All language subtitles for The Middle s08e19 The Confirmation.eng

[Crow caws]

So I ran into Reverend Hayver
at the Frugal Hoosier.

Nothing good ever comes
after that sentence.

[Sighs] Yeah, well,
he not-so-subtly reminded me

that we never had Brick confirmed.

We were supposed to have him
confirmed two years ago, Mike.

In the eyes of God, that's pretty bad.

Well, I seem to be fine so far.

That's debatable.
So, did you push him off?

Well, I tried to, but he cornered me,

and I started making up excuses.

"Oh, I was sick."

"There was a whole thing with my mom."

Look, I went down a road,
and long story short,

there's a ceremony next week,
and Brick's doin' it.

What?! I'm not prepared!

How am I gonna learn
all that stuff in a week?

You stopped driving me to Sunday school.

You told me to watch 15 minutes

of "Hour of Power" and let you sleep.

Don't worry. I got ahead of it.

I already called Reverend TimTom.

Now, he doesn't do privates,
but we're in luck

'cause this week he's hosting
the Wilderness Jesus Jam.

You lost me at "wilderness."

[Sighs]

Okay, look,

you know I would never break
a confidence,

but I'm gonna break my
no-confidence-breaking rule

just this once and confide in you

'cause I think our friend
really needs our help.

I think Lexie hasn't been
herself lately because...

- She's crushing on Axl.
- How did you know that?

Oh, please, every time
he comes over to do laundry,

she wearthat top that
shows off her shoulders.

Plus, she does that move
where she piles her hair up

and lets it fall, like...

Nobody takes that many tries
to put their hair up.

She knows where her hair is.

Wow. That is impressive!

Your straight-dar is really good.

Practically a superpower.

That's how I know you have feelings...

[whispering] for Sean Donahue.

What?!

First of all, shut up. I do not.

And second of all,
how did you know that?

Anytime someone mentions his name,

you get this goofy smile on your face.

Whenever he came to your house
in high school,

you took your retainer out.

And you told me you liked him
that night we tried wine.

Okay, well, that's a conversation

for when we're old enough to drink wine.

Right now we need to focus on Lexie

'cause she needs
some serious cheering-up.

- You've come to the right place.
- Mm-hmm.

What level are we talking about?

Well, she tried to flirt
with Axl over spring break,

and he doesn't even know she's alive.

I mean, think about it,
the girl's gotten everything

she's ever wanted in her whole life,

and the one thing she can't have is Axl?

[Shudders] That's pretty sad.

Wow. That is sad.

No question we got to go big.

[Smooching]

Mm, I'm really glad
you decided to kiss me.

Me too. This is awesome.

You're awesome.

Let's not tell anyone.

What?

I mean [chuckles] I want to tell people.

Duh. Why wouldn't I?

Look, it... it's just... with April,

my family got all... up in my business,

and if I tell them about this,

they're gonna think it's too soon,
my parents will get all judgy.

Next thing you know, I'll spite-marry
you, and we'll end up divorced.

Trust me. We'll be much happier
if we just keep this a secret.

Plus my dad just made the final payment
on my annulment, so there's that.

No, I get it.

I'm just bummed.

I'm with such a cute guy,
and I can't tell anyone?

Well, you can tell that guy.

I like him.

- We like each other.
- Don't care.

That was not satisfying.

All right, happy campers,

grab a bunk, and let's get our Bible on.

Uh...

I was here first.

No, I believe I was here first.

Would you mind taking the bottom bunk?

I'm scared of enclosed spaces.

Well, I'm scared of being crushed

in a bizarre bunk accident.

Great. Now I'm scared of that, too,

which means I've got the enclosed spaces

plus your thing, so...

- [Chord plays]
-
It's the Wilderness Jesus Jam

That's important.

Okay, we're back from our bathroom break

and ready to play
some more Jesus Jeopardy.

Once again, our categories are...

"Saint or Sinner?"
"Diseases of the Bible,"

"Potent Parables," and "Who Begat Whom?"

