Original subtitles

‐ This selfie of us is my favorite.

It definitely says we're best friends.

‐ Yeah, I think it says I have lettuce in my teeth.

‐ Not as bad as that turkey scrap on your shirt.

‐ Cherry, if we wanna win Best of the Besties

for yearbook, our selfies need to show us as besties,

not me as #7 at The Hoagie Hut.

‐ Hey, guys, I just voted for Best of the Besties.

‐ Aw, thanks.

‐ For Evan and Eleanor.

‐ Hater!

‐ Oh, no, he's not the only one.

Everyone's voting for them.

‐ That's because Evan's bestie is an iguana.

[laughs] And, look, she keeps her food in her mouth.

‐ All right, yearbook voting ends in two days.

We need to post another selfie right now.

[sighing]

‐ [phone camera clicks]

‐ Hey, looks like the deli is closed. Post it.

‐ Take that, iguana boy!

‐ Uh, oh, look behind us.

The Thunderman portrait!

No one can see that. Delete! Delete! Delete!

‐ Okay, it's gone!

‐ [heavy sigh] Whew, that was close.

If non‐supes saw that, we'd be exposed.

Super President Kickbutt would not be happy.

‐ FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Alert! Alert!

Incoming transmission from Super President Kickbutt‐‐

and she is not happy.

‐ See ya!

‐ ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

‐ I deleted the photos so fast. How did you see it?

‐ We monitor everything, Phoebe.

By the way, don't eat your lunch‐‐Billy licked it.

If any photos showing you as superheroes actually got out,

the consequences for your family would be unspeakable.

‐ I know. I'm so, so sorry,

and I can promise it won't happen again.

‐ That's what you said after Cherry

wore your super‐suit for Halloween.

Further action will need to be taken.

‐ Further action?

You can't ground me, can you?

‐ Girl, I could ground your parents if I wanted to.

But you're not the problem. Cherry is.

You are to stay away from her

until the Hero League decides on a course of action.

Your future with us depends on it.

‐ Whoa.

So, if I wanna keep being a superhero,

I have to avoid my best friend?

Can't I avoid something else‐‐

like the cafeteria's clam chowder?

I'm pretty sure those aren't clams.

‐ I'm sorry, but when it comes to matters of security,

there's no compromising.

President Kickbutt, out.

‐ But...

‐ Phoebe, I need some advice.

‐ Maybe later.

‐ So, there's this cute boy, Owen.

I'm inviting him over for a play date in two days.

It has to be perfect. What should I do?

‐ [sighing] I'll tell you what to do.

Don't ever become friends with him or anyone else

because Super President Kickbutt wants you to grow old alone!

‐ You should just talk about farts.

Boys think they're hysterical. [laughing]

Oh, farts... [laughing]

It's like your butt is talking.

He's chatty today.

‐ Okay, uh, what about...

this one?

I trained a bunch of stray cats to pick pockets.

‐ [cat meowing] ‐ [wallets thudding]

‐ Nice work, Bootsie! ‐ [meowing]

‐ I'm impressed... ‐ Thank you.

‐ ... with myself. ‐ Oh.

‐ Because I've finally figured out

why nothing you do seems evil enough.

It's your baby face. ‐ My baby face?

Well, the ladies don't seem to have a problem with it.

♪ Wah Wah ♪ ‐ Playa!

‐ Silence!

Every time I look at your mug,

I want to pinch those little cheeks,

then rip them off the bone!

‐ Well... what am I supposed to do‐‐

hide behind some silly mask or something?

[laughing]

Which would be an awesome look!

‐ Just figure it out, baby face.

[presses button]

‐ [sighing] Do I really have a baby face, Colosso?

‐ That's our curse, Max‐‐

we're just too adorable.

‐ Well, you know what would make me look evil‐‐

facial hair.

Ooh, what if I...

altered the nose hairalyzer so it'd give me an evil beard?

‐ I guess it's better than my plan to shave my fur

and tape it to your face.

Though that would make us closer.

‐ Phoebe! ‐ Phoe‐to‐the‐be!

‐ What's happening right now?

‐ Oh, you know, just gettin' our burger on.

‐ Daddy put on skinny jeans.

‐ Oh, I see what's going on here.

Super President Kickbutt told you I have to stay away

from my best friend, so you're here to be the new Cherry.

‐ Daddy can't sit down.

