Original subtitles

I thought I was dead.

How did we get here? I don't know.

Come on.

Starsky!

Are you all right? Are you OK?

I can't stay long. I've got you an aeroplane.

What?

There's a road that goes north to the very end of the island.

There's a private airfield there. The pilot's name is Schneider.

I told him to expect you. He'll get you back to the mainland.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. What's going on here? What are we doing here?

That's not important. What's important is that you two get off this island.

Why?

You almost got killed last night. We know that.

Well, too many other people have already died.

Thorne. What about your boss? What about Thorne?

What do you mean? It's too late for him.

You do not understand this island. Look, lady, we understand.

We understand why we're here and we understand that we're gonna get Thorne off this island.

Now, is there some way you can help us?

Can you get him off the estate for any reason?

No.

I can get him to the market.

What utter and complete gall.

First you refuse to talk with me at all

and now you insist on my total cooperation.

May I ask how I have become suddenly so trustworthy?

Because William MacKenzie Thorne's life is at stake.

And you're the only person we can turn to.

Besides which, we have had our captain back home check you out.

I see. Well, at least you're policemen who do your proper homework.

But really, gentlemen, do you seriously believe

this organised-crime conspiracy theory?

Healey did and he's dead. But it is so bizarre.

I mean, to take control of an enterprise so huge as Mr Thorne's

would require more than a few assassinations.

There'd be documents to be signed.

Board of directors meetings.

Papa Theodore seemed to have no trouble whatsoever in getting Thorne to dance out of his wheelchair.

Surely, getting a couple of signatures shouldn't be too difficult for him.

Did you say Papa Theodore? You know him?

you have reason to fear for Mr Thorne's safety.

Will you help us?

Officially, as protector of law on this island, I can do nothing.

Mr Thorne is an important man.

Unofficially, however, if you succeed in grabbing Thorne,

I shall do all in my power to see that you get off the island.

We can get him. Take care, gentlemen.

Watch where you step, what you eat.

Be wary even of the clothes you wear.

I am not a superstitious man but I have seen strange things.

Good luck.

Bon appétit. Merci.

Hats for the sun. Necklace for fun.

Buy one from me, get one free.

Hats for the sun. Necklace for fun.

Buy one from me...

Any more rum, I'm gonna have to keep you away from an open flame.

Then stop giving it some.

Hats for the sun. Here they come.

Hats for the sun. Necklace for fun.

Buy one from me, you get one free.

Hats for the sun. Necklace for fun.

Buy one from me, you get one free.

Hats for the sun. Necklace for fun.

Buy one from me, you get one free.

Hats for the sun. Necklace for fun.

Watermelon.

Mighty fine watermelon today, ma'am.

Can you get Philippe over here with you?

Philippe, could you help me, please?

Coconut.

Watermelon.

Buy one from me, you get one free.

Hats for the sun. Necklace for fun.

Buy one from me, you get one free.

Thorne's clear. You want Doors? I'll take Thorne.

Get out of the way.

Hey, hey, hey! Come on. Look out!

Mr Thorne! Mr Thorne. We're police.

Now you belong to me.

Thorne! Mr Thorne! Mr Thorne!

It's crazy.

They didn't want Thorne at all. They wanted Doors.

All we gotta do is figure out why.

Ed. Fred. It's me, over here, quick, brothers.

All right. Yeah.

We're in a hurry. What you got in mind?

I'm going skinny-dipping.

Oh, uh-huh.

How nice for you. Have a good time.

Wait a minute. You don't get it, do you?

I'm going skinny-dipping with that beautiful gal called Pussycat.

We're going right there in the water.

Phil's got it all arranged. Ain't that a kick in the head?

Sure is. Kick in the head.

You mean you're gonna do that in front of all these people?

Brothers, don't you know there's a sexual revolution going on?

Sexual revolution? Now, if you've got any hang-ups,

this is not the place for you, this swinging society.

