Original subtitles

[TYRES SCREECHING]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[EXPLODES]

CAB DRIVER: Hey, mister, you need a cab?

Good evening.

I swear, baby, you are a sight for a working girl's eyes.

Come on, shake it, baby, I got promises to keep.

Hey.

[HORN HONKING]

[SCREAMING]

[SIRENS WAILING]

Be nice.

What's the story, Baker?

Well, the deceased is one Victor O'Connor.

Age 38. Five feet 11 inches. 160 pounds.

Born in Trenton, been driving for... What are you writing, his biography?

Why don't you just tell us what happened, huh?

It's the same as the others. Whoever killed him took all the money. That girl over there found him.

Oh, um, you take the dead body. I'll take the one that's breathing.

Naturally. Sorry.

HUTCH: What's the diagnosis, Carboni?

CARBONl: Lights out an hour or two ago.

Strangulation.

Guy must have a grip like a set of bolt cutters.

What do you mean? Well, it's just like the other two.

You're gonna have to forgive me, Carboni. We're new on this case. What are you talking about?

It's the third cabbie in the past two weeks.

Same MO, huh?

Crushed trachea as well as vertebrae.

And from the imprints on the throat, it seems like he did it with one hand.

Thanks.

Did you get a good look at him?

Come on, honey, I already been through all that with Buster Brown over there.

How's business lately?

OK, coach.

He was sporting one of those close-cut Van Dykes.

And he had a set of fancy evening threads.

You know, a hat, cane and a funeral coat.

And he walked with a limp. Yeah?

The Toulouse-Lautrec story.

I call it as I see it, darling.

I wanna go home. You get anything yet?

It looks like a robbery.

Must have been the passenger. There's still a fare in the meter.

$1.80. So wherever they picked up this wacko must've been pretty close, huh?

You'll make a detective yet, Baker.

Don't forget the exhaust pipe. Exhaust pipe?

DOBEY: Toulouse-Lautrec?

Don't blame the messenger for the message, Captain.

Look, there's been three murders in ten days,

and all you clowns can come up with is some clown from the late show.

Captain, I don't even know why you're coming down on us. It's not even our case.

Well, it is now. I'm taking Henderson off and putting you two on it.

And I don't wanna see you breathing easy until these nuts are off the street.

You're talking about "nut," as in singular, aren't you?

I'm talking about "nuts," as I said, in the plural.

Would you send Yvonne in with the sketches, please?

Captain, the MOs are identical in all three cases.

It's gotta be the same guy. Continue reading.

All three are robbery and strangulation.

All three are the same time of the morning. The guy even hit the same cab company three times.

Now try matching the descriptions with the suspects.

Thank you, Yvonne.

The suspect in the first murder was described as a 60-year-old skid-row cripple.

STARSKY: What about the second one?

HUTCH: Long-haired Caucasian, medium, about 20-25.

And for the third murder, you come up with the description of Toulouse-Lautrec.

And talking about matching MOs!

You think there are three different ones?

They all belong to the one-armed strangulation club.

What do you mean by that, Hutchinson?

What does that mean? I'll tell you what it means, Captain.

It means that some guy out there is some freak who loves a masquerade.

Ah!

[LAUGHING]

Good morning, Gramps.

Oh, Lionel, what a tasty hour to be traipsing in.

Gramps, you know how those opening-night parties are.

Why, you're almost as bad as your father.

And you know how the women and liquor killed him in the...

And now would you mind returning the bishop to Q3?

I may be blind, but I am still in the ball game.

You sure are, Gramps. Now, don't be bashful, Lionel.

Tell me about your performance. Oh...

Gramps...

Gramps, it was splendid.

Well, listen to this.

"Lionel Fitzgerald.

Third generation of the famed theatrical family..."

Ah, and I thought they'd forgotten us.

"Gave us a Macbeth last night...

that shall live for a long, long time in this reviewer's memory...

demonstrating brilliantly the acting genius...

synonymous with the name Fitzgerald."

Oh, bravo. Bravo, Lionel.

Oh, you surely must've been something to see.

Yes, Gramps. You would've been proud of me.

Oh, most certainly.

But now you'd best get to bed and get yourself some good sleep.

