Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? -? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa, yeah ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

[ Choral singing ]

In junior high school,

looks mean a lot.

There's the look of love...

the look of rejection...

the thrill of victory...

The agony of defeat.

But there was one look that was different,

a once-in-a-lifetime look...

a look that said things would never be the same again.

Doug?

Doug?

You okay?

One glance at a face like that, and you knew.

Oh, man. When did it happen?

Last night.

Was it your dad?

He gave you...

"The talk."

"The talk." The old birds and bees.

I actually had to listen to my dad say "genitals."

- Ugh! - Ugh!

It was horrible,

too horrible to contemplate.

The worst thing was, no one was immune.

It could strike anytime, anywhere.

The fatal communication.

Kevin?

[ Distorted ] It all begins with an egg.

Oh, no.

So, when a man and a woman get together...

Oh, gosh!

When your mother and I...

No, no, don't drag mom into this!

[ Normal voice ] Kevin!

Huh?

Shove over.

Fortunately, my father preferred

to communicate with his kids as little as possible.

Still, you never knew if your luck was gonna run out.

Or when.

Looks like it's wearing pretty thin to me.

Jack...

Day three of my dad's week off.

So far, he'd tightened every screw

on every kitchen cabinet,

re-wired all our lamps,

and added another layer of insulation to the attic.

In short, he was laying siege to my mom's domain.

Honey, it's just a little crack.

Eh... It's fallin' apart. Where's my glue?

Of course, after years of experience,

mom had learned to play dad

like a matador dealing with a bull.

Honey?

You want this last piece of bacon?

[ Trumpet fanfare plays ]

[ Crowd cheering ]

[ Bull moos ]

Ol�, mom!

[ Water dripping ]

[ Dripping echoes ]

Damn it! I just put a new washer in this thing.

Did the paper come yet?

I know you wanted to look at those tire sales.

Oh.

I hope he hit the porch this time.

- Yep. Mom had all the moves. - [ Sighs ]

What the...

You want another muffin, honey?

[ Rattling ]

Until, that is...

Jack!

The bull got into the China shop.

These hinges are going, Norma.

Jack... Not my good crystal.

Kevin, get my toolbox from the cellar.

Now, this was serious. This was mom's stemware.

[ Hinge squeaking ]

Wait.

You could see her reaching back

for some way to save the situation,

some way to...

I know. Why don't you do something with Kevin?

Stab me in the back.

Huh?

You could go to a movie or... Play catch.

[ Glasses rattle ]

Well, I better get going.

No, wait.

I've got it.

Jack, wouldn't this be the perfect time

to build that tree house

that you two have always talked about?

- A tree house? - A tree house?

A tree house?

I couldn't believe it.

After all I'd done for her...

slept in her house, eaten her food!

Why not? I think it would be fun for both of you.

Come on, mom. I'm too old for a tree house.

Right, dad?

I was sorry to bail out on old mom,

but the fact was...

Nonsense.

[ Hinge squeaks ]

You're never too old for a tree house.

I was a dead man.

See, it wasn't just a matter of being too old for a tree house.

Building something... building anything...

with my dad didn't really mean "building."

It meant sitting around...

Kev.

Holding twine...

being in the way...

eating sawdust...

And watching him build.

Well, startin' to lose the light.

Let's knock off for today, huh, tiger?

"Tiger"? I didn't feel like a tiger.

I felt more like... An elf.

We'll pick it up tomorrow.

I can't.

I've got school tomorrow.

I'll pick you up.

Great.

It didn't seem fair.

I was 13 years old,

and my father was still treating me like a kid.

I mean, what was it gonna take here?

Check this out.

Put that away!

Sorry, Pfeiff. Didn't mean to scare you.

Grow up, Hobson.

What's wrong with it? My dad looks at this stuff.

Yeah,your dad, maybe.

Uhhuh. Like yours doesn't.

Of course not.

My dad's an optometrist!

[ Scoffs ]

Well, he doesn't.

I don't want this to come as a shock to you, Pfeiff,

but men look at women.

No, duh.

You're such a babe in the woods.

Craig Hobson... the "masters and Johnson" of the lunch line.

So, Arnold, how's the big project comin'?

What do you mean?

Saw you and your dad drivin' by with a car full of lumber.

Whatcha buildin', a new sand box?

For your information, Hobson,

they're working on something very big.

Really? Like what?

- Paul... - I can handle this.

It's a tree house.

Thanks, Paul. Really.

Well, it's not really...

a tree house, huh? Aren't you a little old for that?

