Original subtitles

- ♪

- Mom, guess what?

There is the cutest new boy at school.

- Ooh, yay, tell me everything.

- He's a rocker. - Oooh.

- He writes the most beautiful lyrics...

- Oooh. - And his name is Oyster.

- Okay, you lost me.

- Here, listen to these lyrics he wrote for English class.

It's called "Goodbye Mikaila."

[clears throat]

"I shed tears on your neck

"As we say goodbye.

"Don't know how I'll go on without you,

but I'll try."

- I'm sorry, his name is Oyster?

- It's cute. Get over it.

Wish he'd write a song about me.

If only I knew someone who could introduce me to him.

- Hey, guys, this is Oyster.

- Whaddup?

- Hi!

I mean, yo!

I mean, hey!

- Here, Phoebe, have a brownie.

Uh, what she was trying to say

is welcome to our home, Oyster.

- Thanks, and fair warning...

we're gonna rock it to its foundation.

- Yeah, we started a band with a group of guys

a couple of days ago and our first gig's this weekend.

Yeah, that's right. I'm giggin'!

- Yeah? Well, I gigged back in my day.

I had a band called Barb Jovial.

Show ya a little taste of my moves.

♪ Ba da da da dang ♪

- Dude, if we don't go and rehearse hard,

that's how embarrassing we'll look.

- Nice, uh... Nice meeting you.

- Oh.

- Um, okay, bye! I mean, I'll see ya!

I mean, Aloha, which is hi and goodbye!

Mom!

Where were you with that brownie?

You let me get to Aloha.

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you'd never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- Ah, this is totally unfair!

- I can't have a singing rabbit in my lair.

It was hard enough explaining your wig.

- Wig? Oh, how dare you.

This is my real hair.

- Oh, ho, the band needs fuel.

I'll take those. - Oh!

No, I wanna bring 'em down.

I need an Oyster do-over.

- No way.

I cannot have you interrupting the Max-Eyed Peas.

We're workin' on a band name, okay?

- Look, not that you would even care,

but I think Oyster is cute,

and I kinda wanted to talk to him.

- You and Oyster?

The Oyster that's downstairs?

Oyster in my band?

- How many Oysters do you know?

- Phoebe, Oyster is...is a bad boy.

He's a rocker.

He sweats poetry and shreds like a six-armed mutant.

- So, I sweat. I shred.

- Yo, Max, you got a bottle opener?

Actually, never mind.

- [lid pops]

- [spits out lid]

- See? Bad boy.

Trust me, Phoebe, you guys...

are not a good match.

- Yeah, well, if that's true,

then how come I can do this?

Ah! Arg!

- FYI. What you're doing isn't bad.

It's just embarrassing.

- I can't believe we're gonna be the only kids

in school whose parents aren't coming to Career Day.

- That's because, if they talk about being superheroes,

they might give away that they're superheroes!

- Tonight will be way cool.

My dad's a firefighter

and Chase's mom's a doctor.

What do you parents do, Billy?

- Um, they're retired.

It's a fancy word for "lazy."

- So, they just sit around all day,

where our parents are out saving the world?

- My dad saves things.

- Like what?

A spot on the couch for your mom?

[laughing]

Cool parents swap.

- My dad is way cooler than yours.

He's a superhero. - Billy!

- Wait, are you serious?

- Yeah, he can fly, and he's super strong,

and he has a really tight uniform

that he used to look great in.

- Wow! Did you hear that, guys?

We're gonna meet a real superhero.

- I just had the craziest dream

that I told everybody Dad was a superhero.

- And I just had a crazy dream

where I dragged you out of here by the ear.

- Wake up, Nora, wake up!

- [loud rock music]

[music stops]

- Dudes, we rocked so hard, an angel fell from the sky.

- This is why I joined a band.

- Phoebe, I told you yesterday

not to interrupt my band.

And why are you wearing that?

- To prove you wrong.

[clears throat]

Hey, guys, I didn't mean to crash the party.

Cool guitar. Whatever. I don't care.

- Thanks. She's my heart and soul.

I found her at a yard sale

under a pair of granny panties.

- Oh, I'm caught on your granny panty guitar.

