Original subtitles

[]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[TYRES SCREECHING]

[EXPLODES]

[]

No, I'll move that.

Alex, won't you reconsider

and fly home with me to Washington next week?

You know I can't.

Hey, come on. Let's go shopping.

Alex, you promised me.

I did? You know you did.

I did.

I still don't understand why you have to carry that thing.

The agency requires that its employees...

Be able to protect themselves, yes.

But you're on vacation.

You are undoubtedly the most lovable and beautiful nag

the world has ever known.

Hey, come on. I promised you a new wardrobe.

That's silly. What do you mean, it's silly?

I don't need a new wardrobe. I have plenty of clothes.

Now, you see what I mean? What?

Nag, nag, nag. Oh, Alex,

there are six suitcases in this place,

and they're all filled with clothes. Out you go.

[WHISTLING]

You seem awfully quiet this morning. Hm?

I said, you seem awfully quiet.

Thinking.

Well, we all wish you beginner's luck.

You ever wonder what would've happened if your parents never met?

What? If your mother and father never met.

You might not have ever been born.

Haven't you ever wondered how the world might be different?

Well, for starters, you'd probably be pretty dull company.

Or if your name had been Anderson instead of Hutchinson.

Well, then I'd have a whole drawer full of handkerchiefs with the wrong initials on them.

No, no, I mean it. I mean, look, if my name had been Anderson,

I might have been a doctor.

You wanna run that one by me again?

S. Right. I was always sat on

the right-hand side of the class, and all those whose names began with A were always seated

on the left-hand side of the class... And they all became doctors.

No.

But a guy by the name of Anderson did. And he sat behind a girl

by the name of Alice Adams. She weighed 200 pounds. And that was in sixth grade.

She had horn-rimmed glasses. A terrible case of acne.

How'd that make him a doctor? He married her.

And everybody in her family was a doctor.

You know, they were the richest family in town.

You know something?

There's a lot of "what if" questions you can ask yourself, Hutch.

You just gotta think about it.

[]

Hey.

Come on.

You don't wanna be late for work, do you?

What if we were?

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[BEEPS]

DISPATCHER: All units in vicinity, a 211 in progress.

A jewellery store at southeast corner of Golden Shopping Plaza.

Code 3.

HUTCH: This is Zebra 3.

We are in the area and responding.

[SIREN WAILING]

Get back, folks. Police.

I tell you what. We'll buy some flowers, hm?

How you doing?

You suppose there's anything here my wife would like to have?

[GUNS SHOOTING]

MAN: I give up. Come on, come on.

Hey, hey, wait a minute. Hold it. Cool it.

Don't shoot. Wait a minute! Turn around.

All right, everybody get back. Sir, would you get back, please?

I'm a cop. Now, would you just get back, please?

Get back, sir.

She's dead.

My wife.

[]

She's dead.

You're not saying...

That's exactly what I'm saying.

Unless that bullet was fired by a person unknown,

it had to come from one of our four officers' guns.

I'd like to know which one.

We don't know that yet.

Ballistics have to finish their tests.

Mr. Drew, there are no words to express our regrets.

You and your wife are the victim of an unfortunate accident.

An accident?

Yes, I suppose that's how the official report will read, won't it?

STARSKY: Mr. Drew.

If any one of us had seen her... It happened so fast.

I'd like to make whatever arrangements are necessary in order to fly home

with my wife's body as soon as possible.

DOBEY: Surely. Just tell me the airline, the flight number and what time.

I'll see to it that the arrangements are made.

I have to place a call to Washington.

May I use your phone? Certainly.

Yes, this is Alexander Drew, 1327 alpha 4.

I want to arrange for a seat and cargo space on the next flight to Dulles.

Yes. Top priority.

You can reach me at the Carlyle Hotel. I'll be there in 20 minutes.

The cargo?

A casket.

We can give you a ride to the airport if you like.

No thanks.

From here on out, I'll make my own arrangements.

Well, Mr. Drew...

we're all very sorry.

You wondering whose bullet it was?

