Original subtitles

‐ Another day, another evil deed to impress Dark Mayhem.

[blowing icy air]

‐ Oh! ‐ [heavy thud]

‐ I love the sound of pain in the morning.

‐ Oh, hey, Max.

Writing in your diary?

‐ It's not a diary. It's a chronicle.

‐ Does it have a lock? ‐ Yes.

‐ Do you write your dark secrets in it?

‐ Yes.

‐ CHERRY & PHOEBE: ♪ Diary ♪

‐ Oh, sorry, we're just gonna need you to steer clear

of the endangered stink plant.

‐ Oh, is that just like a clever name or‐‐

[gasping] No. That stinks.

‐ It smells because it's about to bloom.

‐ You know, I really do admire all the work

you and the Green Teens are doing, Allison.

‐ Well, you two should join us.

I mean, you can't imagine the rush

of being a hero and saving the Earth.

‐ That's almost impossible to imagine.

‐ Why is this stupid fence

blocking the way to my office?

‐ This is a PPZ‐‐ Plant Protection Zone.

You're gonna have to GTWS‐‐ Go Through Wood Shop.

‐ Are you kidding?

Those kids have moustaches and sharp tools.

And what idiot gave you permission to do this?

"Principal Brad‐‐" [groaning]

I've gotta start paying attention

to things a little bit‐‐ ‐ [heavy thud]

‐ Ha. Two for two, baby.

‐ Thunderman, I know this was you!

I am tired of you and your diary.

You're never getting this back.

‐ You can't take tha‐‐ [gasping]

‐ [heavy thud] ‐ Oh!

‐ I love the sound of pain in the morning.

‐ ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

‐ ♪

‐ Oh, Max, did you hear the awful news?

‐ That you're talking to me? I know. It's terrible.

‐ Seriously, Bradford was so annoyed by that stink plant,

he's gonna rip it out so he has a place to play golf.

‐ So we joined the Green Teens‐‐

mainly because we care,

but mostly because it came with this free t‐shirt.

‐ They're made from the recycled waste of elephants.

‐ So, you guys are wearin' poop‐shirts.

‐ And you could, too,

if you signed up like your sister, Max.

What are you‐‐like a child's size medium?

‐ I'm a woman's "husky."

Phoebe, would you explain to your odd little friend here

how the whole Max/Phoebe twin thing works?

‐ Yeah, so, um, I tell Max something I care about

and ask for his help and then he does something‐‐

like that.

And then I do something‐‐

like that.

Although I'm sure it'd be a lot easier

if he just supported me for once.

‐ [watch beeps]

‐ Colosso, I told you not to call me at school.

You know I take my education seriously.

[suppressed laugh]

‐ COLOSSO: [laughing]

‐ But, for real, don't call me here again.

‐ COLOSSO: Don't hang up!

Dark Mayhem wants to have your first chronicle review tomorrow.

‐ Oh, that's terrible.

‐ I know. We're gonna have to cancel our Bunny 'n Me class.

‐ No. Bradford took my chronicle and locked it in his office.

‐ So? Steal it back.

‐ I tried, but...there was a tiny hiccup.

‐ [suspenseful music]

♪

‐ [alarm blaring] ‐ [bell ringing]

‐ PRINCIPAL BRADFORD's VOICE: Max Thunderman...

back away from the office door, you loser.

‐ [garbage can clattering]

‐ COLOSSO: If you have nothing to show Dark Mayhem,

you're done.

You'll have to really take your education seriously.

‐ Ahhhh!

‐ [laughing]

‐ But, for real, I need to find a way past the security system.

‐ Hmmm... let me see...

Ooh, there's a group called the Green Teens

that waters the plants at school and has keys to every room‐‐

including Bradford's office.

‐ I think I know what I have to do.

‐ Call me more often?

You never tell me about your day.

‐ [watch beeps]

‐ Hank, I knew you had the skills

to clean the gutters by yourself.

‐ That's right, honey.

I'm just as good at cleaning up this house

as I was at cleaning up crime.

‐ [heavy thud]

‐ That'll be tomorrow's project.

‐ Mom, Dad, check it out.

Billy made me this cool wizard's hat.

‐ And Nora made me this black pizza‐box hat.

‐ It's a graduation cap, Billy.

Remember this image.

It might be the last time you see it.

‐ I'm glad you two are having fun,

but I hope you didn't forget to put the scissors away again.

‐ Yeah, we have to be careful.

Chloe can teleport into any room‐‐

which is why we've been using the bathroom at the library.