I suppose you have another big night ahead of you.

Yes.

Another big night.

Is the manager in? Uh, talk to the Jamaican.

If you can get a word in edgewise.

[PHONE RINGS]

It's bad, it's fab, it's Metro Cab.

OK, ofay, your coach is on its way.

This is Rockin' St Jacques, that voodoo doc,

with a call from the Hilton at 3:00.

MAN [ON RADIO]: Hey, number six needs some money.

Then go for it, honey.

And while you cruise, let's dig some blues.

[PLAYS AND SINGS J AMES BROWN'S "PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG"]

Are you, uh, Jamaican?

[PHONE RINGS]

No, I'm a Swede with lead poisoning.

Hello, Save the Whale Foundation.

Cheese and anchovies.

Baby, the only thing that I bake is liquorice pizza.

Now, does this look like a pasta joint to you?

No, what I...

I'd like to talk to you, if you don't mind turning that racket down.

You got it.

[MUSIC STOPS]

Now, if it's about my boys getting dead,

Kingston St Jacques, whoo, at your service.

Ow!

Well, uh, do you have any idea why these guys keep hitting your cab company? Keep hitting Metro?

I mean, there are five or six other companies in town.

No, man, I don't know.

I'm just a hired hand waiting for my big break.

Your, uh, big break? Yeah, baby. Top 40.

As in AMIFM. I am the Rasta man's answer to Wolfman Jack.

Dynamite, we gonna get down tonight.

Right. Right on!

Look, I'd just like to check out your trip sheets on the two drivers who died.

You got it.

Have a banana, blondie.

Let's see here. Let's see.

This is Clark's schedule the night he was dusted, and here's Hobson's.

Seems like these two drivers picked up fares at the same spot.

Third and Main. We got a stand down there.

Red-light district. Pimping. Porno.

All-night movies.

I picked up O'Connor's trip sheet this morning.

But he never entered the pick-up location of his last fare.

You found him on Elmwood, didn't you?

At the corner of Allen St, and there was $1.80 in the meter.

How far would that be in miles?

$1.80. Let's see.

See, with an 80-cent flag drop and 20 cents a quarter-mile, that would be...

a mile-and-a-quarter ride. Mile and a quarter.

Where would Third and Main be from there?

See... Uh...

An inch and two-eighths, or a mile and a quarter.

Mile and a quarter. That's the red-light stand again. Thanks a lot.

Look, I hope that you find this dude soon.

I mean, aside from the obvious human element...

half our drivers have already quit.

You're having trouble finding new ones, huh?

Are you kidding? A man would have to be a godforsaken fool to want to sign with us right now.

The man told me I could pick up an application here.

Hey, you're new, aren't you? Yeah.

Kind of foxy too. I'll be, uh, working downtown tonight if you get lonely, fella.

Sorry, I don't go that route.

Well, at least you don't keep it in the closet like a lot of guys.

Oh, um, well, uh...

On second thoughts...

I, uh...

My name's Dave, and I am lonely.

KC, lonely boy, K C McBride.

How are you doing? Play the guitar?

Honey, you are looking at Erie County's answer to Loretta Lynn.

Gonna, you know, make a career out of country-western, huh?

Yeah. But if my luck doesn't change soon,

it's gonna be the Oblivion Express right back to South Buffalo.

Lackawanna blues. Excuse me, I gotta boogie.

Oh, hey, well, how about some chow later? We can, uh, discuss...

Changing your politics a little there, huh, lonely boy?

Hey, hey, I don't mind a few kinks in the road of life.

[SINGING] Nobody loves you Quite like you do

Never heard of the energy crisis, huh? What did Kingston have to say?

Well, aside from the money, O'Connor was also missing a good-luck piece.

Yeah? What did it look like?

Well, it was a gold medallion with an inlay of turquoise. Here, he made a sketch of it.

Interesting, huh? Let me look at it.

Oh, get this. This is weird.

Not only were all the victims' cabs Metro,

but they were all old checker cabs like this one.

So maybe there's a lot of them here.

Uh-uh, only got five in a fleet of 50. You're just lucky to get one of them.

It's my karma. Yeah.

Here.

And, uh, check out that stand at Third and Main as much as possible.

