Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:03,440
No, Derek, I'm not presuming anything.
It's up to the PM. I'll go wherever he wants.
2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,639
I'm going to have to go. Bye-bye.
3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,719
- Good morning.
- Morning, Minister.
4
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:11,720
- Are you just offto your 8:30 with Malcolm?
- Yep, yep.
5
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:14,639
- First one?
- Into the lion's den, viper's pit.
6
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,479
The belly ofthe beast,
the lair ofthe white worm.
7
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,479
- The eye ofthe snake.
- Hmm.
8
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:22,480
- Not all departments get asked to the 8:30.
- That's true.
9
00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,439
It's an honour to be in there
with the big hitters.
10
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,719
Always best to be inside the tent, pissing out.
11
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,720
Ifyou were doing this
over at Environment and Rural Affairs
12
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,399
at 8:30 you'd be very much outside the tent.
13
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,879
- Probably at Coffee Republic.
- Covered in piss.
14
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,880
Good luck. You'll be fine.
You don't need good luck.
15
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,439
- Yeah.
- What about the...piss?
16
00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,679
- It's a figure ofspeech.
- I'd better go.
17
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,359
- See you later, Robyn.
- OK.
18
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,959
- I'm sure there's a way of...
- Robyn!
19
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,960
Robyn, sorry. Could you try and pick up any
signals you can from Malcolm about the erm...
20
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,999
about the reshuffle?
21
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,000
- I've really got to go. I don't want to be late.
- God, don't be late.
22
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,759
Apparently, they shout at the last one in.
23
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,719
Ifanyone shouts at you,
they'll have to answer to me.
24
00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,720
I'll box his ears.
25
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:15,320
Box his ears? Ifthat was flirting,
that was absolutely crap. Box his ears?
26
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,119
How long is it since you've had sex?
27
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:22,120
That is between me
and my internet service provider.
28
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,439
- Anyway, about this...
- You've gone red, Glenn.
29
00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,839
You have. Look, you've gone red.
30
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,759
- I have not gone red. That's red.
- Yeah!
31
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,359
Look, he can hardly walk properly.
32
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,079
- Morning, morning, morning!
- (All) Morning.
33
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:37,799
OK. I want to have a bit ofa think
34
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,800
about some ofour presentational issues
with regard to yesterday.
35
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,360
There seems to have been a problem last night
with Liam on Newsnight.
36
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:48,200
I want to know why did we have a minister
on who did not appear to know their lines.
37
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,720
- It's not his fault. We grilled him beforehand.
- Grilled?
38
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,559
- He's got a new baby.
- I don't care.
39
00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,560
I don't care ifhe's tired. He looked like
he didn't know what he was talking about.
40
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,400
Now, I know he doesn't,
but he's got to appear as ifhe does, right?
41
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,079
And that is your job, and your job.
42
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:09,080
And yours and yours and yours and yours
and yours and yours and yours.
43
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,000
With all due respect to ministers,
give them the lines. Right?
44
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,919
Give them all the lines to say?
45
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,920
This is the delightful Robyn.
She's just with us today.
46
00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:25,040
She's standing in for Terri at the Department
ofSocial Affairs. So be gentle with her.
47
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,079
No remarks about
the Department ofStuffed Anuses,
48
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,080
or the Department ofStupid Announcements
or the Department ofSod All.
49
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,559
- Right, next.
- Reshuffle?
50
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,560
Yes, there is a pending reshuffle. I can see we're
not going to get anything past you.
51
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,240
There was a young girl from DOSA
who helped herselfto a samosa.
52
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,919
Argh! Next time I'll come up with something.
53
00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:50,679
Just a bit offun.
54
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,680
Yes, the reshuffle.
No, yes, definitely, we don't know anything.
55
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:57,280
I don't know anything,
so we can't say anything.
56
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,839
But even ifwe did, we wouldn't.
57
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,559
But we don't, so we both can't and won't.
58
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,560
Last Cabinet before reshuffle.
How do you think I should...
59
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,000
Should I go in there with all guns blazing, new
policy ideas, and do a big ha cha cha cha cha?
60
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,400
- Or should I be more hmmm, like Buddha?
- You don't have to do either.
61
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,040
You could just sort ofnod quietly,
nod wisely every so often,
62
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,600
and then just have a policy
in your back pocket, just in case...
63
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,039
What's the policy I've got in my back pocket?
64
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,040
Tripling the number ofquiet carriages
on Intercity trains.