I mean, whatever. I don't care.

- [material rips] - [guitar feedback screeches]

- Ow, my eyes! - [cymbals crashing]

- Whatever. Whatever.

- [mic stands clattering] - [drums thudding]

- Oh! Oh! - She's killin' the music.

- Phoebe, get out!

- I'll get out when I want to.

Point me towards the stairs.

- Looks like someone's trying too hard.

- Cut it, fur-face.

I just made a fool out of myself,

and now Oyster's never gonna write a song about me.

- I'll write a song about you.

♪ Phoebe you're really creepy ♪

♪ Ooh! Phoebe you smell like-- ♪

I was gonna say peaches.

- Hey.

Just lookin' to score some paper towels.

- I'm so sorry for ruining your band practice.

- Are you kidding?

That was the most rock 'n roll thing I've ever seen.

Max never told me his sister was so sweeches.

- Thanks.

I mean, whatever. I don't care.

- [ornaments shattering]

- You...you are some kind of thrash goddess.

- Yeah, that's me.

I love gettin' my trash on.

- [shelf & objects clatter]

- You're blowing my mind!

- Yeah, take that, knickknacks!

- [sniffing] Sloppy Joes.

That's why we chose this school.

- Guys, what's going on?

We've been waiting outside for half an hour.

- Billy, do you wanna tell them

that you signed Dad up for Career Day as a superhero?

- No, thank you.

So, who's up for Sloppy Joes?

- This guy!

- Hank, did you not hear what they just said?

- Joes. Sloppy. Career Day.

[gasps] You told everybody I'm a superhero?

- Billy, you know your Dad can't show up here

as Thunderman.

- I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen.

So, if you're not gonna spank him, I got this.

- I know it was wrong.

But I just wanted to brag about how great you are.

- Well, I am pretty great.

I'll tell you what-- what if I come to Career Day

and pretend to be someone even better than Thunderman?

- A flame-juggling Doctor-Astronaut?

- Pick a school based on Sloppy Joes,

that's what ya get.

- I got this scar from stage-diving

off my Mom's mini-van.

- That's nothin'.

I got this one from a motocross wipeout.

I just looks like a mosquito bite

that got infected after I scratched it too much.

- Sweeches!

You know, I don't think it was an accident

you got tangled up with my guitar, Phoebe.

I think my guitar chose you.

- No, Oyster, I chose you to be in our band--

Maxford and Sons.

Phoebe, stop distracting Oyster from his life-long passion--

the band we created yesterday in gym class.

- Yeah, man, we made an oath and sealed it with sweat

while Gideon tried to do a pull-up.

- Muscles are first sell-outs.

- I can't have a band mate dating my sister.

Are you with us or are you with Phoebe?

- I told you, Max, my guitar's my heart and soul.

- I knew you'd make the right choice.

Let's go rehearse.

- You're not hearin' me, bros.

My guitar chose Phoebe.

And so do I. - What?

- Uh, he said his guitar-- - I heard him.

- Phoebe, putting this band together

is the coolest thing I've done since we moved here.

You can't steal Oyster.

- Well, I guess you shouldn't have said

I wasn't a good match for him.

I want an apology.

- Okay.

I'm sorry...

you look like that.

Phoebe, just go break up with him,

so he can play our gig tomorrow.

- Why? I like him and he likes me.

- No, he likes the bad girl you're pretending to be

which you can't see through all that

eye makeup you never wear.

- I can see fine.

- You're squishing Colosso.

- Yeah, get your jagged elbows off of me!

- We're done here. Oyster and I are going out for pizza.

- Phoebe, you two will not last.

- Oh, we will.

Oyster already thinks I'm sweet cheese.

- It's sweeches! You don't even speak his language.

- [applauding]

- I can't wait to see what job Dad's pretending to have.

He said it's going to be better than a superhero.

- I hope so. Morgan's looking extra judgy tonight.

- So, in other words, you're a bus driver in the sky.

- HANK: [laughing]

Huh? What do ya think?

I'm an alligator wrestler.

Now your class won't care that I'm not a superhero.

- Yeah, 'cause they'll think

you're the less cool version of that guy.

- [growling, snorting]

- Shoulda gone with rodeo clown.

