All language subtitles for The LA Complex s01e01 Down In LA.eng

? Shake it like a ladder
to the sun ?

? Makes me feel like a madman
on the run ?

(phone rings)

Can I call you right back?

I'm just in the middle
of something.

Chris:
You need to come home, Abby.

I know it's not ideal.

I haven't seen you
in six months.

Abby: Oh, uh... I'm so sorry.

I'm gonna call you right back.

Raquel: No, I'm not auditioning
for the mom role,

I'm reading for Cindy.

? You're a zero ?

? What's your name?
No one's gonna ask ?

? You better find out
where they want you to go ?

Couple of months.
That was the deal.

It's been half a year.

Abby:
I can't leave now.

I'm just starting
to get some traction.

This city is all about momentum.

? Climb, climb, climb, oh ?

Assistant choreographer: Two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight.

? can you climb, climb,
climb higher ?

Assistant choreographer: ...
Three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight,

And break!

Alicia:
Breathe,

And you gotta bring
bring water to these things.

You're doing great.

Assistant choreographer:
And again, ladies.

? shake it like a ladder
to the sun ?

Well, babe,
you can still audition

For stuff up here, yeah?

Abby: I don't think you
really understand

How it works down here.

Chris:
And you do?

Well, I'm figuring it out.

? No you're never,
never far gone ?

Man, I saw your set
at the laugh factory last night.

Oh yeah?

(stammering)
it was an off night,

Thanks.

Abby:
Well, you could come down here.

Chris:
I'm crazy with work now.

Can I please call you back?

Abby, are you okay?

Abby: Uh, no, I'm fine.
Everything's great.

(glass shatters,
grunt of effort)

(phone buzzes)

Tariq: Hello?

Jamaica Jay:
What's taking so long?

I'm on my way back.

Man: Dynasty wants apple
pan burgers for lunch.

Tariq: Wha?
That's the opposite end of town.

Jamaica Jay: Ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding!

That's 10 points, Tariq.
Good answer.

Hey, Jay,
I was wondering if later

Maybe I could play you guys
a couple of my beats?

Jamaica Jay?

? You better find out
where they want you to go ?

Okay, look, I'm just saying.

You haven't booked anything,
I know how-

Okay, I've been close
a couple times.

Remember?
The eggo commercial?

And the student film?

I'm not happy.

I don't think you are either,
Abby.

You gotta choose:
It's me or Los Angeles.

(door rattles,
knock at the door)

I'm really sorry,
I have to call you back!

Abby! I have an audition.
I need my stuff!

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
Abby!

(cameras click)

Photographer:
Thanks, we got it.

Is that okay?

It's more than okay, connor.

Connor:
'cause you have to tell me

If you're not getting
what you need.

Couple of months,

This is gonna be on
every billboard in town.

? Was it the cure?
Shellshock ?

? Was it the cure?
Hope not ?

Super:
No, you pay me my rent, Abby!

I don't know
what you think you're doing!

Abby:
I'm really sorry, alex!

Alex:
That bag is collateral.

You don't pay rent,
I get your stuff.

That's my hockey bag!

This lady stole my hockey bag!

Abby!

Abby!

You give me my money!

I just want my money!

(car tires screech)

+

(horns honk,
sirens wail in the distance)

(sighs) look, I'm sorry.

Pick up the phone, chris.

I didn't mean to hang up,
I just...

I'm calling you back.

(hissing)

Seriously?

(hip hop beats play)

(Tariq's phone buzzes)

(mouths
"put the phone down, man")

(phone buzzes)

Abby:
My engine is on fire!

Do engines just do that?
Do they just catch fire?

Tariq: It sounds like
you just overheated.

Do you have any bottles
of water?

Abby: No. Can you please
just come pick me up?

I'm late for
the first real audition

I've had in months.

Tariq:
I can't.

Dynasty is working on
some beats for drake

And it's not going so hot.

They might finally
let me pitch something.

Tariq, this audition
is for alan bernstein.

Do you have any idea
who that is?

Tariq:
I can't leave.

