Original subtitles

‐ All done.

‐ Oh, I love it.

‐ Looking good, baby!

‐ Aw, just the girls hangin' out?

‐ Not exactly.

‐ All right, I'm ready to pedi.

‐ Oh, Link's back. ‐ He never left.

‐ Well, ever since I quit Splatburger,

I have all this extra time for my other job‐‐

being Phoebe's boyfriend.

How am I doin', boss?

‐ Employee of the Month!

‐ Oh, but it is late. I should get going.

You can paint my nails next time, Chloe.

‐ Okay. Dr. Bunny, your turn!

[whooshing]

‐ I'll call you from the car.

‐ Uh, it's probably not safe to call me while you're driving.

‐ You're right. Maybe I should stay.

‐ No, no, no. Call me from the car.

‐ Okay.

‐ [locks door latch] [blowing frosty air]

‐ Okay, is there a reason

you're turning our house into an igloo?

‐ [sighing] It's Link.

I love spending time with him‐‐ just not all my time.

Since we're always together,

I never get a chance to miss him.

‐ Link finally left, huh?

Looks like you got yourself quite the clinger.

Trust me. I know all about that.

‐ COLOSSO: Max, is that you?

Are you comin' down? Should I come up?

Max? Max?

‐ Well, at least I get to keep my clinger in a cage.

‐ You know, Phoebe, when your father first retired,

he was a little clingy, too.

Guess what I did?

‐ Barb, thanks again for this 3D puzzle.

Just when I'm looking for something to do,

another one shows up!

‐ You got him a hobby.

‐ No, I got him a home gym, but that didn't work.

‐ [cell phone ringing]

‐ Oh, I think Link wants me to answer my phone.

‐ How do you know?

‐ I forgot to freeze the back door.

‐ [cell phone ringing]

‐ Hey, Link.

Yeah, I miss you, too.

[whispering] This may be awhile.

‐ ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

‐ I'm so excited to go to the movies tomorrow night.

‐ Me, too.

Any chance that this is going to be a girls' night girls' night,

or is it gonna be a girls' night plus Link girls' night,

like it's been the past three girls' nights?

‐ Yeah, if you're asking if Link is coming‐‐no.

Oh, come on, that's actually what I wanted to show you.

‐ A garage sale? Of course.

You're gonna clean out your garage

so you have a place to hide from Link.

‐ No, it's National Hobby Month.

I'm gonna have Link pick a hobby

and then he'll give me a little space‐‐

which is exactly what our relationship needs.

‐ Hey, Phoebe. Hey, Cherry.

Garage sale. Awesome.

‐ No, Link, it's National Hobby Month.

Duh!

Oh, I call dibs on knitting.

‐ National Hobby Month?

‐ Oh, yeah‐‐did you know that up to 500 hobbies

go unhobbed each month?

‐ I don't think anyone knows that.

‐ Well, now that you do, let's get you a hobby.

We have, uh, soda brewing, ping pong,

ooh, croquet.

‐ Is spending time with you somewhere around here‐‐

'cause that's a hobby I could "get down" with.

[clicking tongue]

I can't take that back, can I?

‐ Hey, Phoebe, I think your boomerang's broken.

I threw it and it's not coming back.

‐ [boomerang whooshing] ‐ CHERRY: Now it is!

‐ [powers zapping]

‐ Oh, I am just going to take my knitting and go.

No way I can hurt myself with these things.

‐ Wow, you saved Cherry's life.

I wish I had skills like that. ‐ You do.

Wait. That could be your hobby‐‐saving people.

‐ You know, to be honest,

it's something that I've always wanted to do.

But growing up the son of Evil Man,

I just never thought it was possible.

‐ Well, hey, you won't know until you try.

I can even go on your first save with you.

Make sure it's something you can "get down" with.

[clicking tongue]

Yeah, there really is no way to make that cool.

‐ Yeah. No.

‐ Thanks for inviting us to hang out at Splatburger, Max.

‐ Ah, I didn't invite you to hang out,

I invited you to pay.

‐ Hello, Thunder brats.

‐ Mrs. Wong, what are you doing here?

‐ I'm passing out samples of my chili.

The "Chili Wars" cooking show is coming to Hiddenville

and I'm in it to win it!

‐ So, why are you here at Splatburger?

This isn't your restaurant.

‐ It is now.

Soon I will own every restaurant in Hiddenville

and you won't be able to escape the long arm of Wong!

[cackling]

Anyway, enjoy the chili.

‐ Well, everything tastes better when it's free.

Except this! ‐ BILLY: It's gross!

‐ I've made better chili than this‐‐

right here at this table.

Watch‐‐uh, burrito, fried peppers,

hamburger and my secret ingredient.

