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1
00:00:02,448 --> 00:00:06,684
Claudia's had to have
an emergency appendectomy.
2
00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:10,600
What, did you dip the appendix
in melted butter?
3
00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:13,121
My wife goes under the knife,
and you have the audacity...
4
00:00:15,187 --> 00:00:17,555
damn.
5
00:00:17,446 --> 00:00:20,982
Moving on. The groundbreaking
for the performing-arts center
6
00:00:20,804 --> 00:00:22,538
at the site of
the old produce market
7
00:00:22,466 --> 00:00:23,799
is right on schedule.
8
00:00:23,753 --> 00:00:26,988
Is it true some farmers
refuse to move their stalls?
9
00:00:26,828 --> 00:00:28,128
Well, act...
[LAUGHS]
10
00:00:28,083 --> 00:00:30,217
Looks like she's got you
on the rope there, boss.
11
00:00:30,122 --> 00:00:31,390
Why don't I take over?
12
00:00:31,346 --> 00:00:33,714
That's a good question, sue.
13
00:00:33,605 --> 00:00:36,707
All the farmers fully support
the mayor's project.
14
00:00:36,554 --> 00:00:39,724
Each and every farmer
is more than happy to move.
15
00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:43,540
Might want to bib up.
16
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,747
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
17
00:01:07,638 --> 00:01:08,905
For those who missed it
18
00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:11,028
at yesterday afternoon's
press conference,
19
00:01:10,932 --> 00:01:12,967
our very own Paul lassiter
was hit in the face
20
00:01:12,878 --> 00:01:14,245
with a rotten tomato...
21
00:01:14,195 --> 00:01:15,963
That is hysterical!
Ha ha ha!
22
00:01:15,890 --> 00:01:17,357
...and that's a bad thing.
23
00:01:17,301 --> 00:01:19,136
Oh, I'm sorry.
So sorry.
24
00:01:19,059 --> 00:01:21,060
Honestly!
Honestly, what kind of a guy
25
00:01:20,972 --> 00:01:23,774
throws a tomato
at another man and runs?
26
00:01:23,639 --> 00:01:26,775
I'll tell you what kind...
a coward! A wuss!
27
00:01:26,590 --> 00:01:28,724
Boy, what I wouldn't give
for five minutes alone
28
00:01:28,629 --> 00:01:30,763
with that guy...
29
00:01:34,434 --> 00:01:37,002
He'll be here at noon.
30
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:40,316
Good! You tell him
he is lucky...
31
00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:43,913
lucky... I am taking
an early lunch!
32
00:01:43,721 --> 00:01:45,888
James, we're meeting
with this farmer,
33
00:01:45,791 --> 00:01:47,692
trying to get him
to move his stand.
34
00:01:47,611 --> 00:01:49,279
I'm gonna want you
in there with me.
35
00:01:49,212 --> 00:01:50,712
There's a lot
riding on this.
36
00:01:50,655 --> 00:01:53,324
Wow. Thanks, Mike.
I-I'm honored...
37
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,263
flattered.
38
00:01:54,232 --> 00:01:56,233
I really don't know
what to say.
39
00:01:56,145 --> 00:01:58,513
Don't let it
go to your head, Jethro.
40
00:01:58,404 --> 00:02:01,441
You're the only one around
here who speaks hick.
41
00:02:01,292 --> 00:02:02,958
This tomato farmer's
killing us.
42
00:02:02,892 --> 00:02:04,859
He's got a 10-year lease
and he won't budge,
43
00:02:04,774 --> 00:02:06,475
and the mayor
breaks ground today.
44
00:02:06,406 --> 00:02:08,107
I passed the site
on my way to work,
45
00:02:08,037 --> 00:02:10,071
and there's a crew
of construction workers
46
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,214
standing around
catcalling women.
47
00:02:12,116 --> 00:02:13,550
One of them even knew my name.
48
00:02:13,497 --> 00:02:15,932
Actually, that was me.
49
00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:19,722
I like to go
to construction sites
50
00:02:19,615 --> 00:02:21,283
to try out new material.
51
00:02:23,005 --> 00:02:25,038
Lastly,
the mayor's been sampled
52
00:02:24,950 --> 00:02:27,151
in a soon-to-be-released
rap song.
