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1
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,068
Let's get right into it,
okay?
2
00:00:04,982 --> 00:00:07,551
The first order
of business is...
3
00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:09,466
Hi.
Hi.
4
00:00:10,235 --> 00:00:11,803
Who the hell are you?
5
00:00:11,763 --> 00:00:14,064
Clarice is a reporter
from my hometown paper.
6
00:00:13,992 --> 00:00:15,692
She's doing
a big story on me.
7
00:00:15,647 --> 00:00:19,115
Seriously, who are you?
8
00:00:18,989 --> 00:00:22,124
She graduated from willowgrove
high, my Alma mater.
9
00:00:22,012 --> 00:00:25,348
Of course, back then,I wasn't known as Paul lassiter.
10
00:00:25,228 --> 00:00:27,629
People used to call me
the big "L."
11
00:00:27,551 --> 00:00:30,453
In fact, they used to
have a symbol for me.
12
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:35,935
Around here, we just call him
the big "a."
13
00:00:35,828 --> 00:00:38,529
You know what they called me
in grade school?
14
00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:40,138
"Leaky."
15
00:00:40,093 --> 00:00:41,727
I'm afraid to ask.
16
00:00:41,685 --> 00:00:43,786
Oh, it's not
what you think.
17
00:00:43,722 --> 00:00:45,589
I used to wet my pants.
18
00:00:45,536 --> 00:00:48,205
Okay, people,
first order of business...
19
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:49,748
by "first order
of business,"
20
00:00:49,705 --> 00:00:51,874
Mike is referring
to the first thing
21
00:00:51,807 --> 00:00:54,008
that Mike
is gonna talk about.
22
00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:55,941
The city
has an image problem.
23
00:00:55,882 --> 00:00:59,184
By "the city,"
he means New York city.
24
00:01:04,062 --> 00:01:05,763
As I'm sure you all heard,
25
00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:09,053
a woman went into labor
in the middle of Times Square
26
00:01:08,932 --> 00:01:11,233
and no one
stopped to help her.
27
00:01:11,161 --> 00:01:13,562
Maybe nobody noticed her.
28
00:01:13,484 --> 00:01:15,686
She was on the jumbotron.
29
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,285
So to try
to repair the damage,
30
00:01:17,241 --> 00:01:19,075
tomorrow
we're holding a ceremony
31
00:01:19,024 --> 00:01:21,491
to honor five good samaritans
from New York.
32
00:01:21,410 --> 00:01:24,012
I'd like to nominate
my aunt Ida from Wisconsin.
33
00:01:27,332 --> 00:01:30,334
Okay, James, there's
two things wrong with that idea.
34
00:01:30,228 --> 00:01:31,995
She lives in Wisconsin?
35
00:01:31,946 --> 00:01:32,947
And?
36
00:01:32,934 --> 00:01:34,835
She killed her husband?
37
00:01:36,116 --> 00:01:39,085
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
38
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,788
Carter, you want to catch
the game tonight at O'Leary's?
39
00:02:03,696 --> 00:02:06,065
Sorry, Mike,
Alex and I have a date.
40
00:02:05,988 --> 00:02:07,121
Again?
41
00:02:07,103 --> 00:02:09,570
What does that guy have to offer
that I don't?
42
00:02:10,890 --> 00:02:13,125
Besides that.
43
00:02:13,055 --> 00:02:15,090
I'm in love with him.
44
00:02:15,028 --> 00:02:16,595
Yuck.
45
00:02:16,557 --> 00:02:19,158
You don't like Alex.
That's ridiculous.
46
00:02:19,070 --> 00:02:21,672
You called him a pretentious,
name-dropper.
47
00:02:21,586 --> 00:02:24,287
Guy can't have a nickname?
48
00:02:24,195 --> 00:02:25,596
Hey, Alex.
49
00:02:25,565 --> 00:02:27,065
Hey, Mike.
50
00:02:27,029 --> 00:02:29,330
Hey, Alex.
51
00:02:29,257 --> 00:02:33,627
So, this is city hall.
This is where it all happens.
52
00:02:33,459 --> 00:02:36,360
The nerve center.
Headquarters.
53
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:38,727
So, you ready to go,
Carter?
54
00:02:38,647 --> 00:02:41,916
Make it quick. I'm writing
this amazing screenplay.
55
00:02:41,798 --> 00:02:44,000
Oh, yeah,
so is my dry cleaner.
