Original subtitles

♪ Thinkin' I was born in the wrong time ♪

♪ One of a kind ♪

♪ Livin' in a world gone plastic ♪

♪ Baby you're so classic ♪

- [clicks off music] Baby, you're so loud.

- Sorry, just feeding breakfast

to Malcolm and Tony from MKTO.

- Phoebe, you've lost your mind.

- No, the MKTO concert is completely sold out,

but I can still get two tickets

if I win "The Most Outrageous Fan" contest.

I call this "Waking up with MKTO."

- I call it waking up people who don't want to be awake.

- Hey, hey, hey. It's never too early for bacon.

Thank you. - PHOEBE: [powers zap]

That's for Tony. He loves apple-smoked bacon.

But he hates pineapple.

He's deathly allergic to it.

- Well, you'd better hope he's not allergic to crazy.

- Achoo!

Oh, no, I'm allergic to crazy.

Phoebe, you have to move out.

- I am not crazy, okay?

This contest is huge.

People are sending poems, weaving quilts.

One gutsy girl even tried to make a butter sculpture.

I ran out of butter, okay?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a contest to win.

Boys, who wants pancakes?

[clicks on music] ♪ You're over my head ♪

♪ I'm out of my mind ♪

♪ Thinkin' I was born... ♪

- Shouldn't we be worried about that?

- What? It's teenage girl going gaga over a band.

Totally normal.

- Not her, him.

- So, where you come from is everyone made out of cardboard?

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- ♪

- Oyster, do you have any idea

how to order fries on this thing?

- Hey, first time at Splatburger?

You get Splat hats.

- Uh, oh, dude, no hats.

We're kind of known for our hair.

- Oh, what's that like?

Anyway, here's the deal-- all the food's pre-cooked,

so you've just gotta punch your order in like this,

and it shoots out of these tubes onto your plates.

Splat away! [laughing]

- Sweet! - Cool!

- Yeah, food from tubes.

The future's here, boys.

Uh, I'm legally bound to tell you

there's no way to actually clean these babies.

[knocks on table] Good luck.

- [food shoots, thuds] - Ah, bonus pickle.

- Whoa, check it out.

It's that girl from school you think likes you.

- Her name's Cassandra and she does like me, all right?

We play ignore-flirt all the time.

Oh, she's good.

- I wish I could go out with you, Craig, but I can't.

I'm going to the MKTO concert on Friday.

- She shut him down.

But at least she spoke to him.

- Hey, clam it, Oyster. I've got an idea.

- Hey, uh, Max, right?

I didn't see you there. - Yeah, you didn't.

So, I was lookin' at the Polynesian pot stickers.

I love apple-smoked bacon, but I can't have pineapple.

See, I'm deathly allergic to that.

- Oh! That's just like Tony from...

- CASSANDRA & MAX: MKTO!

- What, you like them, too? - I'm literally obsessed.

What's your favorite song? - Uh...all of them!

- But if you had to pick one, what would it be?

- [loud thud] - Ow!

- I can't just pick one, either.

Are you going to the concert?

- Yeah, of course, I'm going.

Maybe we can meet up and rock out.

- Sounds like a date. [laughs]

- Epic play, man.

But isn't that concert sold out?

- Oh, dude, way ahead of you.

Phoebe's entering this MKTO contest

and if I help her win, she'll give me one of her tickets.

- Nice!

We should celebrate with more fries.

- Yes! - Yo, tube dudes!

More fries!

- Oyster, that's not how it works.

Maybe it is.

- Ah, the "Thunder Purge." My favorite time of the year.

I get to destroy all our old junk and not get in trouble.

[powers zapping]

- [coughing]

I'm no lung doctor, but I'm pretty sure this is bad for me.

- Guys, say hello to our new...

shredder. - [thuds heavily]

- It's gonna help us clean this place up.

- Are you sure this thing can handle

a year's worth of Thunder trash?

- It can shred anything.

Check it out. - [shredder whirring]

- [machine shredding]

- Ha! Ha!

- Whoa, it's a super-shredder.

- Yeah, and without the ashy aftermath.

- We don't need that thing. Watch this!

[powers zapping] - Ow!

There go the instructions.

- Come on, Billy. Let's play Hide and Seek.

- Um...maybe later.

Welcome to the family.