65
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,680
Oh, wow! What a big, exciting hard-on
moment that's going to be!
66
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,880
- That's not bad. Did you just think ofthat?
- Like that.
67
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,199
Hugh.
68
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:42,200
- After Cabinet, you are going to...?
- Talk to Tucker?
69
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,919
- About the reshuffle?
- Yeah.
70
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,920
I'll slip it in during the conversation. Much as
you're intending to do with Robyn, I suspect.
71
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,280
- Right, next?
- Julius Nicholson? I got it yesterday.
72
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,600
He was looking at the MOD
taking over UK security from the Home Office.
73
00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,319
That was flown by one ofNicholson's mob.
74
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,320
I'm spending halfofmy time now dealing with
this rubbish that Nicholson's putting out.
75
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,640
There's a Sunday piece about you and him
not getting along. Have you got a line?
76
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,319
Julius Nicholson is a hugely respected adviser.
77
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,320
He now has a wide-ranging brief
and his blue-sky vision and helicopter thinking
78
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,440
will enable this Government to go, in his own
phrase, ''beyond delivery, and beyond that''.
79
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,199
That's the line, OK?
80
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:27,200
Ifhe does stick his baldy head round your door
with some stupid idea,
81
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:31,120
about policemen's helmets should be yellow,
or let's set up a department to count the moon,
82
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,920
just treat him like someone
with Alzheimer's disease, you know?
83
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,560
Just say, ''Oh, yeah, that's lovely.
We must talk about that later,'' OK?
84
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,079
In no way, shape or form...
85
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,279
(Knock at door)
86
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:48,280
- Come the fuck in, or fuck the fuck off.
- I'll come the fuck in, then.
87
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:51,480
It's just something that Nicholson's flown.
88
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,760
A kind ofbrain exercise, like
''What would it be like ifmen had tits?''
89
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,879
Mark Mardell? That's pretty good, actually.
90
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,119
All right, then. See you, then.
91
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,679
- Hugh?
- I thought you would want to know.
92
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,119
- What?
- Terri's dad.
93
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,679
- Yeah?
- No news at the moment.
94
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:10,679
- You've come to talk about the reshuffle.
- Yeah, I have.
95
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,680
- Yeah?
- In terms ofshuffley stuff, how is Neil?
96
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,719
- I mean, is his heart...
- Have you not heard?
97
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,839
No.
98
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,039
(Heavy sigh) He's paralysed.
99
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,079
Oh, no.
100
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,679
- Neil's on wheels.
- You're kidding.
101
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,879
- He's a vegetable.
- Oh, my God.
102
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,880
Yeah.
103
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,079
That means you could have his department.
104
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,399
Oh, you are kidding. Fuck you very much.
105
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,400
You're looking for mouth-to-mouth
in the reshuffle. I don't know anything.
106
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,080
The PM is still working it out
on the back ofa Coldplay CD as we speak.
107
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,560
- Are you in, sir?
- Ah! MrJulius Nicholson.
108
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,200
- Nice to see you again.
- What proposals have you got for us today?
109
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,039
- How about a ban on sand castles?
- I wanted to find out
110
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,759
ifyou're coming to my FSG briefing
this afternoon.
111
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,079
- FSG briefing?
- Forward Strategy Group.
112
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,080
Well, you know, Julius,
I'm just going to have to send one ofthe boys.
113
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,360
I have got so much work to do here,
what with this MOD...
114
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:12,080
Well, as the minister said to the prince,
don't be surprised ifwe abolish you.
115
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,000
I'll leave it with you.
116
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,599
That was a bit erm...
117
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,959
- Are you all right?
- I'm fucking all right.
118
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,960
- I can fucking look after myself.
- Under the spotlight now.
119
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,160
Just watch your own back, what with the
missus dripping poison into the big guy's ear.
120
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,159
- What missus?
- The prime minister's missus.
121
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,160
Oh, what? You don't know?
She doesn't like the cut ofyour jib, son.
122
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,199
She...? She's hardly seen my jib.
123
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,200
I just had a conversation with her
at the New Year's party, that's all.
124
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,679
Why doesn't she like me? What's not to like?
125
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,680
- You just didn't click.
- We were talking about the fucking Euro.
126
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,960
How are you supposed to click over the Euro?
Fucking impossible.
127
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:58,440
- Don't take it so personally.
- She doesn't like me as a person.
128
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,319
How else am I supposed to take it?