56
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:45,832
You guys should collaborate.
57
00:02:45,777 --> 00:02:49,347
He could have your script ready
by Thursday after 4:00.
58
00:02:49,216 --> 00:02:50,483
Oh, that reminds me,
59
00:02:50,457 --> 00:02:52,525
you want to see that Italian
movie tonight?
60
00:02:52,462 --> 00:02:54,696
Ah, s?, mio amore.
61
00:02:54,627 --> 00:02:57,196
S?, mio amore.
62
00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:00,079
Mike,
why don't you come with us?
63
00:02:59,975 --> 00:03:01,576
Oh, no, I'll pass.
64
00:03:01,535 --> 00:03:03,970
Oh, come on, Mike!
Why not?
65
00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:06,923
I'm getting checked
for ticks.
66
00:03:08,091 --> 00:03:11,426
And that's
how the candy machine works.
67
00:03:11,306 --> 00:03:12,740
Oh, there's janelle.
68
00:03:12,707 --> 00:03:14,141
She's one of my underlings.
69
00:03:14,107 --> 00:03:16,742
Janelle, have you met
my reporter friend Clarice?
70
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,088
She's doing
a major newspaper story on me.
71
00:03:19,009 --> 00:03:21,244
Oh, is it gonna be
in the "Metro" section
72
00:03:21,173 --> 00:03:23,475
or the "big, dumb,
white guy" section?
73
00:03:23,402 --> 00:03:26,037
[LAUGHING]
That's a good one.
74
00:03:25,948 --> 00:03:27,884
I'm sort of her mentor.
75
00:03:27,828 --> 00:03:30,462
James, the good-samaritan dinner
is black tie.
76
00:03:30,374 --> 00:03:32,208
You want me
to rent you a tux?
77
00:03:32,157 --> 00:03:33,890
Sure, Stuart,
that'd be great.
78
00:03:33,843 --> 00:03:37,245
Okay. What should I do
about your neck?
79
00:03:39,064 --> 00:03:40,364
What?
80
00:03:40,336 --> 00:03:41,637
Come on, James,
81
00:03:41,611 --> 00:03:45,213
we both know you have
an abnormally large neck.
82
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:49,117
Is there someplace special
you go, a custom tailor?
83
00:03:50,873 --> 00:03:53,374
Maybe
a big-and-fat-neck store?
84
00:03:53,292 --> 00:03:56,428
Do you think that's why
I can't find a girlfriend?
85
00:03:56,316 --> 00:03:58,851
No, that's just because
you're a geek.
86
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:03,702
Hey, Mike,
are you having better luck
87
00:04:03,606 --> 00:04:06,274
finding good samaritans
than I am?
88
00:04:06,184 --> 00:04:08,685
You know, I thought I had
something here with this guy.
89
00:04:08,603 --> 00:04:10,537
He pulled a woman
from the pool at the "y"
90
00:04:10,481 --> 00:04:11,848
and gave her mouth-to-mouth.
91
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:12,985
Sounds good.
92
00:04:12,964 --> 00:04:14,398
She wasn't drowning.
93
00:04:16,083 --> 00:04:17,817
Oh, here's a guy.
Look at this.
94
00:04:17,771 --> 00:04:20,272
He took time out
from running a homeless shelter
95
00:04:20,189 --> 00:04:22,891
to donate a kidney
to a woman he didn't even know.
96
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,200
That's perfect.
97
00:04:24,168 --> 00:04:27,070
It says, "he's dedicated
his life to wiping out...
98
00:04:26,969 --> 00:04:29,171
Democracy."
99
00:04:30,249 --> 00:04:33,351
You know, Caitlin,
there's something on my mind,
100
00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:36,076
and normally
I'd talk to Carter about this,
101
00:04:35,978 --> 00:04:39,314
but I can't talk to Carter
because it's about Carter.
102
00:04:39,194 --> 00:04:41,028
So I need you to be Carter.
103
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:42,710
Okay, shoot.
104
00:04:42,664 --> 00:04:45,733
Carter would never say,
"okay, shoot."
105
00:04:45,624 --> 00:04:47,592
That puts me on the spot!
106
00:04:47,534 --> 00:04:49,434
He'd say something like,
107
00:04:49,380 --> 00:04:52,515
"is something wrong?
You seem pensive."
108
00:04:52,403 --> 00:04:55,973
Is something wrong?