Mm.

I'm wondering what if his wife had bought another article.

Yeah. What if the robbers

had got there five seconds later.

[]

DREW: Yes, I am aware that I overstepped my authority in pulling records.

But I'm also aware, as you are, that police departments have assassination squads.

Not in the United States. Alex, you've been under a lot of strain.

I know when people are trying to kill me.

Alex, come back and we can talk.

And in the meantime, we'll send in a couple of investigators to see if you're right.

Of course. I'll call you later. Good night, Arthur.

Oh, and, son, don't forget to get that good popcorn.

I can make it, and we'll take it with us tonight.

[]

I gotta get hold of my daughter-in-law.

Mr. McDermont.

I gotta get hold of my daughter-in-law.

Listen, if it would be of any help to you,

I'd be glad to call her myself. No, I've got to tell her.

He was supposed to pick up his little girl after school.

Take her to the movies tonight.

They're divorced, you know. Yeah, I know.

We get her every Saturday and every other Wednesday.

Look, Mac...

I know it's, uh...

I don't like asking this right now, but...

would you know any reason why anybody would wanna kill your son?

What?

Do you know why anybody would wanna kill Mac?

You...? You ask why, Ken?

He was a policeman. He was a cop.

Oh, hell.

I told him it was no good.

I told him nobody cared anymore.

I told him so many times.

Yeah.

Talk to you later.

Shelley.

Take good care of him, will you?

Lab boys say there were two bombs.

One underneath the hood against the firewall

and a small incendiary type underneath the gas tank.

Somebody very professional meant business.

Mm-hm.

Listen, was Mac in on anything big lately?

Routine, as far as I know.

Well, whoever it was sure went through a lot of trouble

to kill an ordinary street cop. Yeah.

Officer McDermont's records for the last six years.

Sally.

Somehow, a messenger as lovely as you

takes the pain out of the coming hours.

Miss Hagen, I'd like you to know how much we appreciate

your bringing these records to us.

Uh, Officer Hagen?

Oh, uh, think nothing of it. Oh, when I'd found out that you maniacs had been given

assignments that would take you off the streets, of course I volunteered to help you.

That's the thanks we get for making the city safe.

That and, well, it was the least I could do for you two.

STARSKY: Oh, you got your transfer. Uh-huh.

I'm going to do real police work. I'm going to leave the file room

and get out on the streets.

Well, congratulations. And you know something,

if ever they transfer you into Vice and you need some refreshers

on how to make yourself part of the environment, you know...

Oh, I certainly will keep you in mind.

Have you ever wondered, Hutch, what would've happened if you'd been born

charming and handsome and I'd been born the dullard?

Starsk, there are some things in this world you just don't have to wonder about.

[]

STARSKY: No, no, no.

Do you believe that?

Only two possibles left out of all of these.

Well, you can scratch this one. He's back in the joint.

Floyd. Henry Malcolm "Flashy" Floyd.

Held in contempt for threatening the life of Officer McDermont during trial.

Interesting, huh?

Got out of prison last month.

Let's get a warrant.

STARSKY: Chapel of Bodily Invinegration.

HUTCH: It's "invigoration," Starsk.

STARSKY: Yeah? What do you suppose it means?

HUTCH: Well, they probably appreciate a well-conditioned body.

What are you looking at? Nothing.

See what I mean?

WOMAN: Welcome to the Chapel of Bodily Invigoration.

One of our attendants will join you shortly,

and you and your body will begin its journey to invigoration.

What does this décor remind you of?

Only nothing.

Which door? Heads or tails?

I'm in the mood for tails. You got it.

What are you in the mood for?

He went that way.

Mm-hm. This must be the place.

Yep. You ready?

MAN: Hey!

I'm awfully sorry to trouble you, sir. I wonder if I could use your phone.

I got a problem with my buddy here.

Hey!

I was just reaching for my business license.

I thought it was a robbery, fellas.

You cops don't even look like cops anymore.

Where were you last night and this morning?

Last night and this morning? Mm-hm.