At least his dad doesn't sit around the house

looking at magazines.

They're building it together.

A tree house, huh?

What are you, the ladder holder?

[ Scoffs ]

Yeah, right.

The nerve of this guy.

"Ladder holder"? I was no ladder holder.

I was...

Holding a ladder.

Damn!

I cut it too long.

What the hell was I thinking of?

Okay, this had gone far enough.

It was time to declare my independence.

- I'll cut it for you, dad. - Huh?

Heck, what did I have to lose?

Nah, I better do it.

Dad, I want to do it. I want to help.

You are helpin'.

Holding a ladder?

Oh, come on, dad. I want to saw.

Okay, one of two things was gonna happen here...

either dad was gonna laugh in my face, or...

You think you can shave 13/8 inch off of that?

He was gonna let me saw!

Okay, I was on my way.

There was just one little problem here...

I'd never actually used a power saw before.

It looked... Sharp.

[ Shing! ]

Saw-like.

[ Thwong! ]

Make sure that safety guard is down.

This thing can back up on you.

I know.

"Back up"? "Safety guard"? Okay, no turning back now.

It was saw or be sawed.

[ Saw whirs ]

[ Richard Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries" plays ]

[ Wood clatters ]

[ Saw stops ]

Not bad.

It was a small step... 13/8 inch, to be exact.

Come on.

But it felt like we'd turned some kind of corner,

my dad and I.

[ Indistinct conversation ]

What I think we should do is 41/2 feet.

Right.

And have a rounded staircase.

Right.

And our tree house... at least the ground floor...

was lookin' pretty darn good.

Feels solid, dad.

Yeah, it does.

As dad and I kicked back

and hoisted a couple of cool ones... Here you go.

I had the strangest experience...

dad was talking to me,

and I was listening.

A rope ladder.

We were... Communicating.

Not everyone... mom can't get up a rope ladder.

That's the idea. [ Chuckles ]

It was one of the nicest moments we'd ever shared.

And it lasted...

[ Woman humming ]

About 12 seconds.

Now, she was just a woman,

working in her garden, weeding her tomatoes.

She didn't know we were there.

And we'd certainly never seen her before.

It was all just kind of a coincidence.

? Bum baaaaaahm ?

? Ba da da da da da ?

? Ba ba ba da da ?

? Bum baaaaahm ?

? Ba ba ba ba-bum bum ?

[ Chuckles ]

? Bada-dum, ba-da-dum, ba-da-dum da da dum ?

? Da-dum, da-da-dum, ba-da-dum ?

The weird thing was, it was really no big deal.

Except for some reason, at that moment,

it was a big deal.

It was horrible.

We'd been two men at work,

and suddenly, everything had changed.

Suddenly, we were a father and a son.

And a neighbor.

And there didn't seem to be room up there

for the three of us.

Um... Kev?

Kev, um...

Down went the lines of communication.

Let's take a break.

Yeah.

? Dodo, do-do-do, do-do-do ?

- Okay. - Yeah.

And there you had it.

One minute we were on top of the world,

- the next minute... - Oh!

We were up a tree... [ Ladder clangs ]

Without a ladder.

[ Ragtime music plays ]

Tell me, is this thing really a strawberry?

Yes. And these are tomatoes.

This, we hope, is the future of the American farmer.

For the next day or so, dad and I didn't talk much.

Let me amend that... we didn't talk at all.

To most of the public, these giant freaks of nature...

Oh, do we have to watch this?

Well, how do they get so big?

'Course, I wasn't really sure if dad knew that I knew

that he saw that I saw what he saw.

Or vice versa.

All we both knew was we weren't going back up that tree.

What's happening with the tree house?

Uh, we, um...

Well, what's the matter with you two?

You were having so much fun up there.

I've never seen the two of you work so well together.

Dad, you want to take this one?

Well, uh...

The forecast said there was a, um...

Possibility of rain.

[ Birds chirping ]

Yeah.

It said zero possibility.

Well, as long as I have you two in here,

maybe you can help me choose a table setting.

We could go with the gingham or the stripes or the ducks.

Or we could mix and match.

What do you think?

Looks like it's clearin' up, Kev.

[ Clears throat ]

Have fun. [ Chuckles ]

Sure, fun.

We gave it the old college try.

[ Woman humming ]

We tried to ignore it.

[ Saw whirs ]

But we were over-matched, so we did the only thing possible...

we turned on each other.

Not like that, Kev.

Why? What's wrong?

You're over the line.

- No, I'm not! - Yes, you are!

Look, I'll do this. Just go get my hammer.

