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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
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We're on dual commentary.
Yeah, like the tennis.
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00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:10,079
Yeah, sadly without Boris Becker.
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00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:13,479
I'm surprised Sue Barker
doesn't sink her teeth into his thighs, aren't you?
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00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,919
OK, team, we need to get it out there
that the police arrest backlog
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00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:19,240
is not a DoSAC FUBAR, OK?
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00:00:19,241 --> 00:00:22,239
The Home Office cut paperwork,
there are more bobbies on the beat.
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00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:24,719
No-one to process them
at the stations.
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00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:28,039
I doubt there are any
major criminals on the loose, this is about paperwork,
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00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,439
it's not Con Air!
I mean, I wish it was!
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00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:32,320
That to Peter.
Oh, good morning, Minister!
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00:00:32,321 --> 00:00:34,399
How did it go with the DPM?
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Oh, so that good. I've got to go.
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00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:40,159
Anyone read Wolf Hall?
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00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:43,519
I'm just shuttling messages
between them.
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00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:47,319
I'm like a blue-bottomed fly,
frankly. Ah! From Fergus.
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00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,079
It's the one set on a plane.
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00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:50,999
No, that's Snakes on a Plane.
19
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,999
This one is Nicolas Cage on a plane.
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Heaven's sake!
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00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,319
Look, Phil,
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00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,559
every petty criminal in the country
is in a holding pattern because...
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00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,239
that barrel of cocks
at the Home Office can't process
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00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,479
their arrests quick enough,
so why am I the one
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00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,799
who has to gimp himself out all day
to Martha Kearney and Eddie Mair?
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00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,719
Since the inquiry DoSAC looks toxic
and weak. They're trying to pile
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00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,120
all the Government's ills on us.
Whose fault's that?
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I said I'm sorry about the inquiry,
OK?
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I started writing you a letter
but it seemed pretentious. If it's consolation,
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I haven't felt that humiliated
since my trunks fell down at a swimming gala.
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It's of no consolation to think
of you naked in front of 500 boys.
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00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:32,159
Yeah, absolutely, Trevor.
OK, yeah, drinks soon.
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Yeah, you too. OK, bye.
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Oh, God!
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I just felt my ovaries cringe!
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I'm trying to flirt our way
out of this police backlog.
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00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,879
Peter, quick reminder,
Think Socially,
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00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,319
the social enterprise scheme, we're
launching it tomorrow. Sod that!
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00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:48,800
I need to keep a low profile,
give it to Fergus and Adam.
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00:01:48,801 --> 00:01:51,439
Sorry, Han,
can I just put you on pause there?
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I'm in the minister's office.
Oh, great! Oh, no, the proper one!
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00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:57,039
I'm just pausing you there.
Mary Drake.
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From the Home Office, she's going
to come over, fancies a chat.
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00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,239
But I told old Iron Blouse
that I'd talk to her presently!
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What part of that sentence
doesn't she understand? Just thought you'd like to know.
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00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,559
Don't want to be accused
of being a barricade or anything!
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Blockage.
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00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,079
Look, things were said
at that inquiry, Terri...
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They certainly were.
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Well, can you just be a fucking
professional and get Fergus in here?
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I am an F-wording professional.
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00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,439
Wait, wait, Terri,
can you give this to Fergus,
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00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,120
and tell him he's going to front
Think Socially tomorrow?
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00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:31,519
Ah. Yeah, OK, err, um, Peter,
may I just... No, you may not.
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I thought we weren't talking
to the Proclaimers.
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We have to play happy families
for Mary, pretend I don't want
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to strangle Fergus's bollocks
so they look like glace cherries.
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Sorry. Can I?
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Christ, you just can't flush her.
Can I borrow her?
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00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,078
Yeah, but there's a fine
if you don't bring her back.
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It should be a fine
if you DO bring her back.
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Ever since this inquiry,
Mannion and Fergus,
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their communication
has totally broken down. Yes.
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Which is why we have
the double stamp system. Yeah...
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No decisions without
a dual approval, what?
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00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,679
Occasionally, just because of a,
well...
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00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,799
a time-sensitive decision,
I have got a stamp from Peter,
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00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,479
but unfortunately been unable
to locate Fergus.
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00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:10,959
OK, let's fast-forward to the bit
where I don't want to eat my own lips off.
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In order to prevent
a Fergal paper jam,
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I have stamped certain decisions
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based on what I imagined
he might think.
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So, you have approved a policy
that Fergus is going to launch,
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that Fergus knows nothing about?
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Sort of. Sort of,
or sort of exactly?
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Sort of exactly.
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You're telling me that you have been
running parts of this country?
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What the fuck are you trying to do,
prove the Mayans right?
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Ha-ha! "Dear Jim, please could you
fix it for me for two departments
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00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,959
"to fuck up on the same day?"
