Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? -? Try with a little help from my friends ?

- ? Whoa-oa-oa-oa, yeah ? - ? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

?Silent night?

? Holy night ?

? All is calm ? That Christmas of 1968,

My brother, Wayne, and I fell in love... ? All is bright ?

With color TV.

?'round yon virgin?

- It was more than love. It was lust. -? Mother and child ?

We were witnessing a modern miracle,

And we worshiped it like aborigines... ? Holy infant ?

From the black-and-white stone age.

?so tender and mild?-It was the first thing we'd ever agreed on.

- Cool. - Boss.

?Sleep in heavenly peace?-Even Mom and Karen tended to mist up

In the presence of all that almost-living color.

- Hello. Can I help you? - Oh.

?Sleep in heavenly peace?-Yeah, load a dozen of these babies into the car.

And make it snappy.

Well...

Unfortunately, there was one very small, very minor hitch.

You'd really have to talk to my husband.

You got to be joking.

8 bucks for a crummy, little stick like this?

A buck a foot.

That's highway robbery.

Not that my father was scrooge.

It's just that, every year around this time,

He'd... he'd go into kind of a... Slump.

Next year, we're gonna skip the damn tree.

It was a bad time to be hitting him up

For a major appliance.

Still, in an emergency,

There were ways to the big guy's heart.

Here, let me help you with that, Dad.

You had to kill him with kindness,

Drown him in goodwill...

Hey, I got it!

All the while, sending him very specific psychic messages.

TV, TV, TV, TV, TV, TV.

You okay?

- Sure. Why? - Looks like you got a headache.

Of course, you didn't want to tip your hand.

This was a delicate procedure that required the touch...

So, Dad, you gonna buy us that color TV or not?

Of a sledgehammer.

What TV?

He didn't tell you?

Uh...

What do we need a color TV for?

So you can watch things.

In color!

Watch what?

"Bonanza."

Baseball...

Football...

Uh...

Baseball.

TVs cost money, kids.

Uh-oh.

And money doesn't grow on trees. You know that.

Yeah, we did know that.

If there was one thing we knew,

It was that money doesn't grow on trees.

Come on, get in!

Still, he hadn't specifically said no,

So there was still hope.

After all, Christmas was a time

When impossible dreams came true...

When the Grinch turned good.

So, just maybe...

A buck a foot. You believe that?

Highway robbery.

Or maybe not.

Few things in life are less productive

Than the last 10 minutes of school before a major vacation.

Maintenant, tournez � page 67, s'il vous pla�t.

Alors, Guillaume?

Uh...

Je pense que...

Um...

Le...

[ tick! ]

Oh, well.

Joyeux Noel, everyone.

[ Bell rings ]

[ Indistinct shouting, cheering ]

I mean on average.

Counting socks and underwear?

Total annual tonnage.

See, well, I thought we were talking quality,

Not quantity.

Oh, come on, Paul.

I mean, you get Hanukkah presents every day for a week.

Paul and I had a standing argument

Over who made out better on the holidays.

Paul's lasted eight days,

Which I thought gave him the edge.

Well, let's see. I'll give you an example.

What's the one thing you really want for Christmas?

What's that got to do with it?

Just answer the question.

What did I want?

What would make things absolutely perfect?

? Dada-da ?

? Da-da-da ?

? Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh ?

? Da-da-da ?

? Da-da-da ?

? Ahh... ?

[ Tempo decreases, music stops ]

A TV.

I guess I want a color TV.

Kevin?

She was alone.

She was wearing perfume.

Hi.

Hi. I wanted to give you this.

What is it?

It's a present.

Sure. I knew that.

I wanted to tear it open with my teeth.

But don't open it till Christmas.

Okay?

Of course not.

A thousand thoughts were barreling through my head,

A million questions, a billion...

Well, see ya.

Wait. Stop her! Stop her!

Uh, I-i got something for you, too.

Good. A lie, but a-a good lie.

I just...

Don't have it with me.

Oh, that's okay. You don't have to.

Maybe I can bring it to your house?

I guess so.

Then I'll see ya.

In a matter of seconds,

My whole life had been bent into a question mark.

- What did this mean? - Hi.

Was it a message? [ Indistinct conversation ]

One thing I was sure of...

Winnie Cooper had never smelled better.

You're dreaming.

Huh?

You're never gonna get a color TV.

Hammer.

Maybe Paul was right.

The great color-TV campaign was sputtering.

Dad was a rock.

The situation was getting desperate.

So was Wayne.

Honey, you haven't been peeking in the closets, have you?

Screwdriver.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, look, everybody, it's the little bird in the cage! -Aw!

Remember, Daddy?

Uh-oh. Holiday traditions.

