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PETE: Ted, betting big on the
wide receivers this year.
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Yeah.
I think I know what I'm doing.
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JENNY: But it's not a
championship line-up, Theodore.
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No one did as well as Taco,
who seems to have drafted Serena
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Williams in the eighth round.
TACO: I don't know what
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happened.
I got nervous.
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I meant to take her sister.
Well, it could be worse.
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You could be this guy.
Ruxin!
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Aw, look who it is.
What happened to you?
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You bailed on the draft.
Ooh!
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Boy...
Oh!
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What happened?
RUXIN: I got Rafied, which is
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worse than being roofied, trust
me.
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I feel like I need Ted's AIDS
cocktail.
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Bitch, you couldn't handle my
cocktail.
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KEVIN: No, no, you could not.
Wait, is this my team?
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I've got four kickers and no
quarterback.
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It looks worse than Aaron
Hernandez's alibi.
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What happened to Aaron
Hernandez?
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Is he okay?
Technically, this isn't
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really your team.
What? What do you mean?
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Yeah, you bailed on the draft.
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You are not in the league, my
friend.
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But I capitulated on
everything!
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I mean, what am I supposed to do
now?
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I would enjoy the wedding.
No!
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No, no, no, no!
I don't accept this.
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I'm leaving.
What's your room number, by
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the way, Ruxin?
My room number is eat my
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diseased dills.
Ugh.
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Jenny, I do have something
for you guys.
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What's your room number?
We're in 4...
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No, no, no!
D-D-Do not tell these animals
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what room we are in. Do not.
Why?
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Because this is what they do.
We like to go on road trips and
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sneak into each other's hotel
rooms and ransack the minibar.
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Like a pack of wolves.
I love that game.
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I even play it with strangers.
I'm in room 428, Kevin.
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Great. I don't care.
My room is not going to give
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you AIDS.
Someone's room gave you AIDS,
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Ted.
ANDRE: Whoa, hey, hey!
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Put this away.
Trixie cannot see this board.
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Hey, hey! Easy!
Trixie cannot find out that
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we drafted last night.
I feel terrible about the whole
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thing.
Well, you should.
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All your running backs have the
same bye week.
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No, it's not that.
This morning, she asked me how
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the bachelor party was, and I
had to lie to her.
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Marriages begin and end with
lies; that's how it works.
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Well, I refuse to poison our
union.
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You mean more than you
already have with your
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widow-making death jizz?
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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So when's Heather getting here?
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Oh, she can't come.
She's, uh, eight months
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pregnant, so she can't fly.
Oh, man, that was gonna be my
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wedding gift for you.
To get my sister pregnant?
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No, I was gonna not have sex
with your sister.
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Oh.
I was gonna spare you the
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awkwardness of knowing that we
were rubbing wet spots on your
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special weekend.
Don't... please don't say
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"wet spots."
How did she even get
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pregnant?
She hates it in that hole.
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Okay.
Come on.
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You suckers ready for some
sun? (laughs)
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Uh, uh, uh, no, no, no.
These are reserved.
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This is for Pete; that's for
Jenny.
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Yep.
First wife, second wife.
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W-What's that?
Kevin's like a Mormon without
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any of the financial prowess.
Second wife sits over here, so
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he can jack him off, and then
the first wife cups the balls,
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as is her right.
There's no jacking off.
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That's right.
It's full pene.
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There's no penetration,
Ruxin, please.
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Yeah, and then Ellie gets in
there and is like, "I want..."
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What? Stop it.
That's my niece you're
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talking about.
Yeah, but we were just
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talking about everyone getting
in the mix...
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Know some limits.
Watch yourself.
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What's wrong with you?
What's up, guys?
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Hey, guys.
Hey, Kevin.
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Here's a little sunblock.
You know how you burn behind the
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ears.
Oh, it's like a bad episode
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of Big Love.
There are no bad episodes of
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Big Love.
I never thought either
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marriage would last.
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We are T-minus 24 hours awayfrom the Von Nozick wedding.
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Are you ready, Gander?Please stop calling me
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Gander.Are you ready, J-Balls?
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Gander will do.All right, Gander.
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Now, you need to do...Wait, are you drinking my
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champagne?It's good.
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It's a $400 bottle ofchampagne.
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I'm not gonna drink the wholebottle.
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Fine.Duty number one: you are my
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ambassador to magic.Andre, your big day might be
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more magical if there's noactual magic in it.
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Hmm.Well, then, how will people know
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I'm super cool?Your hat.
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Great.Which brings me to duty number
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two: you're in charge of myhaberdashery.
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Which to laypeople is "hats."Okay?