"Yes, I can!"
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00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,999
So, this government arrest backlog
is a really lovely gift token...
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00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,479
Mmm. The question is,
what does Daddy buy with it?
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Err, you, the daddy man, err,
you could...
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how about you point up
the split between the HO and DoSAC?
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Take the sort of,
a "government divided" route. Nice.
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Meanwhile, an unarrested
feral underclass has gone Mad Max,
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and police station waiting rooms
are heaving like the hedgehog carvery at a Gypsy wedding.
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Oh, I do apologise, excuse me.
I need to take this.
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We need to drop Malcolm. Right.
I can't get on my high horse
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about crime issues the day after
my director of communication
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may have, ie definitely HAS,
committed perjury.
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And I like getting on my high horse.
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I look good on it. Like a knight.
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So they're actually going
to pursue this?
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Right.
Thanks for the heads-up, mate, yeah.
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Listen, I need a police station
with a lot of exits and entrances,
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in case the press show up.
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Sam. Sam, Sam.
Brentford, right, OK.
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Listen, Sam. Get a hold
of Greg Fraser for me. I need some hard lawyering.
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OK. Pink. Pink, pink flowers.
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Pink. For my mother.
It's her 80th birthday.
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Lovely big bouquet of pink ones.
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Lovely. How are you doing?
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I'm bitchin', yes,
I'm as busy as a two-twatted hooker.
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Great. I was thinking, Malcolm...
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Maybe you should take a bit of time
off, just maybe tour the Highland distilleries,
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or whatever it is your people do,
you know? Take up stunt kiting.
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Well, we don't take advice from a
guy who looks like he gels his hair by sticking it up a cow's vagina.
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All right, fair enough.
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Here's an idea that you could pitch
to Millertron 3,000. Yes.
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Get him to go to a police station,
yeah?
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But pick a big one, right? Right.
Lewisham. It's more impact in a big one. Yeah, yeah.
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But make sure you get as many press
there as possible. Yeah. OK.
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Dan Miller is visiting
a police station.
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What? Why? Why, why aren't
I visiting a police station?
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Why didn't you think of that?
Yes, why didn't you think of that? I did, I nearly did, OK?
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I was about to think of that.
Christ, it's like Harry Potter all over again.
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I thought of that,
I just didn't write it down.
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It was Gandalf at school,
but same principle.
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00:05:49,441 --> 00:05:52,879
Fergus has got an idea about
the police backlog, just tell him. Yeah, I'm going to.
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It is basically an issue of manpower,
so we outsource, we get the private sector in to clear it up.
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It's problem solved,
it's obvious, really.
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Yeah, yeah. Yes, you, yes, it is
obvious, that's two obvious things you've missed today. Idiot!
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Yeah, what do you think?
No, I think it's good,
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00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,279
I mean, private sector dives in
and saves us, it plays well for us. Thank you.
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Till we get the bill!
Cos we got no money.
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Anyway, I'm just popping out to
Tesco Metro, anyone want a yoghurt?
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No, Glenn, no.
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Ah, Peter. This War of the Roses
with the Home Office?
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It ends now. We want a united realm.
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There's no vision in division.
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Well, yes, there is. Anyway,
tell Perkin Warbeck over there.
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OK, people, could
we briefly form a coherent group?
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Mary Drake is in the building,
she's on her way up.
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OK. Shields up, guys.
Centurions, we're forming a tortoise.
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OK. Terri. Think Socially.
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Did I sign off on this?
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Because I hadn't heard of Think
Socially until I said it just then.
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OK, er... So what is it?
Simple explanation.
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Love to hear it. Yeah. Very...
Oh, God, here's Mary.
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Bunch up, everyone, so she
doesn't see the corpses.
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Look, synchronise lies, all right?
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Mary, hi, hi. Emma.
We met at the away day.
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I so enjoyed our mood play.
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Yes. You actually did, didn't you?
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Ah, you must be the legendary Terri.
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00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,599
I've heard a great deal about you.
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Oh, please, don't believe
everything that you hear. I fully intend not to.
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Stewart, shakras balanced?
Er... sorry. Tiny bit of housekeeping.
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Terri, um, er... Think Socially.
Just checking in on that.
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Yes. Yes, it's a go thing.
Double stamped, yes.
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Mary. Great to see you again.
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I'm here in an angry capacity.
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Ah! The cream in our coffee, Mary.
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The message from the Home Office
is this,
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"Move away from the backlog,
there's nothing to see.
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"Let the police do their jobs,
let us do ours."
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Sorry to be, er... contrary, Mary.
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00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,239
But, er... Peter and I have just been
discussing this very issue.
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00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,879
Shut up. Let me tell you something
now.
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DoSAC is one rat's whisker away
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00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:52,359
from being shut down and subsumed
by the Home Office
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and put in charge
of cocking up the tea run!