Call a cab.

Abby:
And pay with what money?

Please!

Please, I'm begging you.

? I want to be young ?

? To be a ??
And ?? To fun?? ?

Ah! Okay, okay.

Be honest now,
what do you think of this one?

Yeah, okay.
I think of all my bags,

My favorite bag is this one bag
I keep under the sink.

And all the other bags
know it's my favorite

Because they have to go
inside it.

So they're like,

"man, next time nick needs
to take a banana

And a juice box somewhere,

I'm a goner.

But look at ol'
miracle mart bag,

He ain't even scared."

That's, that's the joke.
That's the whole joke.

Connor: Oh, I probably
just didn't understand.

Tell it to me again.
I'm finally part of a decent line-up tomorrow,

And I'm gonna blow it.

Tell it to me one more time.
I'm so scattered with the move.

Jokes don't get funnier
the second time.

Why're you taking my opinion,
what do I know?

Nick:
Whoa-ho!

Are you throwing these out?

You don't throw out pills.
What's the matter with you?

Can I have these?

What're you gonna do with them?

Nick: I'm gonna sell them
to this guy I work with.

He buys anything
in an orange bottle.

I think he's doing really well
in his personal life.

Raquel: You know they cast
that other doctor part?!

I thought you were gonna
get me an audition.

Yeah, I asked.
No-no, you're the lead.

You don't ask, you tell.

"I want my sandwich,
I want the crust cut off,

And I want my friend
on the show."

Connor: They wanted a different type.
It had nothing to do with me.

Have you seen the bitch
they cast?

We're the exact sa...

How is she a different type?

They said they wanted someone
closer to my age.

Nick:
Oh...

Next time you're "lonely"
at two in the morning,

Call somebody else.

Maybe someone closer
to your age.

Raquel, I didn't mean to...

(nick's phone chimes) great.

Hey, Tariq, what's up?

Abby:
Thank you so much.

You're saving my life.

Oh, no problem.

Tariq got me backstage passes
for lupe fiasco at the greek.

Really impressed this girl
I was trying to date,

So I owe him.

I love lupe fiasco.

Yeah, so did she.

She had sex with him backstage

While I tried to find out
where backstage was.

You know, they should put
a map on those lanyards...

Nick, um,
I don't wanna be rude,

But I really, really,
have to get going.

Oh, yeah.
No, I'm done.

I think maybe running
the air conditioning on full

With no back window
overtaxed it.

Right. And you should
probably pay those,

'cause they're booting
every car they can.

You don't wanna get into it
with the city.

(Abby's phone rings)

Ron, I know.

I'll be there in 20 minutes.

So, hi.
You missed it.

Abby:
No, I can't miss it!

Are they seeing people
tomorrow?

Can you please get me in there?

I'll see what I can do,
but probably not.

Everything okay?

I missed it.

Um, why don't I follow you
back to your place,

Make sure you get home
without breaking down again?

I got evicted;
This is my home.

I eat in the front seat,
I sleep in the back seat.

Okay, but don't tell me
what you do in the glove box.

'cause I feel that's kind of
a personal thing

Between you and the car.

You know, I don't even car
that I live out of my car,

Just as long as it gets me
to auditions.

I think I can help you.

You can get me
into that audition?

No. Uh...

But follow me,
I have another idea.

(Heavy breathing)

Are they always this long?

They're only short
if you get cut.

Assistant choreographer:
We need to see more of seven,

Twelve, twenty,
thirty-five, forty-six,

And fifty-one.

The rest of you can go,
thank you.

Hey, I thought you did
really well.

Fifty-one,
are you coming or going?

Eddie: I can't let her stay here
without a security deposit

And the first week's rent.

Nick: Aw, come on, Eddie, she
just moved here from Canada,

And the bank screwed up the wire
to her american account.

But she's good for it.
You're good for it, right?

Totally. I-I mean,
this isn't the first tim...

And it's not like
you're loosing any money.

It is an empty room Eddie.
Come on.

(sighs)

Chocolate or vanilla?