You seem pensive.
109
00:04:55,841 --> 00:04:57,375
No, I-I'm fine.
110
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,439
Okay, then! See ya.
111
00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:00,509
No, no, come on!
112
00:05:00,489 --> 00:05:02,490
I'm putting up a front!
113
00:05:02,431 --> 00:05:04,365
What kind of Carter
are you?
114
00:05:04,309 --> 00:05:06,477
Five seconds
to tell me what's wrong
115
00:05:06,409 --> 00:05:07,409
or I'm out of here.
116
00:05:07,397 --> 00:05:08,830
Okay, it's this guy...
117
00:05:08,797 --> 00:05:11,365
it's this guy, Alex,
that Carter's seeing.
118
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,582
He rubs me the wrong way,
119
00:05:13,508 --> 00:05:15,242
and it's driving me nuts.
120
00:05:15,196 --> 00:05:16,963
Have you
given him a chance?
121
00:05:16,914 --> 00:05:18,348
I don't have to!
122
00:05:18,314 --> 00:05:20,048
He's cocky.
He's a control freak.
123
00:05:20,002 --> 00:05:22,837
He always thinks he's
the smartest guy in the room.
124
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:25,608
Wow, he sounds like
a real Mike.
125
00:05:25,508 --> 00:05:28,477
If you really are a friend,
you'll get to know this guy.
126
00:05:28,373 --> 00:05:30,107
You're right. Thanks.
127
00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:33,296
And you know what?
You're a good Carter.
128
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,701
Well, it's just a matter
of getting in touch
129
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,362
with your
inner gay black man.
130
00:05:40,193 --> 00:05:42,861
So, how does Carter
usually wrap these things up?
131
00:05:42,771 --> 00:05:44,272
Oh, he'd just leave.
132
00:05:46,082 --> 00:05:48,383
Actually, first,
he'd take his shirt off.
133
00:05:50,825 --> 00:05:52,625
Or he'd just leave.
134
00:05:56,937 --> 00:06:00,339
Why is James
wearing a scarf?
135
00:06:00,214 --> 00:06:02,883
I'm playing a gag on him.
136
00:06:02,794 --> 00:06:04,795
The fat-neck gag?
137
00:06:04,735 --> 00:06:05,868
You know it?
138
00:06:05,849 --> 00:06:07,016
Know it?
I love it.
139
00:06:06,995 --> 00:06:08,929
It was a classic
in the service.
140
00:06:08,873 --> 00:06:10,674
Did you get
the child's tie?
141
00:06:10,624 --> 00:06:14,260
Please. Can you do the fat-neck
gag without the child's tie?
142
00:06:14,126 --> 00:06:15,359
[LAUGHS]
143
00:06:15,335 --> 00:06:18,137
Wait, watch this.
I've got a good one.
144
00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:19,175
Hey, James!
145
00:06:19,155 --> 00:06:19,921
Yes, sir?
146
00:06:19,918 --> 00:06:22,253
Your neck is fat!
147
00:06:25,457 --> 00:06:27,125
And this
is the bullpen area.
148
00:06:27,081 --> 00:06:28,915
Now, I do
most of my thinking
149
00:06:28,863 --> 00:06:30,864
back there
in my private office,
150
00:06:30,805 --> 00:06:32,306
but every once in a while,
151
00:06:32,270 --> 00:06:34,905
I like to come out here,
make an appearance.
152
00:06:34,817 --> 00:06:36,283
Ah, there's my colleague,
153
00:06:36,249 --> 00:06:38,884
the mayor of New York.
154
00:06:38,795 --> 00:06:40,796
I'm sorry, Paul,
no more interviews today.
155
00:06:40,736 --> 00:06:43,071
Well, actually, sir,
she's here to interview me.
156
00:06:42,996 --> 00:06:46,098
Oh, really?
157
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:49,192
Ah, well, I'll just leave you
to your interview.
158
00:06:49,077 --> 00:06:51,711
I've got a big,
important thing to do.
159
00:06:53,565 --> 00:06:57,635
Paul, when did you first know
you wanted to get into politics?
160
00:06:57,481 --> 00:06:59,748
Well, actually,
my interest in public service
161
00:06:59,677 --> 00:07:01,010
began at a very young age.
162
00:07:00,981 --> 00:07:02,916
Me too.
163
00:07:06,202 --> 00:07:09,203
Did you need any special
training to do your job?
