Original subtitles

‐ I love relaxing with my girlfriend.

‐ He missed the puck?!

Get your hand out your butt and in the game!

‐ I am one lucky guy.

‐ [cellphone blips]

‐ Oh, it's my parents again.

‐ You gave your parents your real number?

‐ They wanna know why we're not watching the game

with them at our house.

Tell me the truth. I won't be mad.

Are you avoiding meeting my parents?

‐ Tsk. Yes.

‐ Aha! I knew it! You jerk!

‐ Allison, I'm... a rebel.

Whenever I'm around adults, especially parents,

I just start insulting them.

‐ Ha! Ha! Ha! You guys watching the hockey game?

‐ We are, but you and your pit stains are not invited,

so back away from the chips and move along.

‐ We will speak later, young man‐‐

after I change my shirt.

‐ See? I can't help myself. It's a gift and a curse.

I definitely can't meet your parents tomorrow.

‐ [cellphone blips]

‐ You don't have a choice this time.

My mom and dad want you

to come to the grand opening of their business.

They said if you don't show, I can't see you anymore.

‐ What?

[whining] Oh, why are they being such babies about this?

‐ To them, no boyfriend is good enough

for their sweet, little Alli‐Walli.

‐ Who's that? ‐ Me! Dummy!

Please! Don't give them an excuse to break us up.

‐ [heavy sigh]

Fine, I'll go to their grand opening.

‐ Great! I'm gonna call and tell them.

‐ MAX: [heavy sigh]

There's no way this ends well.

‐ ♪ Yes there is! ♪

After you smack‐talk Alli‐Walli's parents,

I get my best friend back.

‐ That's not happening. ‐ What? What? Ooh!

‐ You can't be seen up here.

‐ Bunnies before honeys!

Ahhhh!

‐ ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

‐ Allison, bad news.

I can't meet your parents tomorrow.

I have a‐‐ ‐ Crazy excuse you just made up?

‐ You don't know me.

‐ Max, you're gonna be fine.

My parents are normal people.

They're just a little intense.

I mean, it's a miracle I'm so laid back.

Hey, this is a school, not a half‐pipe, ya half‐wit!

‐ I cannot lose her.

‐ Oh, Mr. Cunningham,

you are as wise as you are fashionable.

[laughing] ‐ [groans] Phoebe.

Phoebe!

‐ What?

‐ Phoebe, uh, I need some help.

‐ Max, I'm literally in the middle of a tour right now.

‐ Oh, uh, I'll finish it for you.

Those are the lockers, that's upstairs,

and that's the nurse's office.

You smell sick.

‐ What is wrong with you?

‐ I know I have a problem, I can't talk to adults,

which is why I need you to go with me

to meet Allison's parents tomorrow.

‐ And that would help you how?

‐ Easy. I'll keep quiet so I don't say anything insulting,

and you charm them with your goody‐two‐shoes nonsense,

and since we're twins, they'll think I'm goody‐two‐shoes, too.

‐ Max, if you are lying, that means you're not trying.

‐ See? That's exactly the nonsense I'm talking about.

Please? Allison's parents are looking

for any reason to break us up.

‐ [sighing] Okay. Okay.

I'll go with you.

But only because Allison single‐handedly

cut down your pranking by 40 percent.

‐ You keep stats on that?

Pfft! Nerd.

‐ As for Allison's parents, that'll be a piece of cake.

Parents love me.

Oh, I've even got some killer new dad jokes.

‐ I'm sure.

‐ Hey, sure, I'm Phoebe. [snorting laugh]

‐ That wasn't funny.

‐ MR. CUNNINGHAM: [laughing]

‐ See? This dad gets it. [laughing]

‐ ♪

‐ CHLOE: Whee!

‐ That was a great dinner.

‐ Oh, it sure was, especially the grilled‐‐

[hiccups] ‐ [thunderous rumbling]

‐ [vase shatters] ‐ BARB: Oh!