Um...

Chocolate?

Eddie Demir.
Pleasure.

I need to get paid Friday
at the latest.

Yeah, no,
that's no problem at all.

Huge problem, I'm super broke.

Aw, come on.

Look, we got you
outta your car,

Bought you a few more days
in I.A.

I mean...

I think we're winning.
That's a win, right?

Hmm? Great.

Well, there's a party here
tonight.

I propose we get like
obnoxiously drunk

And try to wash this day away.

What do you say?
That sounds amazing.

Nick:
Well, welcome to the lux.

+

(guttural scream)

(party-goers cheer,
pop rock music plays)

? big city lover ?

? Always undercover... ?

(loud buzz of chatter
and cheers)

(meat sizzles)

What?

We loved teenage wasteland.

You were great in it.

Why did they cancel it
so quick?

We had a bad time slot.

Creators have a new show
set up at CW, right?

You, uh, gonna be involved
in that?

Uh, we're figuring that out.

I'm sure they're gonna
want me to read it.

I can't believe
you don't work more.

Raquel: Uh, I'm actually
pretty choosy.

Right, right.

And I'm thinking about
firing my agents.

And, uh,
the climate right now is-

Yeah, yeah, we wrote a movie.

I don't do internet videos.

Neither do we.
It's a feature.

You'd be great for the lead.

Would you read it?

I'm pretty busy, guys.

You know we live here, right?

We see you laying
by the pool all day.

Can I be in your movie?

Gimme your stupid script.

Okay.

(band plays)

Abby: So did you, um,
pitch your beats today?

No.

Jamaica Jay needed me
to take his dogs

To get their dreads tightened.

Seriously?

Do you know how many tracks
I had to submit

To get this internship?

Why did they even care?

I mean, they said
they wanted a go-getter,

But all they really want
is somebody to go get.

I'm sure they'll give you
a chance soon.

Nine months.

They haven't listened
to a single idea.

Well, then force them
to listen.

Have you listened to rap music?

All it's about is how
you can't force 'em

To do anything.

Fine.
Then stop complaining

And enjoy your life
as a dog chauffeur.

Topless girl:
You guys want some e?

Yes!

(song ends,
party-goers cheer)

(new song begins)

? late night street talk
through the hood ?

? Head back hood
loose in the world ?

? Inside fly, fly,
wish I could ?

? Stay out here for good... ?

(water splashes)

(sighs)

Ooh! Hawt!
Wrong hole, Eddie.

Alicia!
Do mine eyes deceive me?

Yourn eyes do not
deceive you, eddie.

That's Shakespeare.

Do you know that I once did
a production of The Tempest

With Adam Arkin?

Yeah, you told me.

What brings you
to our little party?

You never come to the parties.

Well, I have dance class
most mornings.

I thought you were already
a dancer.

I am.

It's just something
you have to keep working at.

Yeah. Never mind. I just...

I decided to treat myself.

I got this really great
audition

For this Usher tour today.

Ye-ah!

Yeah!
Oh, the song.

Ye-ah!
When do you hear?

By three tomorrow,
at the latest.

Oh, tomorrow and tomorrow,
and tomorrow,

Creeps at our petty pace.

Macbeth? No!
You're not supposed to say it!

Now something totally bad's
gonna happen to you.

Sorry.

Wanna go smoke a joint with me?

Why don't we take you
to your room?

You know you're so nice

That doesn't even seem
dirty to me.

Nick: Abby. Abby, I just wanted
to introduce you to connor.

This is his party
and he paid for all the booze.

So drink up.

Uh, Abby's moving
into your room.

Congrats!
That's the lucky room.

No one's died there.

Nick: Yeah, Connor's pilot
just got picked up,

So he's leaving us common folk

And moving into
a big new mansion.

It's just a house.

It does have a bidet, though.

Does that make me a jerk?

Yeah, it really does.

So, you an actress?

Um, I think you actually have
to have an acting job

To be called that.
Uh, technically,

I'm as much as a ninja
as I am an actress.

