Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? -? Try with a little help from my friends ?

- ? Whoa-oa-oa-oa, yeah ? - ? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

? Happy, happy birthday, baby ?

? Although you're with... ?

When Paul and I were little kids,

We had our birthdays only four days apart.

Come to think of it, we still have our birthdays

Only four days apart.

But I guess birthdays aren't as big a part of life

As they used to be.

? Would find me beside you ?

Man, we had some classic parties.

Year after year, we reached for manhood together.

? Baby ?

? No, I can't call you my baby ?

? Seems like years ago... ?

When we fell short, we fell short together.

God...

We couldn't wait to get older.

? ...We fell in love ?

So, what the hell's a bar mitzvah, anyways?

It's a ceremony when you become a man, stupid.

A man? Pfeiffer? Ha ha!

That's got to be the funniest thing I've heard all day.

Steve, are you hearing this?

Pfeiffer's about to become a man.

What's so funny about that?

You're not a man until you lose your virginity.

That's right, so I'd say you guys are little boys

Until you're at least 45.

Oh, I think that's optimistic.

Well, I mean, if you're actually

Talking about having sex with another person.

Oh, shut up, Wayne! You're just jealous.

Yeah, you're just jealous.

Jealous? Why? Because you get to wear

One of those little beanies on your head?

It's called a yarmulke!

And for your information, it happens to be a very big deal!

I get to stand up in front

Of all my friends and my whole family

And say prayers and make this big speech and stuff.

A speech? A speech?!

Well, now I'm jealous. Now I'm jealous.

[ Sighs ]

And then we have this huge party.

Oh, I've heard of those Pfeiffer parties.

Very hot. Very hot.

Catered, with all you can eat and drink.

Ooh.

And hundreds of guests

And all the girls I want to invite.

Make sure you keep 'em on a leash, now.

And a band.

A live band?

And tons of presents.

Well, if you figure a hundred people...

And they each bring one...

You're really gonna get a hundred presents?

Yeah, of course, and that's not including the money.

Like how much money?

It's no set amount, but I'd say...

Mm, maybe a thousand bucks.

Did he say...

A thousand bucks?

You got to be crazy. I'm not gonna pay that.

Well, let me talk to the mechanic.

Yeah, yeah. I'll hold.

So, what are you and Paul gonna do for your birthday this year?

Nothing, I guess.

Paul's having his bar mitzvah.

It's not that I was jealous of Paul.

It's not that I was feeling sorry for myself.

It's just...

Maybe there was a minibike in this for me somewhere.

That's right. I forgot.

Well, what are we gonna do about your birthday?

I don't know.

Well, it has to be something good.

You're turning 13. It's a big one.

I guess.

Just not the same without Paul, huh?

Either that, or it's just not the same

Without a hundred presents and a live band...

Aww, honey.

Okay. Good, good.

You got her right where you want her.

Now hit her with the trump card.

Well, I'm not sure I even want to do anything this year.

The martyr routine.

I mean, unless some...

$500?!

Since when does an alternator cost $500?

Well, what the hell does the transmission

Have to do with this?

Like I was saying, unless we could do like...

Look, just don't touch my car, all right?

Leave it just like you found it!

I'll be right down.

Better grab your coat.

I'll need a ride down to the garage.

- Don't worry, hon. - [ Clears throat ]

We're gonna do something fun for your birthday.

Right, jack? Yeah, how about we get Kevin

A brand-new alternator for his birthday?

Have some more chicken, Kevin.

I made it especially for you.

That's right. That's why it's called Chicken Kiev-in.

[ laughter ]

Dinner at the Pfeiffer's'. It was always an experience.

Okay, Kevin...

What's that say?

Alvin Pfeiffer, optometrist.

I think I was the only person he knew with 20/20 vision.

He loved me.

- "ketchup." - Incredible.

What a kid, huh? What a kid!

Al, leave him alone. He's eating.

Some more potatoes, Kevin?

Ida Pfeiffer, Mom extraordinaire.

I think I was the only person she knew

Who really liked her scalloped potatoes.

She loved me.

Debbie, don't slouch.

And get your elbows off the table, please.

I just put that down fresh.

Debbie Pfeiffer, Paul's little sister.

The only girl I ever knew

To whom I was her concept of the ideal male form.

She really loved me.

[ clears throat ] uh, great chicken, Mrs. Pfeiffer.

Chicken.

That reminds me of a story.

[ Children groan ]

And grandpa Pfeiffer.

He had a thousand stories,

And I was the only person

Who hadn't heard them all a thousand times.

And so, of course...

Kevin, when I was your age...

He loved me.

Like my grandson to your right,

I, too, had a bar mitzvah.

Cousin Heshy, cousin Moshe, and myself.

And we were very poor,

So all these fancy-shmancy gifts that you kids get today...

They weren't around.

So, do you know

What I got for my bar mitzvah,

My entrance into manhood?

A chicken!

That's right! A chicken!

It doesn't sound like much,

But in those days it was like gold.