129
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:03,359
Definitely Hugh.
130
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,360
Robyn, can you send these back to archives?
They're not even highlighted.
131
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,920
I'm not going to plough through all that. I need
the last four months ofthe European Digest.
132
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,760
Is it cos you fancy me?
Is that what this is all about?
133
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,800
- Sorry?
- You're so rude. That's got to be the reason.
134
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,760
Other people knock and say ''hello'', ''good
morning'', ''thanks'' and ''nice top'' sometimes.
135
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,280
Well, no. For a start, I don't fancy you.
136
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,160
I don't know where you got that in your head,
but get it out.
137
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,320
IfI'm slightly polite to you on a semi-regular
basis, will that in any way bypass it?
138
00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:40,759
That would definitely do it.
139
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,760
Well, thank you very much for the work
you do. Hi, by the way. How are you?
140
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,279
I'm really well.
141
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:49,280
You look lovely. Can I have the fucking Digest,
please? That would be terrific.
142
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,800
- All you had to do was ask me.
- Yeah, well, all I did do is ask.
143
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,519
Phwor!
144
00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,599
A joke.
145
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,079
- Hello.
- Morning, Minister.
146
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,080
I need to have a word, Olly, and then
can you get me Terri on the phone, please?
147
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:07,959
- Where is Glenn?
- Please?
148
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,960
Nicholson hauled him in for a chat.
One ofhis bright ideas.
149
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,280
Inflatable churches for rural communities
or tattooing immigrants.
150
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:19,160
Apparently, the PM's wife doesn't like me.
Did you know this?
151
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,160
No. Erm... Why?
152
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,200
Two reasons.
Cut ofmy jib and insufficient clicking.
153
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,760
I'll be a footnote in political history because
I didn't have an anecdote about puppies.
154
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,639
We can brainstorm small talk ifyou want to.
155
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,640
Realistically, I'm not going to get promotion,
not while this prime minister's still in power.
156
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,559
Well, not while he's married to the same wife.
157
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:46,560
Knowing your lot, he'll leave her,
she'll marry his replacement.
158
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,040
I did mention your great quiet carriages thing
and he just...
159
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,039
- What does that mean?
- Fuck knows what it means.
160
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:57,040
But I don't think it means, ''Oh, Hugh, you're
fantastic. Here, become Home Secretary.''
161
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,920
And even ifit did mean that,
when he's in bed tonight with Mrs PM, flossing,
162
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,239
then she'll say, ''Abbot as Home Secretary?''
163
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,240
''The man is a social spastic
and very probably a registered nonce, darling.''
164
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,520
- Terri on line one, and there's her dad's name.
- Dad's name?
165
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,559
Hello.
166
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:17,799
Hello, how are you?
167
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,800
- I'm not great, actually.
- Yes, goodness me.
168
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,560
Please be sure to send my best
to...to...to your dad.
169
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,519
Thanks.
170
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,719
Look, I heard today
171
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,559
that the PM's wife doesn't like me.
172
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:35,079
- Did you know about this?
- Yes, I did.
173
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,080
- I know about the lack ofclick. Anything else?
- Hugh, my dad's dying.
174
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:43,120
Ofcourse. Thanks so much
for taking the time to talk to me, Terri.
175
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,160
It must be a... Well, obviously,
it's a very, very hard time for you.
176
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,760
It's just ironic that it happens to have coincided
with a hard time for me.
177
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,600
Because, you know,
I thought I was solid with the reshuffle.
178
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,079
But now, with the not clicking bombshell,
179
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:02,080
I need to give the impression that I'm not
budging, I'm staying exactly where I am,
180
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,680
I'm here for ever, you know, like Ken erm...
181
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,639
Ken Livingstone? Russell?
182
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,319
Hom?
183
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,199
- Barlow?
- Barlow!
184
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,200
- Like Ken Barlow. I'm solid.
- (Glenn) That fucking arse clamp, Nicholson!
185
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,800
Look, I don't want to say this too many times,
but the fact is Nicholson's shafted us.
186
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:26,599
He's cut us out ofthe 8:30 briefings.
187
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,039
- That's awful.
- I know.
188
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:31,040
But for now, this department is no longer
going to any ofMalcolm's 8:30 briefings, OK?
189
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:36,560
- Tomorrow morning, I just stay here?
- Yes, that's right.
190
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,119
- I don't want to alarm Hugh about this.
- Oh, God! This ges worse!