‐ What was that?

‐ Your father has super‐hiccups.

They're like regular hiccups, but they destroy buildings‐‐

and beach houses we dreamed of growing old in.

‐ First of all, that house was built on a sandy cliff.

Second of all, I don't have the super‐hiccups.

I had one...

and now it's gone.

‐ Like my beach house.

‐ Ooh, "Cutesy Cow" is on. ‐ [banjo music]

‐ BILLY & NORA: [groaning]

‐ Can we all watch it together?

‐ BARB: Of course we can, sweetie.

‐ CUTESY COW: Hey, there, kids, it's Cutesy Cow.

Moo wants a hug?

‐ CHLOE, BARB & HANK: The Moo Crew!

‐ Cutesy Cow is lame.

‐ Yeah, back when Billy and I were little kids,

we had a way better animal hero‐‐

‐ BILLY & NORA: Hootie the Owl!

‐ Hootie was cool and he flew by his own rules.

‐ I don't remember Hootie having any rules.

‐ Hey, Billy, let's find our old Hootie DVDs

and show them to Chloe.

‐ No, you're not. You wouldn't find them anyway.

I hid those a long time ago. ‐ HANK: [chuckling]

‐ BILLY: [zooming]

‐ It's cute when they try to hide things.

Let's show this to Chloe before Cutesy Cow ruins her.

Look, she's learning how to brush her teeth.

‐ ♪ Moo‐moo‐moove your brush ♪

♪ Up and down your gums ♪

♪ Then be sure to brush your hair ♪

♪ Hygiene can be fun ♪

‐ [kisses]

‐ Hygiene? Okay, now this cow is just making up words.

‐ ♪

‐ MEN: [martial arts grunting]

‐ Allison's parents opened an MMA gym?

‐ MAN: [roaring] ‐ [heavy thud]

‐ I'm out!

‐ Hey! Don't panic.

Just remember I'm the one doing all the talking.

I just have to look up some fancy MMA lingo like, oh,

"crush windpipe," uh, "welterweight,"

and, ooh, "grappling dummy."

‐ You're a grappling dummy. [scoffs]

Sorry. Habit. Please keep helping me.

‐ Hey, Max! ‐ Hey!

‐ And Phoebe?

‐ Uh, she invited herself.

[under his breath] So lonely and pathetic.

‐ Come on, my parents are over here.

‐ And then he tried a triangle choke,

so, I snapped his back in three places!

Alli‐Walli!

‐ Hi, Mom, Dad, this is Max.

‐ And, uh, Phoebe, Max's twin sister.

I just love MMA.

You two look like a couple of awesome welterweights.

‐ Oh, yes, we are. You know your stuff.

I'm Debbie. This is Gary.

‐ So, we finally get to meet

our little girl's so‐called boyfriend!

‐ MAX: [gasps]

[inner voice] Yo, Mullet Head,

1985 called and said that haircut was lame in 1985!

‐ Max, anything you wanna say?

‐ [inner voice] I wanna ask your mom

if her face got hit by a makeup truck.

‐ Max!

‐ Uh...

my sister's here!

‐ Ha. Ha.

Um, so, guys, um, what's more fulfilling‐‐

opening your own business or crushing someone's windpipe?

‐ GARY & DEBBIE: Windpipe!

‐ Jinx! You owe me a protein shake.

‐ PHOEBE: Ha.

‐ So, Phoebe's talking to my parents.

When are you gonna step up?

‐ Uh, as soon as Phoebe lets me get a word in.

Grappling dummy, am I right?

Anyway, let's eat!

‐ ♪

‐ CUTESY COW: Who wants a hug?

‐ CHLOE: The Moo Crew! ‐ NORA & BILLY: The Moo Crew...

‐ HANK: [hiccups] ‐ [thunderous rumbling]

‐ [objects clattering]

‐ Even the house hates this show.