All the cabbies picked up their last fares down there.

Terrific. Maybe I'll get lucky and be strangled tonight.

Oh, come on.

[ENGINE STARTS]

LIONEL: Just a... Just a touch more shadow, don't you think? Don't you think?

GRAMPS: Oh, Lionel, you're playing King Lear, not Auntie Mame.

Now, hush up. I do appreciate your help, Gramps.

You know, that make-up man down at the Savoy has got about as much finesse as a bloody stump.

There.

Just a hint of rouge for a rash disposition.

There, Lionel, my lord, you are ready for your entrance.

Not quite, Gramps.

[THUNDER CRASHING]

KC [SINGING]: You see Every golden hair in place

Your shiny white-capped teeth

You're leaving me one more time

For a night out on the town

Thinking I'll be waiting here

When you come back around

Nobody loves you Quite like you do

[SNORING]

Even though you think The whole world cares

Nobody loves you Quite like you do

Ah, but one day you'll see

You really needed me

But I won't be around you Anywhere

Hey.

Oh, bravo. Hey, that was terrific. Yeah, you were snoring right on key.

I was listening. You even missed the rain.

What? Oh.

You're a nice guy, you know that? You invite a girl out for pizza by candlelight,

and then you fall asleep for dessert.

I'm sorry, KC. Besides, I was dreaming of you.

Oh, somebody please get me a shovel.

Oh, but I'm all rested up now. Yeah?

Yeah, well, this girl's already gone. Hmm?

Well, what about me?

Just keep your nose clean and your mind dirty.

Oh.

[ENGINES STARTING]

To the strip, my man, and I need to be there, like, yesterday.

Look, could you take the cab behind me? I'm waiting for someone.

Say, man, I don't care if you're waiting on the shah of Iran.

Now, I'm running late, and I need to motivate.

But there's another cab. You're just wasting your time, my man.

You're not kidding.

Good evening.

Say, my man, you wanna step on it? I mean, like, I turn into a pumpkin at sunrise.

Don't push it, son. I've had a long night.

Say what?

Well, now, if you're tired and run-down,

I got enough recreational stimulants here

for a travelling crime factory.

Here comes the pitch.

Man, I got whites for that run-down feeling.

And I got yellows for iron-poor blood.

And I got reds to just plain get down and boogie.

Your mama know you're doing this? I got truly rude 'ludes.

I got DMT, PCP

and a virtual smorgasbord of snappers, poppers,

and not to mention the Venezuelan whiff.

I whiffed at the office.

And you know something, my man,

with these, you could win an Olympic decathlon.

Police, chump. You just made a sale.

Oh, wow, man. I was only kidding.

[SIGHS]

You sure you wanna get out here, pop?

Strange time and place to be going for a walk.

Pray, do not mock me: I am a very foolish and fond old man.

What did you say?

To deal plainly, I fear I am not in my perfect mind.

What's that? Act four, scene seven.

[YELLS]

Man, you guys can't hold me on no lousy medallion.

And how about impersonating a medicine cabinet

with intent to sell, dummy?

Look, I'm cooperating as much as I can.

And I tell you, I found the thing. I mean, the dude just threw it away.

Right in front of you, and you didn't get a look at him?

Like I said, man, he was an older dude with a long coat.

Regular eagle eye, ain't you?

What are you guys doing here?

I don't know. Where would you like us to be?

Try Elmwood and North.

Number four? They just found the body.

STARSKY: I seen him around Metro, I think. Name's Benson.

Joseph Riley Benson, sir. 43 years of age.

Baker, how come you're always first on the scene?

Just lucky, I guess. Here's his trip sheet.

And I found this map in the glove compartment.

What does the trip sheet say?

Same as the others. Third and Main.

I was working there last night. Four deaths in four identical cabs.

What is it with these things?

Maybe the guy doesn't dig their styling.

Why is it always the same cab stand?

Maybe something happened down there, something the guy doesn't like. Something to kill for, maybe.

Hmm. What you got?

It's a report of an accident Joseph Benson was in.

Cab company makes you fill these things out if you come in with a dent in your fender.

What did he hit? According to this, a dog.

A dog.

The mechanic says, minor damage to right-front fender, traces of blood.