191
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,120
Listen to me, Robyn. He's got
quite enough on his mind at the moment.
192
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,000
So tomorrow morning, what you do is
you leave here at the same time, about 8:20,
193
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,719
and you fuck offand go and sit in a park.
194
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,720
- And not tell Hugh?
- Yes. It's only temporary.
195
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,279
- Oh, God!
- I'm going to sort it out, OK?
196
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,199
Won't it just be a bit demeaning?
197
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,200
Terri says there's a list
ofQuestion Time producers in her top drawer.
198
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,359
- Are you OK, Robyn?
- Erm... Yeah.
199
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,039
- Have you been touching her?
- Fuck off.
200
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:10,040
Yes, I've got the producers' names,
so thanks for that.
201
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,240
And is there anything else that I could do?
You know, photo opps or a little party?
202
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,600
Schmooze the broadsheets?
Tell them how I love running Social Affairs?
203
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,320
Yeah, that would work, wouldn't it?
204
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,440
Everyone loves a party.
Well, I don't, personally, but people do.
205
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,320
- Get your head round this. You go to a park.
- Which park?
206
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,400
- Just choose... Green Park.
- I don't like Green Park.
207
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,959
- Which park do you like?
- StJames's Park.
208
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,960
Go to StJames's Park, then. OK?
209
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,240
- I think we should tell the minister.
- Listen, Robyn, I really like you, but fuck off!
210
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,639
- Has he been touching you?
- Don't start.
211
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,640
Oh, God! I'm rubbish, apparently.
212
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,720
That's why Nicholson has banned us
from the 8:30 meetings,
213
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,440
and I've got to go and sit in StJames's Park
and pretend I'm in a meeting all morning.
214
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,200
I wouldn't worry.
There should be four or five ofyou out there.
215
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,200
This is another example ofthinking out ofthe
box by someone who's out ofhis fucking tree.
216
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,600
- I've got to go. I'll talk to you later. Bye.
- Ah, Malcolm Tucker!
217
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,319
Julius Nicholson! What can I do you for?
218
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,320
- I am keen to have a chat with Keith Percival.
- Yeah.
219
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,959
- That won't be possible.
- And I need the O'Rourke papers.
220
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,960
I'm afraid not. Anything else?
221
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,959
Look, Malcolm, you and I both know
222
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,960
my power flows directly from the PM.
Ifyou've got a problem...
223
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,440
Keith is so busy with real governmental work
224
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:37,200
that he doesn't have time to discuss with you
your ideas and theories.
225
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,920
The O'Rourke papers are not relevant to
anything we can actually action at this moment.
226
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,280
That's slightly funny, because when I played
tennis with the PM, which I do every Sunday,
227
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,799
he was saying
he was looking forward to seeing that paper.
228
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,800
He thinks your theories are interesting.
He tells me that, because I see him every day.
229
00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,640
I also see him on a Sunday when I get together
with his family and I make fucking waffles.
230
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,640
But I cannot allow you to come in here
231
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,160
and interfere
with the actual process ofgovernment.
232
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,760
- Malcolm, that is my job! That's my job.
- That is what is happening.
233
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,200
- Well, you're doing it very fucking well.
- There are going to be big changes.
234
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,280
Get used to it.
We'll announce all this at the reshuffle.
235
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,799
With all due respect, Julius,
236
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,800
the reshuffle is the business ofthe PM alone,
which means that that is my business.
237
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,800
- It is my remit.
- No, Malcolm. Historically, yes.
238
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:35,040
- But now it's part ofmy remit.
- I'll tell you what we should do.
239
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,440
Why don't we just get our remits out,
slap them on the table
240
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,959
and see who's got the biggest fucking remit?
241
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,759
Malcolm,
we need to talk about accommodation.
242
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,760
- We need to talk about access...
- Why am I talking about accommodation?
243
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,880
It's a 21-man department, we can't fit upstairs,
this is ideal.
244
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,679
- 21 men in here?
- Not just in here, no.
245
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:58,680
This office will be perfectly useable,
for not only myself...
246
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,999
- That's not an office.
- Yes, it is.
247
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,000
- It's a pantry.
- We will refit this out as a working office.
248
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:08,039
- Julius, it's a fucking pantry. Look.
- So what?
249
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,040
What we'll do is we kick through this, bang,
straight into the PM's private study.
250
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,320
What are people going to say when they come
in and they say, ''Where is Julius Nicholson?''