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How many hats are you gonnawear?
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Tres for the wedding, siete
for the reception, and one for
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the consummation.Oh, God, stop it.
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You know you like it.No.
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All right, yeah, that'sGander-style.
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(Andre whoops, Jenny shrieks)Number three: how are you with
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animals?Not great.
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Well, you better get good,'cause I have 100 doves and they
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stink to high heaven, which isexactly where I want them to go,
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capisce?I need those doves a-flyin'.
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No lazy doves, J-Balls!No?
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No lazy doves, Gander!Fine.
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Look, I'm gonna yell at you alot in the next 24 hours.
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Oh.But I want you to know it's
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only because I love you.Bring it in for a she-bro hug.
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Come here, come on, all right.Come on, all right.
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See you later.I didn't even adjourn the
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meeting!I have a PowerPoint!
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(Ruxin grunts)
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You're sitting alone here atthe pool because Pete and Kevin
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are up in the room doing theirbusiness?
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Look, I don't have a ton oftime, so let's get to it.
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I know you want back in theleague.
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Yeah.I want you back in the
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league.Why?
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Every hero needs theirvillain, Darth.
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Hmm.How do you plan on doing that?
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There's gonna be a league vote.
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People are torn.They trust you about as much as
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they'd trust a man with aponytail.
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I can change their mind.And what do I have to do in
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return, Jenny?Oh, um...
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be Andre's best man.(groans)
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No, I won't do it.I won't do it.
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You don't have to.Fine.
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Okay.Ah, hi, Jenny.
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Hey, J.J.Hey, Ruxin.
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How'd you like my draft?Oh, about as much as you
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liked getting spanked by thePatriots in the playoffs, J.J.
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Real nice.You ever played a down of
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football in your life?Uh, yeah, I played peewee
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football for a year.Looks like you still play
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peewee football.Hey, NaVorro.
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Hey, Gerald.Hey, Jenny.
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Last night was crazy.Wait, you guys were at the
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draft, too?Yeah.
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Did you help pick my team?Of course we did.
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Why do you think there's somany defenses?
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Listen, don't start yourcomplaining.
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You got a awesome team.I have no quarterbacks.
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We don't like quarterbacks.I don't like running backs,
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either.Running backs... dropped.
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Please.Those girlish diva receivers?
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Out.Diva receivers... dropped.
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Nothing but defenses andkickers on Pete Top, Kevin
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Bottom.Fantasy gold.
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If you guys weren't all huge,huge men and this water wasn't
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so cold, I would come in thepool and kick all your asses
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right now.(sighs)
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Fine.I will be Andre's "Gander."
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But let me tell you something,Iceman, I don't like you.
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'Cause you're dangerous.You'd better get going.
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You have so many activities torun.
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Activities?(Andre whoops)
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You know, it's always been mydream to play a little beach
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volleyball just like they did inthe movie Top Gun.
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And today...you're all on my squad.
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Where are the jean shorts andrampant homoeroticism?
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Oh, it's coming.(whoops) Hey! Oh!
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(laughs)Nice tush.
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Now, today you're all a part ofmy team.
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Y'all got your nicknames.Gander, Slider, Iceman,
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Hollywood, and Taco.
Thought we were doing a Top
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Chef thing.
No, Top Gun.
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And no Maverick would becomplete without his... Goose!
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Ha-ha!And you're gonna wear it.
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No.Go on...
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Isn't there a homeless guy Ican jack off instead of doing
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that?You gotta wear it!
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It's my wedding!I'm the groom.
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You gotta wear it, you...Man up! Man up!
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It's my wedding!It's my wedding, you do what I
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say!Man up!
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Fine. Fine.Yeah, you wear that.
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You're a groomzilla.Put that on!
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Go, Goose!All right, let's play some
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volleyball, huh?Yeah!
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Yeah, all right!(whoops)
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Taco, you getting this?Yeah, yeah.
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Maverick, Goose and Hollywoodagainst Family MacArthur, Kevin
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and his two wives.Top Groom!
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Kevin, you...(whoops) Uh-huh, uh-huh...
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oh, God...Scro Squadron.
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Coming in hot from downtown.
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Bring it, Ted, bring it!Kevin... I'm looking at you,
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pal.Is that blood?
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Oh, God.We don't want it, we don't
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want it.Blood ball!
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Don't! Oh, God!You guys!
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It's fake blood.Break point.
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You got it?It's enough footage
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of the ball, Taco.Ted's cocktail is not
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sitting well with me.What? You took my pills?
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I took your Wednesday.That's gonna mess with
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my immune system.What about my digestive
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system, Ted?!It's gonna wreak havoc.
