All language subtitles for The Middle s08e18 The Par-tay.eng

[Crow caws]

Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

How's your spaghetti?

Good. How's yours?

It's good.

Brick! How's yours?

Good!

[Vehicle approaches]

Dad! Code blue! There's a truck!

False alarm. just movers.

Frankie: After the basement flooded,
Mike jerry-rigged the pipes,

but we needed a professional
to come and look at it.

We were looking for
a plumber off the clock...

someone who'd fix it for
20 bucks and a case of beer.

Dad, this is not a drill!
There's a van coming this way!

It's a plumber! It's a plumber!

You're sure?

It has a picture of a dripping faucet

and a self-effacing cartoon of a man

with his pants pulled down
just enough to show crack.

Bingo! We have plumber!

He's coming from the Norwoods' driveway.

He's going fast! Hurry!

Stall him!

[Tires screech]

Hi. Mike Heck.

You know we only got seven more
months of community service?

I'm actually gonna miss this.

Okay. Ugh. It's your turn
to do the udder.

I did the udder last time.

Fine. Then you do the butt.

So...

hard to believe you're gonna be
done with college soon.

I bet there's things you want to do

that you didn't even get to.

[Sighs] Never Saran Wrapped
someone's room.

Anything else?

Eh, never tied someone up
and left them in an elevator.

That's a felony.

Anything else?

Like maybe inviting
your brother up to campus

for a weekend of fun,
like you said you were gonna do

for the past four years but never did?

That's not true! You came to visit.

Once. And it was to help you study.

We didn't have fun.

Well, we're having fun
right now, little buddy.

Court-mandated fun!

Come on, Axl.

Look, no offense... I just don't want

to be hanging around with a 12-year-old.

I'm 15.

What?! Really?

Okay, fine. You can come hang.

We need tiny hands
to feel inside the walls

and find out
what's running around in there.

[Groans]

[Knock on door]

Oh, hey, Bill. How you doing?

Good. I'm good. I'm doing good.

Good.

Yeah. So, um,
just talked to Ron Donahue.

He said, uh, he saw my plumber
going into your house?

Oh. Yeah. Remember that pipe
busted a month ago?

It was still giving me trouble,
but Herb fixed it up great.

Oh. Okay.

So you made an appointment
with Herb, and then he came out?

No... I saw him leaving your house,

and I just flagged him down.

That the way you hire people
now, Mike? You flag 'em down?

Well, he was done at your house.

- You poached my plumber!
- Aw, come on!

Come on, where? Where?

To a place where it's okay to
poach other people's plumbers?

Look, he was off the clock.

There's a way to do things, Mike.

You look at the magnet on the fridge,

and you call the plumber.

That's it. That's why
they give you the magnet.

Not so you can hold up
your kids' artwork.

They don't care about
your kids' artwork!

I think you're overreacting.

Did you pay him the $80
service fee to come out here?

No. He was already here.

Yeah... 'cause I already paid
the 80 bucks!

Okay, look, you know
things have been tight lately.

I had a bread-heel sandwich for lunch.

Are you really this angry about this?

Yeah. It's kind of a big deal.
That's all.

Okay, how about I split
the 80 bucks with you?

[Laughs] That ship has sailed, Mike.

But I'm sure if you saw that
ship coming down the street,

you'd flag it down
and ask it to fix your plumbing!

Hi, Bill.

Hey, Frankie. How are you?
Nice... Nice top.

[Sighs] You're not gonna believe this.

Bill's mad I used his plumber.

Really?

"You used my plumber, Mike.

There's a way of doing things, Mike.

Yeah, I'm upset about it.

Yeah. I make a big deal
out of small things. Yeah."

[Bill clears throat]

Oh. Hi.

Like to imitate people, Mike?
I can imitate people, too.

"Hey, I'm Mike Heck.

I like to flag down
other people's plumbers.

I'm too cool for sunglasses."

Hurts, doesn't it?

Mm! I just love picnics.
They're so all-American.

You just make some potato salad,

grab your blanket
out of the oven, and go.

