Original subtitles

[Crows caws]

Frankie: On college campuses across the midwest,

January means one thing... sorority rush.

Parties, teas, and dressing to impress.

Oh! [Laughs]

Which one do you like better?

The one with the missing strap

or the one with the broken heel?

I checked on kickinltcollegestyle.com

in the "brush up on rush" section,

and they said to be casual but memorable...

Casuable.

I don't know how it works these days, Sue.

I haven't been in college for...

[Mumbles] Years.

[Chuckles]

I just really feel like a sorority

is finally gonna be my thing, you know?

I mean, I've made friends with people in the dorm,

but I just don't feel like I've really found my people.

Or even my person, really.

Well, just remember.

If you get in, that's great,

but if you don't get in, that's fine, too.

Angelina Jolie was never in a sorority,

and she married Brad Pitt.

Not that marriage is the answer if don't get into a sorority.

Or even if you do.

Marriage is not the answer, is what I'm saying.

It's never a solution.

Oh, yeah. I like the one on the left.

Tie.

Ugh, Axl. Can't you do that somewhere else?

I am trying to assemble my rush wardrobe here.

[Chuckles] Okay. Here's all you got to know.

The best sororities are the Kappas, Thetas, Alphas,

and you're not gonna get in there, so...

[Scoffs] Obviously!

I am not even trying for those,

so please, mind your beeswax.

Oh. Beeswax minded. Tie.

Why am I doing this again?

'Cause next week when I go back to school,

I'll start interviewing for internships,

and I got to look like a man.

So keep tying.

That's great, Axl.

What kind of internships are you going for?

Oh, I don't know.

I'm in business, so they'll probably have me

run some kind of company or something.

You're not gonna be running a company.

Yeah, not with this knot, I won't.

You really phoned this one in, dad.

If you're looking for business experience,

I got some for you.

You're coming with me

to the baby product convention this weekend.

Rusty bailed on me, so I need your help with the diaper boxes.

Ugh. How much does it pay?

A lumpy bed and your mom's cooking.

[Groans]

Where's the table?

Couldn't find it.

What... did you go to the car?

Yeah.

I checked the trunk,

but there was just a tabletop... no legs.

It's a folding table!

Didn't you lift it up and see that the legs are underneath it?

They're attached.

Well, you didn't say that.

I said, "go get the folding table."

I didn't hear you.

Why do you think I would bring a table with no legs?

I don't know.

I thought maybe it was a hovertable or something.

Why are you so mad?

Because you're out there looking for jobs now,

and rule number one about having a job

is if someone asks you to do something, you do it.

That's the kind of guy companies are looking for,

not some bozo who doesn't know how to operate a table.

Geez!

I'm about to fire you, and you're my son.

Please do.

I should've known we weren't cool enough for a hovertable.

Wait. Is this what I think it is?

[Laughing] Oh, my god.

That is hilarious. [Chuckles]

Seriously, I can move a lot of these in my store.

How about I hit you up on linkedln?

Oh.

No, that's very flattering, but I'm married.

No, linkedln is the...

Never mind.

Our website is kind of being worked on right now,

but real soon, it's gonna be up and running

on the world wide web.

W-w-w.

Okay...

Just give me your Twitter, and I'll follow you.

The Twitter's also being worked on.

But you know what?

If you write down your information,

I can send you one of our mailers.

No worry.

I'll stick a self-addressed stamped envelope in there.

Wow.

So Sue was entering the world of sorority rush,

but she had her head on straight.

She was keeping it all in perspective.

So, we only have 20 minutes

before you move on to the next house,

so I just want to get to know you a bit.

Where are you from?

I'm from Orson.

I'm from Carmel.

No way. Do you know Susie McDaniel?

No way. She lives on my street.

No way! We went to camp together.

No way!

Oh, I love your necklace.

Oh, thank you. It's a horseshoe.

I've been riding since I was 6.

