about my mother's history.

Who cared?

I had more important things to think about...

Like winning an NBA title in triple overtime

with a shot at the buzzer.

[ Buzzer buzzes ] The crowd has gone wild!

[ Crowd cheering ]

The crowd, maybe,

but what about the other team?

Didn't Paul realize

there were more important things in life than...

full of people, okay?

And then all of a sudden, the lights go out.

Sitting around, having cocoa,

while my mother laughed harder

than I'd seen her laugh in years?

[ Indistinct talking, laughter ]

[ Indistinct talking ]

? Did you ever have to make up your mind? ?

? Pick up on one and leave the other behind? ?

? It's not often easy and not often kind ?

? Did you ever have to make up your mind? ?

[ Indistinct talking ]

Article five, section six

of the eighth-grade boys' code of conduct...

"when faced with a popularity poll you don't like,

make up your own."

Of course, we took it seriously.

There was an art to this... points awarded

for intelligence, political awareness,

- and of course... - Best body?

- Eva Jenkins. -Eva Jenkins. - Eva Jenkins.

No way! Holly stern!

She shaves her legs!

Doug, you're drooling.

Of course he was drooling.

That's what adolescents do.

- Hi. - Well, most adolescents.

What are you guys doing?

Oh, decide to spend some time with people your own age, huh?

We're doing a poll to get back at Lisa Berlini.

How about "best smile"?

You know who has a nice smile?

Your mom.

Was he nuts?

When the guys found out what he thought about my mother,

they would...

yeah, you know, Arnold's mom's not bad.

Agree.

She shaves her legs, too.

You're talking about my mother!

As if she were some kind of, uh... Woman!

Well, I think we should put down

Kevin's mom for "best smile."

Paul, that's ridiculous!

I mean, this is a school poll.

Wait a minute.

Pfeiffer's actually got a decent idea.

Uh-oh.

Lisa Berlini should know she's in competition with real women.

Look what I got for your tub, honey!

Norma Arnold... homemaker, mother, wife...

Teen idol.

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

Oh, hello, Paul.

No, tell him I'm not home.

Fact is, I'd had just about enough of...

it's for me, honey.

Okay, fine. In fact, perfect.

Because when mom discovered how boring Paul was on the phone...

[ Laughing ] Oh, Paul!

Really? [ Laughs ]

Uh, excuse me, Mrs. Arnold,

but don't we have better things to do?

Now?

Well, I have to go now, Paul.

Okay.

Okay. Bye.

[ Sighs ]

Oh, dear.

Your father will be home soon,

and I'm not sure what to do about dinner.

Okay, this was the mom I knew...

the mom that fixed dinner.

And now that Paul's going to the concert with me tonight...

What?

Yeah, that's why he called.

He asked if he could go with me.

How'd Paul know about the concert?

Well, I told him your father couldn't come.

And since the rest of you were busy,

that extra ticket shouldn't go to waste.

Look, mom, you know all Paul's gonna do

is talk through the whole thing.

And it's not like he even knows what chamber music is.

Which made two of us.

He said he wanted to expand his horizons.

I think that's nice. - Nice?

Why did I suddenly smell a Pfeiffer in wolf's clothing?

Well, I better get ready.

The concert begins at 7:00.

The funny thing is,

I hadn't seen mom so excited in... Months.

Norma?

Can you come here a minute?

I'm still getting dressed, honey!

In fact, she was sounding downright... Chipper.

[ Doorbell rings ] I'll get it.

Oh, hi, Mr. Arnold.

I brought a Jell-O mold.

My mother wanted me to bring it over.

It's lime Jell-O. She put fruit cocktail in it.

But we didn't have any little marshmallows...

Norma!

Paul's here.

I'll just be a minute!

She'll just be a minute.

Norma? This pizza's still frozen in the middle.

Turn it up to 450 for about another 10 minutes.

Oh.

[ Groans ]

Oh, and sprinkle a little water on the crust.

I've always found the only way you can get the middle warm

is burn the sides.

That was it.

The same 13-year-old who was dating his wife

was now giving him cooking tips?

Dad wasn't gonna stand for this.

How much water?

[ Sighs ]

Oh, just a little sprinkle.

Sir. - [ Groans ]

Okay, then, if dad wouldn't do it, I would.

It was time to explain to Paul

my mother was just like everyone else's mother.

Okay, I'm ready.

Only more beautiful.

Hi, honey.

- Hi. - Hi.

Oh! My mom wanted me to give this to you.

Oh, thank you!

That was very nice of her.