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Oh! I gotta Yobogoya!ALL: Yes! Yeah! Whoo!
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Where's the nearest bathroom?I think they're pretty far.
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No options!What are you gonna do?
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No options!Oh, yeah.
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Oh, God!Yes!
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Wait for me!I can't hold it!
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Go! Go, Kevin, go!Go for it!
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I'm getting it!Are you filming this?
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Oh, you beast!(Kevin groans)
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(all exclaim)Seabiscuit!
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Oh, dibs on Seabiscuit.It's my new team name.
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I'm not Seabiscuit!I gotta have vacation
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sex with that.Oh, my God, Pacific Ocean
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forever unclean!
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Let's get our rehearsal
dinner on.
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After you.
(Andre snaps fingers)
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Hey, Goose, let me see my hats.
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'Cause I want to make sure
I know what I'm in for.
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You've got diabetic
gelato maker, old Japanese guy
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who sniffs young girls' panties,
and of course, the newsies
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molester collection.
Well, Kevin and the wives
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finally showing up.
Hey, how is everyone?
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Good. Can I interest you in
a cocktail?
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He's fine.
No, I'm fine, thank you.
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He's good.
How are you doing over here,
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Mr. King of the Wide Receivers?
I mean, look, I know you landed
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Calvin Johnson...
That's right.
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...but Calvin Johnson does
not a season make.
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I'll be honest with you,
I could use a great running
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back or two.
Uh-huh.
239
00:08:36,347 --> 00:08:38,547
I don't know what you're
doing with that one kicker
240
00:08:38,549 --> 00:08:41,050
of yours.
Hello, everyone, I'm Ruxin.
241
00:08:41,052 --> 00:08:43,886
I am the best man here
at the wedding.
242
00:08:43,888 --> 00:08:46,689
You're the Goose!
ALL: Goose!
243
00:08:46,691 --> 00:08:50,650
I would love to invite now
the father and mother of the
244
00:08:50,770 --> 00:08:54,396
groom, Mr. Burt and Gloria
Nozick up to say some words.
245
00:08:54,398 --> 00:08:57,166
Yeah!
Speech!
246
00:08:57,614 --> 00:08:59,747
Hi, everybody.
Hi.
247
00:08:59,749 --> 00:09:02,116
We're so proud of you,
Andre, and our lovely
248
00:09:02,118 --> 00:09:04,152
new daughter.
You're gorgeous.
249
00:09:04,154 --> 00:09:07,121
It was just such a short time
ago that he was a little boy.
250
00:09:07,123 --> 00:09:08,856
That's really what
it feels like.
251
00:09:08,858 --> 00:09:12,093
And he never really knew very
much about-about women.
252
00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:16,598
Remember, you guys, you guys,
you told him that women didn't
253
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,833
have anything down there.
Oh, that's right.
254
00:09:18,835 --> 00:09:20,501
That they were like
Barbie dolls.
255
00:09:20,503 --> 00:09:22,170
You called it
"smooth saddles."
256
00:09:22,172 --> 00:09:24,105
(Gloria laughs)
Yes.
257
00:09:24,107 --> 00:09:27,141
To smooth saddles.
Oh! I got, I got a surprise.
258
00:09:27,143 --> 00:09:29,210
Something amazing is
what he means.
259
00:09:29,212 --> 00:09:31,813
Something incredible.
Something sweet and beautiful.
260
00:09:31,815 --> 00:09:35,683
Here we go. Ta-da.
(Kevin gasps)
261
00:09:35,685 --> 00:09:39,821
It's a Kluneberg!
Penis Andre is attacking
262
00:09:39,823 --> 00:09:42,056
Anus Trixie.
This is an important work.
263
00:09:42,058 --> 00:09:43,825
It recontextualizes
everything I know about
264
00:09:43,827 --> 00:09:46,494
the penis.
It's a valuable addition to
265
00:09:46,496 --> 00:09:48,463
anyone's personal collection.
Coming up big,
266
00:09:48,465 --> 00:09:51,366
Mr. and Mrs. N!
Yay!
267
00:09:51,368 --> 00:09:53,468
N! N!
They're early front-runners
268
00:09:53,470 --> 00:09:56,037
for MVP of the wedding,
Mr. and Mrs. Nozick.
269
00:09:56,039 --> 00:09:59,040
Okay, would anybody else like
to say some words?
270
00:09:59,042 --> 00:10:01,843
I've got a little something.
Ah, Ted would like to speak.
271
00:10:01,845 --> 00:10:05,346
So from MVPs to A-I-Ds.
