Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? -? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Somebody who knows quite sure ?

? Baby ?

? By with a little help from my friends ?

? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

In every American family,

There exists a chain of command.

From the pawn...

Through the established ranks...

To the lord and master of all things great and small.

But one week out of the year, a force would blow into town

That even my father could not control.

[ horn honks ] - to the left...

Left...

[ humming happily ]

Grampa Arnold.

[ brakes screech ] - oh. Whoa.

All right...

Why don't you give him a hand, Jack?

He knows what he's doing.

[ Humming continues ]

[ Horn blares ]

My fault entirely! Sorry!

Within minutes of Grampa's arrival,

My father would find some household chore

To keep him busy until Gramps pulled out again.

Not that I understood exactly why...

[ gasps ]

Well, I better get started on the gutters.

[ Sighs ]

Hey!

I made it!

Ha ha ha!

Ow, ow! Ohh!

Stop it! You're hurting my hand!

Ohh! - [ Chuckling ]

To me, Gramps was a funny old guy

Who pulled silver dollars out of my ears.

Grampa...

What have you been doing... lifting weights or something?

[ laughing ]

Grampa, this is really beautiful!

Oh, well, I'm glad you like it.

That belonged to your grandmother.

I didn't know if you kids still wore these things or not.

No, it's perfect!

Albert, would you like something to drink

With your lunch?

No, no. Nothing for me.

But how about a big glass of milk for my boy, here?

We gotta keep those bones nice and strong.

Like I said, a real cornball.

Oh. Wayne.

[ Whistle blows ]

Remember this?

No.

Oh, sure you do!

Used to play with it all the time

When we were in the old house.

You'd take it out in the yard, and you'd say...

"fly away, birdies! I'm comin' to get ya!"

[ whistle blows ]

Okay.

Wayne, thank Grampa for the gift!

Oh, yeah, thanks.

I'm gonna go test it right now.

Maybe he was a little out of touch with our generation...

Come on. Drink up, drink up, drink up!

But there was something about Gramps

That made me feel like I was 5 years old again.

Say [snaps fingers]

I just remembered...

I got you a present, too.

I think I left it in the car.

[ Chuckling ] I can't believe it!

[ Door opens, dog whimpers ]

You like him?

I love him!

[ Chuckles ]

Well, the last time I was here,

That's all you could talk about,

So I figured... why not?

"Why not?"...

Two glorious words

That separate the men from the boys,

The doers from the khan...

We're not keeping that dog.

The fathers from the grandfathers.

Good afternoon, john. Nice to see you again.

Dad.

Oh, come on, Dad.

Please, please, please let me keep him?

It's too much to handle.

I can handle it! I know I can handle it!

The boy's 13 years old, john.

I know how old he is.

And I know what having a dog in the house means.

So did I. It meant stick-throwing,

Face-licking, romping...

Responsibility.

That too.

A dog chews things. A dog needs to be walked.

And I'm not the one who's gonna be walkin' him

At 6:00 in the morning!

I promise, Dad, you'll never have to walk him!

Give the boy a chance, john.

A boy needs a dog.

Besides, I can't take him back for a week.

Maybe by then your old man will have changed his mind, huh?

[ Dog whimpers ]

[ Growls ]

And there you had it.

Cornball or not, Gramps was a kindred spirit,

A giver of gifts, a prince.

A potato!

On the face of it,

An insignificant pulpy tuber!

But consider, what does this potato

Have to do with the course of human events?

Hands!

Genetics!

The transfer of traits

From generation to generation...

As we'll see from our project.

Now...

Here we go!

Let's pass them out.

Let's pass them backwards.

What's he doing?

Got me.

Fact is, I was wondering what I was doing,

Sitting in Mr. Cory's classroom

When I could be home playing with a puppy.

For our homework, each of us will take our potato,

Put it into a glass,

And log the data!

Heredity!

We'll learn from nature!

You gotta go easy on these frames.

Dad, the frame's made of maple.

One pop isn't gonna crack the frame.

Of course, when it came to the study of heredity,

I was getting a crash course at home.

- [ grunts ] - Patience, son, patience!

[ Sighs ]

And in the midst of it all,

Something terrible was beginning to happen.

I was falling in love.

Dad, I've been putting these windows in for 20 years.

- I know what I'm doing. - Yeah.

Sit. Sit.

Good boy.

Hey, Dad!

Dad, come here... look!

What do you want?!

Dad, look!

[ Dog whimpering ]

Kevin?

Will you put the damn dog back on the leash?!

Okay, okay!

[ window thudding ]

Not bad for an old man, huh?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Dog whimpers ]

Crrrkkkk!