Do you ride horses competitively?

Oh, yeah.

I've traveled to competitions in Colorado, California...

Everywhere, really.

Oh.

I've traveled for competitions, too.

Not mine, my brother's.

It was a spelling bee.

We stayed in a motel in Chicago.

Funny story, when we got to the room,

there was a poop in the toilet.

Not our poop... a mystery poop.

A real whodunit.

Like a murder mystery, but with poop.

Oh, hi, Wendy.

I was just talking with Sue and Lexie here.

Lexie was telling me how she likes to ride horses

and Sue was telling me a story about poo.

[Door opens]

What is that?

Is that what you're using for a backpack now?

Seriously, you lost the pizza bag?

No. Troy and I were hanging out at the mall,

and I got myself some new pants.

You went pants shopping without me?

I thought you'd be happy. You hate taking me shopping.

Where did you get that idea?

Come on, Brick!

I've been standing out here for 45 minutes!

Pick some damn pants!

I'm not even working today. I could have taken you shopping.

No, it was great.

I finally got to try on jeans in the men's dressing room.

Plus, you always buy me the same ones.

These are dark wash.

Dark wash!

You never said you had a wash preference.

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Sue: I am dying out here.

I tried to be funny, I tried to be whimsical...

Just something different.

It's almost like sororities don't want different.

And I keep getting stuck next to this girl

who rides horses and has been to California.

What about me is cool like that?

I don't know, Sue. Look, I'm a little thrown.

Your brother just bought his own pants.

I'm not telling them my brother

bought his own pants.

"Ooh, my brother bought pants."

Oh, you know what? I actually might use that.

I mean, dark wash?

Did he ever say anything to you about wanting dark wash?

Mom!

You don't understand what it's like.

Everyone's beautiful. They're all blonde and perfect.

There's a tall blonde. There's a tall blonde.

There's a tall blonde.

Oh, she's just kind of so-so.

Oh, never mind.

That's just my reflection in the window.

[Girls chanting] We're theta delta epsilon.

Come on in and have some fun!

We're Theta Delta Epsilon.

Oh, here's something you can use.

Too late, you failed me. I'm on!

Come on in and have some fun!

We're Theta Delta Epsilon.

Come on in and have some fun!

[Gasps]

Are you okay?

What? Oh, yeah.

I'm fine.

I actually do this all the time.

Luckily, I have really bendy ankles.

Well, come on.

They're gonna close the doors, and you don't want to miss it.

Oh, that's okay. Go on without me.

I'm pretty sure I'd just end up

talking about my brother's pants.

Well, that I got to hear.

Let's go. You're coming.

You're my rush buddy.

- I am? - Yeah.

Why do you think that I sit next to you every time?

'Cause I make you look good.

[Laughing] No.

'Cause you're, like, hilarious.

You're different.

You're not like the other girls.

You seem like you're really into being happy.

I am.

[Giggles]

Oh.

[Chuckles] Got it.

Oh.

[Chuckles]

Axl: [Sighs] All right.

You can stay there if you don't talk,

but I'm gonna need the couch.

What you need is pants.

Actually, I don't.

I have a Skype interview

for my internship in five minutes,

and they're only gonna see me from the waist up.

God, you really don't understand

anything about technology, do you?

Hey, listen, I wanted to talk to you about that.

I think I might need more of a...

What do you call it, a-a social-media presence

for my business than this.

Wow, that is pathetic. [Laughs]

And self-addressed stamped envelopes? Really, dad?

Where you mailing these? 1985?

Okay, okay.

So, how do I go about applying for a-a-a-a Twitter thing?

- Who do I contact? - Give me your phone.

And what would the wait time be?

I can make the call myself

if you just tell me who sets it up.

There. You're on Twitter.

Now, if you wouldn't mind

removing yourself from the couch,

I'm about to get myself a very high-powered job.