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And I like mine weak and white.
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Like my men.
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00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,999
Stewart, any thoughts from within
your fucking dream yurt?
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00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,159
I will go and try
and defrag this situation.
168
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,559
But I am staying strictly macro.
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00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,839
Subtitles. You need subtitles!
170
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,719
Sorry, er, Think Socially.
171
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:16,759
Terri, would you mind explaining
rationally why I appear to be giving
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00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,799
a ringing endorsement to a piece of
shit that I've never even heard of?
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It's not my fault, it's the double
stamping nonsense, that's the reason. Oh, really? Yeah.
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00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:27,039
Because, right now, I want to double
stamp on your fucking throat.
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00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,279
I'm taking that seriously
as a physical threat.
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You know, one of the many,
many things that baffles me about you is you remain unmurdered!
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What time are we due at the Mirror?
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00:08:35,201 --> 00:08:38,279
Oh, not for another hour.
Oh, OK.
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00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:41,559
Got plenty of time to get
into your Boudica mode.
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00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:44,199
I am woman, hear me roar!
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00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,520
Get your jugs out,
get on your chariot.
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00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:49,719
Crikey!
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00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,799
I think, given that I'm hoping to get
back into cabinet at some point,
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00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,320
I might... keep my jugs
in the cupboard.
185
00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,800
Or... I suppose I could always
pop one of them out
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00:08:59,801 --> 00:09:01,359
if the interview's flagging.
187
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,640
It's an option!
188
00:09:02,641 --> 00:09:08,039
Um... I did apologise, didn't I,
for telling you to fuck off?
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00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,199
Yes.
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00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,279
Good. Because I, you know,
I didn't mean it.
191
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,239
I wouldn't be here
if I thought you meant it.
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00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,560
I've got plenty of places
to fuck off to.
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00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,640
It's a big funeral home, isn't it?
194
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,959
M Tucker. Olly. Malcolm.
195
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,039
Um, we need to have a little chat.
196
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,359
You're not splitting up with me,
are you?
197
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:42,199
Because I'm pregnant and it's quads,
so, you know. You're not laughing.
198
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,279
Well, I'm laughing on the inside.
199
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:45,520
Which is a tad ironic,
200
00:09:45,521 --> 00:09:48,559
because I'm leaving here in five
minutes to get arrested. Hang on.
201
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,679
Sorry, er... you're going to be
arrested at the exact same time
202
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:53,879
that Dan Miller's doing
his Lewisham walkabout?
203
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:56,639
Yeah. But I'm going to Brentford
where nobody will be watching me
204
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,559
because they'll all be with him.
205
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:01,839
So the Leader of the Opposition is
going to be filmed at a police station
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00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:05,639
at the exact moment as his Head Of
Communications is being arrested.
207
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:09,119
Yes! OK, great, great, so that's a
sack full of face-chewing rats,
208
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,559
thank you very much. Look, it's...
this is what you have to deal with, right?
209
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,919
It's just another day
at the fuck office.
210
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:18,879
So now, I have to step into your
shoes, but after you've shat in them?
211
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:23,119
Olly, look at me. I'm not pulling
anything out of a magic hat.
212
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,199
The rabbits have fallen to pieces,
213
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,799
their fucking heads are coming off
and frightening the kids.
214
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,919
So somebody else is going
to have to help out.
215
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:33,199
Well, who says I even want to be
you, Malcolm?
216
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,879
Who says that?
Nobody says that.
217
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:40,239
Except every screaming atom of that
etiolated stick of fuck you call a body says that.
218
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:45,759
Every fibre of your being,
every stamen... says that.
219
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,120
But you are not me, Olly.
220
00:10:47,121 --> 00:10:48,719
No.
221
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,160
And you never will be me.
222
00:10:50,161 --> 00:10:53,639
I knew Malcolm F Tucker, sir.
223
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,959
And you are not
Malcolm Fucking Tucker.
224
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,439
You're not even fucking Manchester's
top Malcolm Tucker tribute band.
225
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,799
And trying to be me, you?
226
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,639
Trying to be me will fucking
kill you. I give you 18 months
227
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:09,599
before you're a washed-out,
weeping alcoholic
228
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,759
with no fucking bladder control.
229
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,479
Sleeping on your brother-in-law's
sofa.
230
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,159
And so on and so on, it doesn't have
to be like that now, Malcolm,
231
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:19,839
politics has actually changed.
232
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,799
Oh? Right. Yeah, yeah.
And you probably haven't noticed because you've been on transmit
233
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:26,479
for the last fucking eight years
Waa-waa-waa-waa-waa!
234
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,879
And whilst you've been doing that,
everybody else has been changing,
235
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:33,479
and it's all a bit softcore now,
it's all a bit algorithms now.
236
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,840
You don't have to be Malcolm Tucker
to sit in that chair.
