Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? -? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Somebody who knows quite sure ?

? Baby ?

? By with a little help from my friends ?

? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

Growing up in the suburbs in the '60s,

You were pretty much sheltered from the forces of change

Unleashed by the outside world.

But what about the forces of change unleashed from within?

[ Bell rings ]

Change... not always a pretty sight.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

In fact, it could get pretty ugly.

But that was the stuff that movies were made of.

That wasn't the real world.

[ woman screaming on television ]

Or was it?

Oh, my lord! They're coming to visit!

Who?

The Pruitts... Phil and Claire.

They're gonna be in town next week.

It's been eight years.

Actually, it had been nine years.

I remembered the occasion quite distinctly.

It was something I'd just as well have forgotten.

Kevin, you remember little Gina, don't you?

Not that anyone was gonna let me.

Gina... Gina...

You two were always so cute together.

You were like twins.

A little more than twins, weren't you, Kev?

Come on. We were 4 years old.

In broad daylight, one little innocent game of "Ben Casey,"

And I was marked for life.

Give the kid a break, huh?

Phil looks like he's put on weight.

And look... Gina's really growing up.

It was hard to imagine, little Gina Pruitt...

Always a scab on her knee, a dirty face...

Loved to make mud pies.

Hello!

What a pretty young girl she turned out to be.

[ Ding! ] -paging dr. Arnold.

Paging dr. Arnold.

Maybe you can show her a nice time when they're here.

For this girl?

I'd swim the deepest ocean, climb the highest mountain.

Well... If... if you really think I should.

Yep. Talk about change. This was total metamorphosis.

Jack?

Oh.

Uh-huh.

Nature was definitely smiling on me.

[ thunder crashes, wind howls ]

Nature... a harsh mistress.

A planet which appears to be engulfed

In a blue-green dome of tranquility

Is, in reality, a swirling mass of matter

In the constant throes of transition.

This girl had a crush on you?

Yeah, well, in kindergarten.

And she's coming to your house?

Maybe I was bragging,

But I knew Paul would appreciate my good fortune.

Oh, man. I'd be worried.

Worried?

What if something goes wrong?

Wrong? Paul, what could possibly go wrong?

For centuries, man has tried to predict

When and where nature will wreak her havoc...

With no success.

I don't know. It just sounds too good to be true.

I mean, things like this don't just happen.

Apparently, Cantwell and Paul shared the same world view.

Things fall apart.

Yeah, so, bottom line, Paul...

You happy for me or not?

Sure, I'm happy.

Good.

It's just that...

What?

[ Sighs ] you never know, Kevin.

That's the worst part...

You just... Never... Know.

Ah, well. The world is full of pessimists.

[ rooster crows, pastoral music plays ]

Me... I was optimistic about change.

I mean, look...

Even old Kevin Arnold wasn't turning out so bad.

A little taller, little more filled out...

Yeah, probably couldn't get away

Without shaving much longer.

You could feel the whiskers

Starting to push their way to the...

[ music stops ] wait a second.

This was no whisker!

This was... Doom.

This was disaster. This was...

A zit.

And not just any zit.

A zit!

My first zit.

[ door slams ]

Betrayed by my own glands,

I went through the four classic stages...

Denial...

No. No.

No, no!

Not now! Not me!

Anger...

Guilt...

And finally...

Depression.

Kevin, honey! Breakfast!

Still, maybe I was blowing this out of proportion...

Making a mountain out of a molehill.

Kevin! Honey!

I mean, maybe no one would even notice.

Honey, give the oatmeal a little stir

And fix a bowl for yourself, would you, please?

All right, what we needed to do here was to test the waters.

Uh, Mom... How does this shirt look?

It's... Pulling around the collar.

So far, so good.

Mom could spot dirty fingernails at the table

From 30 yards away.

If I could get past her...

Ooh. Looks like you got a little pimple there.

Mom...

Come on, you can barely notice it.

Really?

Oh, now, don't be so self-conscious.

I was 13 years old.

Being self-conscious was a full-time job.

Uh-oh.

What's with you?

Nothing.

I couldn't believe it. Wayne missed it.

I was in the clear.

Whoa! Check out the zit.

A zit?

Well... Let's have a look-see, shall we?

As usual, I could count on my family

To treat my private adolescent pain with compassion.

Looks pretty deep, Kev.

We might have to operate!