[Burps]

[Computer chimes]

Hi. I'm Axl Heck. It's nice to meet you.

I just want to say I'm very excited about the possibility

of working with your company.

I'm currently a junior

at East Indiana State University.

Get this. Thanks to Axl, I got a Twitter.

I already got two followers,

and I haven't even twittered anything yet.

- [Sobs] - Whoa.

Who died?

The last time I went pants shopping with Brick

is apparently the last time

I'll ever go pants shopping with Brick,

and I don't even remember the last time

I went pants shopping with Brick.

I do.

You said, "that's the last time

I'm ever going pants shopping with Brick."

It's all just going and going, Mike.

The kids are growing up so fast and right out of our lives.

That's the plan.

But there's no warning. It just happens.

I mean, think of all the lasts I've missed.

The last time I read "goodnight moon" to him.

The last time he rode in a car seat.

The last time I made pancakes in the shape of books he liked.

I mean, it was a pain,

but I'd do it tomorrow in a heartbeat.

Well, not tomorrow 'cause I have something,

but the next day, for sure.

Is this gonna be a whole thing?

'Cause, really, I just came in to go to the bathroom.

Look at this note, Mike.

Brick left this for me years ago,

and I threw it in a box of old shoes.

"Don't forget to kizz me good night."

Yeah.

He spelled "kiss" with two z's.

That could have been the last time

he asked for a "kizz" and a cuddle.

And I bet I didn't do it.

Probably had something better to do.

If I knew it was the last time, I would have done it,

but I didn't.

[Sobs]

This may be a bad time to ask, but how much were the pants?

Okay, everyone.

I know you're super excited

to find out which houses have asked you back.

Now, when I tell you, you'll open your envelopes

and you'll find a card which will have

up to nine sororities on it.

You'll have to narrow it down to a Max of six.

Now, I just want to let you know,

I was once sitting right where you are.

So I totally understand the emotions are...

[Chatting excitedly]

[Cheering]

[Squeals]

I got invited back to all nine.

I got invited back to some!

[Squeals]

Oh, god. I don't know how I'm gonna rank them.

I just love them all so much!

Here's what you're gonna want to do...

Keep your options open.

You don't want to fall in love with just one sorority.

You got to check them all out

'cause you never know which one will end up

being the right one for you.

Got it.

Don't worry. I am not a pushover.

They are really gonna have to sell me.

We're gamma tau beta and we're here to say-a

we're the number-one house on campus today-a

What? Mike drop.

Sold.

Huh?

Shh. It's okay.

Mom?

What are you doing?

I just want to "kizz" you good night

and cuddle you till you fall asleep.

You're a little late for that.

I know.

I should have done it nine years ago.

I-I mean, I've been asleep for a half-hour.

Oh.

Well, now that you're awake, I've been thinking.

Since you're still on break and I'm off for another week,

maybe we could have a mom and Brick day.

Why?

Just 'cause things are going so fast,

Mr. grown-up-pants-shopper.

I guess I got busy and took you for granted.

But we really should spend time together while we have it.

I don't know.

I mean, I'm older now. I've got a friend.

You might have missed your window.

Well, let's just see if we can crank that window back open.

Here's an idea.

Let's write down a bunch of fun things to do,

put them in a hat, and pick one out each day.

- No. - Okay, okay. Just one idea.

Fine. I guess... I'll go bowling.

Can I bring Troy?

What? No.

Troy got the pants. Bowling's our thing.

Fine, whatever. Good night.

Good night, sweet pea.

Uh, mom.

Shh. Just one more minute.

Hey. I think I'm finally getting the hang

of this whole "twittering" thing.

I can watch people talking about the diapers.

This guy duffman205 says, "li'l rivals are awesome.

Got to get me some."

There's more.

"Feeding my baby extra broccoli right now.

Can't wait for him to dookie on Duke."

[Chuckles] Well, that's encouraging,

and a little gross.