‐ Don't worry. We put the scissors away.

‐ Yeah, we're not completely irresponsible.

‐ Good. Now if you'll excuse us,

we have some overdue books to return.

‐ I didn't put the scissors away. Did you?

‐ I never do.

‐ CHLOE: ♪ Found the scissors ♪

‐ BILLY: What did you do?

‐ I got a haircut.

‐ Oh, no, if Mom and Dad see that,

we're gonna be toast.

‐ I know how to fix this.

Bowl cut. Bam!

‐ You don't deserve to wear that hat.

‐ ♪

‐ Now the putting green has to have

freshly‐cut Bermuda grass.

‐ Uh, we're trying to have a meeting here.

‐ Have some respect, Phoebe.

This putting green is for our golf team.

‐ We don't have a golf team.

‐ [mockingly] "We don't have a golf team."

Nah.

So, let's talk water hazards.

‐ He cannot get away with this.

What's our plan to defeat him?

‐ The elephant who made these shirts

is going to stampede through the school.

No school. No Bradford.

The stink plant lives!

‐ No, we can't destroy the school.

‐ [mockingly] "No, we can't destroy the school."

Sorry, I just like when Bradford does that.

‐ So, I'm guessing we have nothing.

‐ You have me.

I present page 50, chapter 9, line 3 of the student handbook.

‐ Oh, Allison, this is where Max pretends to do something nice.

"A student group may reject the principal's plan

if a petition is signed by two‐thirds of the student body."

‐ And then I do something like this...

Wait, that was a good plan. ‐ Yeah, it's good.

And I already drew up a petition

on recycled dolphin‐ dirtied paper.

‐ Max, why are you doing this?

‐ Okay, I know you don't think I have a heart, but I do.

It's small, but it's there.

And when you said I don't support you,

[tiny voice] my little baby heart broke.

‐ That's really what you're goin' with?

‐ I don't blame you for being skeptical,

but I just really wanna help you take down Bradford.

‐ Okay, that, I believe.

All right, fine, you can help us.

Not because I trust you, but we're desperate.

‐ Good news. The elephant is available.

‐ [elephant trumpeting]

‐ Very desperate.

Okay, guys, um... Max is joining the Green Teens.

‐ So, do I get keys to every room in the school

now that I'm a Green Teen?

‐ Uh, I ran outta keys.

‐ Oh, man!

Uh, I just really wanna water the plants.

‐ ♪

‐ Well, tape didn't work, glue didn't work.

How are we gonna put this back on her head?

‐ How about the staple gun? ‐ Give me that!

Mom and Dad are gonna be so mad

that we changed our cute baby sister

into a teleporting, nubby‐haired freak!

‐ This is what we get for leaving the scissors out.

By the way, I don't think we ever put them away.

‐ What? We've gotta find them before Chloe gets them.

‐ [scissors snip] ‐ I got another haircut.

‐ BILLY & NORA: Ahhhhhh!

‐ BARB: Everything okay, kids?

‐ They're coming! Double snuggle.

‐ We heard yelling. What happened?

‐ Nothing. Just snuggling with my sisters.

We're tight, yo.

‐ Two haircuts.

‐ Tighter than two haircuts, son!

That's what the kids are saying these days.

‐ Oh, yeah, we know. We're cool.

‐ Yeah, cooler than two haircuts, son!

‐ That was close‐‐

and embarrassing for all involved.

There's got to be another way to cover her head.

‐ How? We're the only people we know who make hats

and I just stapled myself to the cabinet.

‐ It's amazing that we got all those signatures, Max.

‐ Now we just have to make back‐ups

in case Bradford tears up all our hard work.

Just look at what he did to my application

for an after‐school explosives camp.

‐ Why'd you stop?

‐ My...shoelace is untied.

Why don't you go ahead and get the door?

‐ Yes!

♪ A perfect double knot ♪

‐ ♪

‐ Uh, Phoebe, do you mind making the copies?

I have a leg cramp.

My body's rejecting me doing good deeds.

‐ Yeah, it's probably in shock like the rest of us.

‐ [blowing hot air] ‐ [doorknob drops]

‐ You know what, Max?

I think I owe you an apology.

‐ You do?

‐ Yeah. You see, I have a heart, too‐‐

only mine's like normal sized.

And it's used to getting hurt by you,

so, when you asked to help me,

I figured you were up to something, you know?

‐ I'm listening.

‐ But, I guess I was wrong.

You really do have my back.