Connor:
Aw, come on now,

You look like you'd be
a way better actress.

I don't know, man,
I'm pretty sneaky.

Well, it's your first night
here,

You can't spend it all
on the stairs.

Come on.
Your cup's empty,

Let's get you another drink.

If you insist.

Were you trying to get them
to sleep together?

What? No.

You just brought
the best looking,

Most successful dude
at the party

Over to meet the girl
that you like.

Did the whole lupe fiasco thing
teach you nothing?

I was just...
Don't worry, it doesn't matter anyway.

She's got a boyfriend.

Why isn't she staying
with him then?

Well, he's back in toronto.

Long distance?!
Oh please.

I can work with
long distance, okay?

Trust me, eventually
he's gonna do something

To really piss her off,

And then all you have to say
is something like...

For a guy who claims
to love you,

He's not very supportive.

Right?

I mean, it takes time,

But if you're talented,
it's not a question of if,

It's just a question
of when, you know?

Most people come down here

And they give it
a couple of months,

They get frustrated,
so they pack up and go home

With their tail
between their legs.

But the trick is to stay,

'cause it's all about momentum,
you know?

I literally said the same thing
this morning.

He doesn't understand
why I can't just try

And be an actress in toronto.

Then he doesn't really
understand you.

Enough about me.

This is your night.

Your show got picked up!

Aren't you just so excited?

Your parents must be
bursting with pride.

Uh, I haven't really seen
my mom since I was a kid

And my dad doesn't really
care either way.

I'm not sure
he even knows about it.

I'm sorry.

No, don't worry about it.
It's, uh...

And yeah, I am totally excited.

I haven't even really done
a guest spot

And now I'm a lead.

I hate you.

Well, I fooled 'em good

'cause I'm pretty sure
they're gonna figure out

That they've made
a terrible mistake soon enough.

Well, if it doesn't work out,

Maybe I'll let you be
a ninja with me.

I'm pretty upset
that you're moving in

Just as I'm moving out.

You should be.
I'm pretty awesome.

You know, if you need to crash
in your room one more night,

I'm sure we could work
something out.

Sorry.
I shouldn't be doing that.

+

(helicopter beats overhead)

(moans groggily)

Good morning.

Yeah...

Um...

Say, chum,

You wore a condom
last night, right?

No...

No.

Why the hell not?

I thought you said
that you were on something.

Yeah, drugs.

What, you couldn't feel
that it was just skin?

I was on e, dude.

The whole world felt like skin.

I'm clean.
I just got tested, so...

Yeah, me too.

Well, I didn't get tested,
but I was with only one guy.

(sighs)

Uh...
Well, I guess we should

Get one of those, you know,

Morning after things.

Yeah, I guess we should.

Look, I'm sorry.

Um, I was pretty drunk
last night.

I...
I should know better.

No, I was there too,
it's not all on you.

Um...

This is gonna sound
really lame,

But, uh, you're gonna
have to buy it

Because I'm super broke.

Oh, of course.

Come on, I'll get you
some breakfast too.

Breakfast and an abortion pill!

And they say there are
no good guys in L.A.

Well, there's one.

Raquel: Okay, I just don't why
I had to find out about it

At a party.

I downloaded the breakdowns.

They've been casting
for a week.

Come on, I have a great
relationship with them,

You have to get me in there.

Well, call 'em again.

Okay, bye.
Hey!

I uh...
I just wanted...

I had a bad audition

And I saw that girl they cast
on your stupid show,

And um...

I was a bitch yesterday.

Yesterday?

Hey, idiot,

I'm trying to apologize to you.

Oh. Please,
don't let me stop you.

I know you think you did
everything you could

To get me an audition
for your show,

So...

Thank you,

And I'm sorry.

Wow!

So that is what an apology
from you sounds like.

- Are we good?
- Uh, depends.

Can I call you at two
in the morning?

Maybe.

Abby:
Ready. Sorry.

Oh my god,

Are you Raquel Westbrook?

Sure am.

Oh. I was completely addicted
to Teenage Wasteland.