I know, right? Dad doesn't get it.

What's not to get?!

It's like the world
is your television set.

That's what I said!

So, tell me about school.
What's the haps?

Well, the bathroom near
my Spanish class went co-ed,

so now I have to rush my poops.

[Groans]

Man: Hi, there.

[Groans]

[Chuckles]

Hey. I'm Hudson. Liam.

Hey. I'm Frankie. This is Sue.

Sue? That's a pretty name.

[Whispering] What's happening?

We're new to Orson. How about you guys?

Oh, no. [Chuckles] We're old-timers.

Well, I'm an older-timer than her.

She's my daughter.

Oh, come on. You must be sisters.

[Laughs] Well,
I did have her very young.

And I drink a lot of water.

Well, not water, really. Pop.
But that's got water in it.

Anyway...

Hey, let's play some Frisbee.

Yeah! Let's get some cardio going.

[Whispering]
Do they expect us to play?

I really don't understand
what's happening.

[Whispering] I don't, either.

Well, you're the mom! Do something!

Don't be shy, ladies.
You can't play sitting.

Oh, I don't know. There's
mayonnaise on our sandwiches.

[Chuckles] That's true.

Uh, she doesn't lie. Moms don't lie.

Let me show you something.

You'll get a much better...

[Gasps] Okay, you know what?

We're just trying to enjoy our thing,

and for you to come
and sit on our blanket,

that... that's just weird.

Next time, just bring
your own blanket and sit on it.

I-I don't mean that
in a "Happy Days" way.

Not like, "Sit on it!"

Just... sit on your own blanket.

I'm trying to be polite but firm.

We thought you were part of the group.

What group?

The singles event.

[Laughs nervously]

Oh, well, that's
much less inappropriate, then.

Ohh.

Uh...

Please accept this frosting
as a little "my bad" gift.

[Chuckles] And we will just
scooch our blanket out of range.

Okay. Good luck.

Ugh! This weekend's gonna suck!

I'm gonna have to
take Brick to the museum

and the library and a bunch
of other nerd-tractions.

Is he gonna want to read stuff to me?

'Cause I don't like being read to.

Look, I couldn't say no.
The kid worships me, man.

I mean, I'm, like, the only
cool person in the family.

And after this weekend,
he's got to go back there.

It's sad.

It's like when Tarzan
got to meet fancy people

that eat with forks, and then he had to

go back to the jungle
and live with the apes.

Yeah, but Tarzan wanted
to go back to the jungle,

so the apes are the cool ones.

Well, then, I'm the apes.

Either way, I should send him home

with some of my old hair product
as a parting gift.

[Knock on door]

Ugh!

All right, Brick,
Kenny's at a convention,

so you can sleep
in his chair/bed and/or table.

And, uh, first up on the dork tour...

I heard the science library's
doing something sciency.

Oh, I'm not here for libraries.

I am here to par-tay.

Listen to this.

So, I'm at the hardware store
just now. I see Bill.

He didn't even wave at me.

Did you wave to him?

No. I don't wave at him.

It's... not our relationship.

Oh, great. Now I'm calling
what we have a relationship.

Now I'm calling it "what we
have." What's happening?!

What do you mean, you don't wave to him?

He waves, then I nod. That's what we do.

So did you nod?

No, I didn't nod...
because he didn't wave.

He waves, I nod.

He failed to initiate
the sequence, not me.

Seems complicated.

I think we're in a fight...
only, it's kind of a girly one.

And I'm not too thrilled
with Ron Donahue, either...

clucking like a hen, telling Bill

he saw his plumber coming over to me.

Yep. You're in a girly fight.

[Cellphone chimes]

Who's Hudson?

And why are you in a picture
playing Frisbee with him?

And what's it mean, "Let me know
if your status changes"?

[Laughing] Oh, my God. Aah!

Sue, come here!

[Laughs]

Look, look, look.

[Laughs] Oh, my God.

Look at that.

Okay. Somebody picked us up
at our picnic yesterday.

Yeah. Somebody still wants to hit this.