‐ Love? ‐ Grow up, Billy.

‐ [presses menu button] ‐ Sweet potato fries.

[blowing hot air]

Dig in.

‐ Yum! ‐ That's awesome!

How'd you learn to cook like that?

‐ I was in my lair trying to make a cherry bomb.

Next thing I know,

I made a cherry pie that was the bomb.

‐ So, everybody enjoying my chili?

‐ No, we're enjoying this chili.

We spit yours out.

‐ What? Let me try.

Hm, not bad. What's in it?

‐ It's a family secret. Sorry, Wong.

‐ No hard feelings.

‐ Yeah, I think we're done.

‐ All right, chili,

surrender your mysteries to the long arm of Wong.

‐ Okay, Link, this is perfect.

Six civilians trapped in an elevator.

Now, remember, the number one superhero rule‐‐

saving lives comes before family and friends.

‐ What about girlfriends?

‐ Those six people in there are your girlfriends now.

No, don't worry.

This is a nice beginner‐ level save, okay?

‐ Beginner level? There are six lives at stake.

Those cables could snap.

‐ Link, this isn't a cartoon. Cables don't just snap.

‐ [cables snapping]

‐ Oh, no, the cables are snapping!

They're gonna fall! ‐ My girlfriends!

‐ [elevator thuds] ‐ You caught them.

That was incredible.

‐ There, I pulled them to the next floor.

Let's get them out.

‐ [rubber arm squeaking]

‐ [alarm ringing] ‐ I can't believe this.

‐ Thank you so much. How did you‐‐

‐ Oh, we didn't do anything.

Just, uh, two kids hangin' out at an office building.

Okay, thanks, bye.

‐ Saving people feels amazing!

I think I'm hooked.

It's all because of you.

Thank you. ‐ Oh...

Wait a minute.

If you're hugging me, who's holding the elevator?

‐ [thunderous crash]

‐ Guess we're taking the stairs.

‐ ♪

‐ Max, you've gotta see this.

‐ Hey, hey, hey, Chili D. Williams

here with a preview of this week's "Chili Wars."

We're in Hiddenville with contestant Mrs. Wong.

Mmmmm, smells like you've got a pretty good chance

of winning this week's big cash prize.

Do I detect a little, uh... [sniffing]

... sweet potato fries in there?

‐ Uh‐uh‐uh, it's a secret family recipe.

And if anybody says I stole it,

he's a liar! ‐ Oh, wow.

‐ I can't believe Wong stole my recipe.

I mean, I can. But I can't!

‐ We can't let her win that money with your chili.

‐ Yeah, you've gotta enter that cooking contest.

‐ Whoa! Villains don't cook on TV!

You'll ruin your evil reputation.

By the way, I booked you a pedicure with Chloe at 2:00.

‐ Thank you.

And you're right‐‐I can't be seen cooking in public.

But someone else can.

‐ Let's get cookin'!

‐ Uh, I meant Billy and Nora.

Sorry, pal.

‐ Link's been so busy saving people all week,

I'm actually starting to miss him.

And that's how you make a relationship work.

‐ FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Alert! Alert!

Link Evilman approaching.

‐ Oh, yay, Link's here. I'm so excited.

I actually mean it. ‐ I'm so happy for you.

‐ Uh, is that why your butt's lighting up?

‐ Oh, yeah, I knitted my phone into my pants.

Sorry, Mom, I must've butt‐dialed you.

‐ Hey, stranger. ‐ Hey, Phoebe.

Sorry I've been so caught up with my new hobby.

I just didn't think I'd be so good at it.

‐ Hey, you're on your way to being a great boyfriend.

I mean, hero, a great hero.

‐ FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Alert! Alert!

Incoming transmission from Super President Kickbutt.

‐ Hi, Super President Kickbutt.

I suppose you're checking in on me?

‐ No, I'm calling for Link.

‐ Oh, uh, how'd you know he was here?

‐ The same way I know your baby sister

is running an unlicensed nail salon.

‐ Adios!

‐ Link, you've really been stepping up your game.

You're on your way to becoming a great hero.

‐ That's exactly what I said.

You know, I think he's making great strides‐‐

‐ Pipe down, Phoebe. ‐ Okay.

‐ This is official business.

Link, the Hero League has decided

to give you your own city to protect.

‐ Wow! Thank you!

‐ This is so exciting.

You're gonna get to protect your hometown just like me.

‐ No, we're sending Link to Hong Kong.

‐ BOTH: What?

‐ Wow, that's, uh,

all the way on the other side of the world.

And not at all what I'd planned.

‐ Phoebe, he may need your help.

‐ In Hong Kong? ‐ No, right now.

He's fainting. ‐ LINK: [groaning]

‐ [heavy thud]

‐ I can't believe you're sending Link to Hong Kong.