251
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,559
- I'm here.
- He's in the pantry.
252
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,079
- Here I am.
- They're going to ridicule you.
253
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:26,080
- They're not going to ridicule me.
- ''Where's the bankrupt in the cupboard?''
254
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,159
Why are you behaving like a complete prick?
255
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:34,079
I'm supposed to polish you up, burnish you up.
256
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:37,080
Then when you get your big break
and you're on fucking Call My Bluff...
257
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:41,320
Come back in here! Oi! Come back in here.
Julius! Get the fuck back in here!
258
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:46,319
Please!
259
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,320
Please, come back. Let's be civilised.
Let's be civilised about it.
260
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,560
Let's be civilised, come on. Let's be civilised
about it. Go over to your fucking pantry, right?
261
00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,440
- This is a perfectly useable office space.
- Let's just cool it for one minute, OK?
262
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,800
Just fucking cool it,
shut up and fucking listen to me.
263
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,520
This is a Georgian door.
Do you know how long this has been here?
264
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,880
- No, I don't.
- Since the time ofElizabeth I, at least.
265
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,159
That does not open. Look at it. Try opening it.
266
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,160
This is the kind ofstuffyou like.
Character building, team building.
267
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,639
Try to open the door.
268
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,640
- Come on, Julius. It's my fucking pantry.
- It's not your pantry. It's my fucking pantry.
269
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,719
I was with Emma. We went for a drink.
270
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,239
That's still your opposition bit ofskirt, is it?
271
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:34,240
Yeah. Don't say ''bit ofskirt''.
It makes you sound like SidJames.
272
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,719
- Morning, Minister.
- Offto the 8:30?
273
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,159
Yep, into the house ofthe grass snakes.
274
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:43,160
- Grass snakes are actually quite benign.
- The cobras.
275
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,640
Can you try, really try,
to get the goss on the reshuffle?
276
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,520
I don't really care how desperate you look
at this point, so don't pussyfoot around.
277
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:55,159
- OK, I'll really give it a go this time.
- Thank you.
278
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,160
- Up all night doing invitations for my party?
- They're out. Don't worry.
279
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:02,320
I am desperate, but I don't want
to look desperate, like Glenn.
280
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,599
Oh, God, here we go again. Like Glenn, what?
281
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,600
I was just saying,
the last time you saw a snatch was...
282
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,039
- Basic Instinct.
- That's good.
283
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,599
That's the repartee I need with the PM's wife.
284
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,600
It's that final tsssss! That's the bit I'm missing.
285
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,720
Yeah, well, I think you could drop
the snatch material with the PM's wife.
286
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,120
OK, between the snatch and the Euro
there's some sort ofhappy medium.
287
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,520
Morning, morning, morning.
What's the story in Bala-fucking-mory?
288
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,720
Who can tell me the issues ofthe moment?
First to answer wins a big, massive boat.
289
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,200
Lisa says Nicholson is squelching his way
through the building, so we're on stand-by.
290
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,760
- Can't we just kill him, shoot him?
- Fire him at a wall from a cannon?
291
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,359
Just a wall two feet away.
292
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,360
I know. We force-feed him with a mixture
ofgarlic and Dettol in cuppa soup.
293
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,119
What about the old red-hot poker up the arse?
Edward II?
294
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,799
I'd like to nail him to a tree through the head,
295
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,800
and watch lice slowly crawl over his body,
eating offthe flesh in a slow and painful death.
296
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,919
But that rather bitter anomaly aside,
297
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,920
most ofthe responses to the Warwick report
press cuttings were pretty positive.
298
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:19,680
- Hello, Julius.
- Morning, Julius.
299
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,080
- I'll just do that. Right.
- Would you like a cup oftea?
300
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,680
Oh, no, no. I'm bouncing,
so what I'm going to suggest, ifI may...
301
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,359
- Cuppa soup?
- Not for me, no.
302
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,719
I'm hoping to go over the ASBOs.
303
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,720
Are there any ASBOs processed on this site?
Actioned or processed on this site?
304
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,480
No, this is the ministry.
Everything is done over at Richmond Terrace.
305
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,479
(Julius) Right. I'll just get my pen out.
306
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,480
- Richmond...House, is it?
- Terrace.
307
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:54,679
OK, so that... Well...
308
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,680
- We've been bouncing around about this.
- I'd like to have seen that.
309
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:03,400
We've got five Whitehall departments having
some sort ofimpact upon the ASBO process.