Hey, should I put some foil on this?

- It'll stick. - It'll stick.

Oh.

Well, are you ready?

It was... Embarrassing. Didn't dad see?

While he was busy playing Suzy homemaker,

my best friend was squiring his wife around town.

Well, I'll see you later.

And if you want a snack tonight,

there's Jell-O.

I'm really looking forward to this.

It should be fun.

Yep, there was definitely something wrong

with this picture.

By 9:00 that night, the pizza was burned,

the Jell-O was gone, and the toaster had blown a fuse.

Without mom to help, dad and I had been reduced

to the lower end of the food chain...

plus, the more rudimentary forms of communication.

[ Crunching ]

Seemed like a perfect time

to do a little historical research.

Dad?

Hmm?

Did you know mom when she wanted to be a singer?

That's right. She did.

Okay, an actual eyewitness.

Maybe I was onto something here.

And was she really...

Kev, put a lid on it.

I got to get this finished by tomorrow.

Sure.

Sure.

[ Sighs ]

[ Television plays indistinctly ]

Except I kept thinking about mom and Paul.

Why had she told him about Donald Perman and not me?

Not that I felt threatened or anything.

It's just... Well...

Was it possible, just possible, that...

Mom liked you best!

[ Soundtrack laughter ]

You lower your voice!

[ Deep voice ] Mom liked you best!

Hi, everybody!

We're home!

[ Door closes ]

Great.

The woman in black...

[ Sighs ]

And her teenaged Lothario.

Hey.

Hey.

Okay, it was time to put this four-eyed Romeo in his place.

Have a nice time?

Missed a great evening, honey.

Paul and I had the most wonderful time.

Mmhmm.

It was the most beautiful music.

But I guess I already knew it wasn't Paul I was angry at.

Anyone for some hot cocoa?

It was mom.

I'd love some.

I could have used some cocoa myself.

But I couldn't go in there, because it was pretty clear now

whatever was going on between my mother and Paul...

Was just between my mother and Paul.

I've always loved Beethoven.

Um...

I got this for you.

It's from my mother's garden.

Well, thank you.

It's a beautiful rose, Paul.

Sure. What was next, a formal proposal?

Which is why you shouldn't waste it on me.

But you have to take it.

I'm allergic.

[ Chuckles ]

There's gonna be a lot of very wonderful girls in your life

who would die to get a rose from you.

[ Chuckles ] I doubt it.

I don't.

You're a very special person, Paul.

And I guess there was something

in the way she said it

that made me understand.

And I hope you never get contacts,

because you don't need them.

Mom wasn't breaking my heart.

She was breaking Paul's...

Without breaking it.

I guess I better go.

I had a great time.

Thank you.

Me, too.

Thanks, Mrs. Arnold.

And in that moment,

I began to realize a lot of things.

Maybe my mother didn't go to the concert with Paul

because she thought he was special,

but because he thought she was special,

special enough to ask, "where's my Jersey?

"What's for dinner?" Or...

Who took the TV guide?

Oh, try Wayne's room under his pillow.

Or maybe it's behind Karen's record player.

- Supposed to stay on the... - I know.

I guess dad realized it, too.

So... You had a good time?

Mmhmm.

Yeah, well...

Isn't there supposed to be another one of these things?

Next month.

Huh.

So, uh...

We'll go.

Okay.

Okay.

The night Paul Pfeiffer gave my mom a rose,

he gave me something, too.

He gave me a new way of seeing her.

I guess Paul's not gonna drink his.

Could I have some?

I was making it for you.

Paul made my mother feel good

because he didn't look at her the way we always did.

We saw mom, and he saw Norma Arnold.

And I think she liked that, for a change.

- Mom? - Mm-hmm?

Did you really audition to sing for a commercial?

Oh! It was a radio commercial.

Yeah?

For axle grease.

[ Both laugh ]

Do you know what axle grease is?

Mnhmnh.

It's the grease that they put in trucks...

That night, I found out

my mother once got sent to the principal's office

for smoking in the bathroom

and that she almost married someone else,

until she met my dad.

I learned a lot about her...

about who she was, who she'd been...

about who she wanted to be.

And the next morning, she was mom again...

our straight man.

Only, this time, I knew better.

[ Indistinct conversation ]

? Unforgettable ?

? In every way ?

? And forever more ?

? That's how you'll stay ?

? That's why, darling ?

? It's incredible ?

? That someone ?

? So unforgettable ?

? Thinks that I'm ?

? Unforgettable ?

? Too ?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0