53
00:02:27,052 --> 00:02:29,820
They took a sound bite from
that recycling speech I wrote.
54
00:02:29,687 --> 00:02:32,323
"I want you to put your
little cans in the big can!"
55
00:02:32,168 --> 00:02:34,234
Here's theirinterpretation of it.
56
00:02:34,142 --> 00:02:35,243
[RAP MUSIC PLAYS]
57
00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:37,411
WINSTON:
I want your big cans
58
00:02:37,312 --> 00:02:38,745
I want your big cans
59
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:42,162
I want your big cans,big cans, big cans
60
00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:44,522
[MUSIC STOP]
61
00:02:44,403 --> 00:02:46,972
Has the mayor
heard this yet?
62
00:02:46,850 --> 00:02:50,519
I want your big cans,
I want your big cans
63
00:02:50,333 --> 00:02:54,437
I want your big cans,
big cans, big cans
64
00:02:56,799 --> 00:02:59,268
Stuart, you left a few things
at my place last night.
65
00:02:59,153 --> 00:03:00,486
Oh.
66
00:03:00,438 --> 00:03:03,474
Your toothbrush...
Your socks...
67
00:03:03,326 --> 00:03:06,728
And your saddle.
68
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:11,023
[IMITATES HORSE SNORTING]
69
00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:12,683
You guys are unbelievable.
70
00:03:12,613 --> 00:03:15,982
How about for once you push
two twin beds together
71
00:03:15,813 --> 00:03:19,249
and do it on your anniversary
like a normal couple?
72
00:03:19,077 --> 00:03:23,046
Are we making you jealous,
married boy?
73
00:03:22,841 --> 00:03:25,577
Claudia is not the only woman
I've ever been with,
74
00:03:25,446 --> 00:03:27,314
believe you me.
75
00:03:27,234 --> 00:03:29,068
There's one more.
76
00:03:28,991 --> 00:03:31,492
Trust me.
I've sowed my wild oat.
77
00:03:31,376 --> 00:03:33,010
Oh, yeah?
78
00:03:32,944 --> 00:03:34,645
Tell us about it.
79
00:03:34,577 --> 00:03:36,845
Well, it was
at a Boston concert
80
00:03:36,741 --> 00:03:38,374
in Chicago back in '79...
81
00:03:38,310 --> 00:03:41,145
And I'm working on
my second wine cooler.
82
00:03:41,009 --> 00:03:43,778
And this girl in a red
leather jacket comes up.
83
00:03:43,645 --> 00:03:44,778
She's all over me.
84
00:03:44,743 --> 00:03:46,243
Never even got her name.
85
00:03:46,186 --> 00:03:47,986
Red leather jacket, huh?
86
00:03:47,912 --> 00:03:48,611
Yeah.
87
00:03:48,602 --> 00:03:50,202
Wait...
front row?
88
00:03:50,139 --> 00:03:51,506
Left side of the stage.
89
00:03:51,457 --> 00:03:54,592
BOTH: Right in front
of the bass player...
90
00:03:54,437 --> 00:03:56,639
Oh, my God.
91
00:03:57,952 --> 00:03:59,318
Oh, my God!
92
00:03:59,270 --> 00:04:00,704
[LAUGHS]
93
00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:02,785
You're my oat!
94
00:04:02,690 --> 00:04:04,624
Ha ha ha ha ha!
95
00:04:04,541 --> 00:04:06,142
Hey, Stuart!
96
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,913
I had sex
with your girlfriend!
97
00:04:11,506 --> 00:04:13,140
Sir, we're meeting
with the man
98
00:04:13,076 --> 00:04:15,010
who wrote the "big cans" song.
99
00:04:14,926 --> 00:04:17,094
His name is smooth daddy.
He's a popular rapper.
100
00:04:16,998 --> 00:04:18,198
Please, Carter!
101
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,259
I'm not completelyout of touch!
102
00:04:20,166 --> 00:04:21,400
Sorry.
103
00:04:21,359 --> 00:04:23,460
Anyway, he's about to
release a new cd...
104
00:04:23,366 --> 00:04:26,468
a new what?