Here they come now. The little lady's with him.

Howdy. Hey, Pussycat. How are you doing?

We'll just shuck off our clothes and dive.

You're gonna have a little adventure, huh?

Hey, Jerry, remember the sexual revolution, huh?

Yes.

Well, on a count of three.

One...

Two, three.

Ah! Ah! You bad girl.

Throw me a pillowcase.

A towel. A tablecloth.

I got him again. I got him again.

I'm gonna get you, Phil.

Hey, guys.

What happened to you?

Fred? Ed?

Well, actually, we were taking a little foray in the foliage.

Yeah, sort of assay the lay of the land, so to speak.

Get it? Got it.

I almost forgot. So you finally got those messages?

I was just on my way to your room.

This is one of them and the other one is from Chief Godfrey.

Chief Godfrey?

Yeah, of the police. He said it was important. Sure hope you guys aren't in trouble.

No. No. They probably found it.

What? Your bag?

My bag? Oh...

That's the one you lost. Oh, yeah, right.

Well, thanks, Easy. Right.

These are copies of our police IDs.

Pictures of us coming into the hotel?

Somebody's been on to us ever since we got here.

Sure looks that way.

What have you got?

A key to the Playboy Spa.

Over there. See you later, tiger.

What do you wanna do about Godfrey? He's gonna have to wait.

Let's get to it.

Howdy.

Hey, fellas. Anyone for a body massage?

Ooh.

I didn't recognise you out of uniform.

I'm not out of uniform, yet. What have you got in mind?

Well, I'm sure he'd love to and I wouldn't mind a rinse and dry. But, actually, we've got this key.

We're just kind of wondering what it opens up.

The Executive Sauna. Oh, you boys travel in style.

Well, naturally.

Let me know in case you feel like working with the peasants.

Ready or not, here we come.

We're hot to trot and ready to steam.

OK, fellas, you can drop the slob routine.

I know who you both are.

So, you're the one who sent the key, huh?

Yeah. Walter Healey told me you were coming.

Oh, that's interesting.

Let me ask you a question.

If you worked with Healey, why didn't you tell us right away?

Because Healey was working on a tip that I gave him when he died.

I felt responsible, so I decided not to get you involved in my problem.

Obviously you changed your mind. Yeah, because I'm desperate.

I have to have help if I'm ever going to find out what happened to my father.

Who was your father? Well, he...

He was just a store detective called Bert Regan

until about a year ago.

And then he got the chance of a lifetime.

To become chief of security for Thorne Enterprises.

Then about six months later I got a telegram

saying that he had been drowned in a swimming accident.

The police and Thorne's people said that they never found the body.

But I didn't believe them. Why not?

Every year, my father used to send me a charm for my birthday.

And this year I got one, too.

Only it was two months after my father was supposed to have died.

Well, I didn't know what to do. The police wouldn't help me.

So I took this job under an assumed name. And so far, I have gotten nowhere.

Can you help me? Well...

HUTCH: What do you know about voodoo deaths?

Or a plot to take over Thorne's businesses?

I don't know anything about that.

All I am trying to do is to find my father.

What do you think? I think we can help her.

If she can help us.

It's Silky.

Two guests at the hotel, they call themselves Knight and Day.

But they're really cops. Janice just told them everything.

Yes, Janice. She has become a problem.

I'm not worried about her. It's those two cops.

I assure you, there is nothing to fear from those two.

Papa Theodore has begun preparations for their death.

GODFREY: I'm glad you could make it so quickly. He insisted on your being here.

Well, sir, here they are, just as I promised.

You guys are from the mainland, right?

That's right. Well, listen, I want protection.

I mean, the American government is supposed to protect its citizens. Well, isn't it?

Depends who you're afraid of. Who? What's the matter with you?

You saw what happened in the square today.

And then this thing was waiting for me.

Back at Thorne's place.