My family was honeycombed with them. Oh!

You know who gave this to us? Uncle mike.

Your uncle mike.

He used to say that it reminded him

Of the only girl he ever loved.

Pliers.

I hated those old stories.

There was a reason.

You know what I'm remembering?

And here it came.

The year Kevin played Santa in the school pageant.

Ugh!

Mom, look, you don't have to right now. It's...

I know, but you were so cute,

The way you came waddling in,

Just like a bowl full of jelly.

Yeah, with his pants almost falling off.

Had these people no mercy?

He was pretty cute.

Wait a minute.

Was that a smile on the old man's face?

An actual smile?

We'd caught him off guard. Now was our chance.

With the right combination of tact and finesse,

We might just... Dad, are you gonna get us that new color TV set or not?

Unbelievable.

What TV?

Nothing, honey.

What TV?

Really! Nothing.

Mom said that we were gonna get one.

Didn't you, Mom?

Obviously something critical had malfunctioned

In Wayne's brain.

I didn't say definitely.

I did say that your father and I might...

Everybody else has one.

[ Sighs ]

Fact is, I like color TV.

Fact is, I bet I like color TV as much as the next guy.

But let me ask you this.

Does anyone here have any idea

How much one of those sets costs?

$469.95.

Plus tax.

Minus the discount.

$434.40 total.

Looking back,

He probably meant that question to be rhetorical.

Nice going, butthead!

Me?! What did I do?!

Nice going, butthead!

Oh, well... One minute you're everybody's little Santa.

The next minute you're Benedict Arnold.

You guys have a lot to learn.

Don't you know anything about psychology?

This from a woman who'd read the cliff notes

For Kahlil Gibran.

I mean, you're backing Dad into a corner.

He wants to buy us a TV, but he wants to surprise us.

It's complex.

[ Door closes ]

Nice going, butthead!

Hey, you're the one who started all this.

Okay, I'd blown it.

There was dissension in the ranks.

I could take it.

But out there, down that hallway...

I'm not buying a TV, Norma.

We can't afford it despite what you...

What they think.

Well, I think we ought to...

It's not like I don't work hard for a living, you know.

I do what I can.

Honey, I know.

It's just that, when I saw it there in the store...

The TV... I saw the kids looking at it,

I saw us here, watching it, together.

They've grown up so fast, Jack.

Karen's almost leaving us.

Honey?

What the heck?

Why don't we just go for it?

You don't have to get me anything this year.

We'll... we'll eat hot dogs for a month.

You know it would make you feel good.

[ Dog barks in distance ]

[ Door closes ]

- [ Sighs ] - I couldn't sleep.

I felt confused.

Why couldn't things be simple,

The way they used to be, in the sixth grade?

Wayne?

You awake?

Angela!

It was all a riddle inside a riddle inside a...

A box.

And I had to find the answer.

Boy, Christmas was turning into a minefield.

[ bell dings ]

120 shopping minutes till Christmas.

In my family,

That's when the serious last-minute purchasing began.

Will you stop?!

Gee, look over there. Wonder what those are.

Why, they look like color TVs.

If Dad was planning a surprise,

He was sure playing it close to the vest.

Christmas?! Ha! Bah humbug!

But I had problems of my own.

I had to find a present for Winnie.

It had to be perfect.

It had to say everything without saying anything.

And it had to be under six bucks.

How about a book?

How about one of those paper weights

With the ice skater inside and the swirly snow?

Are you kidding? I hate those!

Well, my mother liked the one I got her.

Sorry.

It's okay.

Compromise was out of the question.

I had to find the right gift or die trying.

I can't tell.

I think I'm dying.

It smells like leaves I-in the ocean, at night.

Do you have anything like that?

Why don't we just pick up the phone

And ask Winnie what it's called?

We can't.

Why not? We can disguise our voices.

We could be Avon calling.

Paul could be amazingly dense when it came to women.

Fortunately, he had me to set him straight.

It's got to be a surprise. That's what she's expecting.

Oh.

See, that's why she gave me the present in the first place.

She wants me to make the next move.

- Oh. - Yeah.

[ Sighs ]

[ "Jingle bell rock" plays ]

[ Sneezes ]

[ Sneezes ]

? Dada-da ?

? Da-da-da ?

? Ahh-ahh-ahh ?

One question.

If she already has some, why get her more?

Okay, so it wasn't

What James Bond would give pussy galore.

007 wasn't getting by on 50 cents a week in allowance.

Besides...

It's the thought that counts.

I had to believe that. I had no choice.

Christmas eve.

In homes all over the known universe,

An age-old celebration was about to unfold.

A time of joy and harmony and family.

[ gunshot ]

Gee, would you look at that car?