237
00:11:35,841 --> 00:11:38,959
Oh, how quickly they grow up.
You fucking think you know me?
238
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,479
Well, yeah. Yeah, I know you.
239
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,400
You know Jackie fucking Chan
about me.
240
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,920
You know fuck all about me!
241
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:53,519
I am totally beyond the realms
of your fucking tousle-haired,
242
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:56,399
fucking dim-witted
compre-fucking-hension.
243
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,279
I don't just take this
fucking job home, you know.
244
00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:02,079
I take this job home,
it fucking ties me to the bed,
245
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:04,799
and it fucking fucks me
from arsehole to breakfast.
246
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,278
Then, it wakes me up in the morning
with a cup full of piss
247
00:12:07,279 --> 00:12:09,200
slammed in my face,
slaps me about the chops,
248
00:12:09,201 --> 00:12:12,199
to make sure I'm awake enough so it
can kick me in the fucking bollocks.
249
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,999
This job has taken me
in every hole in my fucking body.
250
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,319
Malcolm is gone,
you can't know Malcolm,
251
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,319
because Malcolm is not here!
252
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:22,839
Malcolm fucking left the building
fucking years ago!
253
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,239
This is a fucking husk.
254
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,159
I am a fucking host
for this fucking job.
255
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,879
Do you want this job?
256
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,759
Yeah.
Yes, you do fucking want this job.
257
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,719
Then, you're going to have
to fucking swallow this whole fucking life
258
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,199
and let it grow inside you
like a parasite.
259
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,959
Getting bigger and bigger and bigger
until it fucking eats your insides alive
260
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,319
and it stares out of your eyes
and tells you what to do.
261
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,599
Malcolm, this sounds like the
fucking video you leave on YouTube
262
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,800
after you've blown your brains out.
263
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:53,879
I'm as dead as fucking 2 Tone.
264
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,839
But I can fashion my own exit.
265
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,479
Oh, Christ! What, are you going to
fly to Switzerland
266
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:02,119
and have a wank off a nurse and
a bye-bye pill, are you?
267
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,759
Funny, funny man.
268
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,519
Political exit.
269
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,199
No, I know.
270
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:12,839
I'm going to leave the stage with
my head held fucking high, right?
271
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:17,759
What you're going to see is a
masterclass in fucking dignity, son.
272
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:21,639
The audience will be on their feet.
"There he goes," they'll say.
273
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:27,240
"No friends, no real friends.
No children, no glory, no memoirs."
274
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:31,880
Well, fuck them.
275
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,959
Hello. Hello.
276
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,039
Hi. Nicola Murray, Leader of...
Oh! I've got to stop saying that.
277
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:39,520
Hello. Helen, hi. Declan.
278
00:13:39,521 --> 00:13:40,719
Declan, hi.
279
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,879
Nice to see you again.
Yes, again, er...
280
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,599
Do you not remember me?
281
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,719
I, I'm so sorry,
you look very familiar,
282
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,080
but it's just I meet so,
well, I met so many people.
283
00:13:50,081 --> 00:13:51,600
You're for the chop!
284
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,439
Oh, right. You're... OK!
285
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,599
Uh-huh! Mr Chop. Yeah.
286
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,559
I'll look forward to giving you
a bit of a grilling!
287
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:05,439
Well, this might be your chance,
I'm the one doing the interview. Are you? Great.
288
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:08,599
Here we... Here's an old friend.
Hello. Oh, yeah. Wow! Yeah.
289
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,199
Still, still doing that joke!
290
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,759
Big, though, isn't it?
291
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:16,359
Um, if you'd just excuse us
for one minute, Mr Ch... Um...
292
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,239
Declan. Declan, Declan, yes, yes,
yes, of course. Yeah, sorry.
293
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,239
I just need a quick strategy
chat. Sure.
294
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:25,919
I am... ever so close to being
on the verge
295
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:29,399
of balling my fucking
eyes out disappointed about this.
296
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,479
I mean, this was it, was it?
What was the alternative?
297
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,960
Going on Strictly Come Dancing
298
00:14:33,961 --> 00:14:37,279
and doing a fucking hookie waltz
with Abu Hamza?
299
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:40,959
This is pretty low. This is lower
than my mother's pelvic floor, Helen.
300
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,479
I had to virtually
go on the game to get you this.
301
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,639
So frankly, I don't care if he wants
to roll around in apple sauce with you,
302
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,360
get in there and do as you're told.
303
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,199
Right. I will go,
because I'm choosing to go in,
304
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,160
but I just need you to know,
for the record...
305
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:57,240
Just get in there
before I push you in.
306
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:03,999
If they video this as well, I'm going
to swallow my own fucking thumbs.
307
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,119
OK.
308
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,239
So, sorry about that, yes, just...
Not at all.