164
00:07:09,098 --> 00:07:12,067
Actually, I went to the Columbia
school of journalism.
165
00:07:11,963 --> 00:07:14,599
Yale.
166
00:07:14,510 --> 00:07:16,878
And what exactly
is your title here?
167
00:07:16,802 --> 00:07:18,436
Mayor.
Press secretary.
168
00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:20,895
Sir, if you're
gonna keep interrupting,
169
00:07:20,813 --> 00:07:23,848
you might as well
just do the interview yourself.
170
00:07:23,741 --> 00:07:25,275
You're probably right.
171
00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:26,337
Oh.
172
00:07:26,319 --> 00:07:27,654
Well, okay, just remember
173
00:07:27,625 --> 00:07:31,094
that you're gonna be talking
to my entire hometown.
174
00:07:30,967 --> 00:07:34,336
Oh, please, Paul,
we're all on the same team!
175
00:07:34,213 --> 00:07:37,849
So, your honor, how do you like
working with Paul?
176
00:07:37,714 --> 00:07:39,983
Oh, it's a blast!
177
00:07:49,398 --> 00:07:52,900
[MEN SPEAKING ITALIAN]
178
00:08:00,761 --> 00:08:02,328
MAN: Roberto, no!
179
00:08:02,288 --> 00:08:05,224
[GASPS]
180
00:08:05,122 --> 00:08:06,623
Isn't this amazing?
181
00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:10,823
Oh, yeah. This is the best
gay Italian love story
182
00:08:10,661 --> 00:08:12,295
I've seen in a while.
183
00:08:12,253 --> 00:08:14,820
You having
a hard time following it, Mike?
184
00:08:14,735 --> 00:08:17,337
Well,
as far as I can tell,
185
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:21,220
funny-mustache guy
walked his cow across town
186
00:08:21,070 --> 00:08:24,072
and sold it
to baggy-pants guy.
187
00:08:23,967 --> 00:08:27,002
Yeah, but do you understand
what the journey represents?
188
00:08:26,895 --> 00:08:30,231
About three hours
of my life.
189
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,579
Makes you realize
how provincial Hollywood is.
190
00:08:32,497 --> 00:08:35,132
They'd be afraid
to show male nudity like this.
191
00:08:35,044 --> 00:08:37,346
Roberto, no!
192
00:08:37,272 --> 00:08:39,106
Whoa!
193
00:08:39,054 --> 00:08:42,456
Well, that explains
the baggy pants.
194
00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:44,467
[LAUGHING] Holy cow!
195
00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:55,794
Well, that movie was like
watching paint dry,
196
00:08:55,637 --> 00:08:58,872
especially
the paint-drying scene.
197
00:08:58,757 --> 00:09:01,925
Mike, what the paint
represented was, uh...
198
00:09:01,811 --> 00:09:03,779
Oh, you're right, it stunk.
199
00:09:03,721 --> 00:09:05,189
Thank you. Grazie.
200
00:09:05,154 --> 00:09:08,056
See? I knew the two of you
would get along.
201
00:09:07,956 --> 00:09:09,689
I'm gonna go hit the head.
202
00:09:09,642 --> 00:09:10,843
Ah!
203
00:09:14,704 --> 00:09:17,640
Hey, listen, Alex,
I owe you an apology.
204
00:09:17,537 --> 00:09:21,439
I got a feeling I didn't
really give you a fair chance.
205
00:09:21,293 --> 00:09:22,493
Mike, I understand.
206
00:09:22,471 --> 00:09:24,639
Since Carter and I
have been hanging out,
207
00:09:24,572 --> 00:09:27,073
you probably feel
like you're losing a friend.
208
00:09:26,990 --> 00:09:30,060
But please, I want you
to feel like you're gaining one.
209
00:09:29,951 --> 00:09:33,253
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
210
00:09:33,135 --> 00:09:34,601
I'm serious.
211
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:43,448
I'd like
to get to know you better, Mike.
212
00:09:43,384 --> 00:09:46,552
Okay.
213
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,509
Maybe we can go out sometime,
just the two of us.
214
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:55,271
Well, y-y-you know,
I don't do anything in twos...
215
00:09:55,035 --> 00:09:57,402
Except have sex.
216
00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:02,370
With... with...
with women.
217
00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:05,862
You seem like
a fun guy, Mike.
218
00:10:05,729 --> 00:10:07,364
You like fun?