105
00:04:26,316 --> 00:04:27,850
A new album, sir,
106
00:04:27,792 --> 00:04:30,793
and we're trying to
get him to change the song.
107
00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:33,147
Sir? Smooth daddy's here.
108
00:04:33,031 --> 00:04:35,866
Okay, sir, the main thing here
is not to offend him
109
00:04:35,729 --> 00:04:38,231
by playing into any
rapper stereotypes, huh?
110
00:04:40,777 --> 00:04:42,811
Heh. Sup?
111
00:04:42,722 --> 00:04:44,556
Thanks for coming!
112
00:04:44,479 --> 00:04:45,680
I got something for you.
113
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,774
Gun!!
114
00:04:53,391 --> 00:04:55,258
Word is you like these.
115
00:04:55,148 --> 00:04:57,248
Oh, cohiba!
116
00:04:57,155 --> 00:05:01,392
I'm, uh, Carter Heywood.
I'm head of minority affairs.
117
00:05:01,172 --> 00:05:03,539
Sup?
118
00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:05,666
Yeah, so...
119
00:05:05,565 --> 00:05:07,833
Wow... titaniums.
[WHISTLES] That's nice.
120
00:05:07,699 --> 00:05:08,864
You play?
121
00:05:08,828 --> 00:05:10,929
Yeah! You should come out
to Westchester.
122
00:05:10,836 --> 00:05:12,069
You and I can hit the links.
123
00:05:12,028 --> 00:05:13,662
How about Saturday?
124
00:05:13,597 --> 00:05:16,032
We can talk about changing
the lyrics in your song.
125
00:05:15,919 --> 00:05:17,353
I don't think so...
126
00:05:17,299 --> 00:05:19,767
Gun!!
127
00:05:21,723 --> 00:05:23,158
...but Sunday's good.
128
00:05:23,104 --> 00:05:25,171
Great! We're on!
129
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,150
All right.
Catch you... Later.
130
00:05:29,316 --> 00:05:30,683
Thanks, Carter.
131
00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:32,669
If you weren't here,
that could've been...
132
00:05:32,579 --> 00:05:35,448
Awkward.
133
00:05:35,309 --> 00:05:38,645
Mr. stepnowski... howdy.
Thanks for coming in.
134
00:05:38,479 --> 00:05:40,746
I'm not moving
my tomato stand.
135
00:05:40,643 --> 00:05:43,612
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
You haven't heard our offer yet.
136
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,936
We're willing to pay
your entire relocation cost,
137
00:05:45,820 --> 00:05:48,321
we'll give you tax abatement
for the first year,
138
00:05:48,205 --> 00:05:50,539
and, to sweeten the pot...
139
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,601
A picture of the mayor
of New York City
140
00:05:52,504 --> 00:05:56,740
personally
autographed to you...
141
00:05:56,521 --> 00:05:58,788
A loyal supporter.
142
00:05:58,684 --> 00:06:01,787
Flaherty, my lawyer says
I got an ironclad lease.
143
00:06:01,634 --> 00:06:03,702
I make good money
where I am.
144
00:06:03,611 --> 00:06:04,744
I'm not leaving.
145
00:06:04,708 --> 00:06:06,543
I hear ya.
146
00:06:08,443 --> 00:06:11,179
Key chain... Coffee mug.
147
00:06:12,491 --> 00:06:13,924
That's it, now.
148
00:06:13,870 --> 00:06:16,606
And don't go telling the mayor
that I did this.
149
00:06:16,475 --> 00:06:18,543
Mr. stepnowski,
I promise you,
150
00:06:18,453 --> 00:06:21,655
you will sell just as many
vegetables downtown.
151
00:06:21,496 --> 00:06:23,063
The tomato's a fruit.
152
00:06:23,002 --> 00:06:24,969
You go calling it
a vegetable,
153
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,919
you might as well
put me in a miniskirt,
154
00:06:26,829 --> 00:06:28,163
call me a woman.
155
00:06:28,116 --> 00:06:30,518
Fruit it is.
156
00:06:30,406 --> 00:06:31,706
Hey, Mike.
157
00:06:31,661 --> 00:06:33,896
Sorry I'm late. I...
158
00:06:34,925 --> 00:06:36,025
stepnowski.