‐ BARB: Okay, Hank, outside now!

We've gotta cure you of your super‐hiccups

before you shake the house to its foundation.

‐ Barb, that was definitely the last‐‐

[hiccups] ‐ [thunderous rumbling]

‐ [plaster crumbling]

‐ Kids, be good. We're goin' outside.

‐ Billy, this is our chance to show Chloe "Hootie the Owl."

Chloe, we have something for you.

‐ Cool! An owl.

‐ Not just any owl. Check this out.

‐ ♪ Hoot hoot! Hootie don't care ♪

♪ Hoot hoot! Hootie don't care ♪

♪ What do you think about that ♪

‐ Excuse me, Hootie,

could you please help me carry my groceries?

‐ Hootie don't care!

‐ [groceries clattering]

‐ ♪

‐ Ha. Ha. That was funny.

‐ I don't remember Hootie harassing grandmas.

‐ [chomping] ‐ Hootie!

You can't just eat that candy without paying.

That's stealing.

‐ Hootie don't care.

‐ [candy clattering]

‐ ♪

‐ ♪ Hoot Hoot! Hootie don't care ♪

♪ Hoot! Hoot! Hootie don't care ♪

♪ What do you think about that ♪

‐ Maybe we shouldn't have shown that to Chloe.

‐ She's a good kid.

I don't think we have anything to worry about.

‐ CHLOE: [whooshing]

Chloe don't care!

[whooshing]

[scribbling]

Chloe don't care!

[whooshing]

‐ [lamp clatters]

‐ Chloe don't care!

‐ This is your fault.

‐ Chloe don't care! Chloe don't care!

Chloe don't care!

‐ See how my arm is hanging out of the socket?

Best day ever!

‐ Once again, in this upside‐down world,

somebody likes Phoebe.

We're good here. Later.

‐ Oh, you can't leave.

My dad still wants to talk to you.

‐ GARY: Hey, boy! ‐ [cage rattling]

‐ I wanna talk to you.

‐ [inner voice] Weird hair!

‐ Hey, Max.

‐ [inner voice] Weird face!

Phoebe, they're closing in.

‐ Debbie, Gary, you know, I've actually done

a little bit of fighting myself.

Uh, let me show you some of my moves.

‐ No, I haven't had a chance to talk to the elf yet.

‐ I have to show you now.

Here, why don't you stand over here,

and I'll go smack this shirtless guy around.

Ha! Ha! Bah!

‐ Phoebe just keeps buttin' in.

I've gotta go.

Great job, Phoebe.

‐ PHOEBE: [grunts] ‐ [heavy thud]

‐ MAX: Oh!

‐ This gym is weak!

‐ ALL: [mixed comments]

‐ DEBBIE: But, wait. Don't go.

‐ I am so sorry.

‐ You two ruined our grand opening.

‐ I'm sure they didn't mean it.

‐ No, I want the Blundermans outta here now,

and you will never see Max again.

‐ Okay, this seems like the perfect time to remind you...

this was your idea.

‐ Max, I‐‐ What is happening?

‐ COLOSSO: [chuckling]

Watching a little hockey,

makin' Max forget all about Allison.

Max, tell her how much fun

you're havin' with your pally‐wally.

‐ I'm not and you're this close

to losing your upstairs privileges.

‐ Anyway, I think I can convince

Allison's parents to let you two date again.

‐ Oh, are you gonna kick 'em down a flight of stairs?

Stay away from them!

‐ Fine. But you're gonna come crawlin' back

for help, mister, and when you do...

I will totally help you 'cause I'm so, so sorry.

‐ Gee, some people have no idea when they're trying too hard.

So, where are you gonna take me for dinner, Maxy‐Waxy?

‐ It just went from weird to what?

I'm gonna go get Allison back.

‐ Heck, I shoulda worn heels.

‐ Well, Hank, we've tried everything else

to get rid of your super‐hiccups.