Does anyone around here have a boring job?

- Uh, Mr. Thunderman, you're up.

- Can I have a second to collect my lies?

- What? - Nothing. I'm going.

[laughing] Hi, kids.

I am Hank Thunderman,

and I am an honest-to-goodness, real life...

plumber.

- I shoulda known Billy was lying.

His dad's not a superhero.

- Oh, hey, plumbers are the superheroes of waste management.

We plunge the clogs of evil

and we flush the pipes of injustice!

- Wrap it up, Dad.

- You know what might impress these kids?

If you fix the, uh,

leaky water fountain in the hallway for free.

- Oh, great idea.

Who wants to see me fix the drinking fountain?

- For free!

- You think we're gonna choose you over that?

- [alligator snarling, snapping]

- I sure wouldn't.

- ♪

- Phoebe?

Look at you. - Oh, thank you.

- No, I mean, you look stupid.

[laughing]

- Oh, sorry. My guitar has to sit here.

She always eats with me.

- Okay.

- It's date night.

Ooh, time to get a pic of me and my baby.

- [laughing]

And you were talking about your guitar again.

- [phone camera clicks]

- Yep. It's me and her against the world.

It has been ever since I lost Mikaila.

- Wait, as in "Goodbye Mikaila"?

Those lyrics were so beautiful.

You'll write a song about me one day?

- No.

- Excuse me?

- I only write songs about my guitars.

- Wait, so, Mikaila is a guitar?

- She was, 'til I accidentally

dropped her out of a hot air balloon.

I thought I'd never find love again,

'til I met Patty.

- [thinking] Oh, I see now.

He's crazy.

But he's cute.

Maybe if I squint really hard, I won't see the crazy.

Nope, still crazy.

We really aren't a good match.

I hate it when Max is right.

Oyster, I have something to tell you.

I'm not really sure what--

Max is doing here!

Excuse me for a second, Oyster.

Patty.

[sighs] What are you doing here, Max?

- I'm gonna show Oyster bad Phoebe's a lie,

break you up, and order a mushroom calzone to go!

- Seriously?

- Yeah, I'm super hungry.

And, yeah, you're about to be super single.

- Max, you should have stayed home

because you just woke up bad Phoebe.

- [cutlery clatters] - Ah! Pick those up.

- Yes, Mrs. Wong.

- Oyster, since you like my sister so much,

I spent my birthday money on jumbo pictures

to show you who she really is.

- Dinner and a show. Awe-sedelic.

- This is your bad girl at the petting zoo

with a cute little sheep last week.

- Yeah, right before I shaved my initials

into its fuzzy little butt.

- Here is Phoebe's idea of a good time at the beach.

- Is that a metal detector?

- Yeah, I use it to trip lifeguards.

- And there she is helping an old lady cross the street.

- What's wrong with that?

- Uh...

Look at the sheep one again.

- You look really cute in this picture.

- Aw. Thank you.

- You two make me sick.

- Oh, baby, did he get you? - No, I'm okay.

And you were talking to your guitar again.

- [electric guitar music]

- What are you guys doing?

- Gideon found a new guitar player.

- She shreds like a lady wizard.

- [electric guitar music]

- My mom's not gonna be a member of Bruno Max.

Well, I don't see you two comin' up with names.

- What if I come up with a name?

- No, Mom, we're gonna get Oyster back.

- I don't see why we can't have three guitarists,

especially a pretty one that smells nice.

- Gideon, not cool.

- But what if you don't get Oyster back?

Then can I be in your band?

- If my new plan to get Oyster back fails,

and if every guitarist in the world

breaks both their hands, yes, you can be in the band.

- Yes!!

- [electric guitar music]

- So, this plan to get Oyster back,

it's a good one, right?

- We'll have to find out.

Hey, there they are-- Hiddenville's cutest couple.

Hey, I'm really sorry that I interrupted your date.

- He's being nice.

We should leave before something heavy hits us.

- No, Phoebe, I'm being sincere, okay?

I even got you a gift to show Oyster

you really are the ultimate rocker girl.

Chainsaw!

He's gonna give you guys matching Mohawks.

- That's the most romantic idea I've ever heard.