219
00:10:07,321 --> 00:10:09,923
Fun... fun... fun...
fun... fun... fun...
220
00:10:09,836 --> 00:10:11,370
fun... fun... fun is fun.
221
00:10:11,332 --> 00:10:14,702
Fun... fun... fun is fine.
Fun... fun... fun is fabulous.
222
00:10:14,579 --> 00:10:17,480
Well, not fabulous.
Uh, we should get Carter.
223
00:10:17,380 --> 00:10:19,715
Hey, Mike, you okay?
224
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,375
Yeah, I'm just...
I'm, um... I'm fine.
225
00:10:22,283 --> 00:10:26,018
It's just, I'm warm with
the hot, uh... uh... uh, heat.
226
00:10:25,879 --> 00:10:31,317
You're a pistol, aren't ya?
227
00:10:31,099 --> 00:10:32,933
I like that.
228
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,249
Bang, bang.
229
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,635
Mike! I know you're interviewing
good samaritans today,
230
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:47,436
and I did something
that puts me in the running.
231
00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:50,903
Rewinding the porn before
you return it doesn't count.
232
00:10:50,772 --> 00:10:53,140
Never mind, then.
233
00:10:53,064 --> 00:10:54,764
Uh, Carter, can I...
234
00:10:54,718 --> 00:10:57,020
can I see you for a second?
235
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,948
Sure, Mike. What's up?
236
00:10:58,889 --> 00:11:00,422
Did you have fun
last night?
237
00:11:00,385 --> 00:11:02,820
Carter, this is gonna
be painful for you to hear,
238
00:11:02,740 --> 00:11:04,841
and there's no easy way
for me to say it,
239
00:11:04,778 --> 00:11:06,445
so I'm just
gonna blurt it out.
240
00:11:06,401 --> 00:11:08,536
Your boyfriend
hit on me last night.
241
00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:10,038
[LAUGHING]
242
00:11:09,998 --> 00:11:11,898
That's right,
just let it out.
243
00:11:11,844 --> 00:11:14,312
Let it out.
There's no shame in laughing.
244
00:11:14,232 --> 00:11:15,565
I'm serious, you know.
245
00:11:15,536 --> 00:11:18,238
We were alone,
and the guy was all over me.
246
00:11:18,146 --> 00:11:21,315
Okay, Mike, okay.
Tell me exactly what happened.
247
00:11:21,203 --> 00:11:23,104
He sat next to me,
248
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:27,152
and he... he asked me
if I liked fun.
249
00:11:26,996 --> 00:11:28,063
And?
250
00:11:28,046 --> 00:11:31,116
And he called me a pistol.
251
00:11:31,007 --> 00:11:32,107
So?
252
00:11:32,089 --> 00:11:33,390
So... s-s-so...
253
00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:36,999
so, he wants
to have fun with my pistol!
254
00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:38,999
[LAUGHS]
255
00:11:38,933 --> 00:11:41,969
Listen, you didn't see
the look in his eye.
256
00:11:41,862 --> 00:11:44,831
I'm telling you,
you put us in a vineyard,
257
00:11:44,727 --> 00:11:46,528
you add foreign subtitles,
258
00:11:46,477 --> 00:11:50,446
it's funny-mustache guy and
baggy-pants guy all over again.
259
00:11:50,296 --> 00:11:52,264
Mike,
Alex knows you're straight!
260
00:11:52,206 --> 00:11:53,907
Why would he hit on you?
261
00:11:53,862 --> 00:11:56,463
Why do people
play the lottery, Carter?!
262
00:11:56,377 --> 00:11:59,946
The odds are slim, but they
got to go for the jackpot!
263
00:12:01,756 --> 00:12:03,123
I'm telling you, Carter,
264
00:12:03,094 --> 00:12:04,861
he's bad news,
and you better dump him.
265
00:12:04,812 --> 00:12:07,781
Mike, who I date
is no business of yours.
266
00:12:07,677 --> 00:12:10,112
If you have
a problem with Alex,
267
00:12:10,032 --> 00:12:12,834
then you have
a problem with me.
268
00:12:12,738 --> 00:12:14,039
And one more thing,
269
00:12:14,011 --> 00:12:17,781
if Alex were gonna cheat on me,
he could do a lot better.
270
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,908
L-listen, mister...
271
00:12:19,836 --> 00:12:23,372
I drive gay men wild!
