Original subtitles

- Are you guys ready to make the best epic fail video ever?

- We were born ready.

- Pig Billy, Boy Billy. Pig Billy, Boy Billy.

Pig Billy, Boy Billy. - Nora...

You are the adorable little t-ball player

and, Billy, you are the unlucky kid

who "accidentally" gets in her way.

Hold and...

Action!

- [stiffly] Time to hit one over the fence.

- [stiffly] Swing away, but be careful

not to hit me in my "special area."

- Oh, cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!

Guys, epic fails are supposed to look natural.

- You want an epic fail--

just point the camera at your face.

- Ah, look who's back from rehearsals of the "Buttcracker."

- The "Buttcracker"?

I see that ballet every time dad bends over.

- It's called "Swan Lake"

and I worked really hard to get the lead.

And in just a few short days,

I'll make my dance debut and become "The Swan."

- So, it's going to be three hours of that?

- I know. Aren't you excited?

- Clear out, birdbrain.

I've gotta get back to my epic fail video

so I can win that Chirper contest.

- The first video to get to one million re-chirps

wins $10,000.

- Let me guess--you have some ridiculous

over-the-top plan for the winnings.

- No. I'm gonna buy a tiny island in the South Pacific

where I'll start a dictatorship called Maxlandia!

- Wait, what'll we get?

- You guys get to be one of the lucky few

to be on the internet.

- I just wanna hit something with a bat.

- MAX: Oh! - BILLY: Oh, ho, ho!

- The camera wasn't rolling.

- I know.

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- These epic fails are epic fakes.

How dare they call my staged videos fake!

You guys need to fail better.

- Fail better as we skateboard down the stairs backwards.

Got it.

- Yeah, I'm not doing that.

- ["Swan Lake" music]

- Hiddenville High presents "Swan Lake" this Saturday.

Get your tickets now to see me become...

"The Swan."

- Get outta the living room, flappy feet.

- [turns off music] - No way.

I'm making this video to post on Chirper

so we can boost ticket sales for the ballet.

We've only sold five so far.

- Ooh, I bought my five tickets, sweetie!

[squealing] I am so proud of you.

- Thanks, Mom.

Beat it, loser!

- Okay, guys, we are still making our video.

Just ignore Phoebe and remember...

this epic fail has to look real.

- Got it! Let's rock this!

- Oh!

- BILLY & NORA: [laughing]

- Did you see that?

That's the kind of video you should be making.

- Great idea, Nora.

You're fired.

Phoebe, are you okay?

Uh, let me, uh, use your phone to call the paramedics.

- [powers zapping] Nice try, Max.

You are not posting this video of me falling.

I've worked "tutu" hard.

[laughing] Tutu.

Ballet humor. You wouldn't get it.

Now I'll just go post the good parts to Chirper

and then ballet it down for an app.

Okay, I'm done with ballet humor now.

- I'll get that phone.

For Maxlandia!

- Hank, I'm going to run errands.

Let the gardener in.

- That's great, sweetheart.

Wait, gardeners cost money.

- I found poison ivy in the back yard.

He's removing it.

So, you kids stay out of the backyard.

There's poison ivy over there.

- BOTH: That's great, Mom.

- Okay, you know what would be great?

If you kids went inside until I got back.

- Well, don't be silly. I'm right here.

I can watch 'em.

- I know, but if they get poison ivy,

they'll be miserable and they'll miss the ballet.

- Oh, I get it.

If your kids are in a bus hanging off a bridge,

call Thunderman.

Ooh, but there's a scary bush in the back yard.

Everybody in the house.

- I'm sorry, honey. I totally trust you.

See you guys later.

- Okay, Nora, watch me sink this shot.

- This is why we get picked last in gym.

- I'll get it.

- Wait, I think that's where mom just said the poison ivy was.

- Mom was out here?

- Somebody was yelling at us.

Maybe we should ask dad if we can get it?

- Hey, Dad, can we get our disc back?

- Is it on the roof? - BILLY & NORA: No.

- Then go ahead.

- [zooming]

Got it--and no poison ivy.

Up top! - [palms smack]

- MAX: [powers zapping]

[powers zapping]

- [sighing]

Teen girl cell phone death grip.

Time for The Epic Faillerina to buy me my island.

Uploading Phoebe's fall to my Chirper page.

- [data zooming]

- Rubbing Phoebe's phone in my armpit.

And now I make my clean getaway.

- [food splatting]

- Cleanish.

- ♪

- Ow.

- Hey, genius, somebody gave me poison ivy.

- Ew, who did that?

- Look in a mirror.

- [gasping] Is he behind me?

- No. It's you.

Don't you have a rash, too?

- Only this tiny red dot on my arm.

Ahhhhhhh! It's growing!