159
00:06:35,992 --> 00:06:37,959
You know
the vegetable guy?
160
00:06:37,874 --> 00:06:39,141
Fruit guy, Mike.
161
00:06:41,452 --> 00:06:43,786
Back in Wisconsin,
stepnowski and I
162
00:06:43,679 --> 00:06:45,981
used to compete
in the pig contests.
163
00:06:45,875 --> 00:06:47,509
[SNICKERS]
164
00:06:50,425 --> 00:06:53,928
I'm sorry...
pig... pig contest?
165
00:06:53,751 --> 00:06:55,018
Where we come from,
166
00:06:54,974 --> 00:06:58,009
we take that kind of thing
pretty serious, mister.
167
00:06:59,932 --> 00:07:05,604
I would've taken you
back at swinefest '93...
168
00:07:05,297 --> 00:07:07,031
But, nah, you disappeared...
169
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:10,429
vanished without a trace,
never to be heard from again.
170
00:07:10,254 --> 00:07:13,156
I went to college.
171
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,885
Well, you left behind
quite a legacy.
172
00:07:15,746 --> 00:07:18,280
No matter
how many fairs I won,
173
00:07:18,162 --> 00:07:20,163
I was always second best...
174
00:07:20,075 --> 00:07:23,344
always in the shadow
of "hog boy" hobert.
175
00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:25,183
Hog boy?
176
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:28,766
Hey, hey... I bet
you would like a rematch.
177
00:07:28,579 --> 00:07:30,213
You bet I would!
178
00:07:30,148 --> 00:07:32,882
No rematch, Mike!
I'm done with pigging!
179
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:34,553
We win, you move
your vegetable stand.
180
00:07:34,478 --> 00:07:35,711
Fruit stand.
181
00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:37,471
Whatever.
182
00:07:41,603 --> 00:07:44,039
Hey, sweet cheeks.
183
00:07:44,493 --> 00:07:47,261
How are the memories?
184
00:07:47,128 --> 00:07:48,863
Scorching.
185
00:07:51,584 --> 00:07:52,684
Scorching.
186
00:07:52,650 --> 00:07:55,084
[IMITATES STEAM HISSING]
187
00:07:57,483 --> 00:07:59,550
Hey, uh, listen, Deirdre...
188
00:07:59,459 --> 00:08:03,129
There's this, um, one thing
I wanted to ask you.
189
00:08:02,942 --> 00:08:05,077
It's kind of silly,
but, uh...
190
00:08:04,981 --> 00:08:06,514
You know when you, uh...
191
00:08:06,456 --> 00:08:07,724
Had sex with Paul?
192
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,346
[LAUGHING] Right.
193
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,515
It's a really dumb question,
but...
194
00:08:11,413 --> 00:08:14,148
For some reason,
I just kinda wanna know...
195
00:08:14,018 --> 00:08:15,551
How was he?
196
00:08:15,492 --> 00:08:17,427
Yeah. I mean,
I know the answer already,
197
00:08:17,343 --> 00:08:19,211
but I just wanna hear
you say that...
198
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:20,433
He rocked my world.
199
00:08:20,387 --> 00:08:23,188
Oh, God!!
200
00:08:23,054 --> 00:08:25,155
Trust me, James,
you can do this.
201
00:08:25,062 --> 00:08:27,998
This is farming, Mike.
You don't know this world.
202
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:30,390
I don't give you advice
about running the city, do I?
203
00:08:30,270 --> 00:08:32,239
That's why
I'm very little help to you.
204
00:08:32,154 --> 00:08:33,987
It's a pig contest, okay?
205
00:08:33,910 --> 00:08:35,544
What is the big deal?
206
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,413
We take city funds,
we go out,
207
00:08:37,331 --> 00:08:40,233
we buy the biggest,
fattest pig we can find,
208
00:08:40,091 --> 00:08:41,458
and we win this thing.
209
00:08:41,409 --> 00:08:42,743
It's not like that, Mike.
210
00:08:42,695 --> 00:08:44,630
These are true competitions.
211
00:08:44,547 --> 00:08:47,116
These are
full-fledged pig-offs!