Well, I guess you're looking forward to a good season.

Yeah, you bet your sweet bippy I am.[chuckles]

"Bippy"?

What is that... "bippy"? [ Chuckles ]

That night, I was noticing a connection.

Every time Gramps opened his mouth,

My father would glare a little harder at the puppy.

That's what people laugh at these days... "bippy"?

Well, it's not funny like "ha ha" funny.

It's funny like, you know, "loose, wild" funny.

If you want to see funny,

You ought to watch some "honeymooners" reruns.

But wait a minute.

What was this?

Oh! That's Jack's favorite show!

Oh.

Really?

One of the best.

Did you ever see the one

Where Norton and Ralph bought the hotel?

This was great!

By some fantastic coincidence,

Gramps had stumbled onto the one thing

That made my father really come alive.

Or the one where Ralph forgets Alice's birthday?

[ laughs ] I love that one!

Yeah, I saw that one.

Heh heh.

Little did Gramps know

That Dad's Ralph Kramden impersonation was legendary...

Around our house, anyway.

Jack?

Hmm?

Do your Ralph Kramden.

Yeah, come on, Dad.

I didn't know you did imitations, John.

Neither did I.

Oh, just once. Please?

Come on, let's see it.

[ Clears throat ]

One of these days, Alice...

One of these days... bang! Zoom!

To the moon!

[ laugh track plays on TV ]

Honey, you can do it a little better than that.

Well, to do it right, you need a little more elbow room.

Well...

Okay, so much for the warm-up.

Time for Dad to let out all the stops...

The patented "Ed Norton double-take."

Norton! Will you already?!

[ laughter ]

And just when it seemed like the sun

Was never gonna shine again, the clouds began to break.

[ laughter ]

That's Gleason?

That doesn't sound like Gleason.

And then the rains came.

[ dog barks ]

[ Whimpers ]

Oh, I'll get some paper towels, honey.

[ Dog barks, thunder rumbles ]

I leave the house at 7:00 in the morning.

The dog is walked and fed before I come downstairs.

Is that understood?

The dog stays in the basement at all times.

You walk the dog after school

And at night when you're through with your homework.

Any questions?

No.

No. Seemed pretty clear to me.

Whatever was going on between Dad and Grampa,

It added up to one thing.

Genetically speaking...

[ dog whining ]

I was definitely getting the raw end of the stick.

[ door slams, thunder rumbles ]

[ Sighs ]

Your dog ate your homework.

Ii know it sounds crazy, but...

Mr. Cory...

I've known him for 13 years.

He doesn't lie about stuff like this.

Your dog ate your homework.

[ Alarm ringing ]

Over the next few days, one thing became crystal clear.

[ ringing stops ]

? Walking the dog ?

In the battle between boy against puppy...

? just a-walking the dog ?

I was gonna have to take control.

? If you don't know how to do it ?

No matter what the cost...

? I'll show you how to walk the dog ?

[ Whistling ]

No matter how great the sacrifice...

[ dog whimpering ]

? Asked my mama for 15 cents ?

No matter how late the hours...

[ dog barking ]

Kevin!

[ Barking continues ]

It was man against beast,

A fight to the finish.

? Just a-walking the dog ?

There was only one little problem...

[ barking continues ]

? If you don't know how to do it ?

? I'll show you how to walk the dog ?

The beast was winning.

[ whistling ]

? Come on, now, come on, come on ?

? Mary, Mary ?

Working pretty hard, are you?

I guess so.

It's not easy raising a puppy.

Toughest job there is.

He's learning, though.

Tell you what.

Nice hardworking lad like you...

What do you say I take you down

For a nice, big banana split to the ice cream store?

[ Chuckles ]

Where are you going?

Well, I'm gonna take the boy for some ice cream.

Come along if you like.

Kevin, did you walk your dog?

I was gonna walk him when we got back.

You're gonna walk him now.

But, Dad...

Cut the boy some slack, john.

It can wait 20 min...

No, Dad, it can't wait 20 minutes.

If the dog's gotta go, he isn't gonna wait 20 minutes.

You like to wait around 20 minutes?

Not for my ice cream.

I guess I better walk the dog, Gramps.

Hey, suit yourself.

Seems a shame, though.

Can't even take my grandson for a little treat.

Kev.

Kev, wait up.

[ Sighs ] look.

I know it seems I'm being a little tough on you.

Tough? Well, no more than, say, Genghis Khan.

Believe me, there's a reason.

Okay, I was willing to listen to reason.

It's just...

[ engine turns over ]

Well...

[ tires squeal ]

Damn it, Dad!