310
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,840
We've got Lord Chancellor's, DWP,
Department ofHealth.
311
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,920
We take those away. So...
312
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:16,120
out ofthe five, let's put three with you,
so out ofthe five, three are over there.
313
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:20,119
Glenn's got custody ofthree for the time being.
314
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,559
Two, four, six billion pounds there.
315
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,479
I take two away, so they come back to me.
316
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,479
I put that four billion
straight through to the Treasury.
317
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,959
We're left with the one.
318
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,960
That's a two billion pound figure which we
spread across the money-saving departments.
319
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,400
That means it's good news for Number Ten,
for the Treasury and for Hugh Abbot.
320
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,399
So, that's where we are. I will...
321
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,400
- I shall leave that with you.
- Interesting thought.
322
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,600
Within a few sort of...
323
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,479
I guess...months,
324
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,159
we'll have something concrete to put to you.
325
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,199
- See you later.
- Bye.
326
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,159
- Erm...yes.
- Where were we?
327
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,160
He really is... This is dangerous.
He is actually unhinged.
328
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,679
He's just relatively harmless. He's...
329
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,680
No, he's not harmless,
because this job's my livelihood.
330
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,680
My children's shoes depend now
on having a madman suggest, you know...
331
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,159
Do your children need two shoes each?
332
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,160
He is not getting anywhere near
my fucking pantry, I'll tell you that.
333
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,320
That door is staying
as open as a fat whore's bonehole.
334
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,399
Sorry I'm late. Traffic was a bitch.
335
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,319
No offence, Robyn.
336
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,479
How about the 8:30? How did that go?
337
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:33,480
- Very quick. It was in and out.
- Did you quiz him about the reshuffle?
338
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,759
I didn't get a chance.
339
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,760
- I did ask you specifically to do that.
- Hugh, entirely my fault.
340
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,800
Robyn, give me a print-out
and let me have a look at it.
341
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,080
Question Time's up the Swanee.
What the fuck do you have to do to get on TV?
342
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,840
Have sex with a pig? Soil yourself?
I don't know the minimum requirements.
343
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,680
- Terri, Terri, hi, how's it going?
- He's gone, Hugh.
344
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:57,079
Oh, dear.
345
00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:00,080
Oh, I am so sorry, Terri. I really am.
346
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,960
That's... That's really... That's just... Blimey.
347
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,280
OK? Are you OK now?
348
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,959
(Shuffling papers)
349
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,960
(Sobbing)
350
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:18,479
Yeah. Yep.
351
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,480
Listen. What I was calling about,
we'll forget about that.
352
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,079
- There's no need to talk about that now.
- OK.
353
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,079
Right. Question Time's bitten the dust,
354
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,080
and I was going to ask you ifyou could ring
some ofyour broadsheet contacts
355
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:34,040
and make absolutely sure
that they're all coming to my party tonight.
356
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,400
I just wanted to take the opportunity
ofsaying I really am sorry
357
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,439
that it got awkward with Hugh.
358
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,440
- I don't like lying to the minister. I don't.
- I do understand, all this sneaking about.
359
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,000
It'll make people think we're having an affair.
Or something.
360
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,440
- You're joking?
- Well...
361
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,920
- They don't think we're having an affair?
- No, no, no.
362
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,679
God!
363
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:02,719
(Sigh)
364
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,720
- It's a grave matter, isn't it?
- Not a good day to bury bad news.
365
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:08,799
- (Sniggering) No, minister, it's not.
- Oh, fuck!
366
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,279
- Julius, what a surprise!
- What a surprise.
367
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,280
Thank goodness you didn't stumble on us
burning a load ofmoney on a bonfire.
368
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,519
Well done on the chat we had this morning.
369
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,479
The AIU are going to produce a paper
in the next 10 to 12 days.
370
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,480
- So raise yourselves a glass. Happi-ness.
- Brilliant.
371
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,440
Right, well, I'll see you at this Treasury bash,
I suppose.
372
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,800
- What?
- The Treasury bash. Horseguards Parade.
373
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,840
It's Paul Webster, US Economics Secretary
ofState. He's unexpectedly coming over.
374
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,319
The Treasury
are hosting a bash for him this evening.
375
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,039
Don't tell me you've not been invited.
376
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,040
Yes, no, I have. It's just that I'm actually
bashing myselftonight.
377
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,840
So you...you've got your own bash here?