Everybody, Ted.
272
00:10:05,348 --> 00:10:08,883
(applause)
Thank you, Goose.
273
00:10:08,885 --> 00:10:13,755
You know, they say a good
marriage is like a team.
274
00:10:13,757 --> 00:10:17,358
I cannot imagine you two apart.
Andre without Trixie?
275
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,862
That's like having great, great
wide receivers and no
276
00:10:20,864 --> 00:10:23,431
running backs.
Or at least over-the-hill
277
00:10:23,433 --> 00:10:25,667
and injury-prone ones.
I'm sorry. I misspoke.
278
00:10:25,669 --> 00:10:28,202
Did I just say great
wide receivers?
279
00:10:28,204 --> 00:10:31,873
I'm sorry, no.
Trix, if half of what this man
280
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:34,375
has tweeted about you is true,
then you're the best.
281
00:10:34,377 --> 00:10:38,112
You are the Calvin Johnson
of brides.
282
00:10:38,114 --> 00:10:42,717
A true number one.
And here you are tonight.
283
00:10:42,719 --> 00:10:45,086
You're so beautiful.
Calvin Johnson being
284
00:10:45,088 --> 00:10:48,189
offered up!
And I know that anyone here--
285
00:10:48,191 --> 00:10:52,593
Andre, anyone.
Anyone or Andre is going to have
286
00:10:52,595 --> 00:10:56,864
to give up something very big in
order to get you in his lineup.
287
00:10:56,866 --> 00:10:59,434
But I'll tell you what.
That is gonna make both parties
288
00:10:59,436 --> 00:11:01,436
in this matrimonial transaction
exceedingly happy for the
289
00:11:01,438 --> 00:11:04,238
upcoming season,
or for all time.
290
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:07,308
The floor is open.
Wow! Great speech.
291
00:11:07,310 --> 00:11:09,711
Ted, do you mind if
I say a word?
292
00:11:09,713 --> 00:11:11,713
No, I don't mind a bit.
Thank you.
293
00:11:11,715 --> 00:11:13,748
And congratulations, Andre,
and to you, Trixie.
294
00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:16,651
(Trixie chuckles)
All this talk about weddings and
295
00:11:16,653 --> 00:11:19,454
marriage and teams reminds me of
the day of my wedding.
296
00:11:19,456 --> 00:11:22,090
The day that I found my number
one draft pick Calvin Johnson.
297
00:11:22,092 --> 00:11:25,493
The day I married my Jenny.
(Andre chuckles)
298
00:11:25,495 --> 00:11:28,162
Aw...
I would have traded
299
00:11:28,164 --> 00:11:31,399
anything to get her.
She's the most...
300
00:11:31,401 --> 00:11:35,470
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
This is not my forte.
301
00:11:35,472 --> 00:11:38,439
Matt Forte.
Matt Forte.
302
00:11:38,441 --> 00:11:40,408
He said, "No, it's
not my forte."
303
00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:42,744
That's an interesting speech,
Kevin.
304
00:11:42,746 --> 00:11:47,648
Uh, do you have any more
you would want to offer?
305
00:11:47,650 --> 00:11:50,985
No, thank you.
Uh, I just want to say,
306
00:11:50,987 --> 00:11:53,654
Andre and Trixie, you're
a beautiful couple.
307
00:11:53,656 --> 00:11:56,124
You know, if I could just
better Kevin's toast...
308
00:11:56,126 --> 00:11:59,193
Okay, please don't.
No, Kevin's toast was fair,
309
00:11:59,195 --> 00:12:01,629
and I don't think it canbe better.
310
00:12:01,631 --> 00:12:04,298
It's about you, Andre.How dependable you are.
311
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:07,268
Mm.Week after week, and how
312
00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:09,837
important it is to have someonelike that on your team.
313
00:12:09,839 --> 00:12:12,673
I believe it was the great poetMarshawn Lynch...
314
00:12:12,675 --> 00:12:15,143
Marshawn Lynch? I don't...Who is that?
315
00:12:15,145 --> 00:12:17,512
He was originally fromBuffalo, then he became a poet
316
00:12:17,514 --> 00:12:21,449
in the Northwest....who once said, "I am
317
00:12:21,451 --> 00:12:23,618
a stud.I'm an every down type
318
00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:26,287
of player...even in garbage time."
319
00:12:26,289 --> 00:12:30,124
Jamaal Charles!Not many of you are gonna
320
00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:31,659
understand that.That's sort of an
321
00:12:31,661 --> 00:12:33,494
inside joke, but...Drop it! Drop it!
