Original subtitles

- Hey, guys, whatcha doin'?

- Working on our project for the school science fair.

- Oh, my gosh!

I love science fairs.

They've got all the fun of homework

mixed with the thrill of academic competition.

That sounded a lot cooler in my head.

- I'm making a potato clock.

Check it out.

- All you did was turn it into French fries.

- I know, I can't work on an empty stomach.

- So, Billy, what's your project?

- I'm making...These!

- Mop socks?

So you're gonna clean the floor

with your feet?

- Hey, that works too!

- Let's try it out.

- Wow, that's way better than hairy foot puppets.

- Not bad, guys.

Just don't say "science fair" around Max.

It stirs up bad memories.

- Just from saying science f--

- shh! yes.

- Why? What'll happen?

- Trust me, he'll totally freak.

- Well, now we have to do it.

- Yep. - No.

BOTH: Science fair!

- Who said science fair-- [screams]

[wood splinters]

BOTH: Worth it!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Living our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in, bet you'd never guess ♪

♪ 'cause we're living our lives just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture-perfect family is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make-believe, it's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Living a double life ♪

- Sorry we said "science fair," Max.

- Phoebe told us to do it.

- I did not.

The last thing I wanted was for Max to hear those words.

Now we have to listen to his bitter, long-winded st--

- it was five years ago.

Back in metroburg, I was an idealistic fourth-grader

dreaming of science fair glory.

I built a device that can make anything ten times bigger.

The other projects didn't stand a chance.

Especially Phoebe's.

- Your project doesn't stand a chance.

- My mouse light rocks.

- But when I turned on the grow-matic...

I was humiliated.

I saw my science fair dreams crash to the ground.

- And who ended up winning?

- Some undeserving nobody.

- I won.

- That's what I said.

What I didn't appreciate

was how you rubbed your medal in my face.

- You like that?

This is what first place feels like.

Mouse light!

[cheers and applause]

- You're exaggerating.

What I did was this.

Uh-huh, uh-uh-uh-huh. Uh--

- okay, I get it, I get it, I get it.

If there were any justice, I'd be doing that dance.

Well, not that dance.

That was stupid.

- You still wear your medal?

- Always.

You get used to the rash.

Right, Max?

Oh, wait, you don't have a rash.

- You'll see.

I'll have my day in the sun.

Nora, on a completely unrelated note,

how would you like some help with your project?

- Um, we're not supposed to have help.

- I'll just be making some suggestions.

Like mind your own business.

- Well, as long as you don't do all the work,

I guess it would be okay.

- Hey, if she gets help, I want help too.

- Don't worry, Billy.

I'll help you.

And, unlike some people, I'm doing it because I care.

Not because I'm trying to work through some childhood issues.

- Please, this has nothing to do with my childhood.

Come on, mini Max, we got work to do.

I feel a rash comin' on.

- Oh, this is why I retired.

I get to watch six uninterrupted hours

of thunder man's greatest bad guy takedowns.

- Hank, I was thinking.

- Well, that's over.

- If our goal was

to move to the suburbs to live a normal life,

we need to a better job of fitting in.

- I'm fitting perfectly into this couch.

- Yes, and we're all very proud of your butt dent.

But don't you think we could do a better job

of interacting with our neighbors?

- What did you do, Barb?

- I signed us up to host a book club.

- Oh, man, I don't wanna be a in a book club!

- Come on.

Trust me. This week's book

is the countess of winterberry gables.

This is a story of-- - [snores]

- Oh, come on!

- All right, I'll make you a deal,

you do this book club with me,

I'll make you anything you want for dinner.

- I want the meaturduckballizza.

- You just made that up.

- There's nothing made up about meatloaf wrapped in turkey

wrapped in duck wrapped in meatballs wrapped in pizza.

It's meat illustrated's-- food of the year.

They say it's like biting into a meat rainbow.

- [sighs] Fine.

Here's your book.

I'll make you this-- - say it!

- Meaturduckballizza.

- Meaturduckballizza!

[cackles]

- Check it out!

Since mop socks are "too dangerous,"

I took one of them and put it on the end of a long pole.

- So you made a mop?

- I'm not following.

- Hey, what were your other ideas?

- I have got a ton.

Mop hat, mop soup bowl, mop watch, mop--

- all great ideas, but why don't we do something classic

and less mop-y?

- Ham phone?

- How about a model volcano?

- All right, but the ham phone was already built.

[phone rings]

Ham phone. This is Billy.

- Okay, let's do this.

Hmm.

"as the sun rose over winterberry gables

on that autumnal morn--"

and we're done here.

Sorry, Barb.

Ow!