So, I took this chicken,

And I put him on some hay outside the shul.

And then I started on my baruch.

I was very, very nervous, let me tell you.

Sweat pouring from every part of my body.

Oh, Dad. Dad. Dad!

I was standing up there, doing my thing.

In walks the chicken.

Right in front of the bima.

Sits down, starts to cluck.

And [pops lips] out pops an egg!

You must have been really mad.

Mad? No, no, no.

I had no right to be mad.

It was my bar mitzvah gift, and as my father always said...

Never look a gift chicken in the mouth!

My family is so weird.

Oh, this is a great occasion.

My family is here,

My grandson's friend is here.

So, Paul, tell me...

Yeah?

You studied hard?

Yeah.

You know all your prayers?

Mmhmm.

Then, I have something for you.

I wondered what it would be.

Money? Stock options? His own car?

The prayer book that I used to deliver my Baruch...

On that fateful night of the chicken.

My grandfather gave it to me.

And tonight...

I wish to give it to you.

Wow!

Pop, he'll get stains all over it.

Can't this wait until we clear the table at least?

No, it cannot.

My grandson...

You are on the verge of becoming a man.

You are about to inherit the love, the joy...

The bitterness of our people,

The tradition.

From my grandfather, to my father...

To me...

To my son...

And now to you.

Mazel tov.

2,000 bucks for a '66 impala?

That's a joke.

Maybe it was the glow of the half-glass of Manischewitz,

But I felt a sudden rush of family pride.

I mean, my family had a rich tradition, too.

All I had to do was figure out what it was.

Dad?

Hmm?

Where's grandpa Arnold from?

Look at that. Highway robbery.

What'd you say?

I said, um, where did grandpa Arnold come from?

Newark.

You know, one of these days I'm just gonna

Get rid of the damn cars and we'll all take the damn bus.

Well, like I was saying...

Mom?

Yeah?

I was just thinking about something.

Mmhmm?

Oh. I-i don't know.

See, um, I was over at Paul's house tonight for dinner.

And, see, grandpa Pfeiffer was telling all these stories

About his bar mitzvah

And when he lived in Russia and everything,

And, um, I started thinking about our family,

And I w... [ garbage disposal grinding ]

[ Loudly ] Is it some kind of law

That they have to run the garbage disposal

At critical Moments of psychological development?!

Mom?!

[ Grindings stops ] - yeah?

Ii was just asking you about where our family came from.

I mean, what are we?

What are we?

Yeah, you know, like, Paul's Jewish,

And Winnie's Irish, so, what are we?

Oh, well, gosh, Kevin,

That's kind of hard to...

Well, let me... let me see.

Jack's mother is Italian.

Well, actually, she's half-Italian

'cause her mother's Romanian.

And then, his father's polish. Pretty sure about that.

Then, my great-grandfather came over from Scandinavia.

He came over a long time ago

And married my great-grandmother,

Whose parents were welsh.

But, of course, she grew up in Ohio

Before they moved to Detroit.

And as my mother tried to put together the strands

Of our old and faded family tree,

I came to realize what so many Americans do

In search of their roots...

Or was it Norway?

I was a mutt.

So, the invitations are going out today!

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

I have one for you.

- Special delivery! - Thanks.

There's gonna be so many babes at this thing you wouldn't believe it.

I'm inviting Sandy McClouskey,

Jodie hart, and Christine Capone.

And I'm gonna make sure the band plays plenty of slow songs.

[ Both laugh ]

Ahem!

"Please share our joy, as our son, Paul Joshua,

Is called to the Torah on Saturday, march eight..."

Wait a minute.

It's on the 18th?

Well, yeah, I thought you knew that.

Yeah, but... That's my birthday.

Yeah, I know, but...

Yyyou didn't tell me it was on the 18th.

Yes, I did. It's supposed to be on the first Saturday

After I turn 13.

I told you that.

Yeah, but I didn't realize...

I didn't pick for it to be on that day or anything.

It's just that's when it's supposed to be.

Ii know.

I mean, I'd change it if I could,

But, I mean, you know, it's, like, really important.

It's like... it's like tradition.

[ Sighs ]

You're not mad, are you?

Well... No, I'm not mad.

It's just I-I'm not gonna be able to come, is all.

You're not?

Well, no.

I mean, my parents have this whole, big, huge thing

Planned for my birthday.

Not even for the ceremony?

Well, Paul, I can't help it

If you're having your stupid bar mitzvah on my birthday!

I mean, I'm really sorry to tell you this,

But you're not the center of the whole stupid world!

? Happy birthday ?

? to me ?

Wrench.

No, not the crescent. The three-quarter.

[ Wrench cranks ]

- Here. - Kevin, honey?

Paul's on the phone. Again.

Just tell him I'm busy!

It's the third time he called.

Well, I don't want to talk to him.

I'm helping Dad!

I guess the old guy must have sensed something was wrong.

Go ahead, Dad, ask.

"I haven't seen Paul around lately.