What?!

Never mind. Where's your hammer?

I think I left it in the garage.

How many times I tell you not to leave your tools lying around?

- Well, I didn't think... - Look, just go get it!

[ Scoffs ]

Face it... we needed help.

Someone sympathetic, someone who'd understand.

You lucky dog.

I don't believe it!

No, you guys don't understand.

I think we do.

Will you cut it out, Hobson?! I could use a little help here.

You don't need help. You need binoculars.

Why?

Pfeiffer, you're hopeless.

Look, all I know is this can't go on.

My dad and I are at each other's throats.

In that case, there's only one thing to do.

At last, a little counsel.

Let me build that tree house.

Well, one thing was clear...

dad and I were in this together, for better or worse.

But wait a minute.

[ Sighs ]

All right. Let's get goin' here.

- We got work to do, huh? - Yeah!

Yeah, let's lap up some studs, make some noise!

? Come here, sister ?

? Papa's in the swing ?

? He ain't too hip ?

? 'Bout that new-breed babe ?

? He ain't no drag ?

? Papa's got a brand-new bag ?

? Come here, mama ?

Yep, we were rollin' now...

like a smoothly oiled machine.

? He's not too fancy ?

? But his line is pretty clean ?

And who knew?

We might even finish it by tomorrow, if our luck held out.

? Papa's got a brand-new bag ?

And we didn't get another visit from...

[ Music slows ]

Look at the size of those tomatoes, Jack!

The singing gardener.

Yeah.

This is Donna. My husband, Jack.

Ah, nah, my hands are dirty. I've been working.

That's okay. My hands have been in the dirt all day.

And that's my youngest, Kevin.

Well, hi, Kevin.

Uh... Hi.

Donna and I met at the supermarket.

We started talking in the checkout counter.

And it turns out Donna lives on Oakdale

almost right behind us.

Yeah, just a little over from here.

So she told me about her tomatoes

and said she'd bring me some.

Uhhuh.

And I told the checker just to put mine back.

[ Laughing ] Didn't I?

Well, then, I guess I just had to bring 'em, huh?

[ Both laugh ] [ Chuckles nervously ]

Well, this was homey.

I just sort of stood there,

but fortunately, my dad was a little more socially adept.

We, um... Break.

What, honey?

Kevin and me.

So, a little small talk...

the Arnold charm... Let's go, Kev.

It was nice to meet you!

And we were out the door.

By mutual unspoken consent,

my dad and I fell into a plan...

work as hard as we could as fast as we could

and get out of that tree.

As our hammers rang in the air,

bending metal and steel to our wills,

an amazing thing happened...

we found a common bond.

- Nails. - Here.

Pry-bar.

Yo.

I need a, uh...

Bracket.

Yeah, and some, uh...

- Wood screws. - Yeah.

Damn, where's the... - pencil.

Yeah.

It was almost... Heroic.

There we were, two men, side-by-side,

struggling without words

against the thing we couldn't talk about -Kev?

Running from a common enemy.

Running from...

Ready or not, here I come!

- Mom. - Norma.

[ Donna humming ]

Well! This is fun!

[ Humming continues ]

Uh, Norma, the footing up here is a little tricky.

Yeah, it's not all nailed off. You don't want to fall.

Oh, don't be silly. It feels sturdy to me.

Oh, and just look at this view!

Yeah.

Excuse me.

[ Humming intensifies ]

[ Sighs ]

Oh.

Now, at that moment,

it's possible a simple explanation would have helped.

But of course, we couldn't explain.

We couldn't talk about it at all.

Oh.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, I should start dinner.

And that was that.

We'd been accused, tried, and convicted.

And suddenly I had this awful feeling,

that I knew what that sentence would be.

Son...

[ Humming continues ]

We have to talk.

There was no escape.

It had come down to this...

"the talk."

I actually had to listen to my dad say "genitals."

Son...

I think you're too old for a tree house.

Huh?

I'm goin' inside.

[ Pencil clatters ]

[ Sighs ]

My dad and I never had "the talk."

And we never finished the tree house.

I guess some things between fathers and sons

are left unspoken and unfinished.

Don't we have any vegetables?

And for years after that,

my mother could never say the word "tomato"

without giving my dad a funny look.

? Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees ?

? And the flowers and the trees ?

? And the moon up above ?

? And a thing called lo-o-ve ?

? Let me tell you 'bout the stars in the sky ?

? And a girl and a guy ?

? And the way they could kiss ? [ Wood creaks ]

? On a night like this ?

? Yeah ?

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