- Yeah, Max.

[through gritted teeth] How can I thank you?

- By going first.

- The elbow pipe is connected to...

the squiggly pipe which means

if I loosen this cappy thing...

- [water spurts] - Ah!

That happens.

Oh, hey, buddy, I'm almost done here.

- You can stop now, Dad.

- I know you're disappointed, son.

I am, too. I...

I really wanted to impress your classmates.

- Don't worry about them.

They're busy watching an alligator chew on a clown.

- Really?

You're not upset they don't think I'm a hero?

- No. You're my hero just for showing up today.

- Thanks, Billy.

Hey, since it's just the two of us,

how about you watch your old man

fix these pipes Thunderman style?

- [laughs] Cool.

- [metal clanking]

- Ah.

Ha! Ha!

Never doubt the skills of a man

too cheap to pay for a real plumber.

[kisses]

- [pipes rumbling, whining]

- Oh, no, Dad's fixing things.

- [water splattering]

- Uh-oh, Morgan, you should--

- I should what, Nora?

- I was gonna say

you should just sit tight and enjoy the show.

- Already on it, Snora.

- [metal creaking]

- [pipes burst] - [screaming]

- KIDS: [screaming] - [alarm bell ringing]

- You're flooding the entire building!

- Your dad did this?

- Uh-huh, and thanks to him,

we'll have to cancel school at least a week.

[groans]

- Wait. No school for a week?

Your dad really is a superhero.

- I told you.

Thanks, Dad.

- Wait, did you flood the school on purpose for Billy?

- Of course, I did.

You're not buying it, are ya?

- Not even a little.

- Phoebe, don't be nervous.

Patty and I are right here by your side.

- How comforting.

- Come on, Phoebe. Chainsaw's time is precious.

He needs to get back to prison.

- I give free haircuts to the inmates.

I'm a sweetheart like that.

- Max, how do you know this dude?

- I don't. Thank you, Internet.

There you go, Chainsaw. Let 'er rip.

- [razor buzzing]

- ♪ My baby is an Indy Rock girl ♪

♪ Oh Oh Oh Oh ♪

♪ 'Cause she likes to rock ♪

♪ The Indy Rock world ♪

- [laughing]

- ♪ Oh Oh Oh Oh ♪

♪ She's so nice ♪

♪ She's so nice ♪

♪ She's so nice ♪

♪ She loves me ♪

- Ahhhhhhhhhh!!

- [glass shatters]

- Ahhhhhhhhhh!!

I can't do it. I love my hair.

It's so rich and full and soft.

- Phoebe, come on.

You're the baddest girl I know.

You got this.

- No, Oyster, I got nothing, 'cause...

I'm not a bad girl.

- What are you talking about?

- Mmm, I'm a good girl.

I love sheep and I think metal detectors are cool.

I found this earring at the beach.

I'm sorry, but we're just not really a good match.

- [exaggerated gasp]

I did not see that coming.

I wait--I did.

- But my guitar chose you.

She never steers me wrong.

- Well, it looks like she's changed her mind.

- Oh, this is weird.

- Wow, Max, she really likes you.

Is anyone else getting uncomfortable or...

- I know I am.

- Okay, I guess Patty has spoken.

Max, will you take me back in the band?

Whatever it's called.

- If you don't come back,

my mom's gonna be our lead guitarist.

- So, go ahead and take the weekend to think about it.

- Gideon, not cool!

- And don't worry, Phoebe, we're still sweeches.

- Yeah, that's nice.

But I think Chainsaw's stealing our microwave.

- MAX: It's tough coming up with a name

that truly captures this band,

but I think we did it.

From this point, we will forever be known

as Max's--Mom!

- Hi, honey. Sorry I'm late.

- Mom, what are you doing here?

- Well, Gideon called and said that

you wanted me in the band.

- Gideon, not cool.

- Looking good, Barb. - Aw...

- Gideon, not cool.

- This is the first song I've written

that's not about a guitar.

It's about a special little lady

who satisfied a hunger in my soul.

- Aw...

- Where are you, Mrs. Wong?

- I right here.

- She gets a song?!

I mean, whatever. I don't care.

- [rock music]

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