309
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,560
Now, we're going to be videoing
this too, if that's OK,
310
00:15:09,561 --> 00:15:13,879
so I thought interview first, then,
I'll get myself into my chop costume and we do a little double act.
311
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,399
What news from the front,
my hardy legionnaires?
312
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,880
Er... Forest Hill running smooth,
Croydon lag time, get it?
313
00:15:18,881 --> 00:15:21,359
Down 15 minutes, slamming the hoods.
314
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,319
Boom! Fuck the Home Office.
315
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,639
Yeah. Double stamped.
Fuck the police!
316
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,959
No, that doesn't work.
Christ, I haven't felt this alive for months.
317
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,680
I feel like I've had a health scare.
318
00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:32,799
OK. Dan Miller's station visit's on.
319
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,359
He's going to be meeting
and greeting. Urgh!
320
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,759
Er, Emma, which police station
is it? Lewisham.
321
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,319
Actually, Phil, how long is
the waiting time there?
322
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,359
Well, that's a big nick.
Tough nut to crack.
323
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,999
Phil, can you stop pretending
you're in The Sweeney and just give me a fucking fact?
324
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:49,399
How long? It's coming down.
Hour, hour and a half, tops. OK.
325
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,720
So listen, I was thinking
of learning a new language.
326
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:54,480
Oh, sorry, got to take that.
327
00:15:54,481 --> 00:15:56,599
Oh! It's my sister.
328
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,639
Peter, we need to get as many staff
as possible down to Lewisham, OK?
329
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,319
When Miller gets there, we need them
to be processing like, like human Pentiums.
330
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,039
Yeah, I, I agree, I don't care
who's queuing for arrest
331
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,679
or if they go on to kill again,
Lewisham's the priority.
332
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,799
Brilliant! We make it seem like Dan
Miller's the problem, he's wasting police time.
333
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,560
He's the backlog. Err, Peter.
Um? Yeah.
334
00:16:14,561 --> 00:16:17,839
When you have a moment, can I get
a quote on Malcolm's arrest?
335
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,599
Malcolm? Tucker.
336
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,639
Malcolm Tucker's being arrested?
337
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,599
Well, I was thinking of coming
down there in October anyway.
338
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,439
What the fuck? This is... I've been
getting calls for 15 minutes.
339
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,719
Not the same sources that told you
David Beckham was running for mayor?
340
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:34,239
Malcolm's solicitor phoned the
police, who phones journalists, and they tell me.
341
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,439
And after all that people
phoning you... Yes? Yes?
342
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,959
Then you just, then, you just have
a little tuna salad, do you, watch Loose Women?
343
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,559
You lay an egg over there and...
344
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,159
Terri, Terri, can you spot
who the blockage is in this office?
345
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,759
I have been getting on with doing
exactly what you told me to,
346
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,879
which was... What?
..dealing with this arrest backlog. Can't you react to events? Fuck!
347
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,039
Yes, just doing one thing at a time,
are you, because you're a uni-tasker?
348
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,599
All the press will focus on, right,
is Malcolm's arrest,
349
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,799
and not on anyone else who's being
arrested, we have been trumped again! No, this is good.
350
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:06,479
We swoop in, sort the system,
and we get Tucker in clink, it's a double stamp.
351
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,599
Which police station's he going to?
Brentford, apparently. Brentford.
352
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,839
Shit, it's off-grid! It'd be here,
the vector would be here.
353
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,759
Right. OK, listen up, everybody.
354
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,159
Forget Lewisham.
355
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,759
I want every warm body
we've got down to Brentford.
356
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,119
Let's put the fucker in a cell
with a genuine psychopath.
357
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,560
Can I just make sure that this
is a double stamp?
358
00:17:24,561 --> 00:17:26,999
This is a double stamp.
359
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,880
Yeah, well, don't worry,
I can come down
360
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:32,120
and I'll have that wall
whitewashed in about half an hour.
361
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,040
So you're telling me
I literally cannot get arrested?
362
00:17:36,041 --> 00:17:39,039
Look, I haven't got the staff to
deal with the workload right now.
363
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:42,039
My client is doing everything
he can to help you with your inquiries.
364
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,520
They are processing arrests
at Lewisham, head down there.
365
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:46,599
We can't go to Lewisham.
Why not?
366
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:50,279
Dan Miller's there,
fondling truncheons. Oh!
367
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,159
This, as you can see, is our
control... Hello, Dan Miller, hello.
368
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,400
Hello, Dan Miller.
369
00:17:54,401 --> 00:17:57,159
Room - nerve centre,
shall we say? - Where we've been
370
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,040
managing the situation.
Hi, Dan Miller.
371
00:17:59,041 --> 00:18:02,159
So you must be incredibly concerned
with the log jam we've been seeing.
372
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,279
Oh, absolutely, yesterday was
a very challenging day.
373
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:06,599
I can imagine.