Don't you have anything closer‐‐like,

I don't know, Nearby Falls?

‐ I know Hong Kong is far.

But there's no one to protect their elevators‐‐

now that their stretchy superhero,

Bungee Boy, is gone. ‐ Gone?

‐ Let's just say there was too much "boy"

and not enough "bungee."

You leave in two days.

Super President Kickbutt out! ‐ But President‐‐

‐ I said out!

‐ I can't believe this. ‐ I know.

‐ I'm gonna be a superhero!

‐ Oh, we're going with that. Okay, yay!

‐ This is a dream come true. I can't wait to tell my parents.

They're gonna be so mad. [laughing]

‐ Link is gonna be a superhero in Hong Kong?

That's so exciting.

‐ No, Cherry, it means we can't be together.

Look, if Link is a superhero,

he's gonna be way too busy and way too far away.

If it's 8:00 a. m. here, over there it's next Tuesday.

‐ Oh.

Well, can't you just ask him not to go?

‐ Did you see how excited he was?

It'd be selfish of me to ask him to stay.

You know what wouldn't be selfish‐‐

making him realize he wants to stay.

‐ Ooh, toys. Can I play?

‐ Oh, sweetie, this isn't a toy.

It's a highly‐ sophisticated puzzle.

It takes a lot of patience and a keen eye

to know where each piece goes.

‐ This piece goes here.

‐ Barb, Chloe's messin' with my stuff!

‐ Learn to share, Hank.

Now it's just us for dinner.

What should we have?

Wait. Where are all my pots?

‐ [pots clattering]

‐ Let the "Chili Wars" begin!

Listen, Wong, there's no way you're winning

that cash prize with your "secret family recipe."

‐ I didn't say it was "my family."

‐ Well, we have another secret ingredient.

My family over there's gonna teach you

a thing or two about winning the "Chili War."

‐ [wooden spoons clacking] ‐ Yah! Yah!

‐ They're just, uh... warming up their spoons.

That's another family secret.

‐ [wooden spoons clacking] ‐ [wooden spoons clacking]

‐ Do you really think this is gonna work, Max?

‐ Yes, no one's gonna know I'm doing all the cooking

because you two are my kitchen puppets, remember, huh?

‐ [powers zapping]

‐ I like being a puppet.

Take the wheel, Max.

‐ [heavy thud]

‐ Hey, hey, hey, I'm Chili D. Williams

coming to you from Hiddenville,

where this week's episode of "Chili Wars"

is gonna be hotter than a habanero.

Let's meet our first two contestants‐‐

Billy and Nora Thunderman.

Who's this guy?

‐ Uh, I'm Fred Not‐a‐Cook.

‐ Ha. Ha. All right.

Are you two ready for the battle of the beans?

‐ We sure are.

Make sure you shoot my bow‐side, too.

Can I call ya Chill?

‐ Ha. Ha. You sure can, baby bean.

Just stay outta my light.

All right, let's get cookin'.

‐ Okay, first we get... ‐ [powers zapping]

‐ ... beans... and dump them in the pot‐‐

totally on our own.

‐ Look who's cookin' like a big boy.

‐ Then I get some... ‐ [powers zapping]

‐ ... some salt and I put it in the pot.

Oh, wait, no!

Looks like it's goin' on the meat.

‐ [salt shaker thuds]

‐ Then I knock over the pepper.

‐ Ah...achoo! [spraying]

I'll take care of that.

‐ Uh, you do know we're on TV, right?

‐ Oh, sorry.

I'll take care of that.

‐ Ohhhh, Chili D's stickin' a fork in ya

'cause you are done. ‐ Ow.

‐ I can do that. I'm a TV star.

Let's see who's next.

‐ [silent sneeze, silent laugh]

‐ Oh, this looks great.

How could Link not want to stay in Hiddenville with this?

Thanks, Cherry.

‐ A funny story about setting this up‐‐

‐ Uh‐oh, no time. Here comes Link! Hide!

‐ [pots clattering]

‐ Phoebe, I still have to say goodbye to my parents.

They are so mad. [laughing]

Whoa, what's all this?

‐ Just "The story of us." Come on.

I was thinking after the amazing day we've had

we order a black and white cookie

seeing as my hair is kind of black

and yours is kinda... white‐ish.

The point is you and I go great together‐‐

just like a black and white cookie.

[presses menu button]

Well, nope, that's not the idea.

‐ Actually, I prefer it this way.

The vanilla's much better on its own.

‐ Really? 'Cause I think that the two parts

make one perfect whole which should never be separated.

‐ [laughing] No. No way. No.

How about a slide show?

‐ Oh, it's us at the park.

That's the time we tried to make pizza.