Whoever wins this round
gets the staff of Moses.

[Chuckling] Now, that's not gonna
help you to part the Red Sea,

but it will snag you 30 minutes
of computer time.

All websites to be approved
by yours truly.

[Stomps foot]

All righty.

Brick is in the lead
and sniffing victory,

but Kevin has control of the board.

Uh, I'll take
"Saint or Sinner?" for $300.

He was a sinner, and who is Judas?

"Judas" is correct!

Uh, I'll take "Diseases
of the Bible" for $600.

That is correct, Brick,
and seeing as our time is up,

with 2,000 points,
you are our reigning champion.

But... he didn't answer
in the form of a question.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Who is holding Moses' staff?

"Who" is me.

Who is a cheater?

"Who" is you.

Okay, permission to drop
the "Who is" structure

'cause I think
it's kind of run its course.

I'm not a cheater!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

I don't know what's going on,

but you two have been going
at it like Cain and Abel

since you got here.

Okay, while the rest of us

go on the Footprints in the Mud
nature hike,

I want the two of you to stay here

and figure out how to get along.

And if you happen to write
a song about tolerance,

that would be great.

I could use it up in Clarksdale.

A lot of hubbub about who
can use what bathroom lately.

Frankie: When Sue and Brad
set out to cheer someone up,

nobody can stop them,

not even the person
they're trying to cheer up.

Do I love this?

- Yes. - Yes.

Am I a rainbow? Am I dolphins?

Am I America? Am I my parents?!

[Buzzer]

That's the pizza.

Am I pizza?

Closer.

[Whistling]

Ha!

Come on, Lexie.

We're re-enacting the "Friends" opening.

- Whoo!
- [Laughs]

Lexie, where are you?

You're being such a Phoebe right now!

- Hey!
- Brad: That's it.

No more sleepovers, no more tacos,

and no more re-enacting
the opening sequence

- from beloved sitcoms.
- Oh, thank God.

This is a dating ambush,

and we are first responders.

Ooh, that sounded kind of scary.

Trust us, the best way
to get over somebody

is to meet somebody new.

And your date is waiting
at the bar for us right now.

- Oh. No. Guys, no, no, no.
- Come on. - Yes.

- Let's go. Come on.
- No, no, no. No, no, no, guys.

It's not... necessary.

Come on!

- [Sighs]
- [Door closes]

[Sarcastically] Thanks a lot.

I've missed Swimming with the
Savior and Canoeing with Christ

'cause you won't admit you started it.

Oh, I'll admit I started it

when I start it, which I did not do.

Now, if you don't mind,
I'm getting confirmed next week,

and I need to brush up on 2,000
years' worth of Bible facts.

[Sighs]

Hey, that's my Bible!

Uh, no, it is not.

I wrote "BH" right here.

It doesn't say "BH." It says "BF."

No, it says "BH"... Brick Heck.

No, it says "BF"... Blake Ferguson.

Oh, my God.

Blake Ferguson?

The Blake Ferguson?!

We're practically brothers!

Hey!

What are you talking about?

Uh, it's me... Brick.

Brick Heck!

We were switched at birth!

I spent the first month
of my life with your family,

and you spent the first month
of your life with my family.

Why aren't you more excited about this?

You're acting like you've
never heard this story before.

You've never heard this story before.

You're lying.

It is very un-cool to lie

and triply un-cool to do it
at Wilderness Jesus Jam!

I'm not lying.

Your name is Blake Ferguson.

You live in Orson Heights.

Your parents are
Charlie and Anna Ferguson.

You were born October 15, 2001,

at Orson County Hospital,
but my mom stole your mom's room

and my dad got distracted
by a sports game on TV

and they accidentally took you home!

That did not happen!

My parents would never let that happen!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I don't know what the problem
is here, but whatever it is,

I'm sure the Rovin' Rev can help.

Ha. We were switched at birth.

Uh, it was a month
before anyone figured it out.

I assumed he knew all this,

but apparently,
his parents never told him,

and he does not
seem to be taking it well.