374
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:10,119
Yeah, but since we've had the
additional help from the private contractors,
375
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:11,679
we're really getting on top of it.
376
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,639
Great. Well, well, yeah.
Can I just...?
377
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:15,959
Oh, of course.
378
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:20,839
Olly. What the fuck are we doing
here? Everything's fine.
379
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:22,160
I'm like lube at a funeral.
380
00:18:22,161 --> 00:18:26,120
Yeah. I can't believe it but DoSAC
have actually turned this around, they've Apollo 13'd it.
381
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,240
Fucking press!
382
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,879
Excuse me,
is there another way out of here?
383
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,359
You could hang yourself.
Fuck off!
384
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:39,599
It's down there,
turn right, on the left.
385
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,159
Have you heard that Malcolm
Tucker's going to get arrested?
386
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,360
Two minutes, I will have
something for you on that.
387
00:18:44,361 --> 00:18:48,199
Tell me that was a rhetorical
question. Malcolm was supposed to get arrested quietly,
388
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,119
on the other side of town, but,
obviously, it's actually got out.
389
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:52,479
How?
390
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,759
Do I have to say this? Do I have to
say it out loud? Because the police...
391
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,679
Oh, why don't you say it out loud?
392
00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:01,240
Yes, yes, maybe they can do me a
favour and throw you down the fucking stairs.
393
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,960
This is basically the same
fucking exit.
394
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:16,840
This is rubbish!
395
00:19:16,841 --> 00:19:19,040
This is, this is literally rubbish.
396
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,639
Malcolm! Malcolm! There he is!
There he is! Mr Tucker!
397
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,879
Hey! Get the fuck back here!
398
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,439
Jesus Christ.
399
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,639
OK, go. Go, go, go!
400
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,999
You drive off like that
again and I'll stick your meter so far down your throat,
401
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,198
you'll be able to tell the price
of your next shit.
402
00:19:35,199 --> 00:19:37,640
Why the fuck have you brought me
to a police station
403
00:19:37,641 --> 00:19:40,519
when one of our most senior figures
is about to be arrested?
404
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:44,480
Um... don't clasp your hands behind
your back, it makes you look like you've been cuffed.
405
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,120
Oh, it's him. Marvellous!
406
00:19:48,121 --> 00:19:51,319
Put him on speakerphone, he might
want to do an interview down the line.
407
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,919
Oliver Reeder. 'Olly, some press
turned up at Brentford.'
408
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,199
I've just been chased into a cab.
It's like Hard Day's fucking Night.
409
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:01,719
'Where can I go?' Er... I'm hearing
Hackney's good, 82% operational.
410
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:05,119
Olly, will you please keep
the rest of the press there,
411
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,839
with Dan in Lewisham?
412
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,319
Please. I need my dignity.
413
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,679
Come on, give me my fucking
dignity... Er, thanks for calling.
414
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,359
OK, we need to get out of here
as quickly as we possibly can.
415
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:18,159
Thank you very much. That was
really, er, wonderful. Carry on.
416
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,879
Super, super station.
Love what you've done with it.
417
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,239
Malcolm's gone. What's happening?
Did he escape?
418
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,839
No, the press were there,
it was taking too long.
419
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,399
Christ's sake! It's Tora fucking Bora
all over again.
420
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,838
Where did he go?
We've got to get everyone there now.
421
00:20:30,839 --> 00:20:32,120
I'll find out, I'll find out.
422
00:20:32,121 --> 00:20:36,239
Let's get a chopper in the air.
Be like the OJ chase! He is getting bloody arrested today, OK?
423
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,679
Absolutely.
It's legacy stuff - the men who threw Malcolm Tucker in the slammer!
424
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,919
Can I just say my idea for pop-up
prisons doesn't seem so stupid now.
425
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,679
Oh, blah, blah! Being this close
won't... Hackney, Hackney!
426
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:49,279
Where's Hackney?
There. That's Hackney, right there. OK, OK, it's my manor.
427
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,439
Adam, Adam, make it happen.
Boots on the ground, yeah?
428
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,399
This is fucking awesome, it's like
COBRA! I hope I get defence next.
429
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,320
Want the headset now, don't you?
Fuck off.
430
00:20:57,321 --> 00:21:00,119
I'm making myself an Earl Grey,
Glenn. Can I get you something?
431
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:01,760
No, I'm tea-d out, thank you, Terri.
432
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:04,319
Oh. Do you want a hand?
You could open that cupboard door.
433
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,040
Are you moving offices or something?
434
00:21:06,041 --> 00:21:08,879
Yeah, you could say that.
I'm going to a prison cell.
435
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,439
Oh, Glenn! Yeah.
436
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:11,639
No! Yeah.
437
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,399
I've decided I'm going to resign.
438
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,319
Then after that I'm going to go to
a police station and hand myself in.