- Oh, I just finished reading the book.

So romantic.

Did you cry?

- Well, let's just say it hit me pretty hard.

- You haven't read it yet, have you?

- Oh, of course I have.

It's just I got so many thoughts about it.

How am I gonna remember them all at book club?

- Oh, it's no big deal.

You just scribble all your notes

in the margins like I did.

See? Easy.

- Oh.

Well, you sure do have a lot of notes.

And now so do I.

- Here it is, Nora.

The triumphant return

of the greatest science fair project ever.

The grow-matic 2.0.

- Hmm, it needs a bow.

- No bows.

Hey, here's a thought.

If you want to help,

why don't you go make me a sandwich?

- And don't be stingy with the lettuce, doll face.

- Hey, Nora. - Hey, sis.

- Hey, Max, DOD you have any--

what is that?

I thought you guys were making a potato clock.

- No, this is the grow-matic 2.0.

- So it's gonna melt things twice as fast?

- No, it's gonna win me the science fair

I should have won five years ago.

That's right. I got issues!

- Face it, Max.

Even if your machine hadn't broken,

I still would have won.

Mouse light!

- Well, Phoebe, that was then and this is now.

- Stay cool, colosso.

It's just a giant carrot.

There's no reason to--let me at it!

- Wow, that's--that's actually pretty impressive.

- Of course.

What did you think I was gonna do?

Make some lame model volcano?

- [nervous laugh] "model volcano?"

that's the stupidest--coming, Billy!

- Still a few kinks to work out.

- Hey, I'm not picky.

Just sop it up and squeegee it in my mouth.

- Volcano's out, Billy.

- I got lava from Hawaii for nothing?

Why do I have a ham phone if you're not gonna use it?

- We're gonna need to think bigger.

- Bigger or mop-ier.

- You know what?

Why don't I get started on this

and you can go get us some supplies.

- Okay. What kind of supplies?

- Yeah, that sounds perfect.

- Lisa, I just wanna say we are so excited

to be part of your book club.

- Oh. - Isn't that right, Hank?

- Absolutely.

Although I'm noticing nobody brought any foods

that are wrapped in more than one other food.

- Let's, um, put a pin in that

and talk about the book.

Hank, why don't you start us off?

- Excuse me?

- Well, since Hank and I are new,

maybe someone else wants to go first.

- Oh, don't be silly.

No one's gonna judge you.

Go ahead, Hank.

- All right.

Just let me get my notes.

I believe the countess's troubles were all in her head.

- Interesting.

Go on.

- Oh. Sure.

I think that because she was insecure within the kingdom,

she could never fully commit to the count

vis-a-vis their courtship.

- Wow, that is-- - unbelievable?

- Yes. - Mm-hmm.

- And so insightful.

- Well, I mean, what can I tell you?

I've always fancied myself a member of the literati.

- Barb, you've got yourself a real keeper here.

I can see how he stole your heart.

- That's not all he stole.

- Who wants to hear me say other things?

- A-ha! There's the toaster.

Hand it over.

Billy needs the parts for his project.

- I do?

- Sorry, Nora needs the parts for her project.

- I do?

- Fine. I'll just take it then.

- It's mine.

- I need the parts!

- No, Phoebe, let go. - No, you let go.

- No, seriously.

- I need it a lot more than you do.

[overlapping arguing]

- You're so annoying!

- I want that one! - No, gimme that one!

- I saw it first! - Phoebe, this is mine.

No, seriously. [overlapping arguing]

- guys!

Why are you fighting?

- Yeah, this is our science fair, not yours.

BOTH: Stay out of this!

[overlapping arguing]

- How's your project coming?

- Max took it over. You?

- Phoebe and I are having a great time.

- Billy, how's it coming with that sandwich? Over.

- Yeah, I'm living a lie.

- Ew, you're licking her baloney just to get back at her?

- No, I always do this.

- Hmm.

I think I know a way we can teach them a lesson.

[whispers]

- Hey, honey, I can't find the upstairs remote.

- Well, maybe it was stolen by someone

who claimed it was theirs and everyone fawned all over

how great and original their remote was.

- That doesn't sound super likely.

- Hank, you cheated at book club.

You copied my notes and then you passed them off as your own.

- Honey, that's crazy.

People have similar thoughts all the time,

especially people who are happily married and in love.

- Mm-hmm.

- You know, your problem

is you're just like that countess in that book.

You never trust people.

- That's not even what happened!

- I know a certain book club that would disagree with you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where do you think you're going with that?

- Uh, I was just--

- I've been looking for this remote all night.

- Good night.

- You know, this book club is a good idea.

I'm actually looking forward to discussing this new book

at the next meeting.