And I wasn't even wearing
those underpants.

Boop, boop, boop!

Hitting my thigh.

And if I'm not waving,
I'm sure not dancing.

Things happen
when you leave the house, Mike.

It's called life!

Hey, that Liam was really cute.
Maybe he'll text you.

I don't know.
I kind of like someone else.

[Gasps]

You do?!

Shut the door. Let's dish.

So, who do you like?

What's his name? Where's he from?

Is he short? Is he tall?

Is he too tall? There's
such a thing as too tall.

Look, Mom, I don't even have

any reason to believe that he likes me,

so I don't really want to talk about it.

You know what I'm hearing?

That you want to tell me
but you're afraid to.

That's not what I'm saying at all.

Tell me, tell me, tell me,
tell me, tickle, tell me!

Aah! Aah! Aah! Mom! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Okay. You don't have to tell me.

I'll just guess.

I'll go through the alphabet.

Ah, aah... Arnie?

Buh, buh... Brian?

Cah? Duh? Eh? Fruh? Guh?

[Gasps] You blinked on Guh.

It's not Guh.

Then why did you blink?

Because I had to blink.

Greg? Guy?

Gui? Ooh! Is he French?

Mom, cut it out!

And please don't tickle me again.

I have to pee a little, and I
really like this comforter.

Sue, you tell me everything.

You can't just cut me off cold turkey.

Just give Mama a little taste,
and then I will be on my way.

I need you to respect my privacy here.

[Sighs]

It's personal, Mom.

I know you can understand that. Hmm?

Yeah. Okay. Sure.

Okay.

[Deep voice]
Hey. Is the nosy mom gone?

It's just the two of us now.
You can tell me.

[Normal voice] Huh? Used to
work when you were little.

I thought I'd give it a try.

Door open or closed?

Okay, closed.

[Rock music plays,
indistinct conversations]

Hey, man, have you seen Brick?

I... can't find him anywhere.

Oh, he's fine.

I saw him doing a Scottish rap.

Now he's in the back,
talking to some people.

Wha...

So, the whole joke
rests upon the premise

that the guy's mother is ugly enough

to be confused with a zoo animal

and that if she had a ticket
to get out of the zoo,

they would just let her out!

If the mother looks like
an animal in the first place,

she wouldn't need a ticket to get in.

They'd just shoot her with an
elephant gun and stick her in a cage.

Thank you! [Scoffs]

Hey, Axl, great party. Uh, I just want...

Hi, Danna. Just one... one second.

Oh.

[Grunts]

Want to get rid of everybody? Tired?

What's your bedtime now? 7:00? 8:00?

You keep forgetting
I'm not a kid anymore.

I've got a girlfriend.

I've pulled a prank with my mom and dad.

You don't think I can par-tay?

[Scoffs] I can par-tay har-tay.

Don't say "par-tay." Or "har-tay."

Also "membrane." It skeeves me.

It's the reason I'm not a doctor.

I actually think we can
liven things up a little here.

Might be time to crank the Como.

What?! No!

Drugs are not cool! Stay in school!

I'm talking about Perry Como.

Perry Como, Crystal Meth...

giving them first names
doesn't take away the danger!

What is happening to you?!

Didn't you ever listen
to Aunt Edie's old records?

- God, no!
- Are you kidding me?

Henry Mancini, Andy Williams...

That's a boss bunch of cats
in that collection.

And Perry Como is
the bossest of them all.

He'd really give this party
the kick it needs.

[Perry Como's "Papa Loves
Mambo" plays] Yeah!

That's what I'm talking about.

Just try and not move. You can't.

This is not how I thought
the party was gonna go,

but I'm not mad at it.

[Sporting even plays on TV]

What is wrong with you?

Can you tell me quietly? The TV's on.

I just got off the phone with Paula.

She said Bill is beside himself.

You ran over his oranges?

I was just driving.

He's the one that lost control
of his oranges.

Well, Paula said that Bill said

you intentionally drove over his oranges

and you gave an evil smile
while you were doing it.

I didn't give an evil smile.

You're giving one right now.