I grew up idolizing you.

We had a bad time slot.

What're you doing here?
She lives here.

You do?! Why?

Connor: Okay, we should...
We should go.

Okay, well, I just moved in,

So we're neighbors.

Awesome!
See you around, okay?

Can't wait.

So cute.

Connor: Bye.
Raquel: Bye.

Abby: Hi, Nick!
Connor: Morning.

Hi. Hello.

Man, that guy does not
waste any time.

Can you blame her?

He's like the Australian
Josh Du-ham-el.

No good.

Hey, D, if you have a second,

I thought I could play you
a couple of my beats.

Dynasty: Tariq, do I look
like I have time to help you

With your songs right now?

Tariq:
I don't want your help,

I wanna help you.

What did you just say?

Tariq:
'kay, that came out wrong.

Jamaica Jay: This man doesn't
need your help, Tariq.

Look, you've all felt
kinda stuck

On these new Drake beats.

I got some really good
stuff here,

And I thought I could give you
some jumping-off points

You hadn't considered.

Jamaica Jay:
Yo, um, Tariq,

Why don't you just
get the hell out of here?

- Why don't you just
- Look, you hired me because I was good,

You listened to my stuff-

Jamaica Jay: You ain't good, man!
We chose you at random

From a stack of packages.

You got passed
the security check

And got hired.
That's it!

Ain't nobody ever
heard your tracks.

Come on now, D,
these are good beats.

There's something
you can use here.

'kay, I'm gonna give you
one shot.

Play one track.

All right.

(Tariq's track plays)

Stop. Stop!

Jamaica Jay: Man, they
sampled this already, man.

"Snitches be bitches"
back in the '90s.

Two seconds later,
I do something coo-

Dynasty:
Then maybe that's where

You should've started
the track.

'cause all I heard was
just the derivative part.

You know what?
Guys, let's get back to work.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, D,
let me just play one-

No, no, no, no, no.
You had your chance, man.

Now why don't you
just clean all this up,

And when you're done,

Find some other stuff
to clean up,

Then clean up yourself.

Nick:
I'm glad they slept together.

Honestly.
I mean, why am I down here?

To date girls?
To work at a cafe of the stars?

No, I'm down here
to focus on my career.

Anything that's
not comedy related

Is a distraction anyway,

And she would have been
really distracting.

Hey, you have your first
big show tonight.

Focus on that, you'll be great.

Okay, you're right.

(Alicia's phone rings)

Hello?

Yeah...
I can work tonight.

Okay, thanks.

Whoa, whoa.
What?

This Usher tour
was the best audition

I've ever done,

And I haven't heard a thing.

It was only yesterday.

I know.

I was hoping
I would've heard by now.

We all should've heard by now.

(low hum of traffic)

Pharmacist:
Forty-eight dollars.

Okay.

Say, uh,

Where's the price break at
with these things?

I'm sorry?

Like if we bought 6 or 12,
do they get cheaper?

We don't sell
the morning after pill

By the dozen, sir.

No. Yeah, I know.
Just a long shot here.

Would it be
totally inappropriate

If I asked for your number?

We'll go now.

And thank you for your this;

I'm sure we'll be seeing
a lot of each other.

(chuckles)

I had to try,
she was so pretty.

You understand.
Absolutely.

So how do you wanna do this?

You want me to hang around

Or is this the type of thing
you'd like to be alone for?

Naw, this is probably gonna
knock me on my ass

And I don't want you to see
what I look like clammy.

Besides, you have to move
into your mansion.

It's not a mansion,
it's just a house.

And, I mean,
I don't really want to,

It's just my manager said
it was a good investment.

But anyway I'm more
than happy to hang out

And take care of you if...

Last night was a mistake,
right?

You mean the totally
reckless sex

Or the whole thing?

I have a boyfriend.

Look,

You have some stuff
to figure out,

And I can't help you
because I'm super biased.

So take your time,
figure it out,

And when you do,
gimme a call me.

Or not, if you...

Depending.

Bye.

Bye.