I'm gonna call you Shreddy.

- [powers zapping] - Ow.

That's Nora. I'll tell you about her later.

- Phoebe, are you taking the cut-outs for a walk?

- That's ridiculous.

Who takes cardboard cut-outs for a walk?

I'm using them as kites.

- Lame alert! - It is not lame.

I'm gonna take a picture of them

up in the air for the MKTO contest,

and then they'll know my love for them is sky high.

Get it? - I get it.

Yeah, it's lame.

- Well, Phoebe, lucky for you

I've got a winning idea

that'll only cost you one of your tickets.

- You wanna go to the MKTO concert?

What's her name?

- It's Cassandra from school.

She's going. I told her I'd meet her there.

- Aw, Cassandra's so sweet. - Yeah.

- Why would I ruin her life by helping you date her?

- Okay.

- Besides, my cut-out idea's already gonna win.

Right, guys?

- Hey, look, a dry-cleaning bill...

- Oh, my. - ...from three years ago?

- They itemized it. - Oh.

- All right, fine. What's your big idea?

Throw me out of a plane?

And I know Malcolm loves classic cars

and Siberian huskies,

and Tony named his hamster Princess Leia.

I know everything about you, MKTO!

But not so much that it's weird.

I'm your most outrageous fan and I'm falling for yooooouuuu!

- Cut! - Okay, now let me down.

- You got it. - Whoa!

- [heavy thud] - [laughing]

Now do it again--just higher and closer to the rocks.

- All we have to do now

is upload the video to the contest websites.

- Do you think we'll win? - I know we'll win.

Between your freakish fan knowledge

and my video skills, it's a slam-dunk.

- Thank you so much for everything.

Except for dropping me on my face.

- True.

- So, you rigging the contest?

- Do monkeys have monkey butts?

I'm gonna put a hidden message in the video

that says "Pick me" every four seconds.

- Great idea!

But for the record, it's monkey heinies.

Look it up.

- Guys, why invite me,

if you're gonna stare at Cassandra

and you're gonna stare at your phone

to find out if you won that contest?

- We didn't invite you.

You were already here.

- Oh.

Then carry on.

- MKTO! Oh, my gosh, we won!

We actually won!

Max, we did it! - Yes, up top!

- Thank you so much.

I take back everything bad I've ever said about you.

- Of course, I would do anything for my sister.

Now get lost. Cassandra's coming!

Hey, Cassandra.

You getting excited for our concert date?

- Bad news, Max. My ticket fell through.

I can't go.

- Well, uh, maybe we can do something else.

- And have you miss out on the concert?

You love MKTO.

- I also love waterslides.

Let's find one and go there.

- I can't do that to you.

You just...

have to go for the both of us.

- [Shreddy whirring] - Oh, ho, ho!

Oh! Ha! Ha! This thing's unstoppable.

I thought a shredder would be fun,

but it...it really completes the family.

- It's purge day, Shreddy,

and you're at the top of my list.

[powers zapping]

- [Shreddy powers down] - Oh, no!

What happened?

- Looks like it's got a faulty wire.

You know who doesn't need a wire?

- [Shreddy powers up]

- Shreddy, you have a back-up battery!

- This is shredding my mind!

- Do you really think I'm gonna give you

both MKTO tickets?

- Do monkeys have monkey butts?

- Heinies.

- Whatever they sit on.

The answer is no.

Mom, did the concert tickets get here?

- Yeah, I left them with the mail.

- Where's the mail? - On top of the magazines.

- Where's the magazines? - In Shreddy's belly.

- You shredded my tickets?

- I'm not sure.

I shredded the list of things I shredded.

- Don't worry, the tickets must be

in one of the 50 trash bags out back.

- Not so popular now, are you, Shreddy.

- [Shreddy whirring] - Ah!

- I need to find those tickets.

How will Malcom and/or Tony

fall in love with me, if they never see me?

- You'll find the tickets, sweetie.

We'll help you. Come on.

- Hey, the concert tickets.

Uh, Phoebe?

- Hey, what are you doing?

She wouldn't have won, if it wasn't for you.

You should use those tickets

to take that Cassandra girl you think likes you.

- She does like me!

- Max, why'd you call me?

Did you find the tickets? - No!

