Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? -? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Somebody who knows quite sure ?

? Baby ?

? By with a little help from my friends ?

? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

In the game of life, there are few certainties.

"car accident... pay $5,000 if not insured."

Cough it up, Carla.

[ Chuckles ]

Your turn, Kev.

In fact, most things are left to chance.

"get married." give me a pink one.

Who is she, Kevin?

Marcia Brady. No, no. Nancy Sinatra.

There's someone for everyone, we're told,

But the search for that one person

To ride through life beside you is serious business...

[ laughter ]

Especially when you're 13.

Paul, it's your turn.

It's a matter of trial, error, and pure dumb luck,

And, of course, chemistry.

Wow.

Do not try this at home.

Ah, chemistry... nothing like it.

Proceed with your experiments.

Remember, observation is the key.

Uh-huh, there was lots to be learned

By observing Susan fisher.

Miss fisher, will you please read

From your laboratory manual?

[ Pages rustle ]

"The following experiment"

Is one involving sodium and chloride,

"The basic components of salt."

Susan spanned the entire periodic table of elements.

She was gorgeous, exotic,

And thanks to Donald Wallach, totally unavailable.

[ sighs ]

Still, there was something

About the way that woman said...

"sodium chloride precipitate."

That set my blood boiling.

[ Inhales deeply ] hey!

Pay attention, or you'll get burned.

Linda Sloan, on the other hand,

Was my, well, lab partner.

I was paying attention.

Sure you were.

She was smart, funny...

[ chuckles ]

And comfortable.

Mix your precipitates and stand back.

Think we're ready for this?

[ Sighs ]

As we'll ever be.

No question about it... Linda was really, really...

[ steam hisses ]

A great guy.

[ liquid bubbling ]

Here goes.

Wow!

[ laughter ]

Maybe next time.

Sure.

But in chemistry, as in life, the realities are clear.

Some combinations make sparks...

Some don't.

With one small footnote.

Never get involved, Kev.

What's the matter, Paul... Carla problems?

She wants me to take her miniature golfing.

So?

So I just took her miniature golfing.

[ Sighs ] the woman is killing me.

I mean, she has me on a leash.

Uhhuh.

You had to take Paul's bellyaching

With a grain of salt.

The guy was really happy only when he was henpecked.

Women.

Well, Paul, if you're so miserable,

Why don't you just break up with her?

I should. You know, I really should.

[ Sighs ]

But then who am I gonna take to the dance Friday night?

I mean, I can't go alone.

Nobody goes alone.

Well,almost nobody.

So, who are you going with?

Oh, I-I'm not sure yet.

Oh, I get it.

Still planning your move, huh, checking out the field?

Yeah, kind of.

Actually, I'd resigned myself

To spending the evening watching Craig Hobson

Drop dead flies in the punch bowl.

I know. Why don't you ask her?

Susan fisher? Are you nuts?

Why not? She's available.

Paul, she happens to be joined at the hip to Donald Wallach.

Man, you got to put yourself in the loop.

Donald and Susan broke up.

Carla heard it from Melissa Bemil

Yesterday at lunch.

Go ahead... ask her.

No. I couldn't.

Come on, take a chance.

You only live once.

It was powerful logic...

Assuming, of course,

That Paul, Carla, and Melissa Bemis were right.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

There was only one sure way to find out.

I'd just gather up my courage, walk right up to her, and...

[ sighs ]

Eavesdrop.

I swear...

Donald can be so stuck-up sometimes.

I told him so, too.

Good. Rumor confirmed.

Now all I had to do

Was get her to notice old un-stuck-up Kevin Arnold.

Well, I got to get going now. See y'all later.

- Bye. - Bye.

Ugh!

[ laughter and applause ]

Or I could just lie here until school was over

And ask the janitor to let me out.

Nice move overall,

But your back was slightly arched on the dismount.

I'll give it a 9.

The chair broke, okay?

They'll do that on you.

[ Sighs ]

I don't think she saw you, anyway.

Who?

Susan fisher.

What makes you think I'd care if Susan fisher saw me?

Oh, I don't know... a wild guess.

Boy, when it comes to women, you don't know anything, do you?

What do you mean by that?

I mean your technique is a little off.

But don't worry. It's correctable.

You just need a little advice.

[ Scoffs ]

Me? Are you kidding? Why would I need advice?

Sorry. You're right. What was I thinking of?

See you, Mr. Smooth.

[ Cash register bell dings ]

How do you like that? Advice... what a joke.

So, what's your advice?

You want to ask Susan fisher to the dance, don't you?

Well, I...

Come on, don't kid a kidder. Women know these things.

You want to ask Susan, but you don't know what to say.

Well...

And you're afraid

You're gonna make a fool of yourself, correct?

Kind of.

"Kind of"?

This girl was reading my mind like a phone book.

So, how should I do it?

Let's see.

How about something like, "hi, Susan.

I was wondering if you'd like to go to the dance with me"?