Oh, hang on. Who's this guy?

Bigdwayne32 says,

"hey, dipwad, why you crappin' on purdue?"

He's not getting it.

"Buy purdue on outside, I.U. Inside."

[Cellphone chimes]

Axl says I don't have to use full sentences.

Mm. Hey, do you know where the bowling ball

I got you for father's day is?

Brick begged me to go bowling. I probably should go.

Hmm. [Cellphone chimes]

Oh. Hey, look. Bigdwayne32 wrote me back.

"Hey, dipwad.

I'd like to see your big fat dipwad face

inside one of your diapers.

You couldn't dream of getting into purdue."

Ooh.

"Maybe if purdue had a better defense,

you wouldn't be so defensive."

Wha-bam! You just got Mike'd!

Mm.

Okay, so, we're making

our final choices for preference night.

So, here's what you're gonna want to do.

Focus on your rankings 'cause it's super important.

Oh, how am I gonna narrow down all my choices to just two?

I'm lucky. Only two sororities want me.

So lucky. Switch.

But I still don't know how I'm gonna pick.

One was all about philanthropy and sisterhood,

but the other was all about

community service and togetherness.

Although, neither one talked about saving the earth,

but "saving the earth" is kind of hard to rhyme,

so they might have just left it out of their songs.

Wouldn't it be awesome if this is how they did rush?

Just sitting on the floor, hanging in sweats,

pretzels and ice cream.

This is where it gets real.

Mm-hmm.

All it takes is a pair of sweats to finally see things clearly.

You know, when I first got to east indy,

it was pretty tough, but if you just keep going

and get through the first semester,

you start to figure things out.

Something big's coming. I can feel it.

I thought last year was the year of Sue,

but now I think it's this year.

Switch.

What are you doing? Stop!

I'm not doing anything.

Oh, really?

Then why are you in a Twitter war with bigdwayne32?

I'm not in a war with anybody. Hmm.

Have you checked Twitter lately, 'cause you're all over it.

"Maybe if purdue got a better defense,

you wouldn't be so defensive."

Pretty good, huh?

Yeah, well, bigdwayne copied purdue into the conversation.

They retweeted it, and now you've got

over 100,000 fans calling you a dipwad.

What? No. I was just twittering him back.

Oh, god. You are such a caveman!

That's not how this works.

On Twitter, everyone can see. Listen to some of these.

"Hey, dipwad.

I think your brains belong in your diapers."

"You're an idiot, and li'l rivals suck."

Oh. "Think again before coming to purdue, dipwad."

Also, "repeal obamacare."

Wait, bigdwayne did this? Let me see.

"The dipwad's name is Mike Heck."

I'm just saying, this would never happen

with the yellow pads.

That's the problem with this whole social-media thing.

Everyone's just insulting everybody,

and nobody knows who's who. [Sighs]

"Hey, Dwayne."

Oh, no. No...

"You shouldn't say things online

that you wouldn't say in person.

Man up for once."

[Cellphone chimes]

I'm telling you, dad. Just leave this one alone.

[Telephone rings]

Look at that. Maybe Dwayne's a man.

How would he get our phone number?

Probably from the phone book. Hello?

We're still in the phone book?

Whoa, hey.

That is some salty language there, ma'am.

Ma'am?

Oh, god.

Dwayne just tweeted our phone number.

[Telephone rings]

[Sighs]

So with only two sorority houses left

and the outcome anybody's guess,

Sue knew she had to keep her emotions in check.

Jackie: "'Wasn't I real before, ' asked the rabbit.

'You were real to the boy, ' the fairy said,

'because he loved you.

But now you shall be real to everyone.'"

we're the rabbit. [Sniffles]

The rabbit is us.

[Telephone rings]

Hey.

Hey.

So, you're probably not gonna want to answer

the phone for a while.

I haven't answered the house phone

in at least five years.

Oh, hey. How'd the interview go?