So, what's the big deal?

Aside from the fact this thing is dated over two years ago,

these accident reports are usually the confidential property of the cab company.

Why did Benson have it? Why don't we go ask our local DJ.

Someone broke into it yesterday while I was out.

No, thank you. I got a bunch of them.

Maybe Benson was trying to clean his record.

If he was, there's a whole lot of them that he missed.

He was in other accidents?

Benson? He was always hitting something.

Especially the bottle. I'm gonna check his locker.

Got the key? Yes, sir, I do.

Officer.

Number 19.

Man. They let anyone on the force these days.

HUTCH: Tell me about it.

You were working the night of that accident, right?

Yeah. MAN [ON RADIO]: Cab 24,

free at the airport.

Well, uh, sit tight, because it's all right.

A convention of dental technicians coming in tonight.

Yeah, I was working that night, but it was no big thing.

As I remember, Benson pulled in around 6 in the morning, semi-wasted.

Said that he'd hit a dog or something.

Benson hit something that night, but it wasn't a dog.

I found this in his locker, dated two years ago. Same day as the report.

Zebra Three.

WOMAN [ON RADIO]: Records show one Lionel Fitzgerald left County General last month

but left no forwarding address.

Does he have any relatives?

A grandfather of the same name at 1427 Lennox.

That's near where we found that medallion.

[SIREN WAILS]

Zebra Three on call to 1427 Lennox.

We're gonna have to finish this a little later on, Gramps.

Whatever happened to good manners?

Mr Fitzgerald? Who is asking?

Police.

You've proof of that?

Very well. So you're a hero.

Now, what is it you want?

We're looking for your grandson.

If you find him, let me know.

I've not entertained the bloody rake in over two weeks.

You live here by yourself? Old and neglected.

While my grandson has set himself up in grand style

at the Ambassador Hotel.

Well, what is it you want, gentlemen? What do you want to know?

We'd like to question your grandson about some murders.

Lionel?

No. Why, Lionel is one of the gentlest and mildest souls that ever lived.

Besides being one of our finest young actors.

I thought his career in the theatre was finished.

GRAMPS: Oh, no, no.

As a matter of fact, Lionel is a...

[DOOR CREAKING]

If you wanna snoop around like a basset hound,

you'd best provide a search warrant in Braille.

Well, there's no need to get violent, Mr Fitzgerald.

Gentlemen...

You'll excuse me if I don't show you to the door.

What theatre did you say Lionel was playing at?

The Savoy.

And he's an absolute smash.

Mr Fitzgerald, the Savoy has been closed for over a year.

You think the old man's on the level? Not about living alone he's not.

How's that?

Well, he says he's blind. He's got the morning paper sitting on his table.

Come on, let's go to the Ambassador, check out Fitzgerald III.

I'll check it out. You're going back in the cab business.

You were absolutely splendid, Gramps.

Thanks, Gramps.

You lied to me, Lionel.

The Savoy Theatre has been dark for over a year.

Where have you been going all these nights?

To the movies.

There are theatres that show them all the way to dawn.

Dreadful pictures, mostly.

But at least it's a refuge for the misfits.

The deserted.

Crippled.

Lionel. Lionel.

Where are you going? Why are you all dressed up like this?

Please, Gramps, let me go.

No. Don't leave. I won't let you. I'll call the police.

You will not call the police, Gramps.

[WHISTLES] [YELLS]

Hiya, how you doing?

Dreaming I was somewhere else, till you came along.

What time is it? 5:00.

Where you going?

I am heading for a nervous breakdown if I don't get some shut-eye.

Don't try to call me, 'cause it will be off the hook.

Could you give an old lady a lift?

STARSKY: Oh, oh, I was just finished for the night.

Yeah, but I'm sure he'd be very happy to take you anywhere you'd like to go, ma'am.

Why, thank you both.

Where would you be without me? Home.

Don't run into anything.

Could you drive through the park?

I'd like to see the sun rise

through the trees.

[TYRES SCREECHING]

GRAMPS: Help! Help! Let me out. Help!

[POUNDING]

Help! Let me out! Help!

You let me out of here. Open up this door.

Lionel! Oh, Lionel.

Where's your son? Who are you?

