Original subtitles

- ♪ Baby, you're so great ♪

♪ You make me smile ♪

♪ And it's something I cannot hide ♪

- I can't believe I have to follow her.

- ♪ And I can feel it ♪

♪ For the first time in my life ♪

[applause]

- [sighs]

I clap loud when I'm nervous.

- Don't worry. This is just practice.

Actual solo auditions aren't until Friday.

- I don't know, cherry; she's a senior,

and she comes from a long line of professional choir singers.

- And you...

Stood in a long line this morning for a muffin.

So there's that.

- Phoebe Thunderman, you're up.

- [sighs]

[sighs]

♪ We're so close now ♪

♪ It's easy to see ♪

♪ Just take my hand and follow me ♪

♪ Together we will be, oh-- ♪

[hacking cough]

A spitball?

- Not bad, Phoebe.

But you need to work on your...

Not choking.

[school bell rings]

- Look at this!

Who would shoot a spitball at me?

- I would.

- Veronica? Why?

We're...sisters in song.

- I own the solo spot, newb,

and I'll stop at nothing to keep it.

Choke on...

♪ That ♪

- She does have a nice voice.

- And nice aim.

- Guys, did you hear about the girl

who got pelted with spitballs?

Oh.

[laughs]

Guess you did.

- ♪ What you see is not what you get ♪

♪ Living our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in, bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'cause we're living our lives just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture-perfect family is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see the crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make-believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal instead of trouble ♪

♪ Living a double life ♪

- As I'm in the middle of my solo,

a spitball flies into my mouth

and hits the little punching bag in the back of my throat.

- What is that little thing?

It's so...wiggly.

- Mm, and so hangy.

- And so not the point of my story.

- This Veronica girl is just trying to psych you out

before your solo audition.

Don't let her get to you.

- Yeah, get to her first.

May I suggest a tiger attack?

- Max...

- Rhino attack? I know a guy.

- No. No animals, Max.

Phoebe, what you need to do is let it roll off your back.

Always works for me.

What, Hank?

You don't think I let things roll off my back?

- I didn't say that.

But I did spit it.

Thank you. - It's for me.

[alarm bleeping]

- Alert, alert.

Annoying neighbor approaching.

PHOEBE, MAX, AND BARB: Darcy!

- Come on, guys.

She's just a harmless kid

who snoops around the house,

which could expose us.

Yeah, let's get rid of her.

- You know, Mom's right.

I'm gonna let this thing roll off my back

and be nice to Veronica.

- Big mistake.

"Sorry, @wolfgang.

"No go on the rhino.

Please credit my account."

- Is she ever gonna ring the doorbell?

Oh. Hello, Darcy.

What brings you by?

- Just returning your magazines.

- We didn't lend you any magazines.

- I know. I steal them from your mailbox.

So what you weirdoes doing?

- Oh, you know,

just showing you out.

[laughs]

- Right.

You're obviously on your way to get your hair done.

- I...just got my hair done.

- Oh, so you're going to get your money back?

See ya.

- What--

My hair is fine!

Why would she say that?

- Because she's Darcy.

But this'll just roll off your back.

Right, Barb?

- Of course.

Do I look angry?

- This tea party is delightful.

- Okay, I'm done.

Get me out of this costume.

- But you like playing dress-up.

- Do I?

Let's review.

I hate this. [harpsichord music]

I hate this. [polka music]

[in high-pitched voice] I hate this.

[classical music]

[children laughing]

[children sigh happily]

- Well, if you're gonna stick me in a dress,

can I at least have some carrots?

- Fine.

We'll get you some carrots, you big baby.

- Oh, that's a good idea!

We should dress him up as a baby.

- Hey, Colosso, what size diaper are you?

Where did Dr. Colosso go?

Billy, check the front yard.

- He's not there.

- Check the park.

- He's not there.

- Check the international carrot museum.

- He's not there.

But carrots are way more interesting than I thought.

- Uh-oh.

Dr. Colosso is gone!

- [sighs] hey, Veronica.

Look, I know the pressure of the solo spot

is getting to us, so I bought you a smoothie.

Hey, cherry. Did you see what I did there?

I just let yesterday's spitball roll off my back.

V is now a fan of the Phoebs.

- [gasps]

- V did that, didn't she?

- You and I are enemies,

and 16 ounces of butt-kiss isn't going to change that.

This solo spot is...

♪ Miiiiiiiine ♪

- Okay, I get it!

- Technically, your plan worked.

I mean, it is rolling off your back.

I'll get you a towel.

- I see Mom's advice is working out well for you.

Ready to try revenge?

- I'm in. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hear me out.

For centuries, revenge was--

Wait, you're in?

- Totally. I can't let her get in my head before the audition.

- Perfect, 'cause I did some research,

and it turns out if Veronica fails her next math assignment,

she'll get kicked out of choir.

- Do you have a plan?

- I have several

but only one that keeps us out of jail.

I'm gonna replace her tutor with a new tutor:

Max Thunderman.

- Then you sabotage her homework, and she fails.

So devious...

Yet so exciting.

- Welcome to the dark side.