‐ Oh, ho, Chloe, that is not...

true, it...

all right...

You know what? I'll just...I'll stand,

and take a selfie.

Excuse me, could you take a selfie for us, please?

‐ [phone camera clicks]

‐ Later waiter, Christian Slater.

Okay, I'm just embarrassing myself now.

Sweetie, I'm sorry it has to be this way.

How did Cherry take the news?

‐ Well, surprisingly well‐‐

mostly 'cause I didn't tell her yet.

‐ Phoebe, you're going to have to tell her.

She deserves to know.

‐ I know. I just couldn't.

I avoided her all day.

‐ You can't do that forever. ‐ Sure, I can.

As long as I've got my...

Randy the Trucker disguise.

Breaker, breaker, ain't no Phoebe here, good buddy.

‐ You're going to have to tell her the truth.

‐ Your mother's right. ‐ [material rips]

‐ Bye‐bye, skinny jeans.

‐ Oh, hello, Evan.

‐ Phoebe, Mr. and Mrs. Thunderman,

small girl who I don't know.

Where's Cherry? Trouble in Paradise?

‐ No, she's just‐‐ ‐ Speaking of Paradise,

check out my latest post of Eleanor.

‐ BARB: Oh, you have a girlfriend‐‐

who's a reptile.

Well, you two look very happy together.

‐ It's not too late for you and Cherry to back out.

Nice seeing you again,

Mr. and Mrs. Thunderman, small girl.

‐ Back out of what?

‐ Uh, yearbook competition that Cherry and I

will definitely lose after I talk to her.

Guess Evan and Eleanor will be Best of the Besties again.

‐ Oh, they're just friends. Okay, good.

‐ I'm getting close, Colosso.

‐ So, what beard style are you goin' with?

The Lincoln Lover or the Sassy Lumberjack?

‐ Max, I need your help. ‐ Maybe later.

‐ So, there's this cute boy, Owen...

He's coming over for a play date today

and I still don't know what to do.

‐ Yeech, girly drama.

‐ What should I wear? What should we play?

Should I serve snacks? Help me!

‐ Wow, you really sound desperate.

Close the door on your way out.

‐ You're the worst big brother ever.

‐ Put it on a t‐shirt.

Now why is this thing not working?

‐ [thudding gadget]

‐ [zapping]

‐ What are you two fools starin' at?

[screaming]

‐ Ah, the Bearded Lady. Excellent choice.

‐ Max, how could you? Reverse it!

‐ The nose hairalyzer doesn't really have a reverse.

I'll just shave it off.

‐ [shaver buzzing]

‐ And that should do it.

Just like new.

[gasps]

‐ Now what?

[screaming]

I thought you shaved it off.

‐ I did. I grew back.

‐ Like the smile on my face.

‐ I can't have a play date looking like a dirty wizard.

‐ Don't worry, Nora, I'll fix it before your play date,

but you'll have to skip school.

Just tell Mom and Dad you're sick.

‐ Well, my throat does feel scratchy‐‐

'cause there's a beard on it!

‐ It's you and me, Eleanor. We're gonna win this thing.

‐ [teeth chomping] ‐ Ow!

You're right. My fault.

‐ Okay...

all I have to do is tell the truth.

How hard could it be?

I have some bad news.

The Hero League has forbidden me to be friends with you.

We can never talk again.

‐ Okay, well, then I guess I'm doing this.

Phoebe Thunderman has superpowers!

‐ Okay, so, the truth won't work.

I'll just have to keep my bestie

and hide our friendship from the Hero League.

‐ Phoebe, where have you been?

You missed the weirdest trucker yesterday.

You didn't get in trouble with the Hero League, did you?

‐ Oh, no, no, no.

That was just about some paperwork I forgot to fill out.

You know, sign some stuff, stamp some stuff,

sign, stamp, sign, stamp, work, work, work!

‐ Oh, that was close. Relief selfie.

‐ Um, let's not post stuff like that anymore.

‐ Then how are we supposed to get enough votes

to with the Best of the Besties?

‐ Well, let's be different‐‐

spread the word the old‐fashioned way.

‐ With da‐a‐a‐ance?

‐ Yeah, yeah, with dance.

‐ Staircase dance.

‐ [phone camera clicks]

‐ PRESIDENT KICKBUTT: What is it, Agent Delta?

‐ Phoebe Thunderman has violated your orders, ma'am.