212
00:08:46,995 --> 00:08:49,997
This is the only way we're
gonna get this guy to move.
213
00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:52,018
Now, you've beaten him,
what, five times?
214
00:08:51,921 --> 00:08:54,089
What exactly
is the problem?
215
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,459
[SIGHS]
216
00:08:58,353 --> 00:09:00,954
I was a good pigger, Mike.
217
00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:08,265
Hell, I was the best.
218
00:09:08,111 --> 00:09:10,645
But I flew
too high too fast...
219
00:09:10,527 --> 00:09:12,495
couldn't handle the success.
220
00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:15,846
Of course, that's when
the drinking started.
221
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:19,988
Cider?
222
00:09:22,356 --> 00:09:25,492
Two jugs a day.
223
00:09:25,337 --> 00:09:29,007
I squandered
everything I won...
224
00:09:28,820 --> 00:09:32,856
everything my manager
hadn't stolen.
225
00:09:32,647 --> 00:09:37,551
Then came the bus crash.
226
00:09:37,291 --> 00:09:40,393
Wait a minute...
I saw this.
227
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,342
Vhl... "behind the pigs."
228
00:09:45,104 --> 00:09:48,740
This isn't funny, Mike, okay?
I did something bad.
229
00:09:48,556 --> 00:09:53,759
We're not talking
"deliverance" bad, are we?
230
00:09:53,451 --> 00:09:56,385
Look, Mike, I really don't
wanna talk about this.
231
00:09:56,242 --> 00:09:58,643
I don't wanna talk
about this, either,
232
00:09:58,533 --> 00:10:00,901
but I have got
a pig-off in 24 hours!
233
00:10:00,793 --> 00:10:02,593
Now, tell me what happened.
234
00:10:02,517 --> 00:10:03,985
No.
235
00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:06,165
[IMITATES PIG CALL]
Tell me!
236
00:10:12,308 --> 00:10:14,976
I hit a pig!
237
00:10:18,143 --> 00:10:21,211
That's it?
That's the bad thing?
238
00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:22,930
Tell you what...
I'll make a deal with you.
239
00:10:22,819 --> 00:10:24,019
You do this for me,
240
00:10:23,979 --> 00:10:26,347
when we build that
performing-arts center,
241
00:10:26,238 --> 00:10:28,273
we will name it
after you.
242
00:10:28,153 --> 00:10:29,519
It'll be called
243
00:10:29,470 --> 00:10:33,808
the James hobert
performing arts center?
244
00:10:33,581 --> 00:10:35,982
Around the office, it will.
245
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,067
Oh, my God.
Look at this place.
246
00:10:49,977 --> 00:10:52,245
It's a pigsty!
247
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:57,606
Can we just hurry up
and pick a pig?
248
00:10:57,507 --> 00:10:59,841
I've got to get back
to the city to...
249
00:10:59,735 --> 00:11:01,969
Buy new shoes.
250
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:03,135
How about that one?
251
00:11:03,092 --> 00:11:05,794
Mike, you just don't take
the first pig
252
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,566
that waddles up to you.
253
00:11:07,484 --> 00:11:10,152
This isn't
a fraternity party.
254
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,207
James, I don't know what kind
of fraternity you went to,
255
00:11:15,078 --> 00:11:17,346
but that is an awful way
to talk about women.
256
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:19,912
Who's talking about women?
257
00:11:19,784 --> 00:11:21,552
[PIG GRUNTING]
258
00:11:21,479 --> 00:11:24,348
Let's just take this one.
259
00:11:24,209 --> 00:11:28,212
No, no, no, no, no.
That one's too smart.
260
00:11:28,005 --> 00:11:29,973
Too lazy...
261
00:11:29,888 --> 00:11:31,722
Too old...
262
00:11:31,644 --> 00:11:34,680
Oh, bad body image.
263
00:11:34,532 --> 00:11:36,032
Wait a minute, Mike.
264
00:11:35,974 --> 00:11:37,675
Do you see what I see?
265
00:11:39,928 --> 00:11:42,564
Another pig?
266
00:11:42,438 --> 00:11:46,574
No, Mike, not just
another pig... our pig!
267
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,962
Hey, buddy! Come here!