It's from all that junk food you eat.

You should stick to organics.

Compassion... Sensitivity...

And outright snickering.

My only hope was my friends would be more forgiving.

Ecch!

Paul.

- Have you been eating fried food? - Paul!

- Chocolate? - Paul.

[ Sighs ] I know.

- What? - Stress.

Have you been experiencing any stress lately?

Yeah... since the start of this conversation.

Can we just forget about it?

Yeah, sure, don't worry about it. I mean, it's no big deal.

Exactly, so could we just forget...

Oh, my god.

Isn't that girl coming this week?

Ladies and gentlemen, my best friend.

Isn't that always the way?

I told you something was gonna go wrong.

What are you gonna do?

[ Horn honks ] Paul was right.

I couldn't stand idly by.

I needed a plan.

Then it came to me.

As long as I could keep everyone

On the right-hand side of my face all day,

Things would be just fine.

[ panting ]

Hey, that's my seat.

This isn't assigned seating.

Yeah, but I like sitting by the window.

Paul, live a little, huh?

[ Sighs ]

Okay. So far, so good.

Next plan.

I had to get my mind off this stupid thing.

Krakatoa.

For years, a harmless sleeping giant of a volcano

Rising 6,000 feet above the quiet waters of Indonesia.

[ Volcano rumbles ]

[ Volcano erupts ]

Boom!

Untold tons of rock and ash disgorged into the atmosphere.

Man... the hapless victim of catastrophic change.

Yep. That was me, all right.

[ volcano erupts ] - boom!

Unless...

Wait a minute. Gina wouldn't be here for a week.

This thing was bound to clear up in a week.

Two days?!

Well, the Pruitts had a change of plans, honey.

They're coming in two days?!

[ Chuckles ]

Mom, they can't do this!

[ Chuckling ] honey, what's gotten into you?

I thought you were looking forward to seeing Gina.

Two days?

Oh, gee, that's perfect. She'll be here just in time.

In time for what?

Never mind.

Aw, Kev.

It won't be so bad.

After the first few hours, you probably won't even notice

All the pointing and whispering.

Oh, Gina!

All right, time was against me.

But I wasn't gonna be one of Mr. Cantwell's hapless victims.

If it was man against nature, I'd put my bets on me.

I was gonna be master of my own... Pores.

? Ain't no mountain high enough ? -? Uh-huh ?

So I scrubbed.

? Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh ?

- ? Ain't no river wide enough ? - ? Uh-huh ?

I buffed.

I polished.

? Ain't no mountain high enough ?

? Nothin' can keep me ?

I tried everything.

? Keep me from you ?

? Ain't no mountain high enough ?

And when it was all over...

I had the most well-groomed pimple on the block.

[ sighs ]

[ Bell rings ]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Pressure...

Building up from subterranean depths.

Magmatic eruptions beneath the earth's fragile surface.

By the next day, it was no longer a question

Of whether this pimple was gonna go away.

It was a question of how much bigger it was going to get.

Titanic eruptions

Eventually capable of supporting life.

The mineral-rich lava giving rise to thick vegetation.

Well, no sign of vegetation.

Yet.

Have you tried steaming your face in lemon water?

Paul...

No, really.

Mom says the only way to get rid of facial blemishes

Is hot towels and steaming lemon water.

Lemon water?

Yeah. Works every time.

Really?

It worked for you?

Well...

I never really...

Well...

Had a pimple.

Then how would you know anything

About getting rid of them, huh?

Hey, I was just trying to help, okay?

Yeah, well, that was the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Boom!

Stupid? Maybe.

But I was running out of alternatives.

So much for taking advice from a rank amateur.

[ door closes ]

It was time to enlist the help... Of a pro.

Go for it!

You think so?

That's what I would do.

Think what you like.

Wayne was a seasoned veteran on this turf.

Squeeze it!

I don't know.

It's the only way to get rid of it.

Oh, unless...

It makes it about 10 times bigger.

But, then again, it could just go away by tomorrow.

Or...

No. Oh, no.

The chances of that happening are really remote.

"Or" what?

Well, it could get infected and go directly to your brain.

Wayne!

Hey, if you don't want my help, that's fine.

I'm sure you're gonna figure it out by yourself.

[ Sighs ] wait.

Wayne's drawer...

The toxic wasteland of the Arnold bathroom.