I was just practicing how I'd yell your name,

if I found the tickets-- which I definitely did not.

- Great. Still no tickets,

but somehow I made these paper mittens.

- Don't worry, sweetie.

We have two more hours before the concert.

Everybody glue faster.

- We do not know how this happened.

- Uh-uh.

- Just forget it. We're never gonna find them.

At least I can still hang out with my cardboard cuties.

Anyone seen Malcolm and Tony?

- Well, here's Tony.

You do not want to see Malcolm.

- That's it, my life is officially over.

- Aw, honey, I--Oh!

And I'm stuck.

A little help here, Hank?

- I can't. I seem to have joined the band!

- ♪

- So, here's your ticket.

- Thanks. This is so exciting.

Concert selfie!

Now let me get a picture of my hero.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- [wings flapping] - [poop splats]

- CROWD: [laughing]

- Please tell me that it's rain...

with a hint of green.

- Hey, in some cultures,

it's considered to be good luck.

- Yeah, in all cultures it's disgusting.

- [laughing]

- Wait, you're not gonna post that on Chirper, are you?

- Oops, I kinda just did. - Wha...?

- But you looked so cute.

- You hashtagged me birdturd?

- It's my first nickname for you.

It's adorb.

- Why don't you work on my second nickname

while I go wash this off.

- Hurry back, BT. [laughing]

Hey, I just did it.

- Keep workin' on it!

- [sighs] Stupid shoe.

Can't even make it three blocks.

I'm so done with this day.

- Welcome to Splatburger.

Forgive me, I'm a little flustered

from this crazy dinner rush.

[laughs]

- I'm the only one here.

- Uh, for now.

But when that MKTO concert lets out,

there's gonna be food flyin' out of that tube,

and that tube, and, oh... [laughing]

...that tube. Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat!

- [sighs]

- Sweet! This place is empty.

Well, I guess we don't need these.

- [moustaches ripping] - Ow!

- Oh!

- It's MKTO!

- Woo, man, good thing no one's here.

I mean, I love our fans, but...

we seem to lose a few every time

they see you chew your food, you know?

- [laughing] Okay, mom.

Look, I'm just glad we're gonna get

a nice, quiet meal before tonight's concert, you know?

- Right, just a couple of regular guys,

not MKTO, you know?

- It's MKTO! I'm so chirping this.

We're gonna be packed in no time.

- Wait, no. You'll scare them away.

- [powers gusting] - [frost crackling]

- Excuse me? Can we get a table?

- Ra--Ra--

Right away. [laughing]

- Hey, are you... Are you okay?

- I'm feeling a little weak in the knees.

- Are you sure it's not your busted shoes?

- Come on, Malcolm,

you don't insult a pretty girl's shoes.

- Right. Right. - Pretty?

[snorts]

Have a seat.

I'm gonna water some grab you.

I mean grab you some water.

- Thank you.

- [excited squealing]

- The Port-a-Potty has no soap or water.

What are we, animals?

- Max! Hey! - You went in?

- I had to. The line started moving.

But then I met a bunch of peeps

who re-chirped your photo

and now it's all over the Internet.

How excited are you?

- Uh, zero, not very.

- But you're famous.

Everyone's calling your birdturd.

- That is the wrong kind of famous.

- Hurry, I'll see you inside, turdsie.

Oh, another nickname. I'm on fire.

[laughs]

- Whoa! Sorry, slick.

No cuttin' on my watch.

Get to the back of the line.

- I'm not cutting. I waited in line.

I just stepped out for a sec.

- Oh, my bad.

Well, in that case, get to the back of the line!

- Come on, man, my date's inside waiting for me.

I can see her from here.

- Do you know where you won't see her from?

- BOTH: The back of the line.

- First a bird poops on me, now this.

- Hold up.

Hey, you're birdturd.

You gotta lead with that, BT.

Just show me your ticket and you're in.

- Yes, thank you, Mr. Bouncer.

Oh, no, I lost my ticket.

- Oh, birdturd!

It is not your day.

- Maybe I left it in the Port-a-Potty.

- [pounding]

- MAX: Whoa!

Oh, definitely no ticket.

- All right, Shreddy,

time to make school lunches for the next month.

- [Shreddy whirring]

- Aw, turkey again?

- Billy, what are you doing?

We were playing Hide and Seek.