If a doll with my face ain't bad enough,

When I get back to my room, there's the skin of a freshly killed wild boar hanging over my window.

Wild boar is a voodoo warning of death.

That's right. And I gotta tell you, that's not how I planned on checking out.

Look, you gotta help me get off this island.

What are you smiling at?

Did somebody double-cross you, John?

What are you talking about a double-cross?

Are you denying that Papa Theodore was your hit man?

Someone else bought his contract and made you the pigeon.

What, are you crazy? That voodoo guy?

Papa whatever his name is? I don't know him.

I never laid eyes on that creep until he zapped me today.

Look, there's only one reason I'm on this island, ignoring my business while my brother-in-law's stealing me blind.

And that's Bill Thorne. Bill Thorne is my friend.

When I heard he was in trouble, I came down here.

All right, all right. So I'm not Albert Schweitzer.

But I still got likes and dislikes. Bill Thorne helped me when I was down.

And Johnny Doors never forgets a debt of honour.

Why, he even put me on his board of directors. Strictly legit.

If you're such a boy scout, why didn't you help Thorne off his estate?

I mean, everybody knows that it isn't what you'd call a happy home.

Look, I wanted to. I really wanted to. I tried.

I just couldn't get through to him. He wasn't himself. He was quiet, sleeping all the time.

Look, please, you gotta help me get out of here.

I'll tell you what I got figured out.

What?

Don't you hear it? Hear what?

The music. What music?

John, sit down. He's coming. Don't let him get me.

You gotta help me. Please, don't let him get me. No!

There's nothing out there.

He's dead. Yes.

Sergeant Hogarth.

Um, call the coroner's office.

We've got no choice.

Captain, we've got to get Thorne off this island.

If his guards resist, it'll be a small war.

Yeah.

Now, the only way to get to Octopus Bay is from the ocean.

So I put Huggy onto getting us a boat.

Which will get us past Thorne's guard post on the sea side.

Right, then we go to the fort and however it goes from there, to the Thorne compound.

Check.

Make final arrangements with Godfrey

and if we're lucky, we get home in time for lunch.

I can barely keep my eyes open.

Get some sleep. Good idea.

Wanna get that? Be my guest.

Yeah.

Charlotte?

I can't talk any louder. They might hear.

It's William. Mr Thorne. I think he's in great danger.

Look, we know that. We've got a plan to get him out.

You might be too late.

When could you have Mr Thorne ready?

After sunrise? We'll get there as soon as we can.

I'll be waiting. Are we all set?

Yes.

And thank you. Thank you so much.

Arrogant rascals.

You are a remarkable person, Charlotte.

I have spent five years planning this operation

and I do not intend to allow two visiting policemen

to get in the way of us owning the entire Thorne empire.

How is it coming? Oh, famously, my dear.

All is almost ready.

The dark one has eaten his food.

Next he will prick his thumb.

The dark shall kill the light.

He will be unable to resist.

Oh, it's going to be a very long night for our policeman friends.

Their last.

When I call, you will obey.

Will obey.

Will obey.

Will obey.

You OK? Huh?

What's the matter?

I had a dream.

Oh.

I just... Oh...

I dreamt that Papa Theodore was standing over me

and he had a box.

Mm-hm.

And I reached into the box and he slams the lid down.

I pricked my thumb.

Oh.

Yeah, that's weird.

What time is it?

It's five o'clock.

Starsk.

Oh, my God.

Will you get up front and drive this thing?

Supposed to get a fishing boat, not a garbage scow. Thorne's gonna be able to hear us a mile out.

Take it easy, will you? We're two miles away.

Local fishermen don't travel in yachts. What's wrong with him?

Got up on the wrong side of the bed.

Any side with a boar on it is the wrong side.

Hugg, we should've passed Thorne's guards by now.

Start a slow turnaround and as soon as you drop us off,

head to the other side and rendezvous with Godfrey.