322
00:12:33,496 --> 00:12:36,564
...Jamaal Charles!I don't really get
323
00:12:36,566 --> 00:12:38,533
Andre's friends.I think they're just maybe
324
00:12:38,535 --> 00:12:40,668
not very bright.All right.
325
00:12:40,670 --> 00:12:42,637
I accept Pete's speech.Cock and balls!
326
00:12:42,639 --> 00:12:44,305
Yes!So moving.
327
00:12:44,307 --> 00:12:46,207
How do we all feel?Ratified, ratified.
328
00:12:46,209 --> 00:12:49,811
Done. To Andre and Trixie.To Andre and Trixie! Yeah!
329
00:12:49,813 --> 00:12:52,814
Yay!Weirdest goddamn rehearsal
330
00:12:52,816 --> 00:12:54,582
dinner I've ever been to.I'm not understanding
331
00:12:54,584 --> 00:12:56,684
these speeches.I feel like something is
332
00:12:56,686 --> 00:12:59,020
going on.Is this a fantasy league thing?
333
00:12:59,022 --> 00:13:02,256
What? No, no, no.Right? Right?
334
00:13:02,258 --> 00:13:04,559
You screwed me!You gave me traids.
335
00:13:04,561 --> 00:13:06,494
Stop it. I might have gaveyou trerpes.
336
00:13:06,496 --> 00:13:08,596
No, it was full-blowntraids!
337
00:13:08,598 --> 00:13:10,731
Hey, you guys are way tooserious about speeches.
338
00:13:10,733 --> 00:13:12,600
They were all good.Whoa! Kevin, Pete really
339
00:13:12,602 --> 00:13:14,869
just screwed you.Reminds me of when I was in
340
00:13:14,871 --> 00:13:16,938
the league.Speaking of, when are you guys
341
00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:19,240
gonna have that vote aboutvoting me back in the league?
342
00:13:19,242 --> 00:13:21,075
What vote?What?
343
00:13:21,077 --> 00:13:23,177
Jenny said you guys wereholding a vote as to whether I
344
00:13:23,179 --> 00:13:24,879
was gonna be back in the league.Whoops.
345
00:13:24,881 --> 00:13:28,282
Whoops? That's all you haveto say in your little slutty
346
00:13:28,284 --> 00:13:30,918
leprechaun outfit?I think, uh, we got a little
347
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,621
bit off track here, didn't we?And what better way to get back
348
00:13:33,623 --> 00:13:36,524
on track than a speechfrom my Goose?
349
00:13:36,526 --> 00:13:39,227
You want a goose?I'm gonna shove my hand up all
350
00:13:39,229 --> 00:13:41,629
of your asses, pull yourintestines out, and then hang
351
00:13:41,631 --> 00:13:45,265
you with them.Wow.
352
00:13:45,267 --> 00:13:48,870
ALL: Top Groom!Whoo-hoo!
353
00:13:49,927 --> 00:13:51,335
It just hurts.
354
00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:54,073
When he undermines my trades,
it bothers me.
355
00:13:54,193 --> 00:13:57,142
You're sitting here,
complaining to your real wife
356
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,429
about Pete, your fake wife.
357
00:13:59,469 --> 00:14:02,510
I am not complaining to you. I am just
looking to you for a little support.
358
00:14:02,630 --> 00:14:03,948
Guys, where's Ruxin?
359
00:14:04,068 --> 00:14:07,201
Oh, he is still goosing it up over there.
Cap me, Goose.
360
00:14:07,321 --> 00:14:10,122
Well, that's perfect
because I swiped that fool's
361
00:14:10,242 --> 00:14:11,975
hotel key.
When we get back to that
362
00:14:11,977 --> 00:14:13,944
hotel, we're gonna obliterate
that minibar.
363
00:14:13,946 --> 00:14:15,679
That's right.
Let's get out of here.
364
00:14:15,681 --> 00:14:16,881
I want to...
By the way, Kevin,
365
00:14:16,930 --> 00:14:18,176
I heard what you have to say.
Your feelings are valid,
366
00:14:18,296 --> 00:14:20,859
but you're still gonna lose.
Well, at least you
367
00:14:20,979 --> 00:14:22,617
acknowledged the fact that you
hurt me.
368
00:14:22,733 --> 00:14:24,666
So, you guys are staying in
separate rooms?
369
00:14:24,668 --> 00:14:26,668
It's marital tradition.
We sleep in separate rooms.
370
00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:27,515
I won't see her until the
wedding.
371
00:14:27,615 --> 00:14:29,448
Are you jacking off like crazy?
372
00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:32,051
No, I'm saving myself.
I'm practicing fap-stinence.