268
00:11:48,839 --> 00:11:51,273
Yeah! What do you
say about that?
269
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,696
[GRUNTING]
270
00:11:53,577 --> 00:11:57,246
[LAUGHS]
271
00:11:57,059 --> 00:12:02,063
Oh, I get it...
you're like a pig whisperer.
272
00:12:04,275 --> 00:12:07,911
That mansion of yours
sure is phat.
273
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,228
What?
274
00:12:09,171 --> 00:12:10,371
You know, phat.
275
00:12:10,332 --> 00:12:12,532
Oh, I see!
"Phat" means "cool."
276
00:12:12,434 --> 00:12:14,068
Yeah, yeah!
That's right.
277
00:12:14,003 --> 00:12:16,604
Well, then...
After we were married,
278
00:12:16,482 --> 00:12:18,148
my wife got really cool.
279
00:12:23,381 --> 00:12:26,583
In fact, she had to go
to a cool camp.
280
00:12:27,584 --> 00:12:30,320
She is really overweight.
281
00:12:30,189 --> 00:12:31,356
[LAUGHS]
282
00:12:31,319 --> 00:12:33,320
Oh, God.
283
00:12:33,233 --> 00:12:35,201
Yeah, well,
I should get going.
284
00:12:37,499 --> 00:12:40,335
Fellas.
285
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:46,014
Did you see how
he did that "fellas" thing?
286
00:12:45,877 --> 00:12:48,379
I want a posse.
287
00:12:48,263 --> 00:12:50,164
Sir, you have one...
288
00:12:50,082 --> 00:12:52,283
me, Stuart, James, Paul.
289
00:12:52,185 --> 00:12:56,354
That's kind of
a lame posse, Carter.
290
00:12:58,460 --> 00:13:01,061
Uh, sir, about smooth...
291
00:13:00,938 --> 00:13:02,773
I don't know if it's
a good idea for you
292
00:13:02,695 --> 00:13:04,095
to be seen with him
in public.
293
00:13:04,045 --> 00:13:05,879
It may hurt you
with your female voters.
294
00:13:05,801 --> 00:13:07,035
What do you mean?
295
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:09,062
He took me out of his song,
like we asked.
296
00:13:08,970 --> 00:13:11,172
Sir, that wasn't
his only song.
297
00:13:11,073 --> 00:13:14,108
His last love ballad
was called "you my ho."
298
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:17,195
[LAUGHING] What's so
offensive about that?
299
00:13:17,035 --> 00:13:18,068
"Ho" means "whore."
300
00:13:18,038 --> 00:13:19,506
I did not know that.
301
00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:23,253
Go! Come on! Yeah!
302
00:13:23,184 --> 00:13:24,418
How's he doing?
303
00:13:24,377 --> 00:13:27,211
Well, his form and style
are excellent,
304
00:13:27,075 --> 00:13:29,977
but his execution...
a little Canadian.
305
00:13:29,836 --> 00:13:33,806
I think the judges are gonna
take off points for that.
306
00:13:33,601 --> 00:13:35,169
Really?
307
00:13:35,107 --> 00:13:38,309
It's a freakin' pig-off!
How the hell do I know?!
308
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,251
Yay! Yay! Yay!
309
00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:43,483
A 10?
310
00:13:43,453 --> 00:13:45,754
You're giving him
a perfect 10 for that?
311
00:13:45,649 --> 00:13:47,050
That's out of 12.
312
00:13:46,999 --> 00:13:48,666
Why 12?
313
00:13:48,599 --> 00:13:51,969
'Cause the first pigging judge
in Wisconsin had 12 fingers.
314
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:55,235
Get out of here.
What a freak!
315
00:13:55,063 --> 00:13:59,433
He was my pappy!
316
00:14:04,376 --> 00:14:06,544
Okay, Mike, I'm ready.
317
00:14:06,447 --> 00:14:08,716
James, you look very handsome.
318
00:14:08,612 --> 00:14:10,145
I've seen this before,
Caitlin.
319
00:14:10,087 --> 00:14:11,888
You're just in love
with the uniform.
320
00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:14,686
Son, you're up.
321
00:14:14,636 --> 00:14:16,504
Get out there
and win this thing.