[Chord plays]

[Sighs]

I don't have a song for that.

[Sighs]

When's Brick getting home?

I think tomorrow.

- [Door opens]
- There he is! - Hey!

How was the Jesus Jam?

Brick: It was good.

I learned about the plague of boils,

I memorized the Apostles' Creed,

and participated in some rather
ribald nighttime bunk chat,

where I was informed that third base

is quite a bit further than I thought.

[Coughs]

But... you're never
gonna believe who I met.

[Doorbell rings]

How dare you let your son tell our son

they were switched at birth!

[Chuckles nervously]

Axl decided he wasn't too
concerned about Lexie's date.

After all, he was a friend
of Brad and Sue's.

But he thought he'd
swing by just for fun.

[Axl whistling]

- What?! No, it's not.
- [Chuckles]

[Sighs] Oh, my gosh!

- Hi, guys. What are you doing here?
- Axl.

Just having some dinner
with some friends.

There's no extra chairs.
We already asked. So, bye!

[Chuckles] What's the rush?

I'm sorry. Do I know you?

Hey. I'm one of Brad's friends.

Oh...

Wow, yes. You must be
a theater major, huh?

Acting... that's a tough business.

Hey, what did the theater major
say when he got his degree?

"You want fries with that?"

'Cause he couldn't get a good job.

I don't find that funny.

Actually, I'm a business major.

Oh.

- So am I.
- Oh, yeah?

I'm surprised I haven't seen you
around the business library.

Well, that's not because
I didn't know there was one.

I've been very busy starring
on the football team.

I didn't get your name.

Chester Lansing.

- Oh! The guy who killed two people.
- Chester: No.

- Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was his name.
- [Chuckles nervously]

He got off 'cause they could
never find the murder weapon,

so he's still out there...

somewhere.

Sue: Well...

this has been so awesome catching up,

but we gotta go, so...

Yeah, we're going back to the apartment

to watch a movie and have a nightcap.

And by "nightcap," I mean fruit
juice in champagne glasses.

Mm-hmm.

So, buh-bye!

[Sighs] We sure we want to watch a movie

on a school night?

So, you see, Blake,

it was kind of the hospital's screw-up

because they gave me the room

that your mom was supposed to get.

[Chuckling] That's why they thought
there were two baby Fergusons.

Hmm.

My mom says you took her room
'cause it was nicer.

Well, yes, technically,

but we didn't ask for the room,

so what we did was wrong,
but it wasn't bad.

See, there are
different levels of wrong.

This is what we call "light wrong."

If I had stayed your mom,

I would have explained this to you.

What's important to remember, Blake,

is that the authorities determined

that we were not to blame.

It was these people.

Well, not exactly people.

Actually, it was this one's fault

for watching the football game

and not paying attention
to which baby was his.

Well, shame on me for expecting a mother

to recognize her own baby.

It's not called father's intuition.

Fathers are supposed to watch
the game and smoke cigars,

which is what I did.

Well, we don't like
to dwell on the past.

Seems like you do 'cause
you drove all the way

across town to do it. [Chuckles]

People who steal babies
shouldn't throw stones.

[Exhales sharply]

But as long as the cat's out of the bag,

you might as well have this.

It's your baby book.

It is?

You kept a book? Of me?

Wow.

You gave me a one-month birthday party?

Well, you were our first.

We went a little overboard.

I know most parents don't
celebrate one-month birthdays.

Some don't even
celebrate actual birthdays.

[Sighs]

So do you have my baby book?

Of course, but...

our basement recently flooded, and...

shoot, Mike, was Blake's baby book

with the panda on the cover

in the box that we lost in the flood?

- It was.
- [Sighs]

And all those home movies
we took of him? - Yep.

Please tell me the portrait we had
painted of him wasn't... - Same box.

Oh.

Brick: "His favorite book
is 'Good Night, Gorilla'.

Every time we read it to him,
he kicks his little legs."

And here's a picture of you
reading it to me!