Hopefully, this will turn things around.

‐ Ah, you can count on this old Thunderman trick.

We'll be back inside the house before you can say‐‐

[hiccups] ‐ [thunderous rumbling]

‐ [branch thuds]

‐ Or we could just live in the driveway from now on.

‐ We'll be at this as long as it takes.

Billy and Nora are doing a great job watching Chloe.

‐ BILLY & NORA: Where's Chloe?

I thought you had her!

‐ [explosion] ‐ CHLOE: I don't care!

‐ We've gotta fix her before Mom and Dad find out about this.

‐ Good luck with that. Hootie's her master now.

‐ No way. We've just gotta put our foot down.

Chloe Thunderman, get up here this instant!

‐ [whooshing]

‐ We've had enough of this, young lady.

‐ No more "Chloe don't care," and no more Hootie.

‐ That was a mistake.

‐ ALL: [whooshing]

‐ And stay out! [whooshing]

[whooshing] ‐ [door lock clicks]

‐ Chloe! You can't lock us out.

‐ Chloe don't care!

‐ "Chloe don't care"?

‐ You showed her Hootie the‐‐

[groaning, sobbing] Owww...

‐ It's pronounced "Owl."

‐ We specifically told you not to show her‐‐

Hey, my super‐hiccups are gone.

‐ Oh?

‐ Just like we planned.

‐ ♪

‐ GARY: [martial arts grunting]

‐ All right, time to win back Allison

by not talking so her parents don't find out I'm a jerk.

‐ [air horn blasting]

‐ What are you doin' here, Leprechaun?

‐ DEBBIE: "I have laryngitis and can't talk."

‐ GARY: "I want to be Alison's boyfriend again."

Forget it! Not after what you and your sister did.

"Phoebe isn't my real sister.

She was raised by a pack of wolves"?

‐ DEBBIE: "She went back to her wolf family

and you'll never see her again."

‐ Hello, it's me again.

Gary, Debbie, I messed up yesterday, not Max.

‐ Phoebe, what are you doing here?

‐ Wait! You talked.

‐ GARY: "The laryngitis comes and goes."

‐ Let me make things right.

Come on, open up the fighting cage

in your heart and let me in.

‐ You wouldn't last two seconds in my heart cage.

‐ Please? Come on, I'll do anything.

‐ Actually, Gary, we do need a sparring partner for Daisy.

‐ You need someone to spar with Daisy?

I'll spar with Daisy.

Who's Daisy?

‐ Daisy is a world‐ class MMA fighter.

You couldn't handle her.

‐ I took you guys down‐‐

by accident.

Please let me help you.

‐ Daisy will quit our gym

if we don't give her somebody to pound on.

We can't afford to lose another star.

‐ Fine. Suit up and maybe we'll forgive you.

But you're still not in my heart cage!

‐ Phoebe, don't. ‐ Let me do this, Max.

After they forgive me,

maybe they'll reconsider you and Allison.

‐ But my plan was working.

‐ What a stupid plan!

‐ All right, your turn. Please, don't mess this up.

‐ [sighing] I won't.

Hey, I'm a superhero, remember?

Besides, how bad could this "Daisy" be?

‐ It's Crazy Daisy! [martial arts grunt]

‐ The full name woulda been helpful earlier.

‐ Chloe, come on, we've been out here long enough.

We need to talk about this.

‐ [cellphone ringing]

‐ Hello?

‐ Chloe don't care!

‐ All right, that's it. I am breaking the door down.

‐ Hank, it doesn't matter if we're inside or outside.

The problem is she's stopped caring.

We need to find something that she cares about again.

‐ Chloe loves watching "Cutesy Cow" with us.

We can do that. ‐ That's a great idea, Nora.

Look, everyone, it's "Cutesy Cow".

Let's watch it together as a family.

‐ CUTESY COW: Who wants a hug?

‐ ALL: The Moo Crew!