378
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:52,839
- Uh...yeah.
- Yeah.
379
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,679
Ah! Back up, everybody, put the brakes on.
380
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,680
We've got a bash happening here tonight
and at the Treasury?
381
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:02,120
Yes. It sounds complicated
but I like to maximise my face.
382
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,159
OK, well, how many have you invited?
383
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,160
Erm... All in,
I think we've invited about 150 people.
384
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,000
- How many replies have you had?
- About, I'd say, maybe halfa side ofA4.
385
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:17,079
Figures, figures, figures.
386
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:18,359
- 12?
- 12?
387
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:21,360
We're expecting
to do quite a lot ofbusiness on the door.
388
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,359
I bet you're feeling a bit argh!
389
00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:26,360
No, no, I'm pretty relaxed about it.
I'm feeling sort ofhmm...
390
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:33,080
- Well, it's quite a healthy turnout.
- Healthy turnout?
391
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,159
This is an ill turnout!
392
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,160
I don't recognise any ofthese people:
this kebab shop owner,
393
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,719
some child like a butcher's apprentice,
394
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,720
and who's she, this Myra Hindley woman?
395
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:45,879
Look, will you stop whingeing?
396
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,880
When this Prime Minister
and Imelda fucking Marcos have gone,
397
00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:52,119
some ofthese hacks will cease to be pond life.
398
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:54,999
Just go in and ingratiate yourself, all right?
399
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,000
Anorak. The PM told Geoffto get a life,
but he's waiting for the Treasury to clear it.
400
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:02,879
Ka-tsss!
401
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,880
AndJulius Nicholson says, ''I'm sorry, but
I think you'll find you're sitting in my seat.''
402
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:12,440
And this was to God,
as I mentioned in the setup.
403
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,119
Anyway, have a lovely time.
404
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:17,959
A fiver ifyou set offthe sprinklers.
405
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,960
Put Hugh in a room ofpeople, he just clicks.
Sounds like West Side Story.
406
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:23,639
(Clicking fingers)
407
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,039
- So who do you work for?
- Online Telegraph.
408
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:29,040
I update the subscription-only pages
on the website.
409
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,200
- It's a bit dull, really.
- I'm sorry, who are you?
410
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,479
I'm not a journalist.
I'm just one ofOlly's mates.
411
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,480
- Right.
- Erm...
412
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:41,839
Angela, hello.
413
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,840
- Very nice to see you. Thanks for coming.
- So, what about the demotion?
414
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,639
Sorry, what demotion is that?
415
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,640
Everyone knows that you're not sending anyone
to Tucker's 8:30s any more.
416
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:56,120
Sorry, you're saying that we're not sending
anyone to the 8:30s any more?
417
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,479
Yes. That's what I'm saying.
418
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,480
Yes, yes, we...
419
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,760
Glenn, the 8:30s?
420
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,320
Well, just because erm...
421
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,680
we're not going...to the 8:30s any more,
422
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,520
doesn't mean to say
it isn't normal interdepartmental practice.
423
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,959
There just isn't enough room
to get everybody there,
424
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,960
and it has to occur on a rotational basis.
425
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,440
- Are you getting all this?
- Yes, thanks. It'll be on the website.
426
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,000
Why didn't you tell me, Glenn? What
possible reason did you have? You saw me.
427
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,400
- I was swinging like a colostomy bag.
- Oh, Hugh, grow up.
428
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,960
Stuffhappens in this department every day.
I can't tell you everything.
429
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:47,280
Since when, Glenn,
does the Secretary ofState for Social Affairs
430
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,759
have to find out from the fucking press
431
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,760
that every morning at 8:30 I'm being fisted
up to the gallbladder by a bald man?
432
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,400
- Oh, yes...
- Good night. Thanks for coming.
433
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,440
Right, guys. Thanks very much for staying on.
434
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,759
- Julius Nicholson, right?
- Yep.
435
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,760
Blue sky thinker? Ex-business guru?
436
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,999
- Dog rapist?
- Quite possibly.
437
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,959
He's being a nuisance to me.
438
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,960
He also has got plans
to squeeze your department so hard
439
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,000
you'll be lucky ifyou're left with one bollock
between the three ofyou.
440
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:25,839
So all I am doing here
441
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,039
is asking you formally
442
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,040
ifyou will join me in a little bit ofa circle jerk.
443
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,240
- Circle jerk? What...?
- A lot ofguys in a circle all...you know.