And it feels good.

‐ Havin' it back feels great.

‐ You mean having my back? ‐ Sure. Sure.

[powers zapping] ‐ [paper fluttering]

‐ All right, when Bradford sees what we've done,

it is really gonna wrinkle his khakis.

‐ These are pleated slacks.

‐ Oh, that's a killer Bradford impression.

You really nailed his "inner sadness."

[gasping]

Now I have inner sadness.

‐ Phoebe, what happened to my door?

‐ What happened to Max?

‐ Oh. [groaning]

He stole his diary back. ‐ Diary?

Max!

‐ And you used your Green Teens' key to help him.

‐ Ma‐a‐a‐a‐ax!

‐ Which means I get to shut down the Green Teens.

And you'll never see that stink plant bloom,

thanks to you and...

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Say it with me...

‐ BOTH: Max.

‐ ♪

‐ I can't wait to impress the pants off Dark Mayhem.

Wait, he does wear pants under that robe, right?

‐ I'm just disappointed you got your chronicle back

and no one got hurt.

‐ Max, how could you do that to me?

‐ Oh, Phoebe got hurt? Good job!

‐ Using me to steal your stupid book

back from Bradford is pretty low.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

‐ I don't wanna brag,

but, yeah, it was pretty awesome, hey.

‐ Bradford accused me of helping you

and shut down the Green Teens.

Because of you, that stink plant is doomed.

‐ Phoebe, it's just smelly cabbage.

‐ It's not just about the plant.

For once, I thought you actually had my back.

‐ I did have your back.

Then I stabbed ya in it.

‐ You know what?

Even after all the times you've disappointed me,

I always thought that

deep down inside you there was some good.

Today made me realize

you really are just a bad person.

So, I'm done wasting my time on you.

‐ Oh, come on.

That's not how the whole Max/Phoebe twin thing works.

Hey...smack this book outta my hand.

‐ I gotcha, pal. ‐ What...?

‐ And, so, the Max/Colosso thing begins.

‐ We did it, Billy.

We made Chloe a hat that'll hide her hair

and won't make Mom and Dad suspicious.

‐ I look good, baby!

‐ Yeah, you do.

And I made one for Colosso.

You know he's gonna ask for it.

‐ What is on Chloe's head?

‐ It's the new hat we made her out of love

that she wants to wear forever.

Please, let her wear it forever?

‐ Barb, remember how we wanted to make

"The Many Months of Chloe" calendar.

‐ Oh, my gosh, she's a perfect "May" right now!

Can you guys make a hat for each month?

‐ No way! That's like 70 hats.

‐ Let's just make the hats ourselves, Barb.

‐ You grab the paper, I'll grab Chloe and the scissors.

‐ Yay, scissors!

‐ ALL: [chanting] You can't take our plant!

You can't take our plant!

‐ Get your nerd chain outta here!

You're not even a club anymore.

‐ We're a new club‐‐

the Green Teenz with a "z".

‐ [mockingly] Green Teenz with a "z". Unh!

Beat ya to it, Bradford.

‐ Principal Bradford, if you wanna bulldoze that plant,

you're gonna have to go through us.

‐ [laughing]

‐ You can go through them, right?

‐ Fine! Joke's on you, kids.

I can stay here all night.

I've got no hobbies, friends...

[voice cracking] ... or family.

‐ Hold strong.

He's trying to chase us away with tales of his sad life.

‐ ALL: [chanting] You can't take our plant!

You can't take our plant! You can't take our plant!

You can't take our plant!

‐ I'm ready for my close‐up.

‐ All right, we're almost done with the hats.

‐ We're so dead. We're so dead. We're so dead!

‐ Look, we're gonna be in trouble no matter what.

Maybe we'll get in less trouble if we just admit what we did.

‐ The truth?

We're so dead. We're so dead. We're so dead!

‐ Okay, where are the, uh, scissors?

‐ Um, you were using them for July.

‐ Oh, good, Chloe has 'em.

Chloe has them! ‐ Oh!

What have we done?

‐ Mom, Dad we have a confession to‐‐

‐ Whatever it is, it can wait.

Chloe cut her hair because we left the scissors out.

‐ You did?

I mean...you did?

‐ Don't beat yourself up. This could happen to anyone.

Like, literally, anyone in this room

could have made the same exact mistake.

‐ Hank, you grab Chloe.

We're going to the hair salon.

‐ Yay, more scissors!

‐ NORA & BILLY: ♪ We're so not dead ♪

‐ Okay, remember, don't smile.