‐ [cellphone ringing]

‐ Don't answer it, Mom.

We all know what she's going to say.

‐ BARB: [sighing]

‐ Well, now what‐‐

ah... ah... ‐ Uh‐oh.

Hank, you sound like you're coming down with a cold.

‐ No, no, no way. I am Thunderma‐a‐a‐a...

Oh! Oh! Oh! ‐ He's gonna super‐sneeze!

‐ NORA & BILLY: Uh‐oh!

‐ Hold onto something!

‐ Acho‐o‐o‐o‐o‐o! ‐ [gale force winds gusting]

‐ Chloe, you came outside.

‐ I was worried about my family.

‐ Aw, that's sweet, honey, but Daddy's fine.

‐ Not you‐‐them.

‐ You hear that, Billy? She cares again.

‐ That's grea‐a‐a‐t.

[groaning]

‐ DAISY: [martial arts roar]

[martial arts grunting]

‐ Max, what are you doing here?

‐ [heavy thud]

‐ Is that Phoebe in the cage?

‐ Yeah, we came to make things right with your parents,

and I'm afraid this was the only way.

Get crazy, Daisy! [laughing]

‐ So, she's in there fighting for our relationship.

Shouldn't that be you?

‐ Well, I can't risk my face.

You know I have the cheeks of a Norse god

and the lips of an Amazonian princess.

‐ You don't think I know that?

What I meant was I want you to have

an actual conversation with my parents.

At least give them a chance to see what I see.

‐ [sighing] Fine.

Hanging with Colosso was never this hard.

Weird, but not this hard.

Gary, Debbie, a word?

All right, here's the deal.

I'm worried if I opened my mouth,

you guys wouldn't like me, but,

you know what, you already don't like me.

So, I'm just gonna tell you how I really feel.

‐ Oh, no, he's gonna ruin all my hard work.

Is that my leg?

‐ DAISY: [roaring] Yeah!

‐ The truth is...

I really like your daughter...

and you splitting us up...

has broken my heart...

and I don't even know I had one

until I met Allison.

‐ Did you just talk to my parents

without insulting them?

‐ Did I?

What have you done to me?

‐ PHOEBE: She's changing you for the better! Oh!

‐ [heavy thud]

‐ You know, Max, now that you've told me how you really feel,

it changes nothing!

You'll never ever see my Alli‐Walli again!

‐ What?

‐ He said "you'll never ever see my Alli‐Walli again!"

‐ I just don't understand parents.

Everything I saw on TV told me this would work.

‐ What is wrong with you guys?

That was really hard for him.

He never talks to adults without insulting them,

but he didn't make fun of you.

‐ Yeah, I didn't say anything about

that hat that y'all be callin' a haircut!

Or her paintball face!

Was that out loud?

‐ PHOEBE: Very lo‐o‐o‐o‐ud!

Whoa! ‐ [heavy thud]

‐ The thing is‐‐Max is a great boyfriend.

He's not like other boys.

He's fun, he's smart.

One day, he's gonna take over the world.

‐ Well, it is on my vision board.

‐ I'm sorry, but you can't treat me

like your little Alli‐Walli forever.

‐ She's right, Gare‐Bear.

‐ Well, I suppose if we have to let you date somebody,

it might as well be this...

tiny woodland creature...

even if he was completely wrong about my sweet‐sweet mullet.

‐ PHOEBE: [groans]

‐ So sweet.

‐ Thanks, Mom and Dad.

‐ Oh, Phoebe, you can get outta there.

Allison and I are back together.

‐ Finally!

[martial arts grunts]

‐ [heavy thud]

‐ [sighing]

This gym rocks!

‐ Thank you so much!

‐ Don't call me "so much."

Ma name's "Phoebe."

‐ Ha! Good one.

‐ Ah, still got it. ‐ DAISY: [roaring]

‐ Whoa! ‐ [heavy thud]

‐ ♪

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