(phone rings)

Hi, Ron.

So, hi.

They're seeing people again
today

For the bernstein thing,

And I got you in.

You did?!

Ron:
It's a singing part.

You're cool with that, right?

Abby:
I'm totally cool with that.

(relieved sigh)
good. I'll confirm you.

You have an hour
to get to the lot.

Good luck, kiddo.

Thanks.
I'll be there.

"Taking this medication
will cause extreme

And debilitating nausea."

Of course!

(annoyed sigh) of course.

(phone rings)

Of course.

+

I would totally give you
a lift,

But I just got called back in
for a re-shoot.

I'm already late.

Dammit.

Everyone else I know
isn't picking up their phone.

Connor: I think there's maybe
a bus you could catch,

It might get you close.

Abby:
A bus, eh?

Well, I don't think
I've ever met anyone

Who's taken public transit
in L.A.

Connor:
How bad could it be?

Abby:
Guess I'm about to find out.

Please tell my parents
I love them

When I end up murder raped.

Ah, will do.
Break a leg, huh?

Bye.

Raquel:
Well, I should be on the list.

I'm friends with samantha,
the producer.

I'm sure she's fine with it.

Raquel?

Samantha! Hey!

Um, they say they don't
have me on the list,

But my agents said
I was confirmed,

So I don't know
what happened there.

Can I still audition?

Uh... I think your agents
made a mistake.

Um, well, I'm here already,

And I know I can kill
this beatrice role.

So, let me just read for you?

We kind of decided to go
another way with beatrice.

How so?

Well...

We're going black.

You're...

Samantha:
So, sorry for the mix up.

It says colorblind casting
though.

That's kind of code
for "ideally not white."

I mean, I don't want
an all white show, you know?

It doesn't really
reflect reality, so...

Okay, so you're making
the best friend black.

That's just kind of a cliche,

Don't you think?

Excuse me?

Well, I mean,
who has a black best friend?

Right?

Like, in real life?

If you are trying to be
all authentic,

I mean, like, you?

Do you have
a white best friend?

Do any of you have
a white best friend?

No. Right? See?

It's just kind of a...
It's a tv-only thing.

Uh, I'd just really
like to read,

That's all I'm saying.

This is the way
the network wants it.

Okay.

Sometimes I can pull off
latina?

We'll keep you in mind.

Okay.

Hey, did you hear about
the usher audition yet?

No. They said we'd hear
by three.

Call me if you wanna celebrate!

Or garden!

? When I'm alone ?

? I wanna see you tonight ?

? I wanna see you
when I'm alone ?

? I wanna see you tonight ?

? I wanna see you ?

(grunts of effort)

(objects clatter)

(sighs)

(clears throat)

Hey, guys, I'm Abby.

Hi there.
Alan bernstein.

Have you had a chance
to look at the song?

Um... Honestly,
no.

Oh.
That's a refreshing approach.

Well, my agent just told me
about this like an hour ago

And then I had to take
the bus here,

Which made me kind of late

And then they said
you had to leave soon,

So I kind of just got shoved
in here.

You see my car got booted
and I'm broke

And I have a lot
of parking tickets,

But you don't need
to know any of that.

I've blown it, haven't I?

Yeah, very possibly.

Look, Abby,
uh, the song doesn't matter.

Okay? We just need to know
if you can sing.

Can I sing an original?

No.
You need to take requests.

Uh...
"taking care of business"!

You know,
"8:15, into the city..."

I'm joking.
Sing whatever you want.

(awkward exhale) okay...

Do you mind?
Sorry.

All right, uh, yeah.
We'll, uh, try this out.

? You get up every morning ?

? From your alarm clock's
warning ?

? Take the 8:15
into the city ?

Jamaica Jay: Send these three
tracks to Drake's people.

You got the address?

Tariq:
Yeah, I got the address.

Well, what're you waiting for?

And when you're done make sure
you get me that burger,

That cheeseburger
from "in and out burger," okay?

Cheeseburger, no cheese.

Just the cheese sauce
dripping on the burger.