272
00:12:24,930 --> 00:12:27,230
And that's off the record.
273
00:12:31,614 --> 00:12:33,615
Well, first of all,
congratulations.
274
00:12:33,556 --> 00:12:36,591
You five are the semifinalists
for the good-samaritan award.
275
00:12:36,485 --> 00:12:39,120
One of you will be named
good samaritan of the year
276
00:12:39,031 --> 00:12:40,966
and receive a check
for $10,000.
277
00:12:40,909 --> 00:12:44,111
Hell-o-o, new boat!
278
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,431
Please! I saved 16 kids!
279
00:12:46,352 --> 00:12:51,423
Ah, you walked by a school
that burst into flames.
280
00:12:51,223 --> 00:12:52,756
You got lucky.
281
00:12:52,718 --> 00:12:55,353
I know, instead of just
giving one of you the award,
282
00:12:55,265 --> 00:12:57,166
why don't we make it
a 5-way tie?
283
00:12:57,111 --> 00:13:00,447
So we each get 10 grand?
284
00:13:00,326 --> 00:13:02,193
No, you'd have to split it.
285
00:13:02,140 --> 00:13:07,110
Screw that! I've devoted my life
to helping the poor.
286
00:13:06,915 --> 00:13:08,216
It's payday!
287
00:13:08,189 --> 00:13:10,023
Look,
let's just shape up here.
288
00:13:09,972 --> 00:13:11,905
Any one of you
could be replaced.
289
00:13:11,849 --> 00:13:14,117
By who?!
290
00:13:14,045 --> 00:13:17,615
I got a guy out here
who rewinds porn.
291
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,940
You wanted
to see me, Mike?
292
00:13:21,876 --> 00:13:24,377
Yeah, it's, uh...
it's about the budget.
293
00:13:24,295 --> 00:13:27,064
I've been, uh,
going over the initial figures,
294
00:13:26,969 --> 00:13:28,470
and I want you to, uh...
295
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,700
Hide behind my desk
296
00:13:29,674 --> 00:13:32,343
while I try to make Alex
come on to me.
297
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:37,791
Well, if I move
some numbers around,
298
00:13:37,697 --> 00:13:41,700
I might be able to dig up
an extra... you're nuts!
299
00:13:41,549 --> 00:13:44,250
It's the only way I can prove
to Carter that I'm right.
300
00:13:44,158 --> 00:13:45,125
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
301
00:13:45,114 --> 00:13:46,413
There he is.
Hide!
302
00:13:49,506 --> 00:13:52,174
Hey, big fella.
303
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,334
Come on in.
304
00:13:57,305 --> 00:13:59,472
Hey, Mike, what's up?
305
00:14:03,894 --> 00:14:05,228
Oh, I'm sorry.
306
00:14:05,199 --> 00:14:08,367
I was just distracted
for a minute.
307
00:14:08,255 --> 00:14:11,691
Have you, uh...
you been working out?
308
00:14:11,565 --> 00:14:13,032
You wanted to talk?
309
00:14:12,997 --> 00:14:14,532
Yeah, sure, sure.
310
00:14:14,494 --> 00:14:15,827
Talk...
311
00:14:15,799 --> 00:14:17,166
Laugh...
312
00:14:17,136 --> 00:14:21,740
You know,
whatever seems... Fun...
313
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,228
You pistol.
314
00:14:23,184 --> 00:14:28,521
Uh, so I went to the Knicks game
last Saturday.
315
00:14:28,309 --> 00:14:30,176
I bet you did.
316
00:14:30,123 --> 00:14:32,892
Boy, that sprewell's
got the sweetest...
317
00:14:32,797 --> 00:14:35,298
Ass.
318
00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:37,418
Well, I was gonna say
"jump shot."
319
00:14:37,349 --> 00:14:39,617
I bet you were.
320
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:45,708
Oops.
321
00:14:53,615 --> 00:14:55,949
Uh, maybe
I ought to go, huh?
322
00:14:55,874 --> 00:14:57,108
So soon?
323
00:14:57,084 --> 00:14:58,485
Well, call me crazy, Mike,
324
00:14:58,453 --> 00:15:01,355
but I get the impression
that you're hitting on me.
325
00:15:01,255 --> 00:15:04,323
So you want to sleep with me,
is that what you're saying?
326
00:15:04,215 --> 00:15:05,048
No.
327
00:15:05,042 --> 00:15:07,377
Why did you hit on me
last night?