Really?

Works for me. Just be casual.

Don't look anxious or nervous.

Be yourself.

You think she'll say yes?

That depends whether or not

She wants to go to the dance with you.

I'm serious.

Well, why not?

You're a cute guy.

But don't let it go to your head.

Look, there's only one way to find out...

Just march right up and ask her.

Sounded simple enough...

Just march right up and ask her...

As soon as I had the nerve.

[ sighs ] Carla's mad at me.

Again?

I forgot our three-month anniversary.

She was expecting roses.

Oh, I'm sorry, Paul, but...

She knows I'm allergic to flowers!

I'm telling you,

I'm seriously thinking about becoming a bachelor again.

I mean, look at you... no woman controls your life.

Paul, I'll talk to you later, okay?

What if the day comes

When I don't feel like playing miniature golf?

I'll see you later!

I couldn't worry about Paul.

Right now, I had a rendezvous with fate.

Susan.

Hi.

Hi...

Kevin.

Kevin!

Kevin.

Whew!

How are you?

Fine, thank you. How are you?

All right, now devastate her with your wit.

So, could you believe Cantwell today?

[ Chuckling ] He's quite the character.

Yeah.

Good, good.

Now, Linda said just be myself,

So a little hesitation for just the right effect, and...

So, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to go, uh...

Susan. Susan, we have to talk.

Donald, I was talking to Kevin.

Unbelievable.

I'd blown a golden opportunity, and whose fault was it?

Mine?

I just shouldn't have asked her in the first place.

Seems to me you didn't ask her out at all.

Seems to me you chickened out.

I didn't chicken out.

It's just that I think she's back together with Donald...

That's all.

Oh.

Look, it's no big deal, anyway. I'm just not going to the dance.

Oh.

[ School bell rings ]

Hey!

Want to hear a stupid idea?

What?

Oh, no, forget it. It's really stupid.

Come on, what?

Well, I was just thinking,

Since you're not going to the dance

And I'm not going to the dance, why don't we go together?

Together?

Yeah, as friends.

As friends?

Why not? It might be fun.

She did have a point.

Another Friday night

Sharing the couch with Wayne and Delores

Wasn't exactly enticing.

Well, why not?

Great.

Sure, why shouldn't two friends

Go to a dance together?

And to think I'd almost humiliated myself by asking...

Kevin...

Where did you run off to?

I, uh...

I thought you were gonna ask me something.

I was?

Something about science class?

Oh, that.

Um, just...

Okay, now, keep calm.

Say something brilliant.

What's the atomic weight of barium?

Uh-huh.

I'm sure I don't know.

Oh. Then I'll just look it up.

Are you going to the dance on Friday?

Yeah.

I mean, I-i think so.

I hope so.

Huh?

Maybe you'll save me a dance, then.

Okay?

Was she joking? Save her a dance?

I'd save every tango, every twist,

Every polka, every frug in the book.

And suddenly, my life was complete.

This was bliss... no, more than bliss...

This was Susan fisher and me...

[ knocking on window ]

And, of course, Linda.

[sighs]

I tell you, the strain is killing me.

Don't give up now. It's only two.

No, I mean this whole thing with Carla.

Well, did you get her the roses?

It cost me $8.67...

Not to mention this rash on my arm.

It's a lucky thing she didn't ask for carnations.

Carnations give me shingles.

It's getting too complicated, Kev.

Maybe I should break up with her.

Paul. -Maybe I'll go to the dance with you.

[ Whistle blows ]

I, uh, I can't.

You're going with Susan fisher?!

Not exactly...

But she did ask me to save her a dance.

All right.

Except I'm... my date is Linda Sloan.

- You dog! - Huh?

Babes crawling all over you... what a life.

Paul, it's not that great, okay?

Yeah, right.

Paul, really. What am I gonna do?

I can't be with two girls at one dance.

I see what you mean.

In that case, there's only one solution...

You got to ditch one of them.

Hey, it's the only honorable thing to do.

[ Whistle blows ]

[ Sighs ]

Honorable, sure,

But I wasn't gonna just ditch Linda.

I was thinking of a more gallant plan of action

I was gonna weasel my way out of this.

So, what time are you picking me up tomorrow night?

Uh, Linda, did we say

We were definitely, definitely, going together?

I thought so. Why?

Uh, nothing. It's just...

I hope you're not trying to weasel your way out of this...

'cause I already turned down Steve Padway.

Steve Padway asked you to the dance?

After you and I decided to go.

I wasn't about to let you down.

[ Sighs ]

Look, if you want,

I'll wear a sign that says

"Kevin Arnold is just my friend," okay?

I'll pick you up at 7:30.

Great.

Okay, so I'd failed as a weasel.

Linda was right... I couldn't let a friend down.

[ doorbell rings ]

I'll get it, Mom!

Besides, it's not like I had to worry about

Getting flowers to match her dress.

This was sort of like going to the dance with Paul...

Hi.