He is really mad at you, Mike.

That's his problem. I got no problem.

Oh, you got a big problem, buddy.

We don't have so many friends

that we can just let them go
willy-nilly.

You think the Donahues
are gonna take our side on this?

They're all we've got.
And we do nothing for them.

We're like the little birds

on the back of a hippo
picking the bugs off,

and you are really
messing with that now.

Why are you in such a bad mood?

[Sighs] I'm losing Sue.

What?

She won't tell me who she likes.

She won't even tickle-tell me.

She used to tell me everything,

and now she doesn't
want my advice at all.

Well, that's not your problem.
That's her problem.

You're making her problem your problem.

That's your problem.

[Scoffs]

You're my problem.

[Mid-tempo music plays]

- All right, Brick.
- [Music stops]

I need to sleep.

Me too. I'm really tired.

So I don't need no one to read to me.

Sleep? [Scoffs]

Is this college or a nursing home?

Come on! Let's go do something!

Let's Saran Wrap someone's room.

Let's do the walk of shame!

Yeah, that doesn't mean
what you think it does.

Let's pull an all-nighter!

That just means
staying up all night studying.

Come on! I'm up for anything!

[Chuckles] I'm at college, man.

I want to bite into
the grapefruit of life

and let the juices drip down my chin,

and then immediately
put on hydrocortisone

because I'm prone to eczema.

I'm tired! I just want to sleep.
It's 2:00 a.m.!

Hey, it's 5:00 somewhere.

Mnh-mnh... that's something else

that doesn't mean
what you think it does.

Axl, this is my last chance

to spend time with you at college.

Please!

Ugh! Why do you idolize me so much?

Why am I so amazing?

All right. Fine.

The agricultural students
usually have something

going on in one of their birthing barns.

It's like a party in a barn.
It's called a barty.

You're on me for "par-tay,"
but "barty" is okay?

I didn't name it, Brick.

Ehh.

Hey, there. Who you texting?

Just Lexie.

I'm letting her know
I'm gonna take a shower,

and then I'll leave here
in about an hour,

and then she'll know
I'll be there in 46 minutes...

42 minutes to get there

and then a four-minute window
for extra padding,

and then if I'm not there,
she'll call the police.

[Dish clanks]

Frankie: I know it's wrong,
but they say if you notice

any behavioral changes in your child,

it's your duty as a mother to snoop.

Now, what was her password?

"GirlsRock."

[Buzzer] Shoot!

I'm doing this for her.

This is my baby, my little princess.

"Princess." Ooh! Okay.

Uh... Belle?

[Buzzer]

[Groans] Crap!

Ariel?

[Buzzer] Crap!

What's the name of that Indian one?

I mean, Native American one.

I don't really need to be
politically correct in my head,

but it's nice that I am.

And I just did that automatically

without thinking about it.

That proves I'm a really nice person

and was not just pretending to be.

I wish I had more black friends.

Pocahontas!

[Buzzer] Damn it!

[Clank]

So, what's next on our agenda?

Oh, my God! There's nothing left!

We spit off the clock tower,

we got in a tater tot fight
in the cafeteria,

we partied with farmers,
we watched a lamb get born.

I'm just gonna lay my face down

on this pancake like a pillow.

Ooh! [Snaps fingers]
Wait a minute. Pancake pillow.

Write that down. We're gonna be rich.

[Splat]

Ahh.

You know, Axl, I want to thank you.

You really showed me a great time.

Yeah, you know, it turned out
to be more fun than I thought.

Oh, hey! Look at this.

Eat while you sleep.

Now we just got to use science
to figure out

how big a pancake to cover
a typical night's sleep.

What is that... like, 13 hours?

[Laughs]

[Door opens, bells jingle]

Hey, there's that girl
from the party last night

who likes you.

Wha...?

Oh. Danna? Nah.

She's just a friend.
I don't think she likes me.

Axl, she couldn't have been
more obvious.

She kept wanting to talk to you,

she kept dancing next to you.

I'm not even good
at picking up social cues,

and I got it.