439
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,319
No, no, no, no... I perjured
myself at the inquiry, Terri.
440
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,119
They'll find out. They always do.
441
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,279
I'll have a roof over my head,
three meals a day and regular sex.
442
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,559
I might even work out. Get some abs.
443
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,919
What about your sister, Glenn?
You've got to whitewash her walls!
444
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:31,120
Come out, everyone!
445
00:21:31,121 --> 00:21:32,519
Tally-ho!
446
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:33,959
Yoo-hoo!
447
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,039
Come on, bring out your fucking dead.
448
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:39,079
Right, everybody, listen.
I've got an announcement to make.
449
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,799
Erm... What is it?
Have you got an erection? No.
450
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,759
I would like to tell you
all that I'm resigning.
451
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:50,919
Is that it? No, you closeted
Regency homosexual, that is not it.
452
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:55,039
Morally, this department
is in the gutter.
453
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:59,879
Thanks for the speech, Glenn, but
we have work... You stay and take the punishment! Hoo-hoo-hoo!
454
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:04,359
I will lamp you, with a lamp.
Glenn, you've gone a tiny bit psychotic, my love.
455
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:05,839
You, Fergus,
456
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:09,599
when you asked me to join you,
all you had was your principles,
457
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:14,519
but over the last two years, you've
bent like a human fucking palm tree,
458
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:19,039
swaying to the guff of these
six-toed, born-to-rule pony fuckers.
459
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,199
If you're going to go, just go.
460
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,639
Oh! Spare us this
Peter Finch bullshit.
461
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,560
Adam, you're waiting for your turn!
462
00:22:25,561 --> 00:22:27,399
Oh, no, I remember!
463
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,159
It's your turn right now!
464
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,240
Brilliant. Bring it.
465
00:22:30,241 --> 00:22:33,879
You are simply the most loathsome
human being I have ever met. Yeah.
466
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:37,039
You were so well suited at the Mail,
it's a shame you came over here.
467
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,119
Hear, hear!
468
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:41,119
Do you know what? I hate you both.
Tweedletwat and Tweedleprick.
469
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:44,359
You contribute absolutely
nothing to the world,
470
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:47,239
so thank fucking God
you have no power.
471
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,439
Er, we do actually. It's...
No, you don't.
472
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:53,319
And, Peter, it's been dreadful.
I hope your cock falls off.
473
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:57,759
Phil, do you know what you are?
You're like an eight-year-old trapped in a 12-year-old's body.
474
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:00,119
This is great!
Why is no-one filming this?
475
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,080
And Emma.
Yeah, yeah, do Emma, do Emma.
476
00:23:02,081 --> 00:23:05,479
Yeah. Emma, I'm sorry, you're just
a standard-issue insipid posh bitch.
477
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:06,519
That's it!
478
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:07,959
Terri!
479
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,399
Oh! Whoa, whoa!
480
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,359
I don't think I've ever met
anyone quite so proud,
481
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:14,719
and yet quite so useless.
482
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:19,599
But I do have to thank you, because
I have managed to stay in shape
483
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:23,599
purely through the energy
I spend in pitying you every day.
484
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,079
Glenn, you're just
embarrassing yourself.
485
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,959
Fuck you all up the wrong 'un!
Ta-ta! Bye-bye!
486
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,039
That was better than IMAX Inception.
487
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,039
Poor, poor Glenn.
488
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,599
Should we try and get him back?
489
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,279
Fuck, no!
He's gone completely mental.
490
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,039
He's gone Glenn-tal.
491
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:41,879
There he is, there he is!
492
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:45,479
Malcolm! Can you tell us
why you're here today?
493
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,159
Why are you here today, Malcolm?
494
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:48,759
Are you here to be arrested?
495
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,720
Nothing to say.
496
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,919
Nothing to say.
There's nothing to say.
497
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,439
Out of my way,
you fucking human Mooncup.
498
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:58,919
Have a bit of class.
499
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,199
Is this arrest by
appointment, Mr Tucker?
500
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,759
You do not have to say anything.
501
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:06,279
However, it may harm your defence if
you do not mention when questioned
502
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:10,319
something which you later rely on in
court. Anything you do say may be...
503
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:11,920
Malcolm! Malcolm!
504
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,119
Quiet! Quiet! Quieten down!
505
00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:19,079
Quieten down!
Give us something.
506
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,479
I have a brief statement
I will read on behalf of my client.
507
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:27,079
"I am innocent of all charges
and vow to do everything in my power to clear my name.
508
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:30,519
"I will fight this all the way, and
I am confident no jury will be able
509
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:34,039
"to look me in the eye and
say anything other than I am an innocent man.
510
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,719
"But to avoid any distraction
to my official duties,
511
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:39,079
"and to begin preparations
for my acquittal,
512
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:42,159
"I am standing down as senior
communications officer to my party,
513
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:45,599
"and, with heavy heart, I am
leaving top-tier politics for good."