Hey, I read all about Mac.

I was only kidding when I said what I said.

So where were you? FLOYD: Vegas.

Gambling. I've got 100 witnesses.

I was with five of my friends...

Look. Look, my hotel bill.

I didn't even check out till noon today.

I'm clean.

You're lucky.

Much obliged.

Hey. That's accosting a police officer. I know.

Keep up the good work. I'll do my best.

[]

MAN: Mac was the best partner I ever had.

Six years we worked together.

This kid they gave me today,

fresh out of the academy.

Thinks he's gonna wipe out crime in one afternoon.

A punk. Still wet behind the ears.

Do you know what I mean? Sure.

No, no, no. Do you really know what I mean?

Sure. How about some of that popcorn down there?

Anything you want. If I can reach it.

There we go.

Here we are. Hey, that's great.

You know what I wanna do? What?

No, I wanna... I wanna propose a toast.

A bottoms-up toast...

to this grand old country of ours. Well, it's lasted 200 glorious years.

It's gonna last a lot more than that if I can say something about it.

You're right there, babe. Here's to it.

How about another? No, no, no. I gotta get back.

I gotta get back to my not-so-glorious old lady who only looks like she's about 200 years old.

Listen, take care pal, huh? I'll see you.

[GASPING]

Thanks, doc.

Doc says there was enough poison in that glass to kill an elephant.

And whoever did it knew exactly what he was doing.

First Mac, then Carl.

Thinking what I am?

[]

Alexander Drew never got aboard that flight for Washington.

Surprise, surprise.

Did you find what agency the man worked for?

In the interest of national security, that information has been withheld from us.

Although they are sending out his immediate superior to coordinate with us.

That sounds cheery.

There's one other thing you better know.

Drew went through his own channels to obtain copies of official police records.

It's been confirmed he's got Carl's, McDermont's,

and the both of yours.

[]

I appreciate and sympathize with your position, gentlemen,

but as I said, Alex Drew's work is classified.

Look, Cole. We have reason to suspect he's killed two police officers.

We also have reason to believe that he has two more on his list.

There's nothing classified about that. You don't have absolute proof.

And he is our responsibility.

Not when he starts killing police officers in this town, he isn't.

Mr. Cole...

does Drew have access to special weapons and explosives,

things like that? No more so than any other citizen.

I think you're lying, Mr. Cole.

Uh, I have a tight schedule.

Our agency will take care of Mr. Drew for you, so you can turn your attention

to other police matters.

Will you look at me?

Take a good look at me.

Now take a look at him over there.

We're the next two guys on that list.

You know what I'm gonna do when you walk out of here?

I'm gonna go pick up that phone, and I'm gonna call

every major newspaper in this city and tell them

that your government agency has a nut running loose in the street and you won't do anything about it.

And I'm gonna help him make those phone calls.

I can't allow any publicity.

Mr. Drew's job, his whole department,

was an error in judgment from the beginning.

My agency is trying to rectify the situation.

Rectify? What the hell does that mean?

His whole department has been phased out.

For obvious reasons, he will receive a salary for the rest of his life.

But his forced retirement...

Quite a severe blow to him.

He had been showing signs of strain for some time, but...

What exactly did Mr. Drew do, Mr. Cole?

Well, as I said before, that is classified information.

But suffice to say, he carried out highly specialized assignments.

One more time, Mr. Cole.

Does Drew have access to weapons? Special weapons?

Alexander Drew has access to the most sophisticated weapons known.

And he is highly skilled in the use of all of them.

Mr. Cole...

was Mr. Drew an efficient employee?

According to his records, when he worked for our agency...

he never failed.

[]

Well, at least there's one positive aspect about this whole thing.

What's that?

Cole and his employees have to go around looking for Alex. We don't.

Mac's car blew sky-high.

And Drew has access to the most sophisticated weaponry around.

What if...?

Don't even say it.

Care to take a little stroll?

HUTCH: Give me the key, will you?

[HOOD POPS]

Well, better safe than sorry.