You two having a fight or something?"

Screwdriver.

Okay, so he didn't sense it.

I mean, what did I expect? The man wasn't a mind-reader.

I'd just tell him what was bothering me.

We aren't really talking to each other these days.

- Huh? - Paul and me.

We aren't really talking to each other.

Oh.

So, you know, I'm not gonna be going to his stupid bar mitzvah.

You don't say...

It's on the same day as my birthday.

[ Scoffs ] my 13th birthday.

Can you believe it?

I mean, the whole point of a bar mitzvah

Is so dumb, anyways.

I mean, he's only 13 years old,

And everyone's telling him that he's a man.

[ Scoffs ] and that's really stupid.

I mean, he's just a little kid, don't you think?

Dad?

[ Wrench cranks ] - huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's pretty stupid.

Dad?

Huh?

When did you first learn to work on cars?

I don't know.

It's just something I picked up along the way, I guess.

[ Dog barks ]

Was grandpa good at working on cars?

Oh, sure. I guess I learned mostly from him.

The fan belt looks a little loose.

Huh?

You know, you're right.

It's half-rotten.

I don't know why I didn't think to check that.

Hey, look, there's an extra fan belt in the toolbox.

Why don't you help me try to put it on?

Okay!

As I worked on the car with my father,

I began to realize what I'd been looking for all along.

I just needed recognition,

Something to tell me that I was growing up.

- Go ahead. All right. - Okay.

That's good. Hey, Wayne!

Get out here and start the car!

Ii can do it!

No, I don't think so, Kev. You're not tall enough.

Here, start it up nice and easy. Yes, I am!

Step aside, little sprout.

Don't give it too much gas till I tell you.

I don't want to flood the engine.

The story of my 12-and-three-quarter- year-old life.

As much a man as the next guy

Until the cards were on the table.

[ engine sputters ]

Then it's a fine "how do you do,"

A "pat him on the head," and...

Damn it, Kevin! Get the hell away from that engine!

That thing will take your hand off!

[ Engine sputters ]

[ Banging ]

Not anymore.

? Happy birthday, dear Kevin ?

? Happy birthday to you ?

? And you smell like one, too, yay ?

Well, my entrance into the teen years.

The big 1-3.

Could it get any sweeter than this?

Darn! Your Dad wanted to have the car back in time

For the party so we could all go for a ride after.

Yep... Paul gets a band and a thousand bucks...

And I get a ride in an impala with a new fuel pump.

Well, why don't we just start? He'll be along.

Here. Open mine first.

[ Paper rustling ]

A poem.

Here. I'll read it out loud.

It's called "the pain of youth."

The pain of youth...

All its slings and arrows...

Stands breathless, facing time.

Edging its way to the rim of the nest.

He is pushed, left to fall.

Fall.

[ Vehicle approaches ] fall to the earth.

And break, writhing in pain.

[ Horn honks ] oops! [ Chuckles ]

That's my ride. I got to go. Happy birthday, Kev.

Why don't you open the rest of your presents?

Yeah, presents.

Who needed a rite of passage?

Who needed a father's support?

I had...

A turtleneck.

A bathrobe.

A wallet.

- And finally... - A thesaurus.

Well, I just thought when you were writing a term paper or something,

And you wanted to say something is "good," for example,

Well, then you just turn to "good"

And you can say "considerate,"

"unblemished," or "pure."

Any synonyms for "extremely disappointed" in there?

[ Simon & Garfunkel's "bookends theme" plays ]

[ Man singing in Hebrew ]

[ Singing in Hebrew ]

[ All singing ]

[ Singing ]

? Amen ?

[ Simon & Garfunkel's "bookends theme" plays ]

[ Singing ]

? Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got love in my tummy ?

? And I feel like I'm lovin' you ?

? Love, you're such a sweet thing ?

? Good-enough-to-eat thing ?

? And that's just what I'm gonna do ?

? Ooh, love to hold ya, ooh, love to kiss ya ?

? Ooh, love, I love it so ?

? Ooh, love, you're sweeter, sweeter than sugar ?

I'll be right back.

? I won't let you go ?

Hi!

Hi.

Thanks for coming.

Sorry I was so late.

That's okay.

I felt like such a jerk up there.

No. You were good.

You had this big thing hanging from your nose,

But you were good. Stop it, butthead.

- [ laughs ] - Hey, Paul!

Come on over here! Come on. Dance now.

- Come on! - What?

Just come on!

[ "Have Nagila" plays ]

And so it turned out to be a great birthday after all.

I slow-danced with Paul's Aunt Selma.

I ate more than Mrs. Pfeiffer could have dreamed possible.

And in a funny way, when I look back on it,

I sort of feel like it was my bar mitzvah, too.

[ Simon & Garfunkel's "Bookends Theme" plays ]

? Time it was, and what a time it was, it was ?

? A time of innocence ?

? A time of confidences ?

? Long ago, it must be ?

? I have a photograph ?

? Preserve your memories ?

? They're all that's left you ?

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