322
00:14:16,425 --> 00:14:19,761
ALL: Win! Win! Win!
323
00:14:19,594 --> 00:14:22,296
Win! Win! Win! Win!
324
00:14:22,167 --> 00:14:23,434
Win! Win! Win!
325
00:14:23,391 --> 00:14:24,758
Win! Win! Win!
326
00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:26,909
Win! Win! Win!
327
00:14:26,810 --> 00:14:29,112
Win! Win! Win!
328
00:14:29,008 --> 00:14:30,674
Win! Win! Win!
329
00:14:30,607 --> 00:14:33,042
Win! Win! Win!
330
00:14:32,929 --> 00:14:34,063
[SQUEALS]
331
00:14:34,027 --> 00:14:35,061
Oh!Oh!
332
00:14:35,032 --> 00:14:37,867
Come on!
333
00:14:37,729 --> 00:14:40,597
[PANICKY]
I can't do this, Mike!
334
00:14:40,459 --> 00:14:42,026
I can't! I can't!
335
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,367
James, come back!
James!
336
00:14:44,256 --> 00:14:46,357
Okay, what part of me
expected a pig-off
337
00:14:46,264 --> 00:14:47,665
to go smoothly?
338
00:14:48,141 --> 00:14:50,543
Paul, I'm kinda busy.
339
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:55,002
What? No zinger?
No snappy comeback, huh?
340
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:57,630
You know why?
'Cause our dynamic has changed.
341
00:14:57,492 --> 00:14:59,693
I'm the unstoppable
sex machine,
342
00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:01,228
and you're the office joke!
343
00:15:01,162 --> 00:15:03,664
Come on! Come on!
Insult me! Come on!
344
00:15:03,548 --> 00:15:05,815
Come at me! Come on!
Just try it!
345
00:15:05,712 --> 00:15:06,712
Okay!
346
00:15:06,685 --> 00:15:07,986
Paul...
347
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:11,410
The guy who owns that
all-you-can-eat buffet called.
348
00:15:11,235 --> 00:15:12,569
He gives.
349
00:15:12,521 --> 00:15:14,422
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
350
00:15:14,341 --> 00:15:17,544
[LAUGHING] That's funny.
351
00:15:17,385 --> 00:15:21,821
I had sex
with your girlfriend.
352
00:15:21,589 --> 00:15:23,557
You're a jackass!
353
00:15:23,471 --> 00:15:27,107
A jackass who
had sex with your girlfriend.
354
00:15:26,923 --> 00:15:28,123
Are you finished?
355
00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,691
[LAUGHING] That's what
when we were having sex.
356
00:15:34,924 --> 00:15:37,893
So... Where's hog boy?
357
00:15:37,748 --> 00:15:41,083
Oh, he'll be right back.
358
00:15:40,916 --> 00:15:44,219
He just wanted to, uh...
Catch the end of the, uh...
359
00:15:44,055 --> 00:15:46,222
Sheep shot put.
360
00:15:49,797 --> 00:15:54,100
Yeah, I knew he'd turn tail.
That's a forfeit, Flaherty.
361
00:15:53,876 --> 00:15:56,778
Me and my tomatoes
are staying put.
362
00:15:56,637 --> 00:15:57,837
Not so fast!
363
00:15:57,797 --> 00:15:59,798
I'd like to make a substitution.
364
00:15:59,711 --> 00:16:02,614
Are you substituting
under the flanders rule
365
00:16:02,473 --> 00:16:03,873
or the McMahon rule?
366
00:16:03,821 --> 00:16:05,289
What's the difference?
367
00:16:05,234 --> 00:16:09,671
Under flanders, you gotta
rassle a pig buck naked.
368
00:16:09,438 --> 00:16:10,972
I'm going with McMahon.
369
00:16:13,956 --> 00:16:19,193
Mike, what are you doing?
He'll wipe the floor with you.
370
00:16:18,914 --> 00:16:21,216
And look at this floor!
371
00:16:21,111 --> 00:16:22,778
You're right, you're right.
372
00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:25,179
I'm gonna go find James.
You stall him.
373
00:16:25,064 --> 00:16:26,364
But how?
374
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:29,821
You know, the flanders thing
sounds good.