[ Geiger counter clicking ]

Made you wonder if the atomic energy commission

Knew about this.

Here it is.

Don't ever say I didn't do anything for you.

Sure, I was suspicious.

But maybe Wayne finally saw a little of himself

In his younger brother.

Maybe he'd been down this hellish road himself

And understood the seriousness of the situation.

Give me a buck.

Or maybe he needed a buck.

What?!

Take it or leave it.

What could I say? These were desperate times.

And the thing did come with an ironclad guarantee

To vanquish even the toughest blemish.

Plus, I had a date with destiny.

[ birds chirping ]

[ "Over the rainbow" plays ]

Somewhere over the rainbow,

Where kids don't have to worry about their complexion.

[ Insect buzzing ]

[ Alarm clock buzzing ]

[ Buzzing stops ]

At least, that was the dream.

[ sighs ]

Okay, no sense in hoping for miracles.

At worst, it would be reduced to the size of...

[ volcano erupts ] ...Krakatoa.

It was bigger than ever!

And it was t-minus 12 hours

Until Gina Pruitt and I came face to disfigured face.

[ sighs ]

There was only one way to salvage my dignity,

My honor, my good name.

I was gonna have to lie.

What happened?

Happened?

To your face.

You want to know the truth?

Okay, here goes.

I... Got into a fight.

You what?

I got into a fight.

With who?

With who?

With...

With...

Him.

You got in a fight with Tony Barbell?

Heck, if you're gonna break a commandment,

You might as well get a little mileage out of it.

Yeah.

Why?

He was just... Saying some stuff.

What sort of stuff?

Whoops. Get out before you hang yourself.

Look, I'd rather not talk about this, okay?

Of course. I understand.

That must have really hurt.

Yeah, well...

I mean, getting hit right on that pimple.

[ Thud ]

Ever have one of those days?

I hear you're telling people me and you got in a fight.

What?

You heard me!

Listen, there must be some kind of mistake.

I-I didn't get into a fight with you.

So, why'd you say you did?

Ididn't...

Exactly.

Because I can tell you one thing...

If Tony Barbell ever punched you,

You'd end up with more than just a Band-Aid on your cheek.

[ laughing ]

All right, this was totally out of hand.

I'd almost gotten myself killed

By a guy who referred to himself in the third person.

And for what?

A lousy pimple, a stupid little, meaningless zit.

What did it matter in the great scheme of things?

Life was too short.

I had things to do, places to go...

[ doorbell rings ]

People to meet.

Claire, Phil, hi! Come on in!

[ Door closes ]

[ Indistinct conversation ]

- Where's Kevin? - I'll run and get him.

Well, the Moment of truth had finally come.

And I knew exactly what I had to do.

Bar the door and wait for adolescence to run its course.

[ knock on door ] - Kevin?

Uh... Don't come in.

Honey, Gina Pruitt's here.

Okay, it was time to lay out my final options.

I could hit the road...

Start running, keep running, and never look back.

[ knock on door ] - Kevin!

[ Knock on door ]

Or I could face reality.

Kevin, what is wrong with you?

Nothing.

I...Just don't feel like seeing them right now, is all.

I don't think I'm up to it.

It was my last hope... unabashed honesty.

With just a look, I was able to convey all the emotions

I'd been carrying around inside me for three days.

I couldn't go out there and humiliate myself.

She understood that.

Kevin, you are going to get out here right this minute.

Then again, maybe not.

[ sighs ]

Well, here he is!

Step right up, folks. Behold the freak of nature.

Not for the fainthearted.

Then, in a flash,

All of my insecurities flew away.

I saw beauty.

I saw grandeur.

I saw...

It was twice as big as the one on my cheek!

[ "over the rainbow" plays ]

[ Birds chirping ]

Hi!

Hi.

It's nice to see you again.

Yeah, you too.

It was purple mountains majesty,

Two pimples passing in the night.

[ woman screaming on television ]

Aaaaaaaaaah!

[ Growls ]

[ Screaming continues ]

I guess what I was finding out was that when things change,

It doesn't mean the end of the world.

Aaaaaah!

As a matter of fact,

Sometimes it could work out for the best.

The Pruitts left town a few days later,

And so did the pimple.

And I began to come to grips with the fact

That on the uncertain road through adolescence,

There were bound to be a few bumps along the way.

[ woman screams on television ]

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