328
00:15:07,302 --> 00:15:11,973
I didn't.
I was just being friendly.
329
00:15:11,791 --> 00:15:13,125
I love Carter.
330
00:15:13,096 --> 00:15:14,230
Oh.
331
00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:17,179
Well... That's good.
That's great.
332
00:15:17,075 --> 00:15:21,445
Speaking of Carter,
how about, just for fun,
333
00:15:21,276 --> 00:15:24,445
we never tell him
about this?
334
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,862
Well, I think
I'm starting to see
335
00:15:30,781 --> 00:15:33,350
where our relationship
went wrong.
336
00:15:35,206 --> 00:15:37,874
Mr. mayor, I have to
get this off my chest.
337
00:15:37,784 --> 00:15:40,085
What you did yesterday
made me mad!
338
00:15:40,012 --> 00:15:41,513
I've waited my whole life
339
00:15:41,477 --> 00:15:43,878
to show my hometown
that I made good,
340
00:15:43,801 --> 00:15:47,203
but you just couldn't let me
have my moment, could you?
341
00:15:48,766 --> 00:15:53,035
Clarice was here to write
an article about me, not you!
342
00:15:52,871 --> 00:15:54,539
Me Paul lassiter!
343
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,429
Paul, you're right.
344
00:15:56,373 --> 00:16:01,677
What I did yesterday was
insensitive and unprofessional.
345
00:16:01,467 --> 00:16:02,868
I apologize.
346
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,895
Oh.
347
00:16:10,794 --> 00:16:12,794
Okay then.
348
00:16:14,964 --> 00:16:19,667
And that, Clarice...
349
00:16:19,483 --> 00:16:22,752
Is how you handle
a disgruntled employee.
350
00:16:29,001 --> 00:16:30,801
Flaherty.
351
00:16:30,751 --> 00:16:33,253
Mike Flaherty.
352
00:16:35,653 --> 00:16:39,290
Having fun
with your pistol?
353
00:16:39,155 --> 00:16:41,857
So, did you patch things up
with Carter?
354
00:16:41,765 --> 00:16:43,833
No, no,
he's still mad at me,
355
00:16:43,771 --> 00:16:45,872
and I can't
really blame him.
356
00:16:45,808 --> 00:16:49,176
I couldn't wait to find
something wrong with Alex.
357
00:16:49,055 --> 00:16:51,657
Maybe you didn't want to believe
it was possible
358
00:16:51,569 --> 00:16:54,037
for someone to find the love
of their life so quickly.
359
00:16:53,956 --> 00:16:55,324
What are you saying?
360
00:16:55,294 --> 00:16:57,862
That because I've never
been able to find true love,
361
00:16:57,776 --> 00:16:59,611
there's
something wrong with me,
362
00:16:59,559 --> 00:17:01,593
and I'm gonna
end up dying alone?
363
00:17:01,533 --> 00:17:03,100
No!
364
00:17:03,061 --> 00:17:04,394
Good, 'cause...
365
00:17:04,365 --> 00:17:07,668
That's the furthest thing
from my mind.
366
00:17:07,549 --> 00:17:09,851
You know,
I have to admit,
367
00:17:09,777 --> 00:17:12,812
I'm a little jealous
of Carter myself.
368
00:17:12,706 --> 00:17:16,675
Do you think that everyone
has one true soul mate,
369
00:17:16,526 --> 00:17:19,761
and that when you see them,
you'll know?
370
00:17:19,644 --> 00:17:21,412
I hope so.
371
00:17:21,365 --> 00:17:24,232
Me too.
372
00:17:29,066 --> 00:17:31,001
Oops.
373
00:17:40,431 --> 00:17:42,732
Paul, Paul,
I need your help.
374
00:17:42,659 --> 00:17:47,197
I have to get this tie around
my enormous jabba-the-hutt neck.
375
00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:51,257
No problem. See, you're not
paying for the workmanship.
376
00:17:51,095 --> 00:17:53,930
You're paying
for the word "Taiwan."
377
00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:56,033
No matter what I say,
promise not to stop
378
00:17:55,965 --> 00:17:57,833
until the tie
is around my neck.
379
00:17:57,779 --> 00:18:00,347
I promise.
380
00:18:00,263 --> 00:18:01,996
Ack...
381
00:18:01,949 --> 00:18:04,117
[CHOKING]
C-changing my mind!