Oh, keep the nets out.

Will obey.

You all right? Yeah. I just feel a little woozy.

Hey, I'm coming about. After you.

Give me that. I got it.

You OK? Yeah.

What's the matter, you cut yourself on the rocks?

It's nothing. Will you get off my back?

I'm sorry. It's my thumb.

Your thumb, huh? Yeah, my thumb.

The one that got pricked on Papa Theodore's box.

It feels like it's gonna explode.

So does my head, for that matter.

Well, look, we got a hill to climb. Think you can make it?

Piece of cake.

Let's get to it, then.

Hutch. Yeah?

Our company left us something besides a boar last night.

You ready?

PAPA: Will obey.

PAPA: You will obey.

Take a second, huh?

Will obey. Will obey.

You will obey.

Starsk? You belong to me.

You all right? Will obey.

Talk to me.

Obey.

Starsk. Starsk. Starsk.

Come on. Easy.

Starsk! Starsk!

Ah-ya.

Now you belong to me.

Starsk.

Starsk. It tastes better off Coney Island.

You all right? Yeah.

You just tried to kill me. What are you talking about?

It's OK, it's all right. You didn't hurt me.

We climbed this thing once already?

Charlotte, the guests are waiting on the patio.

You have two ambassadors and a prince to witness your marriage.

Do you think that the groom will have enough strength to say "I do"?

He'll say what I tell him to say.

Won't you, dearie?

Where's the girl? In the study.

Excellent.

Philippe, why don't you practise? We want everything to be perfect, don't we?

Charles?

This wrapping is so pretty.

Shall we toast, ladies? To a beautiful wedding day.

To the bride. To your health.

CHARLOTTE: Thank you, Charles.

Oh, Charlotte, look, wedding congratulations from all over the world.

How nice.

Janice.

I'm Charlotte Connery. I'm sure that you'll recognise Mr Thorne.

Of course.

I met you at the party and I am really happy to be invited to your wedding.

She has been asking about the man who used to be chief of security for us.

Bert Regan.

Yes, I had heard that you'd been trying to see Mr Thorne about that, dear.

Well, I, uh... Yes, I had hoped to have a word with him about it.

Well, I think it's about time you succeeded.

Have a long chat with Mr Thorne.

Because after the wedding, you and your father, Bert Regan,

will be together for a long time.

Take care of them until the ceremony begins.

Dad?

Oh, my God.

What have they done to you?

I hope we don't have to do this again. I'm fresh out of fingernails.

The fort. What?

The fort. What fort?

That's a fort? I should've brought my camera.

I'm gonna take a peek. OK.

Well, this is the north-west corner of the fort.

What?

The Thorne house is south-east from here.

Means we gotta go that way. You sure about that?

Yeah. Besides all that, I can see the house.

Where? Right there.

OK.

What? A cigarette.

What cigarette? The one burning a hole in your shorts.

Yow...

So far, so good. Yeah.

Someone's getting married.

It ain't us.

Hold it, fellas.

Are you on the bride's side or the groom's?

Well, now, that depends.

On what? Which side you're on.

I'd love to stay, I really would.

But I'd hate to miss the wedding. They always make me cry.

Have fun. Baron.

Move.

Gee whiz.

Of all the rotten luck. Yeah.

All this good luck is making me sick.

Yeah.

I'm not feeling so well myself.

Maybe you two should take some aspirins.

Starsk.

Starsk. Papa Legba.

King of voodoo, big bad hoodoo, horn of toad and eye of dummy,

tall, blonde man distract this dummy.

Snap out of it. He can't help it. It's another one of his seizures.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, you did it, Starsk.

It's the big green voodoo bird.

Oh, it is. Oh, my God.

It's the voodoo bird. It's the bird of death.

Shut up, you two. It's landing. It's landing. I can't look.

Can't look!

What's the problem? I'm trying to get his gun.