Here's our handbook, a keychain,

and a T-shirt.

- Cute!

- The dark side's not cute, Phoebe.

- Don't worry, fake Colosso.

This is just until we find the real Colosso.

Or forever if we get bored looking for him.

- What are you kids doing down here?

- Uh...

Feeding Dr. Colosso.

- What are you doing down here?

- I--I'm putting away Max's laundry.

- Where is it?

- It was, uh--

I'm just gonna--

Just--just go upstairs.

Hey, Colosso.

I'm just gonna borrow some of Max's chemicals

to fix what I did to my hair.

I was trying something new, and, well--

Hey, you're brutally honest.

Uh...

What do you think of this color?

Say something.

You can't even look at me!

It's hideous!

- There's Veronica's math tutor.

Help me throw this anvil on him.

- It's just Evan. I can handle him.

- Oh! [anvil thuds]

- Hey, Evan.

Aren't you in charge of the iguana

in the science lab?

- Yeah, why?

- I heard her eggs are hatching.

- Eleanor!

Daddy's coming!

- Okay, now go turn Veronica into moronica.

[laughs]

Got it. No puns on the dark side.

- Hey, Veronica.

Evan is sick, and I'm your new tutor.

- Whoever can help me with my math homework

is fine by me.

- Great. But a word of warning.

I have some unusual tutoring methods.

We won't be needing this math book.

- That was my English book.

- We won't need that either.

- All right, Billy.

We've checked every house on the block.

[doorbell rings] Maybe Darcy's seen Colosso.

- She does seem to be everywhere.

- What are you guys doing on my porch?

- Hey, we were wondering, have you seen--

- Nope, haven't seen anything.

- Did you notice all those carrots?

Do you know what that means?

- That she just got back from

the international carrot museum.

I'm so jealous.

- No, Billy, it means She has Dr. Colosso!

- We already had math today, Phoebe.

Why are we waiting outside the class?

- Because when Veronica gets an "F" on her homework,

I get to watch her get kicked out of the choir.

[school bell rings]

- Hey, girls.

Guess who gets to stay in choir

'cause they got an "A"?

[both squealing happily]

- An "A"?

- And guess who did my homework?

My new boyfriend.

- New boyfriend?

- Forgot your backpack in the library, babe.

- "Babe"?

- Thanks, Max.

Sweetest boyfriend...

♪ Ever ♪

- Good news, Colosso.

Got a new girlfriend.

And ready to take a big step:

putting on deodorant.

[chuckles]

Because suddenly what I smell like matters.

Oh, I get it.

The silent treatment?

This must be because I violated

the "bunnies before honeys" code.

- [sighs] Max?

- Ow!

Freeze kick? What's next, a super wedgie?

[whooshing noise]

[in high-pitched voice] Ooh! Ooh!

Let go!

- You got Veronica an "A" on her homework.

You were supposed to help me get revenge,

not become her boyfriend.

- Phoebe, I know you're mad...

- Continue.

- That's it. I just know you're mad.

- [sighs]

how could you betray your own sister?

We were on the same side.

Promises were made.

T-shirts were printed.

- Yeah, but that's the thing about the dark side, Phoebe.

You don't know who to really trust.

You would know that if you read the handbook.

- You know what?

I don't need your help or your dark side.

I can get that solo spot on my own

with the power of my...

♪ Voice ♪

Huh. That is fun.

- When are we going to Darcy's To get Dr. Colosso?

- I wrote the plan on your hand.

- "Eat dessert. Wait till dark.

Steel Colosso's butt."

- "Back."

"Steal Colosso back."

- Sorry, barbecue sauce.

Now what do we do?

- Just follow my lead.

Mom? Dad? I'll be in my room.

- Okay, sweetie.

Billy, where you gonna be?

- I got nothin'!

- He'll be in his room.

- So, Barb...

I notice you got a new hat.

That doesn't have anything to do

with the comment Darcy made, does it?

[dish clatters] - Did Darcy make a comment?

- No, no, no co-- No comment.

It's a lovely hat.

- I knew there was something strange

about those Thundermans.

I thought they were aliens.

But having a talking bunny is way better.

Now, just talk for me,

and I'll give you these delicious carrots.

Talk, you fat rat!

- I can't watch this torture, Nora.

I just can't.

[doorbell rings]

- I'll get it.

Must be the bunny shaver I ordered.

It's gonna be a coooold winter.

- Dr. Colosso, we're here to save you.

- Hands off the merchandise, toots.

- But don't you want to go home?

Isn't this whole clown thing a little weird?

- No more weird than the lame costumes you put me in.

- We're back to that?

- We never left it.

- Fine. You can dress yourself from now on.

- I want to be a lifeguard and a firefighter

and three costumes to be named later.

- Deal. Now let's get you out of this freak show.

- I'm coming back, rabbit.

- Uh-oh. Hide!

- Nobody was at the door.

Isn't that weird?

Well?

Say something!

Fine.

I'm going to stare at you until you talk,

even if takes all night.

- ♪ My bro Max stabbed me in the back ♪

♪ Back the in me stabbed Max bro my ♪

Off to do your "girlfriend's" homework?