373
00:14:32,053 --> 00:14:34,053
Hmm.
You guys all know how the
374
00:14:34,055 --> 00:14:37,256
British call masturbating
"fapping."
375
00:14:37,258 --> 00:14:40,125
So I am fap-staining.
(groans)
376
00:14:40,127 --> 00:14:42,127
Okay, wait, you're rocking a
full load of laundry right now?
377
00:14:42,129 --> 00:14:44,129
Yeah.
No, no, no.
378
00:14:44,131 --> 00:14:46,232
Andre, you got to avoid the
juggernut.
379
00:14:46,234 --> 00:14:48,567
The juggernut?
You got a packed Brazilian
380
00:14:48,569 --> 00:14:50,803
nightclub in your pants and
there's only one exit.
381
00:14:50,805 --> 00:14:53,472
As soon as the fire starts,
people are gonna get hurt.
382
00:14:53,474 --> 00:14:55,608
You got to start letting peoepl
out now.
383
00:14:55,610 --> 00:14:57,610
But I don't have my stuff.
I don't have my usual materials.
384
00:14:57,612 --> 00:14:59,612
Fear not.
I'll take care of it.
385
00:14:59,614 --> 00:15:02,047
As my gift to you I will be your
jack butler.
386
00:15:02,049 --> 00:15:04,250
Your right hand's right-hand
man.
387
00:15:04,252 --> 00:15:07,920
(beep)
(whispering): Ruxin.
388
00:15:07,922 --> 00:15:10,623
(whispering): Ruxy?
Ruxin?
389
00:15:10,625 --> 00:15:13,058
Hey, buddy.
Commence...
390
00:15:13,060 --> 00:15:15,094
Let's go.
(grunts)
391
00:15:15,096 --> 00:15:17,096
Taco!
Ten dollars, $20.
392
00:15:17,098 --> 00:15:20,099
Expensive gin.
Expensive American beer.
393
00:15:20,101 --> 00:15:23,802
Beautiful.
Oh, yes, so expensive!
394
00:15:23,804 --> 00:15:28,674
Nuts, go nuts!
$20 chips!
395
00:15:28,676 --> 00:15:31,477
Ruxin just bought a robe!
(whoops)
396
00:15:31,479 --> 00:15:33,946
Guys, guys, guys!
Ruxin wants room service.
397
00:15:33,948 --> 00:15:38,183
(all cheer)
Hello, can we have menu, please?
398
00:15:38,185 --> 00:15:41,287
Lunch and dinner.
ALL:
Shiva Komedi
399
00:15:41,289 --> 00:15:45,457
Somakanakram
Shiva Komedi Somakanakram
400
00:15:45,459 --> 00:15:47,459
Hey!
(beep)
401
00:15:47,461 --> 00:15:49,461
Guys, guys, wait, he's here,
he's here... (shushes)
402
00:15:49,463 --> 00:15:53,098
He's coming.
I can't wait to see his face.
403
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,534
Hey!
What the hell's going on here?
404
00:15:55,536 --> 00:15:57,536
Oh, we thought this was
Ruxin's room.
405
00:15:57,538 --> 00:15:59,538
This is not Ruxin's room.
This is my room.
406
00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:01,540
Oh, he must've switched the
keys.
407
00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:03,542
This is not gonna fly.
And you guys are gonna pay for
408
00:16:03,544 --> 00:16:05,911
this.
409
00:16:05,913 --> 00:16:09,848
Shit!
Run!
410
00:16:09,850 --> 00:16:13,152
Run!
(all clamoring)
411
00:16:13,154 --> 00:16:18,324
I'm about to add five to my
sack total.
412
00:16:18,326 --> 00:16:21,894
He's so big!
Ah, giant Ruxin is coming!
413
00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:23,729
Go, go, go!
Run, you guys, run, run,
414
00:16:23,731 --> 00:16:25,564
run, run, run!
Nobody messes with my
415
00:16:25,566 --> 00:16:27,566
minibar!
J.J., no!
416
00:16:27,568 --> 00:16:29,568
You're mine, meat!
Feed him Ted first.
417
00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:31,503
(laughs)
418
00:16:33,845 --> 00:16:36,126
Andre, since your sister's
not here for me to not have sex
419
00:16:36,216 --> 00:16:38,210
with her, I got you a couple
other gifts.
420
00:16:38,804 --> 00:16:42,271
Ta-da!
Your very own personalized pee bib.
421
00:16:42,391 --> 00:16:43,266
Oh, you got it monogrammed
422
00:16:43,386 --> 00:16:44,516
and everything.