Hutch. What you got?

Enough plastic to blow up the entire building.

COLE: We're gonna stake out your apartments.

HUTCH: I don't want anything to do with it.

STARSKY: How many people you planning to put on this thing?

COLE: At least six squads of men. Should be enough to cover the situation.

HUTCH: Yeah, but what about our own security?

DOBEY: Let's hear what he has to say.

STARSKY: Personally, I don't want him anywhere near...

No matter how many squads you put on me. People in your squads...

Now, look, what do you mean you won't cooperate?

You give us one good reason why we should cooperate.

Cole, you created this problem. You created this situation.

You just stay out of it.

Captain, what kind of security have we got around here anyway?

When a guy can walk into this garage, plant a bomb on a car, and walk out of here without being seen?

I think maybe you two should accept Mr. Cole's offer of protection. We don't need any heroes.

STARSKY: We're not trying to be heroes.

We almost got our cans blown off the face of the earth right here in this police garage.

Well, if this turkey can't supply us with protection right here in this police garage,

how are we supposed to expect him to provide us protection anyplace else?

All we want is to be in a position to call our own shots.

I'll call the shots. Not when our lives are concerned.

Look, I don't like the situation here anymore than you do.

And if it becomes necessary, I'm gonna order you to accept Cole's offer.

We're living in a regular democracy, aren't we?

[]

STARSKY: Where to? You're upstairs in room 39.

Four guys getting out of a plumbing truck

is about as subtle as an elephant knitting in Times Square.

You referring to Dobey? Can he knit?

I don't know, but you ought to see him eat peanuts.

STARSKY: Well, I don't like it. I don't like any of it.

[SIRENS WAILING ON TV]

DISPATCHER: Control. All units in the vicinity.

Officers being held and being fired on. Grey, late-model sedan. No license ID.

Vehicle reported headed north at high speed. Possible destination, route 4.

[KNOCKING]

Control to the following division units. ; Code three, code three.

Yeah? DOBEY: Captain Dobey.

[TV TURNS OFF]

I don't know if it's going to change anything going through with this.

Maybe we ought to call it off.

We have to go through with it, captain.

Why?

If for no other reason than Alex Drew.

Because maybe when all is said and done,

he's a victim like all the others.

Kind of a modern-day Frankenstein we all helped to create.

[]

[PHONE RINGS]

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

They're ready.

Will you please watch where you're going?

Hey, you know something? What's that?

You look just like one of those animals in a shooting gallery.

Don't look now, Charlie, but so do you.

[TIRES SCREECH]

You ready? Yeah.

You know, Starsk, this isn't a bad place.

Mm. Hungry?

Yeah. If you're a decoy, you might as well go out in style.

Well, I hate to ruin your appetite. What?

Mr. Personality is hiding in the corner.

Good evening.

Well, look who's here. May I take your order, please?

You were wrong. I told you they could find exciting, critical positions

for policewomen to fill. Yeah, so I was.

Um, do you two wanna eat, or do you wanna talk?

I'll have a steak.

I'll have a steak too. Medium rare.

Baked or hash browns? Baked.

Baked.

Butter with chives?

I'll have mine plain. I'm counting my calories.

Me too.

Okay, that's two T's bleeding slightly on a raft.

Two Irish plums and hold the fat... Hey.

She's good.

Hey. Yes?

Glass of water? Sure.

Comfort.

Well, at least if it comes down now the two condemned men have had a last meal.

After two Irish plums, I feel like a condemned man.

Well, just keep walking.

I'm trying, buddy. I'm trying.

DOBEY: What time will they be here?

COLE: Well, we're trying to move in quicker.

We should have them in here now.

Maybe he's given up.

Not Alex Drew.

[PHONE RINGS]

Yes. Yes.

I'll be right there.

He's just been spotted on the other side of the motel.

Let's go.

[SCREAMS]

Don't scream.

There's nobody around to hear you.

[PHONE RINGS]

DOBEY: That's Drew on the phone.

We tried taking the call at the switchboard, but he insists on talking to you.