Got the job.

- You did? - Yeah.

I'll be interning at your old stompin' grounds...

Little Betty.

Huh.

Of course I'll be in the corporate offices,

not slinging snack cakes like you were.

Yeah, well, good for you.

Hey, listen, you might have been right

about all this social-media stuff.

Hey, it's cool.

You know, it happens to everyone.

I remember when I first joined Twitter,

it took me like 10 minutes to figure it out.

Hmm.

You know, I may not have to worry about your future so much.

You seem like you're doing okay.

So that's it?

You're not gonna rub my nose in it?

Half the Internet's calling me "the diaper dipwad."

Nah. My dad taught me that when you're right,

act like you've been there before.

[Telephone rings]

[Indistinct conversations]

[Exhales sharply] Okay, you guys.

Before you open your final bid envelopes,

I just want to say...

This is the strongest pledge class we have ever had.

You know, I remember back when...

[Cheering]

You go first.

I can't wait to see where you got in.

What?

Who is it? Kappas? Thetas?

They changed the rules so you could join both

because they both loved you so much?

I didn't get in anywhere.

What?

That's crazy.

If you made up a girl who should get into a sorority,

it would be you!

You are, like, perfect.

You're funny. You're cool. You have a horse named twinkie.

Actually, twinkie's my car.

[Crying] My horse's name is Cinnamon.

Lexie!

We're gonna be Alphas!

Where'd you get in?

Um, I...

I actually didn't.

Um, but... but it's okay.

Seriously. Go on and have fun.

Don't worry about me.

Congratulations! [Cries]

[Whimpers]

Lexie... that was so brave.

That was, like, "hunger games" brave.

Look at me. I'm a mess.

I'm going on and on

and you haven't even opened your envelope.

[Sighs] Okay.

Just because my life is over doesn't mean yours is.

Go on. Open it.

I'm not gonna.

What? Of course you're gonna.

This... this is the year of Sue.

You've got big things coming.

I do, and I don't think it's being in a sorority.

What if I got in?

That would mean that next year I would be a person

who helped make someone feel like this.

Don't be silly.

Yeah, it hurts now, but I'll get over it.

Believe me.

I am all about sisterhood and philanthropy,

but ever since the candle ceremony,

I can't stop thinking about that book.

And now I wonder... maybe we're not

supposed to just sit around

waiting for someone to love us enough to make us real.

Maybe it's our job to love someone else

for them to become real.

We're not the rabbit.

We're the boy!

Wow.

That must have been some ceremony.

All right, come on. Let's get out of here.

Wait.

Don't you even want to know if you got in?

Uh...

Nope, didn't get in.

Come on, you're just saying that

to make me feel better.

Honestly, I didn't.

Oh, wow. You really didn't.

I...

I have all these weird, unfamiliar feelings inside.

Is this what rejection is?

Yep.

Luckily, you're with a pro.

Now, here's what you're gonna want to do...

Cry.

But not into your pillow,

'cause you're gonna have to sleep on it later.

I suggest a sweatshirt or...

So, Sue had found a sister, just not the sorority kind.

And the brochures were right.

If you go through rush,

sometimes you do find exactly what you're looking for.

And as for Brick, well, we finally did go bowling.

This is gonna be fun, huh?

Hey, maybe we can even grab some dinner after.

You know, next time we go to the mall,

I think I'm gonna buy a shirt.

Me too.

I'm gonna get a tasteful zombie shirt that girls would like.

Ooh. You know, I could help.

After the dark-wash jeans,

I really feel like I'm developing a sense of style.

A person can only wear so much stripes.

I guess it was the natural order of things,

and it was good Brick finally had a friend.

I mean, he didn't talk to me the whole night.

I was basically the chauffeur.

But that's okay,

'cause he'll be driving soon enough.

And who knows?

This could be the last time I ever get to be his chauffeur.

And I was going to enjoy every minute of it.

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