That's for your first piss as
423
00:16:44,518 --> 00:16:48,898
a married man.
And more importantly, got you
424
00:16:49,018 --> 00:16:52,009
some porn.
So you can avoid that juggernut of yours.
425
00:16:52,129 --> 00:16:53,210
Do I really have to do that?
426
00:16:53,330 --> 00:16:54,526
You got to avoid the juggernut.
427
00:16:54,528 --> 00:16:57,262
You take that, throw it in a
DVD player, whip out that little
428
00:16:57,264 --> 00:16:59,598
penis of yours, go to town.
Spit that poisonous venom out of
429
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,600
yourself.
No, no, no.
430
00:17:01,602 --> 00:17:03,602
I'm not gonna do it in front of
you.
431
00:17:03,604 --> 00:17:05,604
I'm your jack butler.
I know how to jerk off.
432
00:17:05,606 --> 00:17:07,606
Do you want to take the shirt
off or you gonna keep it on?
433
00:17:07,608 --> 00:17:10,409
I'm gonna do it by myself.
That's so weird.
434
00:17:10,411 --> 00:17:12,411
Well, get out of here, man.
All right, I want you jerking
435
00:17:12,413 --> 00:17:14,413
off in there in one minute.
All right, go.
436
00:17:14,415 --> 00:17:16,415
No-look jelly.
Bam!
437
00:17:16,417 --> 00:17:18,417
You nasty, tiny jelly.
You nasty.
438
00:17:18,419 --> 00:17:20,886
No.
No, no, too much, Ruxin!
439
00:17:20,888 --> 00:17:23,722
Oh, come on, that's my shirt.
That's our minibar.
440
00:17:23,724 --> 00:17:26,024
Those are my condoms, I was
gonna pretend to use those.
441
00:17:26,026 --> 00:17:28,627
Hey, I would've drank that.
Have you guys seen how
442
00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:31,630
expensive this stuff is?
You know, I know you guys are
443
00:17:31,632 --> 00:17:34,233
worried about J.J. and I.
We settled our differences, and
444
00:17:34,235 --> 00:17:37,269
when I grabbed all of your room
keys, I thought who better to
445
00:17:37,271 --> 00:17:39,405
give them to than this man right
here.
446
00:17:39,407 --> 00:17:41,407
And I know what room you're
in now.
447
00:17:41,409 --> 00:17:43,409
Lobby.
Nailed it.
448
00:17:43,411 --> 00:17:45,244
Hey!
Everything?
449
00:17:45,246 --> 00:17:47,780
You know, dude can't draft
for shit, but he can get even
450
00:17:47,782 --> 00:17:49,915
like a...
Charge it to the room.
451
00:17:49,917 --> 00:17:51,917
To the room!
To the room.
452
00:17:51,919 --> 00:17:54,086
Not to the room.
No, no, no, no, no!
453
00:17:54,088 --> 00:17:56,221
Tap water, drink tap water.
It's delicious.
454
00:17:56,223 --> 00:17:58,424
No, it's not from Fiji.
Look at this, guys.
455
00:17:58,426 --> 00:18:00,426
We got lobster.
This has to be, like, 250 bucks.
456
00:18:00,428 --> 00:18:02,428
Don't-don't open that.
Don't touch the lobster.
457
00:18:02,430 --> 00:18:04,430
J.J., please don't open the
lobster!
458
00:18:04,432 --> 00:18:07,800
Damn it, come on, man!
My wedding is in four hours.
459
00:18:07,802 --> 00:18:09,802
What are you doing?
Getting dressed?
460
00:18:09,804 --> 00:18:14,406
Is that what I think it is?
Um...
461
00:18:14,408 --> 00:18:16,942
no?
No, that's last year's board.
462
00:18:16,944 --> 00:18:20,012
That's not this year's board.
Why does that say 2013?
463
00:18:20,014 --> 00:18:22,748
Uh, because that's the year
it was then, Pixie.
464
00:18:22,750 --> 00:18:27,085
Do you know what?
I am so sick of your bullshit!
465
00:18:27,087 --> 00:18:29,488
I don't even like any of you
people.
466
00:18:29,490 --> 00:18:33,292
You have horrible style.
This is my wedding!
467
00:18:33,294 --> 00:18:35,294
(bleep) your league!
Hey!
468
00:18:35,296 --> 00:18:37,296
(bleep) it!
Relax.
469
00:18:37,298 --> 00:18:39,298
Wow.
Andre!
470
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:42,301
R.I.P. to the league, y'all.
What?