He's got Sally. What?

Sally.

Hey. You were supposed to protect that girl.

He manoeuvred us out of position.

Agree to anything he says.

Yes? DREW: I have your little friend

in the trunk of my car. If you don't meet me, she's going to die there.

Where and when? The oil fields,

outside of Mandalay Heights.

Come alone, or the girl dies.

What guarantee do we have that you're not gonna kill her anyway?

Because unlike you, I'm an honourable man.

I'll have 50 men there in the next 20 minutes.

You heard the man. He said come alone.

She's a trained policewoman. She knew the risk of the job when she took it.

You know something?

It's people like you who, a lot of times, make us ashamed to wear a badge.

Now, we are going into that oil field alone.

And if you make one move before Sally Hagen comes back safe,

we're gonna come back and deal with you personally.

[]

[GUN SHOOTS]

You see him? Huh?

HUTCH: No. You?

STARSKY: No.

What to do?

I'm coming over. Make it quick.

Nothing.

Where do we go?

Over there by those barrels.

Ready. Go.

[GUN SHOOTING]

He's playing with us. It's like being a duck in a barrel.

Yeah, risky.

Two o'clock on the catwalk.

You got it. Let's split. I'll cover you. Go.

Okay.

Did he hurt you? No.

Hutch, he's a very sick man.

Yeah, I know.

You sure you're all right? We're gonna try to take him alive.

Alex!

Are you comfortable? Do I look like I'm comfortable?

You look like a cop.

STARSKY: Alex!

Listen to me a minute!

Alex! What happened to your wife was an accident!

It couldn't be helped! No one could prevent it!

Alex, we're sorry!

But it's time to stop the killing!

She was an innocent victim of bullets that were meant for me!

STARSKY: No bullets were meant for you, Alex!

You think I don't know you and your partner are part of an assassination squad?

You underestimated my intelligence every step of the way!

STARSKY: Alex! ALEX: It's about to cost you your lives.

STARSKY: Alex, let us help you!

Where's your partner? Where'd he get to?

[]

Alex!

Oh, no. No, no.

No, you killed my wife.

Why don't you kill me?

You gotta kill me! Please!

But Drew thought the whole thing was a plot to kill him.

What he was thinking was not important.

Oh, boy.

Through his association with you, a man is crippled mentally.

Possibly for the rest of his life.

And you're saying what he thinks isn't important?

HUTCH: Hey, Cole.

What is important to you?

The continued strength of our nation. STARSKY: Oh, boy.

It should be important to you too.

Oh, it is.

But not at your prices.

You know what really bugs me?

We can't arrest the really guilty party.

No, it's not... It's unfair. It really is, and you have to have some sympathy

for the poor child. It was her first assignment.

The first one on the street, right? I'm worried about this guy.

I run up to her, pull the tape off her mouth, left her tied up,

and we left her tied up for at least 30 minutes.

It's terrible. Shh, shh.

What? Hiya, Sally.

SALLY: Hi, Hutch. We were just talking about you.

Hey, Sal. Hi, Starsk.

So tell us about it. How was your first assignment?

It was terrific. Oh, it was terrific, huh?

You got kidnapped, you got thrown in the back of a car, you got tied up and left there. And that's terrific, huh?

Well, a girl's gotta start somewhere. Oh, yeah.

That's right. That's right. Let me have a little sympathy for the child.

Now, I gotta ask you something very serious. What are you doing tonight?

Well, as a matter of fact, that's why I'm here,

to take you guys up on your offer. Research help.

I go on Vice detail starting tomorrow.

STARSKY AND HUTCH: Oh.

Well, well, well.

There's two of us and only one of you, you know.

Oh, I know, and I thought about that a lot.

Did you? Uh-huh.

But I think it might be more fun with the both of you.

Would you?

[STARSKY SCREAMS]

[HUTCH LAUGHING]

[HUTCH YELLS]

That's for leaving me tied up in the oil fields.

And that's for laughing at me in the restaurant.

I don't know about you, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind.

[]

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