I've been hiding in Dad's laundry pile for an hour.

- Sounds like someone needs some fresh-sliced turkey.

- I don't want your petty poultry.

I can't believe you blew me off

to hang with this rust bucket.

- Don't listen to her, Shreddy.

She's just jealous of your lifetime warranty

on parts and labor.

- [Shreddy whirring]

- Shreddy, no!

I don't wanna be lunch meat!

Ah, Nora! Help!

- [powers zapping]

- [Shreddy powers down]

- Oh, Billy, are you okay?

- Yeah, but I think I need to go change.

- Your hoodie? - No, my pants.

Nora, I'm sorry I spent so much time with Shreddy.

A shredder could never replace you.

- He's right.

You are the only destructive force we need in our lives.

- Aw, thanks, guys.

- [powers zapping] - OTHERS: [yelping]

- Don't ever try to replace me again.

- [menu beeping] - Mmm!

- BOTH: Whoa!

- Where did this just come from?

- I don't know, but I know where it's going.

- And here is some wasabi ranch sauce

for your pigs in a blanket.

- Oh, on point. That's my favorite.

Wait, how did you know that?

- 'Cause I know everything

about y-- ummy dipping sauces.

Splat away. [laughing]

- Ooh, here come my Polynesian pot stickers.

- Tony can't eat Polynesian pot stickers.

He's allergic to pineapple.

- Woo! - Yeah!

- Love it!

- Hey, that shoe just took out my Polynesian pot sticker.

- I'm sorry, it's just that you're allergic to pineapple

and I didn't want you to get sick.

You're MKTO!

- I think the shoe ninja's a fan, bro.

- Okay, it's true. I...

I'm a super fan, but I heard you guys say

that you wanted to have a quiet meal,

and I ruined it and I'm sorry.

- Sorry for what? You just saved my life.

Look, how...how can we repay you?

- Marry me.

Sorry. [laughing]

That was really weird.

Let's just hang out forever.

- Hm, I think we have a better idea.

- Mm-hm.

♪ We broke down tryin' to leave town ♪

♪ Flyin' on the road to change ♪

♪ We were born to run ♪

♪ Cali, here we come ♪

♪ Escape from nowhere USA ♪

- ♪ Say goodbye to white picket fences ♪

♪ Say hello to palm trees and Benzes ♪

♪ They said you gotta fall to have it all ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ No we don't want two kids and a wife ♪

♪ I don't want a job I just want a life ♪

♪ Sometimes the underdogs rise ♪

♪ And the mighty fall ♪ - ♪ And the mighty fall ♪

♪ This ain't the same summer song ♪

♪ That you used to know ♪

♪ 'Cause Jack left Diane 30 years ago ♪

♪ The world is spinning too fast ♪

♪ For you and me ♪

♪ So tell me ♪

♪ Whatever happened to the American Dream ♪

♪ Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na ♪

♪ Na Na Na Na Na Na ♪

♪ Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na ♪

♪ Na Na Na Na Na Na ♪

- Not again.

You win, birds.

- [birds screeching]

- Uh-oh! I said you win! You win!

- ♪ This ain't the same summer song ♪

♪ That you used to know ♪

♪ 'Cause Jack left Diane 30 years ago ♪

♪ The world is spinning too fast ♪

♪ For you and me ♪

♪ So tell me ♪

♪ Whatever happened to the American Dream ♪

- [sighs]

Does this night ever have to end?

- Yeah, we kinda have that concert thing.

- [cell phone ringing]

- And apparently there is some crazy fan

outside the venue screaming at birds.

- What?

- Some fans just don't know how to act.

- Yeah. Are you putting my used napkin in your pocket?

- What? No.

- Shreddy Thunderman, you are no longer part of this family.

It's time to go.

- Hit it, Nora.

- [powers zapping]

- Okay, come on.

Who wants to watch me throw this at the moon?

- OTHERS: Yay!

- Yikes, what happened to you?

- It's a long story.

- I hope it ends with you taking a long shower.

- There you are.

- Phoebe, let me explain everything.

- I just had the best night of my entire life.

MKTO gave me a private concert.

- You had a what with who now?

- It was amazing.

Here, let me show you some of the photos.

Oops, wrong one.

Sorry, birdturd. [laughing]

- Okay.

- ♪

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