471
00:18:42,303 --> 00:18:44,603
(Andre moaning)
(woman passionately moaning on
472
00:18:44,605 --> 00:18:46,939
computer)
473
00:18:46,941 --> 00:18:54,780
(moans)
(Taco moans)
474
00:18:54,782 --> 00:18:56,782
Almost lost my foreskin on
that one.
475
00:18:56,784 --> 00:18:59,184
Taco?
(groans)
476
00:18:59,186 --> 00:19:01,186
We should clean up before
Andre gets home, right?
477
00:19:01,188 --> 00:19:03,188
Nah, you're family, come on.
Just let it dry.
478
00:19:03,190 --> 00:19:05,324
Heather?
Man, I love Andre's Star Wars
479
00:19:05,326 --> 00:19:07,326
sheets.Oh, God!
480
00:19:07,328 --> 00:19:10,462
I'm gonna throw up.Ooh, hey, honey.
481
00:19:10,464 --> 00:19:12,464
What the hell, Andre?What?
482
00:19:12,466 --> 00:19:14,466
You had a draft at our wedding?
483
00:19:14,468 --> 00:19:16,468
Okay... (stammers)I can explain, look, I wasn't...
484
00:19:16,470 --> 00:19:18,470
I don't want any of yourlies, I don't want any of your
485
00:19:18,472 --> 00:19:20,806
stupid lies.I'm not a liar.
486
00:19:20,808 --> 00:19:22,808
What happened to trust?Please...
487
00:19:22,810 --> 00:19:24,977
What happened to our weekend?Why are your pants unzipped?
488
00:19:24,979 --> 00:19:26,812
I'm doing this for us.I was trying to avoid the
489
00:19:26,814 --> 00:19:28,814
juggernut.The juggernut?
490
00:19:28,816 --> 00:19:30,816
My God, you are not the man thatI thought you were.
491
00:19:30,818 --> 00:19:32,818
No, I am the man, look...I-I got the doves and I got the
492
00:19:32,820 --> 00:19:34,820
three different outfits for thewedding...
493
00:19:34,822 --> 00:19:36,822
How can there be a wedding,Andre?
494
00:19:36,824 --> 00:19:38,824
You cheated on me with yourleague!
495
00:19:38,826 --> 00:19:40,559
All right, please...I can, I can...
496
00:19:40,561 --> 00:19:42,661
Don't-don't-don't cry...Please don't touch me, don't
497
00:19:42,663 --> 00:19:45,063
even touch me... (stammers)I'm gonna ruin my makeup.
498
00:19:45,065 --> 00:19:47,065
Oh, no, no, no!(gasps)
499
00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:49,234
(screams)My eyes!
500
00:19:49,236 --> 00:19:51,236
Sorry, I didn't mean...Stay away from me, you stay
501
00:19:51,238 --> 00:19:53,238
away from me...Okay, I didn't mean to, come
502
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,541
on, I'm so sorry!Trixie, forgive me, come on...
503
00:19:55,543 --> 00:19:59,344
Trixie!No, Trixie, no.
504
00:19:59,346 --> 00:20:03,949
So, wait, you masturbated andshe went blind?
505
00:20:03,951 --> 00:20:05,951
Yeah.
I wonder if she grew hair
506
00:20:05,953 --> 00:20:07,953
on her hands, too?
Why didn't you go with her,
507
00:20:07,955 --> 00:20:10,055
Andre?
She doesn't want me to.
508
00:20:10,057 --> 00:20:13,292
She said it's over.
So, first wife, second wife,
509
00:20:13,294 --> 00:20:15,360
no wife?
Ow.
510
00:20:15,362 --> 00:20:17,529
All right, guys, after
today's events, I think it's
511
00:20:17,531 --> 00:20:19,865
time we put this horseshit
behavior behind us.
512
00:20:19,867 --> 00:20:25,571
One of us is really hurting.
Ruxin?
513
00:20:25,573 --> 00:20:28,206
Am I back in the league?
Would you like to be back in
514
00:20:28,208 --> 00:20:30,242
the league?
Oh, my God.
515
00:20:30,244 --> 00:20:32,644
Come here, guys.
Bring it in, bring it in.
516
00:20:32,646 --> 00:20:35,550
All right.
Yeah, let's celebrate.
517
00:20:35,670 --> 00:20:37,670
Andre, why don't you get us all
a bucket of beers?
518
00:20:37,672 --> 00:20:39,739
Mm-hmm.
But don't put your jizz-riled
519
00:20:39,741 --> 00:20:41,774
hands on 'em, okay?
520
00:20:42,888 --> 00:20:52,957
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
521
00:20:53,007 --> 00:20:57,557
Repair and Synchronization by
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