Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? -? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Somebody who knows quite sure ?

? Baby ?

? By with a little help from my friends ?

? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

Every kid needs a hero.

Everybody knows that.

They teach us about courage...

About ideals...

About life.

Sometimes heroes are easy to spot.

But sometimes... They turn up in unlikely places.

Square both sides of the equation,

And complete your solution, and then prove it

By substituting both roots in the original equation.

Mr. Collins and I had been through a lot together...

A lot of math, anyway.

The square root of x minus 2 is x minus 2 times x minus 2.

X equals x squared...

We'd kind of started out on the wrong foot,

But the more I got to know him, the more I...

Well... I liked the guy.

And that is how we solve equations

Involving a single radical.

He wasn't exactly what you'd call "cool"...

Questions?

Mr. McCormick.

Is there any of this stuff we should know for the test?

All of it.

All of it?

I wouldn't teach it if I didn't think you should know it.

But he was fair.

I suggest, in particular,

That you study the equation on the board.

That is likely to be on your quiz.

You had to respect the guy.

At least I did.

And I'd like to think that respect was mutual.

Mr. Arnold.

Do you find something amusing?

Uh... No. Nothing.

[ School bell rings ]

For tomorrow...

Review unit 14... "roots and radicals."

What a doofus!

[ laughter ]

Maybe to some,

But to me, the man was kind of a hero.

He made me want to do my best.

Not that my best was anything to brag about, but...

[ sighs ]

This is a bear.

Why'd I ever let Mr. Collins talk me into advanced math?

Oh, come on, Paul. You're doing fine.

At least I didn't have to suffer the anxieties

Of a major-league math jock.

[ sighs ] I don't know.

Look what I got on my last quiz.

A "b."

So, what's wrong with a "b"?

A "b" is like kissing your sister.

So, who am I kissing?

Uh... Look, I-i didn't mean it like...

No, it's all right, Paul. I'm fine about it, really.

I'm gonna go check out some books.

Fact was, I was kind of proud of my paltry "c."

I'd worked hard for it,

And, heck, we can't all be "Joe algebra."

Besides, who knew?

With a little more effort and a teacher like Collins...

Right. Collins?

The guy lives on the planet Pythagoras.

He couldn't find his nose with both hands and a slide rule.

[ laughter ]

Wait a minute. What was this?

I don't know. Sounds risky.

You kidding? It's easy. Nothing to it.

Look at this.

It's our math book. So what?

You sure about that?

Whoa! It's the teacher's edition.

Where'd you get it? Hey, I got it, okay?

Collins' quizzes are straight out of the book.

And this book... Has all the answers.

It was weird.

I'd never figured McCormick for a... Cheater.

I don't know.

Hey, you were the ones complaining about your grades.

If you want to start pulling b's instead of d's...

Well, how would we do it?

Okay, um, first we need a code.

So, whenever we talk about it, we'll say, um...

"how 'bout those Mets?"

- Hey, that's great. - Cool.

So, uh... Back to the grind, huh?

- Yeah, let's go. - Yeah. See ya, Eddie.

Shh!

I couldn't believe it. Were these guys crazy?

Cheating in Collins' class?

That didn't seem right.

Morality is a luxury in combat, men.

And "fair"...ls for fairy tales.

The laws of survival... cunning... Wits...

Kill... Or be killed.

Gentlemen...

I give you... Dodgeball.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Bingo! Direct hit!

Of course, in junior high school,

You're never too far from the outer edge of civilization.

- Hey, Arnold! - McCormick.

You didn't happen to overhear our conversation

In the library today, did you?

Why? Worried about something?

Nah. I know you'd never rat on us.

Jungle tactics, men.

Show no mercy.

Ugh!

I was just gonna say, uh, if you want in...

Was he joking?

No not interested.

Have it your way.

Come on. Let's see a little offense.

Very nice, McCormick.

You're never gonna get away with it. You know that.

Why is that?

'Cause you know Collins... he'll figure it out.

And then he'll eat you for breakfast.

[ Sarcastically ] well, what was I thinking?

It was a dumb idea.

You're right, Kevin.

Come on! Focus! Concentration, commitment!

All I'm saying is that Collins...

Come on, Arnold.

Don't be a dunce. Collins isn't god.

He's a middle-aged algebra teacher in a bad suit.