444
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,800
Well, I assume you don't mean literally.
Do you? Presumably?
445
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,080
Tony Mack in the lobby, you know him, right?
Call him. Now.
446
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,200
Tell him that you're getting it that Nicholson
is going to get Foreign Sec in the reshuffle.
447
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:52,080
Tony, hi. How's it dangling? Yeah?
448
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,200
I want to run something past you. I wonder
ifyou're hearing what I've been hearing,
449
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,680
that Nicholson's
going to be getting Foreign Sec?
450
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,760
Hugh, who is your top mate
in the Commentariat?
451
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,799
- Colin Sykes.
- Colin Sykes?
452
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,159
- That's your top mate?
- Yeah.
453
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,160
- Call him up.
- Hi, Colin, yes, it's Hugh Abbot. How are you?
454
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,199
Got a decent backhand yet, have you?
455
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,200
Hugh. Hugh Abbot.
We played tennis together. Yeah. Yeah!
456
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,840
Probably bollocks, but that's what we thought
whenJim was up for Home Secretary.
457
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,880
Next thing, he's given up the Colombian
marching powder and taken the sacraments.
458
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,599
Foreign Secretary
is exactly where he should be.
459
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,999
- He's a smart guy.
- (Mobile ringing)
460
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,000
Cath. Yeah, Cath,
I don't know where that's come from.
461
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,440
- At one point, I called him a dog rapist.
- Stonewall them!
462
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:41,279
I'll talk to the boss, right?
463
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,280
And now I'm going to phone
the prime minister ofGreat Britain.
464
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,000
All right, boss? I'm sorry to interrupt you, but
we're getting hit on the blind side down here.
465
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,280
Julius Nicholson. Our phones are white hot.
Stuffabout him becoming Foreign Sec.
466
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,679
Is that...? Am I out ofthe loop here?
467
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,680
The person that's most likely to be getting his
mates to put this around is Julius Nicholson.
468
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,400
You put so much hope in them.
They always let you down.
469
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,600
I think maybe Julius needs
to have his wings clipped a bit, you know.
470
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,479
Do you want to do it?
471
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:20,480
I think you're right.
I think it's better that I just have a little chat.
472
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,320
I'll see you in the morning. Night.
473
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,399
Fucking brilliant.
474
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,679
Eight missed messages.
475
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,079
Sleep lightly.
476
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,080
- He's incredible.
- Colin Sykes didn't know who I was.
477
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,400
- I don't know who Colin Sykes is.
- Swings and roundabouts.
478
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:43,040
- Who am I?
- We'll find out tomorrow, won't we?
479
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,480
Morning, morning, morning.
What's the story in Bala-fucking-mory?
480
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,039
Reshuffle.
481
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:52,040
You win a year's supply ofcondoms.
Which in your case is four.
482
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:53,839
Anything?
483
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,840
Fatty's just been in. He just managed
to squeeze past the policeman.
484
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,679
Ifyou were promoted, good for you.
485
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,039
Ifit was a relegation, hard cheese.
486
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,040
Ifhe dumps me,
I'm going to find that wife ofhis.
487
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,200
I'll click her
right through the fucking head. Boom!
488
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:09,999
(Phone ringing)
489
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,279
How do you like this jib, darling? Bang!
490
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:15,280
- That noise is the phone.
- I know. I'm in denial.
491
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,520
But ifyou don't know whether or not you were
promoted, you were fucking relegated.
492
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,999
Great. OK, bye-bye.
493
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,759
He wants me to go in.
I just hope it isn't farmers.
494
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:28,759
I don't want to have to pretend
to be nice to farmers.
495
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,199
- Knock it out the park.
- Yeah. Good luck.
496
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:32,799
Welcome back to Robyn
497
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,800
from the all-new, totally revamped
Department ofSocial Affairs and Citizenship.
498
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:43,400
I've got no fucking idea what that means,
but it spells SAC!
499
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,480
Thank you. Thank you very much.
No autographs, please.
500
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,280
(Malcolm) SAC are being turfed out
oftheir tatty old building,
501
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,920
to be replaced by Julius Nicholson
and his Advanced Implementation Unit.
502
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:58,240
On to the broadcast schedule for today.
Colin did Today, which was lovely.
503
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,240
Sweet FA for The World At One,
please, as usual.
504
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,439
You know the lines. Most women ever.
505
00:29:05,489 --> 00:29:10,039
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
46580
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.