Can't you see she's using you?

- Phoebe, when you're in a committed relationship,

it is very common for the boy to do the girl's homework.

- Did Veronica tell you that?

- Yes.

[alarm bleeping]

- Alert, alert.

Jealous nerd approaching.

- Jealous nerd? Who's that?

[doorbell rings]

Evan? You're the jealous nerd?

I mean, how's your iguana?

- I'm not here about lizards.

I'm here to fight Max for Veronica's heart.

- Her heart?

I thought you were her math tutor.

- I am, but I'm also her boyfriend.

Well, at least on Wednesdays, I am.

- Wednesdays?

- That's when I do her homework.

On the other days, she has different tutor boyfriends.

- Tell me more About these "tutor boyfriends."

- My staring isn't getting you to talk.

Well, what about the evil glares of my clown posse?

- Ah! Creepy clown!

- Ah! Creepy Thunderman!

- Hey, I'm not creepy.

I'm quirky.

Now give me back my rabbit.

- How can that be your rabbit if he's in my room?

- He's mine.

It's not like I have another rabbit in my house

that looks exactly like this one.

Get the bunny!

- [softly] oh.

- I already have the bunny.

- Thank you.

- For what?

- For...

Understanding that I made a mistake.

That's not my bunny.

Sorry for the mix-up.

And for this.

- Ah!

- Hey, you guys here because Veronica texted you?

- Yup. What do you think she wants?

- Who cares?

I get to talk to her, and it's not even Monday.

Tutor bump.

- Hey, did you say, uh, you were meeting Veronica?

- Who are you?

- He's Veronica's new Wednesday.

- What are you talking about? I'm her new boyfriend.

- Yeah, on Wednesdays.

- You're looking at

her Monday, Tuesday, and Friday tutor boyfriends.

Thursday is pinkeye.

- Hold on.

Are you all dating Veronica and tutoring her?

- We're just like you, buddy.

- [laughs] no.

Veronica and I have something special.

She said I put...

ALL: the "stud" in "study."

- So--so she's using all of us.

Doesn't that bother you guys?

[laughter]

- We're freshmen.

Who's using who?

- It's "who's using whom," Tom.

I'm her English tutor.

- Welcome to the club, Wednesday.

- Hey, Max.

- Why do I get the feeling you just tutored me?

- It was the only way

I could get you to believe how horrible she is.

- So you were willing to help me even after I betrayed you.

- Of course. You're my brother.

- Thanks. That's...really nice.

[phone plays Beethoven's 5th]

Hey, isn't your audition right now?

- Aw, you put my audition in your phone?

- Actually, this is a reminder

to wish Veronica good luck beating you.

Wait. You're missing your audition to help me?

- Yeah, this was more important.

- Phoebe, enough with being nice.

You have to get in there

and beat the girl who broke my...

♪ Heaaaart ♪

- Snap out of it, Wednesday.

[applause]

- That concludes our auditions, everyone.

I've decided our solo spot goes to--

- Wait!

I'm here to audition.

- Uh, sorry, Phoebe.

Auditions ended at 4:00.

- But the clock says it's 3:58.

- What?

How did that happen?

- Fine.

You've got two minutes to dazzle me,

and then I'll make my decision.

[upbeat piano music]

- ♪ Just put a smile on your face ♪

♪ And make the world a better place ♪

♪ 'cause there is beauty that surrounds you ♪

- She's good.

Time for her to choke.

- ♪ Lend a hand, help out someone's day ♪

♪ Be the kind of friend... ♪

- Not on Wednesday's watch.

- ♪ I'll be standing right beside you ♪

♪ And this is the kind of world I dream of ♪

♪ The kind of world I dream of ♪

♪ The kind of world I dream of every night ♪

♪ And this is the kind of world I hope for ♪

- Let's see if she can handle

Evan's "don't say good-bye" chocolate creme pie.

- ♪ The kind of world where everything's all right ♪

♪ Da, da, da-da-da, da da da ♪

♪ Da, da da da, da ♪

♪ Da, da-da-da da da da ♪

♪ Da, da-da-da ♪

♪ This is the kind of world I hope for ♪

♪ The kind of world I want more ♪

♪ The kind of world where everything's all right ♪

[applause]

- After hearing all the candidates sing,

I've decided to award the solo spot to...

Phoebe Thunderman!

[applause]

- You have got to be kidding me.

This is so not...

♪ Coooooool ♪

[choking]

- Nice shot. - Thanks.

Aimed for the hangy thing.

- Really, Barb?

A top hat?

- Excuse me for trying to class up this house.

- Enough is enough.

You need to take your own advice

and let that stuff Darcy said about your hair

roll off your back.

You're beautiful no matter what your hair looks like.

- Aw, Hank, you're sweet.

Maybe I am being silly.

- Mm.

- I know. It's awful.

I--I tried to use chemicals to fix it,

and, well, this happened.

- No, no, no, no, it-- It's actually not that bad.

Um, I kind of like it.

It's fresh. It's brave.

Everyone is gonna love it.

- [screams] - Whoa!

- [yells] - [yells]

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