Mayhem hates smiling.

And check your shirt. You've got schmutz on it.

‐ Got it‐‐ smile on my shirt.

‐ What?

You've been acting weird

ever since Phoebe let you have it.

‐ Uh, the only weird thing is

you cleaning my shirt with your paw.

‐ [computer blooping]

‐ That's him! That's enough.

‐ Hello, Max.

Is that schmutz on your shirt?

‐ Uh, sorry, my dark lord.

I had a very evil bagel.

‐ It's time for your evil review.

I want to know if you're supervillain material.

‐ Max, tell him how you betrayed your sister.

‐ Uh, well...

there's really not much to say.

‐ Nonsense!

Pushing away family is a huge step

on the road to an evil life.

I pushed my nana into a tiger pit.

And look at how happy I am now.

‐ Well, my sister always thought

there was good in me somewhere,

so I kinda used that to...

‐ Come on, Max, spit it out.

‐ Get outta my head, Phoebe.

‐ Did you just call me "Phoebe"?

‐ Uh, Max has girl nicknames for everyone.

He calls me "Sheila." ‐ What are you waiting for?

Tell Dark Mayhem how I'm done wasting my time on you.

‐ Like I care.

‐ I've always been there for you

and, evil or not,

that's not something you wanna lose.

‐ I'm not gonna lose it.

You'll just forgive me like you always do.

‐ Not this time. Don't you get it?

That whole Max/Phoebe twin thing...

it's over.

‐ DARK MAYHEM: Who are you talking to?

This is why I hate video chatting.

‐ Know what? I've gotta get outta here.

‐ DARK MAYHEM: What?

No one walks out on Dark Mayhem!

‐ So... how's Mrs. Mayhem?

‐ DARK MAYHEM: Zip it, Sheila.

‐ GREEN TEENZ: ♪ So gather round ♪

♪ The stink plant ♪

♪ We're gonna win this war ♪

♪ Huddle round the stink plant ♪

‐ ♪ 'Cause Bradford stinks much more! ♪

‐ While you guys were making my ears bleed,

I downloaded the bulldozer manual.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Beat it, Johnny Rulebook!

‐ Oh, no, he's gonna bulldoze us.

Run!

Okay, tying ourselves together was a bad idea.

‐ [bulldozer engine starts] ‐ Shuffle right!

‐ So long, stinky!

‐ [dramatic music]

‐ Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

‐ [dramatic music]

‐ Phoebe, use your telekinesis to stop him.

‐ I can't get my hands free.

‐ [dramatic music]

‐ What...? What is happening?

‐ Yeah, what is happening?

‐ Look. It's Max.

‐ I'm not the only one who can destroy clubs, Bradford.

‐ [powers zapping] ‐ Oh, no! No!

My golf clubs!

‐ [golf clubs crunching]

‐ STUDENTS: [cheering, applauding]

‐ Our positive energy and clever use of the letter "z"

saved the stink plant!

‐ Phoebs, listen,

I know you said you're done with

the whole Max/Phoebe twin thing,

but I'm hoping all this changes your mind?

‐ I don't know, Max. ‐ Wait. Wait. Wait.

I know you don't think I have a heart.

But I do.

It's small... but it's there.

‐ Still goin' with that?

‐ This time it's true, okay?

I'm not good at this.

Smack the book outta my hand.

‐ Well, I guess you did show up.

Okay, this doesn't mean I totally forgive you.

[sighing] [smacking book]

‐ Thanks.

‐ We did it, Green Teenz with a "z".

Look, the stink plant is starting to bloom.

‐ [plant crackling]

‐ Wow, it's so beautiful.

I can't wait to destroy it!

Fore!

‐ [liquid spraying]

‐ [coughing, sputtering]

[whining] It smells like my life.

Ohhh...

‐ ♪

‐ Max, finally!

Do you have any idea what you did

when you walked out on Dark Mayhem?

‐ I know. I threw away my chance with him.

‐ No, you impressed the evil pants off him.

‐ I did?

‐ He loved that you had the nerve to walk out on him.

He's excited to see what other evil

you fill your chronicle with.

‐ Yes! I still have an evil future.

‐ So, why'd you run out so fast?

‐ Uh... I...

was at a thing that I... had to...

you know?

‐ PHOEBE: Tell him, Max.

Tell him how much you care about your twin sister.

Fine. I care about you.

‐ COLOSSO: Huh?

That's all I ever wanted to hear.

‐ Oh...

‐ ♪

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