Oh, yeah?

Well, this guy was in for a surprise.

All right, it's your funeral.

We'll see.

Yeah, we'd see.

At least he couldn't say I hadn't warned him.

Now it was up to him if he wanted to get...

Ugh!

You're out, Arnold!

[ Whistle blows ]

[ School bell rings ]

Have your pencils ready. Books off the desk.

You have 20 minutes to complete this quiz.

All right, dodgeball was one thing.

Mr. Collins was quite another.

I almost felt sorry for these guys.

Did they actually believe they could pull this off?

Begin.

Well, that didn't take long.

Here it came.

Target sighted.

Lock on radar, and...

I believe we have contact.

Huh?

I couldn't believe it. Collins had missed it.

Right under his nose, and he missed it.

Mr. Arnold.

Is something distracting you?

Uh... No, sir.

Then I would suggest you concentrate on your own work.

Yes, sir.

Okay, sure, if that's the way he wanted it.

Let McCormick cheat. Wasn't my problem, anyway.

Nope, I'd just go about getting my usual c's, here.

A "d"?!

You got a "d"?

I don't understand. I mean, I got a 72.

Last week, I got a 72, and it was a "c."

Let me see this.

Hmm. He must be grading on the curve.

The curve... you heard stories about it,

But you never thought it'd happen to you.

It's kind of a parabolic way of grading.

Imagine the grade distribution of your class

Is like a bell...

Paul, I know what a curve is.

At least, I knew enough about it to smell a rat.

[ laughs ] yeah. Look at that.

So, what you're saying is, if there were some students

That were getting c's and d's last week

And this week are getting a's and b's...

That's it! That could affect your grade!

What'd you get?

Great.

But I wouldn't worry about it.

I mean, I'm sure it's just temporary.

What makes you think that?

Well, an entire grade average doesn't change overnight.

That much is obvious.

Uh-huh. Obvious to Paul, maybe.

But what about to Mr. Collins?

It was time for Mr. "tough but fair"

To put a stop to this.

Oh, come on.

It was so obvious!

Right out in the open.

Could Mr. Collins really be so... Blind?

[ school bell rings ]

It was time to have a little talk.

Mr. Collins?

Yes?

It's about the quizzes, sir.

What about them?

Well, do they always have to come from the book?

That is what I told the class at the beginning of the term.

Yeah, well...

Isn't that a little bit predictable?

There. Now he was catching on.

I knew I could count on him.

Kevin... Are you having a problem?

Uh... No.

It's just this... Curve, sir.

Well, don't you think it's a little unfair?

No, I don't think so.

Well...

It just seems to me that...

This system might not be right...

For... This class, anyway.

There. I'd practically drawn him a map.

What was he gonna say to that?

Thank you for your feedback, Mr. Arnold.

But I would suggest that you not concern yourself

With the rest of the class.

Huh?

Every problem...

Contains its own solution, Mr. Arnold.

What was this guy saying?

It was like talking to a fortune cookie,

While my grade was sinking like a...

Is there anything else?

No.

And that's when I realized I'd been wrong about the man.

This was no hero.

This was just a middle-aged guy in a bad suit

Teaching junior-high algebra.

[ blows nose ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

It wasn't fair.

Those jokers were getting a free ride

While the conductor was asleep at the switch.

Hey, McCormick!

Yeah?

It was time to put things right.

I was going to take control of the situation.

What?!

It was now or never.

How 'bout those Mets?

[ Chuckles ]

Yeah. All right.

And so began my life of crime.

The funny thing is, I thought it'd be hard, but...

McCormick was right.

It was easy.

At first.

A "b."

Kevin, this is wonderful. I'm so proud of you.

Pretty soon, though...

See?

When you apply yourself, you get what you deserve.

Things started to get more complicated.

You got a b-plus? Kevin, you math stud, you!

Then again...

Hey, maybe I should study with you.

What can I say?

What could I say?

Aminus.

Kevin, I'm so proud of you.

It was all a little confusing.

I hear Mr. Collins is really hard.

Well, yeah, but it...

You're so smart.

I mean, where was it all gonna lead?

Maybe you could help me with some of my math.

An "a."

Okay, maybe I'd gone too far.

But I couldn't help myself.

After all, it was pretty clear

Nobody was minding the store here.