What was my favorite book?

Yeah, we'd love to know.

Well, yes, of course.

You loved...

Loni Anderson's "My Life in High Heels."

I skipped the Burt Reynolds parts.

[Chuckles] Too racy.

That's the kind of mom I am...
overprotective.

[Growls, chuckles]

Brick: "November 12, 2001.

It snowed today.

We cozied up in the reading nook

with our beautiful boy

and listened to classical music."

I had a reading nook?

I listened to classical music?

You know, I've always loved
classical music,

but my "dad" calls it dentist music.

Wow. So much of who I am
is finally making sense to me.

Well, there's one more thing
we have for you.

Mr. Ribbits.

Come on!

We have one more thing for you, as well.

You loved...

this Colts towel.

Uh... are you sure about that, Frankie?

I don't remember Blake
liking my lucky Colts towel

that if I'm not holding it
when they play,

the Colts don't win.

I think what he really loved

was your commemorative
Royal Family plate.

Are you sure, Mike?

Because that plate
is worth a lot of money,

and this towel is worthless.

Yeah, but I remember early on,

we taught the boy
that there are some things

that are more important than money,

like magical towels
that help the Colts win.

[Sniffs]

I like it.

Well...

we've got a lot of packing to do.

Yes, uh, my husband's
taking a sabbatical

from the university,

and we're going
on a month-long family trip

to visit the birthplaces
of great American authors.

[Whimpers]

Let's go, son.

[Sighs]

Brick!

Those are nice socks.

Do you know if they
make them for guys, or...?

Axl! Can you help me with
the fruit juice, please?

What are you doing? You're acting crazy.

Am I? I'm not the one who's kissing
one guy and dating another.

What am I supposed to do?
You don't want to tell anyone.

I don't even like Chester.

Oh, of course you do.

He's exactly like me, only better.

He's Better Axl.

He's better-looking,
he's better at business,

he's better at being tall.

Why are you acting so crazy?

You know I like you.

That's the problem...

you like me, so you're gonna
like him even more.

You might like generic ice cream,

but if someone gives you
Haagen-Dazs, you're gonna take it.

I didn't think you
were the jealous type.

Only when it comes to myself,
which he is.

Brad, what are we gonna do?

Lexie's practically throwing
herself at Axl.

I know. It's so sad.

When someone's not into you,
you have to move on.

You got to look at yourself
in the mirror and say,

"Ricky Martin is happily married
with two kids.

It's not worth the stamps, Bradley."

We got to get her away from him.

Lexie, could I see you
in the bathroom for a...

[speaks gibberish]

[Chuckles]

Okay, look!

I am trying to help my friend here,

who, for some reason,
finds you attractive,

and you lurking around here

isn't making anything any easier.

So you need to go! Now!

[Sighs]

Beat it. Tsst!

Well, you heard her. Hit the bricks.

I think she was talking to you.

It looks that way,
but she's got a lazy eye.

Okay, I'm gonna level with you.

I like Lexie and Lexie likes me,
but it's a secret.

So bottom line, I'm gonna ask you

to do something that I would never do,

but you're better than me,
so maybe you'll do it.

I need you to leave.

Okay.

Seriously?

Wow. You really are better than me.

You guys already have a thing going on.

I don't want to mess with it.

I get it.

[Chuckles]

I never thought I could love
anyone more than myself.

You know, Lexie deserves a guy like you,

or a guy just a little bit worse.

[Chuckles]

[Door opens, closes]

[Chuckling]

[Knock on door]

[Groans]

[Sighs]

Listen up, Ches... ter.

Sean.

Hey, Axl, I was just...

[Sighs] Okay, uh, I know this is crazy,

but I was on my way to Nashville
to visit a med school,

and I realized the last time I was here,

I kind of choked and I didn't
really say what I wanted to say

and I thought, "You know what,
life's too short.

If you have feelings for
someone, you should tell them."

So [sighs] here I am.

No, no, no, no, no.