Only not at all.

Hi.

Would you like to come in for a second?

Sure.

You sail?

Yeah, my family goes every summer.

I was in a competition last year.

You never told me that.

Here, I got something for you.

It was either this or one of those plastic lizards.

The amazing thing is,

Even with the pretty dress and all the makeup

And even though she was pinning a flower on my lapel

And even though her hair smelled like new-mown hay

In a tropical garden on the first day of spring...

There.

[ Chuckles ]

She was still the same old Linda,

My buddy, my pal.

? Your love keeps liftin' me higher ?

? Than I've ever been lifted before ?

20 foot waves?

The boat was going crazy!

If we hadn't cut the sheet,

We would have gone over for sure.

Oh, it must be great out there on the high seas like that.

You know, someday I'm gonna take a boat around the world.

A sailboat?

Yeah, I think so, just me and my Dad.

Have you plotted your course yet?

Well, we haven't really talked about it a lot yet.

Actually, I had never said that out loud

To anyone in my life.

I've got this really great atlas

You can borrow sometime if you want.

Sure.

Okay, I admit it...

I was having fun, at least, more than I'd expected.

? Now, once, I was downhearted ?

Hey, guys. Where have you been?

Paul, where's Carla?

History... I broke up with her. I'm a free man.

What?

But you guys were so good together.

Hey, there's other fish in the sea.

Boy, this is gonna be great...

The babes, the music.

I got to get out there and sow my wild oats.

? Higher ?

Wild oats?

It's just an expression.

He's fooling himself. He's not gonna be happy.

He'll miss her.

Linda?

- Hi, Steve. - Padway, what do you want?

Uh, would you like to dance with me?

Well, if you don't mind, Kevin.

? Ah ?

Of course I could have said "no"...

Technically, I mean.

Still...

Hey, you don't need my permission.

I'd love to, Steve.

Great.

Thanks a lot.

He's crazy about you. It's obvious.

? Crimson and clover ?

Yeah, right. Now what am I supposed to do?

Just be yourself... works for me.

? Ah ?

? Well, if she come walking over... ?

It was strange.

Watching Linda dance with Steve Padway,

I felt almost...

Well, I mean, she was funny...

And smart and comfortable.

And she...

Kevin?

? Yeah ?

Hi.

Humina, humina, humina.

Ready for our dance?

Was Rhett Butler ready for Scarlet O'Hara?

Was Antony ready for Cleopatra?

? La la la la la la ?

As we stepped out onto that dance floor,

I was prepared to take my place

Among the world's greatest romances.

? Crimson and Clover ?

No more admiring Susan from a distance.

She was here in my arms...

The perfect woman, the perfect song...

? yeah ?

? Ia la la la la la ?

The perfect Moment.

? My mind's such a sweet thing ?

? Ia la la la la la ?

? I wanna do everything ?

? Ia la la la la la ?

? What a beautiful feeling ?

Cheers.

Cheers.

To us.

I wanted to enjoy this Moment forever...

Kevin Arnold with Susan fisher,

Kevin Arnold with the girl of his dreams,

Kevin Arnold with...

Absolutely nothing to talk about.

Would you hold this a minute? I'll be right back.

No sweat.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Where'd you disappear to?

Linda, hi.

How was your dance with Steve?

It was okay.

For me?

No, this is Susan's!

Oh.

Maybe I didn't say that in exactly the right way.

She's gonna be right back.

I mean, she's already drunk out of it,

But there's more.

At that Moment,

I guess I felt like crawling into that punch bowl

And pulling the ice cubes over my head...

But I knew I couldn't.

She's not so great, you know.

Linda, I...

Don't say it.

I understand.

? Oh, my love ?

? My darling ?

So, uh, you don't mind if I go find Steve Padway, do you?

? I hunger for your touch ?

I don't mind.

? A long... ?

I'll see you in science class.

? ...Lonely time ?

It was the first heart I'd ever broken,

And in a way, my own heart was aching a little, too.

It didn't seem fair.

I really liked Linda,

But the fact was I just didn't feel about her the way...

? and time can do so much ?

Susan fisher felt about Donald Wallach.

? Are you... ?

Maybe she'd just been toying with me,

Or maybe she'd used me to get back with Donald.

? I need your love ?

In any event, it was pretty clear...

Paul wasn't the only one who had been fooling himself.

[ microphone whines ]

This dance is for Paul from Carla.

[ Chuckles ]

? God speed your love to me ?

All our young lives,

We search for someone to love...

? oh, my love, my darling ?

Someone who makes us complete.

? I've hungered, hungered for your touch ?

? A long, lonely time ?

? And time... ?

We choose partners and change partners.

? ...Goes by so slowly ?

? And time can do so much ?

We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope...

? are you still mine? ?

All the while wondering

If somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect...

Who might be searching for us.

? I need your love ?

? I ?

? I need your love ?

? God speed your love to me ?

[ Finale plays ]

[ Music ends ]

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