- It only grows when you scratch it.

- Then we should stop scratching.

- But it feels so good. - I know.

- What is happening in here?

Oh, no.

You got poison ivy?

Please don't tell me this happened on my watch.

- It didn't. - Whew.

- It happened while you were ignoring us on your watch.

- You cannot tell your mom.

She'll never let me hear the end of it.

Don't worry--I'll find a cure.

Aw, what's this for?

- Just giving you poison ivy to make sure

you want this cure as much as we do.

- Ha. Nice try, Nora.

I flew into the sun once.

Do you really think Thunderman can get poison ivy?

Ahhhhhhh!

It's like a thousand fire ants are eating my skin!

- Phoebe, I saw your video on Chirper.

Quite a performance.

- Oh, thanks.

Looks like my post was a hit.

- Yeah, a real smash.

Hopefully, a million people will see it.

- I hope you got your ticket

to the show tomorrow night, Gideon.

- Sure did. Can't wait to see you "break a leg."

- Thanks. But "break a leg" is for theater folks.

Saying it to a dancer is kinda creepy.

Especially when you make that face.

- Your first fan.

Looks like you became a star even before

you made your big debut.

You're welcome.

- I am not a star, Max. I'm just Phoebe.

The same humble sister you've always known.

Now if you'll excuse me, my fans are waiting.

- That's it--fall for Gideon.

- CROWD: Aww...

- Don't worry, you'll get the full show on Saturday.

[sighing] Good afternoon, Madame Gigi.

- Bonjour, Phoebe.

Okay, too much touching.

- Sorry, I'm just excited.

It's our last rehearsal before the big show.

- Yes, the show, it is sold out.

The girls say it's because of your...video.

- Sold out?

That's so awesome.

It'll be standing room only, when I become...

"The Swan."

- No, no, no.

Phoebe, Mathilda will become "The Swan."

You will stay home.

- I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

Your accent made it sound like I'm staying home.

- Oui. You will ruin my show.

You are the one who falls and breaks things, non?

[clapping hands]

"The Epic Faillerina"?

- Epic Faillerina?

Oh!

Yeah, that's me, but I didn't fall.

Well, I did fall, but...

How did I even--

Max!

- Oh, there's the swan princess.

- [slams locker]

- Well, aren't you the angry bird.

- The Epic Faillerina?

You turned me into The Epic Faillerina!

- I turned you into a Chirper sensation

and helped you sell out your stupid ballet show.

- Oh! You mean the ballet show I was kicked out of

because you turned me into The Epic Faillerina!

- It's cool. She knows me.

We're practically dating. [laughing]

Phoebe, can you take a picture with my--

- [growling]

- My boo says now is not a good time.

- So that's exciting. You and Gideon, hm?

- Max, this is my first lead in a ballet.

I have destroyed my toes for this moment.

- To be fair, you've always had unsightly toes.

- Well, you're not gonna have any toes,

if you don't take down that video.

- No, way. I am this close to winning that contest

and buying my island.

Tell you what.

You can prance around in your chicken suit

at the grand opening of Maxlandia.

- This isn't over, Max.

One way or another, I'm gonna get you back--

right after I get my lead back.

And I'm gonna show all of you that I am not The Epic Failler--

Whoa! - CROWD: [gasping]

- [cell phone cameras clicking]

- Starting now.

Okay now.

- Dad, did you find the cure?

- Not yet, but I promise I will click on every link,

I will search every page, and I will not rest until--

Ooh, hoo, hoo, pictures of celebrities without makeup.

- Dad, focus!

Our poison ivy's getting worse.

- I hope, for your sake,

that mom doesn't come home soon.

- COMPUTER VOICE: Alert! Alert!

Mom is approaching.

- Oh, no. Hide your arms.

Do not let her see you scratching.

- Oh, I found the cutest outfit

to wear to the ballet tonight.

- Oh, that's great, honey.

- I'm just gonna go upstairs and find some shoes to match.

Oh, we're gonna have so much fun tonight.

- Dad, I can't live like this.

You have to find that cure.

- Oh, here's something.

There's a rare plant in the Amazon

that the locals say cures poison ivy.

Check it out. - Think it'll work?

- Only one way to find out.

Race ya there, Billy. - BILLY: [zooming]

- Thunderman, awa-- - BILLY: [zooming] Got it!

- I've gotta get a shorter catchphrase.

- ALL: [sighing]

- Dr. Colosso, my Epic Faillerina video

should be closing in on a million re-chirps.

Ready to celebrate with some cake?

- I can't believe we're gonna get our own country.

- We? It's Maxlandia, not Max-and-his-bunny-landia.

- Tell that to the flag. [clicking button]

Ta-da! - [fanfare music]

- We're not using that.