I have proof she did not sever ties with her friend Cherry.

‐ I was afraid of that.

‐ Don't worry, I'll handle it.

‐ [ominous music]

‐ Vote for me and Cherry‐‐ Best of the Besties,

because friends don't keep friends in a cage

and feed them crickets.

‐ Eleanor likes her cage and her crickets are delicious.

‐ You've eaten her crickets?

‐ It was dark in that theater.

Hey, Cherry was looking for you.

She was heading towards the nurse's office.

‐ Oh, no, I told her not to eat that clam chowder.

Clams don't have bones.

‐ Hey, Cherry, Phoebe was just looking for you.

I can show you where she is, if you want.

‐ Okay, thanks.

You're going to prom with Eleanor, aren't you?

‐ It's really up to her.

Cherry, wait...

‐ [zapping]

‐ [dramatic music]

‐ Here's some more chicken noodle soup, Nora.

‐ I'll give it to her. Just take off those skinny jeans.

‐ Oh, even with my super‐strength...

[straining]

I can't rip 'em off.

‐ Thanks, guys, but I'm fine.

You really don't have to watch me.

‐ Oh, okay, good, because Chloe needs to take us

to the Metroburg Hospital

to get your dad outta these pants.

‐ It's a fashion emergency.

‐ [whooshing]

‐ What's up, hairy hipster?

Just wanted to let you know I'm almost done

fixing the nose hairalyzer.

‐ You'd better be.

‐ Gross. Is your beard growing worms?

‐ They're soup noodles.

This thing's a food magnet.

‐ [food clattering] ‐ [spoon clanking]

‐ I'm just gonna cancel my play date with Owen.

‐ Oh, come on, Nora. I only need a few more minutes.

Have I ever let you down?

‐ You've seen the badger on my face, right?

I can't take any chances.

‐ [phone beeps]

‐ Billy, I'm glad I caught you.

You've gotta tell Owen I'm sick.

‐ Nora says to tell you she's sick.

‐ Sick of waiting for this play date to start.

‐ Oh, hey, girls, have you guys seen Cherry?

‐ We saw her and Evan leave just a few minutes ago.

‐ He knew I was looking for her. Why didn't he tell her?

‐ The guy's best friend is an iguana and that's your question?

‐ What are you up to, Evan?

Cherry!

‐ EVAN: [unintelligible] ‐ Boost audio 25 percent.

‐ EVAN: ...regarding operations...

‐ Boost audio 50 percent. ‐ EVAN: ...top priority.

‐ Just boost it all the way!

‐ EVAN: She's gonna wanna take this call.

Super President Kickbutt, this is Agent Delta.

‐ He works for the Hero League?

‐ I have the security threat

and I'm bringing her in for a complete memory wipe.

‐ A memory wipe?

Oh, what have I done?

‐ When I find you, Jesse James,

you're goin' to jail.

‐ Okay, but you'll never get this bandana off my face.

‐ Guess what's working now, my little tween wolf?

‐ It better be.

We've had to play dumb games

like cowboy train robbery to hide my face.

What am I, five?

‐ Not with that beard, you're not.

‐ [zapping] ‐ Ow!

‐ Let's do this.

‐ Put yer hands up, Jesse.

And turn around nice and slow.

Wow...

you take this game seriously.

It looks so real.

‐ Ow!

‐ Wait, it is real.

‐ Uh, so, about those farts, huh?

‐ Heh, farts.

‐ I can't take my eyes off it.

‐ I'll save you the trouble. Just leave.

‐ Wait, you're just gonna go?

Well, before you do, you should know that

my little sister was all worried about making today perfect,

and I told her it doesn't matter what she does on her play date,

or how she looks, that she's an awesome girl,

and any boy should like her for that.

‐ You never said that to me.

‐ I should have.

So, if you don't like this little sasquatch

for who she is on the inside, maybe you should hit the road.

‐ Thanks.

Bye, Owen.

‐ I don't wanna leave. I never did.

In fact, seeing your beard has given me

the courage to share my secret.

‐ Yeesh, backsquatch.

‐ You sound like my doctors.

I should have known you weren't ready for it.

‐ Owen, wait.

‐ What?

‐ Forgot your backpack.

‐ Ignore him.

I'm fine with your back hair,

just like you're fine with my beard.

So, if you don't have to go,

there's some of your favorite pizza we can eat.

‐ Can this play date get any better?