Police. Where's your grandson?

You've got to do something. He's gone out.

Old man, where is he? Where is he? I don't know. You've got to stop him.

Let me out. You've got to stop him. Just calm down. Calm down.

Sit down. I tried to stop him.

Just calm down. All right, now, where has he gone?

Did he tell you anything? No, nothing.

Only that he was gonna go out and make them all pay.

Then he put on some kind of crazy costume.

A what? What? He put on a costume? What costume?

I don't know.

A wig and a silk dress

and a fox fur thrown over his shoulders like an old lady.

Starsky.

[MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO]

That's the third time round the park, ma'am.

Meter's into double figures.

Well, I suppose that's enough.

Could you drop me at Pine and Lincoln?

Cab number nine.

Blue to Lincoln and Pine.

KINGSTON [ON RADIO]: I read you, nine, at Lincoln and Pine.

Young man, would you mind turning off your radio?

It's awfully harsh on one's ears.

[MUSIC STOPS]

[RADIO CRACKLES]

Thank you.

Starsky? Starsky? Do you read me?

Starsky, come in.

Zebra Three to Control.

Zebra Three to Control.

WOMAN [ON RADIO]: Come in, Zebra Three.

Request immediate contact with a dispatcher from Metro...

Forget it.

[WOMAN YELLING] [BRAKES SQUEALING]

Hey, honey, all you had to do was whistle.

Kingston?

Hey, partner, I don't know what your problem is...

Damn it, Kingston, come in.

KINGSTON [ON RADIO]: Who beckons me so frantically?

Look, Kingston, cut the jive, will you? This is Hutchinson.

Get a hold of Starsky. I think he's picked up the...

KINGSTON [ON RADIO]: Right. Dave did?

HUTCH: What are you doing? KC: We can't just sit here.

[TYRES SCREECHING]

Calling number nine. Come on, number nine, talk to me, baby.

He doesn't answer, sarge, but the last time he called,

he was headed for Lincoln and Pine.

HUTCH [ON RADIO]: We're on our way.

I 'gin to be weary of the sun,

and wish the estate o' the world were now undone.

[GRUNTING]

[GROWLS]

[GRUNTING]

Life, yes,

a tale told by an idiot,

full of sound and fury,

signifying nothing.

[PANTING] Listen, Lionel...

I'm a cop. Oh?

You don't have to kill any more.

The man that messed you up is already dead.

You gotta stop killing.

Don't you understand?

I could've been an Olivier.

A Barrymore.

A Keane.

I brought the house down that night. They all said so.

Now this is my stage.

This is not a stage. This is a dirty back alley.

And what you're in is a play, and it's called life.

Life?

A tale

told by an idiot,

full of sound and fury,

signifying nothing.

Down the alley.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

What took you so long?

We stopped for ice cream. Are you OK?

I'll make it. I don't know about him.

O God! God! How weary, stale,

flat and unprofitable seem to me

all the uses of this world!

Goodbye to the cab business and hello to the fab business,

because there's no business like show business.

Kingston, I can't believe you got a job as a DJ.

Better than that, baby, what you're looking at is an exclusive manager

of a soon-to-be-major artiste.

KC: Tell him who the artiste is, Kingston.

KINGSTON: Excuse me.

[CLEARING THROATS]

Ladies and gentlemen,

I would like to introduce, for your listening pleasure,

that duchess of down home,

that incomparable K C McBride.

[SINGING] Nobody loves you Quite like you do

Uh, Kingston, you know, you're one of those island rockers. She's a country-western singer.

We got country and western in the island too.

Except we call it jungle western.

KC: And we got us a producer too.

I put an ad in Variety, and within hours, this guy called and said he wanted to produce me.

In fact, he's supposed to be meeting us here any minute now.

Wait a second. This guy's a stranger. I mean, how do you know he's on the level?

Well, he was born in a dressing room in the Grand Ole Opry. You can't get any more genuine than that.

And he's had so many hit records, he couldn't even begin to name them.

I figure he's hardcore country with a name like

Buck "The Panhandle" Bear.

[IN BAD WESTERN ACCENT] Mercy, faith, good buddy! Did I hear somebody call my name?

[SINGING] Nobody loves you Like you do

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