If Collins didn't care, why should I?

Mr. Arnold.

May I speak to you for a Moment?

And then, suddenly, I cared.

Okay, the important thing here is not to whimper.

Just put your head on the chopping block

And pray for a clean stroke.

I've just been looking at your grades.

Yes, sir?

You shot up from a 72 two weeks ago

To an 85, to an 87, to a 92, and today a 96.

Now, wouldn't you say that was pretty remarkable?

Well...

I guess so.

I've been thinking about what to do about it.

In a way, it was a relief.

I guess, on some level,

I just wanted the whole thing to be over.

I'd like to put you in my honors math class.

Excuse me?

We'd have to juggle your schedule,

But I think we could manage that.

It's a very demanding class,

But, uh, based on your work in here,

I think you're ready for it.

What do you think?

Sounds like fun.

Good.

You can start tomorrow.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Well, there you had it.

Then prove it...

I was up the proverbial creek without a slide rule.

In the original equation, thus...

This is gonna be great, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, "great" was the word.

In order to remove the denominators,

We multiply both sides of the equation

By 5x times x minus 3.

And the result is...

I was a stranger in a strange land.

Of course, when we solve quadratic equations

By completing the square,

It is necessary to make one member of the equation

A perfect square trinomial.

Both sides of the equation...

Did you get what he just said?

When you solve quadratic equations by completing the square,

You have to make one member of the equation

A perfect square trinomial.

Yeah.

That's, uh...

That's what I thought he said.

4x plus 4.

All right, who can solve the equation?

Ooh!

Uh, Isaac newton?

Enrico Fermi?

Kevin Arnold?

Uh...

Uh...

Put your hands down.

Mr. Arnold?

I was trapped!

Could you repeat the question?

73, 286, 12, 12.

What?

13, 440, 11, 57.

What's he talking about?

4, 7, 615, 42.

- What?! - 5, 68, 93.

I don't know what you're saying!

[ All saying numbers ]

What?!

69, 1,000, 200...

I don't know this stuff!

44, 96, 27, 92.

I don't know what you're saying.

230-5, 172.

The square root of 14 billion, 3,000, 622,000...

Stop! No! Please!

89, 17, 67, 24.

Stop! N-o-o-o!

Submitted for your approval...

A boy suffering the tortures of algebra.

He went looking for easy answers,

But somehow it didn't add up.

Let "x" equal an unknown quantity.

Let "y" go left unanswered.

If six bald men get on a train going a hundred miles per hour,

How many stops before you reach...

The twilight zone?

Well, I'd learned one thing in advanced math.

I'd learned I was going to fail.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow,

But soon... and for the rest of my life.

Hey, McCormick, wait up!

Hey, guys...

Hey, McCormick.

I got a problem.

Hey, man, I got my own problems.

What are you talking about?

Didn't you hear?!

We all got f's on the unit test,

And the unit test counts for 50% of the grade.

It's Collins, man. He's totally out to lunch.

He's supposed to take the tests out of the book,

Just like the quizzes.

He doesn't know what he's doing.

Maybe.

But suddenly, I was beginning to wonder...

You're dead, Eddie!

Come on, guys, get out of my way.

- Hold it, McCormick. - We're not done with you yet.

About a lot of things.

I began to realize that with the curve,

If I'd just stayed put,

Then my "c" could have been a "b"...

A real "b"...

One that I earned.

The funny thing is,

McCormick and the others had paid their price,

While I was left alone...

[ clock ticking ]

With nothing but my conscience...

Staring me in the face.

This wasn't gonna be easy.

Mr. Collins?

Had enough?

But... How...

Every problem contains its own solution, Mr. Arnold.

All right, now, please take your seats and settle down.

So, it was back to long hours, hard work,

And respectable c's.

It felt good.

You may begin.

As for why Collins had singled me out,

I could only guess.

But the man had said,

"every problem contains its own solution."

Mr. Arnold.

Do you have a question?

Uh... No.

No.

So, I guess he'd wanted me to solve this one...

On my own.

[ Paul Simon's "American Tune" plays ]

? Many's the time I've been mistaken ?

? And many times confused ?

? Yes, and I've often felt forsaken ?

? And certainly misused ?

? Oh, but I'm all right ?

? I'm all right ?

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