Perfect.
How I like it.

You got it.

(mouse clicks)

Abby: ? I've been taking
care of business ?

? 'til nine ?

? taking care of business ?

? And working overtime ?

? Work out ?

Alan Bernstein: Abby, that was...
That was actually...

Pretty not bad.

Listen, if you have time,

Uh, we can get you some sides.
Maybe you could...

(vomits and coughs)

Abby:
Oh my god!

I am so, so sorry.

I was really concentrating on
not throwing up.

I thought I had it licked.

You did not.

I'm not contagious or anything.

I just took
the morning after pill

Like an hour ago.
Oh...

You don't need to know
any of that.

Um... What were you saying again
about those sides?

Maybe you should come back
when you're feeling better.

No-no-no,
I'm feeling better right now.

Abby, there's an old saying
in show business:

When there's vomit
on the piano,

It's time to stop the audition.

Yeah, okay.

(hum of traffic,
siren wails in the distance)

(bus rumbles)

Paul F. Tompkins:
Ladies and gentlemen,

Thank you so much
for being here.

Give yourselves
a round of applause

For coming out tonight.

That's enough, that's enough.

Well, ladies and gentlemen,
the other day

A friend and I were talking
about genetic engineering -

And no, we weren't high.

(audience chuckles)

And my friend was saying
how great it would be

If you could have, um, a cat

And make it as big as a dog,
right?

Like take a regular old
house cat and...

You're standin'
right next to her.

I am, yeah.
I'm a really big fan.

And I of you.

You... Are you?

That's... Okay,

You're gonna have to tell me
if you're joking.

You're so funny.

I don't think I have to.

Okay, your story about
dating Rush Limbaugh?

That's like...

I watch it over and over again,

I'll tell all my friends
about it.

That's a Mary Lynn
Rajskub story.

Yeah. Very famous,
beloved, iconic story

Told by Mary Lynn Rajskub.

(stammers) that's why I...

I'm Sarah Silverman.

You're... Just because
we're both female comics,

And we're both jewish,

We're just interchangeable
in your mind?

No, I didn't say that.
You're Jewish?

I didn't mean it
like that at all.

Oh, so now I can't be Jewish.

You can absolutely be Jewish,
or anything...

What is wrong with you?
Seriously!

There's a lot wrong.
I'm just... I'm nervous.

Why don't you just call me
Whoopi Goldberg?

Paul F. Tompkins: Uh, I have
to go for a little bit.

I will be back, uh, as a reward

For your sitting through
this next comedian,

Ladies and gentlemen.

Uh, this is a guy
I've never heard of,

And don't expect to
in the future.

Please welcome,
uh, Rick Banger.

Rick Banger,
ladies and gentlemen.

That's not my name, but okay.

It's, uh... It's, uh, wagner.
Nick Wagner.

Get it right next time, Paul!

Paul F. Tompkins:
No.

Right.

Uh, uh...

So the other day
I'm at this diner

And this guy demands
two straws - two.

I mean, is his glass...
I forgot to bring up my water.

(stammering)
I need it for this to, um...

Waitress, uh, can I have a...?
I just...

Sorry, I'm just doing a...

Look, you know what?

I'm gonna come back to it later

And it'll be like a bonus,
like a joke bonus for you guys.

Paul: (laughs)
Mary: Oh my god.

Okay, pressing on.

I think of all my bags,

My favorite bag is this one bag
I keep under the sink.

This is really hard hitting.

Nick: And all the other
bags know it's my favorite

Because they have to go
inside it.

So they're like "man, next time
nick needs to take a banana

And a juice box somewhere,
I'm a goner.

But look at that
old miracle mart bag,

He ain't even scared.

(laughs) doesn't
even make any sense.

Nick:
Uh...

Um, everyone here
does laundry, right?

(smattering of laughter
and boos throughout room)

+

(din of chatter)

Mary: Yup, never wear deodorant.
Paul: Not never?

Nick: Thanks, guys. Great show.

Mary: Hey! I liked it.
It was like a warm bath.