- So am I.

Let's see how you do with these notes.

- Don't touch that.

I'm sorry.

It's your project, you can touch it.

Just not there.

- Mop gloves?

You're living the dream, kid.

- What's that? A fan?

- No, it's a super efficient, bi-directional wind turbine

that can generate enough energy to power the entire school

for a whole year.

- So it's a big fan.

Sorry, sis, but this is grow-matic's time to shine.

- The only thing that's gonna shine is the floor

after I mop it with you.

Not now, Billy.

- You ready to stick it to Phoebe and Max?

- Operation sibling sabotage is a go.

- Are we really gonna call it that?

- Can't something be mine today?

- If it's okay with our hostess, let's get started.

So, um, where's Hank?

- Good question.

Hank?

- Did someone say my name?

- Oh, this should be fun.

- I trust you all had an enlightening week.

I, myself, watched a documentary

on the history of documentaries.

- So kind of you to join us, Professor.

What's--what's goin' on with all that?

- It's an academic beard, Barbara.

All the most smartest men have them.

- Hank, would you do the honors

of starting out our discussion?

- Yes, Hank, what did you think?

- Well, as I was reading-- which I do--

I thought it was interesting when the Duchess gave birth

to the qu'orlox leader's cyborg baby.

- Cyborg baby?

- Oh, and don't get me started on the part

where count Murray had that mind scorpion

implanted in his brain.

Wow.

- And then the Duchess was all,

"I brought you into this world. I can take you out."

and the cyborg baby pulls out an omega laser

and is all, "I'd wike to see you twy."

- please, no more.

- Did you even read this book?

Because there is no cyborg baby in here.

- No baby? Um...

Barb, you must remember the cyborg baby part.

- I have no idea what he's talking about.

I mean, Professor over here, right, guys.

- But these are your notes.

I just copied 'em. - [gasps]

- she promised me a meat dinner.

- You cheated.

You're not a scholar at all.

- You are an embarrassment to elbow patches.

[cloth tears] - [yelps]

- Let's continue this at my house.

Barb, are you coming?

- Wouldn't miss it.

- Wait.

You can't kick me out of book club.

I have a beard!

- So, Mr. Thunderman, what do you have for us?

- This is Mr. Windy, my fan.

- You mean your high-efficiency, bi-directional

power-generating wind turbine, right?

- Sorry. My big fan.

- And what does it do? - I don't know.

- I think what Billy means by "I don't know,"

is that Mr. windy generates power

by harnessing the energy of room air currents

and amplifying them.

I'm guessing.

Why don't you give them a demonstration?

- The button's are stuck.

And I'm afraid if I push them too hard it'll break.

- I'm just gonna give him a hand.

Wait, that's not right.

That's spinning the wrong way.

It won't stop. Why won't it stop?

- [laughs]

- Tah-dah!

- Big sister reliving her glory days?

- Yup.

- Then I'm afraid you're disqualified.

Both of you.

- Wh--you can't disqualify me.

I'm a champion.

I've got a medal.

- Well, on behalf of scientists everywhere, give me that.

- [whimpers]

- Tough luck, sis.

Good people of science, you have suffered through enough duds.

Heh! You deserve to see true greatness.

- Ladies and gentlemen, may I present--

- I'll take it from here, Nora.

Behold, the grow-matic 2.0!

Did I expand the tomato, or did I expand your mind?

- Why, an invention like this could end world hunger.

Congratulations, Nora thunderman.

You are this year's science fair winner.

- Thank you so much.

I'm--i'm just gonna--gonna hold this for her.

[giggles] You're home now, buddy.

You're home.

- Uh, shouldn't you turn that off?

- You got it, hottie.

Uh-- [nervous laugh]

No problem here.

Just a little minor malfunction.

[both laugh]

- What did you guys do?

- Just taught you both a lesson.

- Yeah, don't mess with tomatoes.

- No.

Don't take over your siblings' projects.

- Oh, hey, that works too.

- Uh, in light of this debacle, gimme that.

- [yelps]

- Uh, well, I mean, technically it did what I wanted

and nothing melted.

- Uh, Max?

- Come on!

- So how was the science fair?

- I'd rather not talk about it.

- How was book club?

- Also would rather not talk about it.

- But your father learned a valuable lesson

about doing things for himself.

- That's right, which is why I cooked dinner.

I give you the meaturduckballizza!

- I say we order pizza.

- Pizza's in this!

Don't listen to them.

You're beautiful.

- You need some time alone?

- If you don't mind.

[all agree]

You've got a one-way ticket to tummy town.

Oh, heck, who am I kiddin'?

[excited laughter]

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