375
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:35,933
Yo, Randy.
376
00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:37,578
Hey, smooth!
377
00:16:37,510 --> 00:16:39,412
Brought you a copy
of the new cd.
378
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:40,097
The new what?
379
00:16:40,084 --> 00:16:42,619
The new album.
380
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,768
Hey, phat!
381
00:16:44,664 --> 00:16:46,899
Listen, my people think
it's bad for my image
382
00:16:46,799 --> 00:16:48,499
to be seen
hanging out with you.
383
00:16:48,430 --> 00:16:49,831
It's not personal.
384
00:16:49,779 --> 00:16:51,013
It's a business thing.
385
00:16:50,971 --> 00:16:55,475
Well, I guess
this is it, then.
386
00:16:55,239 --> 00:16:58,241
Randy, listen...
I want you to have this.
387
00:16:58,094 --> 00:17:00,162
[CHUCKLES]
388
00:17:00,070 --> 00:17:02,972
Thank... thank you, smooth.
389
00:17:09,139 --> 00:17:11,774
Catch you later, homo!
390
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:21,255
That's "hom-ey."
391
00:17:22,347 --> 00:17:24,349
Right!
392
00:17:24,702 --> 00:17:27,169
James...
393
00:17:27,055 --> 00:17:29,122
I know what you're
gonna say, Mike.
394
00:17:29,031 --> 00:17:30,265
I'm brave and I'm strong,
395
00:17:30,224 --> 00:17:32,659
and if I look deep inside
myself, I can do this.
396
00:17:32,546 --> 00:17:34,614
You're not a kid anymore,
James.
397
00:17:34,522 --> 00:17:36,690
I'm gonna give it
to you straight.
398
00:17:36,593 --> 00:17:39,662
The biggest city in the world
is counting on you.
399
00:17:39,511 --> 00:17:41,479
Not m not the mayor...
you.
400
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,595
Now, put your
little issues aside,
401
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,764
go out there
and do your job.
402
00:17:48,736 --> 00:17:50,804
[SOBBING]
403
00:17:50,712 --> 00:17:53,881
I-I... I was just
trying something new.
404
00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:58,128
You're brave, you're strong,
and whatever else you said.
405
00:17:57,899 --> 00:17:58,865
Okay?
406
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,774
Today is the day
407
00:18:00,690 --> 00:18:05,427
that the hog boy...Becomes the hog man.
408
00:18:09,068 --> 00:18:12,270
Oh, we're screwed!
409
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,467
Either step up or forfeit!
410
00:18:16,353 --> 00:18:18,153
Okay, okay, okay!
411
00:18:18,078 --> 00:18:20,079
Address the pig.
412
00:18:19,992 --> 00:18:21,960
Right.
413
00:18:21,875 --> 00:18:24,810
Hello, pig.
414
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:28,069
No, no, no... address the pig.
Stand beside him.
415
00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:31,202
Okay, little piggy.
Go to market.
416
00:18:32,354 --> 00:18:37,492
["CHARIOTS OF FIRE" THEME
PLAYS]
417
00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,694
[NO AUDIO]
418
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:23,687
Yay! Yay! Yay!
419
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,269
But how, how, how k...
could you sleep with Paul?
420
00:19:40,106 --> 00:19:41,440
Look, I was drunk...
421
00:19:41,392 --> 00:19:43,794
I didn't know
a soul in Boston...
422
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,851
No, no, no.
No, it was Chicago.
423
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:48,220
It was a Boston concert
in Chicago.
424
00:19:48,107 --> 00:19:50,242
It was a Chicago concert
in Boston!
425
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,182
I've never even been
to Chicago!
426
00:19:52,092 --> 00:19:53,825
Then maybe it wasn't you.
427
00:19:53,755 --> 00:19:54,922
I guess not.
428
00:19:54,884 --> 00:19:56,251
Huh.
429
00:19:56,202 --> 00:19:57,270
Huh.
430
00:19:57,238 --> 00:20:00,339
I was wondering how
you lost 300 pounds.
431
00:21:16,178 --> 00:21:18,781
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
432
00:21:18,782 --> 00:21:19,949
(Barking)
433
00:21:19,999 --> 00:21:24,549
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