All right, look,
I just broke up with April.

And then Devin and Cassidy showed up.

The universe is telling me
to just hold off for now.

You know, maybe I just
got to hang out with my bros.

- And my bro.
- [Snaps fingers]

Well, if you're not ready,
you're not ready.

But let me share
a little story with you.

There's a secondhand shop near school

that I used to go to every day,

and they had this zebra bookmark...

Write down "syrup pocket."
I'll know what it means.

Sorry. Continue.

Every time I'd go in the shop,
I'd feel the bookmark.

I loved it.

The contrast
between the black and white,

the touch of the synthetic hair.

And every day, I'd say,

"Tomorrow, I'm gonna
come back and buy it."

But then I went in there
one day, and it was gone.

If this is your super-not-subtle way

of asking me to buy you
a bookmark, it's not working.

Uh, I guess the analogy is clearer to me

because I like my women
like I like my bookmarks...

long and skinny.

You've seen Cindy. Growl!

I'm uncomfortable.

What I'm saying is,

go out and get yourself a bookmark.

- But I don't want a bookmar...
- [Bangs table]

"Bookmarks" equals "girls"!
I'm talking about girls!

Go get one before it's too late!

What are you waiting for?!

Huh.

It's either my lack of sleep

or you're starting to
make some sense here, Brick.

You know, Brick,
you're really growing up.

I mean, we both are.

We're men.

We're Heck men.

It's up to us to carry on the Heck name.

Yeah. I guess it is.

So, now I'm gonna take your advice.

I'm gonna go get me a bookmark...

the girl kind.

[Door opens, bells jingle]

It's so weird. I could've sworn
I put it down on the counter.

No, I don't think you did.

I'm pretty sure
you put it over on the table.

[Gasps]

Well... I guess it's probably

as good a time as any to tell you...

I got you a new phone.

You did? Why?

'Cause I love you,
and it's my right to spoil you.

And there ain't nothin'
you can do about it.

This is Brick's phone. No, it's not.

Then why is Cindy's number
in here? And Troy's?

And the Orson Library
and the Jasper Library

and the Library of Congress?

Okay, fine. It's Brick's phone.

I was trying to break in to
your phone to see who you liked,

and I dropped it and cracked it.

[Gasps]

But... And yes, I-I realize
that makes me a crazy person.

But if you lived through
what I lived through with you,

you would understand.

Like, when you were in kindergarten,

we had a special arrangement
with the nurse's office

so you could call me every day at 10:00

because you missed me so much.

And you would only be
in Brownies if I was the leader.

And people would tell me,
"Oh, girls are great

when they're little,
but wait till she's a teenager."

And then you were a teenager,

and you were just as delightful,

and I thought, "We are gonna be
best friends forever."

And now...

Come here, Mom.

No. No! You don't want me.

Yes, I do.

Mom, I love you.

And I understand why you want to know,

but I'm not sure if he likes me,

and I'm not sure
how much I really like him.

So for right now,

this is just a fun thing
for me to think about.

But when I'm ready,

you will be the first person
I come to to talk about it.

Aww!

Before Lexie? Before Dad?

Obviously before Dad.

Oh, and, by the way,
my password is "SueHeckWins."

You might need it
in case there's an emergency

and you need to call the police.

[Gasps] Oh, shoot! Lexie!

[Knock on door]

[Knock on door]

Wow.

You really need to brush your teeth.

Oh, God.

I don't care.

[Sighs]

What's the problem?

Battery's dead.

Need a jump? I got cables.

That'd be great.

[Trunk lid closes]

It's a funny thing about guys.

They don't apologize or hug
or rehash what went wrong.

Guys mend fences the way guys do...

with jumper cables.

Nice cables.

Thanks. They're 18-footers.

Hey, did you hear the one about the guy
who tried to get into a nice supper club,

but he didn't have a tie,
so he used jumper cables?

The ma?tre d' said, "I'll let you in,

but, uh, don't start anything."

[Chuckles]

Yeah. You don't have to worry
about me poaching that one.

[Chuckles]

Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0