Well, he's unconscious. Well, he won't let go.

Then press his thumb.

Why didn't I think of that? Come on.

Congratulations, Widow Thorne.

Not so soon, dear.

To the bride.

Congratulations. Yes, wonderful, darling.

If the new mistress of Thorne House

is not too impatient for your end, my dear,

this will be your death doll.

Would you like to see it? The workmanship is really extraordinary.

Kiss the doll goodbye, Papa.

Janice, come on, we're getting you and Thorne out of here.

The gun. Come on. I met Charlotte at the hotel.

Thank you very much.

How are you feeling? He looks tired.

I think I'll put him to bed.

Good idea.

Arrivederci. Night-night.

Salud. Ciao.

We're just going to walk out with you and hubby. Please don't make a scene.

You wouldn't harm a woman, would you?

JANICE: They wouldn't, but I would.

Charlotte! Charlotte! Philippe!

No, don't shoot. You'll hit Charlotte. Come on!

Many happy returns. Watch her.

Get in. Come on, get in.

Get away.

You can't get away with this. I own this island.

Go.

$10,000 to the man who brings them down.

This is Mrs Thorne. Close the gates at once.

Come on, let's go.

They're closing the gates. Don't talk to me, talk to him.

Hang on.

Is everybody OK? No.

Whoa, no, no... Oh!

Well, that's one. One what?

We've got one gun. And a wheelchair.

Hutch! I'm busy.

Hutch! Starsk, the truck!

There's two of them. Two?

How we doing? They're closing in, Starsk.

Can't you do something?

Isn't this where James Bond usually fires his rocket launchers?

James Bond? Hell!

All I got is an empty gun and a wheelchair.

Well, do something with the wheelchair.

Hutch?

Get out of the way. Get out of the way.

Hutch!

Get them. Fire. Get them.

Damn it.

Glad you could make it. Thanks for dropping in.

Well, so long as you're all in one piece.

One of us isn't.

Dad.

Who? Who?

Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet my father.

Oh. Your father?

Oh, dear.

Look, Starsk, you're not gonna do any better than I did.

Let me give it a shot, will you?

Yeah, I'll hold.

So the real William Thorne died months ago.

Then Charlotte replaced him with Janice's father,

who looked enough like him to be able to fool anyone except Thorne's closest friends.

That's why it was important for her to remove all of the board of directors.

Exactly.

Because if anyone knew Thorne well enough as to be able to recognise the impostor,

they'd be a danger to her.

By the way, Miss Regan, how is your father feeling?

Oh, he's feeling just fine now. And we are flying home tomorrow.

Oh, that's lovely. That sounds great.

I think I got us on a flight for this evening.

Oh, Starsk. Go right ahead. Flight 809.

Stops in San Juan, Tampa. What?

Transfer at El Paso for Durango and bingo, we are home.

Doesn't sound like a flight, Starsk, it sounds like a milk run.

Will you, please.

Thank you very much. It's the only flight that they had for today.

Besides, you know what the in-flight movie is?

I can't wait. Rodan Meets Godzilla.

Well, look, I've got us a direct flight in three days.

We're gonna do some fishing. That's not soon enough.

You really do believe in that voodoo stuff, don't you?

Don't you? Of course not.

If I was gonna believe in that mumbo-jumbo, we should be living in the Stone Age.

Besides that, If voodoo does work, what's Papa Theodore doing in prison?

You didn't tell him, did you? Tell me what?

Well, you see, Mr Hutchinson... Tell me what?

Papa Theodore has escaped.

Just temporarily. Have no fear. He'll be recaptured.

He escaped? Some time last night.

But remember, he is a bocur, who failed.

And in voodoo, the only penalty for that is death.

Well, how could he escape? I mean...

Didn't you have him guarded night and day with armed guards?

He disappeared into thin air.

Oh.

Rodan Versus Godzilla, huh?

Sounds almost too good to pass up.

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