- Awww...

- All right, here we go.

What's going on? Where's my video?

- Deleted. - Ahhhhhh!

- [heavy thud]

- A few hours ago, I came down here

to rub a bunch of your stuff under my armpit.

Instead, I found your computer was open... [laughing]

...and you were still logged in.

- What? That's impossible. I never forget to log out.

Unless someone else forgot to log out.

- Ooh. Sorry, I had some important work

to do this morning.

- [music playing] - Yeah!

- WOMAN ON VIDEO: Good job, flex ladies.

Ooh, you gotta burn it to earn it!

Come on! - Oh, yeah!

- Let's go, gals! - Yea-a-a-a-h!

I can crush a carrot with these bunny buns.

Wanna see me earn it? - MAX: No!

- Hmph.

- Phoebe, I can't believe you did this.

- Well, it wasn't all me.

You were kind enough to send that email to Madame Gigi

confessing you faked the video.

- I didn't send any--

[gasping] You hacked my email?!

- [feigned gasping]

- You will not be prancing at the grand opening of Maxlandia.

- Oh, I'll be prancing tonight.

That's right--Madame Gigi gave me the lead back.

I'm gettin' ma swan on!

- ["Swan Lake" music]

♪

♪

- Phoebe looks so graceful and elegant, don't you think?

- I'm going to the toilet.

Hey, Gideon, take my phone and record

everything that happens onstage, okay?

I've got 10 grand to win-- and I'm not sharing.

- That's cool.

As long as I can get your sister's phone number off this.

- Just promise to call her every day.

- ["Swan Lake" music continues]

- Here we go. Epic Faillerina's about to ruin "Swan Lake."

[powers zapping]

- [plastic swan rattling]

- ♪

- [powers zapping]

- [plant whooshing]

- [powers zapping]

- [flower pot shattering]

- ♪

- Don't glare at me, you feathered freak.

- ♪

- [powers zapping]

- [scenery thudding]

- AUDIENCE: [gasping]

- ♪

- [powers zapping]

- [purse thudding]

- You just hit the emperor of Maxlandia.

- [purse thudding]

- You just hit him again!

- ♪

- AUDIENCE: [applauding, cheering]

- Oh, beautiful dance, Phoebe!

Now, your Black Swan costume is hanging over there.

You change while I go sell over-priced refreshments.

- Thank you, Madame Gigi.

- Oh. Okay. Okay. Too much touching.

[clapping hands]

- Whoa!

Get out of here, Max.

And stop trying to make me fail.

It's not gonna work.

- I know. You're too good out there.

Which is why I'm shoving you in here.

- What? What? Max!

- [door lock clicks]

- [pounding on door] Max, what are you doing?

- Time for this swan to lay an egg.

- PHOEBE: [pounding on door] [rattling door handle]

- ["Swan Lake" music continues]

♪

- Wow, that costume sure makes Phoebe look muscle-y.

- Hey! - Ow!

- That isn't Phoebe. I think it's Max.

- Give it up, girlfriend.

- [heavy thud] - Yeah, that's the stuff.

- Oh! - What?

What's wrong? - What is that on your neck?

- Oh! It's a leech.

It must be from the Amazon plant.

[ripping material] Ahhhh!

- BARB: [silently] What?

- Ahhh, bloodsuckers!

- [groaning] - [heavy thud]

- Hank, what is happening?

- The kids got poison ivy on my watch

and I hid it because I didn't want to admit I was wrong.

I'm sorry. I love you. I've gotta go hose us off.

Tell Phoebe she was great-- and Max, too.

- ♪

- PHOEBE: [pounding on door] Let me outta here!

Max! Let me outta here!

Come on, Max!

- [door thuds] - MAN: [groaning]

- Max just messed with the wrong swan.

- [heavy thud]

- The chicken's outta the coop.

Time to fly!

- ♪

- [powers zapping]

- This got weird quick.

- [heavy thud] - MAX: Oh!

- [scenery creaking] - Aw, buttcrackers.

- [cable snaps] - MAX: Oh!

- ♪

♪

[musical finale]

- Great job, Phoebe!

- AUDIENCE: [cheering, applauding]

- MAX: [muffled grunting]

- [heavy thud]

- Hey. Wanna see my first place certificate

from the Chirper contest?

- No! I can't believe Gideon gave you

my "Black Swan Fail" video.

- Well, he does think we're dating.

- Weird.

So, what are you gonna do with the $10,000?

- Well, I used most of it to pay for

dad, Billy and Nora's leech removal.

And then I bought you some land with the rest.

- [gasping] You bought me land?

- [laughing] Yep.

Enjoy your island, Your Majesty.

- It's a start.

For Maxlandia!

- ♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0