‐ What about your beard? You want me to zap it off?

‐ Are you sure it even works?

‐ Yeah. You should see my test subject.

‐ Be honest, Colosso, how does it look?

‐ You look like a middle‐aged accountant.

‐ Yes!

What's an accountant?

‐ [groaning]

‐ It's okay. I can lose the beard after the play date.

‐ Sometimes it sweats.

‐ EVAN: Wait here. This'll be over before you know it.

‐ Listen, I know that you can't tell me why I'm here,

but now that I know you're a secret agent,

wanna get a burger sometime?

‐ Sorry, Cherry, I'm taken.

‐ You know where to find me.

‐ [dramatic music]

‐ Phoebe! Oh, my gosh.

Did you know that Evan is a secret agent?

I think they're recruiting me to be a superhero.

‐ Cherry, they brought you here to erase your memory.

‐ A superhero who can't remember anything.

[laughing] I'm halfway there already.

‐ No, this isn't about you becoming a superhero.

The Hero League wanted me to stop being friends with you

because of that selfie you posted, but I refused.

Now we have to get you outta here.

‐ Phoebe. ‐ Hey, Evan‐‐

if that's even your real name.

‐ It's not. It's Lucius.

‐ Well, I'm gonna stick with Evan.

Oh, uh, good news.

I took care of erasing Cherry's memory myself.

Cherry, name the 50 states.

‐ I can't do that. ‐ See? Success.

‐ Nice try, but I don't think you understand what's happening.

‐ I completely understand

and you need to release my friend or pay the consequences.

‐ [zapping]

‐ [blowing air] What did you do?

‐ I neutralized your superpowers.

‐ Whoa, some watch.

Where can I get one?

‐ It took me 30 years of training to earn this watch.

‐ Thirty years? How old are you?

‐ Old enough to know

Cherry's a serious risk to the Thundermans.

‐ And I'm a serious risk to you.

‐ [dramatic music]

‐ [objects clattering]

‐ What is going on?

‐ I'm saving my best friend.

The Hero League has gone too far.

Memory wiping and spying on me in school?

My straight "A"s and perfect attendance

are none of your business.

‐ Agent Delta wasn't spying, he was protecting you.

The Thunderman family is very valuable to us.

‐ Yeah, well, Cherry is very valuable to me.

Her friendship is the best thing

that's happened to me since moving to Hiddenville.

‐ Aww...

‐ If I have to sacrifice being a superhero

to keep you from attaching one of those gizmos to her brain

and erasing her memory, then I will.

‐ Sacrifice selfie.

‐ You really can't remember anything.

‐ Erase her memory?

We're not erasing her memory.

We're erasing her phone's memory.

‐ What?

‐ Cherry continued to take pictures

when we ordered you to end contact with her.

That forced our hand and here we are‐‐

a broken lab cart and a 50‐year‐old man on his back.

‐ BOTH: Fifty?!

‐ That's my superpower. I don't age.

‐ Never mind about that burger.

‐ I'm so sorry about this.

‐ You really thought we were going to erase Cherry's memory?

We're not animals, Phoebe.

We're the good guys.

‐ You can't fire me.

I didn't know it was

Super President Kickbutt's parking spot.

‐ That was unfortunate timing.

Cell phone, please?

‐ I got a good one of that guy getting fired.

Be sure to tag me, okay?

Thank you for fighting for me.

‐ Hey, it's what best friends do.

Who cares what the kids at school think.

We know we're the Best of the Besties.

‐ I'm glad you feel that way because Eleanor and I just won

Best of the Besties for the third time.

‐ Great! We lost to an old man and his weird lizard.

‐ Congratulations, Evan.

‐ It's Lucius. ‐ Still stickin' with Evan.

‐ Well, since my nerd cover is blown, I guess this is goodbye.

Gotta get home to the kids.

‐ BOTH: You have kids?!

‐ Sorry, Mr. Mayhem,

but you're gonna have to deal with this baby face.

I don't need facial hair because I'm evil on the inside.

‐ I'm disappointed in him, too, sir.

‐ I have proof that I'm evil.

‐ Look what I did to this little girl.

‐ [laughing]

Giving a little girl a beard is not only evil, it's hilarious.

‐ I've never been more proud of him, too, sir.

‐ Stop kissing my butt, you filthy rabbit.

‐ Max?

Do you wanna explain this?

‐ Nope.

‐ ♪

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