You know,
like a warm unfunny bath

That made everybody
uncomfortable

And wanna get out.

No, Nick, don't listen to her.

I thought it was
a soothing bunch of nothing.

Yeah, it kinda reminded me
of like prop comedy,

But with no props.

Well, I'm still smoothing out
some of the-

Yes, that will help.

It needs to be smoother.

Okay, Nick,

The question is, who are you?

You know,
besides the paper bags

And the straws
and the cat food.

Well, no, see,
I find it refreshing

To see an up and comer

Who has genuinely
zero point of view.

Look, if you guys have
any constructive criticism

I'd love to hear it.

Okay, I know.

You should try playing
smaller rooms.

Like, uh, your apartment,

Or in the bathroom,
talking into the mirror.

Paul: You know, I'd
go even smaller.

Like maybe
if there's an open mic

In a vortex of some kind.

You know, a space that holds
minus people.

Okay. Okay.

Paul:
No, nick, don't go.

Ask for constructive
criticism again!

She beat me to it.
Gimme the set-up!

You're drunk.

Paul:
Yes.

Listen, I'm gonna say
something nice.

Okay.

You should quit.

That wasn't nice.

Well, it sounded like
it was going to be nice.

Right.
Yeah.

D, I'm-

We gave you three beats
to send to drake

And somehow he ended up
getting four.

Any idea on how that happened?

All right.
Look, D,

I didn't move down here,
away from everyone that I love,

To run around town
getting hamburgers.

You got to be inside
a professional recording studio

For nine months!

You got to see
how all this works,

How I run my business.

You're a kid,
this is how it's done,

And you're welcome.

Wait. Did Drake
like my beat?

Drake liked my beat.

No, Drake liked my beat.

It had my name on it,
so it belongs to me now.

Am I still fired?

Did I say you were fired?

Get up out of here
before I change my mind.

Raquel: Hey.

Did you guys
actually write this?

Cam: Yeah.

Did you actually read it?

Raquel: Yeah.

And?

Do you have any money
to put this thing together?

Not yet.

But you wanna direct it?

Cam: Absolutely.

Not up for debate.

Have you directed anything else?

Um, some shorts.

We went to USC.

Right, so you're never
getting money for this then.

Cam:
Uh, wait,

I think we only need
like a million five.

Oh!
Only a million five.

Okay, that should be easy

For two guys who don't even
have an imdb page.

Kevin: Stop.
Okay, why're you being so mean?

Here's what I'm gonna do
for you.

I'm with the biggest agency
in town,

And I'm gonna walk this
into them.

I'm gonna sell them
on your "unique style"

And your "singular vision"

And they're gonna package
this up

And get it made.

What's in it for you?
I'm playing the lead.

Okay?

Okay.

I'll be in touch.

Kevin:
You liked it, didn't you?

It was all right.

(mouthing "oh my god")

(ripping)

(ripping)

(exhales calmly)

(pen clicks)

(sighs)

(kettle clanks onto stove)

(hangers clatter lightly)

(bags rustle)

?

?

Alicia:
Hey.

You just moved in here, right?

Abby: Yeah, I'm Abby.

Alicia. Helps if you unpack.

Abby: I'm thinking
about going home.

Yeah. A lot of that
going around.

My parents don't want me
down here,

And my boyfriend just told me
to move back or else...

And I threw up
on my favourite director, so...

Maybe I don't belong down here.

I mean, even if I get in
the right room,

With the right people,
with the right outfit,

What are the odds?

I still have to be
the funniest,

Or the hottest
or the most talented

Or whatever crazy,
specific thing

They want that day.

You can give everything
you have here

And it still might not
be enough.

So the smartest move
is to leave.

Makes sense.

You need help unpacking?

I'm gonna get evicted next week;
I'm broke.

All you need is money.
Money's easy.

I'm an illegal immigrant;
I can't work here.

I can get you an under
the table job like tonight.

Seriously?!
That would be amazing.

What kind of job?

(music plays,
men whoop and holler)

?

(whistling and cheering)

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0