382
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:06,718
Stop, please!
For the love of God, Paul!
383
00:18:06,628 --> 00:18:07,996
I'm begging you, stop!
384
00:18:07,965 --> 00:18:11,868
Save it, junior. Paul lassiter
is a man of his word!
385
00:18:11,722 --> 00:18:12,521
Aaggh!
386
00:18:13,368 --> 00:18:15,001
Hey, Carter.
387
00:18:14,958 --> 00:18:16,759
Uh...
388
00:18:16,709 --> 00:18:19,811
Listen, I just want to tell you
I'm sorry about earlier.
389
00:18:19,701 --> 00:18:22,670
Earlier when you told me
to dump Alex,
390
00:18:22,566 --> 00:18:25,735
or earlier
when you tried to seduce him?
391
00:18:25,622 --> 00:18:28,191
Nikki told you.
392
00:18:28,105 --> 00:18:29,372
No, Alex did.
393
00:18:29,346 --> 00:18:31,815
How does Nikkiknow about it?
394
00:18:31,734 --> 00:18:36,504
Uh, anyway,
the thing is, I'm sorry.
395
00:18:36,318 --> 00:18:39,621
Well, I suppose your heart
was in the right place.
396
00:18:39,501 --> 00:18:40,868
I think I just liked it
397
00:18:40,838 --> 00:18:42,972
when we were both
failures at relationships.
398
00:18:42,907 --> 00:18:44,608
It gave us
something in common.
399
00:18:44,562 --> 00:18:46,062
Now I'm gonna be all alone.
400
00:18:46,027 --> 00:18:47,895
No, we can still hang out!
401
00:18:47,841 --> 00:18:51,410
Yeah, but you'll be
all happy and stuff.
402
00:18:51,278 --> 00:18:53,212
No, not all the time!
403
00:18:53,157 --> 00:18:55,324
Alex and I will fight!
I'll be depressed!
404
00:18:55,257 --> 00:18:57,392
You're just saying that
to cheer me up.
405
00:18:57,359 --> 00:18:58,792
I got to tell you, though,
406
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,994
I think this Alex
is a pretty good guy.
407
00:19:00,923 --> 00:19:02,558
Are you sure he's gay,
though?
408
00:19:02,515 --> 00:19:05,250
'Cause I did the whole
pencil drop... nothing.
409
00:19:06,398 --> 00:19:09,734
Mike, the samaritans want
their money in advance,
410
00:19:09,613 --> 00:19:12,882
and sister calahan
is demanding unmarked bills.
411
00:19:12,765 --> 00:19:14,632
All right, that's it.
412
00:19:14,580 --> 00:19:18,383
Okay, listen,
you are not good samaritans!
413
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,407
You're bad samaritans!
414
00:19:19,386 --> 00:19:20,520
Mike, choking!
415
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:21,666
James, please.
416
00:19:21,646 --> 00:19:24,381
Now get your good-samaritan
asses back in here,
417
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,789
and be the kind of heroes
this city needs.
418
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:27,808
Aaaaaggghh!
419
00:19:29,859 --> 00:19:31,893
There you go!
420
00:19:31,833 --> 00:19:34,701
Thank you! That's it!
Good samaritans!
421
00:19:34,602 --> 00:19:37,070
Good God, man!
422
00:19:36,989 --> 00:19:40,324
This is a child's tie!
423
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:50,430
All right,
who took his wallet?!
424
00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:54,888
And then, in 1989,
I went through...
425
00:19:54,789 --> 00:19:56,189
can we turn on a light?
426
00:19:56,157 --> 00:19:57,525
Shh, shh, shh.
427
00:19:57,495 --> 00:19:59,129
It's better this way.
428
00:19:59,086 --> 00:20:01,187
As I was saying,
in 1989,
429
00:20:01,123 --> 00:20:04,258
I started working
for congressman shumer,
430
00:20:04,147 --> 00:20:07,416
but even then,
I knew that what I really wanted
431
00:20:07,299 --> 00:20:10,134
was to work
in the mayor's office.
432
00:20:10,006 --> 00:20:12,672
Me too.
433
00:20:14,269 --> 00:20:17,005
Hey, you guys
want to hear a scary story?
434
00:21:15,467 --> 00:21:18,101
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
435
00:21:18,102 --> 00:21:19,268
(BARKING)
436
00:21:19,318 --> 00:21:23,868
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