514
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,159
That is all we have to say
at this time. Thank you.
515
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,199
Have you anything further to add?
516
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,360
No, I want to say something,
I want to say something.
517
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,080
Doesn't matter.
518
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,720
Have you been sacked, Mr Tucker?
519
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,919
'..Standing down as senior
communications officer to my party...'
520
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:22,439
Oh, I do feel grubby. I feel
fucking great! It's a huge scalp.
521
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:23,600
Size of a pizza!
522
00:25:23,601 --> 00:25:26,839
How about a toast to the old
bastard's hopeful incarceration
523
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:28,960
with a fine 12-year-old
Glen-fuck it?!
524
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:31,999
I haven't worked all that long,
525
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,159
or all that closely
with Malcolm Tucker,
526
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,279
but I wish him luck
in clearing his name,
527
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,679
although, obviously,
if he is found guilty,
528
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:40,999
then the full weight
of the law should be...
529
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,519
Oh, sorry. Full force
of the law should be...
530
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,079
I haven't worked all that long...
531
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:49,199
With him gone, um,
I feel fresh hope we can mend
532
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:53,559
and rebuild a credible politics
of integrity and honour.
533
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,360
So, er, thank you
very much for coming,
534
00:25:55,361 --> 00:25:58,639
I look forward to seeing much more of
you in the coming weeks and months.
535
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,600
Not you, Rod, obviously.
You're a twat.
536
00:26:00,601 --> 00:26:03,959
But... In spite of the awards, er,
er, for being a twat, I believe.
537
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,480
So, thanks, fellas.
Don't be strangers.
538
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,279
Oh, Phil, is it too much for you?
It's strong! Oh, poor old Phil!
539
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,119
Did you get it in your eye?
540
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:18,479
I've got an image now of you
puking up on some stripper's shoes
541
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,879
and then bursting into tears.
542
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:25,439
Drinking on the job, Peter. Why not?
You've already got the efficiency of a man who's half-cut.
543
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:30,919
Oh, then I must have dreamt that
my idea had successfully reduced the arrest backlog.
544
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:34,399
DoSAC did do rather well today,
er, actually. Thank you.
545
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,879
But there's a conspicuous blockage
that will lead to a personnel change.
546
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:41,479
Stewart, you're out. You're
going to be pickled in a think tank.
547
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:42,839
What?
548
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,679
Of course I am, Mary. And whose
authority is this coming from, hmm?
549
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:50,199
The PM, whilst acknowledging
the need for thoughts,
550
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,119
is keener on actions these days.
551
00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:54,079
I'm going to be providing those.
552
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:57,079
Stewart, there's no need
for you to clear your desk,
553
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:59,759
cos you're a walking
thought pod, aren't you?
554
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,759
Absolutely. Thank you very much.
555
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,039
Thanks.
556
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,799
Um, you know...
557
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:11,879
I've spent ten years
detoxifying this party, hmm?
558
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:16,199
It's been a bit like renovating
an old, old house, yeah?
559
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:20,959
You can take out a sexist beam here,
a callous window there,
560
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,839
replace the odd
homophobic roof tile.
561
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,119
But after a while you realise
that this renovation is doomed.
562
00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:29,679
Because the foundations
are built on what
563
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:34,079
I can only describe as
a solid bed of cunts.
564
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:35,319
Wow!
565
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,559
Bye, Stewart.
566
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:37,760
Bye-bye, Stewart.
567
00:27:37,761 --> 00:27:39,840
Thanks for everything!
568
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:44,800
Sod it.
569
00:27:47,096 --> 00:27:50,696
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
570
00:27:50,779 --> 00:27:52,298
Now, if we can just get
a couple of pictures,
571
00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:54,439
someone will give you
a knife and fork,
572
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,119
and if you can pretend to eat me.
573
00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:58,239
What a great day!
574
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,080
Peter? Sorry,
the Sun have just been on.
575
00:28:00,081 --> 00:28:04,479
I'm afraid a prisoner who was
accused of assaulting his wife was accidentally released,
576
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,999
he's gone back and attacked
the wife and children. Oh, shit in the couscous!
577
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,439
Right, OK,
we need a joint statement.
578
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,199
Both departments were too busy
with the backlogs. Fuck it all!
579
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,479
Yeah, basically stuff fell through
the cracks. Exactly. No-one's fault.
580
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,519
Can this be double-stamped?
Fuck the stamps!
581
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:20,519
And whose fault is it
the man was released?
582
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:24,439
Terri, meeting in my office.
Well, uh, in Peter's office. Well, I'm meeting in my office.
583
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:25,600
I'm meeting in my office.
584
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:28,760
What a shit day!
585
00:28:28,810 --> 00:28:33,360
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