Why do you put this thing so close to the driveway?

Why don't you stay on the damn driveway?!

- Aah. - Dad?

What?!

What were you gonna say?

Never mind. You wouldn't understand.

It's about fathers and sons.

Oh.

[ Tapping ]

So, how is everything?

Delicious, Norma. Couldn't be better.

Yeah. Couldn't be better.

Fathers and sons? I wouldn't understand?

What had Dad meant by that?

Now what's wrong?

Nothin'. Nothin'.

Did you, uh...

Did you put pepper in these spuds?

Oh, Albert.

I'm so sorry. I forgot.

Forgot what?

Gas.

Pepper gives me gas.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, maybe you'd like some corn instead?

Oh, no, I think not.

Corn sticks in my teeth.

[ Utensil rattles ]

Well, I'm going shopping tomorrow.

Maybe I can pick you up some things.

Don't you be foolish, Norma.

You buy everything the same way you always do.

Sure. Spend another day cooking a meal he won't eat.

Grampa, why don't you try some biscuits?

They should be easy to digest.

He can't eat biscuits.

Right, Dad?

I can't.

Tell 'em why not, Dad.

The starch.

Too much starch,Norma.

Um, Mom, I've got a... Date.

Yeah, me too.

She spent a lot of time cooking this meal.

The least you could do...

John!

Pepper gives me gas, all right?

The potatoes have pepper in 'em.

Forget the damn potatoes!

I'm talking about a little respect here!

Can I say something, please?

Kevin, just stay out of this!

Honey...

It's okay, Mom.

What do you want me to say, son?

What do you want me to say?

You waltz in here, you pick at my wife's food,

You run over my lamppost...

And you bring a dog!

The dog was a gift, john!

What do you want from me?

[ Dog whimpering ]

[ Indistinct arguing in distance ]

They just kept on arguing.

They didn't even notice I'd gone.

[ arguing continues ]

You didn't even bother to ask my permission!

Oh. Now I gotta ask your permission

To give my grandson a dog?!

Yeah, Dad. My permission!

Is that too much to ask when you're in my house?!

I don't tell you when to come and go.

Oh. You want me to go... I'll go!

That's up to you!

Dad?

I'd go tonight...

Except I didn't bring my other glasses.

You're driving around without your driving glasses.

Grampa?

How can you forget

Your damn driving glasses?!

I forgot 'em! It's as simple as that!

Listen to me!

I wanted them to tell me why they were fighting,

Why they kept hurting each other like this,

Why the two men who meant the whole world to me

Had to act like... Children.

But most of all, I just wanted them to stop.

Here.

[ Dog whines ]

I don't want the dog.

[ Dog whining ]

That night I thought about the gift

Gramps had brought me.

How giving gifts used to be so simple.

And life was a never-ending bounty of riches...

I thought would never end.

Son?

Are you awake?

[ Dog barking in distance ]

[ Barking continues ]

[ Dog whining ]

I guess I should have been happy.

But I wasn't.

[ sighs ]

He's not a bad little pup.

He's got spirit.

Dad, why did Gramps leave?

You didn't send him home, did you?

[ Sighs ]

No one ever sent your grandfather home

Before he was ready.

Oh.

Gramps and I had a little talk this morning, Kev.

Well...

Kind of a talk.

We kind of agreed that, uh...

You should keep the puppy.

You did?

- We thought... - I don't want it.

And I didn't. I was sick of that puppy.

I was tired of being a pawn.

First you tell me I can't have a dog.

And then you tell me I should keep it.

Well, what about my decision?!

Doesn't it count?!

Course it counts.

Well, you sure don't act like it!

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Chuckling ]

What's so funny?

You remind me of someone I know.

I don't know. I guess it runs in the family.

I hope you decide to keep it, Kev.

I think we need a dog.

You, me, Gramps...

I think we need to do this.

And for some reason... maybe the way he said it...

I began to understand.

We need a dog, son.

He wasn't giving me an order.

My Dad was asking me...

For help.

He doesn't have a name.

Well, find him a name.

[ Dog whimpers ]

That morning,

As I stood with the man who was my father,

The son of my grandfather,

Who would one day be the grandfather of my sons,

I realized something...

That not all gifts are simple,

That some battles are fought out of love.

Come on, let's take him for a walk.

[ Dog whining ]

? To every thing (turn, turn, turn) ?

? There is a season, (turn, turn, turn) ?

? And a time to every purpose under heaven ?

? A time to gain, a time to lose ?

? A time to rend, a time to sow ?

? A time for love, a time for hate ?

? A time for peace ?

? I swear it's not too late ?

[ Dog barks, growls ]

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