I wonder what color it is.

[ Tires screech ]

Oh, wait. There's the ocean.

You think it's orange?

Nah, it's probably blue.

But how would I know?

Wayne! Turn it down.

That night, all the seams were showing.

Only Mom was in there pitching,

Like a lone fireman at a five-alarm blaze.

Eggnog, anyone?

Lydia Herschmuller just called

To remind us about the caroling party tonight.

I told her we'd be there with bells on.

[ Tires screech, explosion ]

Wayne! Turn it down!

You had to wonder...

Maybe every family was given only so much Christmas cheer

To begin with.

Maybe this year, my family had run out.

Whoops! That guy's eating a gray banana.

We have to sing "little drummer boy" tonight.

[ Television continues playing ]

This was pathetic.

Someone had to do something.

Hey, you remember the year I played Santa in the school play?

Well, I'd given it my best shot.

Nothing.

If we put on sunglasses,

We could watch this in black-and-green!

Wayne had finally reached the limit.

Hold on. I'm picking up some color here.

Oh, it's beautiful. It's...

Wayne! Will you just give it up?

We're not getting a TV!

Just forget it!

Well, I got to go.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Where do you think you're going?

I have a date.

On Christmas eve?

[ Scoffs ] why not?

What your father means...

It's Christmas eve. We spend Christmas eve together.

I can say what I mean.

?Jingle all the way?

I'm going out, Dad.

Nobody is going anywhere.

We're all staying right here.

[ Door slams ]

[ Door closes ]

I wasn't sure exactly what to expect at Winnie Cooper's.

But I had a pretty good idea. [ doorbell rings ]

? I'm dreaming ?

? Of a white Christmas ? - hi.

Hi.

- ? Just like the ones ? - I brought this for you.

? I used to know ?

Then you got my message.

? Where the treetops glisten ?

- Merry Christmas, sweetheart. - ? And children listen ?

? To hear... ?

Yes?

Holy cow, I'd never seen this person before in my life.

Uh... Is Winnie home?

No, she's not.

Can I help you?

No, that's okay.

You're the boy next door, aren't you?

Gwendolyn said you might be stopping by.

She did?

The Coopers decided to spend the holidays with relatives.

It was a last-minute decision.

She seemed to think you'd understand.

Understand what?

That nothing made sense?

That Christmas was a bust?

That my whole family was coming apart at the...

You... Do know about her brother, don't you?

Brian?

Oh.

Brian was killed last fall...

In Vietnam.

I know!

I-I know that!

[ Sighs ]

I guess I just... Forgot.

They needed time away. They'll be back in a few days.

Good night.

[ Door closes ]

At that Moment,

I felt like the dumbest human being on earth.

[ doorbell rings ]

[ Door opens ]

It was supposed to be perfume.

[ Intro to Joni Mitchell's "River" plays ]

? It's comin' on Christmas ?

? They're cuttin' down trees ?

? They're puttin' up reindeer ?

? And singin' songs of joy and peace ?

? Oh, I wish I had a river ?

? I could skate away on ?

? But it don't snow here ?

? It stays pretty green ?

? I'm gonna make a lot of money ?

? Then I'm gonna quit this crazy scene ?

? I wish I had a river ?

? I could skate away on ?

? I wish I had a river so long ?

? I would teach my feet to fly ? That night, I thought about a lot of things -

About Winnie...

About Brian...

About my family...

? oh, I wish I had a river ?-...About how things get lost or messed up.

? I could skate away on ?

? Silent night ?

? Holy night ?

? All is calm ?

? All is bright ?

? 'Round yon virgin ?

? Mother and child ?

? Holy infant ?

? So tender and mild ?

Nothing short of a miracle was gonna make this right.

? Sleep in heavenly peace ?

? Sleep in heavenly peace ? And then it happened.

[ wind howls ]

It started...

[ thunder crashes ]

To pour.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

The thing was, Dad just stood there.

We all wanted to run for cover.

But Dad was just standing there.

So we just stood there with him.

[ chuckles ]

[ laughter ]

Come on. What are we waiting for? Let's get out of here.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. All right, already. All right.

I don't even remember what I got for Christmas that year.

[ thunder rumbling ]

But Dad gave Mom a bracelet that knocked her socks off.

Oh, yeah, and he did get us that color TV...

Two years later.

Oh, man, eat 'em off the floor.

[ laughter ]

For me, that year,

Christmas stopped being about tinsel and wrapping paper

And started being about memory.

At first, that was disappointing.

Until I learned that memory is a way

Of holding on to the things you love,

The things you are, the things you wish to never lose.

And I learned from Winnie

That in a world that changes too fast,

The best we can do is wish each other merry Christmas...

And good luck.

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