Oh, and that's me‐‐eating this cookie ten seconds ago.

How...how did you‐‐ ‐ Shhhh. Just watch.

We've had a lot of great times together.

How does that make you feel?

‐ Like the luckiest guy in the world.

‐ Aw...

‐ [phone beeps] ‐ Oh.

Oh, I have to check in for my flight.

‐ Aw.

‐ Baggage? No baggage for this guy.

‐ I'll be right back.

Cherry, this is not going well.

He's still planning on going to Hong Kong‐‐

with no baggage.

‐ I had a feeling your creepy slide show wouldn't work.

‐ So, I knitted you a sweater to give to him.

‐ Oh, wow, "Phoebe Hearts Link."

It's perfect!

Except for the extra neck hole.

‐ It's like they have a mind of their own.

‐ Wait a minute‐‐this is exactly what I need.

Isn't this great?

We've never been closer than we are right now.

‐ This is definitely close.

‐ We are back in Hiddenville

where each batch of chili so far

has been worse than the last‐‐

which means if your chili tastes like food,

the cash prize is yours.

‐ Well, why don't you have a bite?

‐ All right. ‐ MAX: [powers zapping]

‐ Max, what are you doing?

‐ If I'm not winning the money, neither is Wong.

‐ I don't know why I'm holding these.

‐ It looks like you're adding your secret ingredient.

Oh!

‐ Which is a dash of crazy.

‐ If you think that's crazy... [powers zapping]

‐ What... What's happeni‐i‐i‐i‐ing?

‐ [powers zapping]

‐ [sputtering, coughing]

Did I win?

[sputtering]

‐ No! No! You lost the "Chili War"

and your mind!

But you do get this. ‐ Ow!

‐ [laughing]

I'm Chili D. Williams and this has been "Chili Wars."

We'll see you next week.

And cut!

This mess is never gonna air.

Pack it up, boys. [sighing]

I should've never left game shows.

Boop! [drops wooden spoon]

‐ Ow!

‐ Another family secret‐‐

stir your chili with your spoon, not your face.

‐ Hmph!

‐ [palm slap]

‐ Doesn't food taste better when we're this close?

‐ Well, I wouldn't know.

All I can do is lick tomato sauce off this knife.

‐ Oh, here, we'll switch.

‐ Careful. Careful. ‐ I got it.

‐ [utensils clattering]

‐ Oh, gosh. ‐ [head thuds]

‐ Oh, my gosh, Link. I'm so sorry.

Let me get you some ice. Watch yourself.

‐ Oh, wait, there's some over here.

‐ It's fine. I got it. ‐ No, I got it.

‐ Mine's closer. ‐ [sweater ripping]

‐ Phoebe, what are we doing?

‐ Making memories?

‐ No, that's not what I meant. It's just...

I mean, my last day in Hiddenville

would be a lot more fun if you weren't being so...

well, clingy. ‐ I was just trying to‐‐

Wait. Did you say "clingy"?

‐ I'm...I'm sorry,

but you did put us in a two‐headed sweater.

‐ Yeah, I know I did, but, um...

Okay, look, the whole reason I wanted you

to pick a hobby was because you were being clingy.

‐ I'm clingy?

‐ You once insisted on

holding my hand for two straight weeks.

‐ Because I'm crazy about you.

‐ You were in Mexico with your family.

‐ Well, I guess I see your point.

But why wouldn't you just say something?

‐ Well, because...

I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Link, I'm crazy about you, too, okay?

That's why I put together this whole day‐‐

to make you wanna stay,

so we wouldn't have to break up.

‐ Break up?

I...I didn't even think about breaking up.

‐ What did you think was gonna happen?

‐ I don't know. I...I guess I was so excited

about finally becoming a superhero,

that I just didn't think about

what it meant for us.

‐ Well, it's all I've thought about.

‐ I don't wanna lose you.

‐ I don't wanna lose you, either.

‐ Wow. Look, I'm calling Kickbutt right now

and I'm telling her that I'm not going.

‐ No. No, I can't let you do that.

I won't let you turn your back

on your dreams because of me.

You were a great boyfriend, Link.

And now you're gonna be a great superhero.

‐ Wow.

So this is really happening.

‐ [phone beeps]

‐ Looks like someone in Hiddenville needs saving.

Someone in Hiddenville also really needs a hug.

‐ ♪

‐ And maybe a kiss.

‐ ♪

‐ Okay.

Guess I'd better take care of this.

‐ ♪

‐ [sniffling] Goodbye, Link.

We'll always have Splatburger.

‐ ♪

‐ So long as the kitchen doesn't burn down!

That's the emergency! ‐ [fire alarm ringing]

‐ Cherry, what did you do now?

‐ ♪

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