I think the last time
we were in my Winnebago,

you were saying you weren't
looking for a relationship,

so I think you should
just stick with that.

Um, maybe.

Is she here?

She is, but, uh,
she's kind of seeing someone.

[Chuckles]

Really?

Yeah.

Huh.

[Scoffs] I'm such an idiot.

I-I should have said something
the last time I was herebut, no.

Whoo! I'm a Donahue!

Always got to do the right thing.

Never want to ruffle any feathers.

[Chuckles] Sorry to be
the bearer of bad news.

No, man. I'm glad you told me.

And the... the thing is with
med school, I am gonna be...

Good luck with that!

[Sighs]

Where did Chester go?

Oh, he had to go to his
methadone appointment.

- Axl, he is not a...
- [Knock on door]

- Whoa, I wouldn't answer that.
- Unh! It might be Chester!

What... What if it's the bad Chester,
you know, the serial-killer one?

And FYI, your doorman's
not doing a very good job.

There's been a lot of
foot traffic tonight.

Hi, is Lexie here?

Oh, my God!

Is there no other woman in the world?!

That's it. I can't take it anymore.

Listen up!

Lexie and I are dating, okay?!

She's mine! All mine! Tell the others!

What?!

Shut... up.

I'm just gonna put your
chemistry notebook right here.

[Door closes]

Okay, wait, I knew that Lexie
liked Axl, but I didn't know...

I'm so sorry. I was going to tell you,

but Axl wanted to keep it
a secret for just a little bit.

So...

my best friend and my brother...

are dating.

[Crying]

I'm not upset.

I promise.

I'm not upset. I'm happy.

But I also want to throw up
a little bit.

But, you know, a happy throw-up.

Like, a good throw-up.

[Whimpers]

- [Sighs]
- That's your second one.

That's your second one.

[Sighs] I'm sorry, but you saw it.

He was a perfect fit for the Fergusons.

Frankie.

No, it's true.

I used to think the tragedy was that

we didn't have Brick for
the first month of his life,

and now I'm starting to think

it's that we had him
for the last 14 years.

Isn't he older than that now?

[Sighs] I don't know.

Add that to the list of tragedies.

I just feel bad for Brick

that he's been stuck with us
for all these years.

No baby books, no favorite
stuffed animals.

We've kept him alive.
That's all we've really done for him.

Maybe he would have been happier
with the Fergusons.

Well, you don't want to start
pulling on that thread

'cause there's a good chance
we'd all be happier somewhere else.

Can I just say I think Brick
rocked his confirmation?

Yeah, you did way better than me
on the Apostles' Creed. [Chuckles]

Since you thought
it was about Apollo Creed,

I'd say the bar was pretty low.

I am so glad we are all gonna
be together in Heaven.

Not if I freeze your head.

Axl, do not start talking about
freezing my head again.

We are all gonna be in Heaven together.

Yeah, me, Mom, Dad, Brick,
and your headless body.

Ohh! Axl, you know what,
I am surprised No, you know what,

- you are even graduating.
- If you would just accept the idea

- You are a child! Childish, childish...
- of being a headsicle,

we wouldn't keep having
this conversation over and over...

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

See, this is why Brick would rather
live with the Fergusons.

They're probably at a classical
concert in a park right now

eating fancy cheese out of a basket,

not trying to freeze
each other's body parts.

I don't want to live with the Fergusons.

You don't?

I've been thinking about it,

and they're actually kind of boring.

You guys make life interesting.

Besides, no great author

ever came from a functional family.

You people are gonna make great
characters in my book someday.

Okay, but if you have a famous book,

you got to pay me for my story.

Obviously, I'm gonna be
the star of it...

"My Hero Brother and the Bodyless Dork."

- Mom!
- Mike.

Axl, your sister has a head.

- Yeah, she's got a head right now.
- No, I have a head.

- I agree she's got a head.
- No, no, no, no, no. I have a head.

So on Brick's confirmation day,

the most important thing he confirmed

was that he wanted
to be with our family.

God knows why.

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